Hi guys, I'm back.
Sorry it took so long but work, the kids and everything...
I hope you're still with me.
R & R !
Home sweet home
As doctors we really learn to know the meaning of this word: home.
Strange things happen at home…
We sense it, we feel it even if we are dying, even if we are blind.
Home is a sixth sense, it's an addiction.
Richard enters his office, he closes the door behind his back and sets his hat on the hanger. He stops suddenly realizing someone was asleep on his couch and is now waking up. A frown appears on his face.
Richard: Derek? (Derek sits on the couch rubbing his eyes)
Derek: sorry… I fell asleep here
Richard: were you waiting for me? (he sits on the chair in front of the couch)
Derek: no.. I just… (he gives Richard a quick look and then turns his eyes away)
Richard: are you ok? (Derek simply breaths out without breaking the silence, Richard goes to his desk and picks up the phone). Patricia… could you bring me two black coffees and a danish? Thank you (he puts the receiver down and comes back sitting on the chair)
Derek: you're very nice, chief. But it's not necessary (he stands up but Richard pushes him back on the couch)
Richard: just stay here, ok? You don't need to talk if you don't want (there's a knock to the door and Richard opens it, he takes the trailer and sets it on the table in front of Derek. He pours him a cup of coffee. Sheperd takes it, Richard can't help but noticing his shaking hand and the uncertain way he brings the cup to his lips)
Derek: I couldn't go home
Richard: you slept here all night? (Derek just nods and Richard sinks in his chair). You look scared…
Derek: I panicked. Something… (he rakes a hand through his hair)
Richard: do you want me to call Meredith? (Derek's eyes cast down and he shakes his head) What happened? (Derek sets the cup on the table and stands up, he goes towards the window rubbing his eyes)
Derek: I don't know. I had a flash back and…. (he shakes his head and looks down. Richard swallows and stands up)
Richard: Derek… I respect you and I talk to you like I'd talk to my son if I had one
Derek: but?
Richard: I feel like you're running. You've been facing all this running. Why don't you just take some time?
Derek: what do you mean?
Richard: your world stopped that day. Your certainties blew up. You were hurt, you felt betrayed. You close the universe out. You left this place. Are you sure this is good for you? (Derek raises his look to Richard)
Derek: is this about work?
Richard: it's about you. You belong to hospitals, to your patient, to your OR. And I don't think that moping in your trailer can help you go through this (Derek takes another quick glance at the room and then goes away)
Mark is at the nurses station drinking a coffee. Bailey is there too. Owen walks in front of them, a dark bruise on his forehead. A frown paints on Miranda's face, she follows his steps setting her pen in the pocket of her labcoat.
Bailey: what the hell is wrong with all the male doctors of this hospital?
Mark: nothing is wrong. Just Yang. I knew she was a kick ass type. Poor Hunt…
Bailey: so you draw sex profiles of your co workers?
Mark: don't need that (he picks up his chart and looks down at her). Everyone has sexual DNA written on the face.
Bailey: so? (a wondering frown appears on her face)
Mark: what?
Bailey: what is mine?
Mark: you don't have sexual DNA.
Bailey: what?
Mark: you're Bailey. You are over rules, over my thinking. You're the Nazi. Can't think of your attitudes (his pager beeps). I gotta go (he makes a step to go away when Meredith appears behind his back)
Meredith: doctor Sloan… (he turns around)
Mark: doctor Grey… What can I do for you?
Meredith: have you seen Derek? I've been calling him since yesterday night but he didn't pick up the phone. I'm worried (he breaths out and takes her to a waiting area)
Mark: I brought him here last night. He wanted to do something but… (he shrugs)
Meredith: was he fine?
Mark: physically, he was. But he looked upset.
Meredith: and where is he now?
Mark: I don't know. I tried to convince him to go to my place but he didn't hear reasons. He stayed here in some OC room. I haven't seen him around this morning.
Meredith: so… I have to worry
Bailey: maybe not (Meredith looks up to her, she follows her eyes and notices Derek entering a toilet, Richard behind him)
Teddy enters the attending lounge and notices Arizona making stretching.
Teddy: hey (she pours herself a cup of coffee and sits on the couch)
Arizona: hey (she makes a grimace)
Teddy: does your back hurts?
Arizona: yes, it's killing me
Teddy: don't say anything. I was told getting older surgery would become tiring. I'd never imagined like that. I started attending a health club two months ago (Arizona sinks on the sofa).
Arizona: it's not surgery. It was sleeping on this damned couch (Teddy turns to look at her)
Teddy: where you on call?
Arizona: no. Callie kicked me out last night.
Teddy: was it because the fight you had while living?
Arizona: yes (she is rubbing her temple and Teddy looks at her)
Teddy: I don't want to worsen your mood but… you called for it
Arizona: excuse me?
Teddy: you got it. You were wretched. And mean.
Arizona: anything else?
Teddy: you tell me… (Arizona stands up)
Arizona: I think it's the baby's thing. We keep talking about it and I'm not happy of what we've decided. She isn't either. And we just pretend everything is fine.
Teddy: why?
Arizona: as we're afraid to tell what we think.
Teddy: hiding is never the best way to solve matters.
Mark: what matter? (the two women look up to see Mark and Callie entering the room. Callie is taking some coffee and is giving her back to Arizona)
Callie: hi Teddy (she leaves ignoring Arizona. Mark looks at the two of them. Arizona shakes her head and leaves)
Mark: what's going on?
Teddy: lover's quarrel. I'd stay out if I were you.
Mark: I never interfere in other's love life
Teddy: If you say so… (she stands up and leaves too)
Alex, Cristina, Avery and Reed leave the locker room and walk to the nurses station. Alex looks at Cristina who hasn't said a word yet.
Alex: are you ok?
Cristina: why do you care?
Alex: as we're kind of friends?
Cristina: we're not friends. We work together and you live with my best friend.
Alex: who happens to be my friend too
Cristina: so… as you think Meredith's your friend and Meredith and I are friends, the two of us are friends too?
Alex: yes… despite the explanation was a little bit too difficult to listen to…
Avery: it was not difficult. Transitive property (both Cristina and Alex look at him stunned)
Cristina: I've never heard about it…
Avery: it's math.
Cristina: no matter I didn't hear about it then. I've never lost my time with that crap.
Avery: crap? How can you be a doctor if you can't make counts of how many meds give to a patient?
Cristina: there's pocket calculator for that
Avery: do you always go around with it (Cristina stops and takes something from her pocket. She shows it to Avery smiling)?
Cristina: of course
Avery: what if you forget it?
Cristina: impossible
Avery: what if you lose it?
Cristina: I check my pockets every Sunday after the laundry.
Reed: do you make laundry by yourself?
Cristina: I haven't time for that crap.
Avery: so how do you spend your time home?
Cristina: studying. Reading. When Owen doesn't want to watch stupid films on tv (they are close to the nurses station and Reed notices Hunt arriving with a wide band aid on his forehead)
Reed: did he want to see one yesterday?
Cristina: no, thanks God no…
Reed: as he looks like you threw the commander on his face (Cristina looks up and stops just in time not to collide with Bailey who was writing charts. Miranda looks at her)
Bailey: what the hell, Yang. Do I have to set a stop sign ten steps far from me?
Cristina: excuse me, sir.
Bailey: have you already received the chief's memo? (all the guys nod) Ok… so you know what to do (they are starting to walk away). Oh… for the record… there is a new neurosurgeon from today.
Cristina: what?
Bailey: does the Chief need your permission to hire someone?
