A/N: Thanks for sticking through the angst. It's over soon I promise. And anyone who knows where the title of this chapter came from is fucking awesome. And even if you don't you're still fucking awesome.

I've been here over four weeks. The house was finally starting to get back to the way it was, or as close as I could get it without my mom. I still hadn't been able to go into her room and I almost felt like this trip was starting to turn into something more than just dealing with the fallout of Edward. It was a big deal for me to stay in this house, in her house. It was a turning point.

Edward stopped calling about a week ago. I finally sat down last night and listened to his voicemails. The first half were full of "I'm sorry" and "I love you" and then they just got progressively more and more agitated. I could tell it was driving him crazy not being able to talk to me or know where I am and part of me liked that. The dark side of Edward deserved to suffer. He was always getting what he wanted and this was the one time he couldn't. Of course the other part of me was starting to miss my Edward. I hated admitting it after how he acted but I don't have control over who I miss. The heart wants and aches for who it chooses.

I'd found an old small television in the attic and finally turned it on last week. I thought by then the media would have died down and moved onto something else. I found myself watching a charity match that Edward was playing at and I cursed under my breath for torturing myself like that.

He looked pissed. More irritated than usual. He yelled at the other player, the line judges, the referee. I noticed him looking back to where I usually stood and his shoulders fell, almost like he forgot for the slightest moment that I wasn't there. He scratched his nose and walked back to the baseline. He must have had an itch or something because there's no way he was expecting me to be watching this.

I quickly flipped the television off and had been hesitant to turn it back on since then. It was like my remote was Edward radar and was out to torture me.

Seth had called me a couple of times, trying to get me to come out with them. I'd finally agreed and we were going to a bar tonight in Port Angeles, which is the only reason I'd agreed to go. Charlie tended to frequent the Forks' bars….or technically the one Forks' bar and I was still trying to keep a semi-low profile with him. I was a little less than thrilled that Leah was apparently going, but I guess if we were in a group it'd be okay. I just always had a feeling she wanted to rip my head off and feed it to the wolves or something.

I threw on some jeans and a t-shirt and jumped in the truck. I called Seth when I was close to Port Angeles so he could tell me where to go. I followed his directions and pulled up to a small building, neon signs hanging outside.

I parked the truck on the side of the building and took a deep breath before walking inside. I always got really nervous about hanging around with a ton of people I hardly knew. And even though the goal in coming to Forks was to be alone, I was going a little crazy being cooped up in that house all the time. I needed some social interaction no matter how much my palms were going to sweat.

I was instantly assaulted by the heavy smell of smoke and waved my hand in front of my nose. I scanned the crowded bar looking for Seth and finally spotted him in the large corner booth. He was surrounded by two guys…and Leah. He smiled when he saw me and waved me over.

I shuffled over and mumbled a quick hello.

"Bella this is Embry and Quil." I smiled at the two guys flanking him. They looked vaguely familiar and I assumed they must have gone to high school with us too. "And of course you remember Leah."

Leah took a sip of her beer and scowled my way. Even in my current situation it was unthinkable to me that someone could be that pissed off all the time. I'd be surprised if her face wasn't permanently distorted like that.

"Do you want something to drink?" Seth pushed Quil out of the way and stood up.

"Yeah sure."

He placed his hand on the small of my back and led me to the bar. "What'll it be?" He asked.

"Just a beer is fine."

"Can I get five beers please?" He asked the bar tender, whipping out some cash.

"Seth no. I already owe you for fixing my truck."

"It's done." He smiled at the bartender and grabbed the bottles, handing one to me.

We started back to the table and I ended up sitting between Seth and Embry. It was surprisingly easy to talk to them, even with Miss Grumpy Gills sitting across from us. They were all really nice and just…fun.

"So…Bella. What brought you back to the wonderful town of Forks?" Quil asked.

"Just uh…needed a break." I started spinning my empty beer bottle around.

"Waitress!" He yelled. "A round of shots please."

She returned a few minutes later and laid the shot glasses down. Quil handed one to everyone and held his up.

"To taking a break!" He smiled.

"To breaks!" I echoed. Everyone clinked their glasses together and down the shots. I grimaced as it burned my throat and shook my head.

A few beers later I was a notch past tipsy and somehow Quil had pulled me out onto the dance floor to dance to that God-awful song about not trusting hoes or whatever it was called. Seemed like pretty obvious advice to me, but I guess there are some that needed the advice.

"You're a great dancer!" Quil teased as I was jumping around. I guess I wasn't really dancing. It was more like flailing my arms around and whipping my hair. It was nice to finally let go though so I didn't care that I looked like an idiot. Like he was doing much better with his sprinkler move and robot.

