I like my woman like my coffee
The truth is, I don't have much of a opinion on the company that I have. Sure, I don't have much choice, but I can tolerate a lot from many kinds of people. People, mind you. Time-traveling dicks, enigmatic espers and alien monsters are not welcome. Unfortunately, I find a new exception every day. I don't really remember much from the time I spent with her, because I was a completely different person back then. I guess that the way friends drift apart after a long time is the phenomenon I am trying to describe.
I would like to think that I have considerable free will, but maybe I'm the same as Koizumi, Asahina, and Nagato. I can imagine it with disturbing clarity. She would be bored if everyone listened to what she had to say, so she would look for a reasonable person that was perfectly mundane to appreciate everything that she did. There are a lot of theories about the ability of Haruhi, but I haven't heard one about my presence in her exclusive circle. Chance? Coincidence? I suppose that I'll have to be satisfied with those answers for now.
In that disappearance of hers, I never encountered Sasaki or any of those unique people that follow her, even that sneering bastard. To my understanding, the IDE didn't even know the name of their opposing organization at the time. How would Nagato know to remove them? Unless the existence of Haruhi implies a Sasaki. Did Nagato take more then we know? Sasaki, without perfect proof, I think, wouldn't believe this nonsense in the first place. I surely wouldn't.
Thoughts like these ran through my mind as I sat down and waited for my order to finish cooking. My sister was fiddling with her cellphone, occasionally giving out a muted gasp and brief bursts of frantic typing. I watched Sasaki out of the corner of my eye, wondering what exactly was she doing here. She seemed equally as bored as I was, staring at the rising steam from the kitchen.
"Get caught doing something?" I turned around. She was right behind me, staring at my sister. "I've never seen you here before this late."
I was uncomfortable talking with her, for many reasons. One was that I had the creeping feeling that Haruhi was watching me at all times. It isn't paranoid when people are actually out to get you. Another was it was too convenient to meet her like this, here, of all places.
"Cat got your tongue?" She sat down next to me, her shoulder leaning against mine. "You don't have to say anything. If I'm causing you any trouble I can leave, you know."
"Brother, is this your new girlfriend?" My sister picked a very bad time to speak up. Her eyes sparkled, waiting for a answer.
"When you think about it, little girl, isn't love a series of complicated chemical reactions in your brain?" Sasaki said.
"Kyon has too many girls. All of his friends complain about it."
I frowned. How much did my sister know? I'd better walk carefully around her.
"If that is true, somehow your brother must have a evolutionary trait that makes him attractive to them. Do you see it?"
"Eww! That's disgusting. Kyon is as ugly as they come." My sister giggled. Am I really that ugly?
"It's because you are related to him. People who grow up together, even adopted children, will not be attracted to them because they are family. It's a evolutionary measure to encourage greater diversity."
"Sasaki, do you like Kyon?" My sister stopped clicking and stared at me. Don't look at me like that!
"That's a hard question to answer." Sasaki laughed. "Love, or attraction, is nothing more then biologically enforced monogamy. When a woman captures a man in this fashion, she wants to keep him for herself. When a man captures a woman in this fashion, he wants to keep more woman to maximize his genetic impact."
"You use complicated words. What did you just say?" My sister was getting bored.
"He's gathering a harem to have children. Consciously, he may not realize this. His unconscious is guiding him to adapt to each and every girl friend he meets."
"So, you're a girlfriend?" My sister was bored and confused. A bad combination. Now that I look at it this way, she's just as weird as people say.
"I really don't believe that a person's unconscious would do that." I said. "Besides, wouldn't a lingering father ensure the survivability of the offspring?"
She ignored me. "People like oversexualizing things. I'm simply a girl who happens to be his friend." I don't know what definition of 'friend' you are using.
"Kyon has boys who are his friends. Does that mean that Koizumi is his boyfriend?" My sister was typing on her phone with a renewed frenzy. Who was she talking to that was so interesting?
"I suppose so." She turned to me. "I never figured you out to be a gigolo. Is your sister telling the truth?"
No! No! Definitely not!
"Don't let it get to you. I was just pushing some buttons. Tell me, why did we drift apart after all this time?"
"I once believed reverently in espers, time travelers, and aliens. Do you remember?" I said.
