Author's Note
Yay, another chapter! It might be a few more days before the next one, I have to work for the next four days. Alas, the need for money...
Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It is a little bit jumpy, but there was some major things that happened and I didn't want to spend another three chapters going over them in major detail so...
Tada! And of course, more hints at what Gaaruto is, hehehe.
As always, reviews serve to inspire!
Naruto
I was on day six since Sakura gave me my ultimatum. A week. She had given me a week to decide to kill my baby, or have them decide to do it for me.
Neither was an option I could choose. Which left me exactly one day to figure out how in the hell I was going to pull off the deception of the century. Ever since I had found out I was pregnant and turning entirely into a girl, which in itself was so freaky I couldn't even try to comprehend it, my body was changing. I had shrunk about another inch, and my freaking chest started hurting. It was getting soft on me. All my hard work to maintain a figure and here I was starting to get boobs. If I was going to grow them, I seriously hoped they were going to at least get big enough to be worth it. I mean, how in the world would Gaara ever see me as sexy if I didn't have a descent set?
Also, right on cue, four days after Sakura gave me my initial dose of painkiller, the pain kicked back in fully. I was very thankful for the sedative supply that grandma Tsunade had given me, though she didn't speak a word to me when I went to retrieve it. It had been awkward, she still didn't seem too happy that I had knocked up some girl.
She didn't know that I was that girl, and that I was probably going to be creating some crazy international incident considering that the father was the Kazekage, and it would be his first born natural child.
Natural. Well, that was kind of a stretch. It was a small miracle this baby even existed in the first place, and I would do everything in my power to keep that existence going.
Even if it meant lying to everyone I knew. It simply wasn't safe any other way. I had made my way back to my little room in the library where I had unfortunately destroyed my bookshelf carving. I had a new slab of wood there now, with the intention of once again carving it.
I was pretty mad at myself for destroying it in a fit of crazy in the first place. I had just been a little hormonal at the time. I smiled at that. It was weird, but it was kind of a fun excuse to use for the things I did that had no real explanation. Like explode months worth of work because Gaara ran away. Hadn't I done the exact same thing to him a couple of months before? Yes. Yes I had. I would like to use that excuse for my actions then, but I would have been, what? A day or two along at that point?
Pregnant...
Well, that was a word I had never thought would be used to describe me. I picked up my carving tools and started scraping away at the wood there. Recess the edges, leave the center for the image.
Scrape, scrape, smooth and scrape. This place was a bit of an odd area and I hadn't told too many people about it yet. I thought my work was embarrassing, and not a lot of people remembered Genno with as much fondness as I did, so my reasons for reviving this district had been tossed off as some simple project for bettering Konoha.
They didn't know I had any other connection, nor did they know anything about the library. It would be the perfect place to hide. But how could I hide?
Scrape.
I couldn't just stop showing up for work, and if Sakura didn't see me soon, she would tell everyone I was sick, there would be search parties and they would find me much quicker than I could afford.
Scrape.
Not to mention that if the Hokage suddenly disappeared it would send the entire village into a complete panic.
Scrape- Shit.
Blood dripped down onto the wood beneath me and I dropped the carving knife I was using. Well damn.
Shit hell freaking damn, that was a lot of freaking blood. Panic. My heart raced as I bounced as I pressed the bandages on my right hand into the gash I had created on the left. Stop bleeding, Damn it!
I couldn't just walk into the hospital like this, it would be obvious there was something very off with me. And Sakura would see me. And she would kill...
Like hell that was going to happen. Come on Naruto, think! How could I have been so stupid? All of my spare chakra was being leeched into my abdomen, where there was something growing there that needed it a hell of a lot more than I did.
So let's stab ourselves with a freaking carving knife. Damn it!
I dropped to the floor and sat with my legs crossed as I calmed myself. "Breathe Naruto, can't let yourself bleed out, you won't just be killing yourself anymore, now will you?" Think. I needed...
I needed to...
I needed another hand or two that was better at first aid than I was. My eyes widened. Well. There was him. Why hadn't I thought of talking to him sooner? He was a voice of reason, maybe he would have some clue on what I could do to help my situation.
And stop me from bleeding to death.
That was probably the most important thing at the moment. The whole 'not dying' thing. I took a deep breath. Concentrate. I brought my hands in front of my chest, crossing my fingers. On the bright side, with the painkillers I was on, my hand didn't really hurt...
Focus.
I moved my hands, forcing them into the hand signs that would wield the results I needed, pushing through as much chakra I could muster and...
