Sometimes you bring me flowers
A misery it seems to me
I don't want to live a day without you
Haunting my memory

Goodbye misery
Letters on the line

Summertime was hard
And I knew it on the spot
I would marry you some sunny day
But baby I know it's strange
To end up this way
A mistress on a sunny day

- from Mistress, by Marissa Nadler



BPOV

"Is he coming back?" I whisper, almost begging for her mercy.

The crushing blow of her words pushed me over…Once I'm with him, he'll have everything he needs.

The ground fell away and I plummeted. I didn't land. I merely slipped under the surface, begging the tide to carry me away.

I don't know how I got back to my apartment that night. My legs ached for days so I assumed I walked the ninety-plus blocks in my Rocket Dog flats. A negotiable amount of time passed and eventually I woke up in my bed with his arms wound tightly around me and my head pressed against his warm chest. What should have felt right, instantly felt dangerous.

"What happened?" I tried to move but the weight of his biceps held me down.

"I was at the bike shop when I saw you walking aimlessly down the sidewalk. You looked confused and distraught. You crossed the street without looking where you were going and were almost hit by a cab."

He lifted me higher up on his stone body and I let my face bury into the crook of his neck, the unnatural heat rolling off of him in waves.

"I asked you what was wrong but you just kept mumbling Edward. Edward. …Who's Edward?"

The sound of that name sent a blade of searing pain through my eardrums.

"How did you get in here?"

"You collapsed in the street. Cars were swerving around you, so I ran out into traffic and picked you up."

"You did? I don't remember that."

"You hit your head pretty hard on the pavement. I would have taken you to the hospital but you kept saying you wanted to go home."

He'd grown massive since the last time I saw him. I was weak and I took solace in his muscled arms, telling myself it was just for that night and it was better than being alone.

I would have plenty of time to be alone.

I burrowed into his warmth and let the fears and concerns melt away.

"Thank you, Jake."

**

Jake was soon replaced by Alice, Jasper, and Emmett. Outnumbered he didn't put up a fight when Emmett told him to get the fuck out and forget where I lived. For innumerable days they held a revolving vigil in my living room, taking turns sleeping on the couch at night and keeping me company during the day. Not like I was in much need of companionship. I was dead to the world and oblivious to my surroundings.

What was left of my world swirled in front of me in a mess of muddled colors and disorganized shapes. Someone brought me food. Someone brought me water. Neither of which I ate or drank. Someone sat next to me and stroked my hair. They told me it was going to be alright, but it wasn't Edward's voice speaking to me so I didn't care. I curled in a ball and cried until there was nothing left. I tried to sleep so I could pretend it was a dream but each time I woke up I screamed knowing that it was a nightmare. The voices around me were worried. Then angry. There was slamming and yelling followed by whispering and the sound of my bedroom door opening slightly then closing again. I didn't care. I didn't care what was happening outside of my bubble of misery. The sun rose and set I lost count of how many times.

Days passed and eventually I rose from my bed. The anguish had turned into a feverish anger that consumed me like wildfire. I told myself I was glad he was no longer in my life. I called him names out loud to prove it. Cheater. Two-timer. Lying sell-out. I tried to make myself believe he was these things. I tried to picture him in my head as a conformist asshole on a leash but I'd lose the plot and he'd turn into a gorgeous, talented multi-instrumentalist with vocal chords made of gold and chocolate. I tried reminding myself he had a girlfriend that he wouldn't break up with for me, but I'd lose the plot again and he'd be in my bed, his perfect body hovering over me, his emerald eyes staring down at me, his crooked smile, his velvet voice in my ear; and he'd ravish me, sending me over the edge with his glorious body and his magical tongue, his nimble fingers and delicate touch caressing every inch of my skin, owning me with a pleasure I didn't know existed. Each time with Edward was the best sex I'd ever had, even in my imagination.

I tried to make him irrelevant but he wouldn't let me.

So I did the only thing I knew how to do. I went back to work. And I wrote. And I worked and I worked and when I went home I wrote some more and I tried to do it all and forget about Edward.