Cristina: no but…
Bailey: shut up then. Till Sheperd doesn't clear his mind, Doctor Brad will work here. Be nice if you meet him (the residents walk away, Owen makes two steps towards Cristina)
Owen: Cristina… (she turns around)
Cristina: yes Doctor Hunt? (he is surprised to hear her calling him that way, Bailey eyes them too, her brows arching in surprise)
Owen: doctor Hunt?
Cristina: that's your name. What can I do for you?
Owen: I hope you could help me fixing this… (he touches his head)
Cristina: I'm sorry, but I have an appointment scheduled with Dr. Altman in five minutes. See you later (she turns on her heels and goes away. Owen is still looking at her back when he hears Bailey laughing. He looks at her, a frown on his face)
Owen: what?
Bailey: I'm really sorry to say this, but Sloan is right.
Owen: about what?
Bailey: about who wears trousers in your relationship. And leads the game. And kicks asses (Owen looks at her, amused and surprised at the same time)
Owen: it was not Cristina who did this
Bailey: sure… (she is still smirking)
Owen: I surprised a thief at my mum's yesterday evening and all I got was a chair broken on my head (Bailey turns to look at him bewildered)
Bailey: did you imagine this to cover your dirty games?
Owen: I don't imagine anything. Sloan wasn't right this time (he massages his head grimacing)
Bailey: did you have a check up?
Owen: no. I spent all night with the cops and then fighting with her.
Bailey: why?
Owen: the story is a little bit more complicated than that.
Bailey: I thought it was. Lover's quarrels are always more complicated.
Owen: there is no quarrel here (Bailey is about to answer when she notices Callie walking fast down the corridor with Arizona following her. Torres is right in front of her)
Bailey: good morning (she walks away without saying anything)
Arizona: Callie (she is in front of Bailey too)
Bailey: Robbins (she doesn't answer either). You see?
Owen: what's going on?
Bailey: you can't manage your private life. That's what's going on…
Owen: I can manage… (he stops seeing Miranda is looking straight at him, her arms crossed)
Bailey: you can't. That's it (Owen shakes his head) Now do you want me to stitch you up or not?
Owen: would you?
Bailey: not that you have a queue of people who wants to do it (she walks past him and meets Meredith immediately) Grey…
Meredith: doctor Bailey…
Bailey: have you talked to Derek?
Meredith: not yet. Could I talk… (she stops seeing Derek right behind Bailey. Miranda looks at Meredith surprised and then turns around to find Sheperd)
Derek: hey
Meredith: hey (Derek breaths out)
Derek: doctor Bailey, could I talk to Meredith for some minute, please?
Bailey: sure (Derek touches Owen's shoulder and enters a conference room followed by Meredith. The two doctors see him closing the door behind him and approaching his wife. He strokes her cheek and hugs her tightly. Owen coughs catching Bailey's attention and they leave. Derek is still hugging Meredith)
Derek: I'm sorry
Meredith: shhhh. Just hold me, ok? (he kisses her on the chick and they rock each other). I was so worried for you.
Derek: I'm sorry. I just… (Meredith feels him swallowing and breaks the hug to look at him)
Meredith: did you remember something? (Derek looks away). It was something I did, wasn't it? (he sits on a chair raking a hand through his hair). Talk to me, please. I can't help you if you don't.
Derek: I just can't now (Meredith breaths out). Meredith (he stands up and takes her hands), I love you. I trust you. But I'm not ready. I thought I was over this thing. I thought I forgot but my brain hasn't. I need to breathe and to be sure you and the baby are safe.
Meredith: we are safe. Why shouldn't we be?
Derek: I could have hurt you yesterday.
Meredith: no
Derek: I could have hurt you. There was a moment you weren't you anymore. I saw someone different and you can't imagine what went through my mind last night. I remembered Owen chocking Cristina and I couldn't breathe. I can't control myself anymore.
Meredith: you can
Derek: I'm dangerous
Meredith: you are not (she closes the space between them and takes his face between her hands). Look at me (Derek is looking outside the room). Look at me now (her voice is commanding and Derek turns to look at her). You won't hurt me. You will never do something who can harm me or our baby. I know that. I'd put my life in your hands even now. I need you. And you need me. I'm not walking away as you had a flash back or something. I'm right here and I'm not bailing.
Derek: Mer…
Meredith: I love you. I love you. And all I can think about is that I miss you. Every day more. I want my husband. I want my husband. Will you do something for me? (Derek nods and breaths out) I get if you aren't ready to talk to me. But Doctor Wyatt…
Derek: I'm seeing her today. That's where I went yesterday.
Meredith: that's good. Everything is going to be fine (she strokes his face). I promise… (Derek gives her a smile)
Derek: I love optimist and happy you.
Meredith: I love me too. And I have to be positive if I don't want to have a dark and twisty baby.
Derek: you're extraordinary, you know that? (Meredith looks thoughtful)
Meredith: I kind of do know (they burst out laughing and Derek kisses her on the lips) Dr. Sheperd…
Derek: you know you're the only one working and breaking rules right now? I'm a visitor… I can kiss wherever I want and whoever I want (Meredith gives him a pet on the arm)
Meredith: whoever? (he shrugs her face with a thumb)
Derek: there's just a girl I want to kiss (he kisses her and then talks to her ear) and make love to (her pager beeps)
Meredith: I wait for you at home, ok?
Derek: ok (she gives him a smile and leaves. Derek sits on a chair)
Arizona follows Callie in a supply closet. Torres notices her with the corner of her eye.
Callie: I didn't know attending picked stuff up on themselves (Arizona breaths out)
Arizona: Calliope
Callie: don't Calliope me! You just do it when you want to move me. Or seduce me. And I'm too mad for that now.
Arizona: I know I was mean
Callie: you were more than mean. You hurt me.
Arizona: I know
Callie: you hurt my ego
Arizona: I know
Callie: and everyone knows surgeons have over sized egos
Arizona: I know too
Callie: stop humoring me! You won't get into my pants!
Arizona: I don't want to get into your pants. Well… not now by the way. I'm just trying to apologize, ok? I know I was awful yesterday. I was humoral and bitchy and I said things I don't think.
Callie: you do think Mark is a moron.
Arizona: I did. Not anymore. I'm just jealous, ok?
Callie: jealous? (she bursts out laughing) Of Mark?
Arizona: yes
Callie: my sex life with Mark is over. From a lot of time.
Arizona: it's not what I'm jealous about.
Callie: no? What then?
Arizona: you talk with him. You say whatever you think and feel. You don't do the same with me.
Callie: I'm not a liar
Arizona: that's not what I meant (she gets closer and touches her heart). Why don't you let me see what's here? (Callie looks thoughtful and keeps silent)
Callie: as I'm scared
Arizona: of me?
Callie: that you'll walk away. That what I want is not what you want. I love you. And I can't live without you.
Arizona: I love you too. And I'll stay, I promise. We'll work things out together. Always.
Callie: ok
Arizona: ok (they gets closer and kiss)
Cristina, Alex, Avery and Reed are behind a desk, each one filling patients' charts. They hear a loud laugh and look up to see the new doctor talking with a nurse.
Alex: is that the neuro guy?
Cristina: who else? There must be an exam during their class to become like that
Reed: like what?
Cristina: flirty, chatty. "Look at me baby and I'll rock you" type (Avery laughs)
Alex: he reminds a lot Sheperd.
Reed: not so hot by the way (Cristina turns to look at her and Reeds blushes). I mean… he is not so attractive and… if you like the type, you know
Cristina: I know… (she leans into her chair and crosses her arms behind her head). To tell the truth I don't know (she points to the new doctor). How can you feel interested in someone who clearly can love just himself?
