Stay with Me
A Matt Casey Smile
Casey decided to return to his own home for the rest of his break from the hospital. So Severide then ended up staying over with him for two nights, making up some story about saving on hot water at his apartment, because Shay took showers that were long enough for ten people. Casey just accepted the story with an eye roll, and for once he didn't protest.
On the first night he woke from a nightmare, nothing out of the usual, because he'd been plagued with them since he was a teenager. What was out of the ordinary was the way he ended up in the spare room, lying in Severide's arms. He hadn't been able to sleep and he'd wandered wordlessly into Severide's room. He had woken to the sound of Casey's nightmare but had decided it was best not to make a big deal about it so he'd simply lifted the covers up, a silent invitation for Casey to join him, and he'd wrapped his arms around him until they both drifted off to sleep.
Casey woke with more than the weight over the bed covers over him. It took him a moment to realise it was Severide's arm, so he moved carefully underneath him, turning onto his side, not wanting to disturb him. He smiled, facing Severide's sleeping form now, feeling safe and comfortable lying there with him. He closed his eyes again, one hand under his chin, and his head resting in the crook of Severide's neck.
The light was shining through the edges of the curtains when Severide woke, realising he needed the bathroom. He was about to move when it dawned on him that Casey was curled up against him, breathing softly, clearly sleeping peacefully and painlessly. For now, he could postpone going to the bathroom, so he settled back down for a while so Casey could stay asleep.
"Morning," he spoke when Casey eventually started to stir.
"Hi…" Casey responded, moving back so he could see Severide's face smiling at him.
"How are you feeling?"
Casey just nodded in response.
"Good..." he responded, starting to move.
"Please don't," Casey said, stopping him.
"You want me to stay?"
"Maybe," Casey replied, dimpled cheeks blushing a little.
"Maybe?" he repeated.
"Please don't move... this is nice," Casey admitted.
"Ok," he said, the pressure on his bladder could continue wait.
A short while later Casey moved away from Severide, sitting up in the bed, still enjoying the warmth and comfort. Severide took the opportunity to relieve his bladder.
"Maybe you should have some breakfast now you're feeling ok," Severide suggested as he sat on the side of the bed.
Casey shook his head.
"You need something. You've lost too much weight," Severide said insistently.
"Don't need to remind me," he responded with a low chuckle, pointing at the NG tube. "I don't want to throw up," he added quietly.
"Don't think there's anything in you to throw up," Severide tried to reassure him. "And you haven't been sick for ages."
"Sorry… I'm being childish…"
"You're not being anything, being worried about throwing up is valid, you're not being childish," Severide responded caringly.
"I am, 'cause I want to ask you to stay with me tomorrow too. I'm going to miss you…"
"I'll call Boden, get the shift off, spend the day with you," Severide said, smiling.
"You can't. I'd feel guilty," he replied, shaking his head a little.
"Even though you just admitted that you want me here with you," Severide retorted, eyebrow raised.
"Yes…"
"It'll go quickly, and I'll call you every half hour if I need to," Severide continued.
Casey laughed a little at that. "You don't need to, but thank you… erm about last night… sorry…"
"Sorry? I thought you didn't want me to move this morning?" Severide asked him.
"I didn't, but I don't want you to think…"
Severide smiled. "Friends give friends hugs, especially when they don't feel good."
"Do they sleep together too?"
"We slept in the same bed, we've done that before," Severide responded, shrugging.
"After a large consumption of alcohol, and when neither of us had spare rooms, or decent couches…"
"Friends can sleep in the same bed, don't worry about it," Severide repeated.
"I slept in your arms all night…"
"Matt, a while ago I said just let things happen, don't think about it all too much. You do too much thinking," Severide spoke, smiling at him.
"I just… I don't want you to think there's more to it," he said carefully.
"Isn't there?" Severide asked.
"I don't know," he responded quietly.
"Don't overthink, Matt," Severide told him. "Get dressed, I'll be in the kitchen."
After Severide's shift he went back over to Casey's house, they didn't do very much, they spent their time together just the same as the rest of the previous week, only Severide helped Casey pack a couple of bags for the hospital. He was due back the next day so he could start his first of three rounds of consolidation chemotherapy. Severide could already tell that Casey was dreading the prospect of being back there as he was silent most of the time, preferring just to listen to Severide than have much of a conversation. It wasn't much of a consolation but at least the treatment would only run for five days this time, rather than a whole week, that was if he'd gained enough weight for his body to be capable of tolerating the drugs.
