Tangled Youth

Chapter 26

Shannon was currently blasting Pink, and the catchy pop melodies wafted down the hall through her closed door. She was screaming along with Pink's strained vocals, something about, "You can run over me with your 18 wheeler but you can't keep me down!"

Minutes before, she had stormed through the house, thrown her Dolce and Gabbana purse on the couch haphazardly, ignoring Boone, who had been downstairs making iced tea to relieve himself from the abnormally hot May weather. "Fuck! I hate him!" Shannon had screamed, not even checking to see if Sabrina was home.

"Shan, what's – " he had started, but she had cut him off with another screechy "Fuck!" Not that he had expected an answer, because she still wasn't speaking to him.

Now, it could be inferred, what with the girl power music and occasional "screw him!" that she had just broken up with her boyfriend, Gabe. And Boone felt cruel when he noticed the corners of his lips turning up into a spiteful smile. Maybe if she didn't have a boyfriend, she would want to be with him. God, he was so full of contradictions! He wanted her to be happy, but at the same time, he was secretly thrilled at finding out she was single again.

Earlier that week, he had asked Erin to go the Prom with him, and she had willingly accepted. Ever since her newfound Catholicism, she had been noticeably less enthralled with Boone, replacing their afternoon trysts for long conversations about God. Boone had asked Kevin for advice about the situation, but they decided it was hopeless, because, in the eloquent words of Kevin, "You can't break up with her now, man, cuz then it'll seem like you were only with her so you guys could like, bang." So Boone was still with her, and they were going to prom together.

Shannon was going with Gabe, but now, Boone suspected, as Shannon sang, "I won't give a fuck…" that these plans were going to be rethought. Kevin and Anna, on the other hand, had decided to ditch Prom to go smoke pot, and do other things that Boone did not want to think about. Boone and Shannon, in the few words they had exchanged in the past few months, had intelligently neglected to inform Sabrina or Adam of their friend's alternate plans.

Now, from his place at his desk doing math homework, Boone was becoming entirely fed up with the new choice of music, Dashboard Confessional. "Your hair, is everywhere, screaming infidelities, taking its toll…" she sang, but with a wavering sensitivity she had lacked when singing along with Pink. She hit every note perfectly, drowning out Chris Carraba's overly eager voice. Boone closed his eyes, unable to concentrate on Calculus now, letting himself be caught up with his sister's smooth voice. But her voice became increasingly shaky as the song continued, and when the song was over, she turned off the music, and he could hear her collapse into silent sobs. Even though they were in a fight, Boone couldn't help but stand up, walk down the hall, and softly knock on the door.

"Go away," she blubbered.

He sighed. "Shan, what happened?"

"Like you care!" She sobbed. "If you cared about me at all, you wouldn't be moving across the country."

"Shan, I care. I wanna know what's wrong. I wanna help you," he tried not to sound too eager.

"I don't want your help," her voice cracked. "Would you just go away!"

"Fine," he said, "I'll leave."

But later that night, before he turned off his lights, Shannon's familiar silhouette appeared in his doorway. She wordlessly walked into the room, closing the door behind her, and motioned for Boone to scoot over. Boone bore his blue eyes into her soft brown ones, trying to read her expression for some signal of forgiveness. She blinked, looking away, climbing underneath his covers. That was how Shannon and Boone were, going by the "forgive and forget" method, though they both knew that one day there would be too many "forgets" to forgive. She lay on her back, barely inches from him, completely quiet. She flicked off the light switch, her face contorted into a stony expression. "Shan?" He said finally. But he wasn't able to finish his thought because before he knew it, he was catching Shannon's tears with his t-shirt, her face buried into the crook of his neck, their closest contact in weeks.

"Why can't I just be mad at you?" She cried. "I wanna be mad at you, but I just can't!"

Boone was unsure of what to say, but too afraid to try to touch her. "I'm sorry. I wanna stay here with you, but NYU isn't moving here anytime soon."

"He said the most awful things to me!" She changed the subject, snuggling closer to Boone, her soft breasts against his arm. "He's on… he's on a lot of drugs, did you know that? And he was high and he said the most terrible things about me, about our relationship, about… about us…"

"What did he say about us?" He tried not to overreact, imagining Gabe doing drugs in front of his innocent, angelic sister, and the possibility that he might know about their relationship…

"Oh, you know… stuff." She sniffled. "Do you remember last time we were like this, Boone? When I told you about my mom, remember?"

