Sushi, this is for you!

"You shouldn't even be here," Kimi sneered, wanting to close the door in his face, yet longing for company a lot more then being vicious. Even if their conversation was negative, she was talking to someone and anyone was good at that point in time. They were keeping her from thinking of herself, her faults, and her regrets. Phil Deville stared back at her not knowing what to say, or why he was even there. He felt like he owed her an explanation for…everything. Why Lil wasn't around? Why they weren't talking anymore? Plus he had desperately wanted to see her in person, up close, because she was human too and the way she was alienated she must've been lonely. He didn't blame her for her insensitive spirit.

"I know."

After standing in the doorway for what felt like an eternity, Kimi stepped aside and allowed Phil to enter her house. The outside was cold, and if he wasn't going to leave she might as well let him come in. The first thing Phil looked at was the staircase, and imagined his sister tumbling down the stairs. A chill tingled down his spine. How can she walk up and down these stairs after seeing what happened? Suddenly he averted his gaze in time to see Kimi walk inside the kitchen. She turned on the water faucet and opened the cabinet to get something to quench her thirst. She was feeling really dehydrated lately.

She was about to walk back into the living room with her glass when she jumped, startled to find Phil standing in the doorway. "Damn Phil," she cursed, taking deep breaths. "Don't fucking sneak up on me like that again."

"Sorry," he sincerely apologized. "I just felt out of place in your living room by myself."

"You are out of place. You don't belong here." She paused to swallow gulps of her water, downing the glass as if it was a shot of tequila. She was still thirsty. She was sleepy and her throat was faintly swollen. I must be coming down with something, she silently guessed. Every time she glanced at Phil the hateful feelings she experienced at school came back at full force, and she could envision violently shoving him down the stairs. It was his fault she was in so much distress. He had taken away the one person that she could count on. Now that she didn't have anyone else she depended on Lil's friendship. She couldn't even talk to Lil on the phone because she was misbehaving in treatment and wasn't being granted any privileges. It would be months before she would probably see her again at the rate of recovery she was going. That really sucked. Although Kimi had no reason not to be studying for tests and everything, her grades were falling because of the depression.

"I just wanted to talk to you and explain what's going on."

"I know what the hell is going on! I'm being punished because Lil fell down those stairs even though it was her own damn fault." Kimi thrust her finger in the direction of her staircase. "You know what though Phil? I don't need you, I don't need Tommy, and I don't need anybody at school. Graduation is coming up and then I'm out of here."

"Nobody's trying to teach you a lesson. What we're doing is saving my sister's life. She has anorexia and she needs help."

"Just because Lil was watching what she ate does not mean she has an eating disorder."

"She was in a coma, and not because she fell down some stairs. Her body went into shock. I can't—I just can't explain it to you. You're supposed to understand."

Kimi placed her glass down on a nearby table and stared at Phil. She looked into his eyes searching…searching for that boy she had grown up with. When did things get so complicated? The whole group had always been together without things being so messy. Phil had been a second brother to her. She went from hanging out in a six-person group to lurking around the creation alone. As you got older things were supposed to get easier—you were supposed to be an adult. Yet, the closer Kimi reached the maturing age the more she fell behind.

"The problem is that I don't understand. I don't know why everyone has to be in her case. I don't know why I used to have all of these friends and now everyone's turned their backs on me. I don't know what I'm gonna do, who I'm gonna be, and where will I be tomorrow. You know, I can't control anything."

"Lil's anorexia may be all about control." When that was first suggested Phil was still in disbelief about his sister actually having an ED, but when he checked out symptoms on the internet he realized that Lil was showing a lot of the warning signs. Plus Kimi and Lil were best friends…and Kimi was being awfully defensive about the situation. Could she possibly have anorexia too? Nah, she's not as skinny as Lil is, and she don't wear baggy clothes. Even though she's been acting pretty different she's nothing like how Lil used to be.

"Whatever. I'm just talking." Nonchalantly Kimi sat down on her couch, brought her feet up and crossed her legs. She could feel the pressure from her cuts and experienced a whiff of satisfaction. Playing her role well Kimi changed her tone from vulnerable to friendly, as if the circumstances of Phil's visit were just to borrow her notes. "Why are you here anyway?"

Phil shrugged, standing uncomfortably while wishing Kimi would offer him a seat. "I just came to talk."

"About what?" Kimi hoped that the annoyance she added in her voice would've been detected. She had all of these mixed feelings; she wanted to hurt Phil, but she wanted him to stay. Unlike Tommy, Kimi could never picture herself truly being with Phil. Even at that time, after all that was going on, she would've rather had Tommy in her house again. There was a lot of unfinished business between them. They had gotten into that situation together, and now it appeared as, until everything clicked in Lil's head, nothing happened between them. If Lil hadn't come into my house it would've gone down. Tommy would probably be here right now, and we'd be doing anything but talking.

