White hair. Flames. Jenova's head. Those terrible green eyes.
Reno fought in the tangle of sheets to escape the nightmare.
"Reno, calm down!"
He was upright now, someone had their hands on him, steadying him, willing him to be calm. The pain and his exhaustion was hitting him so he sagged against whoever it was.
"Reno, shh, you're safe."
"Dr. Meyer?" He didn't move to look but recognized the soothing voice.
"Yes.
"Oh good." Reno realized he was clutching onto Meyer's arms like a child but for some reason he didn't feel like letting go just yet.
"You can hear alright?" Meyer asked.
Reno nodded. His eyes were closed again.
"Is he really dead?"
"Sephiroth is gone."
Reno let out a relieved breath. "And everyone else? Are they okay?"
"Everyone survived and is recovering."
"Rufus...his legs..."
"We'll see."
"Okay."
Meyer held onto Reno for a while longer, waiting until he was sure the young man was asleep again before lowering him back onto the bed.
Reno next woke much more calmly and to the ever placid and steady face– though a little cut up and worse for wear– of Rude.
"Rude." the man looked up from his paper and smiled.
"Finally awake."
"Finally? How long has it been?"
"Only a few hours since Dr. Meyer saw you awake but before that you were out for a couple days. Though you weren't the only one."
"Cloud?"
"He took a pretty bad beating but he'll be fine."
"Good." Reno hadn't taken in his room earlier but now he saw where he was. "They put me back in here?" It was his second room, with his own bathroom and the phone and table and chairs.
"Only because the infirmary was pretty crowded and Dr. Meyer was on your case so he treated you here after you were moved from surgery. When you're better you can go back to your apartment."
"With Roger?"
Rude shrugged. "We'll see."
Reno nodded and tried to sit up.
"Not so fast partner." Rude raised the head of his bed for him and Reno sighed. "You moved around too much earlier, it's going to take some time for that cut on your side to heal."
Reno just nodded, he was already sweating from his failed attempt to sit.
"So," he said finally, like had done too many times before, "damage report?"
"Where should I start?" Rude teased, and looking himself over, Reno understood why. He had already noticed the IV and heart monitors that stuck to his chest and torso. He knew he must be on some pretty good pain meds when he started counting bandages.
"Well, let's see," Reno wiggled his toes, feet were still bandaged. He still felt the countless cuts Shephiroth had inflicted on him before. But now on top of that was the deep gash on his side, cuts on his knees from the broken glass. His wrists had been rebound and restitched in some places.
"Broken?" he asked raising his right wrist that had been cuffed but was not in a cast- they probably couldn't while he still had all the stitches- but was heavily bound.
"Four bones out of eight broken." Rude answered.
"Awesome."
"And your other thumb."
"Yeah, I really hope that I never need to use that method of escape again."
He patted the rest of himself over very carefully, as much as he could- he still couldn't raise his left very well.
"My head?"
"Concussion, pretty bad, Rufus told us that Sephiroth slammed you into the tank."
"Yeah, I thought it would cut me to pieces."
"You're just lucky, I guess." Rude couldn't help smile and Reno bit back his own, trying to be annoyed.
"Wait, Rude," he said suddenly serious, "what about my face."
"As ugly as ever."
"HEY! I'm sexy as Hell."
"Sure."
"You're just jealous."
Rude snorted.
"But seriously?"
"Black eye and some cuts, you're fine."
"Good. And you?"
Reno couldn't see the bandages up Rude's arm underneath his suit but he could tell from the way he held himself he wasn't a hundred percent.
"A few burns, nothing to worry about."
"I was worried though," Reno said quietly, "After the explosion I didn't know if–"
"Yeah, when I woke up I thought..."
"Yeah."
Reno raised his left hand as far as it would go. Rude took it. "Glad we made it buddy." Reno whispered.
"Thanks for saving us." Rude answered.
"Well, I think it's a start."
"A start?"
"Yeah, at being a Turk again."
"Well, that's one Hell of a start, partner." Reno smiled, but his eyes were drooping again. "You should get some sleep. I'll be back, bringing your tv down for you."
"Nice one..." Reno managed before he went completely under and his hand went limp in Rude's gloved one.
Reno looked up from his plate of food to the door when he heard it open. He was sitting cross legged on his bed eating lunch and watching tv just one week after the incident. He was several bandages lighter, his feet almost fully healed as they hadn't gotten much use and the wound in his side closing over nicely. When he saw the spikes of blonde hair, he shut of the television and smiled around the food still in his mouth.
"Cloud! Tifa!"
"Reno, you look good." Cloud said shutting the door behind him.
