Carly reached the end of the trail and turned around. She smiled brightly at the spectacular view below her. She could barely make out Steve's house in the distance, overly pleased with herself for making the trek. She knew he would have disapproved so she left a note instead of calling him. She had to get out of the house for a while or she would have gone mad. It had been almost a week since she'd been home from the hospital and he'd been working so much, getting call after call and having to leave at a moments notice. She didn't blame him, it was his job and she understood, but being home alone and nothing to do was torture.
She sat down in the dirt and leaned back against a rock. She had only seen two other people on the trail as she was coming up and they were heading down. She took a drink of water and a pain pill for the trip down. The late afternoon sun felt good as it peeked from behind the clouds. There was a nice breeze off the ocean that swept up the hillside, cooling her down. It was a perfect day for walking. She laid her head back and closed her eyes, enjoying the solitude when her cell phone rang.
She felt a little squeamish answering, seeing his picture that displayed. But she couldn't help but smile at the photo. She'd snapped it a couple of days earlier when he had fallen asleep on the couch with the remote in one hand and a package of Oreos lying on his chest.
"You are a naughty girl," Steve said into his phone, standing at the front door looking up toward the mountain where she presumably was.
"Hi," she said sheepishly. He didn't sound angry of course, but she could tell he wasn't happy about it either.
He shook his head, slightly annoyed with her but at the same time liking that adventurous side of her. "Where are you?"
"At the top of the trail. I can see the house. Can you see me waving?" she grinned.
"Naughty, naughty," he scolded her again. "Are you ok?"
"Yes, I'm just resting before coming down."
He glanced at his watch, "Don't wait too long, it's going to be dark soon."
"It's so pretty up here and there's a nice breeze. It's hard to leave."
He knew that trail like the back of his hand. He used to run it three times a week before switching to swimming. He hadn't been up there in a while, picturing the view and agreeing with her evaluation. He came back inside, closing the door. "Do you have water?"
She looked at her bottle that was almost empty. "Yes, but I wish I would have brought some snacks. I'm hungry," she looked back down at the tiny house in the far off distance. "Will you please bring me a sandwich?" she whined.
"Sure," he chuckled, "let me get right on that. You just sit tight and I'll beam myself up."
"Ok, smart ass," she laughed, "I'm heading down in a couple of minutes."
"Be careful and keep your phone on."
"Ahh," she said, pushing herself up off the ground, "Are you worried about me?"
"No," he lied, "I'm worried I might have to run up there and carry your butt down."
"Liar," she said, "You don't have to worry. I'm capable."
"Capable of falling down. It's easy on those trails if you don't pay attention. So pay attention."
"Yes sir!" she said sternly. "Since you can't see me I'm saluting you right now."
"Keep it up," he warned, "I'm not always such a nice guy."
"Liar again," she purred.
He smiled, "Just get moving."
"Bye, bye," she hung up, smiling at the picture that disappeared. She did think he worried too much about her sometimes. It wasn't as if she were in any real danger. She was just walking down. But then she reconsidered her recent life altering events and couldn't blame him. It was actually nice to have people in your life that worried. She felt bad for teasing him about that. She should feel blessed.
She considered her parents then too and what they had gone through over the past month almost losing her, especially since they had already lost one daughter. Her thoughts then drifted to her sister knowing Steve had been apart of her life as well.
She stopped dead in her tracks. Her heart rate soared and it was like she was blinded by a wave of memories of Karen and Steve by a river. Jules was there, and Craig! And Jack! She'd only known him from pictures but suddenly she knew exactly who he was. He was there too!
The hair stood up on the back of her neck as images rapidly flashed in her head, one by one of that fateful day until she was able to put them all together to form a movie that played out in her mind of Karen being pulled away by the water. She wanted to make it stop but it just kept rolling over and over.
She felt weak and reached down, putting her hand on a boulder as she leaned back against it. "Oh my God," she cried!
The memory of her sister being pulled under the rocks was as clear as if she were standing there now. She closed her eyes, picturing Karen's hand as she reached out, gripping another one. "Oh God, Steve!" she gasped, realizing then it was his hand that held on to her. She remembered him looking over his shoulder, screaming out to Craig and Jack, who ran to him over the slippery rocks.
Carly slid down the boulder until she was sitting. Her hand over her heart, tears filled her eyes as the memory ruthlessly spun over and over in her mind. It played out like a horror movie and she felt sick to her stomach remembering the panic and screams on the riverbank from all of them when the water violently took Karen away.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and laid her head on them, sobbing for her sister. It was a horrible memory and she didn't know how she had lived through it. The funeral caught up with her next and she remembered hiding up her room to escape from it. She couldn't recall going to a cemetery or where she was buried. Her mind was racing, picking up on bits and pieces as she asked herself questions. Some answers she knew but others were blank pages.
She fumbled with her phone needing to hear her parent's voice. She needed answers that couldn't wait until she got home. She needed answers now! She wiped away her tears and pushed send.
