Dashing down the hall, Danny skidded into the wall outside the den when he thought he heard a groan come from Coop's bedroom. Rubbing where his head had banged, Danny poked his head through the open doorway and felt his mouth drop open.
Sprawled on his back over one corner of the bed with his T-shirt pulled inside out over his head, Coop felt his head brushing his bedroom carpet while the lower half of his body hung precariously over the edge of his bed.
Sprinting over, Danny grabbed Coop under the arms and hauled him up onto the bed with all his might.
"The hell, Coop!" Danny gasped as he pulled Coop's T-shirt back into place, his usual inhibitions to cursing fleeing his wits. "What happened? Where the hell were you?"
Gritting his teeth, Coop closed his eyes and willed the room to stop spinning.
"Coop, you okay? You don't look so good…"
Before Danny had a chance to finish, Coop's face went from chalk white to green and he rushed past Danny and out of the bedroom without a second glance.
"Coop, what the hell man?" Danny yelled as he tried to keep up with Coop's rapid sprint. The bathroom door slamming in his face halted Danny's trek.
"Coop, what the hell is going on?" Danny called through the closed door.
"BLEEEEGH!" Coop let out a loud retch and the sound of splashing water echoed into Danny's ears.
"Damn!" Danny said aloud, wringing his hands as he backed away from the door, feeling a little sick himself.
Knowing Coop would not want him to linger outside the bathroom, Danny headed back for the living room. Before taking a seat, Danny picked up Gone with the Wind, its battered spine now containing another crack. Danny sighed as Robin hopped up alongside him.
Rubbing his eyes and limping slowly, Jimmy entered the ICU hallway and looked in both directions for Joe. Spotting Joe curled up in a chair a short way down the hall with his eyes closed, Jimmy worked his way past Dr. Tomlinson, Nurse Taylor, and Serge. When he reached Joe, Jimmy gave him a light tap on the forehead.
"Huh?" Joe murmured thickly, chasing off visions of blood and McCree's sneering face.
"Time to go, kid," said Jimmy, offering Joe a hand.
Grasping Jimmy's hand and pulling himself up, Joe shot Jimmy a questioning look as they began to head down the hallway. "Where we going, Jimmy?"
Jimmy sighed as he and Joe stopped near Dr. Tomlinson and Serge. The poor kid was even more exhausted and out of it than he was. "Back to the station, kid. You and me both gotta head home."
Hearing Jimmy's voice, Serge's attention began to drift away from Nurse Taylor's longwinded explanation of what the ventilator was for.
"You're not gonna stay here, Jimmy?"
"I got a wife and three kids at home probably wondering where the hell I am," Jimmy explained, cracking his knuckles absently. "Besides, I promised Coop's mom I'd pick up some stuff from his place. Stuff the doc thought might be helpful. So I'll be back here soon enough."
Serge put one hand up in front of Dr. Tomlinson's face. "Just a moment, please," Serge muttered as he saw Jimmy and Joe make their way towards the elevator. "Jimmy, hold up a minute!"
"Yeah, Serge?" Jimmy called back, turning around in surprise as he grabbed Joe by his shirt collar.
"Um, I heard you say that—uh—you're heading back to the station," Serge stammered, pulling at the collar of his shirt. "Mind if I go with you?"
"Don't you wanna stay here with Father Mack and Elizabeth, Serge?" Jimmy asked, feeling his eyes bulge.
"Well, I heard you're heading to Coop's place. I thought, I dunno, maybe I could help you out with that. Besides, I wanna hear if they've made any headway catching the bastard that did this!"
Joe felt his stomach clench as he looked down at the ground. "God, me and that guy in the same car together? God help me!" Joe silently prayed.
"Well, I guess so, if you don't mind riding in the backseat of the car," said Jimmy in surprise.
"No, don't mind at all."
"Well, if that is what you are going to do, I will let your wife and the priest know, Mr. Cooper," said Dr. Tomlinson, giving Serge a puzzled glance of her own.
"Thanks, appreciate it," Serge mumbled, turning away to join Jimmy and Joe.
Dr. Tomlinson grabbed Serge's arm as he tried to brush past her. "Mr. Cooper, I know you've had a tough morning, but I really think seeing Sean sooner rather than later would be best thing you can do right now."