When the morning came Severide woke up to the alarm, and he pulled himself out of bed, knowing he was probably going to need to help Casey. He made the bed, dressed and headed across the hall into the main bedroom. The curtains were still drawn meaning the room was almost completely dark, the way Casey liked it. He switched the light by the bed on, smiling at Casey's sleeping form before waking him gently.
"Morning, Matt… time to get up," he began, touching his shoulder, the majority of his body was hidden under the bed covers.
Casey groaned in response, turning over onto his front.
"Do I have to pull the covers away?" he teased.
"Mmno…"
"Come on then," he encouraged, aware they only had a couple of hours before Casey needed to be in the oncology department.
"Don't want to go," Casey moaned into his pillow.
"I know, I know… I'm gonna be with you all day though, that makes it a little better, right?"
"Maybe a little," he responded, smiling, as he sat up in the bed.
"There's my favourite smile," Severide commented.
"A tired smile?"
"A Matt Casey smile," he told him. "So, some liquid breakfast?"
"Suppose I better…"
"You get dressed, come down when you're ready," Severide said, standing up from the bed.
"How about, I'm never ready?" he responded, his smiling growing, eyes weary but mischievous.
"Then I will knock you out and drag you to the hospital myself," Severide told him with a very serious expression on his face.
"Extreme."
At the hospital Severide stayed with Casey as his blood was taken, and whilst he was given a physical where he was directed to a set of scales in the sterile room. It wasn't until his blood results came back that his own doctor appeared and gave Casey the good news, he was fit enough to start consolidation chemotherapy. Casey didn't smile or thank the man in response though, he just nodded, mentally preparing himself for the next five days.
"Matt?"
Severide's voice broke into his thoughts and caught his attention. He just frowned at him, wondering how long he'd been sitting alone with him in the waiting area.
"They're gonna admit you now, same room as last time. It's all ready for you," Severide told him, concern edged his tone since Casey still seemed completely unaware. "Matt?"
"Yeah… let's do this then…" he responding, standing up a little too quickly.
Severide grabbed Casey's arm to stop him from falling back down into the chair. "All right?"
"Yeah, yeah…" he replied, but he didn't look it.
As he held Casey's arm Severide could feel him trembling. "Everything's fine," he spoke, whispering into his ear, mouth so close to his skin that Casey could feel his warm breath.
"Everything's fine," Casey repeated, it was then that he spotted Catalina.
"Hi, Matt. Ready to come through?" she asked.
"No…" he responded, smiling even though he was shaking his head.
"Just five days, and only cytarabine," she reminded him as they walked onto the ward.
Casey sat himself down on the edge of the hospital bed when they reach his room, and Severide put his bags down. He swallowed the antiemetics, used to the routine now, and Severide found himself wishing he wasn't so familiar with everything. Catalina left them, saying she'd be back in an hour to administer the first infusion.
Severide pulled out the fairy lights from the top of one of the bags. "Location preference?"
"Where you put them last time was great," Casey answered.
"Yeah?"
He nodded. It had been nice to lie propped up in the bed, able to see the lights in front of him in the darkness. At times they almost made him forget where he was. Severide set about getting the room organised, with Casey helping to start off with but ending up sitting down in the chair, only able to watch. Severide didn't mind at all since he'd been the one who insisted that he should just rest and direct the proceedings, telling Severide where he wanted his things to be put.
When Catalina came back, true to her word, an hour later, Casey just looked at the equipment she was carrying with a grimace. Severide could see the hazard labels and poison warnings on the IV bag of cytarabine, and it made his stomach sink, but he smiled reassuringly at Casey nevertheless, determined not to let him see his own fears.
"Let's get you set up, Matt, then I'll leave you both in peace, for a short while at least," Catalina told him as she placed the tray down and began to prepare the it for use.
Casey had already removed his hoody and pulled off his t-shirt, ready to be attached to the infusion pump for five days now. Severide grabbed the hospital gown from the side so he could slip it on after the IV bag was connected to his central line. Despite the nutritional feeds Casey had been getting he looked no better, his ribs were still prominent, there was no flesh on his abdomen. It wasn't right, he had always been athletic, but never this skinny. It was a scary sight, and the more he read about cancer and chemotherapy the more worried he became, hoping that Casey could get through all this, and get his life back. Severide knew how devastated Casey would be if he couldn't return to firefighting. He'd put on a brave face for sure, but he loved his job and his job was his life.
TBC