Targets of the Dark Force

by Estel Baggins

The Star Wars trilogy with a living QuiGon, and lots of different challenges than occurred in the Jedi Apprentice and Jedi Quest series.

26. The Lonely Years 3

Author's Note: Okay, this is the last "The Lonely Years". I can almost guarantee that. Enjoy!

The Lonely Years (3)

It was nearly dawn before Reeft and Anakin headed off to bed, though they'd started well before sunset. Reeft's rivals in terms of sheer stamina were few, and only a handful at Temple could challenge Anakin for raw determination. They hadn't talked of why Reeft had stopped out on the platform, but Anakin hadn't felt the need to ask. Just then, what was more important to him was that he learned to reach.

"It's a trust exercise," Reeft explained as the two of them settled themselves on his couch, leaning back, relaxed. "Did Obi-Wan ever ask you to jump while you were wearing a blindfold and trust that he would catch you with the Force?"

Anakin shook his head. "No, but he told me to jump, blindfolded, and trust that the Force would guide me to safety."

Reeft chuckled. "Ah. One step further, then. And were you able to do it?"

"Yes. Except… We had to work on it for a week, and Obi-Wan had to talk me into it." Anakin flushed. "I haven't worked on something that hard in a long time. And I was glad when it was over."

"Would you ever willingly try it again?"

No. He swallowed, wondering if this was how Reeft was going to teach him to reach Obi-Wan. "If it helps me gain something or learn something- something I can use to talk to Obi- then I'd try it again."

"Spoken honestly. Good. I won't be making you try it now, but you'll want to think about trying it later, with someone to supervise, of course. For now, I'll make my point: I asked you if you've ever done that trust exercise because to reach Obi-Wan, you're going to need to trust the Force. Degoba is far away, true? And ordinarily, the chance of two Jedi, even two as closely linked as you and your master, would be slim to none. But with the Force, all things are possible."

"But the Force makes our reaching each other possible at all. How can you coax more out of it?"

"You're not asking for more. You've just never had the need to reach so far to reach anyone. The Force is always capable of such reaching; you just have to follow its flow, and you'll be able to reach, too. Close your eyes. Center on what you want: to talk to Obi-Wan."

I need him, Force. Let me talk to him. The words were mostly perfunctory; Anakin didn't think the Force was listening. Or if it was, he didn't really need its help. Now that he knew the trick of seeking another's mind, he didn't need anything to lead him in the right direction. He extended his senses, seeking Obi-Wan in the endless blackness that rested between them. Thousands of parsecs away, he prayed Obi-Wan heard his voice and responded.

Thousands of parsecs away… He'd never even sensed Obi-Wan or been able to contact him when they were half a planet away. How in the name of Tatooine's twin suns could he hope to even feel Obi-Wan's mind over such a great distance, let alone talk to him? After all, he hadn't been able to sense Obi-Wan since his master left Coruscant, and that very lack had left a huge hole in his heart, a hole he'd been trying to fill with lightsaber practice and flying. He hadn't succeeded. The hole had only sent out little tendrils that touched all other aspects of his life.

"Having some difficulty?"

Anakin turned his head and glared at Reeft. The master's eyes were open. "You were just pretending to call him, weren't you?"

Reeft's gaze hardened. "What a waste of time. For me and for you. Do you really think I would go to such elaborate measures to hurt my friend's padawan? You must think I have a malicious streak." He grabbed Anakin's shoulders, his hands tight on them. "I would never do anything to hurt Obi-Wan, you, or anyone else. Not intentionally. If I didn't think we would have a chance of reaching Obi-Wan, I wouldn't have suggested it. Life's too short for nasty lies like that." He drew back from Anakin. "You're having difficulty because you aren't trusting the Force. Tell me if you were thinking something along these lines: he's so far away. How will I ever reach him? No Jedi has ever been able to reach that far."

Anakin stared down at his clasped hands. "Some of that, yeah."

"I guessed as much. Well, good. Now that you've named the doubts, let me say this: there is no distance in the Force. The Force is everywhere at once, and by being everywhere, and by knowing everything, each place is right next door to the one where you are. The Force doesn't work in parsecs but in the distance between one thought and the next."

"If that's true, then why can't most Jedi talk through the Force over long distances?"

"Most Jedi don't need to. It's called a communicator. Most Jedi use technology. But just because we don't use the Force to talk doesn't mean we can't."

"Have you used it before?"

"My master, when she learned that I was something of a savant when it came to maps and distances, insisted I learn to trust the Force for communication. For three years, all we did was work on that. Every time we contacted the Temple, I had to do it through the Force. And talk directly to Yoda, which was a challenge in and of itself."

Anakin nodded. "It's hard to talk to him sometimes. He's so wise and…"

"Ancient? Part of the reverence we all have for him is that he's been alive for so long and seen so much. And, seeing so much, and making an effort to understand it, he is wise." He paused. "Did Obi-Wan leave anything of his here?"

Anakin blinked. Here was another confession coming, and he knew this one couldn't be avoided. "He left most of his things here, only taking two complete changes of clothes and an extra pair of boots. He took his lightsaber with him, of course, and he took a focusing crystal, like the ones younglings use when they're first learning to feel the Force." He blushed. That last, maybe, he should have kept to himself. Now he wanted to explain Obi-Wan's actions so they couldn't be misconstrued. "Master Yoda suggested he take it." But Reeft didn't ask how Anakin knew what Obi-Wan had taken, and so the padawan forgot what he'd done in Obi-Wan's quarters for a little while.

Reeft nodded, seeming not to find anything strange about it. "I keep one by my bed at night for when I wake up and have trouble meditating." He saw the surprise on Anakin's face and shrugged. "Not all Jedi come to mediation easily at all times, and a focusing crystal is perfect for just such times. You may grow tired of hearing this- or maybe you haven't heard it before- but Obi-Wan was the only padawan in my year who came to meditation with enjoyment and ability to match."

"But… But Obi said he had trouble meditating when he was a youngling." Anakin drew closer to Reeft. It felt so good to say Obi-Wan's name to someone else. He hadn't realized that part of the bond he lacked with Zee was due to his own reluctance to speak of Obi-Wan. And he didn't like talking to other Jedi about his master because he always felt he had to be on the lookout for anything they might say against Obi-Wan, even though no one had said anything of the sort since Anakin and Ferus had made their peace on Rept'thik.

