Cassidy and I say nothing to one another. We don't speak, even when we leave the ruins of the city behind. After crossing the river, I stop and take a look at it all. Its sunset, you know. And the sun setting, over desolate land and ruins, it's really beautiful. Figuring with the river in front of me, and the desert to my back as I watch the silhouette of the city, it's a safe place to rest. To camp for the night, even though…I'm not that tired.

Cassidy watches the sunset beside me. Neither one of us has anything left really to say to the other. At least, that's what I think. I know I'm wrong, because even though the beauty of this place is taking my breath away, I can tell he's bubbling with questions that I hope go unanswered. Tomorrow, bright and early, we'll wake. Tomorrow, we'll get to Megaton, and I'll see Gob and Zack. For a time being, I can pretend. Really pretend, that tomorrow isn't so scary. That the days after it, won't be a day like it was before. That there's something brighter to look forward to, than just a bleak and lonely existence.

I'm doing just what Charon told me to do. I know, that it's stupid. To think, there's a light in this. I have a feeling, that the light will never shine. A sneaking suspicion, my own mind, played a mean trick on me. That my hopes are for nothing and I'm just running into this with no real direction. But, isn't that what I always do anyways? If I had thought about anything, before I left the vault, I often ask myself if I would have left at all? If you think about things, think them through, usually you don't do them. So sometimes, I guess, it is better to run blindly into them.

"Are we going on?"

Cassidy asks as the last beam of sunlight drifts through the decrepit remains of buildings, giving the entire place an eerie glow. I light a cigarette, and shrug.

"No, we camp here."

I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to anybody. All I want to do in this rare peaceful moment, is enjoy it. Enjoy, that there's no Raiders or mercenaries out to get me, that there's no Super Mutants or real enemies in the area. Enjoy the warmth that's soon going to leave, and most of all, enjoy the silence. Charon and I, were supposed to take on the world together. We were supposed to be together, forever and ever, and…laugh through it all, really. In a way, I guess we did take on the world. Any enemies in our way, we've destroyed to near extinction, and we've had a good bunch of laughs on the road, too. Still, even with all these falsified hopes and disillusioned dreams, I can't help but feel I'm chasing him like a lovesick puppy.

Sitting down, I finish my cigarette as the dusk becomes night. Cassidy looks around, worried, and it annoys me for a bit. I try not to let his presence get to me, though. This is why, I kept alone for so long. People generally bug me, and their company is mainly unwanted.

"Are you sure this is safe?"

He asks, sitting down nervously across from me.

"Scared?"

"No. Just worried."

There's no response to give. So I don't. Instead I look up at the appearing stars, and lie down on my back. You know, there's a peaceful thing about this land. Maybe it's because somewhere deep down I'm still so use to living in a vault, but, the night sky really is something.

"You're taller than most folk out here, Dez."

That's observant.

"I grew up in a vault."

"Is that why you're wearing the jumpsuit?"

"One of many reasons."

"You know, there's a lot of scars on that body."

"We discussed this."

"Most men won't like a woman as beat up as you."

"I don't particularly care what most men think, Cassidy. I have my own agenda, I stick to it."

His attempt at conversation only succeeds in pissing me off.

"I admire that."

"I admire the silence, you know that?"

"Touchy, aren't we?"

"No, I'm annoyed."

I sit up and toss my cigarette into the river behind me. I wanted to make this trip alone. There's a lot I need to think about, and I can't do that with other people around. Maybe I'm crazy but sometimes, I just think everyone around me can hear my thoughts at one point or another. Yeah, I'm just crazy.

"Why are you annoyed?"

"Because I had hoped to make this trip alone but lo and behold you barge into my life somehow. I don't even know how it's all possible, but at any rate I'll accept it. Even still, you had no right to follow me."

"A man chasing a woman out of worry is usually seen as chivalry."

"Not in this day and age, bub."

I don't know really what 'chivalry' was back in pre-war times, I'm not sure many people do. All I do know is that it's changed. Like everything else. Charon would tell me stories of pre-war when we lived together. He'd say how easy life was, even though the world was in peril. They had go-cars and moto-bikes, telephones to call people, radios like Three Dog and a bunch of other stuff, really. To be honest, I can't imagine how back then, life was considered 'hard'. I still don't know how to boil water on a stove, and I never really tried to learn how to turn one on. After all, they blow up when you shoot them in towns, so why wouldn't it blow up anywhere else?

