Dudley's mum and dad winced as they walked through the barrier with him. Dudley was a little worried to find that he didn't mind the barrier as much as he should; it was unnatural, and he was accepting it! Spending so much time with freaks was the worst!

"I'll write to you every day, and send as many sweets as you like," his mum sobbed on him.

"I know you can do it, son," his dad said while clapping him on the shoulder.

"But I don't WANT to!" Dudley said, making a last ditch effort to get them to take him back home where he belonged.

"We don't want you to go either, Sweetums," his mum cried as she pulled him in for a hug. "But it seems like we have no choice!"

"Now where'd that ruddy boy run off to," his dad said as he scanned the platform. There was no sign of Harry anywhere.

"He probably ran off as soon as we let him out of our sight," Dudley's mum said venomously. "It's just like him to be lazy and not offer to help us - after all we've done for him!"

The train was leaving very soon, so they hurried over to get Dudley's trunk on.

"Listen son, I've stuck my old Smelting stick into your trunk," his dad said hurriedly as his mum smoothed his hair. "If any of them give you any trouble, why don't you give them a whack and see if they still think muggles are weak!"

"I will," Dudley said. He could just imagine going at the Slytherins now! Harry and Malfoy wouldn't know what hit them!

The train's whistle blew and Dudley reluctantly got on board. He could see his parents standing on the platform, waving him off - he could just jump off! Right now! Then he couldn't go to Hogwarts! But no, the train was picking up speed too quickly, and he missed his chance. They had passed out of the station and his parents were gone.

Dudley grouchily began to walk down the train looking for an empty spot where people would leave him alone to sulk, but everywhere seemed to be full already. He'd seen Ron with Dean and Seamus, but they had glared at him and told him to find somewhere else. After a few minutes with no luck, he barged into a compartment of first years and told them that he was sitting there, or else. They wisely didn't put up a fight and sat around in awkward silence.

Not an hour into the train ride, Malfoy found him and barged into the compartment, Crabbe and Goyle standing menacingly behind him as always.

"Well isn't this rich," Malfoy said. "Sitting with first years - you're such a loser that even the other mudbloods won't be seen with you!"

"Shut it Malfoy!" Dudley said.

"Or what," Malfoy jeered. "We outnumber you, and you hardly know which side of the wand is which!"

"Just you wait 'til we get to Hogwarts," Dudley threatened, dreaming of getting a whack at Malfoy with his Smelting stick.

"Like that will change anything," Malfoy scoffed. "I've heard that even the blood traitor Weasley hates your guts! Face it, even Longbottom could take you!"

Dudley growled in anger, his hands clenched into fists. He was about to take a go at Malfoy regardless of not having the upper hand when a prefect patrol showed up and the Slytherins beat it.

After that, the first years squished as far away from Dudley as they could and whispered amongst themselves. It suited Dudley just fine - he didn't want to talk to them anyways!

When they got to Hogwarts they thankfully didn't have to ride the boats again. Instead, there were carriages waiting to pull them to the castle. Of course they weren't normal carriages (not that anyone used carriages anymore! Why was the wizarding world so stuck in the past!) - they moved without needing horses. Dudley wrinkled his nose and gingerly stepped into an empty carriage, half expecting something horrible to happen as soon as he touched it. Nothing did, and soon he was back at Hogwarts.

As soon as he walked into the Great Hall, he noticed that Harry was already sitting at the Slytherin table. How had he gotten in so fast? Dudley had rushed to get off the train, and hadn't seen him at all since before crossing the barrier! He caught Harry's eye and glared at him, but Harry only sent him a cheerful wave and a cheeky smile that made Dudley want to fetch the Smelting stick and whack him in the middle of the hall with everyone looking! But his stick was still in his trunk, along with his stupid wand and everything else unnatural he was forced to use.

Dudley sat at the table and waited impatiently for the feast to start. The rest of the Gryffindor's slowly trickled in and found their seats. Ron sat far away from him with Dean and Seamus, so Dudley was left next to the losers Hermione and Neville.

"Hey Dudley, why wasn't Harry on the train?" Hermione asked.

"He was on the train, stupid," Dudley replied. "How else would he be here? He came to the station with me!"

