She laughed when he fell off the treadmill, but she made him get back on, saying something along the lines of, "We've gotta get ya back into shape, Homeschool. You've really let yourself go. And what happened to Red and Fruitcake? I thought I had them on the other…" She stopped abruptly and put her hands on her hips, just watching him for a moment. Finally she said, "You run like a girl."

He slipped then, falling backwards and sliding right off the end; he sat there on the floor and looked back at her. "Aw, c'mon, homes," he protested.

"Up on your feet now, Homeschool. You've got ten minutes to go. Chop, chop."

He dragged himself back up, muttering, "Yo, The Zeke does not run like a girl."

"No," Eva said, starting to grin, "he runs like a lady. An elderly lady in a big, dumb dress. Now back onto the treadmill. C'mon, Homeschool."

Ezekiel glared at her, folded his arms, then slumped against the wall. That made her tip up the right side of her brow.

"Are you throwing a temper tantrum on me?"

"Well, I just don't get why this is really fair, eh? I mean, e'erytime I say somethin' like that, you go and try stranglin' me, but it's okay whenyou're the one sayin' bad stuff 'bout girls?"

She stared at him with a look he knew well: The look that said Holy freaking cow, Homeschool, you're less intelligent than that dumb Goldilocks girl.

"You really don't know anything about the real world, do you, Homeschool? It's like this: It's okay for a guy to insult another guy, and it's okay for a girl to insult another girl. It's okay for a girl to insult a guy, but if a guy insults a girl, then that'd make him a sexist. That's the way it works."

"But that ain't fair, homie," he protested, shrinking further against the wall as she took a slight step closer to him.

"Tough break. I didn't make the rules. I just follow 'em 'cuz they favor me. Now are you gonna get back on the treadmill or not?"

"I-"

"I'll give you a hint- you don't have a choice, ya tubby pussycat. And from now on, no more ice cream for breakfast."

At the 'pussycat' part, Ezekiel flung his arms out in front of him, palms upturned, shoulders lifted high, imitating something he had once seen Noah do in a sort of See, that's exactly what I mean kind of way. But he wasn't about to back out now and so he did what he was told.

The whirr of the treadmill and the thumping of his frantic feet filled his ears. Beneath the noise he heard Eva say, "Why are you such a little misogynist anyway, Homeschool?"

"What?" He went spilling a third time, slamming face-first into the belt. He scrambled up quickly, spluttering, "What'd ya just call me?"

"I just asked why you hate girls so much. Yeesh."

Ezekiel stared at her a moment more, fingers trembling, then scoffed and turned his head away. "I don't hate girls. I just… doon't like 'em very much is all, eh."

"I can see that for myself, Homeschool. Just thought I'd bother asking why. No need to bite my head off over it. Your accent's slipping again."

"Well… just think that you're one to talk, seein' as you-"

"I would suggest you stop that sentence right there."

"Tch… Well, The Zeke is done with this… running machinery gadget thing now, eh. He's goin' back out to the pool."

"To fail at flirting with that backstabbing Bass girl."

Ezekiel didn't know much about slang, but he did know what flirting was, and hearing Eva say that to his face almost kind of sort of… hurt. Was he that obvious? And yet Bridgette still hadn't caught on, either to encourage him or to chase him off? He put his hand on the doorknob, but Eva leaned against the wood then, holding it firmly shut while she stared at him, arms folded. He held her gaze for about six seconds before her lips began to twitch. She snorted once, then started cracking out in laughter.

"Aw, don't bother denying it, Homeschool. We've all seen you. Our scrawny little sexist pining after a girl. Who would a' thought?"

"I ne'er tried denyin' it. Not like Coourtney and that one Dustin guy she keeps goin' on about." Ezekiel put his forehead to the door and sighed. "Bri'gette is real special. She's the kinda girl who'd try savin' ya from a stampede a' horses, eh?"

"Huh. After what happened yesterday, I thought we already established that she isn't into you." She put a hand on his shoulder and shoved him backwards. "Get over yourself, Homeschool."

"Eva, homie," he said, turning to her and clasping his hands together, "you're a girl."

"Really? What was your first clue?"

"Ya've gotta help me out, homes. What should The Zeke do to get her a' like him?"

"You're asking me for romantic advice? In case you haven't noticed, Homeschool, aside from my" - here she made airquotes - "husband Fruitcake, I'm not exactly on friendly terms with any of the guys here at this dump."

Well, beggers couldn't be choosers.

…

It turned out that working chocolate into casual conversation was a lot harder than Ezekiel would have guessed.

"Are you sure 'bout this, homes?"

"Come on, Homeschool. Everyone loves candy. Even I am a fan of Three Musketeers. Even snarky, hard-headed, black-hearted, sarcastic Fruitcake melts at the sight of candy corn- you saw him. All you've gotta do is figure out what she likes, and then get it for her. Easy. Now hurry up, before you lose your chance and make me try to bail you out again."

He sighed. "Well, uh… How does The Zeke look now, eh?"

