Disclaimer: We are thankful that JK Rowling has not placed fanfiction on the register of banned books.
The modification to the Quibbler ban comes from Harry and Luna Against the High Inquisitor by Arpad Hrunta and is totally something Umbridge would do.
A/N: Credit to Belial666 for the idea for Hermione's solar furnace.
Chapter 26
Hermione made sure to get to Hogsmeade early on Saturday, about the same time the carriages would get there from the castle. She'd realised too late that she hadn't actually arranged a place to meet George, but she made a beeline for the most likely place to find him: Zonko's Joke Shop. Sure enough, there he was, but her eyes were drawn to a stranger sight: Fred was there too with Angelina Johnson, and he was sort of hanging off her while she was trying to elbow him away.
"Angelina, you okay?" she said.
But then George spotted her. "Hermione! Come to me, my darling," he said with a goofy grin. He picked her up, twirled her around, and snogged her long enough to leave a silly grin on her own face.
"Well, good morning to you, too," she said.
"And what a lovely day it is, too." He kissed her again.
"Okay, so what did you want to do this morning?"
"How about some more of this?" He kissed her yet again.
"George!" Her grin vanished, and she pushed him away.
"Say my name again." He tried to get another kiss in, but she managed to shove him off this time.
"George! What's got into you?!"
"They've potioned themselves," Angelina groaned, "and Fred, I am this close to Stunning you! They've been like this all morning. Check his pockets for an antidote. Fred doesn't have one."
Hermione sighed. "George, be a dear, and give me your antidote, will you?" she said sweetly. "I know you're too sensible not to be carrying one when you test something on yourself."
"Anything for my beautiful girl," George said. He pulled a phial out of his robes and handed it to her—while still trying to kiss her again.
Some quick wand work on the girls' part had both twins on their knees and her pouring the potion down their throats in seconds.
"Whoa," they said, shaking their heads when the antidote took effect.
"Erm…sorry about that, girls," said George.
"Way too strong on the Kissing Concoction," Fred commented.
"Yes. Better go to a quarter strength from there, and maybe shorten the brewing time?"
"Less time stewing the ashwinder eggs, I think. We can't reduce the amount too much."
"Boys!" Angelina cut in. "What was all that about?"
"Just testing some new products for the shop, Angie," Fred told them.
"We're thinking of calling it the WonderWitch Line," said George.
"WonderWitch. For all your love potion needs."
"Cosmetics, too, probably."
"It's a work in progress."
Hermione's jaw dropped. "Love potions? Are you nuts? You can't sell love potions!"
"Why not?" they asked in unison.
"Because they make people act like…that. There's no telling how much trouble they could cause. What if people get fed them against their will?"
George hesitated. "Well…"
Fred finished for him. "That was sort of the idea—ow!" Angelina smacked him in the back of the head.
"George," she said, "how would you feel if someone fed me a love potion keyed to Draco Malfoy? Or him one keyed to me, for that matter?" George grimaced. That would have to be about the most disgusting thing he could imagine. It certainly was for her. "In fact, is that even legal?" she pressed.
"Well, it's not like we're brewing Amortentia," he answered. "That stuff's highly restricted. And yeah, I'd definitely hex Malfoy if that happened, but this is why we're testing it. We want to tone it down so none of the potions make people do anything too bad. The Kissing Concoction is only supposed to make you kiss the person it's keyed to once and then stop. It's not supposed to turn you into a molester."
Fred nodded. "Yeah, and Flirting Fancies only make you flirt shamelessly," he agreed.
"Crush Blush makes you really shy and blush and stuff around the target."
"Twilight Moonbeams makes you compose poetry to them."
"The Beguiling Bubbles—"
"Okay, I get the picture," Hermione cut him off. "Look, I'm still not happy with it…but if you keep it really mild like that, I guess I can tolerate it. But you'd better be selling the antidotes, too. We don't want any more incidents like this one."
"We are. Heartbreak Teardrops and Calamity Lotion. Stops everything in its tracks."
Hermione sighed. "Fine."
"Great! So, what'll it be, Hermione? Care for some tea?" George asked.
Hermione stared at him. "Did you take some of your Twilight Moonbeams?"
"Nope, just a coincidence. So, tea?"
"On Valentine's weekend? No thanks. Let's just try Honeydukes."
Honeydukes was crowded, but it ironically wasn't as saccharine-sweet as Madam Puddifoot's was on Valentine's weekend. The two couples browsed the candy offerings and took some time to relax together. Hermione had had enough kissing for a bit, but she was happy holding hands with George. She'd only seen her boyfriend in D.A. meetings since their very stressful Christmas, and it was good to see him relaxing for a change. It was getting harder and harder as Umbridge's grip tightened.
"So how have you been, George?" she asked. "We haven't really had time to talk."
"Eh, we're getting by," he said. "It's hard, but you know that. It's not only what Umbridge and her decrees have done on their own. She's like a dementor. She sucks all the fun out of everything. The other teachers are being more cautious about everything, not just not being able to talk outside their subjects."
"Even the portraits are less talkative anymore," Fred spoke up.
"She's moved the ones she says are 'trouble'," Angelina explained. "She threatened to burn Sir Cadogan."
George nodded firmly: "Yeah. And she's enforcing stuff like the dress code and PDA rules a lot more than the other teachers ever did. A lot of couples have been itching to get out here just for a snog."
"Too bad we didn't have the Kissing Concoction ready yet," Fred quipped.
"Mm hmm. Everyone's going spare, really…Fred's going more spare than most."
"Oi. I'm not that bad."
"Then who said the other day that you—"
"Hey! You don't need to tell the girls that."
"Tell the girls what?" Hermione and Angelina said in unison.
