Ryder leaned against the outer walls. The wind was picking up, caressing her bare skin, leaving goosebumps in its wake. Ryder shivered. The sun peeking past the horizon. Another day, another shitty night. Fuck, I'm actually getting used to this. Today's sunrise was obscured by the clouds hanging the sky.
Music was the only company she had. It was a soft drone that came from her ear piece. It was atmospheric. It suited her dark mood. The words spoke her soul.
To be alone…
I don't need nobody, Oh I, I don't need nobody,
Oh I don't need nobody to be alone, to be alone.
And in the darkness a shallow poison it has grown,
I bite my tongue there's a fever I will not let it show.
Her departure and subsequent hop-scotch between planets had took all her energy and mental capacity to stay ahead of whatever APEX team Kandros had sent her way. She didn't actually have time to just be. Now, stuck on Kadara, Ryder was realising stopping to catch her breath wasn't so bad. At the same time, she found herself settling into a routine, a comfortable one at that. With free time came, thinking, a lot of thinking. Mostly about the crew.
How are they? How is Cora getting used to being Pathfinder? Is Scott mad at me? Shit, is anyone feeding my hamster?
Her mind spent a significant portion of its capacity worrying about Scott. She knew she had effectively done to him what her father did to her. She had abdicated her responsibilities, especially of their mother's cure, the benefactor and all the accompanying mysteries and tossed them all on his lap. Ryder clenched her fists, the thought about not being there to see her mother wake up was unbearable. Maybe, when enough time has passed I can keep tabs on them. Maybe. Ryder felt overwhelmed if she started counting the number of little things she would miss from her twin's life. They had always been pretty involved with each other lives though they had lived separate lives since enlisting. But he was never more than a comm call away.
Then as if thinking about her brother wasn't depressing enough, her mind would inevitably moved on to Jaal. Her mind was filled with nothing but regrets when it came to Jaal. The sweet short relationship they had shared burn so bright and was snuffed out by her own two hands. Sure, she didn't remember doing it but the image of Jaal looking through, not at, her during the trial hurt. She was the ultimate betrayer of his trust. It was like he just vanished from her life. Ryder figured he was probably relieved to finally see what a broken person she was, beyond repair, beyond fixing. Ryder just wished she had a chance to properly say goodbye and apologise.
The circuit her mind took always ended with SAM. Her last exchange with him broke her heart. His absence was like losing a part of herself, an integral part of herself. His voice was a near constant since she woke as Pathfinder. Her entire world turned upon its head. Her father dead. Why? To save my life. Why? Ryder could never ask now. She, suddenly the Pathfinder. Tasked to seek out golden worlds for everyone. Find the lost Arks. Gain the trust of the angara. Defeat the Archon. Protect Meridian. The list went on and on.
SAM was there every single step of the way even when she slept. He had been her constant companion, listening to her worries, her fears and her doubts. Things she never shared with another living soul, she trusted with SAM. They were two souls sharing a body. Before Scott woke up, SAM was her twin. After Scott woke up, Scott had his own life to live, his own path to walk while SAM was stuck with her and her to him. Ryder hoped SAM understood why she didn't fight harder. He was the only one with the clearest view of everything. He was the only one she had said a proper goodbye to.
Ryder sighed and rubbed the scar on her head, sometimes it tingled whenever she thought about SAM. She dusted herself off and headed back into port to start her shift at Kralla's Song. Starting the day with regrets and grief always meant that it would be a bad day. Ryder just hoped it didn't get worse with an episode.
There was a constant ache in his chest. It wasn't a physical pain but it's close to it. He rubbed his hand over his torso. Everyone had given him a wide berth since his return. The usual easy banter he had with his fellow Resistance fighters were now clipped and curt. Jaal knew he couldn't fault them but it still stung.