Serge felt his fists tighten as he forced himself to look straight into Dr. Tomlinson's china blue eyes. "Doctor, you got kids?"
"No, Mr. Cooper, I don't."
"Well, then you probably can't understand then why I'd rather remember my son as he was. I don't think he'd want me to see him like this."
Dr. Tomlinson crossed her arms as she weighed Serge's words in her mind. "I can understand your sentiments, Mr. Cooper. What you've heard and been through these past hours has surely been horrendous, to say the least. But please believe me when I say that I don't think the whole story about this situation has been written yet."
Shaking his head, Serge turned away from Dr. Tomlinson and put a hand on Jimmy' s shoulder. "Jimmy, get me the hell out of this place."
"Man, I'm glad to be outta there," Joe muttered under his breath as he took in a deep gulp of warm Sunday air.
Making their way towards the haphazardly parked patrol car, Jimmy couldn't disagree with Joe as he began to survey the early Sunday afternoon they were rejoining. As the exhausted group shuffled forward, excited kids still dressed their Sunday best and weary adults carrying flowers and cards raced past them towards the main entrance to Penn General.
"Our whole world has been destroyed, but the rest of it keeps going on like nothing happened," Jimmy thought as they at last reached the patrol car.
"Man, I must have been out of it last night," Joe mused, surveying his parking job with distaste.
"Joe," called Jimmy, pulling Joe away from his reflections. "Can you open up the door for Serge there, being you got the keys and all?"
"Sure, Jimmy," Joe muttered, fishing the keys out of his pocket. Fumbling with the lock, Joe let out a loud sigh when it at last released. "Here you go, sir," said Joe quietly, opening the door for Serge.
Serge brushed past Joe and slammed the door without a second glance at the nervous rookie.
"So, you want to drive, Jimmy?" Joe asked, as he joined Jimmy by the front passenger door.
Jimmy shook his head. "Nah. I've been up so long I ain't trusting myself till I grab a quick cup of coffee at the station. Besides, it would feel weird; Coop always drove—er—drives," Jimmy stammered, catching the stricken glance Serge was shooting him.
"Alright, Jimmy, if you're tired, I'll drive," said Joe quickly, pretending that was all Jimmy had said.
As Danny lost another staring contest with Robin, both looked up when they heard footsteps pad into the living room.
His face once more ashen, Coop made his way to his armchair and collapsed on it with a weary sigh.
"There you are! Coop, what the heck was that all about?" inquired Danny, getting up from the couch and pacing over to Coop's side.
"Don't bug me, Danny." Coop groaned, clenching his stomach and arching his head backwards.
"Is it your stomach?"
"You could say that," Coop admitted, taking a long swallow. He sighed as Robin jumped up onto the armrest aside him.
"Hang tight. I'll get you some soda water or something. Should help settle things down."
"Well, here we are," said Joe, as he finished parking the patrol car in the parking lot across the road from the 5th District Police station. Though the car had only been stopped for a few moments, the stagnant, hot air was already enveloping them.
"Guess so," Jimmy murmured as he unbuckled his seatbelt and pulled himself slowly out of the car. After so much time spent sitting, his knees were protesting against so much movement. "You coming in with us, Serge?"
Realizing he was back at the station, Serge shook his head as he emerged from the patrol car. "No, Jimmy. I'll just wait for you by your car. Think you'll be long?"
"No, Serge. I'm just gonna grab a coffee, get Coop's keys, and change quick. Then we can head for my place," Jimmy called as Serge began to make his way out of the parking lot.
"Alright, Jimmy," Serge muttered with a defeated sigh, his shoulders slumping as he crossed the road without bothering to look both ways.
"God, Serge, you gotta hang in there," Jimmy thought desperately as he saw Serge's hunched form disappear behind the station as he and Joe headed across the road. "Coop needs someone to stay strong and positive for him because I sure as hell wasn't tough enough to do it."
Draining the last of the soda water, Coop put his empty glass on the side table beside him as he let out a loud burp.
"Feeling better?" Danny asked as he edged himself on the sofa as close he could to Coop. He was relieved to see Coop's face regaining its normal ruddy glow.