"True. As did most of us. But where most of us had trouble meditating because we couldn't hold still long enough, Obi-Wan lacked ability. And while he gained in ability quickly- he was proficient as his master by the time he turned eleven- the rest of us never sought meditation until we became much older and needed it to focus us in times of trouble. Obi-Wan may be patient by nature, but his ability to remain calm in a hundred different situations rises from the fact that he can meditate fully in a moment's notice, or half-meditate, even, when the situation won't allow full meditation."

"What's half-meditation? You've mentioned it twice now."

"Have you ever noticed Obi-Wan go completely still for a moment, maybe even close his eyes, then come back to the world around him?"

Anakin nodded. "But he's still a lot of the time."

"On missions, I'd be willing to bet that he's engaging in half meditation, not full. And doing it that way- descending to the world halfway between wakefulness and deep meditation- takes half the time and gets just about the same results."

"Then why would anyone do it the other way? And why wouldn't Obi-Wan teach me that way?"

"The answer to both is that half-meditation, though it goes half as deep, takes ten times the concentration of full meditation because you're still aware, on a conscious level, of the world around you. You're only choosing to let exterior things take second place to your thoughts. In full meditation- stop me if you know this-"

"You tune out everything." Anakin was nodding. It was easy to see why Obi-Wan hadn't taught him half-meditation, especially since I was only fourteen when he left, but Anakin wondered if half0meditation would have been easier. He would have been able to see and hear the rest of the world, so he would be aware of threats that didn't show up in the ripples form Force if he was only partly under. "Will you teach me to half-meditate?"

Reeft held up a hand. "Let me finish first. Remember how I said you get 'just about' the same results? That 'just about' is crucial. Healing trances can only be achieved in deep meditation. A Jedi's ultimate sacrifice can only be given in full meditation."

"What's that? Ultimate sacrifice? Do you mean death? Jedi can die while they're not meditating." Anakin laughed uneasily, wishing that he could keep Obi-Wan safe by ordering him not to go into deep meditation. He could just imagine trying to explain that one to his master!

"Death is sacrifice, and I suppose it is the ultimate sacrifice as the universe reckons such things, but the term 'ultimate sacrifice' as the Jedi think of it means one Jedi gives his life force to another so that the second can live."

"Is that like one Jedi giving another Force-sensitive blood so that Force will sustain him or her?"

"I don't know how you can know so much and yet not believe in the Force's true power." Reeft shook his head. "That's a greater puzzle to me than anything else we've discussed. No matter." He turned his eyes on Anakin again. "It's not quite like that, no, for the simple reason that the Jedi giving his blood is still alive afterward. In an ultimate sacrifice, the one giving his or her entire life force dies so that the other can live."

"Who would do that?" Even as he said it, Anakin thought he might, if Obi-Wan was dying and it was the only way.

"A Jedi who is dying might give his life force to someone else to make them stronger for the days ahead. When Master Tahl died, I hear she gave her life force to Qui-Gon because she knew she would never recover, and she knew Qui-Gon would need strength and the knowledge that she cared about him to get him through."

"Where did you-? I never heard that story."

"Obi-Wan told me. He was there at the moment of her death to assist the transfer because Qui-Gon was in too much pain to focus. And after Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan returned to Temple, Obi-Wan needed to talk about it, what it was like to be so connected to another Jedi that when that Jedi died, for a moment Obi-Wan could feel the vastness of the Force and know a little of what it would be like when his own death drew near. None of us want to consider our own deaths, and at sixteen Obi-Wan was being asked to do just that. It changed him, made him come to terms with death as the Jedi die it. In the end, helping Master Tahl die and give her life force to Qui-Gon made Obi-Wan a stronger Jedi." He stopped. "I didn't mean to go into all that. I'm sure you're sick of hearing- from me, at least- how strong Obi-Wan is."

"No. I've been..." He mumbled something.

"Come again?"

"So used to thinking of him as weaker than me that it's good to hear how strong he really is." He chewed his lip and stared at the carpet between his feet. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to let go of how much I want to protect him, but knowing that he's stronger will help when I have to start thinking about it."

"I'm glad you're keeping that in your mind. Back to half meditation. Can I teach you? Not at this moment because I don't know it myself. I've gone into it twice, and one of those times was for my Trials, but that was the last time, and I don't remember how to do it. I can refer you to Jedi that can do it, but, unfortunately, two of the three I know aren't at Temple just now." He said this with a sad smile.

"Obi is one. Is the other Qui-Gon?"

Reeft nodded. "And the third is Yoda. Those are the only ones I know, but there are probably others. None in our year, or in the years immediately around us, but maybe among the older Jedi. SO if you want to learn- and I'll grant you that I think it's a skill all Jedi should have, and one I'll soon be seeking Yoda's help in- you can either go to Yoda, or wait until one of the other two return."

"Who do you think will come back first?"

"Since I don't know why they left, I couldn't say. Not even Yoda knows really why they went. In the end, the Force called and they had to answer. They were helped by the Council, but all beginnings and ends can be traced to the Force." He slipped off the couch abruptly. "It's not required that we sit on the floor for this next bit, but since this posture is close to meditation, and what we're about to attempt is closer to meditation than simply talking mind-to-mind, it's as good a position as any to start in."

Anakin joined him. "I want him to hear me. But I really want to hear from him. That's selfish."

"In such a small, but important, thing as wanting to hear from your master, whom you love, it's all right to be a little selfish. Your need isn't hurting anyone or interfering with a mission. Clear your mind of that thought, and all others." He stopped, laughed softly. "Do you remember when I asked you if Obi-Wan had left anything behind in his quarters?"

Anakin nodded.

"I swear I'm too young to be having forgetful slips like this." He shook his head. "But I've had them all my life. Master Yaddle often said that's because I have too many thoughts going on in my head at once and I haven't spent sufficient time learning how to organize them. So, the reason I asked is because if you have something of Obi-Wan's to hold, it might be easier for you to do the reaching you need to. Would you like to go get something now?"

Anakin stood. "Yes." He knew just what he wanted, too.