"No he wasn't," Neville argued. "We looked all over for him, but couldn't find him!"

"Maybe he didn't want to be seen with such a l-l-loser," Dudley taunted.

Neville flushed. "Harry's not like that!"

"Yeah!" Hermione agreed. "He said he was excited to see us in his letters! You're just lying again. You know, Ron was telling everyone how you lied about Harry. It's a terrible habit, lying."

"Ron overreacted," Dudley said. "And then Harry must've tricked him, otherwise we'd have made up by now." Dudley wasn't entirely sure that was the truth, but Harry had walked Ron home from the park, according to his mum, so it seemed likely.

"He said you shoved him over and turned his ankle," Neville said. "And he said that Harry doesn't get his way at all - he has to do lots of chores, but you never have to do anything."

"Ron's lying!" Dudley said. "Harry ruins everything, so he only has to do chores as punishment."

Hermione made a disbelieving sound and Dudley was about to reply when Dumbledore stood up to make the welcoming announcement. Dudley tuned out, as he did the year before. He tried to guess which of the first years would go into which house during the sorting to amuse himself. Hufflepuff's were easiest, he decided. They had the stupidest looks on their faces, like Neville had last year. Neville should be in Hufflepuff with the rest of the wimps, Dudley joked to himself.

Finally all of the students had been sorted and it was almost time for food! Dumbledore made the same announcements as last year, without the bit about the third floor corridor being off-limits, then introduced Lockhart, the ponce who had been so excited to see Harry during the book signing. Dudley already knew that he hated that man. Anyone who thought having their picture taken with Harry was a good idea immediately got into his bad books! Besides, did he honestly expect them to read all of the books he had assigned? Even Mr. Minton hadn't made Harry read that much during his remedial lessons!

With all of the boring announcements out of the way, Dumbledore clapped his hands and the tables were suddenly laden with a feast. This year, Dudley was prepared for the ghosts. He piled his plate full of food as soon as it appeared so there was less chance that Nearly-Headless Nick would walk through it and get ghost ectospasm or whatever the goop ghosts left behind was called in everything. Neville and Hermione tried to talk to him a bit more about Harry, but a few forkfuls of mashed potato flicked in their faces was enough to get them to ignore him as well.

After dinner, Dudley made his way to the common room and tried to figure out how he was going to survive this semester. Ron was being an arsehole and trying to turn all of the guys in the house against him, so it looked like this year was going to be even worse than last year! Hermione and Neville would talk to him, but only because they wanted to know about Harry, which was even worse than being ignored.

At least this year he wouldn't have to worry so much about forcing Harry to help him with his homework. Mr. Minton had made it clear that Harry wasn't as smart as everyone thought he was supposed to be, and besides, he just had to do well enough to pass so he wouldn't have to repeat a year! Even Ron got decent grades without studying too much, so how hard would it be?

As it turned out, second year was much harder than first year. They professors expected you to remember every stupid little detail from the year before! It was so bad that Hermione had actually taken pity on him and was trying to help him study. Pathetic!

Charms and Transfiguration were particularly bad. Both Flitwick and McGonagall expected them to have a list of rules and theories memorized so they could 'build up from the basics'. On the other hand, History and Astronomy were as boring as ever, and Potions and Herbology were easy enough if you followed the instructions. Snape was horrible to the Gryffindors, but he was even more horrible to Harry which made the class bearable.

Then there was Defense. Lockhart was a terrible teacher, even Dudley could see that! Instead of teaching anything during their first class, he had released a cage full of little blue things called pixies. They had completely wrecked the room, hung Neville up by the candelabra, and even thrown Lockhart's wand out the window when his spell to stop them did nothing at all! The class had only been saved by the bell ringing so they could escape. Later, Hermione had been ecstatic about gaining hands-on experience. Everyone sane was hoping that he would never give them hands-on experiences again and go back to telling them stories like he did in the books. Stories were safe. There was nothing unnatural about telling a story, even if the subject matter was completely freakish - Dudley could pretend that it was make-believe.