Pompf! I sighed relief at the sound of a conjured clone. Thank goodness. My sight began to blur and I fell back. Too much chakra... "Dang it." The world faded away and darkness surrounded me.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
I was comfortable. Covered. Warm. Where was I? I wearily opened my eyes and found myself staring up at the ceiling of the library. I sat up and noticed that I was laying on a small cot with a blanket. I didn't have any of that in here. Where did it come from?
"I see you are awake now." I froze at the voice. Soft, deep and oddly kind. "Might I ask what you were thinking using the last of your chakra to bring me here when you could simply have gone to the hospital like any sane human being would have done?"
I looked over to the man who was speaking to me and felt tears in my eyes. It had been a while since I had brought him out. I couldn't bear it. It simply hurt too much, hurt too much to see him, hear him. "Neji..."
"I should have just left you on the floor to bleed to death. Unfortunately for me I have no idea if I would die along with you so I figured it best to save you. You should be very grateful for that." He came up and knelt down in front of me. "Had to summon a clone of yours in order to get me the supplies I needed. I can't personally walk around town without people freaking out. I am dead you know." He narrowed his eyes, "Any ideas why everyone seemed so surprised to see you running around, Naruto?"
I swallowed as I stared into the eyes that were so much like Hinata's. "I still can't get over how much you sound like him, sorry."
He sighed. "I sound the same as I did when you made me, why wouldn't I sound this way? It is how you remembered the voice." He picked up my hand to inspect it. "Were you actually trying to kill yourself this time?"
"No. I slipped." I pointed over at the bloody carving that I had been working on.
His eyes followed where I had pointed. "I thought you gave up on that, you were terrible at it."
I looked away from him and decided not to answer. He was going to kill me once he found out how much trouble I had actually gotten myself into.
"Well, even without your ridiculous ability to heal, your wound is hardly fatal. I was successfully able to stop the bleeding." He paused as he set my hand back down. "I want you to know that I am quite angry with you, Naruto Uzumaki. You left me to rot, and not only did you leave me to rot, you put that in with me. Of all the insane things to do. Do you know what I have been through, sitting in that little room in your head, dealing with that insane, irritating, stubborn, vile and filthy being? What had you been thinking?"
I glared at him. Dang. It wasn't even like he was real or anything. He should just be freaking happy he even existed. "Why in the world do I even miss you? You are such a jerk, Neji."
He smiled. "You made me this way, do not complain to me for the way that I act. At least I am far more reasonable than that idiot you forced me to room with."
I groaned. "Don't remind me. I had to do it Neji, he escaped once."
"How precisely was that my problem to solve?"
"Because you are smarter than me, and I knew you would keep him where he was supposed to be. In my subconscious, and definitely not out in the world trying to bed my wife." I snorted. "Oh hell with it, maybe I should let him out to bed my wife. Not like she is going to be for much longer."
"What do you mean? You are having problems with my cousin?"
"You can say that, yeah." I sat up in the bed and swung my legs over the side. "Tricked me into doing something stupid. She filed for an annulment a year before she told me, though she told me the day I was going to ask for the same thing." I gripped the side of the cot. "Is it weird that I am kind of relieved about that?"
He moved up and sat next to me. He looked forwards to the carving that I had been working on. "You taught me that destinies can change. Perhaps that is what is going on with you, maybe you wanted to have a different destiny? As I recall, through your eyes in your memory of me, isn't that what I had chosen to do? I chose to give my life for you and Hinata as a way to carve my own destiny."
I studied him a moment. He was nothing but a memory, but it was remarkable how much he acted like him. How I thought Neji would have acted anyway. I took a deep breath. I needed to share my secret with someone. Why not share it with one of my other secrets? "Look at me Neji, really freaking look at me."
He turned his head to me with an odd look on his face. "Don't get me wrong, Naruto, but you do know that I am just a clone made out of your memories of the person that I look and sound like, and not actually Neji? I cannot use that ability." His face was serious.
I laughed at him. "I know, you idiot, I mean, use your damn eyes. It is pretty obvious at this point. What do you see when you look at me?"
"An idiot." He paused, then sighed, "Alright, fine." His eyes narrowed and they traveled around as he took me in. He groaned, "I haven't been out in over ten years, I don't know what you want me to see."
"I'm shrinking, my stomach is getting a bit bigger and my chest is puffy."
He pressed a hand to my chest and I hissed in response. "I see." He retracted his hand and folded it with his other in his lap. "You wish to confide in me. Otherwise, you would have just used a regular clone to help you with your wound, and not me. Not that I am complaining about being able to move around, but you usually don't want me reminding you of the precious person that you had lost."