"That can't be the only reason. The important question is why does the existence of espers, time travelers, and aliens depend on your belief in them?" She looked impatiently at the kitchen.
"Well, young people believe in Santa Claus, even in Japan. There is an age when people don't quite believe that he exists, but do so anyway to get the presents. It's exactly like questioning God when he's your next door neighbour."
"How so?"
"It's a nagging disbelief that refuses to go away, despite evidence to the contrary. When you see the obvious existence of presents, and your parents tell you it comes from a white man with a fluffy beard, you believe them. It doesn't matter if you believe or not, presents still come every year. Did you ever believe in Santa, Sasaki?" I said.
"I never did," she said. "I found it incredulous that such a man would have the power to observe every single child on the planet. Such an evil man gave more to the poor then the rich, refused to give gifts to adults and lived in his secret base in the polar ice caps. I refused every present that my parents would give me on that day for a long time."
"That seems strange." I checked the time. What was taking them so long? "If someone gave me a gift, I wouldn't question where it came from. I would just take it, especially when I was young."
"You can't eliminate all doubt in any situation." She said. "Especially in ours. We could be having a mass hallucination, or products of each others imagination."
"So you don't believe that Haruhi has a collection of a esper, a time traveler, a alien and you have a collection of a esper, a time traveler, and a alien?"
"It hasn't been proven beyond a reasonable doubt." She said. She looked rather uncomfortable. "But the evidence is compelling. Using your analogy, those phantom organizations that we use strange and arcane language to describe, like Santa, could be fictions created by something far more mundane. The existence of their powers is no proof of what they say they are is true."
"Isn't there a point where scepticism becomes hostile to any new ideas?"
"The power of frauds, montebanks, and magic is in the mystery. Until something is explained fully we can't take half-truths and rationalizations as theory." Her face warmed up. "I like you. Your point of view is refreshing. We should talk more often."
So direct..! "What is taking our orders so long?" I made a desperate attempt to change the conversation.
"What do you think of love, Kyon?" Sasaki asked. "I've never gotten a satisfactory answer."
I've never experienced it myself. Are you confusing it with lust?
"Love is a euphemism, not a true emotion." she said. "Depression, anger, pain, all of these are shared by humans and can be measured. When people say they 'fall in love' they are actually talking about their attraction to the ideal of love. That's the reason why those romantic films get so much money."
"Have you ever felt this emotion? Asking me is a waste of time, you know. I don't love anyone, or like anyone in the way you are implying."
"If I took drugs or similar mind-altering substances, and I told you I loved you, would you believe me?"
"Of course not."
"Love is like that. It's a high. It causes people to behave irrationally, to waste money, to commit murder."
"So what you are saying is that people in love aren't capable of telling anyone they are in love?"
"Exactly! Only when the high cools off does the rational part of the brain asserts itself. That's the reason there are so many divorces – once the high ends they realize the reality of things."
"Just because the brain gives you a happy feeling doesn't mean it isn't real. People can have genuine good feeling about each other on a intellectual basis."
"If you consider the biological side of things, the body is attracted to all sorts of things. It doesn't mean I slavishly try to satisfy every desire. I'm not looking for love. I don't need a cheap high. Brains have universally addictive personalities. Why ruin a life with love? Why ruin a life with heroin? Might as well say the same thing!"
"Sorry for taking so long." Kimidori floated over and the wafting smell of hot, spicy food was a long lost sensation. Mostly because I only had to pay for one girl here. Food smells better when the stench of poverty doesn't accompany it.
As I ate slowly and watched my sister eat with the manners of a hippopotamus, I began to think about what Sasaki said. Talking with her was... unique. She spoke just as purposely as Koizumi, but with a hundred times more sincerity. She was polite as Asahina, but just as expressive as Haruhi. She speaks, I think, with the knowledge that she is right. And she is. A rational person would certainly know what she says, even if they didn't have the words to express it.
She doesn't even expect anything from anyone she meets. For as far as I've known her, she hasn't asked for anything or lived off someone else. On the same token, she hasn't given anything, either. That behaviour makes her look strange, which gives her the absence of friends or enemies. I think that she prefers it that way as well.