But he wouldn't have to worry about that until next week. For now, it was the weekend so there was nothing to do but relax! The only problem was that the rest of the Gryffindor guys in his year still wouldn't hang out with him! Dudley was fed up. It was time to sort things out!

Dean and Seamus were playing exploding snap in the common room after breakfast. Dudley walked over and sat down. If he didn't ask, they couldn't say no, and besides, Ron wasn't there.

"Hey, we're in the middle of a game," Seamus said as Dudley reached for some cards.

"So? People can join in the middle of a game," Dudley said.

"No they can't," Dean said.

"Since when?" Dudley said. He'd seen plenty of people join in the middle of games before!

Dean and Seamus looked at each other. "Since this summer," Seamus said. "Official new rule!"

"There's no such rule," Dudley said.

"There is," Dean insisted. "So you can't play."

"Fine, deal me in the next hand then," Dudley said.

"We were going to go outside after this," Seamus said quickly.

"Right," Dean said. "It'd be a shame to waste such a nice day sitting inside!"

Dudley narrowed his eyes. He bet they were lying!

"Ron's been lying about me and Harry, you know," he said as casually as he could.

"About what?" Dean asked. "You being a bully? Potter being treated badly?"

"I'm not a bully," Dudley insisted.

"Right," Seamus said sarcastically. "You make Potter do your homework, you always call Hermione names and pull her hair, and you push around anyone smaller than you and you're not a bully?"

"I'm not! I don't make Harry do my homework anymore, and you think Hermione's annoying too."

"Sure, she's an annoying know-it-all," Seamus agreed, "but that's why we don't hang out with her."

"My mum says that if you can't say anything nice, you shouldn't say anything at all," Dean pitched in. "That's why if I don't like someone, I don't talk to them."

"So if you don't mind, we'd rather not talk to you," Seamus said and turned back to his cards which had started smoking alarmingly.

"Well I think it's bullying to ignore someone," Dudley snapped.

"Then you don't know the definition of bullying!" Dean said. Just then, the cards in his hands exploded. "Look, you've ruined our game now, so why don't you just leave us alone?"

Dudley stomped off in a huff. Ron was obviously turning everyone against him! Well, Dudley wasn't going to sit by and let him. He grabbed his dad's Smelting sick from his trunk and stormed off to find Ron. If he wasn't with Dean and Seamus, where would he be? Probably not inside on a nice day like this, so Dudley walked down to the castle grounds.

He caught a glimpse of orange hair from behind a tree. Was that Ron? No. It was his younger sister, Ginny. She was scribbling in a diary while a blonde girl with no shoes on made a flower crown beside her. Still, she might know where Ron was.

"Hey, Weasley," Dudley said as he walked over. "D'you know where Ron is?"

"No, why would I bother keeping track of Ron?" she said. "Besides, even if I did know, I wouldn't tell you. He doesn't like you."

"Did you know that you have a terrible wrackspurt infestation?" the barefoot blonde girl said in an airy voice. She was peering at him intently through a pair of funny glasses. "They must be making your head incredibly foggy. You ought not to do anything rash, you know."

Ginny rolled her eyes.

"I'm not infested with anything," Dudley I replied automatically, but just to be safe, he asked, "What's a wrackspurt?"

"They're invisible creatures, so you wouldn't even know - not unless you have a pair of Spectrespecs." She tapped on her funny glasses meaningfully. "They float in through your ears and make your brain go all fuzzy."

"What!" Dudley exclaimed. He started waving his hands around his ears. Ginny and the blonde girl began to giggle.

"You can't get rid of them that way," the blonde said.

Dudley flushed angrily. "You better not be lying to me!"

"She's not lying," Ginny giggled. "But you really shouldn't worry - most people don't believe in wrackspurts."

"My daddy says that you shouldn't disbelieve something just because you can't prove it exists," the blonde said.

"You know who believes in things that don't exist? Loonies! You're Loony even for a witch," Dudley declared.

"My name is Luna, actually, but that's a common mistake people at Hogwarts seem to make," Luna said.

"Don't call her Loony," Ginny said sharply.

"Or what?" Dudley asked. "You couldn't take me!"

"I'll hex you!" Ginny said.

"I'd like to see you try," Dudley replied.