"Yeah, you got me there." I flashed him a smile. After a moment I let it fall. "I screwed up, Neji, I need your help."
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
He stared at me for at least ten minutes after I finished telling him everything -almost everything- that had happened. I had conveniently left out the father and I was happy that he hadn't said a word while I was telling him everything, but I didn't think that he would be quiet for so long. "Come on, say something!" I paced in front of him. I needed something. Anything. Answers, ideas, anything.
"It is entirely impractical to hide. It would be suicide."
I glared at him. "Only until I know it is safe to tell the truth about it, if I let myself die, we both will. You and that idiot probably will too, and maybe Kurama, but I wouldn't let him know about that."
"I bet he already knows. His chakra is being directed to the child, is it not? How could he not notice why?"
I stared at him. "Well, I guess." I never really thought about that.
"You know that I am correct on that matter, but that isn't the issue we need to address. If you are correct, you have less than a day before you lose the choice about keeping your child." His face twisted, "This is hardly a conversation I thought I would ever have to have with you."
"Never thought it would be either." I flopped back down onto the cot.
"I think the solution will be quite simple. It will exhaust you, but... I think it would work." His voice was quiet, almost as though he didn't want to say.
"What is it?"
"Make another like myself. I know you don't have much chakra to work with, so it will take everything you have to do it, but..." He took a deep breath, "If you can pull it off, it will be the easiest way to both keep up appearances as well as keep your real self hidden."
I stared at him. He couldn't be serious. "Neji, do you know how much energy it takes to make a permanent clone? I've barely been able to do a basic clone every day, I would have to try and save up some chakra and then I'm still not sure that I would be able to-"
"Use some of mine. It will take more to kill me than a little loss of chakra. When you have the kid, which I don't even want to fathom how you will, then you can give me some back. I am not about to die just because you decided to have a baby."
"You think it will work then?" My hand made its way to my stomach and rested there. "Do you think we can keep it safe?"
"Yes." His eyes focused on where my hand was resting. "Before we continue, I desire to know who the father is. Do I know him?"
I nodded. "Yes, you know him."
"Is he from Konoha?"
I shook my head no and he narrowed his eyes. He knew my memories well enough to figure it out. "You wouldn't have. It is political suicide, Naruto, you don't think they will just allow the child to be raised here do you?"
Tears began to blur my vision. "No, I am sure they wouldn't allow it."
"What are you planning to do then? After you hide, after you protect the child, after your secret is revealed, what are you planning on?"
"I don't know, Neji. I don't know." My cheeks felt wet and I gripped at my stomach tighter. "I just need to get to that point. I don't care what happens then, I don't really care."
He sighed. "I will help you. If you need anything at all, I will help you."
I nodded, unable to respond. He might not be a real person, but if felt good to have a body that would at least try to help with this. "Neji, help me figure out what memories he will have."
"Alright."
And we went to work.
o.o.o.o.o. .o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
I woke up on the cot once again completely alone and exhausted. I almost thought that my visit with Neji and the creation of a new permanent clone was just in my head, but then I wouldn't be able to explain away the cot that sat in the middle of the tiny room in the library. Well, my room now. I couldn't even go back to the Hokage tower and my room there. That meant I only had six doses of medicine on me. I was somewhat happy that I had decided to bring some of my supply here because I knew I would be spending so much time in this place.
I hadn't realized how much time I would be spending in this place, but still. At least there was a cot in there. And a bathroom at the back of the library. I froze in place. I couldn't just be waltzing around as if I were still me, someone was bound to notice that their Hokage was wandering around town looking sicker than the one that was in office at the moment. Eventually, somebody would get suspicious. I got out of bed and noticed a small package on the slab of wood that I had been carving. What was that?
I approached it slowly, just in case someone had found me out and left some kind of trap. I knew I was being a bit paranoid, but I had more than just me to think about now. I noticed a small note next to the package and picked it up to read. It had elegant lettering in cursive. Neji. So he stayed around a while after I had passed out then.
Naruto,
I know you wouldn't have thought about a disguise, so I picked up some special makeup and clothing to help you blend in with the help of a henge. I would suggest keeping to a female disguise, it should be easier on you as you change. Call me out if you are in need.
Neji
I set down the note and picked up what he had picked me up and cringed when I opened the package. Inside there was the necessary filler I needed to use to fill in my facial marks, which I had specially formulated for me some time after the war. It had been rather annoying to be followed constantly and every once in a while, a guy just had to get away and have some alone time. Guy. Heh, right, how ironic was that?