Fred looked between the two of them, then hemmed and hawed for a minute and said, "I'm just starting to think it's not worth it to stay at Hogwarts."
"What?" Hermione gasped.
"Hey, you know how it is here."
"Yes, but to drop out?"
"We can't play Quidditch. We can't pull half the pranks we want to. George can't hardly ever see you. We can't run our mail order business from in school. And Umbridge has made it her mission to make us miserable. Besides, you left, didn't you?"
"I have a tutor, Fred. And I left to protect my parents, not me. As long as I was at Hogwarts, it was me and them at that woman's mercy. George, you're not thinking of leaving, are you?"
George looked uncomfortable. "I won't say it's not tempting," he said, "but I told Fred, we don't have anywhere to go. We can't afford a shop front, and we probably won't be able to for a couple years. And we can't run home to Mum before we graduate. If you think you've seen her mad, you haven't seen anything yet."
"We have enough to afford a flat, though," Fred offered.
"A cheap one. And that extra four months' rent, or more? That would cut into our funding a lot."
"We're gonna have to do something come summer, though, anyway. Mum's not gonna tolerate us running a mail-order prank business from home, even though we're of age."
"Then we'll figure it out later," George said. "Right now, we've still got four more months to work on it."
Fred turned away unhappily. Hermione could see the tension between them. She knew this year had been a strain on the pair, and if she was honest, she had contributed a little to that, but she really couldn't let this go. She turned to her boyfriend, and said, "George, I…I don't want you to think this is just about academics for me. I know you won't need N.E.W.T.s for your shop. But we know you're going to need time to get it off the ground, and if you ever need a side job, or if having credentials would help you promote your shop…"
"I know. The N.E.W.T.s will help." He smiled a little. "Even if we only sit three apiece. We can't all be super-geniuses."
Hermione shook her head. "That's really not the important thing," she said. "You're both brilliant in your own way, but I'm worried about your future plans. Honestly, they don't look as good as they did before this mess, so I really hope you'll stick it out. And try to keep Fred from doing anything rash. I care about him, too."
George smiled at her again. "Don't worry, Hermione. I will." He kissed her softly.
She felt reassured as she walked to the Three Broomsticks, which was good, as she had to steel herself to face Rita Skeeter again. She met Skeeter first of the people she'd invited. Luna, Harry, and Cedric soon followed. The reporter spent a lot of time glaring at her. Harry was understandably wary when he saw her, but he relaxed when Hermione explained the situation: "The Ministry owns the Prophet, but they don't own The Quibbler. Ms. Skeeter is going to publish the true account of what happened in the Third Task there."
Cedric frowned. "Not many people read The Quibbler, though," he said. "And even fewer take it seriously—no offence, Luna."
"That's why I asked Ms. Skeeter to do the interview," Hermione explained. "She's a household name. And she owes me a favour."
"I thought the deal was I just don't publish for a year," Skeeter needled her.
"Are you complaining, Rita?" Hermione said. She lowered her voice and added, "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."
Skeeter shuddered. "You wouldn't."
"Honestly, I'm not quite sure myself what I'd do anymore. I've been pushed around a little too much this year. Care to find out?"
"I'll write your little story, Granger," she grumbled. "Accurately, just like you want."
"Good. Cedric, as I was saying, besides Ms. Skeeter, no matter how much he's maligned, Harry still has some fame capital, and I'm hoping there are enough people there who can see that the Prophet's line about the Azkaban breakout doesn't make sense. I think people are primed for something new."
"Fire away, then, Rita," Harry said.
Hermione caught back up with George, Fred, and Angelina after the interview, but while they enjoyed the rest of their date, she had one more person she needed to find before she left.
"Oh, Ron, I'm glad we caught you," Hermione said when they found him.
"You are?" Ron said. "Er, I mean, great. What's up?"
"I'm working on a prank with Fred and George, but we need your help. You're good with impressions. Can you mimic Professor McGonagall's voice?"
"McGonagall? I'm a guy, you know."
"I know, but can you try? It doesn't have to be that close."
"Well, I guess I can try." Ron cleared his throat and said in a clipped falsetto, "Mr. Weasley, if you are late one more time, I shall transfigure you into a pocket watch."
Hermione giggled and the Twins chortled loudly. "Not perfect, but I think it'll be close enough," she said.
"What's this about, Hermione?" George said.
"Yeah, what do you need our brother's unique vocal skills for?" added Fred.
Hermione grinned like a Cheshire cat: "We're going to prank Albus Dumbledore."
The three Weasleys' jaws dropped.
"Hermione, I love you!"
That was Fred, not George, and it resulted in him getting a swift slap in the back of the head from both George and Hermione.
The following Saturday morning was the time she had set for the prank, just before her meeting with Septima. George and Fred were eager to try it. Out of all the staff, the only people the Twins had never managed to prank once were Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape. Dumbledore was too smart, and she had a bad feeling Snape was using Legilimency to catch them whenever they tried anything. So when Hermione told them she had a plan that had a pretty good chance of pulling one over on the Headmaster himself, they jumped at the chance.
It was a complicated operation, requiring five people to pull off. First, Hermione used the function on the Mathemagician's Map to trace people's movements to follow Dumbledore around the castle for the entire week and plan the time and place of the prank. He spent a lot of time in his office, and she didn't know what wards he had in there, so that was no good. His movements weren't very predictable the rest of the time, but he almost always took the same route to and from the Great Hall for meal times. Therefore, she chose a fairly isolated corridor on the seventh floor to catch him just after breakfast.
Dobby was needed to communicate between them several times throughout the week and to alert Hermione when the prank was actually put into action.