"How could I forget?" He answered wryly, knowing that he would probably remember that night for the remainder of his life.

She dug her nails into his arm, letting out another gasping sob. "I told him I was fed up with all his bullshit, but he was too high to care. And he was always kind of… teasing me with the needles and the powder and the joints… but at the same time, I kind of fell for him, you know?" She breathed, as Boone imagined himself beating that fucking bastard into oblivion, who he now despised with every bit of blood in his entire body. "Sometimes I'll just get these random flashes of finding her, finding her dead on the floor. And I got one of those a few nights ago when we were… when…" Boone still hadn't reciprocated any of her gentle touches. "Please hold me, Boone," she cried. Shivering, he wrapped his arms around her waist, gently rocking her back and forth in his arms, whispering to her that it would be okay, even though he wasn't sure it would be. After a few minutes of competing with her sobs with soft condolences in her ear, he heard the door slam downstairs.

"Oh no," he said. "She's home."

"Will she make me leave?" Shannon's voice was stable, but strained.

"If you're quiet, she won't notice," Boone tightened his grip around her waist.

"She doesn't like us being close, you know," Shannon said dully.

"I know, but she sets this double standard. She doesn't want us to be close, but she doesn't want us fighting either."

"Shhh," she whispered harshly. They were completely silent, holding onto each other as if they were going to be attacked. Boone heard the click-clack of his mother's heels on the wood hallway, praying that they wouldn't open his door. But when he heard the sound of the doorknob turning, there was nothing they could do.

"Boone?" Sabrina said, and Boone could detect traces of suspicion in her voice. But then she noticed Shannon's presence. "I've been telling you for years you're way too old for this!" She exclaimed, her voice rising. "Look, I can't deal with this right now!" She yelled, slamming the door. "I'm going to bed."

"Shan," Boone tried after a few moments, the sound of the door slamming resonating in his ears. She didn't respond. "Shannon?" She shook her head against his chest, not wanting to respond.

"I don't wanna leave," she finally whispered. "Please don't make me leave. I keep thinking about her, and I can't think about her alone. It's too much. Please, Boone."

"You can stay here as long as you want," he looked at her, the source of his greatest frustration, lovingly. He couldn't say no to her. He hadn't ever been able to, and he probably never would be. He kissed her on the forehead, I love you, he thought, and tried to settle himself into that comfortable escape called sleep.

The next morning, Saturday, Boone was awoken by his cell phone around nine in the morning. He rolled onto his side, pleased but slightly guilty to see Shannon's peaceful form sleeping, her body touching his. He carefully slid out of the bed, careful not to disturb her.

"Hello?" He said nervously, trying to silence the blaring ring. Shannon opened her eyes, rubbing sleep out of her eyes.

"Boone?" It was Erin. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah, but it's okay," he replied. Shannon stretched, the covers pulled right up against her chin.

"Boone," Shannon groaned. "Whose on the phone? What time is – " He shushed her, but it was too late.

"Who are you talking to?" Erin asked.

"Shannon," he said instinctively.

"But I thought I woke you up," he wished she would just drop it.

"Yeah, you did," he hoped he didn't sound annoyed, even though he was.

"So why was she in your room?"

"She just… came in," he tried to think of an appropriate reply.

"Boone, I've…" she sighed. "Boone, I've heard some things, well, I don't wanna do this over the phone, but, um," she started to get a little hysterical.

"I think we need to talk," the words came flooding from his mouth. He hadn't been meaning to utter those notorious words, especially the week before prom, but he somehow ended up blurting it out anyway.

"I was just going to say that."

"Boone, come back to bed, I'm cold," Shannon said innocently. Maybe she hadn't realized it was Erin on the phone, or maybe she did, but either way, she had said the wrong thing at the wrong time.

"That's not Shannon in there, is it?" Erin said flatly.

"Look, I don't know how to explain this, but – " he started. "Shannon had a nightmare last night and came into my room."