He entered the mess hall and picked up a tray. The trays of food were laid out, all steaming hot and smelling so delicious. Kitchen workers cooking feverishly to replenish the trays as fighters emptied them just as quickly. At least Jaal wasn't limited to the nutrient paste like he was on the Tempest. A sudden ache hit his chest. He winced.
As he topped up his tray with food, Jaal glanced around the mess hall. There was a subtle shift in the air. The conversation hushed. Nobody would meet his eye. Jaal sighed inwardly. He missed the Tempest crew. There, nobody questioned his loyalty, nobody judged him based on his family name, the past relationship with the… No. His mind shied away from the Ryder shaped hole in his heart.
He sat down heavily at an empty table, his tray before him. The food no longer enticing. Still, he spooned the food into his mouth mechanically. The scrutiny was worse after the ex-Pathfinder's escape. Suspicion flew rampant but Jaal was cleared by Evfra quickly enough. Still it didn't stop speculation, it didn't stop rumours and whispers.
Did you know Ama Darav was close to the Bloody Blade? Can you believe we trusted her? How could an elite fighter like Jaal misjudged so badly? How could we trust him in the Resistance? Can he be trusted?
Given how free Angaras were with their feelings, the whispers inevitably turned to words and then confrontations. Jaal was tired of defending himself. His heart sang when he was with her. She was a complicated person but she was good at heart. Everyone was blindsided by the attack, especially him. Why can't anyone see that?
If Jaal could block his ears he would. Now, all he knew was the ache in his chest and his longing for simpler times on the Tempest. His endless banters with Liam, suffering through Peebee's teasing, working with Vetra to get one particular mod he was looking for, poker nights with Gil and so much more. But the break was clean, he had no contact with them after sending his resignation to Cora, save in his thoughts.
His mind moved in a cautious circle around the raw gapping wound in the middle of his heart. Sara Ryder once the human Pathfinder, no longer his darling one, not the reason his heart sang. Those feelings and thoughts were sealed. He dared not examine them.
Every single time, he danced around Ryder's name, the Moshae looked at him with such sadness while others looked away embarrassed for him. He didn't understand why. His grief had ran its course, Jaal was sure. Never again
Jaal hardened himself against the whispered words. He built a skin thick enough to tolerate any questions about his ability to lead. But Jaal would never allow anyone, even Evfra, to question his resolve to the Angara Nations. He would never desert his roots. Jaal stood up from his chair, food consumed, back straightened. His eye sweeping over the others who were casting surreptitious looks in his direction. His mouth twisted once and everyone turned back to their food and conversations.
Jaal was more than ready to prove his loyalty. He trained, he worked, he laboured under Evfra's icy gaze. Maybe one day, that ice would thaw and he could stand with his brothers-in-arms as an equal once more. Until then, Jaal would devote body and soul to the Resistance.
Working at Kralla's Song had its perks but she was still barely making ends meet. It's hand to mouth for the entire month she was on Kadara. That's not really quite what she was looking for. Ryder needed to build a nest egg for when time came she inevitably had to bounce. Well, at least for now, she wasn't starving. For that she was immensely grateful to Umi, though she never actually said it out loud.
"Hey, are you going to the races?" Umi asked.
"What's that?"
Umi couldn't look more exasperated if she tried. "What do you mean by that?" she asked thinking Ryder was deliberately pretending to be obtuse.
Ryder just shrugged as she leaned against the counter, keeping an eye on the crowd. She didn't really care. "The races!" Umi insisted, as she poured yet a shot for another customer. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
She just stared at Umi and grunted. "You're more animal than human, girl."
"The hover bike races? Happens every two months? Crowds? Booze? Betting? Ring a bell?"
Ryder shook her head. It turned out after Meridian, Sloane consolidated her hold on Kadara. Vandre, a military vehicle corporation, approached Sloane not long after for use of the great big dessert she had outside of the port. The great Sloane Kelly agreed and probably said, "Yes, go ahead but first hand over some credits."
