Chapter 25: Fears of the Future
Octavia couldn't help it, she was laughing at the way James and Sirius were acting.
The three of them were standing on the Quidditch Pitch, waiting for Frank to address them for the Gryffindor Quidditch try outs. Octavia had never seen the two of them look so focused, it was an unusual sight and she couldn't help but laugh at them for their actions.
Sirius turned his head and glared at her just as Frank stepped out of the team room, ready to start try outs.
Octavia stuck her tongue out before skipping over to where Frank was standing with the rest of the team, she linked her arm through Marlene's before whispering in her ear.
"James and Sirius are hilarious, acting this focused." Marlene smirked at her before looking at where the two boys were standing.
Frank quickly addressed them, thanking them for attending try outs before throwing them all into some quick basic flying drills to find out which ones didn't have a high enough flying standards for the team.
A few more people had turned up to the try outs compared to the previous year due to two positions being opened instead of the previous one. It also didn't help that the two positions that were open were also different positions on the team forcing Frank to hold two separate try outs so he was able to watch everyone individually while they focused on the one task before throwing everyone in together.
Octavia was floating in the one spot watching them all fly around, Frank hadn't released the snitch just yet, as he wasn't too sure as to how some of them would go with her racing through them. It was when she felt a Bludger skim past her ear that she spun around in shock to find Sirius there with a massive grin on his face.
"SIRIUS!" she screamed out, while glaring at him. "What if you had hit me?"
"But I didn't, I didn't aim to hit you, just startle you." He continued to grin and she shook her head.
"Frank can I have your bat?" she questioned when he flew over to find out what the two of them were arguing about.
"Don't even give it to her, we'll all end up in the Hospital Wing."
"I don't have that bad of an aim."
"Try telling Amycus and his broken arm that." Sirius retorted and Octavia crossed her arms.
"Good job for breaking Carrow's arm," Frank patted her on the shoulder. "But you can't have my bat, I'm about to release the Snitch anyway so you'll be busy chasing that. I don't want you to catch it, just chase after it and when you get close don't make a grab for it, just let it get away before chasing it again."
"Will do Cap'in." She saluted before flying off causing Sirius to laugh at her and Frank's face.
Try outs for finally finished but Octavia wasn't on the ground listening to Frank had to say, she was sitting in the goal hoops, looking at the Snitch in her hands. She knew he probably would have preferred if she was down with him and the rest of the team but she wasn't interested in what he had to say, or even who he picked to fill the two empty positions.
"You know that's a Snitch for training purposes, it's meant to go back in the box with the rest of the balls?" Sirius spoke and she looked at up and gave him a smile.
"Wow, one step on the Pitch for try outs and you become a stickler for the rules, next thing I know you will become Prefect."
"Nick it," he deadpanned and she laughed.
"Was planning on it, I like the Snitch, I like feel of it in my hands. It fits in my hands, it's hard and cool."
Sirius reached over and pulled it from her hands, rolling it around in his own hands to see what she liked about it.
"Are you worried about playing this year? Marlene asked me if you were still sure about playing this year after what happened against Slytherin."
"Am said he was pissed about that, that it shouldn't have happened and I doubt that if you made the team, come our match against Slytherin you would let that happen."
"Too right, I protect those I consider family and I will always consider you family O, you know that right?" Octavia nodded at Sirius with a small smile.
"I know Sirius, you're family too regardless of anything that could happen between us."
"Come on let's go shower before getting some food, I know how hungry you get can get after practise." Sirius teased but she just climbed onto her broom and flew down to the ground.
"The Snitch?" Frank questioned with his hand held out but she smiled at him innocently.
"Don't have it," she responded before skipping away, somehow feeling much better now than she was previously and she just put it down to finally being back at Quidditch.
.oOo.
Octavia woke up to the feeling of someone shaking her awake, she grumbled a response before rolling over.
"O wake up." Her eyes snapped open and she sat up at the sound of Sirius' voice, but she relaxed when she realised where she was.
"Did you spend all night in here?" she nodded as she swung her legs around, rubbing her eyes.
She had forgotten that she was in the secluded room late last night, she ended up being out past curfew and couldn't be bothered attempting to sneak back to the Gryffindor common room and risk getting detention so she ended up sleeping on the couch.