"Yeah, thanks," Coop muttered as he directed his eyes on Danny. A rueful grin came to his face. "Guess you finally know why now."
"Know what?" asked Danny, his eyes widening in confusion. "I have no idea what you're talking about, Coop."
"Why I always had to sit at the front of the bus when we went to away games," Coop explained, stretching his arms above his head. "I couldn't have stood the guys knowing about this, so after enough shoving matches, the guys just gave me the front seat by default and my secret was safe."
"Uh, I still have no idea what you mean."
"God damn it, Danny! For a smart guy you can be pretty dumb sometimes! Do I got to spell it out for you? I get motion sickness, alright!" Coop shouted, causing Robin to dash to the other side of the room.
"What, motion sickness?" Danny stammered, shaking his head in disbelief until a thought struck him. "Wait, is that the real reason you wouldn't come with the team when we went to Steeplechase on Coney Island? Not because it was a dump on its way out like you said?"
"Yeah," Coop admitted, still feeling a bit woozy. "That's also why I always drive when me and Jimmy are out on patrol. I don't get sick if I'm in control of the vehicle. Though I've got Jimmy convinced it's because I think he drives like a little old lady. Which is true enough, anyway."
"Well, alright," said Danny resting his feet on the coffee table. "You mind telling me now then just where the heck you were hiding all this time?"
"I wasn't hiding anywhere!" Coop snapped. "I was in the den, thinking things over and minding my own business when it felt like something stabbed me in the foot! Next thing I know, I'm flying out of the room and crashing into some dark place! Was like that first crazy ride you guys put me on, only I couldn't see where I was going. Then I heard Jimmy blubbering at me, but I couldn't say a word back to him. When that was over, I flew back here and crashed onto my bed! You guys sure have a twisted sense of fun up there too, don't you?"
"Hey, I had no idea what was going on!" Danny protested, thumping his foot in time to each word. "I was in here reading Gone with the Wind when I heard a bunch of noise coming from the den. I raced in there and you were nowhere to be seen. I searched this whole place for you and couldn't find you anywhere! Unless it was a side trip…" Danny murmured, tapping his chin.
"Side trip?"
"Yeah, besides feeling and hearing things from down there, you sometimes take a trip back down to Earth, too," explained Danny before something dawned on him. "Um, I didn't really explain that last part to you, did I?"
"No, you sure as hell didn't!" Coop bellowed, slamming a fist into the armrest.
Scrambling to his feet, Danny's eyes darted around the room as he sought a way to buy himself some time. "Hey, Coop, someone wants to see you!" Danny exclaimed quickly, bending down and stopping Robin's retreat into the kitchen. "Here you go, Coop! A lap warmer!"
"Hey, no fair!" Coop protested as Robin looking up at him fearfully from Danny's arms began to douse his rage.
"You were awfully quiet on the way back. You okay, kid?" Jimmy asked Joe as he finished changing into his beige chinos, throwing his torn, bloody pants into his locker on top of his ruined shirt.
"Yeah, I'm fine," Joe lied, unlooping his gunbelt from his pants. "Kid," coming from Jimmy no longer offended him; it seemed more an affectionate nickname. "I'm just tired."
"Yeah, I know last night was a rough introduction to the job for you. And I guess Serge sitting behind us didn't ease your nerves any, did it?"
Looking around the deserted locker room and considering the hell they'd been through together, Joe decided not to hide anything from Jimmy. "To be honest, I really don't like that guy, alright."
"Look, I know Serge was a bit short with you in the waiting room this morning," Jimmy admitted as he put on his belt. "But take into consideration what he's going through right now."
"Still no excuse for the other thing he said to me," Joe muttered as he pulled off his T-shirt, stiffened with sweat.
"What other thing?"
"Well, after you went into the room with Cooper's mother, I ran into a nurse I remembered. You see, during my mom's last few months, she practically lived at the hospital and we got to know the nurses who looked after her pretty good. One of the nurses that used to work in oncology now works in the Intensive Care Unit. When she recognized me, we started talking. Well, Cooper's father walked in on the middle of it. That asshole had the nerve to accuse me of flirting with her," said Joe, his face reddening in anger.