Reeft also stood. "I'll have to go with you," he said. "Whatever was here at Temple two weeks ago is still here."

The padawan blushed, but nodded. How could he explain that he wanted to retrieve the item on his own? And how would he explain that he knew just where it was? I mean, it's not like Obi-Wan just left it sitting out on a shelf. I had to go digging to find it. With these thoughts running through his head, he led Reeft to Obi-Wan's quarters. Anakin didn't really think of them as his anymore. He hadn't been in them for more than a few hours since Obi-Wan left, and if he kept thinking of them only as 'Obi-Wan's quarters' then there was an unspoken guarantee that Obi-Wan would return to claim them.

The door to Obi-Wan's quarters wasn't locked; no door in the Temple was. Still, Anakin hesitated outside. He'd snuck in here in the dead of night two days after Obi-Wan left, and he'd even slept here once, burying himself deep in Obi-Wan's covers. Now, he was being watched, and he felt guilty, though he wasn't sure why. He'd done what he'd needed to do. He didn't think he would have been able to get through the first months of his separation form his master without sometimes sneaking in to feel the man's presence. Mentally squaring his shoulders, he walked in.

The front room was just as spotless as Obi-Wan had left it. Anakin came in once a month to dust, and he'd cleaned everything just before being assigned as Reeft's padawan. No one told him to dust, and he was somehow positive that he wasn't supposed to be there without someone knowing, but when doing the chores Obi-Wan had taken up once a week when they were at Temple long enough to do more than sleep and get ready for the next mission, he could play at a little game he'd invented. He didn't call it a game, even in his own mind, because sixteen-year old padawans weren't supposed to play games about housework, but it was a game. He pretended that Obi-Wan was an important member of the Council and had been called out to settle some dispute not even Yoda could help. And Anakin, back in their quarters, was getting things made up and nice-looking so that Obi-Wan wouldn't have to do anything when he came back but take Anakin to bed and thank him- in the most satisfying way possible- for all the younger man had done. In these fantasies, Obi-Wan lay, legs spread, on the neatly-made bed, and called Anakin to him. Anakin would lie on top of his master, slip inside him and just be… just be complete. Of course, he only ever got to the cleaning part of the fantasy while in his master's quarters, but he'd finish the rest in the room he'd been given until Obi-Wan came home. And if he closed his eyes tight enough and concentrated, he could hear Obi-Wan's voice in his mind, see Obi-Wan's loving smile and glowing-red hair, and feel Obi-Wan's hands on him.

"Someone cleans in here," Reeft murmured, running his finger over a bookshelf and only coming away with a bit of dust. "I wonder who that might be?" But he was smiling at Anakin, and didn't look the least bit reproachful. "So, where's this item you want to use?"

Anakin blushed, but started at once for the first room at the beginning of the hall. He went in, hitting the lights, though he didn't need them. Going down on one knee beside Obi-Wan's nightstand, he opened the top drawer and took out the holo that was kept there. Hesitating with it in his hands, he braced himself and rose, turning to face Reeft. The confession he'd thought about making earlier- that he came in here sometimes- was nothing compared to this confession, and he hoped only that Obi-Wan didn't mind. Reaching back, stalling, he closed the drawer, then held out the holo. No use hiding it. Reeft would see it eventually.

Reeft took the holo, gazed at it in silence for a moment, then handed it back. "Are you on Ragoon 6?"

Anakin nodded, his eyes going to his master's face. Obi-Wan still had short hair, though it was a great deal longer than when Qui-Gon had cut his padawan braid. And in his arms was little Annie, fast asleep. Qui-Gon had taken the picture, and though Anakin looked like the boy he'd still been at the time, it was easy for him to imagine being sixteen in the picture instead and standing with Obi-Wan. It was easy, in short, to pretend that Annie was their little girl, and that he and Obi-Wan were lovers.

"Who's the little girl?"

Anakin had to clear his throat before he could speak. "She was born Annie Jinn-Kenobi."

Reeft frowned. "And she is now…?"

"Annie Jenn." Anakin swallowed. "She's seven. I don't see her often, but- but she looks more like Obi-Wan every time I do. I don't know how he's going to keep it a secret forever."

"Does she look anything like Qui-Gon?"

Anakin shook his head. "She's not Qui-Gon's. ber'Nac raped Obi-Wan. She's his." His jaw clenched. "Not that we would have ever let ber'Nac take her."

"Easy, young one," Reeft murmured, but he'd taken the picture back and was gazing at it once more. "Annie Jenn." He closed his eyes, and from him Anakin felt a wave of uneasiness.

"What is it?"

Reeft shook his head. "Are you tired of my hidden talents? Sometimes when I see a picture of someone, I can get a general idea of how they felt at that moment. Yet another trait you wouldn't expect a Jedi to have, probably. Here it's… it's as if Obi-Wan felt uneasy."

"There were always malia hunting us. They followed Annie's… poop."

"No, that's not it. See how he's holding Annie? Look at his hands. He isn't holding her as close as he could be, as he might want to be, under normal circumstances. It's as if she makes him uneasy. Or maybe cautious is a better word."

Anakin wondered if he should tell Reeft what Obi-Wan had been told by the Dark Force about his daughter, but decided there were just some things the man didn't need to know.

Reeft seemed to feel Anakin close him out. He handed the holo back and rubbed his hands together briskly. "Well, let's get back. Obi-Wan won't be contacted for our just standing here." He started for the door, and Anakin let him step out into the hall before he spoke.

"Master Reeft?"

The master turned back. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I just don't think it's something Obi-Wan would want discussed."

"Did he tell Yoda about it?"

Anakin nodded, wondering where this was going. Would Reeft pressure Yoda, if such a thing were possible?

"Then that's enough for me. Obi-Wan doesn't need me prying into all of his personal affairs." He walked away, and Anakin, much relieved, and embarrassed that he'd thought less of the older Jedi, followed.

Three minutes later, they had resettled themselves on the floor in Reeft's quarters. Reeft had Anakin set the holo on the floor where the padawan could easily see it. "Focus on it," Reeft murmured. "The only thing in the world is Obi-Wan. Each movement you make is an extension of how you feel for him."

"Exactly how I feel?" Anakin blushed.