"I didn't mean to be in here that late, and when I realised how late it was I didn't want to try dodging Filch or Mrs Norris."
"Lilith was worried that you weren't in the dorm this morning and when she asked me where you were, assuming you were with me that's when I got worried."
"I didn't mean to worry you…"
"I know, it's fine O. Come on let's head back to the common room and get you showered and dressed before breakfast."
She nodded and followed him back to the Gryffindor common room in silence.
Sirius looked at her, worried. She was awfully silent and he didn't know what to do to fix her this time, after try outs three days ago she seemed to be in such a better mood but then yesterday after class she went to the library claiming she needed a book for something but when she returned to the common room, without a book, looking like she had been crying it worried him. They all tried to find out what was wrong with her but she didn't reply, just focused on her homework.
They headed to the Great Hall for dinner and she claimed she wasn't hungry, said if she was she would go to the kitchens and they didn't see her for the rest of the night. Sirius told them all to give her space, saying that if they pushed her she would push them out.
"Are you going to tell me what happened yesterday? Remember I know you incredibly well, after everything we've been through together growing up I also know what it looks like when you've been crying." Sirius questioned as they walked, but he didn't receive a response and he knew not to push it, he just accepted the silence and continued to walk beside her.
"Some of the sixth year Slytherin's had a few choice words, about me, about you, about my future marriage with Regulus, about everything that makes us different to them." Octavia finally spoke, her voice was soft and quiet.
"What did they say O? You can't honestly believe some of the stuff they said."
"They keep claiming that I shouldn't be marrying Regulus, it's they like believe one day he will become the heir instead of you, they all think they should marry him instead, it'll help keep the blood line pure because obviously there is something wrong with us, there was even talks of your contract with Makenna and how it might become void."
"That's all stuff we don't want anyway, why do you care what they think about our marriages? You want to find your prince charming and have the choice to marry him, regardless of what your family thinks. What else was said to make you so upset?"
"They don't understand how my family still claims me as their own, they don't understand why Amycus is protecting me like he is, they think he should be more like Alecto. They claim she has done nothing but bad mouth me in the common room, they think someone should just do what Voldemort didn't do last summer and kill me." her eyes welled up again, she took a step back when Sirius took a step towards her in attempts to hug her.
"How would they know what happened? Who was there last summer?"
"I don't know, the only people I know who were definitely there was Alecto, Bella and Narcissa anyone else wore masks and I couldn't make out their voices, as for how they knew well it could have one of two things, Alecto was telling her friends or they are in with Voldemort and he mentioned it."
Sirius reached out and wiped away a stray tear that had escaped, glad that she didn't take a step away from him this time. His hand stayed on her cheek and he softly stroked it.
"Regardless of what they said about our arranged marriages that we don't want, you shouldn't believe the other stuff they said. Remember what Amycus told you, both he and Alecto love you. We already suspect that maybe Alecto has a skewed view on the sense of love but Amycus, he has claimed that he will do everything he can to protect you, even if that means putting a wedge between the two of you. I spoke to him, he tried going to your parents during the summer, that's why your father did what he did to your back because Amycus requested that it stopped, Amycus was punished as well."
"I didn't know that…" her voice was soft as she lowered her gaze, but Sirius just placed his fingers under her chin and forced her to look at him.
"I know and I wasn't planning on telling you because I know you, you would have blamed yourself and told Amycus to say nothing else to your parents to protect him, regardless of the pain and suffering you get. All of this side, don't ever believe someone when they say you should be killed, that's horrible. Think of the people you will be leaving behind, our friends, the people on the Quidditch team, Amycus loves you and even though we haven't spoken to Dromeda in a while she cares about you and my brother, god I hate saying this but my brother cares deeply about you." Sirius spoke, hoping to get her to see that those girls were just trying to tear her down and she shouldn't believe anything that they say.
Octavia nodded before giving the Fat Lady the password for the Gryffindor common room and heading inside, she stopped noticing the crowd hovering around the notice board.
"Guess Frank put the new team listing up," she spoke looking over her shoulder at Sirius, noticing the odd nod of his head.
"He did…" he voice was nonchalant and it confused her.