Avery: you don't know that!
Cristina: I know
Avery: have you ever talked to him?
Cristina: I don't need. He's from New York too. It's engineering. It's DNA
Alex: shhhhhh (Cristina looks up and sees doctor Brad coming closer, she takes her pen and resumes writing)
Brad: good morning doctors (the residents look up and smile). I'm Greg Brad, new neurosurgeon. I wasn't introduced officially and wanted to say hi even if I know you're not my guys (Reed and Avery stand up).
Avery: doctor Avery. Nice to meet you.
Reed: and I'm doctor Reed, trauma resident.
Brad: good. And you must be the famous dr. Yang… (Alex laughs silently and Cristina looks up stunned)
Cristina: famous?
Brad: yeah… my source of information are nurses. They talked to me a lot about you and your friends (he eyes quickly Alex and then checks his clock). I have to go now. Meeting my resident and coworkers. Have a nice day (he leaves and the guys follow him with the eyes)
Cristina: I told you he was an ass
Alex: just because nurses gave him a full detail of your life you don't need to be so rude.
Cristina: I'm not. But I don't like him.
Reed: he's nice.
Cristina: he's a jackass.
Avery: maybe it's just his demeanor. Let's wait to see what Meredith says (Cristina is looking at Dr. Brad at the bottom of the corridor. She sees him sending a cloudy look to someone, a smirk on his face. Some second later Meredith appears out of the corner)
Cristina: or what he says about her
Owen is sitting on a stretcher and Bailey is preparing the necessary to stitch his forehead.
Bailey: so you are one of those men…
Owen: those?
Bailey: who just can't stay out of trouble
Owen: I didn't plan to have troubles
Bailey: you say so… (she turns on her stool and gets closer). Ok… (she takes a needle but Owe stops her lifting a hand). What?
Owen: I don't need that (Bailey looks at the needle and at his cut)
Bailey: why not?
Owen: I can do without.
Bailey: are you trying to impress me so that I can sing your praise to Yang?
Owen: I don't need to impress you or my wife, ok? She just had a very tiring day. First this (he touches his face) then Meredith… We didn't fight (Bailey puts the needle away and starts working on him)
Bailey: ok. So… how is it?
Owen: what?
Bailey: working with your wife (Owen chuckles)
Owen: it's like riding a rollercoaster every day. We are supposed to know our problems better but… it's a mess.
Bailey: one of the main reason my marriage failed is that I couldn't get my husband to understand my priorities, my schedules and the hospital's dynamics.
Owen: sometimes Cristina doesn't get that either. We are both surgeons but… it looks like another job sometimes.
Bailey: she is still riding the wave, isn't she?
Owen: yes. She is competitive, enthusiastic. The only place she sees herself is in an OR.
Bailey: and you'd like other things
Owen: maybe not now but… soon. I'd like to build a family. I hoped Meredith's pregnancy could open her up, let her see something else but, at the moment, no sign.
Bailey: it takes time. Some woman never gets to feel a motherhood instinct. But, for what it counts, she really loves you.
Owen: I know
Bailey: I'm done here (she turns with her stool). I give you this suggestion dr. Hunt. Do never take love for granted. Do never think love can be enough forever. It takes something else to make a marriage last forever.
Owen: I know
Bailey: hiding things, even for the best intention, is not a good way to begin (she stands up and walks away)
Dr. Wyatt is sitting at her desk, she hears knocking to her door and looks up in time to see Derek entering her office.
Wyatt: good morning
Derek: good morning (he goes sitting on the couch, his stare on her)
Wyatt: so… are you ready?
Derek: I hope so.
Wyatt: ok (she stands up and goes sitting in front of Derek). What do you expect from these sections?
Derek: to get better.
Wyatt: that's it? (Derek swallows and looks at her without talking). Don't you want to forget, to forgive… anything like this?
Derek: I'm afraid that, no matter how much I'd like to forget, some part of me will never do it.
Wyatt: mmm… What happened?
Derek: excuse me?
Wyatt: what happened to you? You were so sure and ready to say you were over this. And now you knock to my door and say you'll never be. I suspect something happened (Derek is doing everything but looking at her). Usually, from my experience, it's a flashback who sends good intentions and certainties to hell (Derek looks up). Here we are… did you hurt yourself?
Derek: no
Wyatt: did you hurt Meredith?
Derek: no
Wyatt: but you are scared you could next time.
Derek: kind of…
Wyatt: will you do a favor to me? Better… I'm not asking here. I expect you won't talk about Meredith during these sessions. You're here for you. Not for her, for the hospital, for the hundreds people who love you and wait for you to come back. You're my patient and I want to fix you. If I fix you, I'll make all the others happy. If you're not happy, anyone will never be. So let's focus on you. Can you do that?
Derek: I guess I have no choice left.
Wyatt: you got it. Fill this form (she pushes a sheet and a pen on the table in front of him and goes back sitting to her desk)
Meredith arrives in front of a conference room and takes a look through the blinds. She recognizes the doctor she had tutored during his visit to SGH. She knocks and is invited to go in. Doctor Brad smiles brightly at her.
Greg: good morning Doctor Grey. Come in, please (she closes the door behind her and approaches the desk without sitting). Sit down, I won't bite you, I promise (he flashes her a smile and she sits). So… I guess you are surprised I decided to stay here.
Meredith: I just didn't think you were looking for a new experience. I thought you were just visiting out of professional curiosity.
Greg: maybe at the beginning. Then I got to know there was a spot left and the chance to become the new chief of neurosurgery so… I decided to give it a chance (Meredith's face has tensed and she looks embarrassed). What, don't you like me? (Meredith blushes)
Meredith: no… I… it's not that I don't like you but…
Greg: yeah, I know. You all like Doctor Sheperd and look forward to see him back. I'll try to make my best not to make you regret him (he opens a chart). So… you are my resident. I have great plans for you.
Meredith: have you?
Greg: yes. I want great for me. And I usually drag my coworkers with me. Do you feel up to follow me into the stars?
Meredith: I am but… as maybe Doctor Webber told you, I'm going to take a maternity leave soon. Maybe you don't want to work with someone who is going to be absent in a few weeks (a frown appears on Greg's face)
Greg: are you planning a child, during your residency?
Meredith: I am not planning it. I'm already pregnant (Greg gives her a quick and appreciative look. Meredith is embarrassed to have him searching her). I am slim and you don't notice but… I'm almost four months along.
Greg: oh… (he looks at her for another moment and he starts writing on his chart again). What a shame…
Meredith: what?
Greg: nothing. I feel like I already know you, doctor Grey. A lot of people talked to me about you here. You are… how can I say it… quite a celebrity down here. But you'll get to know me and you'll like me. I always say what I think. You'll find it disturbing sometimes… but I'll improve your skills.
Meredith: that's what residency is supposed to do (her pager beeps and she stands up). Thank you doctor Brad. I'll look for you when I'm done with my post op.
Greg: I can't look forward (she goes away and the doctor hesitates looking at her ass)
Mark sees Callie on the catwalk and joins her.
Mark: hey, want to be mummy (she gives him a smile). Peace in heaven?
Callie: yeah, kind of. We talked…
Mark: not that much I heard (he gets close her ear). Nurses are talking about a hot meeting in a supply closet.
Callie: it was not hot. We are two respectable people. Not women who screw around in everybody's watch.
Mark: you liked it, once.
Callie: I even liked men, once.
Mark: so? Did you find a better agreement?
Callie: I think we did. Arizona wants to fix an appointment with the social services to know about adoption. And I'll fix an appointment to know about artificial insemination.
Mark: do you think to call Addie?
