Chapter 9b: My Love
Botan wanted to ask Matsurika what she meant, as she was being incredibly cryptic, but at the same time, she was a little afraid to pressurise her for any information, lest she attack her again. She still had that dreamy look on her face, a look that was in direct contrast to the violent one she had worn when she had threatened to slit Botan's throat.
"This is a lovely home you have," Botan instead said, when her need to break the awkward silence overtook her fear.
"I have many lovely things," Matsurika casually replied. "My friend Uso was one of them. I'll miss her."
"W-well, if it makes you feel any better, I would like to go back to my old life," Botan offered. "And then Uso could come back here."
Matsurika turned to face Botan directly.
"After how hard she's worked to take your life, she won't just hand it back," she warned.
"I thought that might be the case–"
"Not without a fight. Do you really think you could take Uso in a fight?"
"Doshu told me the exchange will end if one of us dies."
"You couldn't possibly kill Uso."
"No, but I could kill myself."
Matsurika visibly started at Botan's response.
"Are you insane?" she asked. "You would do that? Why?"
"Because I would rather die than have Uso read any part of my notebook to anybody – especially Hiei!"
"You would die to save yourself humiliation? If you die, maybe this Hiei will just read your notebook anyway–what is your notebook?"
"It's my very personal notebook that Uso stole from me! And… What if… What if Hiei likes her? What if he likes her in the way I always wanted him to like me?"
"What if he does?"
"Then I'd kill myself to stop her getting her claws into him!"
"If you really love this guy, and he really loves Uso, wouldn't it be really selfish of you to stop them from being together?"
Botan faltered, the idea then truly sinking in that maybe Hiei might like Uso, and maybe she would have to remain in Demon World for all eternity, watching him fall in love with her.
"Well, you'll have to excuse me, I have customers," Matsurika said, stepping away from the window. "When you're ready, see yourself out. If you're hungry, there's food in the kitchen, help yourself."
"Really?" Botan asked.
"Yes," Matsurika replied.
Botan, famished beyond reason, ended up in the kitchen before Matsurika had even got that far herself. Matsurika called out a goodbye to her, but Botan merely nodded back at her, her hands and mouth already stuffed with food. As soon as she was alone and had eaten enough to satisfy her immediate hunger, she began to think more logically, seeking out a good-sized flask and filling it with water, then she grabbed an old resin bag and filled it with as many fruits and dried meats as she could reasonably fit into it, making sure that she took every one of the golden apples Doshu was so fond of.
Botan then set out to find her feathered friend, share her bounty, and plan for a way back to her own life. She left Matsurika's unusually prestige building and headed out into the dank streets beyond, making her way around a corner and finding herself on the road Matsurika's hut was located.
And there, Botan stopped short, dropping her bag and her flask, frozen in disbelief at what she saw ahead of her.
"Let's just get outta here!"
The sound of Yusuke's voice was like music to Botan's ears, after so long of neither seeing nor hearing her friends, she almost felt that she was hallucinating as she watched Yusuke pushing Kuwabara away from Matsurika, who was standing by her hut. The duo started to move away, into a crowd that had gathered outside Matsurika's hut – no doubt in anticipation of her opening, to purchase their wares from her – and Botan clumsily ran after them, bumping into bodies and tripping over feet to the point that she almost fell over completely several times.
"Yusuke!" she cried, trying to raise her voice over the humdrum of the chattering crowd of bodies between them.
Ahead of her, through the crowd, Yusuke stopped walking, and put out a hand to stop Kuwabara at his side. Botan smiled and stopped where she stood, not even caring when someone shouldered into her, causing her to stagger back a step. Finally her friends had arrived and finally she could go home: the nightmare was over at last.
After a moment of overwhelming relief, Botan started forwards again: but as she did so, so did Yusuke and Kuwabara. They were moving slowly though, and, by pushing her way through the crowd, she was confident that she could catch up to them. As she finally cleared the crowd and reached a clear part of the street, Botan called out to Yusuke again, and again he stopped, looking back over his shoulder. Botan stopped and broke into a smile, tears momentarily blurring her eyes as her emotions literally welled up: she had never felt so relieved or so pleased to see a friendly face in her entire existence.