On Saturday morning, Hermione slipped into Hogwarts early and loaned the Mathemagician's Map to George to run the prank, then headed for the Owlery while George, Fred, and Ron got into position. Around the corner from where Dumbledore would pass by, they got set up. Fred transfigured a piece of rubbish into a cat that looked exactly like Professor McGonagall's animagus form, and George charmed it to appear ghostly, translucent, and glowing.
Ron was practising the line he needed to say in McGonagall's voice. It didn't need to be perfect, but it needed to be close enough that Dumbledore wouldn't question it in the heat of the moment. He would be speaking into a new invention of the Twins': an Extendable Mouth, which was basically an Extendable Ear reversed.
As Fred saw Dumbledore approach on the Map, they quickly applied the final piece of magic. This was the weak link in the prank. They'd had time to test it, but certainly not time to perfect it. They poured a sample of Hermione's Draught of Peace from her Potions lesson onto the cat in the hopes that the fumes would influence those who were near it, and George charmed it to radiate a powerful Cheering Charm. The combined effect ought to replicate the aura of goodness and purity that surrounded a true Patronus—they hoped. The Weasley boys certainly felt the effects. It only had to last about a minute, so they had high hopes it would work.
As Dumbledore walked down the corridor to his office, he was surprised to find a familiar-looking Patronus run around the corner. If he noticed anything off about it, he didn't have time to think about it as it spoke to him and said, "Albus, I need you in the Owlery urgently," in what sounded passably like Minerva McGonagall's voice.
"I am on my way, Minerva," he said, and he turned on his heal and hurried off.
The Weasley boys stared at each other. "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh, Merlin! I can't believe that worked!" Fred said.
"It's official. Hermione is the Queen of Pranksters," George agreed.
"We pranked Dumbledore," Ron said. "I can't believe we just pranked Dumbledore!"
George grinned. "I can't wait to see the look on Dumbledore's face when Hermione gets back with those photos."
Hermione stood in the Owlery where Dobby popped in and said, "Miss Hermione, Professor Dumbledore is coming."
She smiled. "Thank you, Dobby." She activated the pair of Omnioculars that she had mostly hidden under a pile of feathers and waited for him to arrive. She tried to adopt a confident and superior stance to really get the message across. She was starting to appreciate the value of good showmanship, even in the magical world. Perhaps especially in the magical world.
Dumbledore rushed into the Owlery, wand out. "Minerva, I am here," he said. "What is—Hermione?" He spotted her and looked around curiously. "Where is Professor McGonagall?"
Hermione smiled sweetly and said, "She isn't here, Professor."
"Have you seen her? I received her Patronus message."
She smiled wider and said, "No, you didn't," in a sing-song voice.
Dumbledore's face shifted to a look of shock as he realised what had happened. "Then you—?"
"Constant vigilance!" Hermione said, trying to effect a gravelly voice. "If I'd had Polyjuice Potion with me, you'd have swallowed every word I said, Professor."
Dumbledore regarded her and reluctantly admitted. "I suppose I might have…It would appear that I have been pranked. It has been a long time since anyone has done so successfully."
"Well, I try, sir."
"Very impressive, Hermione. I do wonder how it was done…" he said. Hermione was about to tell him to figure it out for himself, but he closed his eyes and, she guessed, began going back over the incident in his mind. "A transfigured cat," he reasoned, "made to look like Professor McGonagall's animagus form. Probably created by an older student. Your boyfriend and his twin, I think?"
"Very good, Professor."
"Who provided the voice?"
"Ron. He's very good at impressions."
"And to make it look and feel like a true Patronus would have taken some impressive charms work. A Cheering Charm, I presume?"
She nodded. "And doused with Draught of Peace."
"Very clever…Yet only convincing to a novice," he said with concern. "I should have noticed something was wrong."
"That's exactly my point, sir. You said your Patronus method was secure. You believed the message couldn't be faked, so you didn't question it when it was."
This seemed to be a revelation to Dumbledore. He was silent for some time, considering her words. "It would seem you have a talent for locating the flaws in my logic this year, Hermione," he said at last. "Although I would point out that this only applies if the enemy knows about the Patronus messages."
"True. But still, your overconfidence is your weakness. I'm not as paranoid as Auror Moody, and I spotted the flaw at once."
"And you believe you have a better idea?" he pressed her.
She shook her head. "I wouldn't say that, sir, but I do have my own methods of communicating with people. I know they're not perfect, but I'm aware of the problems, and I try to anticipate them." She was still experimenting with different authentication schemes for her rings so that they would only work for the person they were keyed to, but she hadn't found a method she really liked yet.
"I see. Then I will keep that in mind. Thank you from pointing that out." He smiled, then. "I daresay some money will be changing hands tonight."
Hermione furrowed her brow. "Why, Professor?"
"Quite a few of the staff have wagers on whether the Weasley Twins would be able to prank me before they graduate. I shall have to give them quite a few points as well."
Hermione laughed and packed up her Omnioculars. "Thank you, Professor," she said. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a class to teach." She left the Owlery leaving Dumbledore in not a little confusion.
"So if my maths is right, wrapping multiple identical spells in a single layer of magic is possible, but it would be really unstable," Hermione told Septima. "It's like my Bouncing Disarming Jinx in principle, but trying to shoehorn the magical fields into that shape doesn't work very well."
"Yes, there's a reason nobody really tries that," Septima agreed. "That's why I'm hoping your self-similarity relation will improve it."
"I think it will, but it's not that simple. I thought about it some more, and I think the spellcrafting process will be more analogous to a recurrence relation than a power series, especially since we're only doing a few iterations."
Septima rubbed her chin and considered that. "I can see where you're coming from," she agreed, "but I was thinking something more along the lines of multiple castings translating to multiple iterations instead of multiple instantiations. That way, if you cast the spell twice, it would produce three, four, or more copies instead of just two."