Callie: no, for the moment. Seattle has a great clinic. I'll go to take a look.
Mark: call me if you change idea about me as a donor.
Callie: I won't.
Mark: why? Do you spit in the plate you ate so much in?
Callie: no. But I don't want my child to be a sex addict. And since when do you want so strongly to become a father? Little Sloan wasn't enough for you?
Mark: I'm sorry she left (he looks down and Callie's smile fades away)
Callie: I'm sorry, it was a stupid thing to say.
Mark: don't worry. I miss it. The chaos, the wiping… Even the baby…
Callie: you'll have one, someday. You and Lexie will make wonderful children.
Mark: I know. Meredith and Derek's kid will be a frog in compare. But I need to wait.
Callie: Mark Sloan… Are you high or something?
Mark: maybe I am (he takes an apple from his pocket and goes away giving her a mischievous look)
Dr. Wyatt is looking at the papers Derek has filled with his answers. She takes off her glasses and looks straight at him. He is fidgeting with his clock and looks nervous.
Wyatt: how many years have passed since you became a surgeon?
Derek: well… 15 years or so from medical school on. Why do you ask?
Wyatt: I'm just curious. And do you still love your job?
Derek: yes, sometimes it's not like you imagined it to be. But I love it.
Wyatt: what is different?
Derek: I'm sorry?
Wyatt: you said it's not always like you thought it to be. What is different?
Derek: you feel like you own the truth when you finish medical school. You think you can save anyone. But reality is different. So damned different. And you never get used to it.
Wyatt: you know dr. Webber for a lot of time, don't you?
Derek: yeah, he was my mentor in New York. He taught everything I know about treating patients and respect and addiction to work.
Wyatt: and …
Derek: nothing…
Wyatt: the two of you seem to like each other.
Derek: we do. It has not always been simple. But we do. I do, at least.
Wyatt: don't you think the same from him?
Derek: I know he respects me a lot. Even after what happened… he still does.
Wyatt: why should he respect you less after Gary Clark almost killed you?
Derek: I meant… I didn't mean that. I meant after I took his job.
Wyatt: oh… and is he happy now that he got his job back?
Derek: I don't know. It's not that I'm living the hospital so much right now. People love him. His life is here. I guess he appreciates to be back on the throne.
Wyatt: but his heir is missing at the moment. Do you think he is more happy or more concerned about this? (Derek breaths out and looks at her suspicious). What?
Derek: nothing. I was just thinking why everyone is so worried about me not working by now.
Wyatt: you tell me…
Derek: I… (he stands up and starts walking into the office raking a hand through his hair)
Wyatt: you? (Derek breaths out). Come on, just say it (Derek looks at her)
Derek: I miss here. I miss the hospital, I miss working. I miss patients. But I can't go back.
Wyatt: why not?
Derek: I resigned.
Wyatt: and Richard won't hire you back?
Derek: I'm not asking
Wyatt: why?
Derek: as I'm not ready
Wyatt: for what?
Derek: to everything. To cut into people, to stay among people.
Wyatt: are you admitting you're quite messed up? (Derek stops in the mid of the room and looks at her)
Derek: we all know I am
Wyatt: less than you think (she stands up and approaches him). You are not so messed up not to know you are. And that's a great start (Derek giggles). You just have to take the plunge and start swimming again.
Derek: what if I can't?
Wyatt: what if you keep saying yourself you can't and you can already? (Derek sits on the couch)
Hunt arrives at the attending lounge and meets Teddy in there. She is sitting drinking a coffee.
Hunt: morning.
Teddy: hey (she looks up and sees his face). How are you doing?
Hunt: fine
Teddy: despite the fact your uncle nearly got you killed this time (he sits near her)
Hunt: you know
Teddy: yes. Cristina told me. And your mother called me four times to know you were fine. I had to swear not to make her run here to her baby (she smiles).
Hunt: I'm fine. As long as Cristina doesn't kick my ass.
Teddy: I saw her really mad indeed. She is venting her rage on interns by now.
Hunt: did you let her?
Teddy: yes. They are morons. We won't miss any of them. You own me (her cell beeps and she takes it. A grin curls her lips reading the message and Owen looks at her puzzled)
Hunt: someone I know? (Teddy looks at him innocently)
Teddy: I'm sorry?
Hunt: your supporter. Is he someone I know?
Teddy: who says I'm seeing someone?
Hunt: your face does. You look like a child in a candy store. So… do I have to make a speech to the guy?
Teddy: no, thanks. I can take care of myself. And I don't want him to run into the woods as you scared him.
Hunt: so you really like him.
Teddy: what are you, jealous?
Hunt: now, just protective. You can't stay out of troubles.
Teddy: ha ha. Really nice. You don't need to worry by the way. He is a lawyer. Very nice guy.
Hunt: are you seeing him from long?
Teddy: two months.
Hunt: it's one of your longest relationships.
Teddy: I'm improving (his pager beeps and he stands up)
Hunt: let me know if you need that speech.
Teddy: let me know if you need more stitches (Hunt waves his hand hi going out)
Meredith joins the other residents at lunch. They are already eating when she lets herself fall on a chair near Cristina.
Meredith: how long will it take till we won't have to deal with post op asses?
Alex: three or four years more or less. Embrace it.
Cristina: why embracing? We can prescribe them some diuretics and have them pee all day.
Meredith: so that they could complain even more? No thanks (she takes a bite of her sandwich). I don't think I could take that.
Cristina: you are a pain in the ass. Are your hormones really so messed up by pregnancy? Meredith is about to speak but Alex does first)
Alex: they clearly are. She's eating tuna and cheese together (the guys look at her sandwich disgusted)
Meredith: what is wrong with tuna and cheese?
Avery: it's like pasta and sugar or milk with salt.
Meredith: it's an Italian cuisine, you idiots!
Cristina: whatever… how did it go with McSneaky?
Reed: Mc who?
Cristina: McSneaky. Doctor Brad, the one who walks down the corridors with an enormous sign stating: I'm the best and I'll take the chief of neuro. Follow me, baby.
Meredith: did you get that impression too?
Cristina: of course I did. Only Avery was charmed by his pretty face. All the time he wasn't looking at your boobs he was praising himself and his skills (Meredith looks down at her breast while the others laugh)
Alex: he wouldn't be so stupid to chase on a married woman. Sheperd's wife above all.
Cristina: why not? It's not he's peeing on Derek's feet by now. And the position is vacant.
Meredith: the position is not vacant and he knows I'm married and pregnant. And as regards my boobs, he is not the only one staring at them (she looks meaningfully at Alex)
Alex: you can't blame me. When I look at you, they're the first thing I see. Then all the rest (the others laugh)
Meredith: try to look up to my face first (she takes another bite)
Alex: where's Derek by the way?
Meredith: he… (she looks up and stops realizing Avery and Reed are still there) had stuff to do.
Cristina: rumors say Webber offered him his job back this morning
Meredith: it's too early. Unless…
Alex: what?
Meredith: nothing (she drinks some water. Doctor Brad enters the cafeteria and sends them a smile. He approaches their table with his tray)
Cristina: Romeo is here and coming to you (Meredith turns around smiling thinking to find Derek in front of her. She instead sees dr. Brad grinning at her. Her smiles fades)
Brad: good morning everybody. Can I steal my resident for lunch, please? (Meredith blushes and starts rambling)
Meredith: I'm… I can't… I'm done, actually. I was going back to my charts (she stands up but Greg doesn't give her room)
Brad: they can wait. I wanted to discuss our next case together (he points to his table and Meredith doubtfully follows his instruction. Greg follows her. He lightly leans his hand at the small of her back)
Avery: he is bold
Cristina: he's a vulture. She's better keeping her eyes the wide open.
