Act 2-6.1: Meet the Acrobat

Ugh...Where is Todd?

And why does Todd feel like his head is...screwed on backwards?

I opened my eyes. The entire area was dark, and I could feel my body being restricted by something soft and smooth, like cardboard. I was curled up into a ball, and unless was mistaken I was lying on a pile of...pillows?

Hm. Really comfortable. Todd could just snuggle up here forever...Nah. Best to get up. Don't wanna make Big Sis Nico worry.

Considering the effects of gravity on my body, I merely pushed in the opposite direction, and was relieved to have the surface open outwards. Dim light filtered into my holding space, and my eyes contracted at the sudden exposure to a different wavelength of light on the colour spectrum.

This light...Todd has only seen intensity of this kind of light somewhere before, so this must be...the Storage Room?

I slowly pushed myself upwards. The tingly feeling in my legs prevented me from getting up all the way, but I managed to seat my posterior against the surface of the cardboard box.

Something felt terribly wrong here. My legs were my pride and joy - spending twenty hours a week strength-training them couldn't have made them so weak at just waking up, right?

Unless the muscles have atrophied. But that would mean Todd has been sleeping for a longer time than otherwise necessary...Hold on. What day even is it?

Tentatively, I twisted my leg over the box, and placed my bare foot on the cool surface. One foot down, I pivoted the other over.

Here goes Todd…

I gently pushed myself up from where I was seated, adjusting to the knobby feeling of my legs by remembering what Mama Sinead taught me - channeling the blood flow downwards. I took a small step forward to ensure my balance.

Whew. Now that that's over with, where does Todd go now? What time is it?

In fact...where's everyone?

I checked my pockets. As I expected, my ElectroID was still neatly tucked away, so I took it out. It appeared to be offline, though.

Perhaps it turned itself off from lack of use...What a funky piece of machinery!

Shaking it didn't do me any good, and neither did pressing any of the buttons on the device. Giving up, I decided to just go find the others, especially Big Sis Nico.

Opening the door to the hallways, I walked back down the familiar looking stretch of carpeting, arriving at the Atrium. What I hadn't expected to see, however, was the giant escalator in the middle of the fountain, where the unicorn had been.

Aww...And Todd was gonna call her Unicorn819 and feed her golden carrots too!

I walked on towards the hallway that led to the staterooms. Turning into the final corner, I noticed one of the room doors were open.

That one belongs to Ashley, right? Maybe she's awake.

I walked in, and the first two people I saw were...Sasha and Xiang? Oh, Ashley must have invited them over!

"Upupupupupupu! Attention all students; a body has been discovered! I repeat: a body has been discovered! After a brief period of investigation, a Class Trial will commence, so do make the best use of your time! Cheerio!"

Ignoring that, I walked forward and greeted them. "Ooh, are you having a slumber party? Can Todd join?"

The activist turned towards me, eyes filled with rage. "What the hell, Dunham?! Ashley's fucking dead!"

…

…

"Who killed her, then?" I asked, tilting my head.

"Well isn't that what we're trying to find out here, you imbecile?!"

Xiang patted her shoulder. "Sasha, calm down, I don't think Todd knows how serious it is."

"Ignorance is no excuse!" she cried.

I walked closer, and moved to feel for Ashley's pulse. "Todd does know how serious it is, guys. Todd is no stranger to the foreign concept of death. Todd just thought it was one of you who killed her, so Todd thought he'd ask to check."

Yep. Nothing. The K-Pop Idol's taken her last dance. Hm, shame. I always liked her.

"It was one of the thirteen people on the airship," Xiang confirmed, "But it certainly wasn't Sasha or I. Nor you."

"Well, of course." I stood up. "Todd just woke up from a nap, after all. Can't possibly have interacted with Ashley in that time. So...what do we do now, huh? Any ideas from you? Her?"

"Them, you flying orange shithead!" Sasha screamed.

"What?"

"My. Pronouns. Are. They. Them. Theirs."

"...Huh. So there are more than one Sashas living in the same body?" I snapped my fingers. "That's it! You must be some kind of error-macro soul jar!"

"No! I'm one person, just non-binary!"