"Or twenty in the case of the Menger sponge, but they'd have to be a lot weaker," Hermione said automatically. "Hm…it could work. The limit would be a standard wide-area spell, though, and there aren't many of those. I think it would have to take a very specific arithmantic form."
"Well, with the part I could understand I came up with—"
But what Septima had come up with would have to wait because at that moment, a series of chimes rang out from the door with the sound of a funeral march.
"Septima?" Hermione said nervously.
Septima sighed heavily. "Will that woman just bugger off?" she muttered to herself. Hermione's eyes widened at her teacher's language. "That means Umbridge is at the door."
"Can you ignore her and pretend you're not home?" Hermione asked.
The chimes rang out again.
"No, she's not gonna let it go." She got up and opened the door. "Dolores. May I help you?"
"I'm terribly sorry to bother you, Professor Vector, but I was wondering if you'd seen Hermione Granger this morning."
"Hermione Granger? Why would I have?" Septima said.
"She was seen in the castle this morning, and she certainly has no business being here."
Oh, no, Hermione thought. The one time I wander around the castle without my map…
"I would hope that you haven't been continuing your…'class' with her after it was struck from the schedule," Umbridge continued.
"I assure you I have been teaching no extra classes since the latest decree," Septima said dryly.
"And would mind if I just check your apartment for a moment?"
Umbridge tried to push in the door, but was quickly blocked by Septima. "Yes, I would mind, Dolores."
The woman tried to push harder. "Just to a quick look around, Septima—"
Septima pushed her back. "This is my private space—"
"I am the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts—"
BANG! Hermione couldn't quite see what happened, but she suspected Umbridge had cast a spell because Septima staggered back, and the High Inquisitor stumbled into the room. Here we go, Hermione thought resignedly. She sighed and stood up.
"Nosey as ever, I see, Dolores," Septima said, but Umbridge ignored her.
"Miss Granger!" she exclaimed. "I knew it!"
"Professor Umbridge," Hermione said, determinedly holding her head high.
"What on earth are you doing here?"
"I don't see as that's any business of yours, Professor, as I'm not an enrolled student here."
"I am the High Inquisitor of Hogwarts, Miss Granger, and your presence here—"
"Is not up to your discretion, Professor."
"Oh, isn't it, Miss Granger?" Umbridge said with an evil grin. "A quick Floo call can change that."
"Actually, it can't, ma'am."
"Excuse me?"
"I checked into the laws, Professor. The castle is not the school, and vice versa. They're separate legal entities. As long as I don't interfere with the operation of the school, the Department of Magical Education has no jurisdiction; only the Headmaster."
Umbridge glared at her. She knew she had her dead to rights on that one. "Well, be that as it may, according to Educational Decree—"
"Yes, yes, we all know about your decrees, Dolores," Septima cut her off. "But I told you truthfully that I was not teaching an unauthorised class."
"And this is just a social visit, then?"
Septima raised an eyebrow: "And what if it is?"
"Miss Granger may not be under my jurisdiction, but you are, Septima." She grinned wider, and Hermione knew she'd been waiting for years for this moment. "Meeting with a student who is enrolled in a different program is a conflict of interest."
"Show me where it says that anywhere."
"Give me until Monday morning, and I will."
Hermione sighed. She was pretty sure she knew what this would do, but she wasn't about to let Septima take the fall for her. "It doesn't matter, Professor, because I'm not here in my capacity as a student."
"Hermione," Septima whispered.
"Whatever do you mean, Miss Granger?" Umbridge said.
"If you must know, I was teaching."
"Teaching? Don't be ridiculous. You don't have a license."
"Advanced Topics in Mathematics is not listed as a subject that requires Ministry accreditation to teach, Professor. However, it is a valid muggle maths class that I am qualified to tutor at the post-secondary level and as such is accepted by the Arithmancers' Guild as continuing education." Hermione smiled sweetly and added, "You don't think I would have done this without making sure everything was legal, did you?"
Umbridge's eye started twitching. "Mark my words, Granger," she said, "your insolence will bring you to a sticky end soon enough." And she turned and stormed out of the apartment.
"And your little dog, too," Hermione said when the door was safely closed.
Septima slumped in her chair. "You shouldn't have done that, Hermione," she said.
"Better me being kicked out of the castle than you, Septima. I need you here to keep an eye on Harry. Come on, let's organise these notes. I have a feeling I'll have to work on my own for a while. Oh, and before I leave, I have a ring I want to give you."
"What?"
After that conversation, Hermione had to skip the Quidditch match. Going to that could have been seen as interfering with the school. Her friends had hoped to see her there, but there was nothing she could do. Of course, Harry reflected afterwards, she didn't miss much. Between the lack of the Twins and Ron's lack of confidence, their defence was so terrible that they still lost even though Ginny caught the Snitch after just twenty-two minutes.
Everything came to a head the following Monday when Harry found a pile of letters appearing in front of him at breakfast.
"What's all this?" Ron said.
"Yeah, where'd all this come from?" said Ginny.
"Hello, Harry." They looked up and saw Luna Lovegood coming over to them, she had Cedric with her, who also had a handful of letters. "You should probably read the article first," Luna said.
"The article?" Harry said. "Oh, right the Quibbler article."
"You mean the one Hermione set up?" Ginny said.
"Yeah." Harry ripped open a rolled-up parcel in brown paper and unrolled the March edition of The Quibbler. The front cover showed the side-by-side pictures of Harry and Cedric as Triwizard Champions from last year with the headline:
HARRY POTTER AND CEDRIC DIGGORY SPEAK OUT
THE TRUTH ABOUT HE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED
AND THE NIGHT HE RETURNED
"It's good, isn't it?" Luna said. "Dad says it could be our best-selling issue ever."
