Holy crap, you guys are A-MAZ-ING. I was blown away with the amount of reviews I got from the last chapter, all thoughtfully written, and it put the biggest smile on my face. Thank you so much everyone! From what I see some of you have mixed feelings of where things will go from here. Majority of the reason I write this is for you guys, believe it or not, and yes I want to make each reader happy, but if I think my story should go a certain way, I'm gonna trust my gut instinct. I won't tell you what happens, you're just gonna have to read and find out. ;)
Also, now that the story has finally progressed to winter, I changed the graphics of the cover. I will do the same when the prison plotline will mold into the story. Anyway, without further ado, hope you like and enjoy chapter 26.
Chap theme: 'Down' by Jason Walker
I take no credit for characters with an exception to my OC's.
It took a lot longer than expected to loot the expanse of the Kmart, even with the help of Carl, Lori, Carol, Hershel and Beth, devouring the time they had to find shelter for the night. The group had no time to find a place to stay, whether it was a house or just an enclosure of a building, with the sun setting, buried behind the trees surrounding and barely lighting the road ahead of them. They only followed the road for another hour before Rick honked a signal to take rest for the night.
The routine normally went as follows; Daryl went further ahead to find a good area to make camp within the compass of the woods where they could make a small bonfire to eat dinner before they called it a night, retreating back in the warmth of the cars while two kept watch for the first hour.
Elena had been bidding her time, looking for the perfect opportunity to sneak away and take the test that Glenn had inconspicuously given to her when they finally set up camp. She had the box shoved in the back of her pants, hidden underneath her sweater while she sat beside Carl.
Sneaking from the group was a hard task considering they were a small bundle of people and they would notice her missing. She thought about making a small excuse that she had to go relieve her bladder or something. She knew then no one would suggest coming with her. It was the only privacy they still held onto. Still, she didn't make a move to go, having no willing strength to face her fear and get the test over with. Her brain was riddled with rigorous possibilities that she didn't have the courage to find out the verdict. Elena wondered if this was the exact torture Lori went through before she found out she was pregnant.
In the camp, Glenn exchanged glances with her every so often while T-Dog got the fire going, as if waiting for her to finally make the decision of doing what she needed to do. She tried not to meet his gaze, tried not to draw attention to herself and tried to act as completely normal as she could, even though the distress was gnawing at her temples and the pit of her stomach.
"Let's hope it don't start snowin' before we start eatin'," T-Dog remarked to no one in particular.
"Weather has been good so far," Hershel said. "We've been fortunate."
"Could be worse," Maggie added.
"Georgia has had its fair share of bad winters," Hershel replied. "But it comes with an advantage."
"At least it slows the walkers down," Beth chimed in. "Maybe the cold could kill them."
Carl nodded his head. "Yeah, maybe they'll freeze to death."
"We just have to worry about keeping warm ourselves. Find extra clothes, blankets," Lori said.
"And a home…," Beth whispered.
Everyone shot their sights on the young girl, silently agreeing with her statement. A place where they could call home sounded like an unbelievable dream that was out of reach, but they all wanted.
T-Dog was the one to clear his throat and break the awkward silence that suddenly had developed. "So, what's for dinner?"
"We have a few cans of mushroom cream soup," Carol answered before grabbing a brand new stainless steel pot they had retrieved from the Kmart. It was getting difficult cleaning the pots they had with the lack of cleaning supplies in their disposal.
"Perfect."
Elena—who had been silent during the entire exchange—decided to take this opportunity. She stood from her seat beside Carl, who lifted his eyes curiously to her.
"Feeling sick again?" he asked her.
"No." She shook her head, brushing her hands on her pants. She stilled her hands then, realizing the fidgeting wasn't doing her any good. "I'm just gonna head quick to the washroom."
"Take your crowbar with you," T-Dog told her.
She nodded her head, grabbing the metal tool in her hand and the roll of toilet paper Lori handed to her. Luckily, toilet paper was one supply that was plentifully found in the Kmart.
Elena glanced at Glenn momentarily, the look he gave her causing her to swallow hard. She inhaled deeply and stepped away. She headed toward a direction behind a few trees, passing Daryl who was keeping watch nearby as she did so. She didn't need to explain to him where she was going and Elena was thankful for that. One more lie and she knew she was going to break into a confession. As much as she was calm in the outside, all the anxiety was bottling up inside and making it so much harder to breathe the cold air.