That isn't what had made me cringe though. It was what else that bastard had decided to buy for me. There was some random makeup, which I had no idea how to even use properly, and clothes.
As in dresses. Bastard. Like I was even a girl yet. Couldn't I just henge a dress? How freaking weird.
I sighed. Probably not. It would be everything I could do just to change my hair. Easier. He was right. The less I had to change, the less chakra I would need to use it. With the makeup and the clothes, the only thing that would be a giveaway would be the hair. I sighed. So this was really happening. It felt as though there were a weight in my stomach as I took out the small mirror at the bottom of the bag. Well, there was no time like the present. I quickly put in the filler and moved on to the random things of makeup. There were a few different sticks in bright and skin tones colors, little boxes also filled with different colors and a few tubes of odd looking liquid like substances. How in the hell did anyone use this stuff on a daily basis? Screw it. I would look like a damned clown if I attempted that.
I eyed the dress, fishnet stocking and heels that were the most modest of the two choices he had left me. It was black with a bit of green at the hips with a green undershirt. He at least could have gotten me something that was orange.
Then again, that would likely help someone discover who I was considering I didn't know that many people besides myself that liked the color that much. I put the annoying outfit on. So freaking uncomfortable. At least it came down to my ankles and was a bit loose. I had no chance at trying to be a ninja at the moment, so might as well pretend to be a regular citizen. I concentrated on my hair. The only thing I could think of was my mom's hair. Long, red and straight. I looked in the mirror and smiled softly. Odd, I kind of looked like her with my hair like that. I set down the mirror and I looked at the shoes.
No.
No way in hell was I even going to try them on.
I put on my regular shoes and headed out. It was nerve-wracking, walking out in the street while pretending to be a girl, not me, not the Hokage, don't look at me.
It was easier than I had thought. I smiled half way to Ichiraku. I had heard someone talk about how the Hokage had agreed to a television interview in a week.
It had worked. I felt bad for him though. The memories I had given him, they weren't pleasant. Sakura would want to know what had happened. Neji had come up with the idea that it made sense that having Kurama end the pregnancy would be the best explanation. I agreed with him. She would know he wasn't carrying a child. But he would remember it. He would have loved it, as much as I had.
And he would feel the loss of that child. It was a feeling I did not want to ever experience myself. I hoped that he would be smart and keep himself alive so that I would never have to have those phantom memories.
I waved at someone as I passed by. They smiled and waved in return. This might actually work.
It had to.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
It was easier to stay inside. I could keep my regular clothes on, and I didn't need to keep the henge on my hair if I stayed in the library. It had been two weeks since I had created the fake me, and it was working like a charm. Nobody recognized me on my rare trips into the outside world, and the village was buzzing with news of the random things the Hokage was doing.
I had never been more pleased not to be that person. It was a really odd feeling. Did I really hate being the Hokage that much? That just two weeks in hiding I feared going back to doing what I had been? I knew. I knew I wouldn't be. I hated knowing that, but there was no way I could. Not with what I had done.
I had lied. I placed a clone in the office full time. I could no longer fight.
That last bit was the hardest part of it all. Chakra. I was next to fully drained constantly. I was tired. I was sore.
At least, I was no longer getting sick. Which was normal it seemed. I had gotten bored and hiding out in a library had its advantages. Like now I knew my baby was around the size of a kidney bean if it was developing correctly. I hoped it was, there was no way to know without seeing a doctor, and that would defeat the purpose of me hiding out in the library in the first place. Though, I would have to figure out a way to get out soon. Gaara was coming in a week. The meeting was scheduled, and I needed to talk to him. Before the imposter did. Who knew what he would do, probably mess everything up. That would be great, wouldn't it? I seriously had no idea what I would say to him though. The thought of seeing him actually sent me into a small panic attack every time I thought about it for too long.
I really had no idea what I was going to do.
I had been working hard on my carving again, after picking up a hand guard so that I didn't have a repeat of my previous incident. I couldn't afford to go through that again. It had been taking form, two figures in the middle, arms outstretched. It was still pretty bad, recognizable, but still bad. Neji was right, I sucked at this, but it was keeping me occupied.
I was going to lose my mind by the end of this. At least, I only had a month and a week left before I came forward. That is the time I had decided on. Month five. They wouldn't dare kill a child at that point, would they? It would be past the half way point. I could last that long on my own, couldn't I? I had already used three doses of my medicine, which only left three more. I would need to space them out in order to get me through that long. I should probably have thought of that before I had used the other three, but I wasn't thinking.