"Me? You look amazing Cloud, I heard you were in pretty rough shape."
"That's Cloud." Tifa said unenthusiastically as if she thought he should still be resting.
"And you? Are you okay Tifa?"
"Yes, Reno, I'm fine."
"Great, that's great."
"Reno," Cloud began, but paused. He seemed struggling to find what he wanted to say then settled on a simple, "thank you."
"Hey, we'd all be dead if it weren't for you, Cloud."
"No," Tifa corrected, "if it weren't for both of you."
They left it at that. They visited for a while, but eventually, it was time for good bye.
"You'll have to come visit me, remember." Reno said, without wanting to imagine what would happen if he returned to their bar.
"We'll tell people what you did." Tifa said quietly.
"It doesn't matter."
"No." Cloud interjected surprisingly forceful. "It does, Reno. There's no undoing the past, but this is Shinra's chance to do things right. This is your chance to do things right as a Turk."
Reno nodded. He was sad to see them go, but he knew at least Tifa would be back to see him, and Cloud probably would too, if only to check up on Shinra's doings.
"Can I go back to my place now?" Reno asked Meyer a few days later when the doctor entered his room. His injuries had been healing nicely.
"You still need to be under observation."
"So that's a no."
"It depends. If you don't mind having a shadow again, then go ahead."
"Roger?"
Meyer nodded.
"Well, sign me out, doc!" Reno beamed. "And help me find my shoes."
"You won't be needing those." Reno raised an eyebrow but Meyer was unfolding the wheelchair that had been propped in one corner.
"Seriously?" Reno asked.
"It's a fairly long walk to your room Reno, take it slow."
Reno wanted to argue, but he had found himself winded doing the simplest things lately, just standing under the shower too long became exhausting, so he just made an exasperated noise as he slid into the chair. Meyer must have already paged Roger because he came in as if on cue.
Though he would have much rather been walking, Reno couldn't help but smile as he was wheeled toward his room. But he held up his hand and told Roger to stop as they passed one of the other rooms in the hallway- one with a special guard detail.
"Rufus?"
"Yeah, that's the boss's room." Roger answered.
"I...can I see him?" Reno was half turned to Roger but half facing the guards in front of the door. The guards looked to Roger, Roger looked back at them until finally one stepped inside the room and then returned, giving Reno an approving nod.
"Wait here." he stood unexpectedly and walked into the room.
The man on the bed was still pale, but Rufus had always been pretty peaked. Reno fell into the chair next to him and just stared at him, no words coming to him.
"You look..." Rufus was still trying to decide just what Reno looked like, "better than I expected."
"You look worse." Reno answered soberly. He wanted to ask the question, but he didn't have to.
"Less than fifty percent chance." Rufus stately cooly. "If I don't have any sensation return in the next week, then my chances are less than ten percent."
"You're Rufus Shinra."
"And?"
"When have you ever let anyone else dictate whether you can or can't do something?"
Rufus was a bit surprised but the fierceness behind Reno's words, then he smiled.
"I thought that was what you were trying to get me to change."
"Well, in this instance, don't. Stay exactly the way you are."
"Alright Reno, I can do that."
"Okay then." Reno stood.
"Got somewhere pressing to be?"
"Actually, my own bed, under supervision, of course."
"Excellent Reno. Keep progressing like this and you'll be back on the field in no time."
Reno's reaction to this was hard to read, but Rufus was intentionally testing him, and he knew it. Even laying in a hospital bed not knowing if he'd ever walk again, Rufus Shinra was assessing his assets for himself.
"Well, we'll have to talk about that when the doctors give me the all clear."
"I'll include it in my schedule."
"Thanks. See you later, boss."
"Bye, Reno."
Reno left Rufus. He would have stayed longer, but honestly, he was ready to go to sleep. He was dreaming of his bed the whole way there, right up until Roger cracked the door open and his last memories of this room came back to him so fast and so hard they hit him like a brick at ninety miles an hour.
"Reno?"
Roger noted how Reno's hand shot to his chest as if he had in fact felt some sort of impact. He shook himself out of it and stood.
"It's nothing Roger, you can go."
"Observation, remember?"
"Just watch my door, will you." he liked Roger, but at the moment he wasn't aware of how condescending and dismissive he was being. He just needed to be alone to deal with this. Roger muttered something but obliged.
Reno stared at the window that had been shattered all around his night stand. Then he looked to the bathroom door. It loomed up at him like some demon.