Sirius had been looking forward to this moment for three days, he had been bugging Frank about it and the only reason he stopped was because he was threatened with a stinging hex.
"James made the team…" Sirius spoke again and Octavia grinned at him, silent for a moment waiting to see if he would say something about himself but he didn't, he just continued to walk towards the stairs.
"Sirius, did you make the team?"
"I haven't looked…"
"What why?" She was confused, it didn't make sense, she assumed both he and James would have been first in line to see the team listing together, surprised that James didn't even say anything to him about his own outcome.
"When Lilith asked where you were this morning I was more concerned with finding you then finding out whether or not I made the team, it made me wonder if I want to be on the team for the same reasons anymore, if I want to be on the team because it's still something we've both wanted for as long as we can remember or if I want to be able to protect you against the Slytherin team after what happened last time."
"You're being an idiot, you've always wanted to be on the team and you spent days bugging Frank about the position." Octavia couldn't believe he was being like this, she pushed past him and everyone else who was crowding around the notice board to see who had made the team.
Keeper: Tyler Kingsinton
Beaters: Frank Longbottom, Sirius Black
Chasers: Marlene McKinnon, James Potter, Isabella Lowe
Seeker: Octavia Carrow
Octavia instantly grinned at the team listing, she was happy for Sirius, regardless of what he just said she knew he wanted on the team because it was something he had always wanted and the events from yesterday had just reminded him of what happened in the match against Slytherin and his fear of almost losing her.
When she turned around Sirius was no longer standing at the bottom of the staircase when she left him, she wanted to follow and tell him that he was on the team but she had to go up, shower and get dressed before coming back down for breakfast.
Octavia didn't manage to catch Sirius until she entered the Great Hall for breakfast, she sat down in the spare seat beside him, he looked up and gave her a smile before looking back down at his plate.
"O where were you last night? I was worried." Lilith spoke, causing her to pull her focus.
"Sorry, I lost track of time and then didn't see the point in attempting to avoid whoever was doing patrols last night to make it back to the common room, I just slept on the couch in there." She gave Lilith a smile and the answer seemed to ease all of their worries about her disappearance the previous night.
"You made the team you know," Octavia spoke, looking back at Sirius but he wasn't looking at her anymore, just looking at his plate.
There was something off about him and it worried her, they were both well known for not opening up when they were asked what was bothering them but they also knew each other extremely well and knew when they can and can't push each other to open up. The fact that they were all sitting in the Great Hall wasn't exactly the best time to push Sirius, it was more to do be done in private, more so when it was just the two of them.
"I don't want it…" Sirius muttered and everyone looked at him with their mouths hanging wide open.
"Why mate? It's all you could speak off leading up to try outs." James questioned but Octavia shook her head.
When Sirius didn't respond, no one said anything else on the topic, just changed it to their upcoming Care of Magical Creatures class and what creature they could be learning about this time round.
It wasn't until that afternoon that Octavia finally managed to pull Sirius away from the rest of their friends.
"What are we doing O?" Sirius complained as she dragged him through the castle.
"We're going for a fly and we're going to throw the Quaffle between us, I want you to remember what you fell in love when it comes to Quidditch like it did in the beginning."
"I don't want too."
"Why? You love going for a fly and most of the time it's you dragging me out for a fly."
"Just drop it O." Sirius growled as he pulled his hand from her grasp, that action caused her to turn around and face him.
"What's really going on? Why don't you want this anymore? Even during the summer it was all you were talking about, what's changed in the last week? If you didn't want this last week you wouldn't have turned up to try outs." Her face softened as she stepped closer to him, hoping to get a better read on him.
Sirius was silent, just looking at her. Her face may have been soft and calm but it was her eyes, always her eyes that gave away the emotion she was feeling whether it was good or bad.
The longer Sirius was silent, the more unnerved she became.
It all happened so fast, Octavia couldn't even remember seeing Sirius step towards her and press his lips against hers.
The kiss only last a moment, but when he pulled away he just left and kept walking.
"SIRIUS!" Octavia yelled out, hoping he would stop so they could talk.
Something had happened, something was said that caused Sirius do that. He wouldn't have done it otherwise, regardless of them both not wanting their future marriages to happen, he wouldn't do something like that to her.