I laughed. I was being hormonal again. Did that even fit as an explanation for that? Did it even matter? I paced the room. Bored. I was seriously bored. Maybe I could read something.
I didn't even like reading. That was how freaking bored I was. I exited my little room and made my way through the maze of carved bookshelves. What to read, what to read. I wandered around for a while and just looked at the books with no real goal in mind. They all looked the same to me. Somehow, after about an hour of randomly walking around the place, I ended up in the children's section.
Why had I gone there? I sighed. Well, might as well look. I knelt down and looked through the smaller shelves there. I was oddly happy that I left this place without a librarian. Technically the place was open, but had no attendants. It was a bit of an oversight, a dumb one that left it open to being robbed, but it left me with some much needed privacy. That, and I could lie and say that I was the attendant. That would be a good cover wouldn't it?
I found myself holding onto a thin, square picture book. It was kind of silly and sported a picture of two bunnies. But, I found I couldn't put the little thing down. Guess how much I love you. The last line in the book made me smile, a strange warmth filling my heart as I had read it. I love you right up to the moon and back.
I hugged the little thing to my chest and headed back to my room. This little being that was growing inside of me, this little person, I loved it. More than I could even fathom, it was strange. It was a different sort of love, a protective love. The 'I would do anything for this person' kind of love.
So that was the difference. A mother's love. It was still a bit weird to think of myself in that light. I thought I had understood that sort of love with Himawari and Boruto, and I loved them fiercely, but this... This was mind blowing. At least, I now understood why Hinata didn't want to leave Boruto with a babysitter for a long time, why she stayed home instead of continuing on missions. I wondered if that feeling would grow after it was born. I couldn't help but think that it would. I should probably apologize to her for hounding her about all that.
I clicked the door shut to my little room and held out the book. I doubted the baby would be able to hear, but I felt oddly compelled to read the book to it. I opened the cover and began to read, slowly pacing the floor as I did. I left my voice low as I spoke to my stomach. If I had any say in the matter, this child would know how much I wanted it, how much I loved it. No matter the circumstances of their conception, this child deserved life, and if I had to do it again, I would. I spoke my heart to my child, spoke my emotions, my hopes, my desires into those words.
I was so wrapped up in my production of the simple, yet powerful message that I failed to hear the door open. I hadn't expected it. Nobody ever came into that place.
But then, I came face to face with the one person I had not expected to see.
I found myself staring into the most beautiful jade colored eyes, which were wide, staring at me as though they had seen a ghost.
Gaara.
Damn it, it was freaking Gaara.
What in the hell was he doing here? He was a week early! What was I going to do? I wasn't ready.
He started to visibly shake. Tears welled into his eyes. Without thinking I dropped the book and went to him as he fell to his knees. What was going on? What had happened for him to have this sort of reaction? Was it why he was in Konoha a week early? Sakura... Sakura didn't tell him, did she?
No, she wouldn't do something like that. She thought killing the baby was the best choice, and it would be pretty stupid to clue the father in on it.
His hands went to my sides, pulled me into him and he sobbed. He outright sobbed. "Gaara? Hey, what is going on?"
"I don't get it. What do you want from me? What in the hell do you want from me?" His voice was rough and tight.
I stared down at him. Me, I was what was wrong with him. I brought my hand to his head. His hair felt a bit greasy yet still a bit soft. This was too much. His head was resting on my stomach. Without him knowing, he was resting it on our child. His child. The precious life we had created. In that brief moment I knew I had made the right choice. I had to fight for this, this possibility.
I wasn't ready to tell him yet. What would happen? It could start a war, he wasn't exactly known for his patience and understanding. I couldn't risk him flipping out and destroying part of Konoha in a blind rage.
"Don't you dare cry, Gaara. Not for me." I lifted his head just a little, the look in his eyes broke my heart. Don't cry, because I love you, it hurts too much to see you cry. "Give me some time? Will you do that for me?" I kissed the kanji on his forehead, thankful for his silence. "I will come to you when I am ready, I give you my word. I will come to you..." I stepped back from him. He was still shaking. I wanted to hold him. He stared forwards, his eyes not even focusing on me. I hesitated. I wanted him to know. I wanted him.
But it wasn't the right time yet. Not yet. I wasn't ready.
I had to ensure the safety of our baby.
I had to figure out a way to let him know that I was having his child without forcing his hand in marrying me.
Married to Gaara. How weird would that be?
The idea was amazing though.
I quickly slipped out of the room before I changed my mind, hoping that he would find it in his heart to wait for me until I was ready.