And Coulson was proved right once again. Loki did lose. The battle proved harder than he had anticipated. The humans put up a fight. He knew they would. He just hadn't known how effective it would be. Perhaps conviction was indeed vital when you were fighting for your life. And his conviction wavered again, and again. For one moment he almost allowed Thor to talk him down. Thor of all people.
Loki had looked out over the battle and been so exhausted he could have stopped right then and there…but he needed to save Earth. He needed to do this.
He had stabbed Tor. Hoping against hope that he could wound Thor enough that the man would have to pull out of the fight. Thor couldn't defeat Thanos. But if he were weak enough that he had to pull out of the fight…return to Asgard…perhaps the whole battle would be over before he had recovered.
But the wound hadn't been bad enough for that. Thor had kept fighting. But it wasn't Thor who defeated him.
It was Banner. The large, green monster had been shockingly strong. As Loki had been bashed against the floor, he slipped for a few precious hours into unconsciousness and when he awoke…it was all over. He didn't know exactly how but it didn't matter. The portal was closed. The Avengers had the Tesseract. It was over.
The humans had won and Earth would be lost. Thanos would come. Not today. Perhaps not even this year. But he would come. And then Earth, Meredith's home, would be destroyed. Her grave would be lost to the universe. As would Peter's.
Loki was so very tired. He could see Earth's doom written and he told himself that he couldn't afford to care. He had lost too much already. And so he had smiled at the heroes ranged against him, and said, "If it's all the same to you, I'll have that drink now."
Odin did he need that drink. But sadly it was not forthcoming.
He spent the night in a SHEILD holding cell but he didn't sleep. Every nerve was tense because he knew what was coming. He knew where he was going next. Asgard. It felt like centuries since he had hung over the void and chosen to let go. Since he had sat in Odin's throne and refused to lift Thor's banishment. Since he had seen Frigga.
For one brief, flash of a moment he wondered if Frigga would look on him and know everything. Know what he had been through. Know the jumbled mess of wounds and sours his mind had become.
But why would she? It had been many, many years since Frigga had seen behind the masks he wore. And to drop the mask now was as unthinkable as it was impossible. It was welded on and he could not wrench it off even if he so desired.
When Thor came for him the next day, neither spoke. Loki had nothing to say, Thor probably too much.
He was taken outside somewhere and the others were present. He saw the Widow whisper something to Barton and Barton give an ugly almost cruel smile. He didn't blame Barton, but he hoped that he had not twisted the man too much, had not blotted out the light in him that had recognized the light in the Widow. He thought of Meredith and hoped her illness had never darkened her.
He grasped the tesseract, there was no point on fighting now, and felt the pull as he and Thor were pulled up to Asgard.
When he was brought before the Allfather and Allmother, he was at the end of his rope. He just…wanted it to be over. And so he played the part Odin expected to see. He acted cruel. He knew he pained Frigga but he didn't care. She begged him not to make it worse. Selfish, he thought, doesn't she see that this is what I need? I need Odin to end this. To end me. Order my death and let me be done! I need to make this worse! Help me Frigga to make this worse! Don't plead for me! Don't ask for mercy!
Odin sent her out and Loki was glad of it. A dull ache throbbed through him when he saw her destressed. Would she come to his execution? He almost fancied that when it came to say a final goodbye, he would be able to set the past aside and just a enjoy a final moment with her.
"I really don't see what all the fuss is about," said Loki.
"Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes? Where ever you go there is war, ruin and death," Odin had demanded. It was almost insulting how easily Odin believed the part Loki was playing for him. If Loki had had any emotion to spare, he would have been hurt. But there were too many other wounds.
"I went down down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent God. Just like you."
"We are not Gods. We are born, we live, we die. Just as humans do," Odin had said.
"Give or take five thousand years," said Loki bitterly. Just as humans? Then why had he been denied his life with Meredith? No. He had thousands of years to live without her. He did not live and die as a human. Though he wished with all his soul that he might have.
"All this because Loki desired… a throne," said Odin.
Loki wanted to snarl. Odin had no idea what he wanted. "It is my birthright!" he spat before the long list of what he really wanted forced itself out.
"Your birthright was to die! As a child. Cast out onto a frozen rock. If I had not taken you in you would not be here now to hate me."
Loki blinked, shocked. He had known it. He had thought it. Again and again in one form or another. Even before he had known the whole truth he had known Odin had no love for him. But to hear him say it? To actually hear the man he had once considered his father, as good as wish that he had left Loki out there in the cold to die?
And why wouldn't he? Look where they both now stood. Loki yearned to travel back in time. To warn Odin to leave him there to die in the ice and cold as Laufey had intended. Probably the only thing the two kings…the two fathers…had ever agreed on.
Perhaps it was shock that caused him to speak honestly. "If I'm for the axe then for Mercy's sake, just swing it. It's not that I don't love our little talks it's just I don't love them." End this. End this please I beg of you. For once, do something for me! Let me die!
"Frigga is the only reason you're still alive, and you'll never see her again." Loki's heart sank. He wasn't going to be condemned to death, was he? "You'll spend the rest of your days in the dungeon."
Damn Frigga! Damn them all!
Worse than hell. A lifetime of nothing but his own thoughts to relive everything he had lost. Every path not taken. A lifetime with his own broken mind. Centuries alone with nothing to do but feel his brain eat into itself, replaying each painful moment of his life over and over again. For what moments were not painful now? Thanos had ripped through them, tainting them all.
"And what of Thor? You'll make that witless oaf King while I rot in chains?" It wasn't much of a blow but he was too shaken to come up with anything better.
"Thor must strive to undo the damage you have done. He'll bring order to the nine realms and then, yes, he will be King."
Yes, of course Thor would be king. Thor would have everything. The throne. A life on Earth and a life on Asgard. His friends on both worlds. And probably that Midgardian he cared for so much. But even Thor would have to lose eventually. And he would learn one day how fragile Midgardians really were. How easily lost…