Elena entered a thicket, scanning and listening to her surroundings before she got to business. The woods were quiet for the night, echoing with the hoos of an owl and the rustle of branches as the wind brushed on by. Immediately, Elena pulled out the First Response test from the back of her pants, only realizing how shaky her hands were when she settled her crowbar to the ground as she cradled the bent box in her palms. She opened it up, skimming through the directions even though she knew very well how these things worked. She just wanted to make sure she didn't mess things up that momentarily she wished she grabbed a second test just to be certain.
Unfastening her pants, Elena waited for the excruciating couple of minutes that followed as she did what the directions said. Afterwards, she had the test laid on the floor, biting at her fingernails—something that she hadn't done since she was fifteen. She counted the length of a minute directed in her head, each second seemingly slower than the last. But when she got to the last second, she was suddenly choked with fear.
Elena closed her eyes, inhaling long breaths while mindfully giving herself a well needed pep talk before she took the test in her hand. After a moment, with her hands still trembling, she picked up the stick. She stared hard at the result window, her worry suddenly causing her to forget which sign meant pregnant and not pregnant. She shifted her eyes to the text beside the window which gave her the legend where she was finally able to determine the result.
No reaction came to her as she sat there on her heels, each muscle in her body stiff and unable to move. She stared long and hard at the stick, unable to think or to even feel anything.
Elena wiped the sweat on the back of her neck, finally blinking and able to swallow the bile that was stuck in her throat. She grabbed her bearings, taking the stick and deciding to bury it underneath the dead leaves by her feet, doing the same for the box, burying away all evidence.
In that moment, she craved time alone but she knew if she stayed any longer out here, Daryl or whoever would come out looking for her, to make sure she was alright. Instead, she inhaled even breaths in order to ease away the sting that was already beginning to reach her eyes. She rubbed them quickly, hoping they weren't red and praying for once that the tears wouldn't come.
When she thought she was ready, she grabbed her crowbar and headed back to camp. No one became as alert to her returned presence as Glenn did, straightening his back so fast it nearly snapped. Elena bit at her bottom lip, meeting his eyes in which he questioned her with a look, his lips parted with anticipation.
Elena frowned before she gave him an answer to the result.
She shook her head no.
Glenn sighed with relief, a little louder than he meant to that Maggie asked him what he was sighing for. He only shook his head, giving her a quick reply. A wide smile was plastered on his lips and Elena wondered why she wasn't as happy at the verdict as he was.
All she was thinking was how much she wanted the test to come out negative, but now that she got what she asked for, a tinge of disappointment crept up from the back of her mind. It almost surprised her that she was disappointed at all. This should be seen as a blessing, no added concerns and planning for another child. This was a good thing. Why the hell wasn't she happy about this?
The answer came to her when she averted her eyes from the group, looking across the fire at Daryl off in the distance, conversing quietly to Rick.
It wasn't the time to have a child and neither her nor Daryl were ready to be parents, but the thought of actually starting a family with someone she cared for as much as she did Daryl was a prospect she still wanted. She thought this new world would have dampened her dreams, completely made extinct every hope of getting married, having kids and growing old with the man she was in love with. But there was still that want that lingered, that naive thought that had the test come out positive it wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing.
All that came to mind was a little boy or little girl that had her complexion, Daryl's clear blue eyes, her lips, his rare smile…
Elena shook her head, angry at herself for wanting something that wasn't even possible now, maybe never.
Nausea came at her again; this time filled with hidden grief and regret that Elena grabbed her backpack, reaching for the Tums that Daryl had given her, and taking double the amount that was directed. Without a doubt she knew the abdominal pains she had been experiencing since the morning had to be caused by food poisoning, some reaction she had with whatever they ate that would soon run its course in a day or two. The Tums probably wouldn't help to get rid of the ache but at least it would give her a little security until she finally went to sleep, and forgot about this whole ordeal.
Whatever had gotten into her, Daryl had no idea. Not only had she acted skittish since this morning, but for the duration of dinner she was completely silence, distant, which wasn't like her at all. He saw her at least take the bottle of Tums he found that maybe Elena's behaviour was just her not feeling well again. Even so, he couldn't get that nagging feeling of something being wrong, what with Glenn shaking about nervously and Elena's faraway expression.