"Yes. No other way to do this." Reeft paused, and Anakin sensed him reaching out to the Force.

The padawan followed, and he felt that sense of reach again almost at once. It was nothing he'd made, and yet he followed it, wishing he could do it himself.

Think only of Obi-Wan. If he were here, in this room, what would you do?

Hold him. Not let him go. Ever. Keep him in my arms and tell him ho much I missed him, how much I needed him here, and that I never want him to go away again.

Keep going. More reaching, and now Anakin sensed that they were beyond the Temple, beyond Coruscant.

How can this-?

The reaching stopped, and they were back just in each other's minds. Think only of Obi-Wan. Don't ask. Just think of him. Only him.

Anakin refocused his eyes on the picture, and at once Obi-Wan's voice filled his ears and he longed to have Obi-Wan where he could touch him, see him, know that he was all right. Obi. Obi. Come home.

Twenty minutes later, still reaching again, Anakin following in Reeft's wake. He felt something, a tickle, at the back of his mind, but he ignored it. And when it grew, pushing at the feeling of reach, making it grow, he ignored it still, thinking only of his master. Obi-Wan, come home. I miss you. I need you.

A ripple in the Force, and Anakin swore he could smell damp things and mold. He discounted it and called again: Obi? Obi, can you hear me?

A sound. Was that a sound? Anakin reached now on his own, dimly aware that he was carrying Reeft along for the ride and not begrudging it. Please, if you hear me…

Anakin. Shock passed down the link as if Obi-Wan was sitting only in the next room. Padawan mine, is that you? Where are you? Don't tell me you're here.

No, Master, I'm- He was so excited, he could feel the connection slipping.

Calm your mind, two masters said in perfect stereo.

Anakin chuckled.

Reeft? Where are you? And why are you and Anakin-?

We're on Coruscant, Reeft answered. Remember how Master Yaddle taught me to talk over long distances?

'To the Force, all distance is the same: that between one thought and the next.' Yes, I remember. I never imagined you would be teaching it to my padawan. Not that I'm not overjoyed. Anakin?

Yes? The padawan bit his lip. He knew he was crying, and prayed only that Obi-Wan wouldn't sense it. He didn't want to hurt his master. Obi-Wan had surely been through enough already.

How are you?

Anakin bit his lip harder, thinking he might make it bleed. He wanted to sound calm, grown up, mature. I want you back. His mental voice broke and he didn't think he'd be able to hide his tears much longer.Maybe he should have never agreed to this.

Oh, padawan mine… Obi-Wan wrapped himself around Anakin, holding him close. Anakin even imagined he felt a kiss on his forehead. I'll be back soon. The Light Force told me earlier today that I'm going to be leaving here inside six months. It could be much sooner. His embrace tightened, and this time Anakin was sure he felt the brush of lips on his forehead. I wish I could give more comfort than that. Know this: my thoughts are always with you, and the minute I am able, I will be on my way back to Temple. You're going to be the first person I speak to, the first one I hold.

Anakin thought to ask what Obi-Wan would do if Qui-Gon was also there waiting, but he was afraid of the answer, and he thought it was selfish to put pressure on his master, so he tried to be comforted. I miss you, Obi. But I'll be all right. He swallowed. I haven't been the best student, but I promise I'll get better. Master Reeft said he's going to help me. My… my anger is getting better. I'm getting better at letting it go. But my… my belief in the Force isn't really strong. He laughed weakly and a few more tears escaped. But this must be the Force, because there's no other we could be talking. It's not the Force's existence I question, just its ability to be everywhere and know everything.

That you'll learn the more times It saves you from disaster. I'm not worried about you learning that, padawan mine. Another kiss. I miss you, too. Do your lessons, if only for this reason: they'll keep you busy and keep you from thinking about me. In short, they'll make time go faster.

Anakin sensed Obi-Wan's smile, and he held onto his master. Obi?

Yes, young one?

Not so young. I'm sixteen.

Yes, that's true. I haven't forgotten. Unfortunately, the only gifts I have for you just now are rocks or mud. But you're still young, if only for this reason: Yoda calls me 'young Master Kenobi' all the time, and you're younger than I am.

I love you. I want you back here right now- he stopped, got a hold on his emotions, did his best to release them, mostly succeeding- but I'll manage. He sensed another ripple in the Force, this one pushing at their bond. What's wrong?

It's not you, Anakin. I'm exhausted. I haven't gotten more than twelve hours' sleep in the last ten days or so.

Why? Are you all right? The ripple again. Obi, don't go!

The Force asked me to meditate on a particular problem of mine.

I think you're perfect. Tell the Force to let you get some sleep!

Obi-Wan chuckled. I've made some progress, and now the Force is telling me I'm supposed to sleep. A pause, and Anakin sensed how truly done-in Obi-Wan was. Contact me any time. But do it this way. I think there's something trying to find me. I've felt it pass through the Force more than once.

Anakin decided not to tell him about the danger at the Temple, or that it had been hunting for Anakin personally. I love you, Obi. Sleep. He didn't want to let his master go, and he suffered a stab of sadness, which he wasn't able to conceal.

I'm always with you, Anakin. My thoughts are with you, and I ask the Force to look after you always. I'm sending you a guardian when I can't be there in the flesh. The Force will guard you in my stead until I return. The last ripple, and Obi-Wan's voice started to fade. May the Force be with you, padawan mine. Contact me any time. I'll be here.

Be safe, Master.

You, too. Do your studies, exercise, and listen to Reeft. Something tells me he's a good master. And be mindful of the Force. If something is looking for me, it might come to Temple. Be on your guard. Reach out always. He was gone.

Anakin felt the connection collapse in on itself, and he was back in Reeft's quarters. At first, he couldn't move, but then he became aware that Reeft had pressed a bit of cloth into his hand, and this he used to wipe his tears. His hands were shaking and he forced them to stop. When he thought he'd ridded himself of most of the signs of his sorrow, he lowered the cloth and met Reeft's eyes. He was expecting to see sympathy, and he wasn't sure he could handle that just now. But all he saw was concern.

"The Dark Force is hunting Obi-Wan?" Reeft rose to his feet. "We should tell Yoda." He glanced out the window, murmured, "Not long until dawn," then turned back to Anakin. "Do you want to meditate first before we go?"