"The real test will be how many people actually believe it, though," Cedric said.
"If they care enough to write, they probably do—" Ginny said, opening Harry's nearest letter, but then, her face fell. "Oh. Never mind. This one thinks you're crazy, Harry." She grumbled to herself and crumpled up the letter.
Cedric frowned and opened his first letter. "Hey, this one believes us," he said.
Harry opened a letter himself and soon found that perhaps half of the people who bothered write to him and Cedric believed them, but they didn't have time to compare notes before that annoying, false, girlish voice sounded behind them, "Is there a problem here, Mr. Diggory?"
Cedric turned around and forced to keep himself calm as he looked down at Umbridge. "Not at all, Professor," he said.
"Then what is all of this?" She motioned to the letters.
"Fan mail, ma'am."
"Fan mail? Why would two students be receiving fan mail?"
"Maybe because we won the Triwizard Tournament together, ma'am. Is there a problem?"
"I would have thought that any 'fan mail' regarding the Tournament you would have received last summer, not suddenly eight months later," Umbridge said. "This seems awfully…suspicious." Then, with a speed they didn't know she possessed, she snatched the letters out of Cedric's hands.
"Professor!" he exclaimed.
"Suspicious correspondence must be inspected for the students' safety." She flipped through the letters and quickly found the magazine that Cedric had hidden beneath them. She read the cover, and her pale face turned a blotchy purple with anger. "What is this, Mr. Diggory?" she squeaked a bit higher than normal.
Cedric sighed quietly. "If you read the cover, Professor, you would know that it's an interview that Harry and I gave about what happened last June."
"And when did you do this?"
"During the last Hogsmeade Weekend."
Umbridge was shaking with rage now. She was so angry she couldn't even speak above a whisper. "There will be no more Hogsmeade visits for you and Mr. Potter, Mr. Diggory. Fifty points from each of your houses and a week's detention for each of you, and I will be speaking to the Headmaster about your Head Boy position. I have tried again and again to teach you two not to tell lies. I don't understand how you could…" She turned and eyed the table again. "Miss Lovegood!" she snapped.
"Yes, Professor?" Luna said.
"This is your father's magazine, is it not?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Did you have anything to do with this?"
"Hermione Granger organised the whole thing, Professor," Cedric stepped in front of her. "And it was perfectly legal."
Umbridge flashed a wicked smile. "Sedition is not legal, Mr. Diggory."
"There was no sedition here, ma'am," Cedric replied. "We spoke against the Administration, not the Ministry itself. There's no sedition in engaging in the democratic process."
She stared at him a moment, looked down at the magazine, and back at him. "I shall be reading this interview carefully to confirm that, then."
"Professor, do you actually have the authority to punish us for this?" Cedric tried. "It took place off of school property, and giving an interview to the press isn't against the rules."
"It was a school-sanctioned trip, Mr. Diggory," she sniffed. "It's still under my disciplinary authority. And spreading libel and inciting a panic is against the rules…Miss Lovegood, you didn't answer my question."
"She didn't do anything," Harry said.
"I helped give the interview," Luna spoke up calmly.
"Luna, no!" Ginny hissed.
Luna rose from the table. "I'm not afraid to stand up for what I believe in, Professor."
"Then you will share in your conspirators' punishment, Miss Lovegood. Fifty points from Ravenclaw and a week's detention."
"NO!" Ginny leapt from the table and drew her wand. "Don't touch her!" She would have cast her Bat-Bogey Hex had her brothers not pulled her back.
"Twenty points from Gryffindor and detention tonight, Miss Weasley, if you're so eager to join your friends," Umbridge snapped. She raised her voice and said to the entire Hall, "There will be more announcements over the course of the day, students. Please give them your full attention."
Sirius Black waited anxiously late into the evening for the expected mirror-call. He knew there was a good chance Harry would land himself in detention for that interview and would be too tired to call him, but when the mirror finally buzzed, he was very surprised, and worried, to see a sobbing Ginny Weasley appear.
"Ginny? What's wrong? Did something happen to Harry?"
She shook her head.
"What happened? Where is he?"
"D-detention," she choked out.
"Oh, well, we expected that, but—Oh, he got the Quill again, didn't he?"
"He did, but…"
"But? But what? What else is there?"
"He's with Luna!" Ginny sobbed.
"Luna?"
"Umbridge gave her a week's detention, too. You have to do something, Sirius! Can't you stop her? Can't someone arrest her or something? Can we arrest her? We have the D.A.! Isn't there something called a citizen's arrest or something?"
"No, Ginny. We've tried, but she's untouchable as long as Fudge has her back. Even if we get her on something, he'll just pardon her and fire Amelia Bones, and we can't afford that."
"I can't stand to see her like that, Sirius," she said. "It's bad enough watching Harry carve up his hand again, but Luna's been my best friend since we were tiny. She's too sweet and innocent to be hurt like that."
"Wait, you saw them doing it?" he said, confused.
"I got detention, too. For defending her."
"Oh, no. With the Quill?"
She nodded. "'I must respect my elders.' But only one night. No scars." She held up her unmarked hand. "But I don't care about that. I just want to get Luna out of it. And Harry if I can—"
"Ginny! Ginny, I'm sorry," Sirius tried to calm her. "There's just nothing we can do right now. Not without risking something greater. And I've met Luna. She's stronger than she looks. You're just going to have to…Wait—there is one thing I can do. I can ask Hermione if she'll do another interview—without Luna this time—and print what Umbridge is doing in The Quibbler." He stopped in thought as something struck him: "Wait a minute, if Harry and Luna are in detention, what about Cedric Diggory?"