What the hell were they up to in that isle before he entered?
Maybe he was just being suspicious over something that just wasn't there, after all Glenn looked a lot less nervous and awkward than he had been a couple of hours ago. Maybe Daryl was just reading too much into things. Whatever the case, silently he hoped that Elena would get better, not just for her health, but because he liked it better when she was more outgoing and smiling than how she was now. This quiet, introverted Elena wasn't like her at all and he just wanted to see her real self again.
Daryl decided to give her the night. If what she said was true and it really was food poisoning that caused her illness then she should be alright the next morning and she'd be back to her old self. She was just having an off day and Daryl couldn't blame her for that. Luckily, in the Kmart he had been with her and noticed the deteriorating smell of the walker behind her, killing it before it got the chance to attack. Her lack of concentration had been result of both deficiency of food and sleep and Daryl understood.
In the meantime, he wouldn't pester her. He'd let her have her space and recuperate and keep down the dinner that she finally ate all of. And maybe tonight she'd finally get a decent nights rest until the next morning.
According to her, her nightmares had gotten exceptionally better and she thought maybe it was because having confessed what she dreamt at night finally loosened the weight they had on her. Knowing that Elena dreamt about him made Daryl curious with what images she saw when she closed her eyes at night. She mentioned before that they were about him being a walker and her choice of having to pull the trigger. All that made the understanding as to why she spent her nights with him on watch so much clearer.
It was her retreat from her subconscious mind that didn't give her peace through the night. Lately though, he noticed she looked less exhausted in the morning, the circles under her eyes brightening, having gotten more sleep each passing day. She also spent less time with him on watch. If it meant Elena was getting more sleep, Daryl was fine with that.
Tonight, she needed to rest so her body had enough energy to fight the virus that caused her illness in the first place. And in the morning, she'd be better.
When the group decided to turn in for the night, whereas Glenn and Maggie took first shift with Rick on standby, Daryl decided to take a leak before turning in himself.
He brushed passed the campfire that had become nothing but ember when T-Dog burnt it out with a splash of water. Daryl shrugged his crossbow over his shoulder and entered a thicket hidden in privacy. When he was finished he turned to head back, brushing through the larger piles of dead leaves when the toe of his boot disturbed something.
Daryl gazed down with mild curiosity as something brightly coloured peeked out from underneath. At first glance, he thought of it as just trash left a while ago, suddenly disinterested in the discovery until his eyes caught something.
The leaves had been recently disturbed before him, the tracker in him alarmed. He realized then that the direction he went was the same path Elena took earlier before dinner and judging by the tracks beneath the leaves she had stopped in the same area. Daryl lifted his boot, finding discreet prints just where he stood but turning away from the pile of leaves he had just brushed through. His curiosity surged then and he bent, swatting the leaves away from the pink object, which was a box that was creased with folds and bends. It was also ripped open.
Daryl grabbed the box, barely registering the small imprint of text that was on the back and turned it over. He went completely still then, his shoulders tensing, unable to blink. Or even breathe.
It had to be a mistake, this couldn't be Elena's. No way was it hers.
Daryl tried to think of every reason why this box couldn't be left by her, why there would be no reason for her to use the product that was inside this box. And yet, no reasoning came to mind. Denial was an assertion that Daryl rarely had, but it came at him so fast that he didn't even want to bother with the truth. And the truth was there, nagging at him, telling him why it had to be hers. Daryl never made mistakes when tracking. He knew these tracks were hers and he remembered seeing this box before. Briefly, he saw it in Glenn's hand when he found him and Elena in the pharmacy isle. And he also saw it on the shelves that they had been standing in front of.
Daryl didn't register it then, the boxes of scattered pregnancy tests, didn't even register it when Glenn had one in his hand. He didn't think much of it. For one, if it was for Maggie it was none of his concern, and two, he didn't really care. What they did in their spare time was their business, and if they slipped up, that was their problem. He never imagined that the slip up would involve Elena and him.
He couldn't remember when was the last time they slept together. Long enough, he thought. It was the only thing he knew how to initiate to get closer to her, to have that intimacy he suddenly wanted with her. To give her the opportunity to forget how shit their life was and to actually feel good even if it was just for a short while. Daryl realized how addicting the distraction was and how he craved it at any time she was near him. However, with all things addictive came consequences.