"You don't have to hex anyone for my benefit," Luna said to Ginny. "It's just a name."

"See! Loony is too wimpy to even care!" Dudley said.

"THAT'S IT!" Ginny yelled. She shouted out some spell that Dudley didn't recognize, and the next thing he knew, bats made of bogeys were crawling out of his nose!

"AAAAGGGHHH!" he yelled. "MAKE THEM STOP!"

"LEAVE US ALONE OR I'LL HEX YOU AGAIN," Ginny yelled right back.

Dudley tried whacking at the bat bogeys with his Smelting stick. He batted one away with a sickening squishy sound, causing most of his precious stick to get covered in slime.

"Your whole family is mental!" he cried as he rushed away.

"Look! That cloud is shaped like a thestral!" he heard Luna telling Ginny as he ran away. There was something seriously wrong with that girl - with both of them really. It seemed like all of the Weasleys were completely mental! It was a good thing he'd stopped being friends with Ron before any of their freakishness rubbed off on him!

Dudley wandered around outside for a while longer. There were plenty of people about, but he saw no sign of Ron. He checked his watch and frowned. It was nearly lunch - his stomach growled loudly as he thought of food. Ron would be at lunch, of course; like Dudley, Ron wasn't one to miss a meal, but Dudley didn't want to confront Ron in front of everyone. Ron'd probably get them all on his side and make Dudley look like the bad guy somehow!

He sighed loudly. He could always ignore Ron over lunch and try again before dinner. But wait! There was someone with orange hair coming out of Hagrid's hut! Right, Dudley had forgotten that Ron had become somewhat friendly with the terrifying man after he helped them solve the mystery of the third floor corridor the year before. Dudley rushed forward to intercept Ron on his way back to the castle.

"Dudley? What do you want!" Ron said when he first noticed him.

"Like you don't -" Dudley paused to breath heavily, "- like you don't know! You made everyone in Gryffindor hate me!"

"I didn't do anything but tell them the truth," Ron spat. "You need to get it through your thick skull - people don't like you because you're a bully! And nothing I say is going to change that one way or the other!"

"Dean and Seamus were fine with me last year," Dudley said. "And this year they won't even play snap with me!"

"They tolerated you last year because you were friends with me! Don't you get? Nobody liked you then but me, so now nobody likes you!"

"You're making that up," Dudley blustered.

"I don't really care whether you believe me or not," Ron said. "I'm going to get lunch - I'm starved."

Ron turned his back and began to walk past Dudley to the castle.

"YOU MADE HOGWARTS EVEN WORSE!" Dudley exploded. "I HATE YOU!"

"What the -" Ron started to turn as Dudley threw himself at him, but he was too slow. Dudley swung the Smelting stick as hard as he could at hit Ron in the arm with a loud SMACK.

"Bloody hell!" Ron cursed. "That hurt! Leave me alone! Slugulus Erecto!"

A jet of green light sprang from Ron's wand and hit Dudley. Nothing seemed to happen for a moment, so Dudley tried to taunt Ron for not even being able to cast a spell right, but when he opened his mouth he belched loudly and several large slugs fell out onto his shirt!

Dudley tried to scream, but even that was cut short as he belched again and vomited out more slugs. Ron clutched his injured arm to his chest and ran off to the castle, leaving Dudley alone on the path.

He couldn't help it - he started to cry. Nothing was going right! His dad said that Smelting sticks helped build character, but nobody here understood that. Dudley wouldn't have been nearly as upset if Ron had simply smacked him back, but no, he had to use freaky magic.

The walk up to the castle took a really long time since Dudley had to stop every few steps to spit slugs out of his mouth. He was late for lunch, but he couldn't be seen like this! He made his way to the hospital wing instead.

"Mr. Dursley," Madam Pomfrey said with a frown. "I was told you might be coming."

"What!" Dudley said in surprise. "Ron -" he stopped to cough out a mouthful of slugs "- told on me?"

"Mr. Weasley came in here a little while ago with a large welt on his left arm. It was swelling so badly I was worried it was broken," Madam Pomfrey said. "Hand me your stick, please."

"No!" Dudley said. "It's mine!"

