26. Holes in the dike

Yuriko glanced restlessly around the subway car, her left hand rubbing gently at her right arm. Her arm was tingling, midway between shoulder and elbow, where Kenshin had touched it. Where she'd been cut by Gohei's sword. She could remember the initial flash of pain, dulled by adrenaline and panic; could feel again the aching that had bothered her for a few days afterwards.

It was as real as anything. And yet she knew -- she knew, deep in her soul -- that it had never happened. At least not to her.

What the hell was happening to her?

Yuriko sighed and tilted her head back, gazing blankly at the advertisements hanging from the ceiling of the train. She felt like she was losing her mind.

She snorted ironically, almost a laugh. Bad time for it. This was crunch week. Finals started tomorrow. Better to wait 'til the weekend; then she could go bonkers on her own time. She twiddled with the strap of her shoulder-bag, started getting ready to get up. Her stop was coming up; just the short walk across the canal and down a few blocks and she'd be at work, ready to start in on the last half of the graduation applications.

Her arm was no longer tingling. Yuriko tilted her head to one side and frowned, suddenly thoughtful. She could still remember the fight with Gohei, but it was different somehow, like watching television. A memory of a memory, without the gut-clenching emotional foundation. Everything seemed so normal now.

Maybe it was best not to think about it. Maybe she'd be all right after all. She had a lot to do today. Maybe work would help her hold on to reality.

Still, when she reached the administration building, she went into the bathroom and rolled up her right sleeve to the shoulder to check for a scar. Of course there was none.

But then, hadn't Genzai-sensei said the cut wouldn't leave a scar, since Kenshin had treated it promptly?

o-o-o

I've never held a bokken in my life.

Kenshin strode up the sidewalk, his pace hurried as if there were somewhere he urgently needed to be. The sun was half way up the sky, the air already very warm and heavy with humidity. Traffic whooshed by on his left, the tail end of the morning rush. Kenshin ignored it, save for a quick glance up at the oncoming cars before he crossed the mouth of a side-street.

Kenshin walked as if he were hurrying somewhere. But in truth, he was just walking.

I've never held a bokken in my life.

She had asked him to remind her how they'd met. And so he'd told her the truth.

Up to today, he had avoided this. He had avoided saying anything to Yuriko that explicitly involved his past -- or Kaoru's past. He had thought it best to wait, to give her time to remember on her own. It was impossible, what had happened to him, what had happened to them both. To just come out and declare it, before she remembered on her own... That had seemed wrong. That had seemed dangerous. But Yuriko had asked him, and so he'd told her the truth.

Kenshin walked on through the city, turning at random down an alleyway that ran through a cluster of ordinary two-storey houses, their blue tile roofs bright in the sunshine. He wasn't even sure whether it was fear or excitement that was driving him now across the western end of Ueno. He'd told her the truth, told her the tale of that remarkable morning, and he'd seen the recognition in her blue eyes.

She had remembered. Yuriko had remembered. And, remembering, she had become aware of the fact that that morning didn't fit.

I've never held a bokken in my life, she'd said. And yet he'd seen the way her hands had curled as he'd described her brief fight against Gohei, as if she could feel the smooth wood against her palms.

There was a danger to this. As she came to remember, at some point she would have to confront the fact that those memories had been formed long before Yuriko herself had been born. Kenshin's instincts were shouting this as a warning to him, and that was half of what was making his heart race.

Half. The other half was excitement, born of a desperate hope. Because he wanted her to remember. He needed her to remember.

I've never held a bokken in my life, she'd said. But her hands remembered. Her body remembered. That bright spirit that lived behind Kaoru's eyes, that spirit remembered. His brief description had been enough to bring that morning to life for her, even if only for a moment.

The kinesthetic memory of a bokken against her palms. Kenshin slowed, his left hand grasping the hilt of his own sakabatou. He knew how strong that physical memory could be, how unforgettable was the weight of a sword in one's hands.

Kaoru had spent her life swinging the bokken. In a way, it had been an extension of her self: the instrument with which she sought to shape her world, the embodiment of all her ideals through the techniques and principles of Kamiya Kasshin Ryuu.

Kenshin blinked, his lips parting in sudden realization. He didn't know why he hadn't thought of this before. Kaoru had lived with a bokken by her side. If he could put one into her hands once more...

Kenshin lifted wondering eyes to the mass of trees beyond the end of the alleyway. His wandering had brought him around again to Ueno Park.

Kenshin liked this neighborhood. It had trees.

A smile of anticipation flickered across his lips.

o-o-o

"Hello, this is Kamiya Kaoru."

"Um... yes... um... I'm calling for Maekawa-san? For room assignments?"

"Yes? Speaking." Yuriko tapped her pencil impatiently on the notepad beside her keyboard.

"Um. Right." The man on the phone paused for a moment. "...Right. Yes. Sorry. This is Nishizawa, economics department? It's about the room assignment for my final exam. I'm going to need a larger room, something with at least forty seats."

"Nishizawa-sensei..." Yuriko balanced the phone against her shoulder and tapped briefly on the keyboard. "Econ 240?"