They didn't use protection, not like Daryl kept condoms handy in his back pocket. And it wasn't like he used the withdrawal method either. It had been so long since he had sex and it had been the first time he had done it with someone he actually cared about. It felt better than all the one-night stands he had before combined. And because of that, he was so wrapped up in all of it that he didn't even think of the aftermath it could cause.
Shit. He was in way over his head and all he could think about was why Elena didn't tell him anything about this. This was why she'd been feeling nauseous all day, wasn't it? It was the thing Lori had been going through every morning, hacking up her lungs at the side of the road while the group waited until she was okay to sit back in the Chevy.
Daryl rubbed the back of his hand over his mouth, finally able to stand on his own two feet. He shoved the box into his back pocket, knowing he was going to need it when he confronting Elena about this. He had no idea what he was going to say, or how he would he even ask.
Was she pregnant? With his kid?
All of this was beginning to answer every question that hovered over her sudden behaviour, the faraway look in her eye, her lack of concentration and quieted sociability. And as Daryl thought longer, he realized that Glenn's fickle nervous reactions toward everyone in the group had to have a connection. Glenn knew about this, helping Elena to keep the secret hidden from him.
There was no need for secrets anymore, especially after he told her all she needed to know about his disgrace of a father and his troubled past. This secret wasn't even hers alone, after all Elena didn't get pregnant on her own. Still, Daryl dreaded the answer that would come when he did talk to her.
He was just finally getting used to opening up to her more; hell if he was ready for this.
Daryl exhaled roughly, finally leaving the thicket and returning to the vehicles. Maggie and Glenn were left outside; the others having retreated inside of the cars, Elena nowhere in sight.
Chewing the inside of his cheek, Daryl knew he'd have to wait, either until his watch or the morning. He figured the choice was there for him to question Glenn, to find out what the hell he knew, but he decided against it.
He wanted to hear it from Elena, wanted to know why she hadn't said anything and why she thought it was a good time to keep shit from him. He knew now he wasn't going to get his answer without a little bit of patience first, patience that was thinned out to a thread by the agitation that was suddenly boiling over in him.
It was the waiting that was going to drive him crazy.
"We got a few minutes before everyone wakes up. Ya wanna organize the goods?"
Elena came around the Dodge Ram to where T-Dog stood at the back of it, opening up the tailgate for her. They were the first to be up and about at first light, along with Rick and Daryl, who were out scouring the perimeter to safeguard the area in order to lengthen their time out parked on the road. They did so most often than not to exterminate nearby stragglers that had before invaded their camp on occasion. It gave the group a safe time to wake up, get breakfast going and to plan the next route for the day.
"I know ya got OCD or somethin' and ya like doin' these things," he remarked, gesturing toward the lot of supplies under the tarp in the back of the pickup truck.
When having gathered the supplies from the Kmart yesterday there had been no time to organize everything in the proper order so that whatever provisions were needed in the moment, it would be easily found. This was an idea proposed by Carol, whom had been doing the same thing for the food supply. It made sense and certainly downsized time looking for things. Even so, it was a task rarely anyone liked doing with an exception to Elena. She wouldn't say that she had obsession compulsive disorder; she just liked being the one to coordinate the supplies. It gave her a chore to do and she hated when she was standing around feeling useless. It also kept her mind occupied from overanalyzing situations and circumstances that she wouldn't let go.
She supposed now, that was something she desperately needed.
Elena barely slept a wink last night. Her thoughts had oppressed any wish to get sleep, keeping her up with her over thinking and the self-inflicted letdown about the whole pregnancy episode. Because of the sudden shame of everything that had gone on yesterday, from the deceit and sneaking around, she didn't even have the courage and strength to get out of the truck and join Daryl on watch duty like she always did.
Daryl and her were lucky. Even though they had been completely irresponsible, they had dodged a bullet. And although that's all that should have mattered to her, Elena didn't even regard that acknowledgement. All she could think about was the future and whether their relationship even had one. What if it did and they were actually ready and wanted kids? What if they actually wanted to raise a family together? The 'what ifs' were dangerous thoughts, thoughts that conserved hope for a lot of prospects that weren't even practical. Elena and Daryl raising a family together would probably never happen, not in a world like this. What was she expecting? The charmed life where Daryl and her married and raised a few little ones while they lived happily ever after? This was no fairytale.