Anakin considered that. He didn't want to meditate, but he did want to be alone. "Can I be by myself for a few minutes?"

Reeft nodded, started for the small hallway. "I'm going to take the time to calm myself." He smiled. "Even as a master, I forget that." Shaking his head, he disappeared into his room.

Anakin closed his eyes, bowed his head, and took the holo in his hands. Obi. That was the only thought he could manage. His tears started and he allowed them to fall, streaming down his cheeks.

oOo

"She's amazing, isn't she?" Darth Calus watched the youngling twirl and spin a Force-toy. He'd received the recording only an hour ago, and his eyes were drawn again and again to the child he saw. She reminded him of someone, but he couldn't quite place the resemblance. All that red hair, bound up in a braid… her hair would be cut soon; all yioungling girls had their hair cut when they turned nine. But for now, her hair glowed like a sunset.

Or like flames. Calus nodded to himself. Yes. Much better. Especially considering what she is meant to achieve. He laughed at his master's trick and wondered when the truth would be revealed to the Jedi. He knew little, but this much was clear: she was the child of a powerful Jedi, and when it was revealed who her othe parent really was… The Sith apprentice laughed. It didn't really matter to him who the girl's Jedi parent was, as long as it was someone close to Yoda, close to the heart of things, a person who would be shaken by the truth.

For a moment, he wished the parent was Qui-Gon- that old wound still stung and gave fuel to his rage- but then let it go. Of course she wasn't Qui-Gon's. Qui-Gon could have never been raped, could he? No. She wasn't Qui-Gon's.

Watching her graceful movements again, he was reminded of something long buried… a feeling, warmth, lust, but more than that… And pain, pain as the feeling was taken away, ripped form him and buried 'for later,' his master said. 'When you're ready,' his master said. 'Right now, the pain is too new.'

But what was the Dark Force, if not power over pain, the power to take that pain and turn it into fury? So being asked to let pain go- not all pain, but this very specific one- that didn't make sense. He'd accepted it at the time; he'd needed to accept it. Without acceptance, he would have been open to all the horrors and unfulfilled dreams of his Jedi life.

Yet now that he was strong in the Dark Force, not that it coursed through him like his own blood, shouldn't he be allowed to know this pain that remained hidden from him? And if he wasn't allowed to know, why wasn't he allowed? What more did he need to do to earn the right to have his own memories back?

Calus sneered. Yes, Master, when do I earn a right that should be mine already, something you should have never taken away from me? If I came and asked you, would you hold it just out of my reach? Even if you didn't, surely you would make me ask a hundred times, and then do something for you. I've done enough, but you don't know that. You don't know everything I've done in the name of the Dark, in your name, oh exalted, cowardly master.

His master hid among the Jedi, right on their homeworld. Brave, some might call that, but Calus- Xanatos- knew it for what it was: the Jedi would look most carefully furthest from their home. Close in, they barely observed anything. Hadn't he been one of them long enough to know that much? So Sidious's living right next door was nothing miraculous or deserving of high honor, like Dooku thought it. True, neither he or Dooku knew exactly where Lord Sidious was hiding on Coruscant, but they knew it was in the same hemisphere and parallel as the Jedi Temple, and that counted as right under Yoda's nose, where the querulous old fool would never think to look.

He had a desire, as he hadn't had in years, to confront Sidious and kill him. Then he could be master. True, he wouldn't have Sidious to lift the block on his memory, but surely if he became powerful enough to kill the Sith Lord, he would be powerful enough to find out what had been denied him.

I could, he thought. Very soon now, I could. All I need do is wait until he is off-guard, then destroy him. But as always happened when this thought came to him, he dimissed it, partly because he was afraid of Sidious- deep down- but mostly because he wanted that memory back. He wanted to know who Annie Jenn reminded him of, and he wanted to know what that person had been to him. Not Qui-Gon, obviously- he remembered his ex-master too well. But someone closely associated with Qui-Gon… He reached, reached, feeling it dance just a little too far away. Then it was gone, and he cursed.

Damn you, he thought at Sidious, not letting his shields down even an inch. Someday, I'll make you give me that memory, and when I have it, nothing will stop me from killing you.

He turned his eyes back to the girl, wondering how the Council member had managed to take the recording of her, and what the perverted Jedi Master had thought when he was doing it. Did he think that I'm like him, except my taste runs to small girls instead of young men?

There it was again; the connection to his lost memory. Adee Larn tried to rape someone I know. But who was it? Who? And what does he matter to me?

Adee wasn't done making advances. He had been sent on a special mission from Sidious, a mission to kill the master of the Chosen One, or to turn that man to the Dark Side, if possible. Xanatos didn't care which, except that the man might try to take his place, just as Adee might. But that was all right; he wasn't going to give up his place to anyone. They could just become his dogs. He didn't miss ber'Nac, but he missed lording it over someone, and Adee would be good for that. Maybe I'll get to torment the one Adee is bringing. I hope he's known to Qui-Gon, a good friend of Qui-Gon's, one that, if I tortured him, it would hurt Qui-Gon to see. Thinking of that, distracted from the little girl for a moment, Xanatos turned form the screen, clicking it off. He would forward the picture to his master soon enough, but for now, he was just glad his hatred of Qui-Gon was still going strong. It was one thing he would always be able to count on.

oOo

Yoda didn't want Anakin and Reeft to contact Obi-Wan again, though he was glad to hear what Anakin had accomplished. (Reeft downplayed his own part in Anakin's success, but Anakin guessed Yoda knew all about it.)

At first, hearing this, Anakin couldn't help but argue. He tried to be respectful. "Master Yoda, I miss my master. What's the harm in my talking to him through the Force?"

"No harm there would be if seeking you and your master the Dark Force was not. But lurking near here it is, and passed over him it has." Yoda frowned. "Learned the identity of the Dark Force user we have not."

"Is that because the Dark Force is gaining strength?"

Yoda grunted. "Observant you are, young padawan. True that is. Pushing I back we are, but strong it still is." His frown deepened. "Some time alone I need. As soon as safer it is, let you talk to Obi-Wan I will. Until then, refrain from reaching over long distances you should."

