IM SORRY THIS IS NOT A NEW CHAPTER JUST HAD A COMPUTER GLITCH!
Disclaimer: I have no affiliation to Criminal Minds or its characters. This is fiction pure and simple.
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Virgin! Two: One Angel, Slightly Used
Chapter 26
Reid tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The back of his head bounced against the hard leather robbing him of comfort as he tried to escape what had been without a doubt one of the worst moments of his life. Every happy feeling he'd had since leaving Morgan leaked out of him until he remained a hollowed out husk of despair.
"You okay?" He heard.
"I'm alright." He answered automatically.
Opening his eyes, Reid blinked at the bright glare of the afternoon sun as it bounced off the side mirror. He dodged the concerned looks the grandfatherly cabbie kept throwing him until the weight of his empathy forced him to get out and find another cab.
Reid stood on the sidewalk sweating in his heavy coat despite the fact that he was freezing as he flagged down yet another yellow cab and hopped in. Luckily this driver was too busy yelling at pedestrians through the unlit cigarette clamped between his teeth to acknowledge his passenger's emotional state.
To Reid's relief the interminable ride finally ended as they pulled to a stop outside his building. Without bothering to count it he pushed a wad of cash into the unconcerned man's outstretched palm and scrambled out of the car. Keeping his head down, he waved at Mr. Wilson as the old man hang out of his window watering his plants, probably surprised to see Reid during the day. The short elevator ride took him to his floor and a short walk to the refuge of his home.
As Reid collapsed to his couch, he kicked off his shoes and curled up on his side. He vaguely recalled that Morgan was expecting him but his well-worn pajamas and the jar of Halloween sugar cookies were much nearer. At some point he would move, he thought while dragging a cushion under his head. It was squishy against his skin as he burrowed into it trying to drown out his thoughts but Alex's words mingled with the seeds that already infested his soul and doubt snuck in through the fabric, insidious and damaging.
He had made a huge mistake.
No matter how hard he pressed the soft material into his ears he could still hear Alex's voice in his head. Could clearly remember his derision when Reid tried to explain that he was in love with Morgan.
xxXxx
"Morgan?" Alex had questioned. "Derek Morgan? Your best friend? The resident BAU manwhore? That Morgan." His voice kept getting higher until he was yelling at the end.
Reid backed away alarmed by the volume and the troubling array of emotions that crisscrossed his face.
"Answer me?"
"Yes" Reid peeped at him while Alex made a visible effort to get his rage under control.
"How long has this been going on? Have you been fucking him all this time? On your long frequent 'work' trips?"
Reid reeled back in shock. "No. I haven't…I wasn't with him behind you back." He defended. Even though he had technically cheated on him that one time. When he stumbled forward and Alex stepped back his face unreadable, Reid stopped his arms dropping useless to his sides. "I am sorry. I didn't want to…" He swallowed choking back tears.
"Didn't want to what? Completely fuck with me. I love you… and I thought you…God, how I could I have been so blind?" Leaning on his desk Alex stared out the window at the high rises in the distance. "Loved" He then corrected and continued in a hoarse whisper. "I knew that you weren't completely committed to me the first time which is why I left but you came to me in Boston and you seemed so sure." His eyes collided with Reid pining him to the spot. "Was that all a lie?"
"N-N-No." Reid quaked, finding Alex's quiet even more terrifying than the shouting. He jerked when Alex groaned dropping his face into his open palms. Itching to go to him, he shifted in place not knowing what to do. Alex surely wouldn't welcome his touch at this point.
"My parents are supposed to meet you today." Alex gave a short mirthless laugh. "I spent all week racking my brain for ways that would make it easier for you. Guess, I won't need them now."
"I could still meet them." Reid offered desperate for absolution. "You don't have to tell them yet. We could…"
"What? Pretend? I can't do that. I'm not you." Getting to his feet, Alex walked over to the large windows. "You should go." He dismissed.
Reid stared at his broad back at a loss for words. It wasn't supposed to end like this, with this painful nothing. He wanted to tell him that he loved him just not the way that he was supposed to; the time they had spent together meant something but the gap between them grew with every passing unfilled minute.
