A/N: Sorry for the wait, I was on holiday and there was no internet. I'm back now and the next chapter after this shouldn't take long.
Another note: I've started reading a lot more Avengers comics as of late and I've realised that Hawk has a really distinct style of speaking that I didn't know about. I'm not going to suddenly change it in the story for continuity's sake, but I do apologise to anyone out there who wants to murder me for my poor writing of Clint's speech.
Chapter 26: Questionable Mental Stability
On the whole, Loki did not like being summoned to court. This summons indicated it was a private discussion, but it still felt worrying.
His first action after shaking Thor off and locking himself in his lab was to text Tony.
To: Tony
Did our fellow teammates get a summons too, or am I extra-guilty today?
It only took a minute before he got a reply.
From: Tony
Looks like everyone did. You want to come here so we can talk it over?
To: Tony
Anything to escape Thor. I will be there soon.
Loki quickly went upstairs to tell Darcy and Thor - who were playing Jenga for undefinable reasons - that he had urgent Avengers business, and don't wait up because he might go out and get laid. Good stress release.
Darcy took that in stride, but Thor tried to protest at his approach to casual sex. Loki cut him off with a "Well, I refuse to waste my time getting married like you do, so I may sleep with whom I choose."
He then skipped waiting for a reply and simply teleported away with a slight fizzle.
"It is rather frustrating how he can do that." Thor sighed.
"Ugh. Tell me about it." Darcy groaned.
-O.O-
Loki appeared in the living room, surprising everyone except Tony.
"And the man himself!" Tony said, getting to his feet to walk over to Loki and clap him on the shoulder. "Loki Laufeyson, everyone."
Loki gave a low, sweeping bow to very sarcastic applause from Clint. "Thank you, thank you." He said, moving to the centre of the room so he had everyone's attention. "What do we know?"
"Testimonial of Loki in D.C tomorrow at 10:30." Natasha deadpanned. "Fury says they're deciding whether you're stable enough to run an army."
"Well, they may have a case there." Loki frowned.
"Nah, you're plenty stable." Tony said reassuringly. "But it's a bit ridiculous, making us all travel on short notice."
Loki snorted. "Stark, between us we have..." He thought for a moment. "Five private jets. That I am aware of. I think we will make it there."
"The advantages of having two of the richest men in America on the team." Bruce said with his gentle smile. "Do we need to do anything?"
"No." Natasha said. "Just think about what you're going to say if you're asked any questions. And be nice, Clint. Loki needs to run this show or the Council will do it and we'll all be killed."
"Thank you, Natasha." Loki said gratefully. Tony wondered for a second if this was the first time he'd used her first name. "When do we depart?"
"7:30 tomorrow morning." Steve said briskly. "We're taking Tony's plane."
"I understand." Loki said. "Were you going to involve me at all in the planning?"
A synonymous 'no' rang out across the room.
"Ah. Well." Loki chuckled. "Would anyone care to spar? I have some frustration to work out."
"Uh-uh. No." Clint said. "You're scary when you're angry."
Steve and Bruce said something similar, and Natasha had to conference with Fury. Which left Tony.
"I think you're scary too!" He protested.
Loki blasted him with the puppy dog eyes and he said "Fine. Only 'cause you're my favourite."
-O.O-
After getting pinned for the fourth time, Tony was willing to concede defeat. It wasn't that Tony was weak, or untrained, or slow, because he was none of those; it was that Loki was fast and was in a bad enough mood that he wasn't pulling any punches.
"Okay, okay, you've made your point." Tony groaned as Loki's knee dug into his back. "You're a badass. Now get off me."
"What is your magic word?" Loki said, leaning more of his weight onto his knee to make Tony yelp.
"I'll take all your shampoo out of my shower." Tony warned, face pressed to the mat.
"That is expensive." Loki huffed, getting off him.
"Like that matters to one of the richest guys in the country." Tony snorted, painfully climbing to his feet.
"It's still expensive." Loki said indignantly.
"Why do you even keep it there?" Tony said in exasperated fondness.
"Who knows when I may end up in your shower?" Loki said with a smirk. "These things happen."