She wanted to follow him, but she couldn't, instead turned and walked in the opposite direction towards the Quidditch Pitch to grab her broom, hoping the rush of air will clear her head.
.oOo.
Weeks had passed since the kiss that took place between Sirius and Octavia, neither one of them said anything, they didn't know how.
Sirius was worried how she was going to react about it all, worried that she would chew him a new one.
While Octavia was worried about him in general, she had no idea what had caused a reaction like that, she was missing something. She didn't want to bring up the kiss in fear that it would just close him off even more but she hadn't found the best chance to bring up what had happened to lead up to that moment.
In the end Sirius had stayed on the Quidditch team, realising what Octavia was trying to show him, regardless of what happened during the Slytherin match he enjoyed playing Quidditch so much and wanted to enjoy these moments with both James and Octavia.
"What's going on with Sirius?" Remus whispered to Octavia one day during Charms.
She didn't say anything at first, just looked up at where Sirius was sitting with James and Peter, except Sirius was actually focusing on his work while James and Peter were goofing off for a change.
"I honestly don't know Moony, I don't even know how to broach the topic with him because every time I try, he snaps at me."
"I've seen his temper, it doesn't worry you?"
She shook her head, she knew Sirius would never hurt her. "No, he would never hurt me just because he loses his temper, you shouldn't worry about that."
"O…"
"Don't Moony, honestly. He knows everything that's happened at home, he hates it so why would he do something like them?" she responded, in code, hoping Remus would get what she was on about without Lilith cluing in who was on the other side.
"Alright fine I believe you but his attitude is worrying me right now, I don't know how to help him."
"I just have to get out of him what is wrong first, something's happened between try outs and the night I spent in the secret room. Once I finally get out of him what's going on, I will know how to fix it or at least help." She responded causing Remus to nod.
Sirius turned his head around with the feeling that someone was watching him, he found both Remus and Octavia looking at him and he could see the concern written on their faces. He returned Octavia's smile before facing forward again, going back to his own work.
.oOo.
"Moony what's a metercircle?" Sirius questioned, causing a variety of reactions from them all but it was only Octavia that laughed.
They were currently sitting in their secluded room working on homework, Sirius and Octavia were currently working on Muggle Studies, which surprisingly seemed to hold Sirius' attention for much longer than any other subjects.
"He means a motorcycle, what's a motorcycle?" Octavia responded once she had stopped laughing, it caused Remus to laugh before he explained.
"It's similar in the aspect of getting a rush of air from a broom but muggles ride them for the adrenaline rush they receive, they're basically like a car…wait do you know what a car is?" Remus questioned causing Sirius' eyebrows to scrunch up in annoyance.
"Yes I know what a car is…" he muttered and Octavia elbowed him in the ribs.
"So yes a motorcycle is like a car but you get the wind rushing through your hair and the adrenaline rush you get from a broom. It has two wheels and a motor like a car does." Remus explained and they could all see the excitement on Sirius' face at the idea of the motorcycle.
"Your mother will kill you if you buy a motorcycle and how the hell are you going to learn how to ride one of those," Octavia pointed a finger at him but he just plastered the evil smirk on his face that she rarely saw, that none of their friends had yet seen. "Whatever you're thinking Sirius, don't do it…" she warned but he continued to look at her like that.
"I'll find a way to ride one of them."
"Just so you know Sirius, you legally have to be a certain age to ride one of them. You have to have to take these tests and everything, it won't be as simple as you buying a bike and teaching yourself how to ride." Remus explained but it didn't seem to bother Sirius.
"Do you really want to piss your mother off?" Octavia questioned, weary of what could happen when Walburga was pissed off, she was worried that maybe she would start punishing him again.
Sirius shrugged in response before looking back down at the book that was between him and Octavia.
"What if?" she spoke quietly and he looked up at her, quickly noticing the worry in her eyes.
"She won't, she knows what will happen if she pushes me away without disowning me. Don't worry alright?" Octavia nodded and looked back at the book, focusing on the assignment task in front of them, all the different forms of transportation that muggles used and how it varied to the forms witches and wizards use.
"Alright Moony, what the hell is a bicycle and how is that different to a motorcycle." Sirius questioned in frustration and they all laughed at him.