Alex: Sheperd too
Derek: Sheperd what? (Alex turns around to see Derek standing in front of them)
Bailey comes out from an OC room adjusting her coat. She turns around to close the door and, turning around again, she bumps into Mark.
Bailey: what the hell, Sloan? Am I invisible today? (Mark can't hide a grin)
Mark: you'd like so much to be… (he sends a knowing look to the OC, Bailey shakes her head and seems embarrassed)
Bailey: what?
Mark: you don't have to hide, Bailey. It's great you're back in the dogfight.
Bailey: I'm not hiding and I'm nowhere in the dogfight. I was just taking a nap before my surgery.
Mark: if you say so.
Bailey: I do say so.
Mark: good, as I was looking for an OC to take a nap myself. If this is free (he makes a step to the door and stretches his hand to take the knob. Miranda hits his hand). Hey!
Bailey: don't touch that!
Mark: why not?
Bailey: as it's a female OC. You can't go in there.
Mark: female OC? We don't have separated OCs in here
Bailey: we should have. And we have them since today. Had we established this before, Meredith wouldn't be pregnant by now. And you wouldn't have screwed all the nurses of the department. So I say this is a female OC and you have to sleep your ass elsewhere.
Mark: ok, I go (he makes some step backwards). Say hi to Ben, by the way (he goes away and the door opens to reveal Ben)
Ben: hi Dr. Sloan (Mark says hi not turning around. Bailey sends a deathly glare to Ben)
Mark: I'll draw you DNA for tomorrow morning, Bailey
Derek is coming back to dr. Wyatt's office. He turns the last corner and sees a man in front of the door, sitting on a bench. He gives him a quick look and knocks to the door. He gets no answer. Looking down at his watch, he realizes he's early. He breaths out. He had planned to have lunch with Meredith but dr. Brad had ruined his plans. He sits on the bench too. The man sitting looks at him and then at the sign out of Dr. Wyatt's door. He breaths out.
Man: this place really drives us all crazy…. (Derek looks at him and then diverts his eyes, he looks at the ceiling)
Derek: sometimes it does.
Man: my wife is in surgery. I can't find a place where to stay. The church… I feel hypocrite. I haven't been attending churches since she got sick. The waiting area… too many people crying. And I have to believe in the illusion that she'll survive.
Derek: what's her prognosis?
Man: lung cancer.
Derek: I'm sorry.
Man: that's what everybody says. I have to stay here, waiting, while a doctor has her full arms in her chest.
Derek: they're doing all they can.
Man: I know. What if is not enough? (Derek swallows and looks up). I'd like to know what a surgeon thinks while operating. Is that just flesh? Or does it mean something? That's my Amy. She shouldn't be alone in there.
Derek: she is not. You're with her (the man laughs).
Man: I've been acting like a fool lately. Always complaining about everything. I haven't been a good husband. And she needed that so much.
Derek: it's not easy to help the person you love when she's sick. You start to wonder: why her? And you'll get no answer. And gets madder.
Man: yes… (he looks at his watch). Jesus, it's been three hours.
Derek: it's a long procedure. It will take three other more at least.
Man: are you a doctor?
Derek: I… yes, I am (silence falls between them). Patients are never flesh. You try to do your best. You try to stay detached as being involved can lessen your judgment and you need it perfectly clear. You do whatever you want. You face complications and problems. You survives crises. And when unfortunately the signals beep and you know you are really in trouble, the thought knocks.
Man: which thought?
Derek: what would I do if this was my wife or mother or sister or daughter? What if this was my friend? I'd fight like a dog. I'd try everything. But finally… sometimes we have to let them go. And deliver the news.
Man: do you learn that at school?
Derek: there's no school that can teach you to say to someone his loved one is dead. They try… they give you forms and sentences but… there's no way you can deliver that message properly.
Man: why do you do this job then?
Derek: someone has
Man: but… why do you choose it? How can you choose to say every day to people their family is dead?
Derek: as there's nothing like saying to someone that his family is alive and will survive. Nothing gives you more happiness than life, than saving. It's like be born again.
Wyatt: Derek… (Derek looks up to see doctor Wyatt leaning at the doorframe, her arms crossed in front of her chest)
Derek: I'm sorry… I hadn't heard you. I didn't think you were here…
Wyatt: I were. Engaged in a phone call. I opened as soon as I hang off but you were busy talking (she gives a smile to the man sitting near Derek). I'm ready if you are (Derek nods and stands up. Before entering dr. Wyatt's office he turns around)
Derek: good luck
Man: thank you. I hope dr. Bailey will rise again tonight
In the OR Bailey, the Chief, Avery, Teddy and Cristina are operating on their patient.
Bailey: more suction Avery, please. I can't see anything.
Richard: you can't see anything as there's blood in the lung.
Bailey: damn it. The capillaries are broken (she breaths out and looks up)
Cristina: can you repair that?
Bailey: I'm trying… Avery, what do I do?
Avery: mmm…. Clamp?
Bailey: that's clear I'm going to clamp. After I meant… (Avery and Cristina shares a quick look)
Avery: dissect the lung?
Bailey: chief?
Richard: It's the only shot we have. Come here, Avery (Cristina looks at him stunned while Bailey handles the instruments to Jackson)
Cristina: will you let him dissect a lung?
Teddy: doctor Yang! (Cristina looks at her). That's none of your business. Focus on her heart.
Cristina: but…
Bailey: have you something in contrary, Yang?
Cristina: he has never done that
Richard: and he'll never do it as long as we don't let him. There's always a first time. You should know better. Come on, Avery (Avery takes the instruments and starts working). Take your time… (he goes on operating). You see, dr. Yang. General has its perks too.
Cristina: yes, sir.
Bailey: having two tutors for example
Avery: I'm privileged.
Richard: or screwed (Avery looks at him). It depends on points of view.
Avery: my grand father was very happy to know you're going to be my tutor, sir.
Richard: that's not sure.
Bailey: you can say it loud. Now we just have one resident in general, I'm not going to let him go like that (Avery looks at her). Don't look at me, look at the patient. Do you want to tell her husband we removed the contaminated tissue and then killed her piercing her heart by accident?
Avery: no sir
Bailey: then look down
Avery: excuse me, doctor Bailey. I think I'm done here (he looks up and Richard nods, Jackson can say he is smiling under his mask). My God… I did it.
Richard: you did
Bailey: but if you want to become a surgeon, you shouldn't be surprised about that. Succeeding must be the habit, not the exception.
Avery: yes, sir.
Bailey: close her up, the two of you (they make a step to the door). Good job, everyone (Cristina and Avery nod and the attending leave the OR. They start to scrub out)
Richard: the habit, huh?
Bailey: I'm not going to teach them to lose. They have already learnt it the hard way.
Meredith and Greg enter his office, the office once belonged to Derek. Meredith stops abruptly on the door realizing the changes in the room, that everything belonged to Derek is gone: his letters, the cards from his patients, his recognitions, his qualifications. She notices two big boxes on the floor.
Greg: what?
Meredith: excuse me?
Greg: nothing. You just stopped like you saw a ghost on the door.
Meredith: I… this room… I remembered it differently.
Greg: it was. It was gloomy and messy. I made some changes. Dr. Webber told me to arrange it following my needs and (he turn on himself showing around) voila! Do you like it?