But, Charon said back then, they didn't hunt for their food. They'd go to places like Super Duper Mart, and grab what they wanted, throw it together and get food. So I guess a lot like vault-life, only we had to grow a lot of our vegetables, and meat was scarce. Life without hunting for food, trading for it, seems easy. Being able to buy clothes you like, is better than scavenging armor from your latest kill. He once told me about family life back then, too. I never told him, but…I'd be down, with using the stove and having fires inside the house. I just don't live in pre-war times. It makes a small smile creep over my face, to think about what would happen if Charon and I were dropped in 2200, long before the war, only as we are now. We would screw with so many people.

"What's so funny?"

Cassidy asks, interrupting my thought of how people would react to seeing Charon on a pre-war street. Ghoul for sale!

"Ah, was just thinking of things. Like pre-war."
My tone is more casual than it should be, but…well, give me some time to be happy.

"Pre-war? That's unusual."

"No it's not. This whole city is pre-war, it's the least bit unusual."

"I just have the mindset that since it was so long ago, the notion or thought that life would be like pre-war would leave people."

"I was just wondering what it was like."

"I wouldn't know."

"Charon knows."

Cassidy raises an eyebrow. The moonlight is bright. Nothing compared to the sun, but, I'm scared to see what would happen without it.

"How does he know about pre-war?"

"He was there. He's a pre-war ghoul."

I keep my gaze on Cassidy. His expression changes, and I don't like it much.

"What's up?"

Lighting a cigarette I inquire about his thoughts. Only because it confuses me, and a bit of worry works up.

"I've spent a lot of time meeting ghouls. Very few are pre-war."

"Yeah ghouls are leaving us. There's Carol, though, and Charon. There all I know of."

"Because pre-war ghouls should be mostly dead by now."

My cigarette nearly falls out of my mouth.

"What?"

Cassidy folds his arms over his chest. He nods his head, almost smug-like. I don't like it, I don't like where this is going.

"Ghoul life is long. But pre-war ghouls by now are pushing three-hundred years. That's a long time, even for a ghoul. If Charon really is pre-war, his time is almost up. All the pre-war ones I knew, died around this age. Of course it all depends on the ghoul and their health and other things."

"…You're telling me Charon is dying?"

He shrugs and lights his own cigarette. He's so casual, nonchalant. I don't fucking like it.

"No, but I'm saying it's a possibility. Dez, I'm shocked you haven't thought of this. If he left you, and didn't say why, maybe because he's dying and can't share that with you. Maybe he wants to die alone."

I never really, took that thought into consideration before. I never thought, it was even a possibility. In all the time I've spent with and apart from Charon, him dying of natural causes…never…never crossed my mind. Thinking back, I realize now that…I always thought he would live forever. That because of his training, his knowledge and his ghoulification, Charon was a force of longevity and invincibility. Him dying, because of something as plain as old age, never settled in my mind. Even now, swallowing that thought, is…is hard. Charon…is pushing three-hundred and twenty-something years. He's old, even for a ghoul. But, age never came into play once. Because when you're a ghoul, I guess I just got this notion, that whatever age you were when the ghoulification started, is the age you were forever to be. Thinking, that Charon could in fact be dealing with the human ways of aging…hurts. Hurts more than, him leaving me.

Because, from his training, him saving me countless times, his unyielding way of always being there…Charon to me, was superman. A superhero. He could do anything and would do anything. Nothing brought him down, nothing hurt him. There were times when it was close, and I did for a while think he was dead but, not by old age. Not by, something that simple. I always thought, in my stupid and naïve mind, Charon would die in a blaze of glory, rather than a stupid natural thing.

"Are you alright? I didn't mean to upset you."

I realized just now, I'm crying. Not because I'm alone with a strange man in the Capital Wasteland en route to Megaton and I have no one to love, but…but because somewhere, Charon is alone. Somewhere, Charon may be dying, and he has no one beside him. Isn't that worse, than teasing my emotions? Furthermore why didn't he tell me? Of course this could be a complete bullshit theory but it's the only one that fits. Why else would he try so hard to have no feelings for me, or even push me away? I understand a bit now, the reasoning behind Charon's actions. I mean, how must it look to him? If he knows he's dying, and I'm back in his life, he knows he'd only be there for a little. Making a child, when you're on a time limit of undetermined but close, isn't wise. Being with someone you know loves you, only to leave again, isn't good. But Charon doesn't know me very well, then. If he thinks that, I'd be sad. I would mourn for him, but in the end, if he was with me, then really he'd be with me forever. Dying alone…I can't imagine…ever wanting to do that. I'd want to be with Charon if I was dying. I'd want to be with him, and have him hold my hand until I couldn't open my eyes anymore. Because at least then, there would be time for goodbyes and closure. Anything, is better than laying down, and being alone for that journey. Anything.