I was the last one to finish eating, her words rolling around in my head. I didn't really have an opinion about it. I suppose it made me impressionable, susceptible to a plausible-sounding explanation, but it let me have a open mind. The SOS brigade was a collection of something closer then friends. Something more intimate, more close. Nothing like the love she described. The correct word would be 'comrade' or 'teammate', but I feel like I'm grasping at the word without reaching it.
Whatever this nameless quality is called, it's a degree of professionalism and closeness that lets us tolerate the grind of working under her and feel defensive when we are attacked. Nationalism would be a better fit, but despite her wishes I doubt that the brigade will become a organization comparable to a country. A wilful leader would indicate a cult of personality, but she didn't have a gathering of peons before I met her.
Ahh! I don't know. I'll have to accept that Haruhi has once again defied any means of classification. My sister was impatiently waiting to go, and I stood up to leave. She immediately dashed out of the door and started to run home, her green jacket reflecting the streetlights.
I started to walk home, and I began to think of what I could possibly dig up that had value to Haruhi. I would ask for help in these sorts of situations, but I think she would know if I did do so. I entertained the thought of visiting Nagato and asking her for a pretty bauble, but my common sense squashed it to the ground. She was behaving strangely, and I didn't want to aggravate whatever she had.
No, I had to find something precious to her, and quickly. Whatever money I had wasn't enough, clearly. I mentally tallied my things of worth, my game console, my computer, my clothing. Nothing that would save me. I felt like a peasant. Who gives Haruhi these ideas? Give me a name and I'll strangle the person. I gloomily walked up the steps of my house. I was greeted by my impatient sister jumping up and down, staring at the ceiling. Tired, and a little irritated that she managed to blackmail me, I kicked off my boots and started to walk to my room when she grabbed my ankles. I dragged her across the carpet, her weight insufficient to slow me.
"Brother, I need your help! I need your help!" she said.
"Can't this wait? Can you get mom or dad to do it?" I was loathe to involve them. They would make me help her.
"Look up there!" She pointed at the ceiling. I didn't see anything.
"Are you deliberately trying to waste my time?" I was seriously annoyed. I've humoured her for the entire day.
"I need something from up there!" She pointed again. "From the attic!"
I didn't even know we had one. I looked a little closer. It was cleverly hidden, and unless you were actively looking for it you would never notice it was there. I reached up and groped for a latch. My sister let go of my legs, having received my full attention.
The ceiling folded upwards and there was, indeed, a attic space. Why didn't my parents ever tell me this? Did they tell her things they don't tell me? Spoiled youngest sibling, indeed.
"What do you need?" I pulled a chair under the hole.
"My kimono! I want to go up there!" She jumped on the chair. I eased her off.
"I'm going up there. Don't you dare follow me. I'll be back in a bit." She made a disappointed sound and stopped trying to get back on the chair. I hoisted my torso up the entrance, the chair barely giving me enough clearance to get into. The entire attic was extremely dusty, but her kimono was in easy reach, wrapped in its protective plastic. But I wasn't here only for that. Chances were that I could pass off one of my dad's projects as a 'rare and interesting' item.
I reached out and the ceiling creaked from my shifting weight.
"Kyon! What are you doing?" My sister yelled. "Did you find it?"
I gritted my teeth. "Can you get me a flashlight?" I said. "I can hardly see in here." She scampered off and I was left to darkness and silence. I pulled out my cell phone and its weak backlight gave me room to see. Like a Japanese home, the attic was proportionally sized. I stood up, only to hit my head on the ceiling. I turned around, the creaking sound making me more and more nervous. There isn't anything here that wasn't boxed. I went to grab her kimono when I saw a gleam of light coming from right beside it.
It was a a mirror placed next to a silk bag. A letter was glued to the back of the mirror. I took both objects down with the kimono to my impatient sister. She eagerly took away her precious clothing and dashed away to her room. I was left to my own devices with two strange objects.
The bag did not open, despite my every effort. I looked at the mirror, and it was a cheap one, probably bought from a convenience store. The letter, on the other hand, looked old and stained. I thought about it for a minute, and then I opened it. It read:
Dear Kyon,
Please give the bag to Haruhi Suzumiya tomorrow.
Oh, and this is the only letter, so don't worry about finding any others.
Sincerely,
Mikuru Asahina :)