"Dumb. Like usual." She slapped his hands when he tried to readjust his toque for the third time in two minutes. "Just go out there and talk to her already, Homeschool. Turn on the charm, wait for the signal, and if it's good then go for it and if it's bad then bail. I'll be over here to watch. Now, get hustling. I don't have all day. And look, Pigtails and Creampuff are over there next to her. They'll be able to back you up. And if all else fails, act like Fruitcake. She seems to get along with him well enough. Just don't screw up. That's the most important part."

Ezekiel took the chair beside Katie and Sadie, waiting for a break in their conversation with Bridgette. He started by asking her what she liked most about Playa Des Losers, and as expected she answered 'The great food'. But before he could convince her to elaborate on that, she moved on, talking about how she'd also missed all her old friends who had been voted off, and that it was great to get to spend time with them again, especially Courtney, who was a great and understanding friend, and Harold, whom she'd never had a chance to thank for saving her from plunging into a pool of eels, and DJ, whom she compared to a marshmallow, and even Noah, for being so cool about her accidentally smacking him in the face with a dodgeball when he wasn't even on the court.

Then he tried leaving, and he came back a few minutes later with a paper plate loaded down with fruit, chips, and half a sandwich, and told Bridgette that sandwiches reminded him of how they'd become friends. She agreed, and even teased him about how she hoped his food was peanut-free. With a bit of quick-thinking and some help on Katie's part, Ezekiel carefully guided the conversation towards peanut-free candy, but Sadie - and he could have sworn she did it intentionally just to spite him - started rambling on about how her sister Cindy had a peanut allergy, which had first been discovered when she and Katie had made cookies for her.

"Oh my gosh, I totally remember that! That was like, so sad… And you know what else was so sad? When Cindy dropped her wedding ring down that grate and-"

"Oh yeah! And that reminds me of that time that Zeke here got his arm stuck in the pool filter-"

"Oh my gosh, you told me about that! I wish I could have been there to see that!"

"Yeah, but you were sick, remember? Just like that one time on that camping trip to that mountain place-"

"I totally threw up everywhere, didn't I? I'm still so mad that you stayed behind to babysit me instead of going out sledding."

This was going nowhere.

Ezekiel waved Cody over to their little group, as the other boy's face was smeared in chocolate and his arms were heavily loaded down with candy bars. While Katie and Sadie were gushing on, he tried convincing Cody to share his candy with the three of them. A bit of a slapping fight broke out when Cody refused, and Bridgette did not seem impressed as she watched them. Not good.

But eventually he did managed to wheedle her favorite candy out her: Peanut Butter Cups.

And, well… now he was in trouble.

…

"Aw man, The Zeke really ain't so sure 'bout this. I mean, thanks a' that Coody eatin' nearly all the candy we had. And then Trent says Owen is prob'ly likely a' still have some stuffed 'neath his bed back at the cabins… walkin' through the dangerous forest… And on top a' all that, The Zekehas a peanut allergy!"

"You do realize that if you say that again I'm going to have to consider killing you, right, Zeke?" Justin didn't even glance up from his mirror as he said it, only tilted it back and forth in his hands, catching the sunlight as they walked through the trees. "Have you ever listened to someone repeat themself for the fourth time in, what's it been now, ten minutes? It can make you get very angry very fast, and anger is really killer on the face. Ouch."

"Tch. You're only helpin' me with this 'cuz ya wanna get away from Katie'n Sadie, eh? Ya've always got girls fallin' over ya. You don't get what it's like for the rest a' us."

"It was either help pathetic homeschooled kid succeed with deadly stealth mission or spend yet another few hours with those two picking through my hair. It shouldn't be that hard to figure out, Zeke."

He twitched his nose. "Well, I just think that we should've tried harder at gettin' Eva to come along with us too, yo. She and Noah were real good with the ropes when we were on the roof, and tryin' a' rescue Harold shouldn't be so different'n rescuin' some candy, eh? 'Least I wouldn't be worryin' 'bout runnin' into anotha big ol' angry moose, and watchin' her make goo-ga eyes at ya and tryin' a' pretend like she wasn't might've e'en been helpful too." Justin said nothing, and a moment later Ezekiel gave a groan. "Aw man, The Zeke really ain't so sure 'bout this."

"Cinq, Zeke. Don't make this the cinqeth time you've repeated yourself since we've been out here, okay?"

Ezekiel slouch-walked after Justin, and when he couldn't take the silence anymore he finally said, "How d'ya do it, eh? Get all the girls a' like ya? Will ya teach me?"

Justin chuckled. "What can I say? I'm naturally this good-looking. It's almost ridiculous, really. Check out these muscles. Huh, see? See me flex? Now watch when I flex this way."

"Yeah… okay, homes."

"Y'know, maybe if you tried acting a little more like moi, you could actually become more than just another one of these sad rejects." Justin swung his arm around Ezekiel's shoulders, showing Ezekiel his mirror so that he could see the two of them. "You and I could even form a bit of an… alliance, if you would."

"But, uh, the competish is kinda o'er now, homie. Y'know, The Zeke was the first one out, and all…"

"Zeke, come on, work with me here. You're my little buddy, remember? I'll tell you what. I help you win over your girl, you pay me back someday with a teensy, weensy little favor. What do you say to that, huh?"