Meredith: I liked gloomy and messy
Greg: it's the charm of the chaos. You'll laugh of yourself in two months (Meredith's face hardens, she is about to answer but dr. Brad goes sitting behind his desk and she shuts up). So… how are our post ops? (Meredith takes a list of patients)
Meredith: mr. Ellis woke up at 15 form anesthesia. Everything looks fine. He complained for headache and I gave him some painkillers.
Greg: did you check his allergies?
Meredith: in the pre op. Nothing to say. Bps look good, pressure is good. I've already prepared his schedule to be cleared: if tomorrow there are no changes he could go home on Thursday.
Greg: that's what I love of medicine: we open you up on Monday and on Thursday you can enjoy a dinner on the Seattle Needle. Then?
Meredith: our shunt scheduled for Friday was admitted today (she pushes a chart towards him). I discussed pre op exams with dr. Nelson and that is the list we arranged for tomorrow morning (Brad looks at it carefully).
Greg: no blood tests?
Meredith: usually we do them two days before surgery, not before.
Greg: oh… I forgot you were on strict budget. Ok… Will Nelson perform this surgery?
Meredith: I don't know. He said he would discuss the schedule and the surgery planning directly with you.
Greg: ok. Anything else?
Meredith: no.
Greg: good. I'm impressed by your efficiency.
Meredith: it's work (she stands up). If there's nothing else I can do for you… I'd go
Greg: it's fine (he stands up himself and takes his labcoat off). I'm done for tonight (he takes his coat and one of the boxes containing Derek's stuff. Meredith looks at it). I just have to take this stuff to the deposit.
Meredith: but those are dr. Sheperd's belongings…
Greg: I know. But he's not here. And probably won't ever be. I need space (he makes a step to the door)
Meredith: I'll take them
Greg: what?
Meredith: I've never told you today as I thought you remembered.
Greg: remember what?
Meredith: Dr. Sheperd is my husband. That's his stuff. I'm going to take it.
Greg: oh… No problem (he gives her the box). I'll give you the other tomorrow (they go out and he closes the door by his key). Good night, dr. Grey
Meredith. good night (he goes away and she stays there looking at the door, the box still in her hands)
Callie is going out the hospital.
Arizona: Callie! (Torres turns around to see Arizona running down the stairs. She approaches her out of breath). Hey… are you going home?
Callie: no, I was thinking to go to Joe's. It's been a long time
Arizona: are you all alone?
Callie: yes. Bailey is still in surgery with the chief. Mark…I don't know. I sent you a message, didn't you get it? (Arizona picks her phone from the bag and shows Callie the display).
Arizona: Why do you think I'm running? (Callie smiles). I read my hot girlfriend is all alone at the bar and didn't want to lose the chance to share a drink. We go? (Arizona takes Callie's hand and they start walking out). Oh… I was forgetting… We have an appointment next week with the social services, on Friday.
Callie: it's good
Arizona: didn't you get an appointment to visit the facility?
Callie: not yet. I was very busy today. I'm going to call tomorrow (Arizona stops). What?
Arizona: why don't we just go home and have a bath together? It's been a long and tiring day and… even last night… I really want to spend some time with you and get your forgiveness.
Callie: forgiveness? We have cleared. There's nothing more to discuss. Maybe you just should apologize to Mark later but… It's ok. But I still accept the bath (they both smile)
Arizona: ok
Dr. Wyatt is writing on a paper while Derek is sitting on the couch.
Wyatt: seeing how your disorder has developed, I highly recommend you to work to achieve the following targets (she pushes the document on the desk, looks up and notices Derek looks far away). Derek…
Derek: I'm sorry?
Wyatt: these are the targets you have to achieve
Derek: ok
Wyatt: ok… (she stands up and takes the paper with her). It's crystal clear you haven't listened to me a minute in the last hour. Which I would find annoying if it wasn't you were already working on the first step.
Derek: excuse me?
Wyatt: go
Derek: where?
Wyatt: Where you want to be strongly for at least an hour. With him.
Derek: I don't…
Wyatt: aren't you thinking about that man? You have been looking absent since you got back here (Derek nods). Go. Be with him (Derek breaths out). You're a doctor. And he's a lonely man whose wife is enduring a tough surgery, so tough she couldn't survive. He was depressed and scared. And you want to help him.
Derek: how is it this is one of my targets?
Wyatt: as I want you to really consider if you want to give up being a doctor.
Derek: I have never said I wanted to give up my career.
Wyatt. You didn't say it but that's what you did. So just stop for a moment, close out all emotions and bad feelings and angst. Look deep inside you. Tell me what you'd tell me if I was doctor Webber (Derek breaths out)
Derek: I'd tell you I miss this place and my job. That I don't feel ready to come back full time. I'm not even ready to perform surgeries. I'm scared of crowded place and the idea of blood everywhere. But, so messed up as I am, I could help with paper work and teaching. I want to try to prove myself that deep inside, despite fears and worry and flashbacks of Gary Clark stabbing me, there's always the man I have grown up to be.
Wyatt. That's what I meant. So… what are you still doing here wasting my time? Get out (after some seconds of hesitation Derek stands up, doctor Wyatt handles him her paper and he goes away)
Meredith enters Joe's and sees Cristina at the bar. She goes sitting near her.
Meredith: hey (Joe comes closer). Hi Joe.
Joe: dr. Grey. How is Derek?
Meredith: good, thank you. Would you pour me an orange juice please?
Joe: sure (he takes the glass and fills it). Really turned into a healthy nut, um?
Meredith: yeah… Give her my tequila.
Joe: she doesn't need yours. I guess she has enough of hers (Cristina puts her glass down).
Cristina: who are you, my mother? I've just had two drinks and I'm an adult.
Joe: who is going to drive home.
Cristina: I'm not driving. My boyfriend is going to drive. Even if I could do that.
Avery: sure you can (he sits with them). Give me a beer, Joe. I have to toast.
Meredith: to what?
Avery: to my successful surgery. I removed a cancer from the patient's lung and dissected it.
Meredith: congratulations
Avery: everything despite her skepticism.
Cristina: I was not skeptic. I was just surprised you were allowed to do everything on your own.
Meredith: seriously? (Avery smiles and raises his glass before drinking). I should have picked general (Cristina takes an eye at the box under Mer's stall)
Cristina: have McSneaky already kicked you out?
Meredith: no, he hasn't. That's Derek's stuff.
Cristina: what?
Meredith: apparently the Chief gave him Derek's old office and he packed everything. He was going to through everything away.
Cristina: not kind from him.
Avery: even not kind from the chief
Meredith: I don't know. Derek had his stuff in both offices. It's normal they need space now. SG hasn't plenty of rooms but… it was sad. To go in there and noticing all his… our photos were gone (she takes a sip of her juice)
Cristina: oh my God…
Meredith: what? What's wrong?
Cristina: Did Derek have still that photo of you on the beach on his desk?
Meredith: I don't know. Why do you ask?
Cristina: as McSneaky has already taken it. Oh… oh my God, Mer…
Meredith: what?
Cristina: what if Derek had photos on his laptop?
Meredith: what do you mean?
Cristina: you know what I mean (she looks straight into Mer's eyes. Her expression gets ridiculous and Mer starts laughing)
Meredith: are you seriously suggesting Derek could have porno photos on his job laptop?
Cristina: why not? It's you and Derek after all… (Meredith takes Cristina's glass away from her)
Meredith: you're really high, aren't you? (Hunt enters the bar and gets closer)
Hunt: good evening everyone (Avery raises his glass and Meredith nods at him)
Cristina: hey (she slurs)
Meredith: she's drunk I guess.
Cristina: I'm not drunk. I'm sure that boy has your photos by now.
Meredith: sure, sure
Owen: what is she talking about?
Cristina: Derek had… Ouch!