"Sirius," she said, "Cedric's gone."
Hermione knew nothing of what had happened at Hogwarts that day, except that Harry hadn't been able to mirror-call her when she was at Grimmauld Place, so he probably had detention. She went home after her lessons with Professor Slughorn still wondering what was happening. It did worry her that Umbridge might come up with something worse than she'd already done, but hopefully the worst that would happen (though it was still pretty bad) would be that Harry would get another week's detention.
It was after dinner that Hermione heard a loud and familiar bang in front of the house and immediately went on alert. Something was up. She couldn't think of anyone who knew where she lived, would want to visit her tonight, and would need to take the Knight Bus to do it. She looked through the peephole, fearing some sort of Death Eater plot, but she was shocked to see Cedric coming up the front walk.
"Is something happening, Hermione," her mum called.
"Cedric's at the door, Mum," she called back. "He should be at school. I think something's wrong…Dobby?"
Pop! "Yes, Miss Hermione."
"We have company. Stay behind me in case there's trouble." She drew a homemade wand and opened the door. "Cedric?"
"Hermione. Good, you're home." He waved to her left-handed, his wooden arm hanging limp by his side. He stepped forward, but she pointed her wand at him.
"Just a moment. The first time you we met, what did you say to me?" Hermione said.
"What?"
"Answer the question, please."
Cedric closed his eyes and thought back. "I thought you were lost because you'd wandered into the Arithmancy classroom. I asked you what room you were looking for."
She lowered her wand. "Sorry about that. Can't be too careful these days."
"Oh, right. Of course."
"Come on in. I didn't know you knew where I lived."
"Harry told me."
"Ah."
Cedric entered the house uneasily looking around at the muggle dwelling and was greeted by Hermione's family. He was a little surprised to see the house elf, even though he knew she had hired one.
"Cedric, you remember my parents, don't you?" Hermione asked.
"Of course. It's good to see you again, Mr. and Mrs. Granger," he said.
"You too, Cedric," Dan said, "but what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at school?"
Cedric grimaced. "Yeah, um, about that…I dropped out."
All of the Grangers' jaws dropped. "What?!" Hermione said.
"Aren't you Head Boy?" Emma asked.
"I was…But not anymore. That's not my school anymore. Dumbledore may still be Headmaster, but Umbridge is the one who's really running the place. Did you know she put up two new Educational Decrees today?"
"No. I expected one, but…what are they?" asked Hermione.
He produced two sheets of parchment, one longer than the other. The first one read:
By Order of The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts
In order to promote the efficient functioning of Hogwarts, teachers may not participate in continuing education programs during the academic year.
The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Eight.
Signed by:
Dolores Jane Umbridge
High Inquisitor
"Well, I expected that one," Hermione said.
"You did?"
"Yes, I was claiming to be teaching a maths class to Septima to get around the last Decree, but I had to take the fall for her when Umbridge caught us."
"Are you in trouble, Hermione?" Emma asked.
"No, I just can't work with her till Umbridge is gone. What was the second Decree?"
Cedric showed them the other parchment:
By Order of The High Inquisitor of Hogwarts
Any student found possessing, reading, or listening to any banned media (see Schedule) will be expelled.
The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-Nine.
Signed by:
Dolores Jane Umbridge
High Inquisitor
Schedule to Educational Decree Number Twenty-Nine
List of banned media:
The Quibbler
Playwizard
Weekly World News
"A schedule?" Hermione said. "Oh, she is good. Moves fast, too. I didn't think she could do that the same day."
"There's a Play-wizard?" Emma said.
"Weekly World News is on the list?" Dan asked.
Hermione shot her parents a look telling them to focus on the matter at hand. "Well, one silver lining: if she bans the interview, it'll make everyone want to read it. But Cedric, why would you drop out of Hogwarts? What could have been so bad to make you do that? And what about all the other students who need you to stand up for them."
"Hermione, I can't do that if I have to let Umbridge walk all over me to do it. I had to take a stand and show her that I wouldn't take it."
Hermione frowned. "She gave you detention, didn't she?"
"A whole week."
"Are you hungry? We have leftovers. I'm guessing you didn't get a chance to eat supper."
"I could use a bite, thanks."
"Dobby, dish up a new plate for Cedric, please," Emma said.
"Yes, Mrs. Granger."
"So, you got detention?" she asked with concern.
"Yes. And Harry and Luna."
"Luna, too?" Hermione said.
He smiled: "You should have seen her. She got up and said she needed to stand up for what she believes in…And then Ginny Weasley tried to defend her and got one night for her trouble." Dobby appeared with his food, and he began shakily eating with only his left hand.
"Cedric, what happened in detention?" Hermione asked.
"She made us use those black quills of hers. You know the ones."
Hermione turned grave, and her parents' faces hardened. "Oh, yes. We know the ones," Dan growled.
"Well, I started writing, and I thought it wouldn't be too bad because I don't have as much feeling in my magical prosthetic. But I forgot that the quill is supposed to heal it, and it doesn't work on wood and metal. So I stopped and asked her if it was legal—"
"It is," Hermione cut in. "She invented the damn things, so there's no law against them."
"Ah…Well, I thought like you did. And you're right; there are a lot of younger students who look up to me, so I didn't want to try anything, and I kept going. But then, the quill cut so deep into my hand that it broke the mechanism." He flopped his wooden hand onto the table, and the Grangers gasped when they saw it. The words, I must not tell lies, were carved wide and deep into the wood. Inside, the delicate cables that magically drove the mechanism were snapped and hanging frayed out of the holes. The fingers hung limp and only half-attached, as if all the tendons had been cut, which was pretty close to true. "Yeah, pretty nasty, isn't it?" he said. "Any chance you can fix it?"
