Hokuto

Tyson, Akira, Masashi and Shizuka all appeared as I came down the stairs. Almost immediately, Shizuka's eyes widened and she stared, awestruck.

"Hokuto-san, you look pretty." She breathed out. I couldn't help but laugh as I went to put my shoes on.

"Thanks, Shizuka-Chan." I grinned.

"Yeah, have to agree with her, you don't scrub up too badly." Masashi teased.

"Shut up." I stuck my tongue out at him before turning away to bend down and adjust my shoes. And, now it's time. There was a part of me that wanted to delay, to put this off. But at the same time, I'd never wanted to get there faster. And both of these feelings were because of Rei.

"So, are you sure you don't need to be dropped off or picked up? It's not any trouble, seriously." Akira asked.

"No, no." I straightened and shook my head. "Really, it's fine. If I do need picking up though, I'll call."

"Then, I'll keep an eye on my phone."

"Wait, what about when she comes back?" Tyson asked suddenly, before looking at me. "You don't have a way to get in."

Ah. Yes, indeed. How I hadn't thought of that before, I had no idea. Clearly, Akira was just as stumped, and there were a few moments of silence as we all considered this.

"It's okay. I'll wait up."

We all turned to look at Wakana, sitting at the top of the stairs with Chieko and Noriko. She smiled softly.

"I'll probably be awake anyway, just send a message to me and I'll open the door."

"No, on the group chat. Then it's guaranteed one of us will see it, and we'll be waiting to let you in." Akira corrected.

"Wouldn't a spare key be better?" Noriko wondered.

"Nah, this way is fine with me-if it's fine with you." I looked at Wakana and Akira as I said this, and Wakana sighed before fixing me with another wistful smile.

"As I said, I'll probably be awake anyway, so it's fine."

"Cool. Well, I'd better get going, hadn't I?" I said, adjusting the strap of my handbag and moving to the door. Akira came to unlock it for me.

"Enjoy yourself, Ho-Chi." Chieko called down.

"And take care." Wakana added.

"Will do!" I responded cheerily to both of them, and waved before I stepped out and closed the door behind me, leaving it for Akira to lock again. I hesitated for a moment, standing on the doorstep, but then I shook it off, and started to walk.

…

Chieko

Once Hokuto had left, we went down the stairs to join the others.

"Sooooooo…..what now? Dinner?" Noriko asked.

"Why are you always asking about fu-freaking food?" Masashi asked.

"Well, to be fair, Ho-Chi has just left for dinner." Wakana shrugged. I nodded.

"That's a good point. Shizuka, are you hungry?"

Shizuka frowned up at me, and considered the question carefully.

"I don't know, Mummy. I don't think so." She eventually answered, making me chuckle a little.

"How about getting something to eat outside? Nanto's doing so, after all, we may as well do something a little different too." Tyson suggested.

"We can't go out, what if we run late and Hokuto-Chan comes back?" Wakana objected.

"Takeaway, then." Akira said decisively. We considered this for a moment, then we all nodded.

"Duh, that makes sense."

"I'll go then. What should we get? Anyone got any preferences?"

"As long as it isn't too far and too inconvenient or anything, then I don't really mind." Wakana said. "You guys?"

"Psh, yeah, what she said." Masashi said, making a flippant hand gesture.

"Yeah, surprise us." Noriko grinned.

"Alright then." Akira frowned, and then his face cleared. "I'll just get my wallet then."

"Do you want someone to come with you?" Wakana asked as he started to climb up the stairs. Akira turned and paused, looking back at us.

"Well…." Akira tilted his head slightly, and seemed to think about it.

"Mummy, can I go?"

"Huh?" surprised, I stared down at Shizuka. "Why?"

Shizuka shrugged at that.

"I don't know, I'm bored. We've been inside all day, you know."

"Ah…" I looked down at my clothes. Nothing inappropriate about them, per se, but they were rumpled and not necessarily presentable. If Shizuka were to go with Akira, then I'd have to change, and I didn't really feel like it.

"It's fine, you don't need to come along as well, if you'd prefer to stay home, Akamine-san. I'll be fine with Shizuka by myself"

I stared at Akira.

"No, there's no need…"

"It's fine, really. It wouldn't be any trouble. "

There was silence then, as we all waited. Not even Shizuka asked what was going on, as we stared at each other.

I wasn't sure what made me look up at the sound, but I looked up anyway. Akira was walking towards me, slowly and carefully, coming to a stop a few steps in front of me. Then, he just stood there, and stared at me, though it seemed like he was looking through me.

"What do you want, Kazama-san?" Kanekatsu asked. I glanced at her. She'd been around me all day-I'd gone to her room for tea, then I'd been escorted back to my room to sleep, and then time had passed blurrily until I was here, for dinner, and she was back to sitting at my table with Wakana and myself. It was Koutarou's seat that she was sitting in, but the protest at that had felt to heavy in my mouth, so I'd let it fall away.