Meredith: nothing. She's talking nonsense
Cristina: you'll see. Who is that? (she points to the corner of the bar and both Meredith and Owen follow her finger)
Meredith: that's dr. Altman
Cristina: that I know, you genius. The guy who's with her I meant.
Avery: I don't know him.
Meredith: he's hot
Owen: it's her date
Cristina: date?
Owen: date. That's what I said.
Cristina: Joe… Give me another (she raises her empty glass asking for another) I have to toast.
Meredith: to what?
Cristina: to McSneaky who has got Mer's naked photos (Mer makes a face, Owen looks puzzled and bewildered at the same time) and Teddy's date.
Meredith: you don't even know him.
Cristina: but he is going to distract her and make her forget my fiancé
Meredith: fiancé?
Home… it's like an addiction.
It's a castle or a prison.
It's the place who reminds you who you are.
It's the box of your life.
Bailey and Richard are at the chief's office. Richard is changing and wearing his white labcoat.
Richard: good surgery
Bailey: yes. I was not optimist before. But we were lucky. She was lucky.
Richard: yes. And Avery was good. We made a good choice, Miranda.
Bailey: I know (she looks outside the door and sees a light in the neuro's office). Is Derek here?
Richard: I don't know. Why do you ask?
Bailey: the light is on in his office… (they both go out and knock. No one answers and they go in). What the hell happened in here? (they look around and notice all Derek's stuff is gone. Richard goes to the desk and takes the nameplate)
Richard: damn it.
Bailey: what?
Richard: dr. Brad misunderstood. I told him to take the other office and he took Derek's.
Bailey: that guy is too taken from himself to get a two word sentence.
Richard: let's go to Mr. Beckett now. I'll talk to Brad tomorrow and set things back as they were in here (they switch off the light and walk down the corridor to the waiting area. They turn the last corner and Richard stops seeing Derek sitting with mr. Beckett. He stops Miranda too. The man is bending forward crying and Derek is trying to comfort him)
Derek: mr. Beckett… you need to calm down. I know it's hard and stressing to wait for news.
Beckett: she's dead. I know she is.
Derek: you don't know that.
Beckett: and you don't know she's fine.
Derek: no. But what I know is that you must have faith. They're going to come out soon and you'll know. But till then, you need to believe she's going to be okay.
Beckett: it's easy for you to say…
Derek: it's not easy. But I know dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber. If there's someone who'll do anything to save your wife's life, that's them. They saved my life too.
Richard: mr. Beckett (the man raises his head to look at them, Derek turns to them too)
Beckett: who did it go? (Richard lingers a moment staring at Derek)
Derek: I go now, leave you alone.
Beckett: no, please. Just stay here.
Bailey: Mr. Beckett… these are information covered by medical privacy
Beckett: I don't care. He's been sitting here with me for hours. I want him to stay
Bailey: ok (Richard is still looking at Derek who diverts his stare). The surgery went fine. Your wife is in the ICU now. But we were able to remove all the sick tissue and she'll be fine. She'll have to take tests constantly to check her lungs, but the tumor is gone (Derek's lips curl in a smile)
Beckett: really?
Richard: really.
Beckett: oh my God, thank you (he stands up and shakes their hand). I don't know what to say…
Bailey: thank you is enough. You can come with me to see your wife for a while now (Beckett stands up and takes his coat. He turns around to face Derek, who is still sitting)
Beckett: thank you. I wouldn't have survived here on my own
Derek: it was a pleasure. Say hi to your wife (they shake hands and Beckett and Bailey go away. Derek follows them with his eyes and then feels Richard's look on him). I'm sorry. I didn't want to interfere. I saw him outside dr Wyatt's office and he was breaking down. I just wanted to help.
Richard: you don't need to justify. And you did a wonderful thing to keep him company and holding him up. Thank you (Richard turns around and makes two step to walk away, Derek stands up)
Derek: Richard (he turns around)
Richard: yeah?
Derek: can I talk to you for some minute, please?
Richard: of course. Let's go to my office.
You may think you can forget it.
You may think you can move without regrets.
You may think you can build another life elsewhere.
But you fool yourself.
Meredith enters her kitchen and find Lexie drinking some coffee.
Meredith: hey (she takes strawberries from the fridge and sits at the counter. She starts eating).
Lexie: hey
Meredith: I thought you were going to sleep at Mark's
Lexie: I was indeed. But he got a page.
Meredith: you don't seem so disappointed by the way
Lexie: no. I need some sleep, you know.
Meredith: I know (she smiles and sets a fruit in her mouth).
Lexie: Derek?
Meredith: he should come home. He told me he would come home but… I haven't seen him in the afternoon so… he could even not come.
Lexie: I'm sorry
Meredith: what for?
Lexie: It's just that sometimes I think the two of you should have more privacy. Derek needs quiet and we are messy. We come and go, come and go (Meredith touches her arm).
Meredith: Lexie… He's been living here for a while now. He knows how it works. And he would never say it but… he likes here. He can't look forward to have the house in the woods but… he loves here. And even my roommates. He got used to you all.
Lexie: and you?
Meredith: I'm used to you all too.
Lexie: not that… Will you miss living here?
Meredith: I don't know. Maybe I will… I know I will but… for some reason I really want to leave. I don't know.
Your home is who you are (the moon shines on Derek's trailer)
It's an appendix of your soul.
Owen enters his and Cristina's apartment carrying her. He tries to kick the door shut but it stays open.
Cristina: go back!
Owen: I'm going to put you in bed then I'll go back
Cristina: go back. I'll close it (he goes back to the door and Cristina pushes it closed). You see? I'm not that drunk
Owen: you closed a door, Cristina. You haven't solved an equation (he walks into their bedroom and puts her in bed).
Cristina: but I did something you couldn't.
Owen: I couldn't as I'm carrying my drunk and beautiful girlfriend.
Cristina: fiancé
Owen: whatever
Cristina: it's not whatever… Don't you want to marry me anymore? (Owen looks down at her stunned) What? You asked me some time ago and I didn't answer. I figured it out and I want. I say yes (Owen keeps looking at her wide eyes). Oh… you changed your mind…
Owen: I didn't change my mind but…
Cristina: what? You thought I wasn't even considering it?
Owen: kind of.
Cristina: men… (she turns on the bed giving her shoulders to him). They pop questions and then they forget
Owen: I hadn't forgotten. Anyway… I'd like to try this conversation when you're not rotten drunk (Cristina turns to look at him)
Cristina: I'm not rotten drunk. I have only had some drinks with my friends.
Owen: quantify some.
Cristina: three (Owen shakes his head at her). Ok, ok. Maybe five. No… six, considering the one for Teddy's date.
Owen: six tequilas. I'm wondering how you're still awake.
Cristina: I hoped to have some fun (she catches his lips with hers. Owen deepens his kiss and then stops)
Owen: I'd like to have some fun too. But you need to sleep over this (he kisses her on the cheek and turns around). Good night (she falls asleep, Hunt spoons her with his frame)
It's your cocoon. A place where great things happen
Derek and Richard enter Webber's office. Derek stops on the door seeing Jennings sitting at the desk.
Jennings: dr. Sheperd (he stands up and goes shaking Derek's hand). It's good to see you. How are you?
Derek: I'm quite fine, thanks.
Jennings: I've tried to call you several times...
Derek: I know and I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls but I wanted some space.
Jennings: you didn't need to apologize. On the contrary… the Board wants to apologize. Me specially. I'm really sorry how things worked out and you don't know how much I'd like to make up for my mistakes. I know that you took your decision but… if you'll ever change your mind…
Richard: Jennings… not now (he goes sitting on his chair). Actually Derek wanted to talk to me in private, can you wait for me?