It didn't take long for them all to Sirius and Octavia alone, sick of the questions Sirius had when it came to his Muggle Studies assignment, Octavia was too busy laughing at his questions to even concentrate on her own assignment.
"O…" Sirius whined and she looked up through her eyelashes at him.
"Yes Sirius." she responded and he pouted at her. "Oh come on I'm not giving you the answers, you actually enjoy Muggle Studies, but you're just lazy when it comes to the research." His grin caused her to laugh softly.
"I think I'm actually finished, just wanted you to check it for me, like old times?" she nodded, unsure as to why he was asking this of all times.
When they were younger, she used to check his essay for spelling and grammatical errors until he got the hang of it and he did eventually but since they had been at Hogwarts he had rarely asked her to check his essays.
"It's perfect as far as I can tell Sirius, I don't know why you were so worried about it. Don't tell me you have a crush on Smith." She teased and he shook his head, grabbing the parchment from her and rolling it up to place back in his bag.
"Sirius what is going on? What are you keeping from me?" Octavia questioned, frowning when he refused to look at her. "Please talk to me, it can't be worse than me having those sixth years state that they wished Voldemort had killed me that summer."
"All your jokes about my family disowning me may come true."
"What are you on about Sirius?"
"My parents want me to fix whatever it is between Makenna and I as there are rumours floating amongst the families that her family is going to pay the dowry."
"Why do your parents have an issue with that?"
"Because it will look bad on the family, that me being placed in Gryffindor has caused that much trouble that the Rosiers don't want to be a part of the family anymore and that they are willing to pull a lot of their stocks and investments to pay for it."
"But why do you care?"
"If I get disowned I can't protect you anymore, I can't look after both of us when we run away when I turn 17." Octavia now perfectly understood everything, he didn't care either way, he was just worried what would happen to her if he was no longer around to help protect her.
"You're trying to work out how to approach Makenna, why can't you tell her the truth. If you ditch her, come the wedding it will look bad on you not her, you don't care either way what they think of you."
"How the hell am I going to tell the girl, I barely speak to mind you, that I'm planning on disowning my family the minute I turn 17?" Sirius snapped and she took a deep breath before rubbing her temples.
"Don't tell her that, just tell her you're planning on running away, you just want to get to a decent amount of gold in your vault, pay her off for all I care. This is Makenna we are talking about and she is a Rosier, we all know that the Rosiers want nothing but money, it's why they jumped at the chance to have you two get married."
"I really don't want to have to talk to her though that's the thing," he placed his elbows on the table and leaned forward, running his fingers through his hair.
"Is that why you kissed me?" she questioned softly while placing her hands on his, noting the tight grip he had on his hair.
"When I read the letter from mother she stated I must do anything I can to make Makenna change her mind, if that included her wanting us to date or whatever, I was unsure how I would feel about that. I always thought my time at Hogwarts was to do what I wanted and in that moment I panicked thinking I was losing it all, so I kissed you, knowing that at least that would be something I decided to make my own."
"You'll pull your hair out if you don't let go," Octavia whispered while still attempting to pry his fingers out of his hair.
He did as she requested and let go before barking out a laugh, "I say all of that and you have nothing in response?"
"What am I meant to say? That I know where you are coming from, I understand what it means that I have my future taken away from me or are you forgetting that? I worry that one day both of our parents will request the same thing from Regulus and I, for us to start dating publicly like Narcissa and Lucius did. I get why you kissed me, I'm not mad that you did it, yes I'm mad you took away something I wish I had a say in but I won't hold it against you Sirius."
He wrapped his arms around and her and held her close, "I'm afraid that one day I'm going to lose you, I'm going to lose my best friend and that one day our parents won't approve of our friendship anymore."
"I'm scared too Sirius," she whispered in his ear as her eyes welled up.
She always knew this was why neither of them had ever thought about dating each other, because if word got back to their parents then it would be a punishable offence. Their parents would ban them from seeing each other and neither one of them could have that.
.oOo.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who continues to read, set alerts and review my story it means a lot to me but reviews mean even more.
Raven that flies at night thank you for reviewing, it means a lot to me. Ah yes I remember those types of presents and that could be what they were given in the boxes they received from James but I would rather skip over the presents, future chapters when they are older I will cover some of their presents.