Yusuke turned fully around and looked about himself. Twice he looked directly at her, but neither time did his eyes linger on her. Kuwabara looked about the streets, but he too looked over Botan as though she was just another anonymous demon in the crowd.
And that was when she realised that was all she was: just another anonymous demon in a crowd.
Even Yusuke and Kuwabara could not see who she really was.
Botan watched them turn away and run off at top speed, and she fell to her knees, her legs no longer able to support her. If even her own friends no longer recognised her, then everything Doshu had warned her about really was true: going to her friends or to Spirit World for help would be pointless. Uso had, after all, turned her into a demon, and that was all they now saw her as. Botan remained there, on her knees, tears slipping from her eyes, but being absorbed into her masque – which made her wonder if that was another purpose it served, to hide tears – watching the dust cloud ahead of her slowly dissipate.
"Hey, what are you doing? Are you okay? Botan?"
Doshu was hopping about around her, but Botan could not even muster the strength to answer her.
"Are you feeling better? Did you get up too soon? Do you still feel weak?"
Botan found herself raising one arm to point in the direction she was looking. Doshu hopped to a halt and turned her head, craning her neck forwards and searching the area with keen eyes.
"What is it?" she asked. "I don't see anything unusual. Unless..."
Doshu turned and ran her eyes over Botan.
"Did someone mug you?" she asked. "Not that you actually anything of value on you. I mean, neither of us do, after they already cleared out the apartment..."
"This is it now, isn't it?" Botan asked, her voice low and deep, sounding strange to even her own ears. "This is how it will always be. I can't go back. This is my life now. This is what I am now."
Doshu looked up at her with wide eyes and an almost infant-like look of wonder.
"Be honest with me, Doshu," Botan said, turning to look down at her. "This is it, isn't it? This is the real extent of Uso's powers. This is what she's really done to me. Now it's just you, and me and the rotten old apartment... Oh, and my best friend is a wealthy sex addict and black market merchant!"
"Well..." Doshu began. "That's... That's my life you're describing there too, you know..."
Botan looked down at Doshu, almost wanting to grab her up into a hug so tight it became suffocating for them both.
"Doshu, you are the only beacon of light in this dark, dark place," she said sadly.
"Hey angel, you forgot all the stuff you stole from me."
Botan looked back over her shoulder, finding Matsurika walking towards her, the bag and flask Botan had taken in one hand, and one of the golden apples in her other hand. She took a bite out of the apple as she joined Botan and held out the bag and flask towards her.
"If you're that hungry, why don't you just go to the restaurant around the corner there?" Matsurika asked through a mouthful of apple.
"I don't have any money!" Botan wailed.
"So go to work and earn some," Matsurika flatly replied. "Uso worked."
"As a stripper, yes!" Botan indignantly replied.
"She made good money," Matsurika said with a shrug. "Don't knock it 'til you try it."
Botan accepted the bag and flask and then accepted Matsurika's hand when she offered it, allowing her to help her to her feet.
"Matsurika?" Botan began.
"Hm?" Matsurika responded, munching her way through her apple.
"Those two you were just talking to – Yusuke and Kuwabara – did they–"
"Hm, hey!"
Matsurika hurriedly swallowed the contents of her mouth, something that looked quite painful, a visible lump passing down her throat in her frantic attempt to clear her mouth.
"You know those two?" she asked.
"Yes, they are friends..." Botan began, before wilting a little. "They were friends of mine. Although now I suppose they are friends of Uso's..."
"One of them was just an idiot really, but the other guy was really cute, right?" Matsurika said.
Botan balked.
"Well, I suppose Yusuke does have a sort of dry-witted charm about him–"
"Not Yusuke!" Matsurika cut her off. "The other one. Kuwabara. He was my kinda guy!"
Botan's eyebrows shot up.
"R-really?" she asked. "I mean, not that he's not just lovely, it's just that usually girls don't necessarily–Kuwabara, really?"
Matsurika nodded and flung the core of her apple into the air and although Botan saw, from the corner of her eye, that Doshu shamelessly caught the chewed up, seeded remains of the apple and gladly ate every piece of it, her attention remained fixed on Matsurika.