"Well. You should definitely go for the gym-enthusiast hippie look more often." Tony teased, indicating Loki's trackpants, t-shirt, and tied-back hair. "It suits you."
"Bah. I look ridiculous. I just do not wish to soil my good clothing with sweat." Loki said irritably.
"Loki, babe, you're always fabulous." Tony grinned. "You wanna come up for a drink?"
"Allow me a shower first, and you have a deal." Loki replied, eyeing his clothes in distaste.
Tony spent the time Loki was in his shower dragging a pair of modern chairs out onto the balcony. He really needed some furniture for there. Why even have a balcony?
By the time Loki was properly groomed Tony had brought an ice bucket with scotch and two glasses. It was rather cliche, drinking on the balcony in the sunset with your buddy, but whatever. He was Tony Stark.
"How hackneyed." Loki snorted. "The armchairs are a nice touch, I will admit."
"I need some patio furniture." Tony shrugged. "Have a drink."
Loki did, gratefully accepting the alcohol and settling in his princely fashion in the chair.
"Okay, so I'm guessing the reason you're here is 'cause you don't want to go home? That's fine with me, 'Lo, just, if you want to talk about it...?" Tony said.
"Truthfully, I do not. This may change after I become more intoxicated." Loki said dully.
"It's cool. C'mon, we can do shots. I haven't done them properly for years, and I mean, there's no more experienced a drinker than you, right?" Tony said, dashing inside to grab various liquors and two shot glasses.
-O.O-
About an hour later, it was nearly dark and Loki and Tony were giggling like children as they both clutched their empty shot glasses.
"See, I've figured it out." Tony laughed. "You're not Loki, y'know? You're the anti-Steve."
"Am I?" Loki said, drinking straight from a bottle of tequila. "Why?"
"Cause, like, he's all nice and prudish and shit, and then there's yooooou." Tony chuckled. "You're not even American, and you're all slutty and bitchy and loveable and...black hair and stuff."
"You're actually right." Loki said thoughtfully. "Add in the fact he's straight and cannot drink and he would neeeeever do drugs...I think you're right. I will desist being Loki. I am the anti-Steve."
"You two should definitely get together." Tony said seriously.
"He is too innocent, you understand? I would soil his virginal brain...and then I could not be the anti-Steve anymore." Loki said.
"That would suck." Tony said.
"Yes, I agree..." Loki said sleepily.
"Who am I the anti of, then?" Tony asked.
-O.O-
Steve walked into the living room to talk to Clint and Bruce, who were playing chess.
"Have either of you seen Tony or Loki?" He asked. "It's nearly dinnertime."
"I asked JARVIS before. They're on Tony's balcony getting drunk." Clint replied, moving his knight to take one of Bruce's pawns.
"...Ah." Steve replied. "Should I leave them?"
"Probably. If they want food they'll get it." Bruce said.
"Besides, you really don't wanna know what they're talking about. They're always weird." Clint added.
-O.O-
"I am the anti-Pepper!" Tony declared boldly.
"I salute this." Loki said, raising his bottle.
"Maybe Pepper and Steve could get together." Tony said thoughtfully.
"Anthony, no! They would be so irritatingly righteous together. I shudder to think of it." Loki gasped.
"Oh, god, you're right. Skip that." Tony said in horror.
"Miss Potts is a rather domineering woman. Even I find her a tad intimidating." Loki agreed.
"And you've slept with her, I mean. Why did you do that?" Tony asked suddenly.
"Nothing personal. She is rather attractive. Though she may have been trying to make you jealous; I do not know." Loki shrugged.
"Women." Tony said in a mixture of awe and distaste.
"Fortunately for we bisexuals they are not such a problem." Loki said airily.
"Definitely. Gah. I'm tired already." Tony said with a yawn. "Last night was a big night."
"Very enjoyable, but did I not tell you not to mention it?" Loki said warningly.
"Oh yeah. Never mind then. You know, if you were a good friend you'd go into the bar and fetch my little vials of hangover cure." Tony said suggestively.
"I am not a good friend, though. I have been told by everyone imaginable how unpleasant I am. How do you nice." Loki said robotically.
