a/n so i'm hiding in hope that no one is going to kill me for my very very very long hiatus. there is a reason i didnt have internet acsess and just got it again. and my computer was being worked on. i beg forgiveness. here is a chapter and another should be coming soon. but i'm working four jobs right now so no promises.

Chapter 26

Spike stared down at the tiny pink bundle sitting in the bassinet next to his bed in the master bedroom. She was so small, delicate. Her hands wrapped themselves into tight little fists that stubbornly refused to be confined by the blanket. He turned his head only at the slight knock on the door. Buffy walked in carrying a warm bottle she had just prepared in the kitchen. Spike, hesitating slightly as he did every time he went to hold his daughter- afraid that he would drop her, gathered his baby into his arms and silently took the bottle from the Slayer. He lifted it to her mouth still amazed even after a week at how quickly her fragile looking mouth latched on to the synthetic nipple. She sucked strongly as the pair watched.

"I keep looking for something of Dru in her. I keep trying to find something to prove that she was here," Spike confessed to Buffy still staring at Dawn. She knew he grieved the lost of the beautiful and tragic Drusilla but in the week that had passed they avoided the topic. Neither quite willing to talk about it. As if speaking of what happened out loud would show the finality of the situation, how a creature- evil by nature- could openly and lovingly sacrifice herself for the life of another. The grief wasn't something they could share. Spike had loved Drusilla for more than a century and Buffy often had contemplated on how best to kill her. Something that night had bound them together, slayer and vampire, drew them closer to each other as only a significant experience can but this was a bridge they hadn't tried to cross yet. But the lapse where they could pretend had passed and now it was time to build and cross this bridge.

"Do you see her?" Buffy asked also looking down at the infant, not confessing she too tried to find the vampire in her features but only was able to see hints of Spike, none of Drusilla.

"No," Spike replied, "At times I'm relieved, no reminder of her, but i's disappointing also. No matter I suppose, easier that way I guess. What with all that happened at the hospital."

They fell back into the silence thinking about the rest of the events that played out that day. They carefully cleaned the newborn and dressed her. Than shrouding Spike in the heavy wool blanket they all went into the cars. The drive to the hospital was silent. They planned this ahead of time. All the herbs that Willow and Tara needed had been mixed and gathered. Their stories all known. They each had a part to play. The parts hadn't changed, the story remained the same but with Drusilla gone the scene had changed. The setting moved and none of them were exactly sure how to move with it. It was too new; the reality had yet to sink in. During the ride Buffy recalled Willow's words that had been spoken weeks earlier. Before things became even more complicated.

"This is black magic." She explained to Buffy, "Normally Tara and I wouldn't touch this. It's dark stuff taking over a person and takes a lot of power. A lot a lot not a little a lot. But we looked at everything else this is the safest way. And we aren't hurting anyone, right?" The witch looked to both the slayer and her lover for assurance that they weren't crossing a line here.

Their plan was simple in its complexity. They would take the newborn into the hospital right after the birth. The witches would combine their powers to take over the mind of one of the obtritions. They would have him perform all of the usual tests on the baby making sure she was healthy. When it was finished they would release the doctor. She wouldn't be able to remember a thing. It wasn't much but it was the most they dared do. When it came time to do the birth certificate the job became much harder. They decided that the baby needed to have one of the mortal members of the group put down as the mother. Just in case they said to themselves. Not quite understanding the ominous feeling that clouded them but not questioning it either. Buffy had been the most logical choice, the strongest one in the group to protect Dawn, the slayer. After all it was nothing more than a sheet of paper. Something that they could alter easily with magic once this ordeal was done and Glory was defeated. In the kitchen amongst the planning and plotting it seemed like such a simple idea. Now in the cool hospital room with the magically controlled doctor, the mornings events still fresh in their minds it seemed much bigger. Symbolic even, as if they were quickly wiping Drusilla from their memories. But they did it.

"I didn't love her anymore." Spike said pulling them both back to the present.

Buffy didn't know how to respond so instead she stood silently waiting for him to continue.

"Hardest part was when she came back." He continued pain lacing his words in each syllable, "When she came out of her fog and was Drusilla again. The Drusilla before Angel. I always loved her most then. She would be Dru, babbling at her dolls or in one of her fits but then she'd come back for a bit. So sweet and innocent even as a vampire. I loved all of her, the insane bits and the other bits, but it was a real treat to see Drusilla come through." A tear rolled down his face.

He thought of the moment that he realized he was no longer in love with Drusilla anymore. It was after he found her with the Chaos demon.

"I look at you and all I see is her." Drusilla had said, "Your head is full of the slayer."

All he could do was stare at her. She stood in front of him as beautiful as ever, pale with large halzel eyes framed by her brown curls, and he waited. Waited to feel something for her. A longing, a deep instinctual pull to her. He felt nothing. He didn't know if he loved the slayer than, all he knew was that he no longer loved the woman in front of him.

This time it was Buffy's voice that dragged them back to the master bedroom of the Summers home.

"What was she like?" she asked, "the Drusilla before Angel?"

"Innocent. Even with all the bloodshed she couldn't feel because the demon was still inside her she was still innocent. She would croon over a baby birds nest, and then she'd leave, the Drusilla Angel made would come back and she'd snap their necks. But still I loved her. Because of and in spite of what she had been made."

The pair continued to stand side by side as they watched the baby drink from the bottle. Both once again lost in their own worlds. Spike wondering how he could become a father when he was still figuring out how to be a man. Before the soul he had very little thoughts of choices and consequences. Now he was aware of nothing else. How was he to raise a child? Looking down at the miracle in his arms he didn't have the answers but he knew he would do anything to protect her. Buffy looked down at the same baby wondering how they could keep her safe. Her and Spike were now friends and well there were other emotions that neither felt the need to explore. The time wasn't right for that conversation. Not a week after the birth of the baby girl that by laws of nature shouldn't have been able to happen and the mother- former lover of the father- killed herself so the baby could survive. Maybe it would never be time for them. But that didn't matter. Buffy knew what Spike was thinking it was something he had expressed in their late night talks around a cup of tea after slaying for the night. Looking down at the daughter of her friend and possibly something more Buffy knew she would do anything to protect the baby also. Not only because it was her duty as a slayer but also because she felt a pull to the child. An instinct demanding she protect the baby Dawn. She didn't understand it and she didn't explore it. It was how it was and that was all she needed to know now.

From deep inside them they both heard the monks voice rise in them.

"Blood will call to blood. You most protect her. She is the only hope."

Neither commented on this, they knew the other felt it though. It was an old warning.

After Dawn finished her bottle the pair left the room and went down stairs. The kitchen counter was strewn with text books, magic books and a mix of cooking supplies. Buffy took Dawn from Spike as careful gentle as he had been. She settled down in a chair and began to study again. She threw a cloth over her shoulder and gently burped Dawn as she read. Spike began to cook. It only took one supper to figure out who the better cook was and Spike had insisted in taking over several of the house chores. He also insisted on paying some of the bills. Buffy wasn't sure how he got the money but decided it wasn't important and didn't ask. After all medical bills were expensive and with Joyce's surgery and hospital visits they had a plethora of them.

"Mom still wants to throw you a baby shower," Buffy said not looking up from her text book. Spike looked up from the stove where he had a child raising book propped up against the cold tea kettle.

"Why?" He asked.

"She thinks you need more baby stuff. She's planning it for a week from tomorrow. Everyone is going to be coming here. So just warning you. Be prepared."

"Thanks pet." He turned back to his book and she turned back to hers. For the moment everything was quiet in the Summers home.