It's been three hours since they had left New York. It was late, the roads were dark out and there wasn't a lot of traffic. Puck would take the train the next day since Quinn's car wasn't that big, and because he thought a little quiet time would be best for Santana.
The car ride was mostly silent. Quinn sat in the driver's seat, trying her best not to clench the steering wheel as she drove. She couldn't believe Santana had to go through this, it wasn't fair. Hadn't she been through enough?
Every once in a while she looked to her side to check on Santana, only to find her staring out the window. Even though it was late, Santana was wide awake. Quinn could tell she was blinking back tears but refused to let them fall. She wished Santana wouldn't feel like she'd have to put up a front all the time. But then again, old habits die hard. Quinn wasn't going to push Santana into talking about her mother but she hoped Santana realized Quinn would be there when she would feel the need to.
"You're tired." Santana broke the silence, turning her head slightly to look at Quinn.
Quinn shot her a small smile. "It's fine, I'll catch some sleep when we get there in the morning."
"I can take over."
"Don't, you should get a little rest… It's been a hard night."
Santana swallowed before looking back out the window.
Quinn's heart broke just a little more. Even though Santana didn't shed any tears, there was a certain sadness in her eyes, a certain kind of pain, and it made it nearly impossible for anyone to look at her without cracking under the pressure. But Quinn held her gaze, reaching out her right hand to touch Santana's causing her to look back at Quinn.
"I'm sorry," Quinn said. "I know there's… no way you can get rest with everything that's going on right now… I just hope you know I'm here for you."
Santana sniffed lightly, nodding before she looked away again.
Quinn knew Santana found it hard to look anyone in the eyes at times like this. Maybe it was because she saw pity, maybe she was ashamed, or maybe she felt confronted and it reminded her of everything she wanted to run away from. For a moment, Quinn placed herself in Santana's shoes, wondering how she would deal with all of this. Truth be told, she would run. At least, she would want to. That thought was upsetting to her. Was she a bad person for wanting to run? Was it wrong? Was it inhuman to want to leave when things get too tough? Or did Santana feel the same way? In the end, there is a fine line between wanting to run and actually doing it. Santana probably wanted to run too. But she didn't. She gave up her dreams to take care of her mother, hell, she gave everything up. Her father on the other hand actually ran, leaving his family to clean up the mess he left behind. Fair enough, he didn't know about the heart attack. But that didn't make Quinn hate him any less for doing this to Santana.
"Quinn."
Santana's voice interrupted Quinn from her thoughts. "What is it?"
"Thanks… for coming."
"Of course…" Quinn said softly, though there was still a hint of surprise in her expression. Did Santana think Quinn would even hesitate to stand by her side? Of course she would come. However many times Santana still showed doubt, Quinn would keep proving to her that she wasn't going anywhere until Santana would get it through her damn head.
A few weeks ago, Quinn believed Santana was simply stubborn, and that was why she didn't want to be around Quinn. Now Quinn came to realize it was more than that. Santana was scared. She was so afraid to lose it all, and that was something Quinn could relate to. That invisible shield, the façade, those walls, there are a thousand things to call it; it's not something that is consciously made. It just grows with every blow fate delivers. It's an instinct, it's your mind taking natural precautions. After spending this time with Santana and getting to know her and everything that's happened, Quinn understood. She knew why Santana struggled to trust her and although earning that trust seemed like an impossible task, she wasn't going to give up.
Quinn Fabray does not give up.
"I don't want to talk about that," Santana suddenly mumbled, a subtle yet bitter laugh escaping her lips. "That's what my abuela said on the phone when I brought up how I feel about girls."
"I'm sorry…" Quinn whispered, not knowing what else to say.
"You know a small part of me believed that maybe she came around. I should've known nothing's changed."
"Maybe it'll just take a little more time," Quinn tried to comfort, though she couldn't help but feel resentment towards the woman.
Santana let out humorless chuckle. "Maybe."
Quinn sighed, finding it hard to comfort Santana when her words would only contradict her own thoughts. "You said she offered to pay for your mom's surgery… I guess it's a step."
Santana didn't respond, she kept looking out the window even though there was nothing to see in the dark.
Quinn felt stupid for saying it. Sure Santana's abuela tried, but right now it didn't mean much. Her mother was in a coma, only God could fix this. Silently, Quinn said a little prayer.
"You said you were dropping out of college… why?" Santana asked after a while, catching Quinn a little off guard.
Quinn sat upright, throwing Santana a quick glance before looking back out on the road. She knew Santana could use some distraction, and that was something Quinn could offer. "I just… I needed a fresh start. I'm such a mess at CU… I just felt like I needed to make a change."
Santana nodded. "So what are you gonna do?"
"I was thinking I could take a year off… Take some acting classes, maybe." Quinn smiled to herself. "I don't know. Maybe I'll try applying to Julliard, or NYU… I can do anything I want, you know?"
Even Santana managed a small smile now. "You're Quinn Fabray. Everything's possible for you."
Quinn couldn't help but blush a little. It still felt odd whenever Santana complimented her considering their history, but it was for that very reason that Quinn appreciated it even more. "That goes for you too. You know that right?"
Santana forced a smile in response, choosing not to answer.
"Hey," Quinn continued, getting back Santana's attention. "Maybe right now the timing isn't right, but… you will get the chance to live your dreams, whatever they are. I promise."