Or something like that, Ryder didn't bother getting all the facts straight. Suddenly, that made so much more sense since Ryder couldn't turn around without seeing a hover bike on Kadara nowadays. More importantly, Sloane was hiring security.
Ka-ching!
Kaetus eyed her up and down critically. "You have no weapons or armour of your own?" he asked.
Ryder Pulled her small axis-lock knife from her boot and it smacked into her open palm. With a single motion action, she flicked the blade open. "Never needed any," she said.
Actually I just can't afford one.
Kaetus' brow ridges raised in unison. Apparently impressed by the display, he said, "You're hired. It's a standard flat fee of 1000 credits for the day's work."
1000 credits? That's a no brainer, that's about a quarter of what she needed for a quick ticket off Kadara. "Deal," she said.
Kaetus rattled off the details for the job. Security along the track against Kadara wildlife, namely the larger ones which could derail the entire race. Crowd control for when betting disputes inevitably happened.
Kaetus covered the rules as well. Killing wildlife was totally permitted, the watching spectators not so much but slapping them around was okay as long as they were still breathing when she was done. As she left, Kaetus called out. "You! With the biotics."
She turned, figuring there weren't many biotics around. Kaetus tossed a pistol over to her and she caught it deftly with her biotics, showing off a little. The weight was comforting in her hand, she turned it around and realised she was holding a M3 Predator. Her face twisted in distaste. "No Carnifex?" she asked hopefully.
"Don't push it," Kaetus said. "And keep it, we have too many than we know what to do with."
Ryder nodded. As she left she twisted out of the way to avoid colliding into a young turian rushing headlong into Sloane's headquarters. If it had been a bad day, Ryder would have snapped at the boy but she had a new job and a new, well new to her, pistol. So all in all, it's not bad for a day's effort.
Ryder checked the pistol over. It looked like all it needed a proper cleaning and it should be good to go. She rolled her eyes as she realised Kaetus neglected to actually give her any ammo to go with the pistol. What did he expect her to fire the pistol with? She picked up a couple of ammo magazines for the Predator on the way home along with a used hip holster and an old but serviceable asari commando jacket. The holster wasn't ideal since it was a right handed holster but beggars, choosers and all that.
It's been a while since Ryder actually handle a weapon so she spent her time dry firing the pistol, getting used to the weight. Having a pistol in her procession felt like a small step upwards in Kadara society.
The race was scheduled to start in the evening when the weather was cooler. So it was the late afternoon she got herself down to the tracks. Well, tracks would have been too generous, it was basically the badlands. The route was marked out roughly with beacons lining the dirt. It's running around one of the acid lakes near the outskirts of the port.
Merchants and stalls owners were set up all along the track, everyone was there hawking their wares. "Bike mods that is guaranteed to bring you victory! Get your hot dogs here! It's a human delicacy! Place your bets now! Ryncol, human stout and turian beer here!"
Everyone shouting a version of the usual fare. The crowd was slowly forming as the badlands seemed to have transformed into a festive atmosphere. Ryder was at a loss of words. Vaguely she wondered if anyone from Ditaeon had travelled down for this. It's practically a Kadara holiday or something.
Ryder joined the other new hires as they waited to receive their final assignments. Kaetus had assigned her to a roving squad that acted on the signal of the sniper teams situated all along the track. It wasn't a bad placement since she would be mostly near the tracks if nothing bad happened. Ryder eyed the rest of her squad and vaguely she wondered if Kaetus had assigned anyone as a squad leader.
The crowd was fast turning into a horde as the sun sank lower in the sky. The teams were wheeling their bikes to the starting line. Ryder's eyes ran down the entire line and saw bikes of all shapes and sizes. One of them the red sleek thing she saw at Wrench's workshop. Her heart leapt at the sight of it. Silently she hoped that would be the one that won. Apparently there weren't any real formalised rules for the race. All of them powered by mini mass effect drives and they had a blue shimmer of shield surrounding each. Crash protection?