"Kazama-Chan, I…..are you alright? I mean, under the circumstances, do you need to talk or?" Wakana started to get up, but Akira gave her a swift shake of the head, and then he knelt down, so that we were making eye contact.

"I'm sorry, Akamine-san."

"F-for what?" the words felt like paper balled up in my throat.

"Everything. That I blamed you, when it wasn't your fault. That I forgot that you've just lost something-someone-important too. That…that this even had to happen."

"Ah….."

"I'm sorry." Akira reiterated. He waited, and so did I. He for my response, me to actually be able to make it. But what could I say? It was not okay, after all, was it? It would be a lie to say that.

"I…know." I managed to squeeze out. Akira closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded and opened them again, before getting up. He looked at me, though with what emotion I couldn't tell, before walking back to Daisuke and Masashi, who-I now realised-had been waiting in the background and watching our exchange.

I sighed, breaking the moment.

"Are you sure? Absolutely, 100% sure?" I checked. Akira pursed his lips, and looked at Shizuka, who stared back.

"I am. Anyway," he smiled a little. "The place I'm thinking of going is just around the corner."

"Well then….okay. Shizuka, you definitely want to go?"

"Yes!"

"Alright then. If you want to take your bag or Yosa with you, go up and get them quickly."

"Okay!"

As Akira went up to get his wallet and Shizuka bounded up behind him to grab whatever she was going to take with her, I watched them. And I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

…

Akira

Shizuka didn't say anything as we started to walk down the street, seemingly content to just stay by my side and look around her. I wasn't sure if I should ask her to hold my hand or not, and even less sure if she would actually comply, but I thought as long as I was careful, all would be fine. She didn't strike me as the type of child to be reckless outdoors.

"Have you been having fun here, Shizuka?" I asked after a little while. Shizuka looked up at me.

"Here?"

"At my house, with us." I clarified.

"Yeah! I like playing with Wakana-san and Masa-san, and the cat from your garden. "

There was a moment's beat, and then she added.

"You're nice, too."

"That's good to hear. What about what we've been doing? Are you….." I gave myself a moment to think of the right way to put it. "Happy with it?"

"You mean going to visit dead people? And giving everyone all those paintings?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Mummy explained it to me, you know, about the paintings and why we went everywhere to give them out." Shizuka nodded confidently. "She's letting me have the painting of Daddy. I'm going to put it in my room."

"That's…also good to hear."

"But I don't get how you're not all sad all the time."

"What do you mean-ah, careful, we're at a crossing."

Shizuka puffed her cheeks out in annoyance at this.

"Akira-san, I'm in first grade!" she complained.

"Ah, sorry about that." I apologised, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. "So what do you mean about us all not being sad all the time?"

"You know so many people who died. And it's sad when people die. So you should be really, really sad, right? I don't want you to be sad or anything, but…."

"Ah, well….erm."

Alright, that got heavy fast. I waited until we had actually crossed the road before I even tried to think of an answer. Is this the real test? On some level, I felt that Chieko was testing me with her trust by letting Shizuka come with me unaccompanied. Not necessarily for her safety-though I knew that was part of it, simply because she was a parent-but about this. How much I'd let the past come up.

Then again, that, too, was about safety, wasn't it? If I did ever end up having a child someday (something I didn't think would ever happen, and shouldn't ever happen), I wouldn't want them to know about what had happened to me. At least, not until they were older than Shizuka, and possibly even older than we all were when it happened to us. I knew it wasn't something that could be 100% hidden, but for as long as possible I'd want to protect any child of mine from it all. I supposed Chieko felt the same way. But she had more reason to want to keep things that way.

And I knew that if I had been in Chieko's exact position where all that was concerned, I'd feel that way.

"Akira-san?"

"We do feel sad, Shizuka. All the time. We've just learnt how to better deal with it."

"Deal with?"

"Yes. Erm…how best to explain this?" my mind scrambled for a moment. "Life still goes on, even when you're too unhappy for it to do so. So after a while of crying, or hiding, or whatever you do when you're really sad, even if you still feel that way, you have to sort of put it away and then get up and join life again. And find ways to make the sadness stay away, so you don't have to go and hide away all the time. "

"What sort of ways?" Shizuka asked, nodding seriously. If she was sitting down and listening to me, I was sure she'd be trying to take notes right now, the look she had on her face.

"Going to work-or to school. Exercising, eating food. Sometimes even cooking the food can be a good way of coping. Talking to your friends."

I decided that mentioning smoking probably wouldn't be the best idea.

"What about playing with my friends? Would playing with my friends make me feel better if I was sad?" Shizuka asked as she absorbed this information.