I worked two weeks straight without a break, 4pm to 4am. I had to keep busy. Even though it was painful as fuck to be at the club because it reminded me of Edward, it didn't much matter because being out of the club reminded me of Edward. Being in my apartment reminded me of Edward. Walking around Duane Reade reminded me of Edward. I wasn't whole anymore without him and my body ached with the knowing. I felt lost and alone, more than I did when I first arrived in New York, because he was out there and I knew what I was missing. It wasn't just his body I craved, although that was a huge part of it. I missed his touch more than I can convey in words. But it was his mind, his self-deprecating humor, his modesty and insecurity and the fact that, even though he was aware of the way he looked and the affect his appearance had on others, he was convinced that once people got to know him that they would get bored with the mask and discard the person underneath. He told me that was why he fell for me; because when we were together he could truly be himself without the fear that I'd lose interest once the smoke cleared.

Emmett had taken to walking me home every night just like he used to do after Jake and I first split up. If he couldn't do it, he'd ask Donovan or Jasper would stop by after his shift at the restaurant. I felt silly needing a guardian to escort me home but Emmett insisted and Alice and Jasper agreed. Jake knew where I lived now. And even though he hadn't shown up at my apartment since the night he rescued me, they weren't taking any chances. I couldn't argue. Jake was a live wire and you never knew when he was going to short circuit.

EPOV

"What are you going to do when you get there?"

I shrugged and stuffed a few stray pieces of clothing into the Spartans duffle bag I used to use for track practice. It still smelled like old cleats but it did the job.

"Find my phone?" I smirked. "I dunno. I haven't thought that far ahead yet. I just need to get there."

"Don't beg," Rosalie teased.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not going to beg."

I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder, taking a deep breath and saying goodbye to my room for the second time in three months.

My father would be coming home from the hospital in two days and everything was set up in preparation for his arrival. He would stay in the living room until he was strong enough to walk up the stairs and a visiting nurse was going to come by every day to administer his meds and begin physical therapy. My mother's face was taking on a new look of relief and hope for the future and that alone made me feel better about leaving.

You have to live your life, Edward, the only way you know how. No one else can live it for you, which is why no decision you make is wrong. Even if that decision doesn't work out in the end, there was a reason why it was made in the first place. It brought you to this moment.

"Well. That's it. Everything I own fits in one tiny bag."

Rosalie rose from the edge of my bed and walked towards me. "You don't need things, Edward. Everything you need is in here." She pressed her palm over my heart.

"And it's big and strong and capable of handling more than you give it credit for. Follow it and you'll be fine."

"Thanks, Ro."

"Don't mention it."

I wrapped one arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to my chest, resting my chin on the top of her head. She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me tight.

"Get her back," she said into my jacket.

I kissed her hair and sighed. "I sure as shit am going to try. ...Love you, little sis."

"Love you, too, big brother." She pulled away and I could see her chin and bottom lip trembling even though she was trying to hide it.

"You sure you won't come with me, Rosie?"

"Nah. I'll be fine. Plus, with daddy being bed-ridden for the near future, I'm going to need to keep an eye on mother's best friend - the liquor cabinet."

I knew it was a lost cause. Her stubborn-ness knew no bounds - which is why I put Denny on round-the-clock Operation Protect Rosebud. Working part-time at the Jiffy Lube had its benefits...like plenty of time to spend parked in his car across the street from our house monitoring Rosalie's every move.

"Fine. But you call me the second you feel uncomfortable. And don't go back to Leah's."

"Don't you worry about that one. I think I'm banned by association," she smirked. "Now go. Have a safe flight. I'd say call me when you land but I'm pretty sure you'll have other things on your mind."

BPOV

"So you're finally doing it, huh?"

"Stop talking about it or you're going to freak me out."

"Have you told Emmett?"

"I haven't told anyone, Alice. I shouldn't even have told you."

"Oh man. Emmett's going to shit himself, in a good way. ...Are you up next?"

"Uh huh."

"Did you choose which one you're going to do?"

"I think so."

"Is it the one you were writing last night? ...After he called?"

EPOV

My flight landed at JFK exactly on time. I stared out the window from my seat over the wing and watched the tall buildings and hazy skyline come into focus through the clouds. The dazzling lights glittered like a million tiny diamonds and I ran my hand through my hair in awe.

I looked at my watch.

8:47pm.

I caught a whiff of myself as I grabbed my bag from the overhead compartment and grimaced. When was the last time I showered?

I walked down the platform, smiling at the blushing stewardess waving goodbye, resigned to the fact that there'd be no one to meet me at the gate. There'd be no one there with a sign to welcome me. Or to hug me. Or to be happy I had returned.