"How can you promise something like that?" Santana asked with a frown.
Quinn smiled. "Because you're Santana Lopez."
Santana couldn't help but laugh a little. "Damn right…" she mumbled softly before looking away.
"If… if it weren't for your mom… What would you be doing right now?" Quinn asked, genuinely wondering about Santana's dreams. She'd never really given it much thought, but then again, Santana probably hadn't either.
A moment of silence passed, as Santana allowed herself to think about it for the first time.
"I… I don't know," she finally admitted. "I haven't really let my mind go there."
"You used to say you wanted to go to New York," Quinn tried to encourage.
"I did…" Santana sighed. "I do," she corrected.
"But?"
"But I never really had… a dream, you know."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not like Rachel who's wanted to be on broadway ever since she was two years old… Or Mike, who's always wanted to be a dancer… I'm not like that. I guess I always wanted to be famous, but thanks to Britt I know that's not my only goal…" She arched her eyebrows, surely remembering the time that Brittany made that sex tape.
"You could focus on your singing… or dancing. Or you could become an actress." Quinn smiled. "You could even go to law school, or med school."
Santana quirked an eyebrow. "Med school?"
"Or law school. You'd look pretty hot in a suit or one of those sexy skirts," Quinn tried to tease, earning herself a timid smile from Santana. "I'm just saying, you're smart, you can do whatever you want. You don't have to know right now, it's okay to take some time to figure things out."
"I guess," Santana shrugged.
Quinn offered her a sympathetic smile.
Suddenly Santana was startled by the sound of her phone buzzing off the dashboard. Quinn caught Santana's hands slightly trembling as she reached for it. Maybe there was an update on mrs. Lopez' condition… which could be for the better, or the worse. Quinn watched Santana brace herself as she unlocked the screen.
"Who is it?" Quinn asked carefully.
Santana sighed, almost in relief. "It's Puck." She tilted the screen slightly so Quinn could scan the message.
2:12 PUCK: Do I need to bring some more clothes from the apartment tomorrow? Just thought since you were in a rush and all… Hang in there, love you, Puck.
"Can't believe he's still up," Quinn said.
"He's worried."
Quinn nodded in understanding. She hadn't even considered how Puck must've felt when she told him Santana's mom was in a coma. He put up a brave face – much like Santana – but it must've hit him. He'd been spending a lot of time with mrs. Lopez lately, of course he'd grown attached to the woman.
"Can I ask you something?" Quinn wondered.
"What is it…" Santana spoke absentmindedly, typing out a response to Puck's message.
"How did Puck… How did he end up…"
Santana looked up. "You mean how did Puck end up staying with my mom?"
Quinn nodded. "Yeah…"
"It was kind of a coincidence, actually… I was staying with my mom, and one time when I went to get some food at the hospital I ran into Puck."
Quinn cocked an eyebrow. "What was he doing in the hospital?"
"Some drunk kid fell off the balcony at one of his parties, broke his arm or something. Puck came with him and that's how I bumped into him," Santana explained.
"Typical," Quinn mumbled before encouraging Santana to continue.
"He asked why I was there but before I could answer… he noticed my mom laying in the hospital bed through the window… He came in with me, and I guess for some weird unknown reason he connected with my mom." Santana frowned to herself, as if it still had her puzzled. "I left to get coffee which I forgot, and when I came back they were playing some stupid boardgame."
Quinn watched Santana's lips curve upwards at the memory. "That's kind of sweet."
"Yeah…" Santana nodded faintly, quickly wiping a tear from her eyes before it got the chance to fall. "When I left for New York I asked him to keep an eye on my mom… He was the only person who wasn't scared of her," Santana said with a dry chuckle.
"Like mother like daughter huh…"
Santana managed a smile as Quinn lightly squeezed her hand as if to comfort her.
After a moment of silence, Santana finally spoke. "I know I thanked you before… but I'm really glad you're with me…"
"Me too," Quinn whispered softly. She knew it was hard for Santana to admit her feelings, so Quinn would take it all to heart.
Finally, at the crack of dawn, they were greeted by the sign:
Welcome to the Lima community
Even with the few breaks they'd taken, Quinn had nearly fallen asleep during the ride. But she managed to keep her eyes open whenever she just took a moment to look at Santana, and remembered why they had to get to Lima.
Not too long after they reached the hospital. When Quinn pulled over at the parking lot Santana remained seated, continuing to stare out the window as if they never stopped.
Quinn put up one hand to touch Santana's cheek, causing her to break out of her dazed state. "You can do this."
Santana shook her head, feeling a lump form in her throat. "What if I can't?"
"You'll have me to support you."
Santana looked back outside to the entrance of the hospital building before letting out another shaky breath. "I'm scared, Q… I'm terrified…"
Quinn leaned forward from her seat, gently connecting her lips with Santana's. When their lips parted, their faces remained close to each other. Santana rested her forehead against Quinn's, clenching her eyes shut. Quinn watched a tear finally roll down Santana's cheek, so she quickly wiped it away before pulling Santana in for an embrace. Santana held on for dear life.
"It's gonna be okay…" Quinn whispered softly, while saying another silent prayer.
Song / Chapter Title: Dance by Rebecca & Fiona