Ezekiel never had the chance to respond, because as he was watching Justin rubbing his cheek and admiring his reflection in the mirror, a certain someone ninja-rolled out from behind a tree and came up on her knees. She shot Justin in the shoulder with her tranquilizer gun before he could react, and he went down with a gasp and a moan of pain.

"… Whoops," she said, pressing a hand to her mouth.

Ezekiel instantly threw his hands into the air to cover his face, yelling, "Izzy, don't shoot The Zeke, eh!"

"Zeke?" She lit up. "Hey, Zeke! Wow, funny meeting you out here! What are the odds of that, am I right? Hey, are you really Zeke, or just, like, an alien clone of him? How cool would that be, right? Oh, oh, this one time I got abducted by aliens-" Izzy grabbed him by the neck, put him in a headlock, yanked off his hat, took a fistful of his hair, and gave it a few careful sniffs before she finally let him go. "Nope, nope! You're the real thing all right."

"Uh, Iz-"

"Hey, if you're the real Zeke, what are you doing out here, like, in the forest and stuff? 'Cuz this is still the same foresty island, isn't it? Of course it is! I couldn't have just, like, walked right off the edge of the island or something without even noticing, heh heh…" She had her elbow on his shoulder, and she was laughing and slapping her leg. Her closeness was now making him feel very uncomfortable. "Imagine walking right off the edge of an island and, like, falling into a bottomless pit of nothingness… Oh, that would be great, I would so pay to see that, heh heh, that would be so great. Hey, shouldn't you be back at the You-Know-Where that I'm not supposed to mention to the others and stuff, Chris's gag orders and all?"

He pushed her arm away, mainly her hand as it was pointing the tranquilizer gun dangerously close to his face. "Uh… right. Well, uh, The Zekewas just- Yo, shouldn't ya be tryin' a' do somethin' with Justin now? Like, I dunno…check and be sure he ain't dead?"

"Aw, him," Izzy said, blowing a raspberry and rolling her eyes. "I am so over that guy, no matter how hot he is. I even hooked up with Owen! Well, sort of. I'm kinda considering breaking up with him after the whole Owen-shoves-Izzy-into-the-psycho-killer thing, but, y'know, who can really stay mad at that big boy, huh? Plus, today alone I've already shot, like, Chef and Heather with this here baby too, and they're both gonna be just fine. You know, once their… paralysis wears off and everything."

They both looked down at the unconscious Justin.

"Uh, right. Izzy, homes, The Zeke's gotta go now, so…"

"Go? But you just got here! You can't go right now- I haven't finished catching you up on all the cool things that've happened to me since I came back here! I'd take you back to camp with me and, like, show you around, but Chris'd pro'lly freak if he caught you there. What was that thing he said that one time when I, like, tried bringing back Trent so he could see Gwen after that whole awkward kissing-Heather thing? Too bad that didn't really work out, 'cuz I'm sure her reaction would've been so awesome. Oh yeah." Laughing and snorting, Izzy raised her arms above her head and growled out, "'The campers and audience aren't supposed to know that you rejects are still hanging around on the other side of the island, so even though watching you take down that bear to save Trent was wicked cool, we have to leave it out in the final cuts'."

"O… kay?"

"Yeah, so even if something, like, totally awesome happened, like if aliens suddenly showed up and turned Justin here into a giant cheeseburger and then we ate him, no one would ever know, and I guess this whole conversation we're having right now won't make it in either. Sad, huh?" Izzy sighed happily and rested one hand against her face, staring up at the sky. "Yeah…"

"So, uh…" He scratched his elbow. "D'ya have a challenge ya need a' get back to or somethin'? 'Cuz The Zeke could use a favor if you doon't. See, he really needs ta get some Reese's Peanut Butter cups, and he's allergic, so-"

Izzy flung her arms around him, yanked him close, and kissed him for a soft five or so seconds, lips snuggling together like the pages of a book; Ezekiel was much too stunned to react even after she let him go. She snatched up her tranquilizer gun and ran off into the trees cackling, "How d'ya like that, Chris? Izzy just made out with a guy who wasn't Owen, and you can't show it in your final cuts, so now no one will ever know, ha ha ha ha ha! Sit tight, Zekey! I'll be right back with those Peanut Cups you want!"

"… Aw, shoot."

After four hours of anxious pacing and watching for predators and scattering angry gophers and rejecting everything that Izzy brought him, Ezekiel at last trudged back into Playa Des Losers, dragging a half-paralyzed but conscious Justin behind him. After delivering his companion safely to the infirmary, Ezekiel searched out Bridgette near the hot tub and tossed the plastic-bag-wrapped Peanut Butter Cups at her feet. Izzy had, at last, managed to bring him some, and she hinted that an ATV and a snake were involved. He didn't ask. He'd had enough.

"Here ya go, Bri'gette," he said, collapsing face-down into the nearest pool chair. "You've got no idea what The Zeke had a' go through to get these for ya, eh?"