"What? Serge said THAT?" Jimmy spat in disbelief.
"Think I would make it up?" Joe asked coldly as he threw on a clean black T-shirt.
"Well, I guess not," Jimmy admitted, shaking his head as he finished tightening his belt. "Guess all I can say in his defense is Serge is really shaken out of his wits because he sure all hell ain't like that normally. I guess to put it into perspective, would your dad be calm and rational in the same situation?"
"Nurse, please take the boy out," directed the oncologist, pulling off his thick, brown plastic glasses and tossing them atop Norah Malone's chart.
Patrick Malone put a hand up. "No, Joey stays. He's no fool and knows bloody well what's going on here. Whatever you have to say to me you can say to him, as well." Patrick's blue eyes become cold, hard ice as he dared the doctor to contradict him.
"Very well." The oncologist sighed as he twisted a button on his suit jacket. "Mr. Malone, this is never easy to have to tell families, but I'm afraid the experimental chemotherapy treatment we've given your wife hasn't had the potency and efficiency we hoped it would."
"You can quit your medical shenanigans! What you mean to say is it didn't work."
"Well, yes," the oncologist admitted, wincing from Patrick's blunt words.
"So, where do we go from here?" asked Patrick, swinging an arm around Joey's tense, hunched shoulders shoulders.
"I'm afraid we go nowhere; as you know, there is no cure for leukemia. Your wife is no longer in the chronic, manageable stage, but in the grips of an acute blast crisis which is now progressing relentlessly. All we can do is try to make her as comfortable and pain free as possible until the end. At best, if you consent to continued blood transfusions for comfort measures, we estimate she has two to four weeks left."
"Are you trying to tell me," Patrick whispered in a low, cold voice as he gripped his coffee mug off the doctor's desk, "after all the fighting Norie's done, that you're just giving up on her? Fuck you!" Patrick spat as he threw the coffee in the doctor's face.
"No, probably not," Joe admitted, shaking away the ghosts that had been dogging him since he had once again set foot in Penn General. "Speaking of my dad, I gotta be heading home; he'll be wandering where I am. I also wanna get some sleep before I head back in tonight."
"You're back on shift tonight?" asked Jimmy in surprise as he slammed his locker shut and began playing with the combination on Coop's.
"Yeah. Stinson asked if I'd do some overtime to help out with paperwork while you were grabbing a coffee in the break room; he wants to free up as many men as possible until they find Cooper's shooter."
"I swear, that cat works better at mellowing you out than any drink or concoction I could come up with," said Danny, looking in wonder at Coop stroking Robin's chin.
Coop looked up and shot Danny a glare. "Danny, quit changing the subject! Me not being mad enough to pound you right now doesn't change the fact that you didn't warn me about that little ride back to reality happening!"
"Coop, it was honestly an oversight," Danny pleaded as he began fiddling with Coop's empty Coke bottle. "I told you that this was my first case like this; I'm almost as foreign to this place as you are!"
"Bullshit, Danny! You mentioned side trips, so that means you knew something about it!"
"Honestly, I didn't know what they entailed, Coop! I did a brief apprenticeship with another fellow a few weeks back, but that guy decided almost immediately he wanted to head back down to Earth, so I didn't get a chance to learn how a side trip worked! It's like I've been thrown in the deep end here without my lifejacket!" explained Danny, pacing around the coffee table in frustration.
"Thrown in the deep end without a lifejacket. From being in a world called catastrophe to nothing. A stranger in your own town…," Coop muttered, his voice trailing off as he sank into silence.
"Wonder what the hell he's thinking about now?" Danny thought, as he picked up Gone with the Wind. "Guess I'll finally finish this and let Coop be while he figures some more stuff out."
"Well, we're here, Serge," said Jimmy as he parked his car in his driveway and killed the engine. Serge had been so quiet during the ten minute drive from the station that Jimmy had almost forgotten he was in the car with him.
"So we are," Serge mumbled tonelessly as he continued to stare out the window at Jimmy's small, well-kept front yard. "Will it take you long to get ready?"