Maybe she'd feel better about this later and maybe after a couple of days, give or take, all this would be a distant memory. For once, she needed to shut her mind up and focus on what really mattered now and that was getting through the winter alive first and foremost. That was most important, not letting her mind wander in the stupid fantasy she wanted to live in. Life wasn't the same anymore and it was about time she got use to it.
The fortunate thing about all this was that it saved her the excruciating attempt of telling Daryl everything. It saved her from seeing the same horror on his face that had been on hers. She supposed that was at least a positive.
"Sure," she replied to T-Dog finally. "I'll get this set up before we hit back on the road."
He smirked. "I'll leave you to it then. I'm gonna get breakfast goin' so we get an early head start today."
At the thought of breakfast, Elena felt her stomach constrict, but this time from anticipation. The nausea from yesterday had finally settled, leaving behind just the small twinges but nothing severe enough that made her want to gag before. Elena didn't know if it was the Tums that were actually doing something—which she had taken as soon as she woke up—or if the anxiety she suffered yesterday was now gone. She was feeling the hunger from the meals she had missed.
When T-Dog left, Elena decided to get the organization of goods going in order to get that out of the way so she had time to eat. She lifted back the tarp covering the rear cargo bed which sat both boxes and bags of canned and dry food, batteries, clothes, blankets and other acquired supplies. Elena hopped over onto the tailgate, in order to better sort out the provisions.
"Morning."
Turning her head, Elena looked down from her position where she saw Glenn by the rear tire looking up at her, his face beaming. He appeared well refreshed for the day, appearing to have had a goodnights rest.
At least one of them did.
"Hey," Elena greeted in return, her voice with less enthusiasm. She turned back to separating the supplies.
Glenn's smile faltered, stepping closer to the Dodge and folding his arms over the side as he leaned forward.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Glenn. I'm fine."
"Then what's with the face?" he asked. He then twisted his head around, craning his neck as he scanned his surrounding, seemingly looking for anyone that may be in earshot. When he turned, he looked back at Elena, his voice hushed as he spoke. "It's about the test, isn't it?"
She didn't say anything, not justifying his conscientious guess with an answer.
But he pressed on. "It did come out negative, right?"
"Yeah."
Glenn frowned. "Isn't that a good thing?"
Elena sighed, rubbing at her tired eyes. "Nevermind, Glenn. Can we just forget about it? It's one less thing to worry about."
"I just…wanted to make sure you're okay." He pursed his lips. "You were just really quiet last night that for a second I thought you lied to me about the result."
She shook her head. "It did come out negative. I was just exhausted, that's it."
Glenn nodded his head slowly. He was silent and Elena continued on doing what she needed to do, unable to look him in the eye through their entire exchange. She didn't even want to think or talk about this anymore.
After a moment, Glenn leaned away from the truck, his eyes lowered to her working hands. "You didn't say anything to Daryl, did you?"
"I have no reason to." She wiped her brow finally averting her eyes to his. "It turned out to be nothing and right now I just want to forget that it ever happened, okay?"
Glenn furrowed his brows with worry, the frown on his lips deepening. Elena suddenly felt guilty for being dismissal even though he was just concerned and giving her someone to talk to about this. Glenn really was the only person she could talk to. Maybe she needed that yesterday, but yesterday was the past and right now Elena wanted to erase the situation from memory. Or at least push it back until it was nothing more than an afterthought.
"Okay," he said in automatic response. "Look, Elena, can I just say something? As a friend?"
Elena stopped, sighing lightly as she straightened her back. She looked back at him, her eyes soft and she nodded.
"I know I can't tell you what to do, and I know you can make your own choices but…" He wavered on his step. "Something like this, I think you should tell him. If it was Maggie, I would want her to tell me."
Elena lowered her eyes. "This is different…"
"Because it's Daryl?"
Biting her lip, Elena pinched her eyes shut as she rubbed away the ache behind her lids. Glenn's inquire was right. Telling something like this to Daryl was easier said than done. What good would come out of telling him that she thought she was pregnant, so she took a test and fortunately it came out negative so there's nothing to worry about? All it would do was confess that she'd been sneaking behind his back in order to get answers on a predicament that in a way they both got themselves into. Daryl wouldn't take too kindly finding out she'd been keeping something like this from him. If Elena said something, the outcome might be a fight and she was beyond having those with Daryl anymore.