"Yes, Master," Anakin said, and after he and Reeft had bowed, they left the room. They walked back towards Reeft's quarters in silence.

But once inside, Reeft turned to Anakin. "I'm sure it's safer for everyone this way, but I want to talk to Obi-Wan, too. It seems unfair that he has to stay away from the Temple and everyone who cares about him."

Anakin felt a sudden need to throw himself into Reeft's arms and have the master hold him. He resisted, reminding himself that he was too old for that sort of thing, and even if he wasn't, this man wasn't Obi-Wan and probably wasn't used to having people hug him. I mean, come on. He had Ferus for an apprentice. And much as I like Ferus, he can be kind of stiff. Knowing that, he said, "He'll be home soon. Six months, he said. We can make it long that long, and so can he."

Reeft nodded. "True, young one. You live on hope, I think."

Yeah, hope that'll never be fulfilled. He resisted the urge to shudder. Obi-Wan will come back, and I can hold out until then. But as far as my other dreams go… All Siths will turn to the Light Side before that happens.

"Do you want to sleep here, or back in your quarters?"

Anakin blinked. He hadn't though Reeft really meant it, that he might get to be alone in his quarters. "But what about the Dark Force user?"

Reeft sighed. "Well, I guess I could sleep on the couch in Obi-Wan's quarters for a few nights if you want to sleep in your room."

"You'd do that just because I miss him?"

"You love him, remember? And you miss him. And you won't get to talk to him for a while. Way I see it, my sleeping on his couch as long as you need isn't that much of a hardship."

Anakin wanted to be grateful, but, on the other hand, if Reeft slept in the same quarters with him, there was no way the padawan would be able to sneak into Obi-Wan's room and sleep there. He had a feeling there was only so far that Reeft's acceptance would carry. And remember what he said; he doesn't think most Jedi should be allowed to love. And my love can't be good, at least not in his eyes, because Obi-Wan won't return it. Definitely not acceptable love.

So, if he couldn't sleep in Obi-Wan's bed, what was the use of sleeping in his master's quarters? No use at all. "It's all right. I'll sleep here. I'll just have to get my things." Just then, though, with the thought of being without Obi-Wan for more than a day chewing at him, he knew he needed to be alone. "I'll just sleep first. I'm really tired."

"Reaching out to the Force all night will do that." Reeft gestured to the couch. "The bed in the other bedroom isn't made up, but you can take the couch. I'll bring you some blankets."

Anakin nodded. "Thank you." It wasn't the privacy he wanted, but he told himself he would have to make do. Obi-Wan would have expected him to let go of his own need for comfort and accept what must be.

He waited until Reeft had returned with the blankets and then disappeared into his room. He was exposed here, without even the privilege of locking a door between himself and any prying eyes. Anakin knew he shouldn't cry, and that he shouldn't try to reach out to Obi-Wan, either, but a terrible thought had occurred to him as he sat on the couch. What if Obi-Wan didn't understand why his padawan didn't contact him again? He couldn't let Obi-Wan worry.

He left the quarters he shared with Reeft. The hallways were brightly lit; it was morning for everyone else, after all. And knowing that it was morning, Anakin was afraid that he'd be caught out alone by some well-meaning but rule-focused master. For this reason, he didn't duck into Obi-Wan's quarters, but made his way to the room where he and Yoda had contacted Obi-Wan that first time. He went quickly without seeming to hurry, and used his sense of the Force to make sure that he traveled deserted hallways.

He reached the room safely and locked the door behind him. No Jedi locked their doors, but the doors did have locks in case of attack. Anakin thought, I locked the door. That means what I'm doing I don't want anyone else to know about. I'm being deceitful. Not a quality any Jedi should have, and it was only slight comfort to Anakin that he was doing wrong in order to warn his master. He almost turned around and left the room. No. I've gotten this far. And if I don't say anything to him, I'm going to worry myself sick. Forget connecting to the Force or meditating on anything or even getting my grades up; I won't be able to concentrate. Yes, and though he knew these were all excuses, Anakin accepted them. But first, he unlocked the door. Let someone come in and find me. I'd rather get in trouble for what I'm really doing than because I was trying to hide my actions from others. It was much better to get into trouble for trying to do something the wrong way than for keeping secrets. Anakin remembered the stories Obi-Wan had told him, about when his master was younger and got into trouble for trying to do the right thing but not going about it in the right way. 'Compassion is always respected, even if the method isn't quite right. Dishonesty never is.'

Anakin knelt before the communications center, speaking the code. His heart was pounding, and he struggled to calm himself, not wanting Obi-Wan to sense his unease or guilt. His senses were on high alert. He wasn't sure if he would shut off the connection if he heard someone coming- he wanted to think he had more courage than that, courage enough to take his punishment- but at the same time, he was aware that the Temple's security had been increased for good reason, and that he was now just as much a target of the Dark Force as Obi-Wan.

The communicator buzzed to life, and Anakin almost jumped. His heartbeat doubled for a moment, then began to slow. "Yes?" The voice was tinny; Anakin could hear how poor the connection was. He figured it wasn't on his end, and wondered what had happened to make the signal from Degoba weak.

"Master Obi-Wan."

"Anakin?" A yawn. "You couldn't wait until I'd caught a little sleep?"

Anakin blushed. He'd forgotten, actually. He admitted as much, then said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you. It's just that…" He stopped. Did he want to explain what Yoda had said right away? This might be his last chance to talk with Obi-Wan for a while. "Has the Force come back to you yet?"

"In some ways."

Anakin could hear the frown in his master's voice, and wondered if Obi-Wan was suspicious. His master had ever known when he was hiding something. He tried a distraction. "I'm glad. I forgot to ask you that earlier, and-"

"And has the Force spoken with you, padawan mine? I'd guess you feel a little agitated, or is that just the static on my end?" A pause, and Anakin couldn't think of anything to say. Obi-Wan was trying to tease an honest answer out of him. "Care to talk about it?" his master asked. "I know we've both been separated for far too long, but I flatter myself to still think that you remember how I think, and that I'll remember how you are."

Anakin swallowed. "I've grown, Master, and changed."

"I'm glad to hear that." Obi-Wan managed to sound both amused and serious. "We have to grow every day, or what is life about? But most tendencies don't change. I've always been slightly reserved around those I don't know, and that hasn't changed." He chuckled. "Maybe I've become more aware of a shortcoming or two, but they were still always there."