"No, Serge; give me fifteen minutes so I can hop in the shower quick and change my clothes. Oh, and so I can tell Eileen what's going on, too. I'm sure she's going crazy with worry right now."
"Probably."
"Serge?" asked Jimmy as he came to Serge's window and knelt down, grimacing as he his knees creaked and stretched painfully. "Did you want to come in for a coffee or water?"
"No thanks," Serge muttered, studying the wrinkles on his tight, dry hands.
"Anything I can get or do for you?"
Looking up with watery eyes, Serge shook his head at Jimmy. "All I want is my boy back, Jimmy. That's all I want right now."
"I understand, Serge. I want Coop to be okay, too" Jimmy mumbled as he stood up and began to make his way toward the house.
"I know you understand, Jimmy. I know you feel the same way, too. Why the hell didn't I just walk away from Murphy or leave well enough alone?" Serge thought as he watched Jimmy's retreating backside.
Turning the doorknob, Jimmy wasn't surprised to find it unlocked; Eileen always left it unlocked for him when he was due home just before church so the family could make a quick getaway out the door to the car.
Nursing Tommy as she sat in the rocking chair in the living room, Eileen tried to make out the noise in the hall over Adam and Patty's shouts of glee as they continued to build their house of cards higher and higher.
"Daddy!" Patty squealed, jumping to her feet and knocking down the house of cards as she ran to Jimmy and squeezed his legs, her dark braids wrapping themselves round her head.
"Patty!" Adam whined as he began to collect the cards that had scattered all over the blue rug. "Dad, Patty knocked over my card house!"
Scooping Patty up in his arms, Jimmy shot a quick look at Adam as he saw Eileen silently making her way towards them. "Adam, can you do Dad a huge favour?"
"What's that?"
"Can you take Patty and go play in the backyard for a few minutes while I talk to Mom for a bit?"
"But, Dad! I've been playing with Patty all day and Mom said I could go to Kenny's house once you got home!" Adam protested as he threw a handful of cards to the rug angrily.
"Adam, knock that off and go do what I'm telling you to do! You can go to Kenny's later," ordered Jimmy as he put Patty back onto the ground. "I have to talk about something very serious with your mom."
"Alright, Dad," said Adam uneasily as he pulled off his suit jacket and reluctantly took an excited Patty by the hand out of the living room and towards the kitchen.
"So, you finally came home, huh?" Eileen said icily, staring at the floor as she continued to clutch Tommy to her breast. "Do you realize we sat around here all morning waiting for you to come home and that we missed church as a result? What's Father Mack going to think of us now?"
"Father Mack won't think badly of us, I promise you that. I spent all morning with him," said Jimmy evenly. Jimmy thought it best to cut right to the chase and not get into another shouting match.
"What do you mean you've been with him?" Eileen asked, raising her head and gasping when she saw Jimmy's stitched, bulging lip. "Jimmy, what on Earth?"
Startled by his mother's cry, Tommy let go of his mother's breast and began to wail.
"Shhh, Tommy, please calm down," Eileen muttered desperately as she put the infant over her shoulder.
Taking Eileen by the elbow, Jimmy guided her over to the sofa and helped her sit down without a word.
As Tommy calmed down and resumed contently feeding, Eileen looked back up at Jimmy. "Jimmy, what the hell happened to you?"
"Eileen, I'm gonna tell you something very difficult; that's why I sent the kids out of the room. I think it best they don't know yet," explained Jimmy, rubbing his hands together as his palms began to sweat.
"So, it's finally happening. Trying so hard to keep up appearances and now it's finally over because of that man," Eileen thought dully as ten years of marriage began to flash before her eyes.
"Honey, I'm going to need you to be very brave for the kids so they don't sense something's wrong. Last night, something bad happened to Coop."
"What do you mean something happened to Coop? The only one I see hurt is you," said Eileen, confusion clouding her face.
"Well, I got hurt trying…to…get over to help him," Jimmy stammered, his heart wincing as he began to remember snatches of the previous night. "Someone shot him, Eileen. He's in the hospital and they don't know if he's gonna make it or not."
"Oh, God, no!" Eileen gasped, leaning Tommy over her shoulder and bringing a hand to her mouth.