Ryder walked over to a hot dog seller and grabbed one that's ready. The asari manning the stall opened her mouth to protest but Ryder jerked her thumb in Sloane's direction and said, "I work for her."
The asari clamped her mouth shut and settled for glaring instead. Ryder smirked and chomped down on the hot dog. It tasted like processed food heaven. The saltiness was nicely complimented by the liberal amount of ketchup she slathered on. Imagine that, perks when working for Sloane.
She watched as Sloane settled into her seat. She was the only one who got to watch the race from her elevated platform. Kaetus was standing just behind her seat. Ryder wondered if Sloane was going to do the flag off and all that like a princess in a tourney or something. Then the revving of the engines pulled her attention away. An announcer started rattling off some colourful commentary. Dust and small pebbles were thrown up as the bikes took off as soon as the air horn rang out. It wasn't the high pitched roar of the low capacity engines that's oh so familiar to Ryder's ears but a soft purr of mass effect drives. She clenched her fists as if closing them over the grips of a bike. Damn, I miss riding so much.
At first, Ryder had expected the race to be boring laps around the track like those she had watched back on the Citadel. Apparently she had underestimated how things were never boring on Kadara. It started out pretty tame then by the second lap the track was filled with the sound of metal on metal collisions. Apparently ramming your opponent was a totally legit way to get ahead in this race. Sometimes crashes turned into explosions and pieces were just flying all over the spectators. It's a blood sport even for the spectators. Ryder wondered if the biotics shields were even enough protection for all that mayhem. Pretty soon the pack of thirty were whittled down to just a handful. The sleek red hover bike was among those eliminated.
By the time the race was over, it was way past sunset. Ryder didn't get to fire her pistol but she did get to punch a krogan and then an asari for harassing their fellow spectators. She even spotted the human and turian duo from her first day on Kadara. The turian still had a heavy bandage wrapped around his mandibles while the human was still spotting fading bruises from his violent contact with the bar counter. It seemed they had grown a brain to share since they gave her a wide berth. Ryder was impressed. Sloane was a prompt paymaster. Kaetus transferred 1000 credits to her omni tool as soon as the winner was announced.
She eyed the vast amount of debris around the track and wondered if she could piece a hover bike from the pieces all around her. It was then she spotted the winner wheeling her trashed bike to the pile. She ran over. "Are you not going to fix it?" she asked.
The rider shook her head at her. "It's not worth the effort. It's probably easier to start modding from a new one."
An idea sparked in Ryder's head. "Can I have it?"
"Sure, knock yourself out. All valuable parts have been stripped mind you," the rider said.
Ryder couldn't believe her luck and took hold of the handle bars. The feel of the rubber under her bare hands brought back some of her best memories. "Know any good and cheap mechanics?" she asked the rider who was walking away.
The rider laughed. "Good ones are never cheap, cheap ones are never good. Look for Wrench. She's one of the best but she's fair with her prices."
Ryder nodded, her mouth twisting a little at the thought. "Thanks and congrats by the way."
The rider just lifted her helmet and waved as she walked away.
Ryder pushed the mostly intact bike back to Umi's and started her shift. One glare from Umi she knew she had to get the bike out of Kralla's Song sooner rather than later. Ryder dreaded the thought of speaking to Wrench. It seemed their paths were bound to cross once more.
After race day, Kralla's Song was flooded with the winners and losers. Some drank to celebrate their winnings, others to drown their sorrows. Either way, Umi was the ultimate winner here. Ryder was kept busy with many heads to bust and people to keep in line. This time with a pistol at her hip she found her fists needed to meet less flesh and plates. By the time closing time was coming around, the bar was drank dry. Umi had nothing left but water and nobody wanted that in a bar. She gave Ryder the next day off.
Even being on her feet for most of the previous day and barely sleeping after, Ryder was up with the sun. It seemed tiring herself out didn't keep the nightmares at bay. The sunrise this morning was brilliant, or maybe Ryder was excited for once in months. Even her father's frowning couldn't dampen her spirits. She had a bike to fix up and the first thing she was going to do was to take it out for a ride. Ryder got up and headed back into the port.