All she wanted was some peace and to have things between her and Daryl to run smoothly for once, and if that meant keeping this entire thing to herself, so be it.
"It's complicated, Glenn—this whole situation is, and there's no point stressing out over something that's not really there. I get what you're saying, but I think it's best he doesn't know."
"Okay," he said again. Pulling off the cap from his head, Glenn ran a hand through the wisps of his black hair. He then lowered his hand, rustling with the cap as he looked back at her. "Are we good?"
A soft smile curved Elena's lips and she gazed at him with gentle eyes. "We always were. Thank you, honestly. I know you didn't need to do all this for me."
Glenn matched her smile, shaking his head. "It's nothing, Elena. Call me a softy but…" He paused, fidgeting with his cap. "You're like a sister to me."
"The feeling is mutual." She smiled again. "Little bro."
Glenn let out a lighthearted laugh, throwing the cap back onto his head.
"Glenn!"
The two of them craned their necks at the shout of Maggie's voice.
"Gotta go, wife's calling," he remarked jokingly, slapping his hand against the Dodge. "If you need help with sorting out the supplies…"
Glenn let the offer hang in the air and Elena shook her head politely. "I got this. Go see what your girlfriend wants."
With a grin, Glenn left, leaving behind a lighter weight on Elena's mind and also loosening the ache in her chest. Glenn really was a special guy and Maggie was lucky to have him. Although he didn't have to, he still tried to make sure Elena was alright, concerned for her state of mind. He did more than he needed to, selflessly acting on impulse for others and Elena was irrevocably grateful. Somehow, someday she'd repay him when it was his turn to need someone and Elena realized how true it was that she deeply saw him as family.
Elena returned back to her duties with a lighter head, her negative thoughts not altogether gone but definitely easier to handle.
After a few minutes, she set herself back onto the balls of her feet, straightening the ache in her back. A loud yawn escaped her, so strong it watered her eyes and she wiped the access water when at the corner of her eyes she spotted movement. She was suddenly alert, her senses working on overdrive until she recognized who it was.
At her height, standing on the cargo bed of the truck, she could see Rick climbing back up the slope from the woods, returning onto the pavement. Elena lifted onto her toes in order to see passed him. After a few seconds, Daryl's crossbow was seen, pointed straight up in the air, his hand at the end of it and then the top of his head. The two appeared unharmed and Elena let her nerves subside.
She watched as Daryl lifted himself back onto the road. And she realized something then.
Maybe the world wasn't the same and maybe everything she ever wanted in her future was no longer achievable, but she still had something more than she could ask for. She had him. Daryl meant more to her than past dreams ever will. She closed the chapter of her old life, and this new chapter was worth moving forward and never looking back.
As if by instinct, walking along side Rick toward the vehicles, Daryl turned his head and his eyes met hers. She gave him a small smile even though in this distance she was unsure he would see it.
Rick continued on toward the Chevy, where Lori and Carl were—by assumption—still sleep and Daryl walked passed, seemingly headed to her direction.
Elena moved toward the edge of the Dodge in order to land back down to the ground. He was probably coming to her to see how her health was considering she didn't meet up with him on watch last night. If he asked, she'd tell him that she slept through the night. It was another lie, Elena knew, but she promised herself it was the last one. After that, she was entering a clean slate. No more lies, no more secrets—just honesty, which a relationship should be initially built on.
The sound of footsteps came louder and Elena hopped off the opened tailgate, landing on her feet. She smoothed out the wrinkles in her sweater, lifting her eyes when the footsteps stopped.
At the sight of him, Elena wanted to smile, wanted to ask him how scouting the perimeter went, wanted to know how he was doing this morning. But she never got the chance.
Something flew near her, a quick blur, landing onto the opened tailgate. It tumbled, skidding toward her until it paused. Elena stared at the thing Daryl had tossed onto the tailgate, momentarily confused.
Then Elena went completely still, recognition slapping her so swiftly she felt lightheaded. She stared hard toward the thing that laid on the tailgate. It had once been a box, now bent with folds and water damaged from the winter's frost. She recognized the pink, the typeface of the logo, the size of the box. The familiarity came within a matter of a millisecond that Daryl's piercing gaze barely registered in her brain.