Autumn in New York had turned downright frosty and I was shivering in my thin jacket as I stood at the curbside taxi stand. It was becoming apparent that I needed to go to the apartment for a shower and to change my clothes. Althought the desire to rush and find Bella was overwhelming, I figured smelling good would be a bonus in the hope that she might actually hug me or touch me or stand close enough to me to smell me. I still had the key to Victoria's apartment stuffed in my wallet. I hadn't told her I was leaving Forks. But I knew she was still there because I overheard her father tell my mom that while she was on the west coast she was going to LA for business starting tomorrow.

The doorman greeted me like I'd never left and the apartment looked exactly as it always did. Starched and pressed, everything in order and at a ninety degree angle, thanks to Victoria's OCD. I kicked off my Converse and tossed my bag on the couch followed by my jacket. I was itching to get into clothes that were clean and that didn't remind me of third period study hall.

First things first. I scoured the apartment for my cell phone. I immediately found the charger and chords curled in a pile on the living room table. My eyes roamed the carpet. I pushed the couch back and looked underneath. Nada. I shoved my hands between the cushions and dug around, smiling when my fingers hit a hard object. I plugged the charger and phone into the wall and headed to the bathroom.

I stripped off my t-shirt and tossed it on the bathroom floor. I unbuckled my belt, pulled it through the belt loops and let it fall. I unbuttoned and unzipped my jeans, pulled them over my ass and kicked them into the corner. I'd run out of underwear at my parent's house so I'd been going commando for two days. I looked at myself in the mirror, naked and exposed, and hoped that what looked back at me would still be enough for her. I stood in the shower and ran the water until it was hot and the bathroom had filled with steam. I pulled up the lever and lifted my head towards the showerhead, closing my eyes as the water poured over me.

I had butterflies in my stomach as I soaped my body and shampooed my hair. After I rinsed myself clean I turned off the shower and pulled a plush towel off the rack. I ran it over my head and chest and wrapped it around my waist. I padded barefoot across the shiny wooden floor into the bedroom. I tried not to look at the bed because I knew I'd see Bella in it and I didn't want to lose my nerve. I found my other pair of dark blue Lucky jeans and a clean pair of boxer briefs. I dropped the towel and slid them on. Stray droplets of water ran down my back as I decided on a shirt to wear.

While I searched I pulled my suitcase out of the closet and threw everything that was mine inside it, which basically consisted of one drawer full of clothes and assorted socks and underwear, a toothbrush, half a bottle of shampoo, an electric razor, and an Old Spice deodorant. I threw on a white Hanes tee and paired it with a white Abercrombie fitted button down. Then I dragged the suitcase out of the bedroom and propped it by the front door. I found my NYU messenger bag filled with schoolbooks and put it on top of the suitcase. My acoustic guitar was propped against the sliding glass door where I left it the last time I was out on the balcony and it joined my suitcase and bag by the door.

I went back into the bathroom and wet my hands and ran them through my hair. It stuck up in a million different directions in thick, unruly bronze waves. I combed my hands through a few more times before I gave up and let it do it's thing. After one last lap around the apartment, I realized I was done. It was amazing to me how quickly one could pack up the entire contents of their life and pile it by the door. I had done it in under twenty minutes. My heart was pounding in my chest and the butterflies were ravaging my insides. I thought I might be sick from nerves but I heard my mother and sister's voices in my head and I pushed the negative thoughts away.

I took the small gold key out of my wallet and placed it on the barren marble countertop. I stuffed my phone in my back pocket, opened the heavy black door and turned my back on a life that was never mine. Holding it open with the side of my foot, I pulled my things into the hall.

Once I lugged everything down to the lobby I arranged for the concierge to lock the bags in the storage room closet. He made me fill out a slip which I signed. I stuffed the carbon copy into my wallet, thanking him. He followed me closely out to the curbside taxi stand and hailed a cab for me, asking for the address of where I needed to go. As I slid across the leather interior, I thought about this man - who had a family and friends and problems and bills of his own. I wondered if he understood the enormity of this particular moment that we were sharing. I wondered if he'd ever realize that the information I just gave him was sending me in the most important direction my life had ever taken.

There is much more of the reunion to come but I won't be able to update for a few days and wanted to at least get it started. ps - i know i mixed up the timezones in the last chapter. d'oh _ it should have been midnight and 3am. thanks for going easy on me. xoxo