Seth eventually came and rescued me, toting me over to a corner over by the bar.

"I thought you looked like you needed some rescuing," he said, taking a sip of his beer.

"Thanks," I smiled.

"So are you having a good time?"

"Yeah I really like everyone."

He bit down on his lip and smirked. I studied his face for a moment and smiled. I don't know if I was just really drunk or I genuinely felt this way but I thought he was gorgeous.

"You know I never told you this…" he leaned down close to me and placed his arm on the wall above my head. "I always had a huge crush on you in high school."

"No you didn't," I laughed.

"I did. But you were a year ahead of me and I was a scared little underclassmen."

"Yeah I probably wouldn't have been into the whole cougar thing," I shrugged playfully.

"And now?"

"I think I might be open to it…" I smirked.

I was flirting with him. How was this even possible? I mean he was definitely hot but I just didn't expect this at all when I came here. I wasn't even thinking about guys, but was I thinking about them now?

"Would you be open to an experiment? You know to test out this new…openness." He mumbled.

"Sure."

He licked his lips and inched forward. I held my breath a moment before he pressed his lips to mine. It didn't feel as weird as I thought it would. In fact I kind of liked it. It was somewhere between the nothing I felt with Jake and the everything I felt with Edward.

After a moment I found myself kissing him back. He smiled against my lips and pushed me back into the wall, pressing his body flush with mine. His hands tightly gripped my hips and slid south, just barely grazing over my ass.

I reached up and twisted my fingers through his hair, distracted for the slightest moment that it wasn't as long as I was used to. I allowed myself to really let go and lightly ran my tongue along his bottom lip. He groaned and pushed his hips into mine, ducking away from my lips and placing light kisses along my jaw.

I looked behind us and saw all eyes at our table were focused on us. Quil and Embry started cheering obnoxiously and Leah held her usual glare.

"You wanna go outside with me?" I whispered.

He nodded and spun around, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the crowd. He led me out of the bar and around to the side of the building, where my truck was the lonely occupant of that parking lot.

He pressed me up against the side of the building and instantly pressed his lips back to mine. His hands ghosted along my sides and down my legs before he grabbed them and pulled them up around his waist.

I whimpered as he palmed his hands over my breasts and arched myself towards him. He reached for the hem of my shirt and ducked his hand underneath, rubbing small circles on my stomach.

I jumped as I felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket.

"Don't answer it…" He pleaded against my lips.

I ignored my vibrating butt until it did it again. Something felt off.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "Just give me one minute okay?" I untangled myself from him and pulled out my phone, not bothering to look at the caller I.D. "Hello?" I ran my fingers through my hair and tried to catch my breath.

"Bella?" Rosalie said. She sounded pissed…or upset.

"Rose? What's wrong?"

"It's Edward."

The panic started to rise in my throat as I gently pushed Seth away and took a few steps.

"What do you mean? Is he okay? Is he hurt?" I asked.

"No but he will be if he doesn't stop acting like he is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm going to kill him."

I sighed and pulled my hair over my shoulder as I leaned back against my truck.

"Why are you calling me?" I asked.

"Well I have two reasons actually. First of all his attitude problem…is through the roof. Like imagine what it was like before and times that by a thousand. And when he's not bitching he's so fucking emo that I feel depressed just being around him."

"And why is this my problem?" I tried to sound uninterested, but I was. I didn't expect him to be like that and I didn't really understand it.

"Because we all know it's because of you and I think that there's something you should know."

"Okay fine."

"Edward told me everything that happened that night…with Tanya."

"I don't want to hear this Rose. Please." I fought back the tears starting to form. I wasn't interested in hearing all the raunchy details and honestly it made me wonder why she was really calling.

"No you need to hear it. He told me that she tried to hit on him, even tried to kiss him when they were out in the lobby but he pushed her away and went looking for you. And that you found…things in his jacket pocket."

"And?"

"And I know exactly what those things were because I found them right before the French Open."

"I don't understand."

"A condom wrapper and a red lacy thong with cherry shaped beads hanging from the front right?"

"Yeah."

"I found those after one of his romps at the French Open…in that same pocket. I shoved them back in because I didn't want to get a disease and told him to take care of it. He was supposed to take that jacket in to get it dry cleaned but is it really that surprising that he didn't do what I told him to?"

"Rosalie do you honestly expect me to believe that?"

"Do you honestly think those skanky panties would show up twice? That would be so incredibly Twilight Zone Bella" She sighed. "And that's beside the point. He wasn't lying to you. He's in love with you and he wouldn't cheat on you sweetie. I know when he's lying to me. I know I can be a bitch and I know he's an asshole but we have an understanding. I don't put up with his shit. How do you think I knew about you two?"