"You don't think he's handsome?" she asked, throwing Botan a critical look as though she was the one saying something unusual.
"I don't think he's ugly, but he's not necessarily every girl's cup of tea," Botan replied.
"Well those girls are crazy, he's gorgeous!" Matsurika frankly replied.
"Well, I am sure he would be very pleased to know–you did see Yusuke, the other one who was with Kuwabara, right?"
"The one with the shoe polish hair and bushy eyebrows?"
"Well, I suppose you could describe him that way, yes..."
"I saw him. I heard him too. Not my type."
Botan opened her mouth and held up a finger, but soon found her finger wilting and her mouth closing.
"Well, this has been a very..." she began slowly. "Enlightening discussion, and a very... Strange and yet rather welcome distraction from... You really think Kuwabara is the better looking one?"
"You're crazy," Matsurika scoffed. "And if you really think he isn't, then that just proves that you don't belong here!"
Matsurika turned and started to leave and Botan straightened her back pouting and glowering at her back as she left.
"Well excuse me, but I never said that I did belong here!" she shouted after her.
"Good luck with whatever you're off to do," Matsurika called back, keeping her head forward, but raising one hand by her head in a half-hearted wave.
Botan turned to Doshu.
"Can you believe that?" she asked her.
Doshu tilted her head.
"Who do you think is better looking Doshu?" Botan pressed. "Kuwabara or Yusuke?"
"I'm a bird, Botan," Doshu reminded her.
"Yes, but you have eyes, don't you?"
Doshu gave Botan one of her flat looks – a look Botan saw on her face more often than she cared for – and said nothing.
"Oh well, never mind," Botan said with a sigh. "They didn't know who I was, Doshu. They were here – Yusuke and Kuwabara – and neither of them recognised me. Is it really that bad? It's just a change in energy, right? I mean, I'm still me! What I am might be a little bit different, but who I am is still me, right?"
"Absolutely," Doshu agreed. "This place, what's happened to you, none of it is changing who you are: not in the slightest."
Botan nodded and reached into her back pocket, retrieving the broken communication mirror Doshu had recovered for her.
"Do you suppose Matsurika might know someone who could fix this?" she asked.
Doshu gave Botan another flat look.
"Oh, what are you giving me that look for now?" Botan snapped.
"Someone in Demon World capable of fixing a Spirit World device is a real rarity," Doshu replied. "And the price for their services will be high."
"And I have no money," Botan said forlornly.
"Cash isn't exactly the currency you would be expected to pay in, but I sort of suspect you wouldn't want to pay this particular fee..."
Botan's eyes widened and Doshu nodded. Then, Botan again saw an odd look on Doshu's face, one she had noticed a few times, fleetingly.
"So Matsurika figured out that you're not Uso?" she asked.
Botan nodded. Doshu leaned to one side, peering past Botan at Matsurika, who had returned to her hut.
"I suppose that's okay," she mused. "But you don't want to let too many others find out you're not really Uso. It will only attract trouble for you."
Botan kept her head down, her eyes still on her broken communication mirror. Having one of her material possessions back in her hand felt strange. It made her realise that a part of her had purposefully forgotten about her life up until the point she landed in Demon World as a demon herself. She had heard Genkai talk about a similar thing once before, after they had witnessed Keiko pretending not to care when Yusuke left for Demon World. Genkai had told Botan that denial was a natural defence mechanism to avoid emotional pain.
"It's changed already," she said, speaking more to herself than Doshu. "Everything has changed already. Even if do manage to get back, everything will be different. She will have shown them all a different side of me – their memories of me have been tainted by her. Even if they know she was a faker, it doesn't matter if she's been reading them personal entries from my notebook."
Botan closed her fist around the communicator, thinking that she simply wished to enclose it within her fingers and then return it to her pocket: but somehow she ended up crushing it, shattered pieces jumping out from the spaces between her fingers. Doshu's eyes doubled in size as she looked on at the damage and Botan sighed forlornly.
"I still don't really understand demon energy," she explained. "It's not the same as spirit energy."
Botan put the broken remains of the communicator into the bag Matsurika had brought her – since she reasoned that leaving even a broken item from Spirit World lying around in Demon World was a bad idea – and then held her hands out in front of herself, flexing her fingers and watching as demon energy glowed and crackled around them.
