Chapter 26 - Merlin

Merlin held the folder of sketches on his lap, flipping through them nostalgically. He'd only ever had his memories to keep his deceased friends close, and despite his best efforts, some of the memories had grown cloudy over the years. Arthur's memory had remained clear as day, but Merlin doubted he could ever truly forget his best friend, no matter how much time passed.

Leon, Percival, and Arthur had headed out to find a place to eat dinner. Merlin had opted to hang back for a bit, wanting a moment to think about their next steps. Gwaine had chosen to wait with him, which Merlin figured was out of a misguided desire to protect the warlock. It was unnecessary, but it was also very Gwaine, so Merlin couldn't bring himself to object.

"So," Gwaine started, sitting beside Merlin on the bed. "You want to tell me why you got the other sketches? I can guess why you didn't show Arthur, but I'm not sure I know why you got them in the first place."

Merlin sighed, shifting aside the three sketches he'd shown Arthur to reveal the three he'd kept back."Hope and fear," he said, restating what he'd told Arthur. "Part of the problem is that everyone I got sketched died before Arthur except Gwen, so she's the only one I'm sure we'll find eventually. Well, Gaius outlived Arthur, but I'm not sure he's covered by the prophecy anyway. Everyone else would just be a bonus, so to speak."

Gwaine hummed his understanding, though given the way he glanced at the sketch of Elyan, the idea of not getting the knight back wasn't one he wanted to contemplate. Merlin didn't want to think about not getting any of his friends back, but he'd lived so long with them dead he wasn't sure if the feeling was quite the same.

"This...this is a precaution," Merlin explained, holding up the frighteningly accurate sketch of Morgana. It resembled Camelot's enemy more as she'd been while at court, since Merlin didn't really expect her to come back to life in her crazed form. He hoped she wouldn't come back at all, but he didn't hope to be that lucky. "There's a chance she'll return, given she's our worst enemy. The prophecy I was given warned about a dark time ahead, and I was very strongly given the impression that Morgana would be the cause of it."

"Is that why you've got one of Mordred?" Gwaine prompted, raising an eyebrow. "Are you afraid he'll come back as well?"

Merlin pursed his lips, holding up the sketch of Mordred, looking almost like a frightened child rather than the revenge-crazed former knight. "I don't necessarily have reason to believe he will, but I've never been so lucky as to have everything be convenient. Mordred was fated to kill Arthur, and he did. It would be just my luck for that particular destiny to extend into a second lifetime."

Gwaine winced, but nodded. "You know you're going to have to explain this one," he said, pointing at the last sketch. "Especially if he actually turns up. Arthur won't be happy."

Merlin scowled. "That was Morgana's fault. You may fault me for saying this, but there's no one I hope to find more than Lancelot. He was always one of my closest friends, and he gave his life so that I couldn't give mine for Arthur's. His death was because of me, and then Morgana used foul necromancy to bring him back and enchanted both him and Gwen to try and destroy Arthur's happiness out of a sick vendetta, leaving me to pick up the pieces and watch a shadow of my friend die once more." Merlin's voice got louder and more impassioned as he spoke, rage clear in his voice. "I got a sketch of him because I want him to live again, for real. He stuck by me through everything, and he made carrying my secret so much more bearable!"

Gwaine reached over and pulled Merlin into a hug, stroking lightly at the warlock's hair in comfort. "I know, Merlin, I know," he murmured. "You didn't have to do it alone though, after the veil. You could've told me. I never told anyone, and you already know I'd guessed a long time ago."

Merlin shook his head, pulling back so he could see Gwaine's face. "I know I could have, but after Lancelot sacrificed himself for me, I didn't want to. I know he would have done that for any friend, because that's how he was, but he believed so much in me and what I was destined to do with Arthur. I was terrified of anyone else having that same faith and dying for me because of it."

"You don't get to dictate how strongly your friends believe in you," Gwaine pointed out.

Merlin made a face. "Doesn't mean I can't try," he muttered, flashing a slight smile at his friend.

Gwaine chuckled and ruffled Merlin's hair. "All right, well I'll help you look for him. I miss the blighter too!"

Merlin laughed at the completely inaccurate nickname and grinned at Gwaine, thankful for the support. "I suppose I'm going to have to explain everything to Leon before I can actually have him search for Lancelot."

Gwaine gave Merlin a pointed look. "You need to explain to Athur," he emphasized. "Leon will go along with whatever Arthur does, but you can't keep this a secret from him. He deserves to know."

Merlin sighed heavily. "You're right. I just didn't want to bring it up when I didn't even know if he'd be coming back."

"Doesn't matter," Gwaine shook his head. "Arthur still needs to know about the debacle that was Morgana's necromancy. Why didn't you tell him then?"

"Secret magic," Merlin said, pointing at himself. "Also, I didn't actually know, at the time. I suspected, but I didn't find out about the enchantment until later, and at that point Gwen was already back in Camelot so I decided not to rock the boat."

"How did you find out?" Gwaine asked, curious.

"I was in the dungeons, and I found the bracelet Morgana had enchanted for Gwen. It had gotten buried under some hay and shoved into a corner, missed completely for months. I was looking for something completely different - related to a different threat altogether - but I'm very grateful I found it. I'd always known it wasn't really Lancelot, but it was a relief to know it wasn't really Gwen either." Merlin smiled slightly and shook his head at the memory.

"Arthur deserves that peace of mind," Gwaine said pointedly.

Merlin threw his hands up. "You're right, he does. So does Gwen, for that matter, although we haven't any idea where to find her yet. I'll tell Arthur though, I promise. Soon."

"Good. Can we go get dinner now, or do you need to sit and think for longer?" Gwaine rose to his feet, rubbing his belly for emphasis.

Merlin rolled his eyes. "I could go for dinner."

"Great. Percival texted and said they're at some chicken place down the road." Gwaine grabbed his coat and had it on in the blink of an eye, tapping his foot impatiently.

"I'm coming!" Merlin protested, laughing at his friend. "Look, shoes on, all right? Let's go!"

The two men out of time left the hotel room and headed down the hall, both their minds focused on loved ones they hoped to see again.