"That's right."

"Right... okay. At least forty seats." She jotted it on her notepad. "Okay, we'll get you the room. The details will be posted in the official schedule by lunchtime."

"Great, yes, thank you very much. Goodbye."

"Bye." Yuriko put down the phone and sighed, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. "Another one," she said, without turning around. "That new guy in Econ. Wants a larger room for his exam." She started tapping away on her keyboard again.

"Nishizawa-sensei?" Rika asked from the other side of the office. "The hot one?"

"He may be hot, but he's a flake if he's calling this late. Exams start tomorrow. The draft schedule's been out since Monday." Yuriko brought up the scheduling calendar and started to scan for available rooms.

"Hmm." Rika was quiet for a few moments. "'Kamiya Kaoru'?"

Yuriko stopped and looked back over her shoulder for the first time. "What?"

"When you answered the phone, you said 'Kamiya Kaoru'."

"I did?" The room seemed suddenly quiet. Rika was looking right at her.

She hadn't actually said that, had she? But how would Rika know the name, otherwise?

Rika smiled nervously. "Never mind. I just thought it was odd." Then she laughed, breaking the tension. "I'm sure Nishizawa-sensei thought it was odd too. Now he's sure to have noticed you." She winked at Yuriko.

"Ha." Yuriko turned back to her screen. "Who cares about Nishizawa-sensei." She ran a finger down the column of room numbers. Most of them were assigned already. Capacity of at least forty, eh? Yuriko growled to herself and mentally berated Nishizawa for waiting until the last minute to call. The big seminar room in engineering was free, thank god. Capacity seventy-five, but Nishizawa could spread his students out a little. Cut down on cheating that way. She double-checked the room number and entered it into the database. There.

Yuriko hit the save button and tabbed back to the other window on her screen. At this rate she was never going to get the graduation applications processed in time.

There was a pointed silence coming from the other side of the office, and Yuriko could feel Rika's eyes on her back. Her hands hovered over the keyboard for a moment, and then she put them in her lap.

"What is it, Rika?" Yuriko said without turning around.

"So. Who is she, then? Kamiya Kaoru." There was nervousness in Rika's voice, just a little, but enough for Yuriko to hear.

Who is she, indeed. Yuriko swallowed, eyes still on her screen. "Nobody," she said.

Rika was still watching her; she could feel it. Waiting for her to go on. Yuriko's cheeks felt hot. "She's nobody," she repeated. "Just a name."

"Okay." Rika's voice was gentle.

The sound of typing started again behind her and Yuriko relaxed, letting her shoulders sag. Why had she said that name? It bothered her, but it bothered her more that she'd said it naturally, without even noticing. And the Kamiya part? Where had that come from? Kenshin had been calling her Kaoru for the past four days, so it was understandable -- was it? -- that she'd make that mistake. But Kamiya? Had that come from Kenshin, or from herself?

Yuriko pushed the thought away. No time to worry about that now, not until the graduation applications were finished. It was crunch time. She'd worry about it at lunch, or after work.

o-o-o

Rika disposed of her napkin and chopsticks and set her lunch tray on the conveyor belt. Ahh, she thought, another delicious meal of cafeteria noodles. Hitomi had finished as well, and she waited while the other girl bussed her own tray. Hitomi had been in a good mood, talking about her older brother's upcoming wedding.

Yuriko had still been working when Rika had left for the cafeteria. She'd said that she'd catch up with them, but she'd apparently ended up sitting by herself. Rika spotted her auburn hair as she and Hitomi made their way back between the tables toward the exit.

"Hey Yuriko!" she called.

Yuriko didn't look up.

"Yuriko?"

It was noisy in the cafeteria, but not that noisy. Rika frowned, and then called out again. Called out a different name. Why, she would be hard pressed to say afterwards.

"Kaoru!"

Yuriko looked round immediately. "Hey Rika! Hey Hitomi! I didn't see you earlier; I thought you'd already finished." Yuriko had half a bowl of udon left on her tray.

"We're just going back," Rika called back. "See you there, okay?"

"Okay! See you." Yuriko waved, then dunked her chopsticks back into her noodles.

Rika turned and raised an eyebrow at Hitomi. "See?" she said. "I told you. That girl has lost it. 'Kaoru,' indeed."

Hitomi wasn't smiling. In fact, she'd gone pale. "I don't understand," she said softly.

Rika started toward the exit again, drawing Hitomi with her. The other girl staggered a little, her eyes still fixed on Yuriko.

"And did you see how she didn't even notice?"

"I don't understand," Hitomi repeated. "What's going on?"

"I dunno," Rika said lightly. She had been worried herself, but somehow Hitomi's look of deep disturbance had made it all seem funny. "Maybe Yuriko's leading an amazing double life." She pushed the glass door open and strode out onto the brick-paved cafeteria forecourt. The heat hit her like she'd walked into an oven.

Hitomi was frowning at her. "Come on," she said skeptically. "A double life?"