...Safe to say, Sasha had lost me somewhere with her long-winded response. Who was this 'we', and why were they invading Sasha's body to speak? Perhaps Todd should draw them out through voodoo-

"T-Todd?! Is that you!"

I turned around, and became the recipient of an enormous rib-crushing bear hug.

"Oh my various gods, you're safe!" Nico cried into my chest, "You have no idea how worried I was!"

"Woah, Nico, why so serious?" I pondered, although I hugged her back in return.

"Uh, if you're ever gonna stop hugging the transphobic cockatiel, there's a fucking dead body," said Sasha, clearly angry.

"Transphobic cockatiel?" Nico's eyes were filled with shock and fear, "WAIT, DEAD BODY?"

"Ashley's dead," I offered, "And Xiang says someone on board the ship killed her."

She took one look at me, one look behind me, and said, "...K."

Before fainting dead away to the floor.

"...Is that supposed to happen?" I asked no one in particular.

As it turned out, I missed much more than I had thought. I'd been gone for four days, and in that time, Ava also killed JJ, before she was exorcised.

"That's executed, Todd." Xiang corrected.

Oh. Well, in any case, there were only thirteen of us left, and soon to be twelve once we get to the bottom of this.

"Where do we start?" asked Xiang, looking at Sasha.

She-

"They!" Sasha interjected, "And since Kenta still isn't awake, let's start with the area surrounding her corpse. There's gotta be some clues there."

Sure. Okay, let's see here.

Hmm, so, Ashley doesn't seem to have any external wounds. No holes in her body except the ones she already has, no black spots from burning, no marks.

Weird. How'd she die, then?

"Poison, probably," Sasha muttered as she-

"They!"

...They leaned over the body. "Doesn't leave any marks. Doesn't even show up in an autopsy sometimes."

"Then it was someone with a knowledge of chemicals?" Xiang asked.

"Yeah, probably…"

Poison? Hmm, I think Mama Sinead's trick should still work.

I positioned myself in front of Ashley's peaceful face, before leaning in and kissing her on the lips.

"Todd! What are you-"

Sasha cut off Xiang. "Dude, what the hell? Are you a necrophiliac or something?"

...That weird taste. Sweet, yet lacking in flavour...tastes like almonds. What is that supposed to mean?

I stood up. "First of all, what's a necrophiliac? Secondly, Todd can taste almonds on Ashley's lips. Did she eat some of those before she went to sleep?"

Sasha seemed to think about it. "Hmm...well, maybe she has a fatal nut allergy?"

"But that doesn't make any sense." Xiang studied her body. "I'm seeing no sign of any swelling or indication of her body reacting to an allergy, nor do I remember her eating any sort of nut-related dish last night."

"Ugh, I never was very good at chemistry, but maybe there's a poison out there that tastes like almonds?" Sasha scratched their chin. "I studied poisons once so that I could avoid assassination, and I think there is one. Hold on...it's on the tip of my tongue...ah! Potassium cyanide!"

Potassium cyanide? K. See, and I thought-

...Huh. What's that smell in the air?

My nose perked up. There were five scents in the room. Mine, Sasha's, Xiang's, Big Sis Nico's, and...one more.

Huh. Maybe it's her killer.

I followed my nose until I came to Ashley's hair. Breathing in the scent of her shampoo, I detected the unknown fragrance coming off of it too. It smelled like…a nauseating, yet sickeningly sweet smell. Almost like..."Antiseptic?"

"Antiseptic?" Sasha asked. "Only person who's been near that'd be...Kenta?!"

They clenched their fist. "I knew it. He might talk a big game, but I've got him cornered. He can't hide from the facts."

"Hide what?" I asked.

"That he's an illuminatus."

"What's a-"

"I was being sarcastic. He's the killer."

Xiang pondered. "Perhaps it's too early to jump to conclusion-"

"He also has a motive. Xiang, he never revealed his secret! He's suspicious!"

Secret? "Sorry, what secret? Todd's been away quite a while."

Sasha sighed. "Our motive was that if we didn't kill someone our deepest, darkest secret would be revealed to everyone. We revealed ours en masse, but some people-" they glared at Xiang "-didn't spill. Including Kenta."

"So Hideki killed Ashley because of his secret?" I scratched my head. "Wow, that must have been very serious-"

"FREEZE!"