"It's easier to access," she continued. "It's more… Natural. I have to concentrate to use spirit energy, but demon energy just appears, with very little effort."
"Using it up tires you out just the same," Doshu warned. "Remember what happened last night when you shot off all those arrows?"
"Yes…" Botan said, focusing a small effort into her hands and watching the glow intensify. "Because I was using the same amount of effort I would have used if I had been relying on my spirit energy to power those arrows – but demon energy doesn't require so much effort. You know, in a way, this makes me more powerful than Uso."
"I wouldn't say that…" Doshu muttered.
"I would. I can tap into her energy reserves in a way she probably never bothered to. I'm more accustomed to having to work hard to make an attack count: if I can train a little and better understand the limits of my powers, I could be stronger than her."
"Botan, you already are stronger than her. She has your energy now, remember?"
Botan found herself squinting against the glow of energy from her hands. Her training the night before had worn her out, but, after some rest, she was almost too eager to go out and do it all over again. This was obviously why Hiei, Yusuke and Kurama trained as hard as they did: it was an incredible high. And Botan, even without her notebook to help her keep track of the minutiae of her current situation, was sharp enough that she remembered Doshu telling her that Uso relied on her charm and skills of deception as much as her raw physical strength to get by. That meant that Uso was not necessarily a versed physical fighter, rather more of an emotional or psychological one. Botan's spirit energy was weaker than the demon energy she had inherited from Uso, and, as Uso had probably not trained, she might not fully appreciate how much effort she would need to use Botan's spirit energy: whereas Botan could access every part of Uso's demon energy.
"I could take her in a fight," she concluded aloud. "I don't have to die, I can fight her."
"Why would you do that?" Doshu asked.
"Because she stole my notebook, she stole my energy, she stole my friends and she stole my Hiei!"
"Well, okay, but your friends will see you as a demon, and if you attack Uso, they will defend her as if she were you."
"That's not true, when they see us together, they will see that she is an impostor! It doesn't matter how good she is at pretending, she won't ever be me! She can steal my energy and my notebook, but she can't steal my me!"
Doshu gave Botan another of her withering looks.
"Oh, what is it this time, Miss Doom?" Botan snapped at her.
"Botan, your friends were just here, right?" Doshu asked slowly. "And they just… Walked right by you, right?"
Botan's spirits immediately fell, right back down to the same low she had hit when Yusuke and Kuwabara had looked right though her.
"You're not you any more," Doshu added.
"Yes I am, Doshu," Botan insisted. "It doesn't matter what has happened, I am still me, and I'm not letting that nasty piece of work take what's mine!"
Botan stomped back along the street and joined the queue outside Matsurika's hut.
"Why are we back here?" Doshu asked.
"More ammunition," Botan sulkily replied.
"Right…" Doshu muttered.
"Because this way, if my friends really don't recognise me, I can just shoot her face off, and then, when she dies, I get my life back!" Botan harshly added.
"Yes, that would work," Doshu agreed. "But Matsurika won't support you doing that. Shouldn't you also maybe ask Matsurika why she was talking to your friends?"
Botan paused.
"That thought never occurred to you?" Doshu asked.
"Of course it did," Botan lied. "That's why we're in the queue: why was Matsurika talking to Yusuke and Kuwabara, and more arrows."
Doshu sighed and hopped off as though she intended to go do something else, but Botan soon managed to lure her back by producing one of the golden apples she had taken from Matsurika's kitchen: which she was glad of, as the queue ahead of her was moving very slowly, and she needed at least one friendly face close by as she waited.
Next Chapter: Botan learns (from Matsurika) that Yusuke and Kuwabara are going to the ice village to find Yukina, and although this seems odd, she continues with her plan of approaching the SDF, in their border expansion efforts, in an attempt to negotiate her way back into Spirit World. When the SDF are less than welcoming, Doshu performs a noble act that surprises herself and Botan. Chapter 10b: Bad Girl Gone Good
A/N: So chapter 10 is the first of a few of the a/b chapters where the title isn't the same from A to B story (these tend to be important in that they represent areas where the A and B story are more separate). We're now sort of halfway through B story already...