"You're perfect."

"Hmmmm…. No. No, I'm not. If I was, the Force would have taken me long ago, because I wouldn't need the chance to grow. Do you want to hear the shortcoming I found? I hate to say it, but you share it, too. So does Qui-Gon. Like attracts like, and as different as Qui-Gon and I seem, we share one major character flaw."

"I do too?"

"Yes, Padawan."

"What is it?" He knew that Qui-Gon could often get angry, and he of course suffered from that himself, but Obi-Wan didn't suffer so. He couldn't think what else they had in common. Where he and Qui-Gon were emotion-driven much of the time, Obi-Wan was driven by logic.

"Arrogance. Each of us is sure that his way is the only way. I've lived through many mistakes that were my fault because I was sure everything had to come out just as I wished it." He paused, yawned. "We'll discuss our mutual failings in a moment. First, what's wrong?"

Yes, Obi-Wan hadn't changed much, but Anakin knew he'd changed. He hadn't been in love when Obi-Wan left, and that made all the difference. Sometimes he was hardly able to focus for the love that drove him. Knowing all this to be true, he decided now wasn't the best time to admit his feelings. That could wait until Obi-Wan returned from Degoba. "Master Yoda thinks we shouldn't talk, either this way or through the Force. There was… an attack… here at Temple. A Dark Force user was looking for me specifically. And since the Dark Force is still hunting you, he thought it best if we didn't alk often. I agree sort of, but I wanted you to know, so you wouldn't wonder why I didn't contact you." He waited, afraid Obi-Wan would blame him for stalling and withholding such news. He would rather almost anything than have Obi-Wan angry at him.

"Ah. That makes sense, much as I want to continue talking to you." Obi-Wan sighed. "I guess we'll have to go back to the silence we had before. I'm sorry, Anakin. This makes me only want to return that much sooner. I'll do my best to speed things up on this end." A soft snort. "Though of course the Force doesn't appreciate being pushed to work faster. And how are you, Anakin? How are you really? I'd guess this attack happened before you and I spoke two hours ago."

Anakin flushed. "Yes, Master. It happened two weeks ago, before Master Reeft and I went on a mission. I didn't mention it because I thought you had enough to worry about."

"You are still my concern, Anakin. I will always try to do all I can to protect you. This sabbatical notwithstanding, you are always in my heart and in my thoughts and I would rather be at your side than anywhere else."

Behind the restrained words, Anakin sensed how much he'd hurt Obi-Wan. But before he could try to apologize, the older man went on:

"I'm perfectly aware, young one, that you want to protect me. And I am grateful for that. But…" He sighed. "Let me start again. My frustration at being separated from you, and still being without the Force for the most part, is getting the better of me." A pause, and when Obi-Wan spoke again, his voice was calmer. "Forgive me. Perhaps it's my arrogance acting out again. I want to be home, and that can't happen soon enough. But if I want to get home, I need to devote everything to the Force." He coughed. "And I am showing my arrogance again, as well as my anxiety and worry about you. To that end, how are you? Honestly?"

At first, Anakin had been tempted to anger by the tense tone his master gave him, but when Obi-Wan explained himself, all was forgiven and forgotten. "I want you home," he said, but that wasn't enough. He wondered if he should confess his love, and still wasn't sure if it would be best to do that over the link. "I hate it that you're not here. I don't hate you, and even if I don't like that the Force is keeping you away, I can make peace with it for now. But I need you here." Again, tears were pressing, and Anakin didn't bother to keep them from his voice. He was rapidly getting sick of playing the strong Jedi. "Obi, I-" love you. I love you. I need you to understand what I mean when I say it. "Just please come home as soon as you can." That wasn't enough, and he added, wishing Obi-Wan could just read his mind, "Because if you don't, I'm going to have to come find you. I can't stand being without you. I know it's not Jedi-like, and that I should be relying on the Force, but, like I said, I'm not depending on the Force like I should be. I need you to show me the way." He sniffed. "Don't give up on me. Please."

"Who said anything about giving up on you?"

Anakin wiped at his tears. "No one. But I know what I'm lacking. I know I'm not the perfect Jedi, or even headed the right way to become one."

"We all find our own path to the serenity that is living within the Force and I wouldn't want you to come to that peace the way I did, the way any other padawan is, or even the way Yoda did. You must find your own path. Stop judging yourself against others and judge yourself against yourself, because that's the only true measure of accomplishment." He laughed. "And if you can't take that from me, who came to the Jedi by quite a roundabout way, who can you believe?" He was quiet for a moment, then said, "We shouldn't make this too much longer. So let me ask you: until the Force shows you how to gain trust and belief, how will you improve other areas of your life?"

In spite of his secret still being a secret, Anakin found himself smiling, and yet longing even more desperately for Obi-Wan to be home. In the back of his mind, he knew that if he ever truly lost Obi-Wan, he would probably lose himself. "I'll study more. I'll keep releasing my anger."

"Add to that releasing your worry for me, and the fact that you miss me. The Force will take those things, as well. You'll have to spend a lot of time letting go of those, but it will start to work after a while. Do you remember when I told you the same thing about anger and frustration?"

Anakin nodded, forgetting for a moment that Obi-Wan couldn't see him. "Yes," he said at last. And then, needing to tease his master, he said, "Do as you teach, Master. Are you trying to release your worry for me and the fact that you miss me?"

Obi-Wan's chuckle was everything he'd hoped for. "Yes. I'm not saying it's all gone- Force knows it isn't- but I've stopped-" He coughed. "Never mind. You don't need-"

"If I have to tell you everything, will you tell me? We're partners, remember?" rying to keep his tone light.

"Very well. When I first arrived here and I was feeling so lost and afraid without the Force, I had nightmares about losing you or never seeing you again."

Anakin blinked. True, Obi-Wan used to admitted such things quickly, but Anakin had thought maybe that was one thing about his master that would change. He was glad to see that Obi-Wan was just as open as ever. "I had nightmares about you getting hurt," he whispered. "I still do."

"Then if you expect to get a string of good-nights'-sleep, I suggest you give your worry and the rest over to the Force, just like your anger. It will help. I promise it will. And now, Padawan mine, I should let you go. Much as I'd like to talk for the rest of my time here, we'd better start obeying Master Yoda. He's right; this isn't quite safe. For either of us. Wait."

Anakin bit his lip. When he was younger and Obi-Wan caught him sneaking out of their quarters in the middle of the night, he'd sounded just this way. "Yes, Master?"

"Who are you with? Or are you making this call without anyone knowing?"

"Uh… the second one."

To his surprise, all Obi-Wan said was, "Let's terminate this then, and you get back to your quarters. I want to know you're safe. And if Reeft wakes up to find you gone, you're going to be in some pretty deep trouble."

"Master Reeft doesn't strike me as a master that would yell a lot."

"Oh, he won't. But Master Yaddle taught him the best ways to punish a padawan." Obi-Wan laughed outright. "I'd get going if I were you. Keep your eyes open, and I'll do the same. Take care. Remember: the minute I can get off this forsaken rock, I'll be headed home."

"I love you, Obi." Just then, it was more important that he spoke the words than Obi-Wan know what they really meant.

"I love you, too. May the Force be with you. And may you grow to feel it."

"Be careful."

"Always. You too."

"May the Force be with you."

"Be at peace, Anakin. I'll be home soon. Good-bye."

"Good-bye." Anakin sensed Obi-Wan was waiting for him to break the connection this time, asking, silently, for Anakin to take an adult step. He swallowed. "Bye, Obi." He closed the transmission. With that done, he became aware of the sunlight pouring through the nearby window and hoped only that he hadn't been gone too long. Hopefully, Reeft was a heavy sleeper. Doubtful, that; most Jedi, because of their connection to the Force, woke with any disturbance. Still, there was hope. Casting one las glance at the communications center as if he could see Obi-Wan settling in for a well-deserved day of sleep, he headed out.

The door opened, and he ran into the tall Jedi standing just outside, too obviously waiting for him. Anakin jumped back, resisting the urge to duck back inside and lock the door. Instead, he squared his shoulders and gazed up at Master Adee. He longed for his growth spurt at times like this, just like he longed for his voice to finally change. All the other sixteen-year old boys he knew had been given deep, resonant voices. Why did he have to be the one to change late?

"Where's your master, Padawan?"

"In our quarters, Master."

"And why aren't you there? Don't you know there's an alert in effect? It's not safe for any Jedi to go roaming around alone, but especially not you, Chosen One." He turned away from Anakin, gesturing. "Follow me. I'll get you back safely."

Relieved, and surprised that he hadn't been treated to a lecture, Anakin fell into step slightly behind Adee.

"Walk next to me. I'm not done with you, and I'd like to see your face."

The padawan hesitated, then did as he was told. More than once, Obi-Wan had told him to listen to his instincts even when he was still developing his connection to the Force. Just now, his instincts were telling him to keep his distance from Adee Larn. But he wasn't sure why, and that made him feel even more uneasy.

"You weren't by any chance hiding from your master, were you?"

Anakin shook his head.

"So what were you doing?"

He didn't want to admit that he'd been talking to Obi-Wan, and only part of that was a desire for self-preservation. He didn't want to say Obi-Wan's name in front of Adee. His instincts told him of a hunger that lived within the master beside him, and though Anakin told himself he was being foolish, the feeling refused to go away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Huh. So I might assume you were dreaming about your pretty master- your missing master- and enjoying the pleasures of your hand?"

Anakin's jaw dropped, and he stopped walking. His hand had fallen to the handle of his lightsaber, and when Adee turned to face him, he took a step back.

"Struck a nerve, did I? I meant nothing by it, Padawan. You must acknowledge that Obi-Wan is attractive. If he wasn't, I don't care how much the Dark Force prodded: no one would want to bed him. And if you notice such things as the curve of his cheek and the light in his eyes, you can't be penalized. Obi-Wan is attractive, and you're only human. A little human boy who can't help what he feels." He chuckled when Anakin took another step back. "Take it from me, though; when you imagine lying with him, pretend you're on top. Something tells me Obi-Wan couldn't take anyone."

The lightsaber came to life in Anakin's hand. "Shut up about Obi-Wan."

Adee's tail twitched. "Are you going to attack a member of the Jedi Council, Padawan? Obi-Wan would be so disappointed…"

Anakin took a step. "I mean it. Don't even say his name. You aren't good enough to say his name." His anger was high, but he was in tune with his emotions enough to know that he was also afraid. Not for himself, but for Obi-Wan. Something in Adee's eyes was too knowing. Anakin knew Obi-Wan hadn't been raped by the Master- Yoda would have sensed it, surely- but that didn't mean Adee hadn't been watching Obi-Wan. And just now, Anakin couldn't even stand the thought of that. He knew he would at once report it to Yoda, and take the consequences of being out of his quarters without permission.

With that thought, he lowered his blade, though he didn't switch it off yet. Adee was a threat, even if he was a master. Obi-Wan's stories about being touched by other Jedi had rubbed off on his padawan, and Anakin was hesitant to trust anyone, Jedi or no.

Adee's smile was unpleasant. "Don't indulge so much in the Dark Side, Anakin. It's not Jedi-like." He turned and started away, calling over his shoulder, "And if you tell any of this to Yoda, you won't be believed. He will simply search my mind and find me the serene Jedi I have always been."

In his mind, Anakin leapt forward, reaching for Adee's thoughts, wanting to catch the master thinking something that tell Anakin why Adee was able to hide himself from even Yoda. Instead, he hit a blank space, and retreated.

Adee continued on his way, but Anakin stood stock still, his eyes wide. He'd felt nothing when he tried to touch Adee's mind, which indicated not that Adee had no mind, but that, as far as the Force was concerned, he wasn't there at all, not in thoughts, not physically. Everything around where Adee should have been circled around the empty place, like the Light Force swirled about all objects, but Adee simply wasn't there as far as the Force was concerned.

Shocked and afraid, Anakin retreated to his quarters, making sure to lock the door behind him. He stood, facing the door, while he tried to compose himself. It wouldn't do for Reeft to feel how uneasy he was. Surely his nervousness would wake the master if he didn't get it under control.

"And where exactly have you been?"