"Look, I know it's hard to believe, but it's the truth," Jimmy pleaded, pulling Eileen's hand from her mouth and clasping it between his. "That's why I didn't come home this morning; I've been with Father Mack and the Coopers pretty much the whole time. After they finished stitching me up, that is."
Eileen swallowed as she wiggled her hand away from Jimmy. Even at her angriest, she would not have wished actual harm upon Coop. "How bad is he, Jimmy?"
Jimmy sighed as he studied the blue rug. "He's really bad off, Eileen. He was shot twice and lost a ton of blood. It doesn't look or sound good at all. His parents…well, Serge is sitting out there in the car now."
"You brought Serge here with you? Why the hell would you do that, Jimmy? He should be at the hospital, fighting with those doctors!" whispered Eileen, nestling Tommy's head gently.
"Because he asked to come along with me! Serge is in no way right now the guy you or me know, Eileen! He took off from the hospital last night like a bat out of hell when they told him how bad Coop was and since he's been back he's walking around like some soulless entity. He's just like a puppy on a leash, Eileen; I had to guide him all the way into my car at the station before we left!"
"Soulless entity?" Eileen whispered back, drawing her head back. "Wherever did you hear such a thing?"
"Coop, what does "en—en—it-tee" mean?" Jimmy asked, squinting at the crossed-out words that made up the only writing on the centre of a page in Coop's notebook.
Across the kitchen table, Coop carefully contemplated his next checkers move and only half-heard Jimmy. "Entity is like a thing or being. Some sort of existence. Why you asking?"
"Well, you crossed out soulless entity here and I'm trying to figure out what it is you mean," explained Jimmy, tossing the notebook to one side. "Were you trying to say this is what you feel like or something?"
Pulling the notebook out of Jimmy's grasp, Coop flashed him a contemptuous smirk. "Hell no. It's how you're gonna feel when you realize I've beaten you yet again, lightweight!"
Jimmy shrugged. "Read it somewhere," he muttered, truthfully enough. "Anyway, point is, Coop is like family and his parents are like family and I wanna help them out any way I can right now. Elizabeth wanted me to go to Coop's and get some stuff of his to bring over to the hospital. Serge overheard me mention it and asked if he could come along. I told him I'd be out after I hop in the shower and change."
"What, you're making him stay out there in the car?" Eileen admonished as she got to her feet. "You could at least invite the poor man in for water!"
Getting up slowly, Jimmy nodded his head as he began to head for the doorway. "I did, Eileen. But Serge didn't want to come in. He needs time, honey. Alone."
"Well, you'd better hurry up so he's not alone for too long," Eileen whispered fiercely as she looked out the window and spotted Serge gazing listlessly out the window and realized Jimmy's tale to be chillingly true.
"You were right, Jimmy. A soulless entity is exactly how I felt," Coop muttered, scratching Robin's chin.
"Huh?" Danny asked, coming out of his daydream about batting the winning World Series run. Gone with the Wind was long finished and Danny had had to resort to other entertainment after Coop had retreated into silence.
"Just thinking about something Jimmy asked me once," Coop said, raising his head to meet Danny's gaze. "Suppose you already know all of it, don't you?
"Like I told you before Coop, I don't know or understand every thought process you have."
Coop sighed with exasperation as he began to feel irritated with Danny again. "I don't understand, Danny; you told me you could sense what I'm thinking. So why the hell not right now?"
"And I also told you it's a talent I don't have full use of yet," reminded Danny, as he realized what Coop was on about. "So the images and stuff I get are random; I can't control what I receive."
Coop raised his eyebrows and leaned back. "What sorts of images? Help me understand here because I ain't got a clue what you're talking about."
"Hmm, good question," admitted Danny, twirling a pen between his fingers. "You remember that book The Chrysalids?"
"About a post-nuclear war society where mutants are sent to some place called the Fringes? Yeah, I read that book not long after I got home. I remember that book 'cos when I read it I was feeling pretty shitty about things and thought the Fringes was where a nutjob like me belonged," Coop confirmed, shrugging the memory off indifferently.