"Steady," he whispered to himself, approaching. He reached out and grasped the handle. He wasn't sure why this was so hard. He'd been hurt many times before, this should have no effect. However, if he were forced to return to that room at Corneo's, he might feel different. The cuts on his arms began to sting, he knew it must just be in his head. Finally he just twisted the handle and threw open the door.
The shower where he'd been frozen, helpless.
The mirror, where he'd seen their eyes side-by-side, so similar, both killers, both dead.
The tiled floor where he'd screamed into that pale, cold hand. Where he'd sobbed in agony and despair. Where he'd been found like a suicide attempt, covered and surrounded by his own life source.
"Ah shit." Reno stepped out and slammed the door shut. He fell back against it and slid to the floor. He couldn't look up, every time he looked at the windows he was sure he'd see that white figure coming for him.
"Reno."
Reno heard the voice and cursed into his knees for being caught like this. It wasn't Roger, it was Rude.
"Hey, partner." He said, trying to calm his breathing. He had sat with his head between his knees trying to get a hold of himself for quite some time and must not have even heard the door open.
"Maybe coming back here wasn't such a great idea?"
"Yeah," Reno nodded between gasps of breath, "maybe."
"Come on." Rude didn't wait for Reno to look up at him, he just put a hand on each shoulder and hoisted him up. "You can crash at my place for a while."
"Ah Rude, I don't want to be a-"
"It wasn't a question."
Reno looked up at him but instead of protesting just smiled. "Thanks."
In the hall they met Roger, Reno instantly felt guilty and gripped the other by the shoulder. "Sorry about earlier man."
Roger just raised his hands and passed it off.
"Good news is," Reno continued, indicating Rude, "you can have the night off."
"Make that the next few days." Rude interjected. "I took some time off."
Reno wished he could have told Rude he didn't need him, wished he could just walk back into his old life, but after everything, he had learned that nothing was that easy, and he had learned to take what help others were offering him.
So they went back to Rude's place and Reno sacked out on the couch. Rude offered him the bedroom but he honestly preferred the couch, to fall asleep listening to bad t.v. and wake up to the sun streaming in through the windows. Rude's room was the same set up as his own, as all the Turks, but the furniture was differently arranged, Rude's personality was everywhere, as subtle as it was, and it was different enough that he didn't get that same feeling when he opened the bathroom door or looked to the windows.
On the fourth morning, when Rude was wondering what he should do about going to work or taking more time off, he found Reno already awake, staring out at the city as an orange sun crested the edge of the plates.
"Nightmares again?" Rude asked knowing his partner wouldn't be up this early otherwise.
"Yeah." Reno sighed and turned to face his partner but despite the fatigue in his features, they were relaxed, calm, and there was the smallest hint of a smile in his eyes. "But I'm alright now, Rude. I understand that it's all going to take time, but I'm going to get through it. I'm going to be a Turk again and I'm going to do it right. We all are, Rufus, Tseng, Elena, you and me."
Rude was half stunned but moved over to his partner. "Reno, it's great to hear all this, but where's it coming from?" He caught the shift in Reno's eyes as they darted unconsciously toward his bare arms. In just his t-shirt, there was nothing to hide the awful scars except for those still covered in bandages.
"Reno, everyone knows you didn't do that to yourself."
"But I did, Rude."
"Reno, what-"
"When I dropped that plate, I was killing myself. And I don't mean that it was a suicide mission, I mean that I knew- somewhere down deep I had to know- that there was no coming back from that. I have to live with the guilt of what I did just like someone who did try to commit suicide does. And in the same way, I have to learn to accept that this is my life, and I can't throw it away. So this is me, Rude, grabbing life so tight it hurts because I do have it, I did survive, and I have a chance to do something good with it. And that's a promise: to you Rude, to the Turks, but most of all to those people I buried under the Seventh. I'll put my trust in the doctors, I'll do everything they ask, and even if it's still painful to wake up and be me everyday, I'll carry on, I'll still hold Rufus to his promise to change. I no matter what pills I have to take, therapy I go through, I won't ever forget those people. I'll live for them."
His declaration ended, he let out a breath, but he remained steady before his partner. Rude let the words sink in, let their implication take hold. Face ever serious, his hands came up to grip Reno's shoulders. There wasn't anything he could say that his partner couldn't already read in that strong gaze. And so Reno just found himself pressed tight to his muscled chest and felt the relieved breath wash over him and he knew that no matter what he might face in the days, months, years to come, he could get through it because he would never again have to face anything alone.
-END-
Wow this conclusion was a long time coming. I apologize for that! As often happens to me, I have trouble getting a satisfactory ending, but this said it all for me.
Sincere thanks for all of you for sticking with me throuhg this.
Riza.