Heavy trigger warnings for rape, abuse, and panic attacks.
"Since everyone's gone, do you wanna sleep in Fabian's bed for the break?"
Eddie blurts the question out before he has a chance to stop himself. It's dumb and he sounds like a needy child, but he can't help it. He's gotten used to sharing a room with someone. He misses the sound of Fabian's breathing. Fabian always used to fall asleep before him, and Eddie would just let his steady breathing lull him to sleep. It's so weird falling asleep to silence now.
Jerome looks up at him, and Eddie can't quite pinpoint the look on his face. "What?"
"I've had issues sleeping all my life, and I've gotten used to Fabian being in the room, and now there's no one and it's fucking me up, okay?" Eddie says in a rush. "I know I'm being a baby and I should just suck it up, but I can't."
"Whoa, calm down." Jerome stands and faces him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Why're you so nervous? I don't bite. And I don't mind. It's been really lonely in here without Alfie and Mick; I was thinking of asking you the same thing."
He knows Jerome's lying for his benefit, but he doesn't care. Jerome is used to this. He's been staying at the house on breaks ever since he got here. This is Eddie's first time. It'll be the hardest for sure.
"I know I'm a wreck." He swallows hard, avoiding Jerome's eyes. "I know I'm pathetic. If you really don't want to, you don't have to. I can handle things on my own."
Jerome doesn't answer and his heart sinks further, until he's pulled into a tight hug. Jerome squeezes him tightly, and Eddie sighs, burying his face in Jerome's shoulder and closing his eyes.
"You're not a wreck," Jerome murmurs. "And you're not pathetic either. Come on, talk to me." He maneuvers them so they're both sitting on his bed. "I know you've been through some rough shit, and I haven't tried to pry, but you've been a mess recently and I'm worried. What's going on?"
"Nothing," Eddie insists, lifting his head and rubbing at his eyes. "I'm fine. Just tired."
"You really must be out of it if you think I actually believe that."
"I'm fine," Eddie repeats. "It's a bad day. Everyone has bad days."
"Every day is a bad day for you," Jerome deadpans. "It's more than that. Patricia said this morning that you were scaring her, and I see what she means."
"She thinks I'm gonna go off the deep end and kill myself."
"Is that really so far-fetched?" Jerome asks. "With the way you've been acting, I kinda agree. And honestly, your arms scare me too. You might not intend to kill yourself but accidentally cut too deep. That's the even scarier part."
This is new for him. He's not used to having people worry about him. Back home, no one did. His mom didn't give a shit and all his stepfather worried about was how he was going to hide the bruises to keep people from finding out what went on behind closed doors. "Jesus…I'm fine, alright? It's nice to know you care but I'm fine. I'm not gonna go crazy and try to kill myself."
"What happened in America? With your mom?"
Eddie's heart immediately begins to pound. He feels cold all of a sudden, the cool feeling washing over his body in waves. He pulls away from Jerome and shrinks into himself, staring down at his lap and trying to calm his churning stomach and racing mind. He can't do this. Not now.
"Hey, don't panic on me." Jerome pulls him back in and rubs his back firmly. "Take some deep breaths. You're okay."
"Sorry," Eddie mumbles, after he's calmed down enough to speak. "I just…I'm not ready to talk about that. Not now. Maybe soon, but I can't right now."
Jerome falls asleep at almost midnight, and Eddie's still awake.
The only light in the room is from his laptop, and even that's dim as hell because the bright light was hurting his eyes. He's so tired, so exhausted from the day's events, but he's forcing himself to stay awake. He's forcing himself not to succumb to his body's need for sleep because his nightmares have been awful recently and he's scared.
He dreams of his stepfather raping him, of the brutal trauma that it caused, and it disgusts him. He's so disgusted in his body and what he's turned into. He's turned to cutting so much more recently as an attack on his skin, an attack on his weakass body that wasn't able to prevent multiple counts of forced entry. It's disgraceful and so is he and every time he thinks about it he feels sick.