"I can see you're not going to help. Fine. But you might need it, cause you're going to have to look at least a little bit sober tomorrow." Tony said.
"Shit, I forgot about that. Hold on." Loki said, climbing unsteadily to his feet before walking inside and coming back with a pair of red vials.
"Downnnnn the hatch." Tony chirruped, snatching one and gulping it down. Then he made grabby hands at Loki. "Carry me to bed, Sparkles."
"Carry your own drunken arse to bed." Loki mock-growled.
"You've never had any problem with taking me to bed before." Tony said suggestively.
"No, I have not, but I refuse to carry you." Loki snorted, downing his hangover cure.
"Pleeeeeease?" Tony whined.
"...No." Loki frowned.
"You have no right to be as sober as you are." Tony hiccupped.
"I have the liver of a deity." Loki explained, holding out a hand. "Get up."
Tony gratefully grabbed the hand and wobbled to his feet, leaning heavily against his sometimes-lover. "How are you this steady? It's not even fair."
"Practice, youth, and excellent genetics. If I understood Farbauti correctly alcoholism is a family trait." Loki said.
"Mmm. Same here. The Starks are known for it." Tony said, eyelids drooping as Loki helped him inside and dumped him on his couch. "What happened to bed?"
"I refuse to drag you that far." Loki said indignantly. He rummaged around and unearthed a thin blanket. It wasn't cold, being late-summer, but better safe than sorry. "Consider yourself lucky I do not leave you to freeze."
"Thanks, I suppose. Anti-Steve. Hehe." Tony chuckled. Then, as Loki leaned over to tuck him in, Tony held him by the back of the neck and kissed him softly, to Loki's surprise. "Thank you." He murmured against Loki's mouth.
Loki straightened up with a fond, slightly drunken smile while internally freaking out at the sudden domesticity and said "Goodnight, Anthony."
"You could stay. We can have a pajama party. Or a no-pajama party." Tony said with a rather lecherous grin.
"I must return home. A testimonial of my character will not go well if I turn up late with the same clothes I was wearing last night." Loki said soberly.
"Aw, no fun. I'll see you tomorrow, I guess." Tony said dozily, snuggling deeper into a cushion.
Watching thoughtfully to check Tony was asleep, Loki gently rubbed Tony's hair and then teleported home.
The sober part of his brain vaguely touched on the fact that that had been the first time they'd kissed that hadn't been immediately followed by sex, barring that aborted blowjob in the elevator a while back. What that meant, he didn't want to know.
-O.O-
Thor and Darcy were watching a movie in Darcy's quarters downstairs from Loki's, which Loki teleported into accidentally.
"Loki?" Darcy said confusedly. "I didn't expect you home. Or in here."
Loki chuckled. "My aim was off." He said by way of explanation, stumbling a little.
"Are you inebriated, brother?" Thor said worriedly.
"The number of shots consumed within the last hour would suggest so." Loki said with a smirk, making for the elevator.
"Where were you?" Darcy frowned.
"Avengers Tower." Loki said, giving up on waiting for it after a few seconds and teleporting into his room.
"Is Loki well?" Thor asked Darcy.
"Eh. Better he was with Tony than surrounded by golddiggers who take advantage of him." Darcy said.
-O.O-
Loki couldn't knot his tie.
Normally he was fine, Windsor knot and he was away, but he was nauseous and probably still a little drunk, and he'd forgotten how.
"SADIE?" Loki said hopefully.
"Yes, my master?" She said in her smooth English accent.
"Would you be so kind as to ask Darcy to my chamber?" Loki said.
"Most certainly, sir." SADIE replied, and in a few minutes Darcy walked in in her Betty Boop pajamas that Loki had been trying to convince her to throw out for ages now.
"You okay?" Darcy asked.
"I cannot for the life of me recall how to tie this." Loki said, gesturing to the black silk feebly. "I assume you know."
"You're actually a toddler, you know that?" Darcy laughed, reaching up to knot the fabric. "Is this about the trial thingie?"
"Yes. Expect me home tonight. Maybe." Loki said with a mischievious grin.
"You shouldn't have gotten drunk." Darcy scolded. "It always makes trouble."