"No, seriously." Rika stepped down the stairs, towards the path across the quad. "Maybe she's really a secret agent. A double agent. By day, Maekawa Yuriko, mild-mannered admin secretary at Meiji U., but by night, Kamiya Kaoru, legendary super-spy!" She grinned at Hitomi, and an idea struck her. Hitomi the idealistic, Hitomi the paranoid.... Rika hid her smile and widened her eyes. "No, you know what I bet it is?" Her voice was full of seriousness. This was going to be fun.

Hitomi looked at her, lips pursed. There was skepticism there, but also a curiosity, a willingness to believe.

"I bet she really is a spy." Rika had lowered her voice conspiratorially, drawing Hitomi closer to listen. "I bet she's a sleeper agent."

Hitomi had widened her eyes slightly, as if considering this seriously.

Rika went on as they crossed the grassy space, enjoying herself. "I bet her real name's Kaoru, and Maekawa Yuriko is just a front. A cover identity, 'til she gets 'activated'." She voiced the quotes. "I bet she was kidnapped and brainwashed, by the--" By who? Ah yes, of course-- "by the North Koreans, and then sent back to live among us as Yuriko until such time as she is needed by her evil masters!"

Hitomi smiled nervously. "C-come on," she said. "All that happened in the seventies. Yuriko's not old enough for that."

Hitomi was actually scared. This was tremendous fun. Rika put on an earnest expression. "She says she's only thirty-two. But she could be older. That could all be part of the cover!" Rika gasped as if something had just occurred to her, her eyes going round. "And you know what? I think I know what they used as the activation signal!"

"What?"

She had Hitomi now, hook, line and sinker. She stopped on the steps of the administration building, looking straight into Hitomi's eyes. "Tokyo Tower!"

Hitomi looked sick.

"I think you were right all along. I think the North Koreans blew it up. Remember how interested Yuriko was? But that was just the beginning. That was just planting the seed. The real trigger was sending her co-agent."

"Rika..."

"It's only been since last weekend that Yuriko's been acting really weird. Since she visited her folks and met that guy. Kenshin."

"Rika! Stop it!" Hitomi hissed. She was not looking at Rika any more. She was looking past her, back toward the quad.

Rika's stomach sank. She turned around slowly.

Yuriko was standing at the bottom of the steps, looking up at her with a sick expression.

"...Oh." Rika swallowed. She'd really done it this time. "Yuriko, look, I didn't mean it. I was just having Hitomi on." She ignored Hitomi's outraged squawk. "No, seriously, it was just a joke."

Yuriko smiled weakly. "Yeah, okay," she said, and started slowly up the steps to join them. She looked tired, stressed.

"Really, it was just a joke."

"Yeah, I believe you." Yuriko glanced at her again, this time with annoyance creeping into her expression. "Come on up, we've got a lot of work to do this afternoon."

o-o-o

A secret agent, indeed. Yuriko wished it were something so sexy, something so dramatic, as she entered another round of corrections into the final exams timetable. Nishizawa-sensei had called back to thank her for the room change. That had been nice of him, at least. Hopefully he'd learn from this and next term he'd check the draft schedule before the last possible day.

Secret agents had fancy gadgets, had James Bond cars. Secret agents didn't fight using bokken and martial arts. A flicker of unpaved streets and old-fashioned buildings, of candle lanterns and wood-burning stoves, flashed through her mind. North Korea, eh? Maybe that was why the technology had looked so primitive.

But no, no, it had been Tokyo! She remembered that. Tokyo and Kyoto, and they'd saved Japan. She remembered that for sure. What kind of sleeper agent would fight so hard to save Japan? And it hadn't just been her. It had been Kenshin and all the rest of them.

All the rest of them.

-- Everyone's gone --

Yuriko swallowed uncomfortably, Kenshin's words from last night echoing in her mind. She remembered the rest of them. But there was no overlap with the rest of her life.

Almost as if they were all fictional.

Yuriko shook her head and saved her changes again, then tabbed back to the graduations database. She should've had this finished yesterday, would've had it finished this morning if the damn professors would stop calling and asking her to change things at the last minute! She pulled another graduation request form out of her inbox and copied the name into the appropriate field. Then her phone rang.

o-o-o

Rika had been feeling guilty all afternoon. She'd volunteered to go on the coffee run at two-thirty, even though she'd done the one this morning: a kind of peace offering to Yuriko. It had seemed to work, or else Yuriko hadn't taken Rika's joke as badly as she'd feared.

The girl was stressed, that was all. After today and Friday, the load would lighten up and crunch time would be over. Things would be better then, Rika told herself. For one thing, the calls would stop coming in every fifteen minutes.

Yuriko put the phone down and swore.

"Another schedule change?" Rika asked sympathetically.

"No. Worse. It was the dean of engineering. They want to have a faculty meeting next Tuesday, and he's asking why I gave away their big seminar room to economics for that morning."

"Oh, crap. Nishizawa-sensei?"

"Yeah. That means I have to find him another room." Yuriko trailed off into low grumbling as she peered into her screen. Rika could catch the occasional muttered 'dammit.'

Rika sighed and turned back to her own work. Just the rest of today and Friday, and then crunch time would be over.