Daryl watched her, his eyes narrowed as Elena stared intently at the box he found last night. She didn't blink, her lips parted in stunned silence. Her breaths grew shallow, let out in puffs of vapor in front of her, her nostrils flaring. She was frozen in shock, as still as a statue. Daryl figured this was the last thing she was expecting to unfold in the morning.
Daryl had waited all of last night to talk to her, barely able to sleep. He had the box with him, staring at it for hours as if the answer he wanted was hidden inside. In a sense it was, but taken away and concealed from the woman in front of him. He had stood on his watch, waiting for her to show up like she always did and each passing minute she didn't come made it that much longer. When a half hour had passed, he gave up waiting, his patience immediately gone, leaving behind a terrifying dread that lingered. She had avoided him last night and with the small knowledge Daryl knew, finding the box and what it meant, he thought the worst.
Scouting the perimeter with Rick at first light gave him the chance to think things through, to calm himself down instead of jumping into conclusions. It gave him time to think of what to say, to think of how to approach her with the question in his head. It gave him time to do this with a level head. However, as much as he tried to prepare himself, Daryl wasn't ready for this.
She had smiled at him like nothing was out of the ordinary, holding on to the façade since yesterday. And what it did was enter a certain ire that he hadn't felt in him in a while. The fact that she was going to continue to keep this secret from him completely blanked his mind from the preamble he planned in his head, and Daryl decided not to beat around the bush. He was jumping straight into it.
"It's yours," he said, gesturing toward the box, "ain't it?"
Elena didn't answer him, her eyes fixed on it. Daryl stared at her for a long while when she finally moved, her hand slowly reaching for the box and taking it in her hand. She held it, her expression lost.
Daryl's jaw clenched. "Found it near the camp. I know it's yours, I ain't stupid."
"I never said you were…"
Daryl's eyes narrowed slightly. He couldn't read passed her shocked expression and his irritation bristled. He chewed the inside of his cheek, lowering his eyes on the box in her hands, the question in his mind begging to be asked. His chest began to tighten, the nervousness inhabiting his body. He hesitated before he parted his lips and looked back into her face.
"Are you…?" he pressed, his voice loud and insistent at first. But he let the question trail off, his need to know replaced with an unrecognizable fear.
Her answer came quick but steady.
"No."
A sigh of relief wanted to escape him, wanted to finally relax his stiff shoulders, but the look on her face wouldn't allow it. For some reason she didn't seem as relieved as he was at the news, relief from the prospect that they could have been condemned with a little life growing inside her that they both weren't ready for. Instead, she looked empty, derived from emotion—well any emotion that Daryl could read.
Daryl watched her, realizing that she still hadn't looked at him even though the secret was out in the open. She didn't even say anything further.
Exhaling a rough sigh, Daryl shook his head once and stepped closer to her. "Why'd the hell didn't ya say anythin' for?" He swung his arm in front of him, gesturing toward her hand. "I gotta find out this way?"
Her face darkened as she chewed on her bottom lip. "I didn't want to worry you…"
"But you can tell Glenn?"
"It wasn't by choice," she said, finally meeting his gaze. "He just sort of guessed."
Daryl leaned back, faltering at that. He stared at her closely, his irritability slowly going cold at her posture. She didn't appear defensive or try to stay reserved; she looked tense and smaller than usual.
Daryl felt himself soften, turning away from her for a moment. He wiped the back of his hand over his mouth thoughtfully and exhaled the last of his anger.
"I didn't…," she began and Daryl looked back at her. "I didn't want to say anything if it turned out to be a false alarm. Which it was."
"Don' need to keep shit from me, neither."
Elena frowned, but she slowly nodded her head in agreement. "You're right, I'm sorry."
Daryl lowered his eyes, suddenly unsure where to go from here. All of his predictions were dubbed untrue. Elena wasn't pregnant, and thank God for that. Two nights together, two nights of disregarded irresponsibility, and they dodged a bullet. Twice. At least he hoped that the negative test result accounted for both times. But judging by Elena's composure, it probably did.
Elena folded the already dismantled box in her hand, shoving it in her pocket to hide it from any further members of the group. She shifted, placing her hands behind her on the tailgate and leaned against it.