Walking around the port in the wee hours of the morning, the chill of the dawn still hanging in the air, it was almost peaceful. The port still functioned more or less but most of the inhabitants still kept to a regular day / night cycle unlike the endless day in a space station. Her first order of business was some food and then a visit to Wrench's.
Food was easily settled with a ration bar working its way down to her stomach and a luxurious bottle of tea to chase it, Ryder was set to go. She stared at the hover bike at her feet. It's mass effect core was removed, obviously that's the most valuable part of the bike after all. However, with no mass effect core meant this bike wasn't going to hover anywhere soon. Carrying it was an utter pain in the ass and her attempt yesterday had convinced her to find another way. Ryder shrugged, it seemed biotics was going to be the way to go.
By the time, Ryder made it to Wrench's, she was praying Wrench wouldn't refuse her. Sweat was pouring down her neck and back. The good mood she woke up with was rapidly being leached away with every grunt of effort. Ryder set the bike down with a thump as she took a break. Ryder didn't have much credits to her name, just the 1000 she earned yesterday and a little more from her time with Umi. What is the going rate to fix something like that?
Ryder looked up as she heard a door hissed open. There was a loud bark and a white streak bounded towards her. She stifled her usual reaction to push back with her biotics. The white husky slammed into her and air rushed out of her lungs as she fell to the ground. "All right, all right," she laughed as Kiba licked her. "I'm happy to see you too."
Try as she might to push the dog off, Kiba wouldn't move until she had finished her greeting ritual. Satisfied, Kiba moved away allowing Ryder to get up. She found Wrench looking at her, an odd expression on her face. Ryder didn't know what to make of it. The mechanic turned back into her shop ignoring Ryder. She gathered her energy to lift the hover bike once more when Wrench emerged with a trolley big enough to put the bike on. Wrench guided Kiba away from the bike with her feet as Ryder lifted it onto the trolley. Thank the gods! The trolley had tiny mass effect fields and it made transporting the bike much easier.
Once all three were back in the workshop and the bike was safely down on the floor, Wrench started inspecting the bike without a word.
"How much to fix it?" Ryder asked.
"You can't afford it."
"You didn't even give me a price, how do you know I can't afford it?" Ryder asked angrily.
"5000 credits for a brand new mass effect core. Do you have that?"
"No..." she replied. "But we could work out a deal!"
Kiba barked as if indicating his approval at the proposal. "I have 1000 credits now. Loan me that core, fix the bike enough that it would run and you get first dips on everything I bring back."
Wrench narrowed her eyes at Ryder. First dips in salvage is good and all but it isn't particular attractive. "You'll sell me your salvage at a price of my choosing, this includes any Remnant ones," Wrench countered shrewdly.
Ryder huffed a breath out her mouth. Wrench had a reputation of being fair and she hadn't ratted her out to Umi, Ryder was desperate to a working bike. She couldn't quite put into words why. Throwing caution to the wind, Ryder decided she would take a chance here. With a bike she could lose herself in the badlands and lead everyone on a merry chase if it came down to it. She just needed enough to feed herself and buy some necessities. Remnant salvage on the other hand shouldn't be available willy nilly to anyone but Ryder figured anyone stupid enough to get them deserved whatever the Remnant dealt. She had no intention to venture into the vaults not without SAM. The remembered pain sent a tingle down her scar.
"And an honest answer," Wrench continued.
Ryder balked. Some questions would be too dangerous for her to answer. "I reserve the right to refuse the question."
What the hell does she want to know?
"Deal," Wrench said as she stretched her three fingered hand towards Ryder.
Ryder raised an hand eyebrow at the human gesture and took it in her own. "You're not asking your question yet?"
Wrench shook her head and smiled. "I'll collect my question later."
Lyrics taken from To Be Alone by Ben Howard