"It can do, certainly. Being with friends in general can help. Or family." I swallowed a lump in my throat at that and tried to continue. "Just keeping busy. Finding things to do that fill up your day, or make you happy?"

"Oh. Oh, okay."

"Ah, we're here, Shizuka." I pushed open the doors of the sushi restaurant and went straight up to the counter. There were some bar stools there, and Shizuka attempted to climb on one. She seemed to struggle for a moment, but just as I was able to go to help her, she managed to sit on it.

"Hello, Kazama-san." Tamako, a waitress I knew from the other times I'd come here, came up to the counter.

"Good evening." I addressed her.

"Takeaway order? Your usual?"

"No, actually. I've got friends staying with me, I'm getting something for our dinner tonight." I said, inclining my head slightly in Shizuka's direction. Tamako beamed at Shizuka.

"Oh, hello. And who are you?"

Shizuka's eyes widened, and she seemed to shrink a little as her cheeks pinked, but she did indeed answer.

"Shizuka Akamine."

"Nice to meet you, Shizuka-Chan. How old are you?"

"Six."

"Ohh, wonderful. Are you staying with Kazama-san."

"Mhm." Shizuka nodded. "He's friends with my Mummy and her other friends. From when they went to school, a long time ago."

At that, I had to stifle a smile. Saying it was a long time ago made us sound a lot older than we actually were.

"Oh, a school reunion, that's nice. And that definitely calls for something special, don't you think? Okay, let me think about what we have…."

Tamako took the next few moments to find us a menu card, then point out particular options she thought we'd like, then left us for a moment to decide which ones to go for while she served other customers. Shizuka didn't seem to particularly mind either way, so I ordered a couple of large box meals that looked like they'd easily be split between us, as well as a few extra pieces. Tamako came back around just as I'd made the final decisions, so I made my order and paid for it, she passed it onto the kitchen, and then continued working.

Shizuka and I sat in silence. I checked my phone absently, while half keeping an eye on Shizuka, who looked around her at everything going on in the restaurant with wide eyes. I wondered what she was thinking about what she'd asked me and how I'd answered, if she was thinking it at all. I wondered if my answers had passed or failed the test.

We filed into the lift once again, and I went straight to a corner, even though we wouldn't be in here for much longer. Once everyone was on, the doors shut and it started to chug its way down. I could feel people staring at me, and I knew that Wakana and Chieko were very near to me, close by and waiting for any opportunity to help, futile as that was. But I couldn't look at them. How could I? If I could be so reckless as to let my own sister die, how could I look at them and call myself a Student Council President, ask them to trust me to know what to do?

And now, I was realising, even before that, I hadn't been much help.

The lift shuddered to a halt, and the doors opened again. In a routine almost memorised by now, those at the front walked out sombrely-apart from Erica, who had a spring in her step as always-and I hung back a little bit, not quite ready.

Justice. You need to get Hibiki justice. It's the least you could do now, isn't it? Man up and get it for her. The voice in my head was harsh, but it was what I needed to hear. I pushed myself forward, and left the lift to go to my own stand. Just as I was about to though, something made me glancing over to the side, only to see Koutarou, who seemed to be looking ahead at nothing.

Despite myself, I wondered if I should go and ask him if I was alright, even considering the circumstances. He hadn't been doing very much in the investigation, simply staying by Hibiki's body, which made me think that perhaps this had hit him hard too. Well, of course. Hibiki was loved by many. Is loved. It was at that moment he seemed to sense that he was being watched though, because suddenly, his narrow eyes focused and stared directly at me. A very slight expression of surprise crossed his face before it was gone with the moment.

And then, he mouthed what looked like the word 'sorry' before his more usual distant expression returned and shut him off to me. I blinked, and waited for something else, but that was it. So I just decided to take it for what it was-a condolence, one of many I'd already received-and took my place. Because right now, it was justice that was more important.

Just as the memory ended, Tamako came back with two bags.

"Alright, there's your order!"

"Thank you."

I took it, looked in each bag, giving the contents a cursory glance just to be sure, then I thanked her again and said my goodbyes, before motioning to Shizuka and leaving. I gave her the bag that was the least heavy, and she accepted happily, not seeming to have any particular trouble in carrying it.

"Hey, Akira-san?"

"What is it?"

"What does Mummy do, to try to not be sad all the time?"

"Well…." I puffed out a breath. "You'd have to ask her that, I think. I wouldn't necessarily know. "

"Why? You said having friends makes people happy and you're one of her friends, right?"

"Yes, well….Even so."

"Hmmmm." Shizuka sized me up for a moment, and whatever conclusion she made, she didn't press any further, much to my relief, and we walked back in silence, and I thought of Koutarou.

