This is the chapter referenced in the prologue to "If" from Bella's point of view and "This" from Brie's.

Thanks for sticking with me and these super frustrating people :)

This week I've overwhelmed my team with chapter after chapter, and they just keep being awesome, supporting me, and making this story better. Thanks isn't a big enough word to convey my gratitude. I just love them so much. Nic, Sri, and Iris; you guys! You. Guys. 3.

You are a china shop

And I am a bull

You are really good food

And I am full

I guess everything is timing

I guess everything's been said

So I am coming home with an empty head

"You Had Time" − Ani DiFranco

July 1, 2007

It turns out that breaking up with someone is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I spent the first two weeks in June trying to broach the subject.

"Are you happy?"

"With my second place finish last month? Yeah. Got some great feedback. I'm working on developing my traps—"

"No. This. Us. Are you happy with this?"

"Of course I'm happy. You're a cool chick. Why wouldn't I be happy? I'd be even happier if I could get you to do a fitness competition with me. I bet you could have a solid body in a year for bikini—"

"I'm not interested in fitness competitions, Jeremy."

I'm not interested in you.

I don't know why I can't say it. The idea of taking this big jump doesn't feel like I'm leaping toward freedom; it feels like I'm jumping off a cliff.

Like it's potential suicide.

At Rose's suggestion, I started therapy. It's not couples therapy; it's something just for me. I need to deal with my own shit. It turns out that being the daughter of an abusive alcoholic can fuck with your adult relationships. The little girl that learned how to please and keep her head down needs to learn how to stand up for what she wants now.

I'm going to see Edward today. For his birthday last month, I sent him a pair of tickets to the Canada Day game at Labatt Park. I knew he was planning a trip to see his parents as soon as school was done, and he'd mentioned he used to go the games with his dad when he was young. At Edward's urging, I bought myself a pair. I figured I could take Rose.

And that would've been the plan had she not found herself hospitalized for extreme morning sickness earlier this week.

And then an email from Edward last night changed my plans again.

I know the new original plan is for you to come with my mom and dad, but Crazy's shown up at the door. I really don't want to go into why that's an issue in front of my mom and dad. Why don't you bring Jeremy? We'll sit together, and then we can go for some drinks after the fireworks.

A quick visit to the ticket booth later, and I reply.

So I misread my tickets. I'm not beside you guys. I'm in the same row but in a totally different section. We'll see you at the game. Not sure about the drinks, though. Jeremy's in the middle of the competitive season.

Shit. How did I forget you're living with a body builder? He's not going to pound the shit out of me, is he?

Maybe if he knew how I felt about you.

Depends on which team you cheer for.

Definitely the safer answer.

Jeremy's pretty excited to go to the game, which surprises me. I tell him we'll be meeting up with an old friend from high school, and he's even cool with that. I don't bother to ask him out for drinks after. I'm not sure I could trust myself to keep it together while drinking around Edward, Jeremy, and Brie. I may like to please everyone, but that's a lot of people I'm not being honest with in one small space.

Because I took so long to get ready, we're nearly late for the game. Edward told me to text his mother's phone when we're close. He uses that when he's in London to avoid long distance charges. I fire off a quick message as soon as Jeremy parks the car.

Sorry. Five minutes.

It's a hot and sticky day, but I don't think that's why I break out into a sweat as we approach the ticket gate. I can see Edward just beyond the entrance. There's a fucking model draped over him. I see why he's been so willing to put up with her for so long.

I surprise myself when I take Jeremy's hand. It's such a habit by now, but over the past few weeks, I've been trying to break it.

Edward pushes away from Brie as soon as he sees us. He doesn't hug me like he did at Christmas, but he shakes Jeremy's hand when I introduce them. Jeremy grabs my hand again, and I suddenly wish I'd just brought Emmett instead. I let go of his hand while I'm explaining where we sit, which involves another lie. I gave the seats I originally had — the ones beside Brie and Edward — away to one of the guys on my team. I stopped by the ticket booth on my way home from work and purchased ones across the field. I'm not sure if it's worse to watch them than to sit beside them.

Our second meeting is nothing like our first. Beyond introductions and me babbling about not being able to read tickets, I have no idea what was said.

Jeremy and I walk away first. I think he mentioned we just missed the anthem, but I didn't hear it over the blood pounding in my ears.

"Your friends seem cool," Jeremy tells me as we get to the seats.

"Friend. This is my first time meeting Brie." I'm happy Jeremy doesn't feel the need to inquire about Edward. I also realize he didn't introduce us, which is why Jeremy likely thinks we're friends.