He still doesn't understand how someone could do that to their own stepson. It'd be worse if they were biologically related, but this on its own is still so awful. The worst part is his mom didn't even care. He remembers telling her what happened and being greeted with blind rage, making him out to be the bad person, victimizing his stepfather…it was bad.
Nausea swells in his stomach and he brings a hand to cover his mouth shakily. Slamming the lid of his laptop shut, he untangles his blanket from his legs and tumbles out of bed. He runs for the bathroom just in time to vomit violently into the toilet. He sits back on his knees when he's done, staring into the dirty water with tears running down his cheeks.
What the fuck did he do to deserve this?
He takes a few deep breaths as his stomach finally settles, and wipes his mouth tiredly. He needs to sleep. He's so tired and this day has been so taxing. It needs to be over. He brushes his teeth and then goes straight for his bed, hoping this sleep is peaceful.
"Stupid fucking piece of shit! Your mom told me that you told her our little secret. What did I tell you?"
"Not to tell anyone," Eddie coughs, as his stepfather slaps him once more. "Please, I'm sorry! I forgot!"
"Forgot?" David sneers. "You didn't forget. You did what you always do, you little bitch." He begins unzipping his pants, and Eddie stares at him. There's no use fighting it. He's found that just letting it happen makes the torture end quicker. His stepfather is always more merciless when he's angry.
He reaches forward, unzipping Eddie's pants and tugging them off. Eddie squirms uncomfortably and tries to scoot away, tries to scream, tries anything that will keep this from happening, but nothing works.
"Giving up that easily?" David smirks, chuckling. "You've gotten weak. You used to be so good at this. Don't let your stupid fucking feelings get in the way."
Tears are flowing freely down his face and he's shaking his head vigorously, holding his hands up in surrender. "Please, please don't. I'll be good, I promise. Please, it hurts, I can't do this. I'll do anything else, anything you want, just not this."
"Stop fucking crying! Boys don't cry, you useless piece of shit!" David growls. "Stupid fucking pansy. Stop crying!"
He enters him forcefully, and by then, Eddie's had enough. He screams and his resolve crumbles as more tears flood his cheeks. He's entering a world of unbearable agony and he can't do it. Everything hurts, but he somehow feels numb. He's at that point where he wants to cry but has no tears left. His head hurts and he doesn't want to feel it anymore. He doesn't want to feel anything anymore.
Jerome is terrified.
He's standing next to Eddie's bedside, watching as Eddie tosses and turns, mumbling incoherent things and screaming in his sleep. He's having a nightmare, a pretty bad one at that, and Jerome has no idea what to do.
He reaches forward and puts a hand on Eddie's shoulder, but immediately retracts it when he flinches violently and curls into himself. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to help him. Part of him is seriously considering texting Fabian and asking for help, but it's 4 am and therefore 11 pm in America, so Fabian's probably already asleep.
"Fuck," he whispers, grabbing at his hair. "What the hell do I do now?"
"Please don't, please stop, I'm sorry!" Eddie cries. Jerome whips around and his heart sinks when he sees Eddie continue to writhe. The only difference is that what he's saying now is coherent and audible, and it breaks Jerome's heart.
"I'll be good, please, I don't want it, no, stop!"
He can't keep watching this.
He turns and slips out of the room, into the dark hallway. The sun's not even out yet. He's groggy and disoriented and unsure if his idea will even work, but it's worth a shot. He climbs the stairs quickly, and makes his way over to Patricia, Mara, and Joy's room. Obviously Patricia's the only one there right now, so the only person he'll disturb is the only person he needs awake.
He knocks on the door loudly, hoping he doesn't wake Victor as well. That's not a battle he wants to fight right now.
It takes a good five minutes before Patricia opens the door, glaring at him. "What the actual fuck is your problem? It's 4:10 in the morning!"
"I need your help," he whispers. "It's Eddie."
She looks more alert after he tells her that, following him downstairs and into Fabian and Eddie's room without a word.