That moment in the courtroom, it was so fleeting that even now, sometimes, I wondered if it even happened. Especially since when Koutarou hadn't expressed anything except a simmering anger when he'd been outed. But I knew he wasn't heartless. Even in that moment, when I'd hated him more than anything for taking Hibiki away, I knew he wasn't heartless. Before the game had started, I'd thought that perhaps I'd count him amongst my friends with time (and I knew that in the evidence of my stolen memories, there was proof that this had come to be). But that little moment was still one I doubted. Thinking about it, I knew that back then, before I found out that it was him, I had assumed it to be generic-I'd seen him approach (if it could even be called that) Kanekatsu in a similar way, sometime after Yashiro had died.

It was only afterwards, much, much afterwards that it dawned on me-he hadn't wanted to do it, as such. And he knew, he knew all too well what it would do to us in the end. So even though he'd followed through with his horrible resolution, he'd wanted to make it right in some way. At least, that's what I thought. I had no way of knowing why he'd made a point of doing that, but what was clear was that it was more than I had assumed it to be. And if I had seen that one fleeting moment for what it was, if I had realised, then perhaps some of the pain left behind would have been reduced. Perhaps. At the end of the day, Chieko and I would have still lost people we'd loved. Koutarou would have still done something hideous and unforgivable, and I'd still hate him for that. That much would be true.

But still, something could have changed, if I had realised.

"What are we going to do tomorrow?" Shizuka asked, interrupting my train of thought. I looked over at her.

"Well, I don't know, but…" Yukizome-sensei…at some point, I had to call Munakata, see if it was alright for us to visit. I had no idea when I was going to do that, but it had to be soon.

"Well, we've been figuring it out as we go along, so we'll probably do the same tomorrow. "

"Hmm, okay." Shizuka nodded at this. "So I'll have to ask Mummy then."

I smiled at this.

"That's an idea."

After this, conversation petered out, and we spent the short distance home in silence. It wasn't exactly awkward, but I did feel like I should have more things to say. But whatever I thought of sounded stilted and awkward, too much like I was trying to make an effort. I wondered how Masashi did it. He seemed more or less like a natural with Shizuka, even though we'd both met her at the same time (I'd seen her as a new-born, sure, but that wasn't really the same thing).

I wonder if that would have turned out differently, if I realised.

I shook my head at that. Does it matter, though? It didn't change anything.

"Akira-san?" Shizuka frowned at me.

"Oh, it's nothing."

Luckily, at that moment, we got back to the house, so I didn't have to say anything else, and I simply went to open the door to let us both back in.

"We're back!" I called once we were inside.

Shizuka went straight ahead with her bag, and I followed her once I had locked the door behind me. We both put the bags on one of the kitchen counters, and then I started taking things out to sort them. A few moments later, Chieko wandered into the kitchen.

"Mummy!" Shizuka beamed, climbing off the footstool and rushing over. Chieko smiled at her.

"Did you have a nice walk?"

"Yup!"

"That's good. Do you want me to help with this, Akira-kun?" Chieko asked me. "We can easily handle it together, you can go put things away or clean up or whatever it is."

As if to confirm this, Shizuka beamed, and clambered back onto her footstool to continue taking things out.

"If you don't mind, then sure. There's nothing in particular that's meant for anyone in particular, we're just splitting everything between us according to what we want and how much of it, if that makes sense."

"Yes, that's perfect."

Chieko wandered over and started to look at everything, and I turned to make my way up. But then, just as I was almost out of the kitchen, I found myself looking back over my shoulder at the two of them, and I realised something.

"What does Mummy do, to try to not be sad all the time?" Shizuka had asked me. And while I couldn't be sure, because just as I could not understand Koutarou's mind, I couldn't presume to know Chieko's.

But I was sure that right at this moment, I was witnessing the answer to that question.

It felt weird writing this chapter. Not because of the content so much as it's actually been a while since I actually wrote a normal chapter, and it took me a little while to get myself back in the heads of the characters and stuff like that. Doesn't help that I'm back to being distracted by chorus battle fanfiction again (I've been listening to Niðavellir's cover of 'gravityWall' on a loop for the past week and it's been giving me more ideas lol, and while I'm still talking about it I thoroughly recommend you all going to listen to it because it's just one of the best things ever). Still, I'm definitely back to more-or-less regular updates now, at least until something else comes up with my life.

Anyway, this chapter and the next are sort of similar to the approach I took with the 'A Thousand Words' chapters in that their timelines are sort of alongside each other. The next chapter will be mostly about-if not entirely about (depending upon how long it ends up being)-Hokuto's 'date' with Rei, and the bulk of this chapter (so Chieko's POV and Akira's POV) is happening during the first part of that. I suspect I might end up using this sort of strategy a few more times in this story, because I think it works. Let me know if you disagree, though.

So, yeah, I'll leave it at that. As always, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and please leave feedback!