Jennings: sure (he turns to leave)
Derek: stay (Jennings stops and Richard searches Derek's eyes for explanation). What I'm going to ask you concerns even the Board. We'll save time.
Richard: ok (he gestures the two of them to sit. Derek clears his throat)
Derek: what happened to me shifted my priorities, definitely. But, since I've started to face all the consequences, both physically and psychologically, it's pretty clear that, whatever will happen, I want to try to continue being a surgeon.
Richard: it's great to hear that.
Derek: and despite everything, if I can overcome my fears, I'd like to stay here. That's the place I've chosen some year ago.
Jennings: you can have your position back even today if you want.
Derek: No… I'm not ready. And probably I won't be for a very long time. I could even never be ready again. I want you to know. I want to stay here, but I don't know if I can. So you could take me back and then… I could leave
Richard: we won't press you into anything.
Derek: I'm in therapy (Jennings shares a look with Richard). I think is right you know even that. I still have panic attacks and… (he breaths out)
Richard: do you want to start to come here as an external observer?
Jennings: Richard… I don't think that…
Derek: that would be great. I can't make surgeries till my therapist won't clear me. But I can supervise and teach and do paper work. If you agree, of course.
Richard: Jennings…
Jennings: It's ok. You can start when you want, even tomorrow. I'll talk with the Board. But for internal procedures and insurance, you need to have a tutor, someone who is responsible for you, who can have information about your healing process.
Richard: I can do that.
Jennings: dr. Sheperd?
Derek: it's fine. Thank you, Richard.
Richard: I own you.
Jennings: we all do (his cell rings and he looks at it). I need to go (he stands up and shakes Derek's hand). See you around then (he goes out and Derek hides his face in his hands)
Richard: we are going to make it, Derek.
Derek: I'd like to be as optimist as you all are
Richard: you need to take it easy. Time makes miracles (Derek nods and stands up)
Derek: Meredith is waiting for me at home. Good night.
Richard: good night. See you tomorrow.
It's where you find solace after the day worn you out.
It's where you make plans, when your life… your idea of life takes shape
(Callie and Arizona are on the couch reading infant magazines)
It's where you suddenly realize you're not alone anymore.
Derek enters Mer's house. He finds her in the kitchen.
Derek: hey (Meredith is washing dishes, she turns around to see Derek leaning on the doorframe)
Meredith: hey… you're home
Derek: finally (he takes a look around, it's been more than a month since he last was in this room). I'm home.
Meredith: you still don't like here, don't you? (Derek gives her a smile and then goes in)
Derek: I do. I missed it. I missed the noise, the disorder and everything that makes this place special (he is in front of Meredith). More than everything I missed you (he kisses her on the lips)
Meredith: how was your day? (Derek shrugs) So bad? (she strokes his cheek)
Derek: how was yours?
Meredith: crappy. I worked for the first time with dr. Brad.
Derek: who is he? (Meredith makes a face and rambles)
Meredith: a neurosurgeon… (it's Derek's turn to be surprised). Hasn't the chief said anything to you?
Derek: no. But he has not to tell me. And how is this new guy? (he closes his arms around her)
Meredith: do we really have to talk about him? (Derek's eyes are locked with hers, he's smiling. He kisses her again, deeper. They are still kissing when Lexie runs into the room fidgeting with her belt)
Lexie: do you want me to stay here or… (she sees the two of them kissing and stops talking. Derek and Meredith part). Oh… I'm sorry… I didn't want to interrupt you….
Meredith: you didn't
Derek: she did
Lexie: I didn't think you were coming home so early. Are you ok?
Derek: yes
Meredith: Lexie… (she looks straight at her sister letting her know she needs to leave)
Lexie: of course. I go. Mark is home waiting for me. Have a good night sleep. Or… not sleep… whatever you want…
Meredith: Lexie…
Lexie: fine… (she waves her hand saying hallo and leaves. The door slams shut and Meredith giggles)
Meredith: you were missing this, right?
Derek: I was. Let's go upstairs, I'm a little bit tired. Do you mind?
Meredith: of course not (they go out the kitchen and start walking down the corridor hand in hand. Derek notices a box at the bottom of the stairs and stops realizing the content)
Derek: That's my stuff… (he looks at Meredith and she seems embarrassed). How did it end up here?
Meredith: We'll talk about it tomorrow (she kisses him quickly) Let's go (she turns around but Derek's keeps her hand and she has to go back)
Derek: Mer…
Meredith: the chief gave your old office to the new guy. When I went to him to discuss cases he had collected all your stuff in two boxes. He was taking them to the deposit so I picked the first one up and brought it home. Tomorrow I'll get the second. I'm sorry… (Derek keeps silent for some second looking at his objects piled up in the box, he then looks up)
Derek: you don't have to be. If everything goes fine, that stuff will be back in my office in no time.
Meredith: what do you mean?
Derek: I talked to the chief tonight. And to Dr. Wyatt the whole day. She thinks going back to work could help me to feel less isolated. It could decrease panic and everything.
Meredith: so you decided to go back to work?
Derek: not really. I won't operate till I'm not fine. And I really don't know how much it will take. I'll also have to talk to a physiotherapist to make rehabilitation. Anyway, in the while, I'll supervise, do paper work, easy stuff (Meredith smiles brightly)
Meredith: it's great. I'm so happy for you
Derek: it's not like they hired me back. I didn't… I didn't want that, I just wanted to try and see if I'm still able to work in this hospital.
Meredith: that's a start however. I'm so proud of you.
Derek: what if I can't do that?
Meredith: I'd love you anyway.
Derek: you said you wouldn't love me if I gave up being a surgeon.
Meredith: that was a stupid thing to say. I was worried about Izzie and… just said that. But I'd love you anyway. Whatever you decide, I'm by your side. Wherever you choose to go, I'll go too. Don't think you can dump me with a little you growing in my gut.
Derek: I'll never do it (he hugs her rocking)
Meredith: good. And I'm sure I'll be working for you in no time. And Dr. Greg Brad will go back to New York dragging his poor ass (Derek giggles)
Derek: you don't like him that much…
Meredith: as I said before, I don't want to waste your first evening home talking about him. We'll have time tomorrow if you still want my impressions. Let's go (she kisses him quickly again and then they go upstairs. She enters her room and falls on the bed. Derek lingers on the door taking a look around). There's dust everywhere, I know (Derek smiles and joins her in bed)
Derek: I wasn't thinking about that (he kisses her and falls on his back). God… this feels so good (his head is on the pillow, Meredith's face is in the crock of his neck, her arm on his chest).
Meredith: we missed you so much (Derek turns to look at her, he rolls on her and kisses her face). We are playing with fire, Der…
Derek: why? (he keeps kissing her everywhere). Do you want me to stop?
Meredith: no, but… (their eyes are locked in a silent conversation and Derek gets she's scared he could have another panic attack)
Derek: I'm fine. And we're gonna do it my way tonight (he presses down with his body on her and starts rummaging her body with both hands)
Meredith: it's a lame excuse, you know (he kisses her neck)
Derek: do I need excuse to kiss my wife?
Meredith: no… (her eyes are closed and her lips are swollen from excitement). But you need it to make me your sex slave (he's taking off her shirt, he lets it fall on the bed and lowers his head on her)
Derek: is it so bad?
Meredith: no… go on please.
Derek: like you command, lady (he kisses her again). Who's sex slave now? (they kiss again)
Home makes you feel safe.
It makes you feel loved.
It's where you feel you belong to somebody.
Forever.