"I do what I want." Loki said, and Darcy was certain she'd heard him say those words a thousand times before.
"Whatever. Try and at least act like a mature, responsible individual." Darcy said with a fond eye-roll.
-O.O-
Everyone made it to the jet on time looking at least somewhat tidy. The hangover cure worked wonders for headaches and dry throat, but Tony hadn't quite tweaked the nausea and light sensitivity aspects of the whole situation and so Loki and Tony were discretely sipping coffee or tea respectively and trying not to gag.
"You two really shouldn't have been drinking last night." Steve said disapprovingly.
"I do what I want." Loki said through dark sunglasses.
Tony, who was also wearing sunglasses, added under his breath to Loki "Annnnti-Stevvveeee."
Loki started laughing randomly while everyone shot them the wow they're gay look. It was an actual look in the tower.
The flight was short in the modern jet so soon they were rolling into D.C without a care, Loki and Tony stepping off the plane and acting like yes, sunglasses were the new style.
Once they'd been chaffeured to where they were supposed to be, they were forced to wait around a while until they were ushered into a small courtroom, more like a conference room than anything else, except Loki was seated on a bench while everyone else was sitting in the smaller rows of seating which faced the front with him.
"Order, please." The slim, middle-aged man sitting at the front of the room on a raised dias said.
Everyone fell quiet, even Loki and Tony, who lacked skill at following orders.
A few more people filed in, three women and another man, and sat at the front of the room. Then projection screens were dropped from the roof and four more people joined them via videophone, their faces in shadow.
"I am Agent Winchester, of SHIELD, and I am delighted to welcome you all here today." The man at the front of the room said. "This is a rather unorthodox situation, and not one that should be made public, hence the relative lack of people in here. I would do introductions, but as everyone knows the Avengers, and the Avengers don't need to know who is judging their teammate, I will skip that."
Loki raised a sceptical eyebrow.
"Firstly, Mr Laufeyson, could you please remove your sunglasses?" Winchester asked.
Loki did, blinking furiously in the fluourescent light.
"Sir, have you been drinking?" One of the men at the front of the room asked.
"Not today." Loki replied smoothly, trying his best to look like a sober, mature individual, just like Darcy asked. Good thing he'd put concealer on his hickey. "Agent Winchester, continue."
"Ahem. Well. As we all know, we face a threat far greater than the one that attacked Manhattan three months ago. This hearing is to confirm that Loki Laufeyson is capable of running our counterattack, and will be able to withstand the stresses and pressures of such an operation." Winchester continued. "Firstly, I welcome Director Fury to the room, as he is most informed in the matter."
"Are we supposed to clap?" Tony whispered to Clint as Fury filed into the room, followed by Agent Hill, to stand at the front.
"I doubt it." Clint replied.
"Director Fury, what do you have to say?" Winchester asked.
"Members of the United States government, and of SHIELD, you need to understand that the threat we face is greater than anything Earth has ever fought before." Fury started. "Our enemy has no concept of Geneva, or any other laws of fair play, and in technology we are far outgunned. Our only hope, in my opinion, is the man who actually made the other team's plan, although he was under mind control. Laufeyson represents the nation's finest tacticians admirably, and combined with his field experience, is a strong choice for this role."
"Thank you, Director." Loki said gratefully.
"That said, you are right to have reservations. Any tabloid in the country could give you a shopping list of the crazy shit he's pulled."
"...I do not thank you for that." Loki frowned.
"Director Fury, do we have an account of how Laufeyson plans to defeat our opponent?" One of the shadowy onscreen faces asked.
"Seeing as he may try to sell it to you nicely if we let him tell you now, I have the recording of the original pitch to his fellow Avengers and myself." Fury said. "Hill?"
Hill quickly pressed a few buttons and then Loki's presentation to the team appeared on the screens. "Today, Avengers, operatives of SHIELD, we are at war. Of course, the war started back in May, we..." And etcetra.
The people at the front of the room looked on with a mixture of expressions: surprise, a bit; confusion, a little; boredom in places; firstly and foremostly disbelief.
Loki looked way too satisfied at his handiwork, especially when everyone looked a little awkward at the 'Silvertongue' comment.