"…We have to find him, then."

"What?"

"We have to find him! He could be dying alone right now! We have to find him!"

I stand up and yell at Cassidy, who looks at me like he's just watched a Brahmin go mad. No, a Brahmin is nicer, they'd run away. I'm charging.

"Dez, do you know where he went?"

"It doesn't matter! You came to find me! You used your skills! Use them to find Charon!"

"Calm down! I simply asked and ran into you by luck. This place is huge, we can't just walk around until we meet him."

"Yes I can! I can!"

"You're acting childish. Aren't you pushing mid-thirties?"

Does it matter how I'm acting? Does my age matter? I've never thought about my age, never thought about Charon's age. Never, ever, ever. I've always acted on how I felt. Yes I've grown, yes I've matured but not because I went up another year, but because in that year I learned things. I can be fucking ten and know more than a fifty year old if I live through enough bullshit. Age, right now, only matters when death is knocking.

"Shut up! We have to go, we have to find him."

"Alright where do we start?"

Before I can even take a step, my adventure ends. Where do I start? Where on earth, could Charon have possibly disappeared to? I don't know. I can't even begin to think of places, where he might want to die. If that's even where he's going. All these things are so quick and spontaneous I don't know what to believe anymore. I just know, regardless of why he left, I know he did it because he thought it was best for me. Because he still loves me. It just makes me want to find him even more.

"…I don't know, but we have to start somewhere."

"Your idea of listening and going home is best. Maybe he's waiting for you there, you know, a surprise."

"Charon doesn't do 'surprises'. He shoots things. That's the surprise. You dying. Surprised?"

"Putting it that way, he sounds merciless."

"He is. Except with me. And I know him. I know, if he found out you were with me he'd…"

I get a cunning and nasty idea that makes an equally nasty smile across my face. Sometimes, tapping into the nineteen-year-old inside is the smartest thing I can do.

"He'd what?"

He'd flip. Charon is jealous, he always has been. From Butch, to Gunny, to all men in between, Charon hates having any other man even look at me the wrong way. It's the passive-aggressive possessiveness he has that makes me love him so much. I'm his and no one else's. That is that, and yet, I have ultimate freedom. If Charon…were to find out that I'm traveling with a man, a man from a town I once resided in nonetheless, he'd have to investigate. So long as no one found out anything more than they already know. Because then Charon would know this man is no threat, and he'd walk away.

Sitting back down, I calm myself. Sometimes, you have to plan. This is one of those times. Even if I wanted to run blindly into it, having a plan really helps too.

"You have to do something for me when we get to Megaton."

"Are you always this emotionally unstable? What?"

"If anyone asks about you, or your history with me, say nothing."

"Why?"

"Because it'll get him back, and keep you out of trouble."

"I don't see what you're getting at…"

"Look. Everyone in this land knows me. If they hate me or not doesn't matter, the fact is, they know me. Word travels fast. Eventually, me being with a mysterious man from a mysterious time will reach Charon. Ten bucks says it's on the radio right now. His personality, if still the same, will draw him to investigate. If it does, I get him back."

"And what happens to me?"

"Nothing, if you do what I say. If you don't say anything, I can save your life if he comes back. If not, well, Charon's personality is I point at something and he kills it. Get my drift?"

"How do I know you're this popular?"

Even if my light isn't working, my radio is. Without a second thought I tune in to Three Dog's old station. Sure enough, there's an announcer. It's not Three Dog, go figure, but it has the same effect.

"…tuning in and we hear that lady from 101 so far back is heading to her homeland of Megaton with…a mysterious being who…"

I click it off and stare at Cassidy.

"How do they know that?"

"Beats me. Been that way since I came out of the vault. Fact is that's the most listened to station here. People know, Cassidy. Don't fuck with my plan."

He sighs, and shakes his head.

"Call me crazy but, this plan seems ill-devised. And childish. An adult wouldn't fall for it."

"Charon is different."

"You're really confident this will work."

"No, but what else do I have to believe in?"

Cassidy knows I'm right. He hears the soft tone of my voice, hears how sad it is, and knows that…in the end I really do have nothing else. There's no one aside from Gob and Zack waiting for me in Megaton. I have no house, no person to return to and lie beside. No one waiting, to kiss me hello and lie with me until the night becomes day. I'm not undermining Gob and Zack, I'm simply saying I have a different relationship than I do with Charon. Very, very different.