"Is he having a nightmare or something? Jesus christ." Eddie's still tossing and turning, limbs flailing. There are tears streaming down his cheeks and he's screaming. It breaks Jerome's heart.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'll be good I promise just please don't!"
Patricia grabs Jerome's arm, using it to steady herself. She stares at Eddie, dumbfounded. This is terrifying. "Did he just…"
"Do something!" Jerome begs. "I don't know what to do! I don't know how to help him!"
"Eddie, Eddie come on." Patricia sits on the edge of the bed and grabs his shoulder. Eddie flinches under her touch but stills slightly. "That's it. You're doing good. I need you to wake up for me. You're okay. Everything's okay, I promise. Just try and open your eyes, okay? I'm right here. I'm here to help you."
Patricia continues shaking Eddie's shoulder, trying to blink back the tears in her eyes. She has no idea when she started caring about Eddie this much, but if she's getting this emotional over his suffering then she clearly cares about him a lot. The threat of tears only becomes worse as he kicks and screams and mutters things about promising to be a good boy. Her previous suspicions about abuse are basically confirmed. Someone hurt him, someone hurt him really badly, and he's still dealing with it. The wounds are still raw. And it is so heartbreaking.
It takes close to ten minutes to get through to him, to startle him out of this sleepy hell, and she is so glad it's finally over. He's not in pain anymore. She's so grateful for that.
Eddie's body jerks one final time, and then his eyes flutter open. He looks around wildly, tears continuing to stream down his cheeks.
"Hey, you okay?" Patricia pulls her hands away and just looks at him. He really scared them, and from the looks of it, he looks pretty terrified as well. Her heart breaks for him. All she wants to do is bring him into the tightest hug she can and promise him he'll be alright, but she knows she can't do that. She knows it's too soon, that he's too fragile. The last thing she wants to do is hurt him even more.
"I…" Eddie starts to say, but trails off, shaking his head. "Sorry…"
"You have nothing to be sorry for," she says firmly. "Can I…can I hug you?"
Eddie looks at her warily for a few seconds before he nods. She smiles, leaning in and pulls him into her arms, squeezing tightly. She wishes a hug were enough to fix him. She wishes her touch could heal his fresh wounds. She wishes love and affection was enough; although she knows they're not. She knows that he's been hurt too much for that, that everything is still raw and he's still dealing with the fresh trauma. He can't even begin to accept what happened if nightmares keep plaguing him like this. It's hard to move on when the past is determined to ruin the future, sneaking up with surprise attacks when they're definitely not wanted.
"Move, gimme a turn." Jerome shoves her away from Eddie, and she brings her arms up to cross them over her chest. She watches Jerome bring Eddie into a careful hug, his lips moving rapidly close to Eddie's ear. She isn't close enough to hear what he's saying, but she catches a couple words like 'scared' and 'night'.
"You've been through this before, haven't you?" Jerome pulls away from Eddie to sit down next to him, and they both look at Patricia. She shrugs. "You look freaked, but it doesn't seem shocking. You'd be a lot more shocked if this was your first rodeo. How long has it been happening?"
"Years," Eddie mutters. "I don't remember what a good night's sleep is anymore."
"Let's not do this now," Jerome says. Patricia takes another glance at Eddie and sees immediately his reasoning for trying to divert the conversation. Eddie is still shaking, avoiding their eyes. He has his arms draped across his abdomen and his head down, very clearly uncomfortable. Talking about this would only make it worse. "It's almost 4:30, let's all just try and go back to sleep. We can talk when the sun's up."
Eddie snorts. "Hilarious. Like I'm going to sleep after this."
"You need to sleep. You look like hell, mate."
"Then hit me in the head with something hard, because that's the only way it'll happen."
I'm so far ahead and there are so many twists coming up, so I had to post this. I'm excited for you all to read the rest. There's a lot you'll love and a lot you won't. ;) Next chapter, the aftermath of this, Amber and Alfie's conversation with Amber's father, and Eddie's ready to open up. The more reviews I get, the quicker you get the chapter.
Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed.