A/N: Yep, I'm back! This chapter and the next, which should be making an appearance very soon once I polish it a bit, have been sitting on my hard drive in unpolished form for 2 whole years. A lot of life has happened to me in that time- classes, graduation, and 2 unsuccessful applications to medical school- but I promised myself when I first started this fic that this time I'd actually see it through to the end no matter what happened. Once I let myself get out of the habit of writing regularly, it was hard to get back in, but I've come too far and invested too much in this story not to try to finish.

Carth Onasi had never hated the Ebon Hawk as much as he did now. They were still two days out from Manaan and everywhere he went on the ship, her slanted brown eyes stared back at him—if not in body, then in spirit. The cockpit? It was there they had sat the morning after their escape from Taris… there he'd first told her about Morgana. The common room? It was there they had eaten breakfast in the morning. Most days, those minutes before the rest of the crew woke up were their only time alone. The medical bay? It was there he'd spent a seemingly endless night fighting to keep her alive after she was ambushed on Korriban. Thoughts of that night inevitably called to mind the scene on the Yavin station two days later. They had been so confident then in their feelings for each other. Both of them would have sworn that only death could part them. They had been utterly wrong, but all those moments still burned in his mind like they were just last night, tainted now by three simple words, one terrible truth that had torn his world apart and spun it hard to port just when she had begun to put it back together. Andra is Revan. The same hands that had held him and wiped away his tears as he mourned the loss of his family were the very hands that had taken them from him in the first place.

Even though a full day had passed since Saul had first told him, a part of him was still in denial. On the one hand, it explained too many things not to be true. I was right all along. I was right about everything. On the other hand, it was hard to imagine the Andra he knew as a ruthless Sith Lord at the head of a conquering army. Even when she and Juhani were posing as prospective students at the Sith Academy, she still risked blowing her cover to stand up for a group of hopefuls that were being bullied by one of the students. His treacherous mind remembered the rest of that particular encounter, however. She threatened to kill the Sith if he didn't stop, and she would've done it, too. With the image in his mind of her standing in front of Shaardan, hand gripping the hilt of her lightsaber and deadly rage in her eyes, it was much easier to believe she had once been the mastermind behind a war which had killed billions. And yet his mind still refused to believe that he had kissed the lips which had once convinced Saul Karath to betray the Republic he fought for. He couldn't possibly have fallen in love with such a despicable person, right? Morgana, I'm sorry. I should have listened to my instincts when they told me this was too neat to be simple coincidence. A few months ago, he might have taken a certain amount of satisfaction in saying, "I told you so." Now he just felt sick. His gut twisted so violently that even the sight or smell of food repulsed him. One death was far too merciful for that bastard Saul Karath. But he was just the messenger. He was the only one who had told Carth the truth when everyone else was lying. She had lied to him... or had she? She hadn't known; of that much, he was certain. He could see it in her eyes when Malak finally confronted her with the truth. And yet it didn't make it any less her fault... right? He couldn't decide what he wanted to do: shoot her, shoot himself... space them both? One thing was for sure: he needed to shoot something. With a frustrated sigh he stood up from his bunk and went to find Canderous.

"Yeah? What do you want, Republic?" The Mandalorian's expression soured from its usual unfriendly state to one of outright hostility when he saw the pilot standing there.

"What are you getting mad at me for?"

"You accused Revan of things that aren't true. Everyone knows it was Malak who gave the order to attack Telos; you can't blame her for that. And she has done nothing so far to prove herself untrustworthy."

"Don't tell me you're taking her side. I figured if anyone on this ship was going to agree with me, it would be you. Have you forgotten she's the reason your people lost the Mandalorian Wars?"

"You thought that because your Republic has never understood us. We only wanted the challenge of the battle and the glory we would get from it. Win or lose, as long as the battle is worthy, honor is gained. And there was no worthier opponent than Revan. To fight by her side now is glory any Mandalorian would gladly risk their life for."

"Fine, whatever," Carth muttered. "I didn't come here to refight the Mandalorian Wars anyway. I've seen you practicing with your blaster carbine sometimes during these long hyperspace trips and I was wondering if you could help me set up something so I can get some practice."

"Looking to distract yourself from your problems with Andra?" Canderous asked with a knowing smirk. "Maybe there's more Mandalorian in you than I thought. HK-47 can probably adapt the simulator programs he's been using for me to fit your style."