"We should have thought of this before," she began, turning her eyes to him. "I'm not saying I regret our nights together, I just think we should've been more careful. It's bad enough that we have one baby on the way."
She was right. He had thought how reckless it was that Lori had gotten pregnant. He may not have been interested in gossip but he heard things back in the quarry and noticed when he was around Lori and Shane sneaking away together shamelessly. And not just that, but he wouldn't have been surprised that Lori had gotten together with Rick when they reunited. Two guys and she didn't even know who the father was. Daryl remembered thinking how stupid he thought she was, but he was one hell of a hypocrite. He was just as stupid; the only difference here was that they had learned from their mistake before it was too late.
"Did you ever think about having kids?" Elena asked him quietly, her eyes still on him.
He shook his head once, moving himself closer to her and leaning his hip against the tailgate with her. "Ain't something that came to mind." And that was the truth. The last thing Daryl ever thought about was being a father. He didn't even think about finding someone he could care about as much as he did Elena. There were a lot of things he hadn't considered.
Elena nodded her head slowly, averting her eyes. He saw something flash over them as they darkened and he wondered if it had something to do with his answer.
"…You?"
"I…use to." She shrugged. "Y'know, I wanted to get married, have kids, start a family…I don't have the liberty to want those things anymore." For a moment, Daryl thought he saw pain in her gaze, but it was quickly covered with the slight lift of the corner of her lips. "It doesn't matter anyway. I have more than I could ask for. I'm alive and I'm not alone and that has to account for something."
"Could be a hell of a lot worse."
"Yeah..."
"Could've been still lost in the woods and never found the group."
Elena turned her eyes to him, a smile spreading those full lips of hers.
Daryl couldn't imagine what it would be like had she never joined the group, what it would be like if he never had met her, if he never had kissed her. That just sounded like alternate road that seemed solitary and empty. A road he might have taken before but he was gladly forsaken he never did.
Elena then stepped forward, leaning on her toes and kissed him. It was a short kiss, one that lasted nothing more than a couple of seconds, but Daryl didn't realize how much he missed this.
Being affectionate was still a hard task for Daryl, still a hard action to initiate with the lack of experience he had. He hadn't grown up with it, wasn't raised with it, and didn't even know what it felt like to finally have it. It gave him a strange sensation, one of strong fondness for the woman in front of him whom always had the courage and push to make the move. Even just a small peck, the short brush of her lips against his, was powerful enough to get his blood flowing.
When she pulled back, she stared into his eyes with a strong gaze and Daryl felt the corner of his lips twitch.
But it was T-Dog's call that broke the silence. "Yo! Breakfast is served!"
Elena sighed lightly, stepping away from Daryl. She did it in consideration knowing that Daryl was uncomfortable being this close to her in the presence of the group, who were only several meters away. But in that moment surprisingly he didn't care. He replaced her step, dipping his head and covering her mouth with his. The action was heated, pent up with both longing and the small lingering irritation of her having had secretly hiding things from him. He parted from her, barely an inch away and his eyes intensely boar into hers.
"Next time," he whispered, his breaths of vapor steaming between them, "best not lie to me."
Her eyes flashed then and she nodded only slightly. "No more secrets."
Satisfied, Daryl leaned away from her, noticing that the extension of space between them made the tension on her shoulders loosen.
He exhaled, waving his arm to the side. "Go. Get somethin' to eat."
"Are you coming?"
"Right behind ya."
Elena gave a small smile and walked passed him just as he reached for the tailgate of the Dodge Ram and slammed it closed for her. He turned his head, staring into Elena's backside as she went ahead to join the others for the small meal before they continued on through rural Georgia.
A single thought suddenly clouded his mind, however, one that was both important and also a nagging problem. Yesterday they had a close call, one that needed to be well acknowledged and learned, and with that came deliberation. It wasn't said in words, but the careful consideration that Elena said they needed only meant one thing to Daryl.
Abstinence.
He had gone long before without engaging in sex—was use to being celibate and ignoring the craving. But the sexual attraction between them was stronger than Daryl had ever felt before, combined with deep feelings of attachment, that intimacy was not only a yearning but a need as well. Having a woman like Elena at arm's length, so close to the touch and someone he desired almost every damn day, was going to be the most difficult thing to stop himself from having when an opportunity presented itself.