"They invited us for drinks after the game. I figured you wouldn't want to go—"

"No. That sounds great. It's my cheat day. I went at it extra hard this morning, so I can have a couple of beers one more time before I get really serious."

I look at Jeremy for a moment and wonder why he's so quick to agree to go out. Is this him trying? I feel a little pang of guilt. I wish I was brave.

"I'll text him, then." I pull out my Blackberry.

Drinks after. Thorny Devil. See you there.

I make it through most of the game pretending to watch. Edward's absorbed in it and doesn't seem to talk to Brie once. I wonder what's going on with them. Considering the text he sent last night, he obviously isn't pleased she's here. At the seventh inning, the realization I've agreed to drinks with the three of them hits me. I need some liquid courage.

"I'm going to grab a beer. I'll be right back."

While I'm standing in line, a thought pops in my head.

If he texts me, then…

But what do I want the then to be?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Because if it's what I think I want it to be, then who am I? Because I don't really like that girl.

I don't like myself because I'm a coward. I don't like myself because I'm in love with someone when I'm living with someone else.

If he walks in now, then I'll tell him how I feel.

I hold the pair of beers I've purchased and count to ten. The concession stands are dead. There's no one here.

I count to ten again. Still no one. I head back to my seat.

I hand Jeremy his drink and sit before I notice.

Edward isn't in his seat.

Timing's a bitch.

We stick around, watch the fireworks, and then walk across the river to the Thorny Devil. It's my after-work bar, and if the evening's going to be awkward, I may as well feel comfortable with the bar choice.

Of course, the first person I run into is the guy I gave the tickets to. I'm still talking to him when Edward and Brie walk in.

This time, I make proper introductions and then excuse myself to buy a round of drinks. I try not to roll my eyes when Brie asks for a 7 and 7 with ice and seven maraschino cherries.

Blended, if possible.

I'm leaning against the bar when I feel a hip knock against me. I'm about to apologize and make room when I look at who it is.

Edward.

"Hey!" he shouts. This place is pretty loud.

"Hey!" I turn to him, the battle to order drinks temporarily forgotten.

"So I'm guessing you didn't fuck up the tickets."

I'm caught. He's smiling at me, so maybe he gets it.

"Guilty as charged!" I hold my hands up in surrender. "I don't know. I thought the whole thing could've been… I don't know." I trail off. What am I supposed to say?

"Yeah. I get it." He looks away from me and catches the bartender's attention.

I'd planned to stay for a drink and leave, but it's actually been pretty great. It's mostly because Jeremy and Brie get along very well. If I cared, I'd have to describe it as a little too well. She seems very interested in his fitness philosophy.

But that's left me and Edward with plenty of time to talk.

He comes with me to order another round of drinks. Brie and Jeremy dropped out after the last round, so now Edward and I are on our own. We hang back with our beers and watch people for a bit.

"Maybe we should swap." The words are out of my mouth before I think about filtering them. They're either bitchy or wistful. I'm not sure how they came out, but I'm very aware of what I want. His elbow nudges me.

"I don't know. I think I'm the one who loses out in that scenario." My head whips around, shocked he's dissed me so easily. "I mean, I get that he's buff, but he's not really my type." He turns to me and smiles too innocently.

"Asshat."

He laughs but then leans toward me. "But you better message me as soon as you're done with Brie. I want the details of that one."

I smack him. "Such a guy."

"Hey!" This time, it's him holding his hands up in surrender. "If you'd rather I watch, that's fine with me. That way, you don't have to worry about remembering the good stuff."

I'm laughing at him. "You're such a fucking dick."

"Join in then?"

The liquid courage seems to kick in, and I lean in so I'm pressed directly against his side. I put my hands on his shoulder and lean in further still to whisper in his ear. "Trust me. Once you're with me, you won't even remember her name, nevermind that she's in the same room." I let go and drop back from Edward, expecting him to have some sort of comeback. Instead, he just groans, bends over the bar, and puts his head down. I'm pretty proud of myself as I walk away.

It's not long after that Jeremy asks if we can leave. It's late for him, and given the three drinks he had tonight, I'm sure he's planning to go into the gym even earlier than usual.

Instead of working, I flip on the porch light and take a book and a glass of wine outside. I curl up in the hammock and read until I see the lights turn on inside. It's 4:30 in the morning; time for Jeremy to wake up and for me to go to bed.

I grab my phone from my purse, plugging it in before I fall asleep. I can't help but check my messages. One's from Elizabeth's phone.

Brie and I just broke up.