The droid was only too happy to comply, and within the hour the commander was standing in the cargo hold, which had been transformed by holographic illusion into an excellent likeness of a street in Manaan's Ahto City, complete with Sith troopers firing from behind the cover of archways. He tried to lose himself in the fight, to focus all his attention on the false enemies in front of him rather than the true enemy in the women's quarters just a few meters away. No, she's not my enemy… is she? "I am not going to betray you," she had promised him, but how could he be certain? Only a fool would actually admit they were planning to betray someone to that person's face. True, after spending the past few months almost constantly in her company, he knew her well enough to see the absolute sincerity on her face when she had spoken… he shook his head to clear his thoughts and snapped off a hasty pair of shots at a trooper that leaned too far out of cover. But the reflective faceplate in a metallic silver helmet was too much like another mask, blood-red peering out from under the hood of a dark cloak. And the face under that mask…

"HK, could you change the parameters on the simulation so the enemies are not Sith troopers?"

"Objection: Sith are the most likely enemy we will face on Manaan. Simulated combat against them would be the most helpful—"

"Just do it, please." The simulated environment faded to once again become the cargo bay of a medium-sized freighter. After a minute of tinkering, it returned, but instead of Sith troopers, the enemies were Selkath, Manaan's native species. "Thank you, HK." Forcing his turbulent thoughts behind the walls he had become so good at building over the last two years, he sighted along the barrel of his heavy blaster for another shot.

After half an hour of such exercise, Carth's body was tired enough that he was half-certain he would fall asleep where he stood, but his turbulent thoughts still roiled just under the surface.

"Trying to avoid your problems isn't going to make things any better," a quiet voice observed.

The pilot jumped, stifling a startled oath. "How long have you been standing there, Jolee?"

"Never mind that. Can't you see your misplaced anger is killing you both?"

"I'm fine, and last I checked, A—Revan was still very much alive too, despite Malak's best efforts to change that." The small catch in his voice when he said her name betrayed him, however.

Jolee raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Sure you are; that's why you've spent the last half an hour working so hard that you look almost ready to collapse. As for Andra, you're right, but I didn't mean physically. Since you turned on her, it's like she died inside. She goes through the motions because she has to, because she feels responsible for everything that's happened, but her heart isn't in it."

Carth met the Jedi's gaze defiantly. "Well, she is responsible. I don't know how the rest of you manage to just forget that, but I certainly can't—" A flash of anger crossed the hermit's face and the pilot flinched and tried to look away, but the intensity of Jolee's glare kept him pinned as surely as if he were being physically restrained.

"Hate is of the dark side, Carth. Worse, you risk dragging her down with you. I don't think I need to remind you what the stakes are should she fall again." The commander shuddered eloquently in response. "That's what I thought. She needs you. I just hope you come to your senses before it's too late." The old man turned to go, for once looking every day of his 60 years and more. Carth let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and stayed just long enough to clean his blasters before following.

As he passed the engine room, he saw a familiar figure seated against the hyperdrive, eyes closed in meditation. It was a pose he had seen many times before, but this time there was a subtle tension in her body that marred the peaceful aura she normally exuded. A pang of guilt swept through him, together with a longing to hold her in his arms like so many times before and tell her it would be alright. But it wasn't, and the old days were gone forever. The truth was out now. Watching her there, he tried to convince himself that he hated her, tried to picture her clad in the dark red armor and cloak, face covered in her trademark Mandalorian mask. He tried to summon the righteous fury he had felt kneeling in the ruins of what once was his home holding his wife as she slowly slipped away and when he had nearly died on his own son's lightsaber blade, all because of the woman in front of him right now. But another memory intruded. Again he heard his own words sitting in the med bay in the station over Yavin. You have a lot of courage, and the fact that you've remained strong even on Korriban is amazing, but I worry that you might just be setting yourself up for that much harder of a fall. Because there's something the Jedi aren't telling us. Something important.

"I can't protect you from everything that's going to come, but I can be there to face it with you" he murmured. Though the words were barely more than a whisper, evidently she heard him because she raised her eyes.

"Carth?"

He stood there a moment longer, torn with indecision, until the proximity warning alarm began blaring through the ship and he fled to the cockpit to prepare for their arrival at Manaan, leaving a pair of very confused light brown eyes staring after him.