"It's a health hazard is what it is. I will give it to your head of house, and she can decide what to do with it."

She completely ignored his further complaints, sent his stick across the room with a flick of her wand, and took him further into the hospital wing, vanishing the slugs he left on the floor as they went. She looked around in a small cabinet, then handed him a piece of treacle fudge. "Here, eat this."

Dudley was baffled. Why would the school nurse be giving him fudge? The slugs coming out of his mouth had thoroughly ruined his appetite so he stood staring at the fudge in confusion for a few moments.

"Eat," Madam Pomfrey commanded impatiently. "I have other students to attend to."

In between mouthfuls of slugs Dudley managed to force the fudge down his throat. Amazingly, that seemed to stop the slugs! Dudley didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry - not only was there a spell that could make you vomit slugs, but it seemed like the cure was treacle fudge! The whole thing was completely daft.

"There, all better," said Madam Pomfrey. "Now you are to go to professor McGonagall's office immediately after lunch."

"What! Why?" Dudley demanded.

"Fighting is strictly forbidden at Hogwarts," Madam Pomfrey said. "Or had you forgotten… again?"

"Ron started it," Dudley said. This wasn't fair!

"It's not me you have to convince," Madam Pomfrey said. "Now you have dallied here long enough. Out!"

She herded Dudley out of the hospital wing, deaf to his protests, and sent him off saying "If you don't hurry you'll miss lunch."

She was right. Lunch was almost over, and now that he wasn't belching up slugs anymore, Dudley was feeling rather peckish again. He ate as quickly as he could, ignoring the glares Ron, Dean, and Seamus were sending his way. Ron was sporting a bandage on his arm where Dudley had hit him and was pointing in Dudley's direction whenever anyone asked about it. Dudley glared at his plate and ate as quickly as he could.

After lunch, he slowly walked towards professor McGonagall's office. Thanks to Ron telling, he was sure to get detention. He just hoped it wasn't with Filch, or even worse, Hagrid!

"Enter," professor McGonagall said when he knocked on the door.

"What is he doing here?" Dudley said when he noticed Ron sitting across from her desk.

"Mr. Weasley is here for the same reason you are. Fighting is strictly forbidden at Hogwarts, as I have told you both before. Well? What have you got to say for yourselves?"

"Dudley attacked me!" Ron said. "He came up to me when I was coming to lunch from Hagrid's and accused me of turning Dean and Seamus against him, then hit me with his bloody stick when my back was turned!"

"Language, Mr. Weasley," professor McGonagall said. She turned to Dudley. "Is this true?"

"He made everyone in Gryffindor hate me!" Dudley said. "And he cursed me to vomit slugs!"

"Yes, we will get to that, but that is not what I asked you," professor McGonagall said. "Did you, or did you not hit Mr. Weasley with this stick?"

She pulled out the Smelting stick and placed it onto her desk. It had been cleaned since Madam Pomfrey confiscated it and was no longer covered in bat bogey slime.

"That's my dad's Smelting stick," Dudley said. "You can't take it!"

"Did you hit Mr. Weasley?" the professor repeated.

"Fine, yes, I hit him, but he deserved it! I told you, he's making everyone hate me!" Dudley said.

"I'm not making anyone hate you!" Ron said. "You're doing that yourself!"

"That's enough from both of you!" professor McGonagall said. Her lips were pressed into a very thin line. "Mr. Dursley, I'm taking 15 points from Gryffindor for starting a fight and confiscating your stick until you prove that you are mature enough to get it back. Mr. Weasley, you are also losing 10 points for hexing another student."

"It was self-defence!" Ron protested.

"Enough!" professor McGonagall said. "Additionally, both of you will serve detention with professor Lockhart tomorrow afternoon. All of your professors have noticed your antagonistic behaviour towards each other, and I am warning you right now that it must stop immediately! Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes ma'am," Ron grumbled. Dudley glared sullenly at his hands and mumbled something along the same lines.

"Very well then, you may leave. But remember, the consequences will be more severe if you continue this behaviour!"

"Whatever," Dudley mumbled as he filed out of the office after Ron. He was going to write his father immediately. Surely they would have to let him come home if they heard how mean everyone was being!