"Just go." Alex snapped. "Please"
With heavy steps Reid made the journey across Alex's office. The décor before him reduced to wet wavy lines as his vision blurred. He sniffed hard, his hand on the brass handle as he tried to get himself under control. He didn't need the world knowing they'd broken up. Especially not the employees who had been so supportive of their relationship and welcomed him with open arms. Would they hate him too now?
When Alex spoke, he turned around hoping for a reprieve from this terrible interlude but there was none to be found.
"You picked the wrong guy and you are going to regret it." He said his hard gaze boring into Reid even worse than his words. "When he breaks your heart and he will, you don't get to come back to me like nothing happened." As Reid left, the 'Goodbye Spencer' pursued him into the void.
xxXxx
Morgan jumped the curb screeching to a halt outside Reid's apartment. Ignoring his haphazard parking that took up three spaces, he tore into the building bypassing the buzzer as he ducked under the arm of a mom struggling to enter with groceries and a toddler. Taking the stairs two at a time he reached inside his jacket pocket for Reid's spare key as he got to his door.
Morgan pressed his forehead on the hard wood as muted light and sound streaked under the door. Reid was home. Fear replaced rage making his hand tremble over the small metallic key, which dug into his palm as he tightened his hold on it. Reid was home, meaning he wasn't being held against his will, he had chosen not to return. With dread, he opened the door and pushed into the semi dark following the sound of the TV to the living room.
The only light was from the old fashioned television that was playing an old black and white film with a familiar monster that had bolts through his neck. Morgan shuddered turning away. He hated scary movies.
"It's the 'Bride of Frankenstein'." Reid spoke from the couch.
Approaching the pile of blankets, Morgan sat next to him as Reid merely moved his feet remaining glued to the action onscreen the entire time.
"It didn't go well did it?" He asked.
Reid pulled the thick blanket over his head tunneling into the warm cocoon it provided. "He hates me." He murmured squeaking when Morgan yanked the blanket off his face and dragged him upright.
"Come here." Morgan ordered opening his arms. Reid tucked his feet under his thighs and shifted position falling onto Morgan's chest in a little ball of misery. Morgan took his time tucking the thick material around both of them. Knowing for sure that Alex was out of the picture he could afford to be kind.
"He doesn't hate you."
"Yes he does." Reid insisted. "He said things…" He thought of elaborating but then thought better of it. Especially since Morgan had been sexually promiscuous in the past, it wasn't really much of an insult if it was true.
"Baby, he was mad because you broke up with him. I bet he didn't mean half the things he said."
"Really?" Reid popped up so abruptly his skull clipped Morgan in the chin. "Then maybe if I talk to him again, he will understand that I didn't mean to hurt him."
"No" Morgan brushed the hair out of his eyes. "You have to let him be mad at you for awhile."
"But…" Reid deflated. "He was my friend."
"Oh angel!" Morgan ached at the sadness and confusion in his voice. "He is still your friend." Gathering him back into his arms, Morgan hugged him hard before stroking his back. "When he's not so pissed off, he will remember that you would never hurt anyone on purpose. He knows that you are a good man and you have the softest heart and he will come around. You just have to give him some time."
Reid sighed unhappily before nodding. He snuggled closer into Morgan's chest, listening to the sound of his heart beat through his shirt. He loved him so much and he couldn't imagine surviving if they broke up. "How do people do this all the time?"
"Not well. The first couple of times are the worst after that you learn how to keep something of yourself back so you aren't completely destroyed when the other person leaves."
Reid wondered if that's what Morgan was doing now, with him, holding something back just in case. He didn't want to know the answer to that so he just said. "I'm scared."
"I'm scared too. ' Morgan murmured kissing the soft shell of his ear. He chuckled when Reid threw him an incredulous look. "I promise…" He kissed his forehead. "You are not in this alone. I feel everything you feel." He held him as the movie played on wondering what was going through his genius' head as Frankenstein's monster cried and destroyed the lab after his bride rejected him. As the credits rolled, Morgan refused to move realizing he was happier than he'd been in long time.
"I'm sorry." Reid whispered sleepily into his collar. "I ruined our first date."
"There will be other dates to come, as many as you want…unless you've changed your mind about us."
Suddenly wide-awake, Reid sat up. "I haven't." He promised. As apprehensive as he was about their future, he had made his choice. He knew exactly who Morgan was and he loved him just the same. There was no turning back.