"I thought you just figured it out."

"Well I had my suspicions, I'll be honest. And when I confronted him about it he tried to lie and I saw right through it. It's like I can see his Pinocchio nose growing whenever he lies."

I felt the tears starting to spill down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away.

"I'm not saying he's an angel Bella, but I know him. He's different with you than he's been with anyone and I honestly miss that. So can you just…call him or something? He's going crazy without you."

"Has he been with…anyone else?"

"I don't think so. He locks himself in his room every night so I don't think he's been with anybody but himself if you know what I mean. And even that's questionable. He's been way too irritable lately." She sighed. "Bella I have to go, but please just…think about it."

"Okay I will," I mumbled.

"And one more thing…."

"Yeah."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

I hung up and leaned my head back against my truck.

"Is everything okay?" Seth came up beside me.

"I'm sorry. I need to go home." This was a mistake. Seth was a nice guy but this was a mistake.

"Okay well you've had too much to drink to drive yourself home. I'll call our DD. I'm sure he'd be happy to give you a lift."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. That's what he's there for." He picked up his phone and held it to his ear. "Hey Sam can you come get me and Bella…Yeah Bella Swan. She just needs a ride back to her place." He smiled and hung up.

We waited outside for Sam and Seth didn't try anything, which was nice of him. Not that I thought he was like that, but we'd gone from making out to me looking like I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown so I can't imagine that was normal.

A car eventually pulled up and Seth opened the door for me. I recognized the guy in the driver's seat and the girl sitting beside him.

"Bella I'm sure you remember Sam Ulley," Seth said. "And his fiancée Emily."

"Sure." I nodded. "Thanks for picking us up."

"No problem," Sam said.

I leaned over to Seth. "So the DD that is driving Leah home from the bar is her ex-boyfriend and his current fiancée that is her cousin?" I whispered.

"Yep."

"No wonder she's so pissed all the time."

He laughed and put his arm around my shoulder as we rode home.

Sam and Emily waited in the driveway while Seth walked me up to the door.

"Thanks…for tonight. I'm sorry I kind of whacked out at the end there. I had a really good time," I said.

"No problem. We should do it again."

"Yeah. Definitely." Just because I was maybe going to call Edward didn't mean anything. I could still hang out with Seth. I didn't think I would try kissing him again because after that phonecall I realized just how wrong it was.

He leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek before turning back to the car. I went inside and immediately started pacing around my living room.

I hated this. What if Rosalie was just saying all this because she's on his side? But why would she lie for him, it doesn't benefit her at all. What if she was just sick of his shitty attitude and was willing to do anything to cure it? On the other hand if she was telling the truth then I was an epic douchebag. I told him I was going to trust him and at the first sign of trouble I bailed. It was a pretty extreme circumstance but then again hadn't everything with Edward been kind of extreme? It wasn't very plausible but it was possible. Almost so absurd that it had to be the truth.

I walked down in the basement and found some of the liquor my mother had stored down there. I grabbed the strongest one, even though I probably didn't need any more alcohol, and headed back upstairs. I poured myself a glass and kept staring at my phone.

I wanted to hear his voice, but I didn't know if I could carry a conversation with him. What was I supposed to say? I think you might have been telling the truth and I royally fucked up?

I downed the rest of my glass and picked up my phone. I dialed his number and held the phone up to my ear, my leg bouncing anxiously up and down. It rang a few times and I thought for a moment about just hanging up, but he'd still have a missed call from me. I breathed a sigh of relief when his voicemail picked up. I smiled when I heard his voice and felt the ache in my heart. I miss him.

"Edward…it's me. I was just calling to see how you were. I um…Rosalie called and I just…" I didn't know what else to say. Epic fail of a voicemail. "Fuck!" I screamed, closing my phone. I sat there for a moment before I started upstairs.

I changed into my pajamas and crawled in bed, wiping the tears away from my eyes. I held my phone in front of me and kept flipping it open and closed. I must have fallen asleep with it in my hands because I woke in the middle of the night with it vibrating against my skin.

I blinked a few times, trying to wake myself up, and saw his name across the screen. All the confidence I had earlier was completely gone and I didn't know if I could say anything to him. I took a deep breath, flipped open the phone and held it to my ear.

"Bella?" He said. His voice was low…and sad. Really, really sad.

I didn't say anything but he knew I was there. We just sat there for a long time listening to each other breathing. I had no idea what to say to him or if anything I said would mean anything. So I didn't.

"Baby I miss you so much," he whispered, his voice breaking at the end. I panicked and hung up the phone before I completely broke down. I'm such a fucking coward. I shouldn't have answered the damn phone.