Hermione examined the hand closely. "Not without magic," she said. "Not in a way that would last, anyway. And even with, er, the workaround I was using, Umbridge has the Accidental Magic Office watching me like a hawk, so I couldn't do it here."
"It's fine. I just didn't care to face my parents after this. Anyway, when my hand broke, I couldn't hold the quill anymore…Umbridge told me to write the lines left-handed. I refused. I told her I wasn't going to ruin my one good hand. She told me she could expel me for insubordination, and…I snapped. I told her I quit. I'm worried I made the wrong decision now, but at least I'm of age. Maybe I can be of more use outside of Hogwarts than in it, like you. I can go wherever I want and say whatever I want, not have to follow her stupid rules."
"'If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine,'" Hermione quoted.
"What?"
"Never mind. Do you know who's going to be Head Boy now?"
"I asked Professor Sprout to recommend Roger to Dumbledore for me. That was the best I could do."
Hermione nodded grimly. "It's alright, Cedric," she said. "I understand what you did. Heck I did the same thing months ago, and it's done me a lot of good."
"What about your education, though?" Dan asked.
"I can get a tutor, Mr. Granger."
"Cedric's a pureblood," Hermione explained. "And well-off, to be honest. He won't have near the trouble we did."
"My dad will rant and rave about it for a while, but he'll do it. But Hermione, I also wanted to warn you."
The Grangers grew tense at once. "What about?" Hermione said.
"Umbridge is going to try to claim you were committing sedition by organising that interview. It won't stick, of course. I was careful about what Harry and I said. But she might send Aurors to question you. If you have any contacts in the Auror office, you might want to tell them to get in front of it."
Hermione swallowed hard. That could get very bad very fast. She hadn't thought of a sedition charge. That would be ludicrous even for Umbridge, but maybe…"I will," she said, already mentally composing letters for Dobby to deliver to Grimmauld Place for the first Auror who dropped by, and one to Susan Bones offering for Dobby to relay a message to her aunt…And she should probably write to George and Fred, urging them not to follow Cedric's example. It was a totally different situation.
But then, there was also the risk of dementors, she realised for the first time. She still had a bad feeling someone in the Ministry had sent the dementors after Harry, and she'd just gone and painted a target on her back. She resolved to write another letter to Dumbledore to ask if he could do anything about that.
"I had a question, too, though," Cedric added.
"Huh? Oh, what is it?" she snapped out of her thoughts.
"How have you been sneaking into the D.A. meetings?"
Hermione grinned. "Meet me at Honeydukes a half hour before the next scheduled meeting. I'll get you in. Oh, and since you're out of school now and working on your own, I think maybe I should give you a ring."
"What?!"
She was having too much fun with that.
"Rookwood, I am heartened to see you have fully recovered from Azkaban," Voldemort said. "And caught up on recent events, of course."
"I am eager to serve you, Master," Rookwood said.
"Good. For I need your expertise about your former department."
"Of course, Master."
"I informed you that before my unfortunate defeat, a prophecy had been made concerning me and Harry Potter. I seek to retrieve this prophecy to avoid another disastrous mistake such as that one."
"That will be…difficult, Master," Rookwood said nervously. "The prophecies are heavily protected to ensure no unauthorised persons can take them from their shelves."
"Avery assured me that we had only to Imperius an Unspeakable to remove it for me. That failed."
"Avery was wrong, Master," Voldemort's servant said, gaining confidence. "Only the subjects of a prophecy or the Keeper of the Hall of Prophecy may remove them."
"The Keeper?" Voldemort asked.
Rookword shook his head. "You would have an easier time Imperiusing the Minister, Master. Or even this Madam Bones who has taken over Magical Law Enforcement. Not even the other Unspeakables know who the Keeper is."
"I see…You have done well to tell me this, Rookwood…I have wasted months on Avery's schemes…But no matter. If need be, I will infiltrate the Ministry myself. But we are yet unready. It would be far better to have Potter to retrieve the prophecy for me. I told you earlier that I was able to send him visions, Rookwood, but unfortunately, despite Severus's best efforts, the brat is successfully learning Occlumency. I am growing less able to sway him."
Voldemort fell silent, and Rookwood quickly realised he was angling for a solution. "My Lord," he said shakily, "you are the most powerful Legilimens in the world—far more accomplished than I. If…if Potter is not fooled by your visions, then perhaps some other form of bait will be more effective."
Voldemort thought this over. "Yes…perhaps. Potter does have friends who are outside the protection of Hogwarts. And he certainly has a large hero complex. I will speak to Lucius of this. His son will know more. In the meantime, Rookwood, I want a complete map of the Department of Mysteries and a summary of everything you know about prophecies and the Hall of Prophecy."
"I will see to it at once, my Lord."
Despite her setbacks, Hermione continued her various projects. Her studies of metallurgy had fallen by the wayside for a while with everything else she had to do, especially now that she couldn't do magic at home anymore, but she still had one thing she wanted to do before she wrapped them up: melting tungsten.
This apparently wasn't standard even for muggles. Tungsten was not normally worked by melting. It was worked by sintering: heating and pressing the powdered metal to partially bond the particles. This wasn't surprising because only rare and expensive ceramics could actually withstand enough heat to hold the molten metal. With Imperturbable Charms, she didn't have that problem, but she did have a problem with how to generate that much heat in the first place. There was a big leap from the flames that wizards typically worked with, or even the 2,500-degrees Celsius of a thermite fire, to the 3,422-degree melting point of tungsten.