Jason answered, pleased to be hearing from her. "Hello Honey." His face quickly became concerned over the sound of her voice.
"Oh Daddy," she sobbed, "I remem…" she burst out crying unable to describe what she felt.
"Carly!" he said, trying to remain calm, "Calm down Honey, tell me what happened."
Her lungs felt tight and she couldn't catch her breath. "Kar…Karen." She managed to blurt out between gasps and he knew instantly what was happening.
"Are you remembering Karen's accident Carly?" He felt his own emotions begin to get the better of him. Just hearing the agony in his daughter's voice brought back so many painful memories from that year.
"Yes," she shuttered, gasping between breaths, "and, I remember…I remember how she drowned. I was there!" she sobbed, "I saw it Dad!" She rested her head back on her knees. "We were all there. Oh God Daddy it was horrible."
He wanted to reach thru the phone and touch her, wishing he wasn't an ocean away from her. "Are you with Steve, Carly." He began to worry about her state of mind.
She looked up, fully aware that Steve was the one holding her hand, but the impact of that moment and what he was trying to do hit her full force. "Steve," she said weakly. "He was there," she could hardly breathe getting the words out. "He was trying to pull her out."
"Yes, he tried to…" Jason explained, "he tried to save her, but the current pulled her away from his grip," he said with regret. "It almost killed him too but the other boys pulled him out of the water when he went in after her."
Carly felt numb as her Father explained to her in detail Steve's efforts. Her history with him wasn't about time anymore. She always thought their friendship had been sustained because they knew each other for so long, but it had nothing to do with time. Their relationship was so much more than that. She laid her head back against the rock. "Why didn't anyone tell me that?" The shock was beginning to wear off.
"It was such a horrible experience Carly. We knew you would eventually remember. Can you really blame any of us for not wanting to tell you that story?"
She held the phone and shook her head as fresh tears fell down her cheeks. She looked down the valley toward the house. "Does he still feel that guilt?" she asked, wondering if that was the reason he cared for her so much. Was it really love or did he feel obligated because of Karen?
"I don't think so. He and I talked briefly about it while we were there and you two said your peace to each other after you reunited a couple of months ago."
"You mean on that trip we took at that lake?"
"Do you remember that?" Jason asked, worried that if she remembered the lake then she would remember everything, including the attack. That frightened him.
"No, Jules told me we were together at some lake but I don't remember that."
"That's ok Honey, one day at a time," he assured her. "Are you ok?"
She sniffed, looking out over the ocean seeing the sunset begin to change the colors in the sky, realizing she had taken too long and it would be dark before she could get back. "Yes, I feel better," she said it to appease him. "Thanks Dad. I have to go though. I want to get back before dark."
"Are you sure you're ok? Should I call Steve?"
"No," she replied quickly. She needed a minute to absorb all this before she could speak with him. "I'm alright. I love you Daddy," she said in a child's voice.
"I love you too, Carly."
They hung up and she let the phone drop to her side, still sitting on the ground staring out at the horizon. Her mind fixed on Karen and the vision of Steve as he struggled to hold her.
Steve waited in his truck at the bottom of the trail for her to come down. Time wise he knew it would only be a couple more minutes and she'd be there. He was going to surprise her with a sandwich. He looked at his watch, considering the time and darkness fast approaching; both began to get the better of him. He pulled out his cell phone, bringing up her number.
She saw his picture come up and it was as if he had taken on a whole new identity since she had spoken to him less than an hour before. "Steve?" she answered barely above a whisper.
He heard something in her voice. "What's wrong?"
She bent her head and started to cry again, the combination of hearing his voice and the emotional memory was too much.
"Carly, are you hurt?!" his voice stressing his concern.
"No," she sniffed, not wanting to frighten him anymore than she could already sense that he was. "It's just that…" she paused, wiping her face on the bottom of her shirt, "I remember Karen drowning," her voice broke, "and I remember what happened with you and Karen…and the river."
He looked up through his windshield to where she was, wishing he were there. His heart went out to her hearing that pain in her voice. She was reliving it all over again as if for the first time. He'd had years to deal with it and the forgiveness at the lake house from her had let it settle to a place where he could live with it in peace, she on the other hand wasn't so lucky. Of all the memories she had to regain, why did she have to remember this one? It broke his heart to hear her cry. It was a sound he would never get used to.
"Where are you?" he reached over in the glove compartment and took out a small flashlight.
She shook her head, looking out as the horizon turned dark from the sunset. "I don't know. I'm sorry Steve," she started to cry again, "You've been through so much because of me."
He got out and started jogging for the trail head about fifty feet in front of him. "Are you still on the trail?"
"I don't know why you would want to stay with me when it seems all I give you is grief."
"Stop it Carly! Tell me if you are still on the trail?!" His voice was commanding and stern. It was a tone she'd never heard come from him. She knew he wanted an answer.