"Yeah, well, hate to disappoint you once again, Coop, but you aren't a nutjob. I'm also still real, whether you like it or not. Well, my point about that book is about those kids in it who had those images telepathically sent between them. That's sort of what it's like for me, only I get words and stuff as well. I can't control it and it drives me up the wall!"
"Yeah, I guess I can understand that. Not being in control of stuff has always driven you nuts, Danny. You always hated losing games with a passion!"
"Guilty as charged. You're the same though too, Coop," Danny countered as he began pacing around the living room. "That respect is one thing we've always had in common."
"So, I guess that's why I got pissed off at you when you wouldn't come right out and tell me what it was you wanted me to remember about Jimmy," Coop admitted as he recalled his previous foray into the den and slamming the door. "I remembered all that shit you wanted me to remember. Still can't believe I couldn't remember it to begin with, though."
"Well, if you forget life had its good moments, even at its worst, it makes the fight a whole lot easier to give up. But you didn't forget it; you reacting to that crack about your cat proved quite quick you were only trying to forget," said Danny, reclaiming his favourite sofa cushion.
"Which I still can't believe you did. Yes, Robin's scrawny as hell, I get that. But why do you and Jimmy keep picking on me about that point?"
"Suppose because we're a both a bit curious to understand just why some skinny old Tom cat means so much to you, Coop. That crack was an easy way to stir up your passion about him and remember that conversation with Jimmy. Besides, I am puzzled still, you see. You just never struck me as the kind of guy to get so sentimental over a cat," explained Danny.
"Never thought some stupid animal would ever mean anything to me, you're right on that front Danny," admitted Coop as he stared at the sleeping cat on his lap. "I never had a pet growing up on account of Ma's allergies and I never got those women who treated dogs like their kids. Dressing them in sweaters and all. Struck me as kinda nuts, if you wanna to know the truth."
"Yeah, I think that's over the top, myself. Even though the Boss gets a kick out of it with his poodle, I still laugh at him when he's not looking in on me. I hope he isn't now, but oh well if he is!"
"Well, okay, lemme get to the point of what I'm trying to say here, Danny. And listen really good because after I tell you, I never wanna talk about this again," Coop muttered as his face clouded.
"Okay, Coop. Shoot."
"When I got home from Vietnam, I came home alive, but I felt dead. Couldn't flip the light switch back on to normal so to speak. The world rushed on around me, but I still felt stuck back somewhere else. Like I belonged nowhere. Don't get me wrong, I did a good job of bullshitting it; I told Pop's buddies war stories like I missed being over there and seemed to get back in the groove pretty quick by getting on the force, moving out, and throwing myself back into dating. On the surface, I was doing pretty damn good!"
"But nights were a different story; do you know what hell it is Danny to relive the worst moments of your life over and over? When I woke up after the dreams ended up being the only times I felt anything and what I did feel just made me want to blow my brains out. That's why I started drinking so much more than I used to, you know; I do it just to forget it all so I can get a good night's sleep once in a while."
"I'm sorry, Coop, is all I can say, really," Danny whispered as he moved got up and took a seat on Coop's armrest.
Coop grinned slightly. "Yeah, well, I ain't telling you this to gain your pity, Danny. Point is I got used to existing as a blob of nothing, spending my free time in the backyard drinking beer and trying to forget. Then this little bone bag here wanders in and throws a wrench in the works. He looked so skinny and pathetic I couldn't help but feel sorry for him. So, I went into the house and got some leftover burgers and watched him scarf them all down. He wandered away after that and I figured I'd never see him again."
"But what do you know, the next night, right like clockwork, Robin was there again and I ended up feeding him some chicken I'd made that night. We started to get friendly after that and he ended up basically moving in here. What can I say? As last June wore on, he began to make me feel things I never thought I would again. Actually feeling compassion and that sort of shit and I started writing again. And until Jimmy and I got close, Robin was the first close friend I'd had since you died, Danny. So there you go; this damn cat means a lot to me because he helped me feel alive again and I'm scared if something happens to him, I'll forget! Guess that's also why it pisses me off when people say shit about him. It's the truth, corny as it sounds!"
"And that's why you know now what you gotta do, huh?" Danny muttered as an image of Jimmy hit his brain.
"You're right. I know damn well what I gotta do now. I know what my choice is."