Chapter Twenty-Six

October continued the rain but brought with it unseasonably cold weather, ten to fifteen degrees below normal, in the high 30s or low 40s. Winter sweaters were coming out.

Louisa's work lost some of its shiny gloss due to the constant comments. Hibernating in her office more to avoid seeing her co-workers, one slow workday, on a whim, she filled out the application for the Assistant Superintendent position, and felt wide emotional reactions, deep shame and great pride.

She put it aside, and continued on with her school duties.

She still received unwanted and unwarranted complaints about her resignation, and her engagement. She acted like it didn't bother her, and continued on with her work. But, it did bother her, people sticking their noses into her life, when they didn't know anything about her, about Martin, about them together. She remembered being so malleable a year ago, and full of judgment herself. But, now, things were so much different. She didn't share with them her life with Martin, as she began to realize that she would spend most of her time defending Martin against her friends, and she didn't feel she had to. She didn't want to hear their judgments against him, and their crass determination that they knew what was best for her.

Louisa was working hard to figure that out for herself. Aunt Ruth showed up one day at lunch, quite a surprise as she had never shown any interest in the Primary school.

"Martin's busy with chart notes, so I thought I'd enliven your day with my presence, instead. Do you mind? We haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks."

Aunt Ruth joined them for supper or they went up to her farmhouse on the weekends every week or two. Louisa missed the vibrant energy of Aunt Joan, her tempestuous opinions and her practical wisdom. But, Aunt Ruth did grow on her. With all the chaos in Louisa's life in the last couple of years, Aunt Ruth, with her insightful calm, and unruffled, no nonsense and restrained demeanor, and at times her droll humor, was easy to be around, and seemed to be a miniature yet more innately functional Martin.

Louisa was eating a tuna sandwich Martin had made for her before she left for school that morning, in the large lunchroom. It was a bit noisy with the children giggling and shouting. Louisa shook her head no, as she swallowed and then yelled out, "Timothy Busfield! No throwing your food!"

Knowing the teachers would watch the rowdy kids, she waved Aunt Ruth to follow her and they sought refuge in Louisa's office. They sat down in chairs and Louisa finished the last bites of her meal.

"Kind of loud at lunch," she said. "They've got a lot of energy."

"Yes, one of the most annoying things about children, their endless energy."

Louisa could picture Martin as a child, and had at times, skinny and smart, studious and introverted. She could not picture Aunt Ruth as a child at all; she wondered if the woman had ever been young.

"You've never had…?" she timidly asked.

"Certainly not! I treat the refuse of humanity for an income. No need to add to the ranks myself."

"You'd be a better mother than that, no doubt."

"Unlikely. My parental role modeling was abysmal. Same with Martin. Ellinghams serve the world best by not procreating."

"Well, we did do that…."

"Yes, and one hopes you're the exception to the rule."

Louisa spoke softly, in a kind of mumble, as she did when the conversation was getting awkward, and too personal, "I'm sure we will be…"

"Are you ready to go to London, then? The center of the Empire?"

Louisa's mind blew a fuse and she could not answer with anything more than "Er,", "Ums", and the like. Her prayer for a significant interruption went unheard by heavenly powers and she sat there, a body with no brain, under the unreadable gaze of Aunt Ruth.

"Cat got your tongue? Not surprised. I doubt you'd want to go. Leave your village, your home." She leaned forward. "I was witness to Martin stating he'd stay here for you." She sat back up. "Of course, he'd be miserable, with the loss of his surgical career, and God knows the legal entanglements getting out of his contract with Imperial, but…he did say he'd stay."

"I know."

"You could hold him to it."

Louisa turned away from Ruth, and closed her eyes. This was too much work to do at lunch, and she had wanted a little break from her internal turmoil, not someone putting it in the spotlight.

"I better get back to work," she said, standing up.

Ruth took the hint. She stood and said, "If we lived in an ideal world, we could easily make all decisions in ways that made us and our loved ones equally happy." She took a few steps and added, "Perhaps we still can do that now and then. And if not, then one needs to choose what's best for all, if not themselves. Rather like the Musketeers. Good-bye."

Louisa gave a weak wave to the retreating woman. Perhaps she should have been more open and sharing with her, but Louisa would not have known where to begin or what to say. She barely had the time to process any of that conversation when Stu Mackenzie showed up and asked her again about her decision.

It felt like she was encircled in a steel band and it was slowly closing around her chest.

She knew time was running out, but she got another week from the ever accommodating Stu. But, after next Friday, mid-October, he could not hold off the Governance Board any longer, he warned.

"And you should mail that in," he said, pointing at the application, which he enjoyed seeing was filled out.

He took an envelope out of his breast pocket and held it out to Louisa. "Here you go."

She took it warily. "What is it?"

"References. From me, Banning, and two of the parents on the Board. Send them in with your application. Early ones get looked at first."

"I'm not sure I'm sending it in."

"Sure you are. You can always turn down the offer, if you wish."

She could always turn down the position. Send in the application just to see if she'd get the job, if they stayed.

"You've a good chance, especially in this type of autumn. Who wants to live through this weather except a native, eh?"

He left, this time deliberately going to Sally's office, where he chitchatted a bit and then blithely informed her that Louisa was going to send in the application, with numerous excellent references. It was like Sherlock Holmes and Moriarty, only Stu was sure he was the detective and the Doc was the evil villain.

Louisa figured she could send in the application and if she got the job, which she would turn down, it would still be good to put on her resume for jobs in London. After all, did she want to drive forty-five minutes each way daily to Truro, where the Assistant Superintendent worked? Though, it would be quite something for a Cornish village teacher with a BS to get that high in administration. Everyone would be proud of her…except, maybe, Martin. Martin who made her cry out in ecstasy…Martin whom she loved to touch. Martin with his culinary calendar, feeding Louisa what she wished each night. Martin the way he touched James Henry's head.

Aunt Ruth's words were still strikingly clear in her mind, "In an ideal world…"

She looked down at the references. On a whim she added them into the addressed envelope and licked it, sealing it shut. She left it on her desk, planning to leave it there, but it was gone the next morning. It wasn't on the floor or in the trash bin.

She asked around the school and Sally, the secretary, said she had dropped the morning post on Louisa's desk and then picked up the envelope and posted it, seeing it ready to go. Asking if she had made a mistake, Louisa had to take a minute to close her mouth, shocked into opening widely, and then she replied, "Um, Yes, No, I don't know. It's fine."

Louisa walked away in as much confusion as she had conferred on Sally.