I looked out into the doorway, where I saw...two people in black suits and sunglasses.

"Continuity police here, you're under arrest!" the one on the right, an androgynous figure with shoulder-length dark red hair, screamed. "Crime is illegal, fuckos!"

"...What they said." The comparatively taller figure on the left muttered, running a hand through his short brown hair.

Wait, what's going on?

"You heard me, bitch!" the redhead screamed. "I'm special agent K, and you're under fucking arrest!"

Their companion turned to them. "That's not how it works...also, I thought I was J and you were K?"

"But my name literally starts with K...and your middle initial is J!"

He raised an eyebrow. "Exactly my point."

"Look, let's just drop the codenames." The redhead lowered their sunglasses very slightly, so that those assembled could see their grey eyes. "I'm Lime, and this is SD. We're your gods, so bow down, pathetic mortals!"

...Um, sorry, is this a side effect of me sleeping for so long?

"No, my dear reality-breaking Mary Sue," Lime said, "We are your actual physical gods. We dictate your circumstances, your actions and even your defining traits. But that's not our problem."

"What they said," SD repeated. "Regardless, these past two chapters have been absolutely out of hand. Todd, you're...not exactly supposed to be here"

"Todd's...not?"

"No, you're not. You weren't in a box, you-"

"Jesus of Nazareth, SD! Stop with the spoilers!" Lime stepped in. "Regardless, yeah. This Todd shtick is getting way out of hand. So we're gonna retcon the past two chapters."

"Well, ret-gone, but eh, close enough."

"Wait, what about me?" Sasha angrily stood up. "What about my role as protagonist? What about my relationship with Xiang?"

"Yes, what about it?" Xiang asked. "They're only retconning the past two chapters - that won't change any of it, I think."

Lime shrugged. "I'm not gonna tell you what it will or won't change. Although I guess we can retcon back further to Act One, keep HockeyStaff afloat…"

"Absolutely not, Lime. Let's not make this any more complicated than it needs to be," SD said, clearly irritated. "We're just gonna retcon this before it gets even more convoluted."

Well, what am I supposed to do, then?

"Todd, you'll be coming with us." SD grabbed his hand. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble - we're just relocating you to your original location."

"Okay, fine," Lime muttered. "By the power vested in me, I do declare these past two chapters of Act Two - Non-canon!"

A bright white light filled the room, as the sound of a 'delete' key being mashed filled my ears.

And then, nothing but the sensation of wind blowing against my face.

Act 2-6 REWRITTEN

? Students Remaining

I stepped into the room, before getting hit with a strange, overwhelming sense of nausea.

Blech, it feels like that time YG Entertainment tried to shove PSY merchandising down our throats.

Shaking my head to clear it off, I resumed entering Hideki's room.

Except for the contents of the table, his was identical to mine and Nico's. His was neater by far, with medical tools stacked on the table, and a row of lab coats hanging on the walls. Hideki himself was playing with a small bottle, before he put it into his pocket when he saw that I had arrived.

Papers were scattered on the desk. When I looked closer, I could just see the name on the top manila folder.

"Hideki Kenta, SHSL Surgeon - Records."

While I wondered why he would have records on himself, I shrugged it off as irrelevant, and returned my attention to Hideki.

"Here." He passed the cup of steaming hot coffee he had been stirring towards me, and sat across the table from me. "So, I suppose...I want to apologize."

I took a gulp, before speaking. "For avoiding me? That's okay, I-"

"No, not that. This."

He pulled a small stoppered bottle from his labcoat pocket and looked ruefully at it. I realized it was the same bottle from before.

"What's that?"

"This, my dear Ashley..."

He turned the bottle to reveal three letters: KCN.

"...is potassium cyanide."

My blood turned ice cold.

Act 2-5 Re:FIN

12 Students Remaining

A/N:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BETCHA DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING

Still, '12 students remaining?' What could that ever possibly mean?

Find out on the true 2-6 chapter. Coming soon.

Unimportant Fan: This isn't a response to the content of the review so much. I just want to remind everyone that Sasha exclusively uses they/them pronouns. Thank you and have a good day.

ROTC: So, if you haven't visited the forum by now, here's the request. AFoFD-related Cards Against Humanity questions and answers. Thank you.