She investigated the various ways muggles created such intense heat, and didn't find much that was promising. She couldn't find any material about induction or electric arc furnaces going above 3,000 degrees Celsuis. A solar furnace could reach 4,000 degrees, but she wasn't sure if she could pull that off with the materials she had available. It would take a mirror shaped into a perfect paraboloid (probably with magic), and an Imperturbable Charm crucible (Hmm, could she get a paper out of that?) at just the right spot. How big would the mirror need to be? It took some fiddling with angles and the Stefan-Boltzmann Law, but it worked out to about 130 times the diameter of the target—if she could point it directly at the sun and evacuate the air around the target. So it would take a mirror four feet wide to melt a one-centimetre target. Not very efficient, but it just might work.
She decided to try it. The trouble was where to do it. She couldn't do it at home. It would raise too many eyebrows to try it there, and she would need to cast the Vacuum Charm with active magic. She could build it at Grimmauld Place, but there was no room to test it within the Fidelius Charm.
It seemed like she was stuck until, on Monday at Grimmauld Place, she had an idea.
"Sirius, does the Fidelius extend to the roof?"
"Well, I'd have to check with Dumbledore, but I'm pretty sure it would have to go higher than the chimneys and aerials. Why?"
Hermione smiled. "Can I get up there?"
It turned out she was in luck. Professor Dumbledore informed Sirius that the Fidelius Charm extended far enough above the roof of Grimmauld Place to test her solar furnace safely there as long as she used charms to clear away any smoke. And so, on Thursday, Sirius and Professor Slughorn both went up to help her. She probably could have done it herself, but it would be much easier with three of them.
Her solar furnace consisted of a wooden hoop four feet in diameter attached to a secondhand telescope mount with a basketwork of wood scraps. A huge sheet of Mylar was stretched across it, magically pulled back into a perfect mathematical paraboloid and smoothed out with an appropriate runic scheme. (Come to think of it, she could make a killing in the telescope business doing that.) A metal rod attached the crucible to it. The crucible was an ordinary drinking glass charmed unbreakable, and made nearly invisible with new charm Hermione had developed: a heavily-modified Colour-Change Charm that reduced the glass's index of refraction so it was nearly identical to that of the air. This way, it would absorb as little of the sunlight as possible and should stay cool. She also charmed it heat-resistant and added an Imperturbable Charm over top of that, and then, she used the Vacuum Charm to evacuate the air in a bubble around it, making it the perfect crucible for melting tungsten.
"And how hot did you say this would get again, Miss Granger?" Professor Slughorn asked.
"If we can point the dish exactly right, it could be as hot as four thousand degrees Celsius," she said.
"Four thousand…" he said in amazement. "I do believe that is hotter than any magical fire I've ever heard of. Of course, cursed fire can be more destructive, but it uses magic to do it."
"Well, this is good, old-fashioned sunlight," she said. "Just like burning things with a very large magnifying glass."
"This will certainly be an achievement if it works, then. So we just point it at the sun?"
"Yes, so that the reflection hits the crucible." She's placed a small amount of tungsten powder in the Imperturbable Charm's hollow. "Lucky we had some sun today."
"Yes, now let's see…" Professor Slughorn waved his wand and carefully positioned the dish at the right angle and charmed it to follow the sun. Being a Potions Master with a steady hand, she could trust him to get those careful movements exactly right. The three of them watched as the powdered tungsten glowed a blinding white from the reflected sunlight.
"Looks like it's working," Sirius said.
"Yes, we just need to see if it gets hot enough," Hermione said. The light was so bright that she used magically-darkened glasses to watch it. In the vacuum bubble, the tungsten heated very quickly, and within a few minutes, she saw the pile of powder glow even brighter with its own heat and slump into a liquid drop conforming to the shape of the crucible. "I think it's working," she said. "Let's pull it down."
They did. The tungsten drop was still white-hot, and they had to be careful to keep it from flowing out of the crucible. It was so hot that it took carefully-applied Cooling Charms before they could even lift Vacuum Charm safely. Luckily, Hermione didn't have to worry about it sticking. As soon as the Imperturbable Charm was lifted, a solid lump of tungsten fell to the bottom of the glass. She tipped it out into her hand and held it up.
"Well, it worked," she said.
"Marvellous!" Professor Slughorn exclaimed. "Now that is not something you see every day. This could become a very valuable process."
"I don't know about that, Professor. It took a really complicated setup just to do this… All that trouble for less than an ounce of solid tungsten," she mused to herself. "I guess it completes my collection of elements, but honestly, it would be a lot easier if…"
She froze. No. It couldn't be that easy, could it?
If I could just rearrange the atoms, she thought.
She went over the first few steps of the arithmancy in her head. Merlin's beard, it was! "I am such an idiot!" she groaned. Her magnesium-filtering spell already rearranged the atoms in the soil, converting the metal from the ionic form to the metallic form. She still wasn't sure where the energy came from, but it worked. Simple molecules couldn't be that much harder, nor would metallic crystals. And maybe permanent supermagnets, too? Liquid nitrogen? Liquid oxygen? Those might present a different set of challenges, but still—
Wait, she could make crystals.
It couldn't be that easy, could it?
She needed to go back to the drawing board.
Educational Decrees so far:
#21: Limits accreditation to prevent students from going to school overseas.
#22: Allows the Ministry to fill vacant teaching positions at Hogwarts.
#23: Creates the position of High Inquisitor.
#24: Gives the High Inquisitor supreme authority over punishments.
#25: Bans unauthorised student organisations.
#26: Forbids teachers from giving students information outside of their subjects.
#27: Forbids teachers from teaching extra subjects.
#28: Forbids teachers from participating in continuing education programs during the school year.
#29: Bans a schedule of forbidden media.