"You seem sad."

Cassidy tells me, as I pull my knees to my chin. Deciding that's not comfortable, I figure I should just lie down. The air is getting colder, and it's better if I fall asleep before it gets too cold, and I can't sleep.

"I am."

"You really do love this man, don't you?"

"…I wasn't kidding when I said I did."

"Just never met a woman who loved a man like that."

"Yeah."

I turn my back to him, as I lie on my side. Sighing quietly, I stare across the Potomac River at nothing. I stare at the water glistening against the moonlight, and for some reason it reminds me of Gomorrah. I don't know why, really. Maybe because the way the water glistens, reminds me of how the lights would shine against the night sky. Artificial stars, you know.

"Dez?"

I don't want to talk right now.

"What?"

"Ever think that…maybe it's time to give up and move on from this fellow?"

"Nope."

"That's direct."

Where are you, Charon? Why did you leave, and why did you leave me with this bozo?

"What? You asked, I gave you an answer."

"I just simply meant that most women would have at least toyed with the thought of…moving on. Not sure if it's noble or stupid, really, that you haven't."

"…A while ago, when I was younger, I left to go to New Vegas. I tried to get over him. I tried…to move on, find a better man even but…it never happened. I stayed away for a long time, too. But of all the men I met, courted, you know, no one was ever able to take Charon's image from me. No one ever measured up. So when I came back here, I gave up the idea of moving on, and accepted him as the one I'm supposed to be with. You know, that true love bullshit. Wow, this just got heavy."

I hear Cassidy sigh, and I close my eyes. I don't want to look at the water, the stars, or anything. I don't want to see how beautiful it is, because without Charon, nothing is just as perfect.

"He means a lot to you, doesn't he?"

I smirk at that comment. Even though, it's quite the understatement.

"Maybe sleeping with a mercenary trained to kill with no remorse was a mistake. Maybe it wasn't. I don't know. But the laughs and good times we had, even though they're few and far between, outweigh all this pain."

"He's a mercenary trained to kill?"

"Yeah. I thought I mentioned that? Charon's objective, before meeting me, was to obey and kill as quickly and discreetly as possible. Or really, however his employer wanted."

"He sounds dangerous."

"He is."

"Were you ever scared?"

It's a bold question. I don't have to think much about the answer but, I pretend to. I pretend to, because when someone asks that, it makes me warm inside. Warm, because I know, I'm the only person in this world, who was never in any danger, no matter what, beside Charon. I have a special place. I know that much.

"No. I was never…scared of him. There were times where his actions scared me but, in the back of my mind, I always knew he'd rather die himself, than kill me. That…something would stop him, from really causing me pain, no matter what. He's dangerous to everyone else, but not me."

"You're not making me feel comfortable in your presence."

"And you shouldn't be, Cassidy."

I pick my head up and turn. Opening my eyes, I give him a sick, twisted smile. After Butch and countless other horrible sexual experiences with unwanted men, precautions are necessary. They're a must. Aside from Gob and Zack, I don't want any man to feel safe around me. Ever.

"Don't ever think, for one second that you're safe with me. There's dangerous things out here, but trust me. Nothing, is more dangerous or scarier, than Charon when he's found out someone's touched his woman."

"…Possessive?"

"Insanely so."

Alright, alright so Charon isn't as possessive as I'm making him out to be. Still, I'm only trying to scare Cassidy. Even though I've known him five years, I don't know him. I know nothing about him, I know nothing of his past, or anything. For all I know, and suspect, there's an ulterior and more dangerous motive to him following me out here. Then again, maybe not. But I would rather be safe, and keep him scared, than somewhere with my legs torn apart and my cries going unheard. I have a lot of scars, I've seen a lot of things, but the memories of being attacked in the one way that can break me, still haunt me at night. The Brotherhood, Vegas, Butch, it all haunts me. It haunts me even more, now that Charon isn't here to protect me from those nightmares. I only act like it doesn't, because as a woman…you can't show that. You can't show it, because you have to be strong, and there is always that feeling of shame, and wondering if it truly is your fault. It never is, but still, there is always doubt.

Before I close my eyes, though, I make sure to look at Cassidy. He has a look of fear and second-thought on his face. Following me wasn't in his best interest, and he realizes that now. It's too late, though. He can't leave, or else I'll shoot off his legs. He's scared to stay, because of Charon. He's scared to act, because of me, and because he knows there's far worse things, than dying alone and cold out here. And he knows, I hope, Charon is one of those 'worse things'.