"Yes," she started to get up, "I'm coming down now."
"No!" he said in the same tone, "I'm on my way up. Stay where you are."
She slid back down the rock feeling exhausted. "I'm so sorry, Steve."
"There's nothing for you to be sorry for Carly," his voice was back to the calm, placid tone that she knew. "I've never regretted one single day since I met you, and I never will." He started up the dirt trail, "I don't want you to move. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she answered, feeling comforted both by his voice and the fact that he would be there soon.
He slid his phone into the pocket of his shorts and went from a jogging pace to a full-out sprint up the trail.
She rested her head against the rock, beginning to understand the depth of their relationship and why it had survived even after all those years they were apart. Even now, she barely remembered her past with him; yet every night before she went to sleep she could find something new she learned about him that day and every morning she woke up eager to find something else. She shuttered just thinking back at the idea of wanting to go home with her parents. What if she had followed through with that? She felt strongly now that it would have been the single biggest mistake of her life.
He didn't stay with her out of loyalty to Karen; she knew that now. He stayed because of her. It was a euphoric feeling that floated through her, understanding now where those smiles in the photo she had found of the two of them came from. They weren't just two people stumbling through life with a traditional relationship that they had to work on everyday. Somehow she knew it went deeper than that. She never felt it a struggle to make him happy and vice versa. They fit in with each other as if they were meant to be together. She knew what he needed and he knew what she needed. Even the other day when she saw him sitting on the bed, holding the picture, she knew all she had to do was just be a presence in the room and he'd be ok, and he was. Her heart began to race, feeling that same need from him now. It felt crystal clear that all she needed was his presence and she knew she would be ok.
No sooner did that revelation hit her did she see the light he was carrying flash as he sprinted up the trail in the distance, his only mission to get to her as quickly as possible. "Yes," she thought, pushing herself up, "he loves me very much."
She ran toward him, her knees weak but in a different way now. He wasn't the same man to her that she had said goodbye to that morning. He was so much more.
He looked up, seeing her on the trail ahead and stopped about twenty feet from her, tucking the small flashlight in his back pocket. The sweat he had built up wasn't only from the run but from the urgency he felt to get to her in the shortest amount of time. Now that he was here his emotions went from one extreme to another. She walked toward him and as she neared he saw a look on her face that he hadn't seen in so long. His heart rate was already off the charts from the run, but her face was so beautiful the way she was looking at him he actually had to take a step back to brace himself on the slight incline. She didn't stop or take her eyes off his once until she was close enough to wrap her arms around his body, which she did.
She gripped his wet shirt from behind and laid her head on his shoulder that was the perfect height and felt so inviting. She imagined she had done this on a regular basis because it felt so good; even more so when his arms went around her. His chest pushed against hers as his heavy breathing calmed. He was warm and slightly damp from the run but she didn't care. It felt like heaven and she didn't want to let go right away, hoping he wouldn't either.
It was the first real physical contact he'd had from her in over a month. God how he missed her; everything he had gone through was forgotten the second she put her arms around him. All he needed in life was this right here. He returned the gesture, breathing her in like he used too. She felt so good, sliding into that position in his neck that was made for her. His hands roamed over her back, calming her and bringing her in closer.
"Are you ok?" he whispered into her ear.
She nodded into his neck not wanting to let go, and didn't.
They held firm in that position for a long time before she finally released him, getting her fill. She kept her head down with tears still filling her eyes. But that wasn't satisfying enough for him. He had to see her and cupped her cheek with his hand, lifting her face up. He wiped a tear that balanced in the corner of her eyes with his thumb. "Big day huh?"
She nodded into his hand, looking up at the kindheartedness that emulated from him. He was so good to her, and more than anything else, he wanted her. This model of a man that fit the formula any woman in the world would have created if the opportunity arose, and he could have his pick of any of them, but he wanted her. Her whole body felt it and she was more than willing to share with him whatever he craved. She wanted to taste him and experience that next step. 'Please kiss me,' her thoughts implored him.
He let his hand fall, feeling himself getting too caught up in the way she was looking at him. If it had been a month earlier he probably would have found a way to make love to her right then and there, but it wasn't. They had come so far in the last week and he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize what they had built. A kiss would have been so fulfilling, but he wasn't so sure that after what she had just gone through if it would only be fulfilling his need and not hers. He stepped back, reaching down taking her hand instead. "We should go." He took the flashlight out of his back pocket and turned, shining it on the path. "Just follow my footsteps." He gripped her hand firmly, leading the way down.
Her eyes were locked on his back instead of his feet, feeling confident he would take her in the right direction. She felt delirious holding his hand as she followed behind him. His energy soared through her like a drug, lifting her off the ground as if she were walking on clouds. The bond she felt with him getting stronger with every step, knowing that even if he would have decided to walked off a cliff, she would have held on with both hands and gone with him. She trusted him that much.