I never went back to sleep. I finally pulled myself out of bed around seven in the morning and went to my makeshift darkroom in the hall closet. Jasper had helped me knock out a few of the shelves, only leaving me with what I needed. It was a little odd to have a walk in closet in a hallway but my mom had always used it to store linens and such. It was dark with no windows so it worked perfectly. My red light was taped to the ceiling and my trays were all scattered around. It was less than ideal but it served its purpose.

I walked over to where I stored my undeveloped film and pulled out the roll I'd been avoiding. I knew they had a ton of pictures of him on it, but I couldn't avoid it anymore. I was going to develop them at some point anyway.

I started developing them, watching his face and his body slowly appear on the film. I winced as I started hanging them up around me and I was suddenly completely surrounded by him. It was suffocating. I turned my light off and quickly left the closet, slamming the door behind me.

I grabbed my phone and headed out on the porch.

"Hello?" Jasper said.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey honey how are you?"

"I'm okay I guess."

"Yeah. What have you been up to? I haven't talked to you all week." I heard him munching on what sounded like chips in the background.

"Not much really. I uh…I went out with Seth and his friends last night."

"Yeah? Did you have fun?"

"I kissed him," I blurted out. "Or I guess he kissed me but I let him and now I don't know what I'm doing." I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed.

"Well that's an interesting development."

"Yeah. Totally unexpected."

"Well what do you think?"

"About what?"

"About the interesting development."

I leaned up against the porch and looked out over the lawn. Even after all this time there were still a few paint spots on the lawn that refused to be washed away by the rain.

"Well I didn't hate it but….Rosalie called in the middle."

"Yeah I had a feeling that would be happening soon. She has to put up with most of his shit since he isn't really talking to Alice."

"Really?"

"Yeah. They're both stubborn you know."

"So has he really been that bad?"

"Honestly yes. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't think it would be good for you."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I don't think he cheated on me," I whispered.

"Welcome to the club."

"It doesn't matter though. I'm still too afraid to face him. I tried to call him last night and left the most awkward voicemail ever, like it would probably win an award or something. And then he called me back in the middle of the night and I didn't say anything."

"Well what did he say?"

"That he missed me."

I could almost see him shrugging at me through the phone.

"Does he still ask you where I am?" I asked.

"Not really. I think he just assumes that you don't want to be found. Is that still true?"

"I don't know. I mean I don't think I'm ready to come back to Seattle yet, but I…I just don't know."

"Listen Bella. I know this thing you two have is complicated, but you'll find each other when you're ready to be found, whether you consciously know it or not."

"Yeah."

"Jasper!" Alice yelled in the background.

"Oh my God Jasper! Has she been there this whole time you were talking to me?"

"Yeah. She says hi."

"I'm sure she did," I said sarcastically.

"No she just got here I'm just kidding."

"You're an ass," I laughed. "But I love you. And thanks for listening. I'll let you go."

"I love you too. I'll talk to you later."

I hung up and headed back inside to make myself something to eat.

I tried not to think about everything, just let it happen like Jasper said, but it was so hard. It was like everything I thought I knew was getting all twisted around and it was making me all disoriented. Why couldn't things just be simple? Why can't two people just be together and be in love without all this extra bullshit? I knew it was all a fairytale concept and no one had a perfect relationship, but this was insane.

I felt my anger slowly starting to fade away each day. It wasn't completely gone because I knew in my heart that he still messed up, but it wasn't as big of a mess as I thought it was originally. All the anger was replaced by the overwhelming love I felt for him. And with the love came the fear. Even though he told me he missed me I was so scared that he didn't want me anymore after everything. I let him down and he'd basically kept up his end of the bargain. It was foolish of me to think we were never going to get tested. And this was like the fucking SAT, the biggest test of them all. I just hoped we would eventually pass with flying colors.

A/N: So Bella is slowly and surely pulling her head out of her ass. And I know a few of you were worried about Seth, there's nothing to worry about. He's genuinely a nice guy and there isn't going to be any shenanigans with him and Bella. He was part of the reason she started the removal of the head from the ass. Our girl may be smart but she's a stubborn cookie and needed something to knock her on her feet. Seth and Rosalie's phone call was the perfect combination. I hope you stick with it. The next chapter will be very rewarding I promise ; )

Please go vote in the outtake poll if you haven't already. I'm leaving it up until Friday so I can hopefully get it written for you guys this weekend.

Thanks for all your responses about my story idea. We'll see if it goes anywhere. I hope it does. I'd be excited to write it someday. Also keep an eye out because my prereader along with some other awesomesauces are working on an author awards site that is fun and unlike any other out there. I'll post any news either here or on my actual profile. You won't want to miss it.