She was horrified at herself for thinking what she was, but her whole emotions were jumbled up that she couldn't think clearly. Anyone who liked inflicting pain on them must've had something going on. She probably deserved to switch Lil places and wind up in that hospital. There was something wrong with her, and she didn't know how to stop everything from happening. When you're spinning around really fast in one spot, so fast that your hair is in your mouth, chances are that you're gonna crash into something. When was Kimi going to crash? She was sick of being dizzy.

"You. Me. Our relationship. Remember when we were friends?" Phil was sarcastic, yet something about his demeanor touched her. Everything harsh that came out of her mouth was affecting him. Courteously she realized he was only standing up because she still hadn't told him to sit down. He was watching what he was saying; trying not to hurt her like she was hurting him. Like I had hurt everybody. Kimi bit down on her bottom lip, her eyelids slightly stinging, and fought her tears from falling. He was right…they used to be friends. They had all been the best of friends and now these secrets, creeping around, and betrayal was driving her crazy. How could her senior year end so disastrously? Why couldn't someone just get pregnant? At least there would be something to look forward to, no matter how much bad feelings existed.

Kimi nodded. Slowly she inhaled and then exhaled, hoping to end the thoughts rapidly running through her mind. "It wasn't that long ago, was it?"

Phil shook his head. "I just want to know what happened. How did it happen? Why did we let it happen? Right now I just feel so…"

"…helpless?" Kimi finished for him. When he nodded she softly smiled. She understood the feeling. That's what she had been trying to explain to him earlier, but that was a better word for it. For everything.

"Yeah, helpless."

"Lil was too."

"I just don't get Lil. How can she not know what's wrong with her? Her hair was falling out, she has to feel guilty because she was wearing baggy clothes…she was really skinny, her skin was pale, and her eyes were sunk in. She looked like a skeleton. Even now at the hospital she's not eating. She doesn't care that they'll put a feeding tube in her stomach and that she won't go home. She'll miss her own graduation."

"They don't have school for them?" Kimi asked.

"They do schoolwork and stuff so she's still earning her credits, but she won't get to walk down the aisle and that whole memory. Her life is being wasted. She doesn't understand that her falling down the stairs didn't hurt her, but her body basically shut down because she's not eating. She used to be smarter then this."

"Do you cry about it?" Genuinely Kimi was interested. The more she listened to Phil, the more she felt her heart opening up. He loved his sister and he hated what she was doing to herself. They were twins and always had each other's backs, but now he couldn't save her. No matter how estranged they could get, they could feel each other's pain.

Phil shook his head. "What kind of guy do you think I am?" Phil asked her sarcastically. His defenselessness was what Kimi saw and he dropped his front. "I feel guilty. I knew something was wrong with her, but I didn't even ask. I mean…she was just sitting there waiting for Tommy to call, and he was here the whole time. I thought she would just stay home…so I just left. I hate that house. We're not a family. We weren't a family anyway, and now we can't be one until Lil comes back."

"It's not your fault," Kimi assured him. She pat her hand on the couch signaling for him to sit down. He looked relieved and took a seat next to her after she moved over. Then without thinking she reached for his hand and squeezed it. "You had your own thing going on and you're not the only one who noticed it. The bottom line is that Lil did this to herself and nothing we said could've stopped her." She had been serious about this the whole time. She conned me into dieting with her, screwing my own life up. This whole time her intentions were messed up. She lied about the three meals a day…she knew she wasn't going to be eating. She wanted me to look like her. I could look exactly like her right now. Do I?

At first Phil's hand was limp, but then he grasp Kimi's delicate fingers. This therapy felt…nice. Just sitting there in silence was suddenly comforting, because Kimi was once again accepting him for who he was.

"Do I look like her?" Kimi blurted out, interrupting his thoughts.

"Do you look like…?"

"Lil. She can't possibly see how she really looks. Maybe I'm the same way. Tell me."

Her heart pounded as Phil stared at her. He examined her as if he was a hawk, his eyes searching her body as if he were looking for gold. He doesn't want to tell me, Kimi guessed. She looked at her arms…is her skin really this dark or is it sickly pale? Her hands…were they smaller then she thought. Was that why he didn't squeeze them right away? Was that why she was alienated at school? She brought her free hand into her hair and felt the strands. Is my hair this thick, or am I imagining it?

"Am I that bad?" Kimi asked him.

Phil shook his head and leaned forward. Kimi felt powerless, hypnotized by his action. Her breathing increased as Phil said, "You're beautiful." Then, as if she were in some kind of chick-flick, he kissed her.

I really hope you guys liked it. I planned on finishing this a lot sooner then I had, and finally I got it posted after eleven pm. My birthday was on Monday, so as a gift make sure you review! Comment, ideas, just say whatever you feel like. Remember, I still don't know what's going to happen with Kimi romantically, so this kiss may be the worse kiss she's ever had and be a major turn off or Tommy could interrupt the whole rendezvous. Love ya!