"Oh my," Erin sounded distressed. "Oh my god." It almost sounded as if she had wanted it to be another girl. Could she… know? "I mean, gosh. Oh my gosh." Boone breathed into the receiver, not sure what to say. "We definitely need to talk, Boone. Why don't I come over later?" She said sternly, like a mother to a child who had tracked muddy shoes into the house.

"Yeah. Um, bye." He hung up the phone, confused, and annoyed with both Erin and Shannon.

"I'm sorry," she pulled the covers even closer around her face. "I'm really sorry." Her eyes were stained with last night's tears, her hair framed her face in an unflattering circle of frizz, but her expression was so sincere and so endearing that he couldn't bear to be angry with her. He slid back under the covers, putting his worries about Erin aside, and she held onto him, giggling and closing her eyes again. He watched her for awhile, her perfect blonde eyelashes fluttering in her sleep, and he realized that his relationship with Erin had already been over for a long time.

When Erin came over that afternoon, she was all business. No greeting, no small talk, just right to the chase. "What do you want to talk about?" She asked, still standing on the doorstep, lips pursed, sunglasses still on her eyes, cross necklace perfectly in place.

"I think it's pretty clear that there's a space between us that… can't be filled." He beckoned for her to come in, but she ignored the gesture.

She took off her sunglasses. "Can't be filled, or you just don't want to fill it? You don't care enough to?"

Boone looked away. "Erin, look – "

"Boone, I know there's someone else, so could you please stop denying it?"

"I'm not cheating on you, Erin. I'm not," he tried to convince her, but his voice ended up adopting the tone of an overeager preschooler.

"Look," her face fell, and she put her sunglasses in her bag, metaphorically dropping the ice queen act. "I've been thinking about this a lot, and I…" she frowned, looking pained. "I really hope this isn't true, but like I said earlier, I've… I've heard some things…" Boone's eyes widened. He wanted to deny it, but his mouth had stopped working. So he just stood there, staring blankly at her.

"W-what kinds of things?" He was able to stutter, trying to sound blasé.

Erin looked disgusted. "About you and Shannon. And I've seen the way you look at her…" now she was fighting back tears. "I didn't want to believe it Boone, but," a sob escaped her lips, "I've been denying it for a while and it… seems pretty clear to me that you've been distracted through our," she wiped tears from her eyes, losing track of the speech she had obviously prepared beforehand. "Through our relationship," she continued, and Boone was still speechless. "I came here so you could tell me it's not true. But what I heard on the phone this morning hasn't exactly convinced me. So, it's up to you to tell me the truth." she finished. Boone didn't respond, just stared at the floor at her shoes, the ones that were so much like the one's Shannon wore. "It's…" she tried. "It's not true, right?"

"We're not really brother and sister," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "My mom married her Dad when we were eight and ten."

Erin closed her eyes in frustration, trying not to completely blow up. "Obviously, we're done."

"I guess so. I'm really sorry, Erin…" he said meekly.

"You know, it was incredibly low of you to pretend I was her. Is that why you asked me out the first day at summer school? Because I look like her?" She tucked her long blonde hair behind her ear. "Don't answer that." She said before he could open his mouth. "I should go. I guess this is goodbye."

"Erin, it's not like we've ever done anything together. I just, I have these feelings for her I can't seem to get rid of, and – " Erin shook her head slowly.

"I don't want to be a stand-in girl. I need to find someone who will appreciate me for me. I'm sure you could understand that."

"I'm really sorry," he said sincerely. "I wish it didn't have to… be this way. Especially the week before Prom." She shrugged.

"I can't make it to Prom anyway," she announced coolly, putting her sunglasses back on her eyes, readopting the ice queen act. "Bye, Boone."

"Bye?" he responded, and stood in the doorway long after she disappeared. When the sky began to morph to shades of aubergine, he felt two arms wrapping around his neck from behind him.

"So, are you going to miss your own Prom?" Shannon asked hesitantly.

"I dunno," he shrugged her off, not wanting to be influenced by her touch at the moment. "Hadn't really thought about it."

"Well, I'm obviously not going with Gabe, so… would it be weird if we went together?" Boone tried not to look too excited. "Christina Berens is going with her big brother." He loved the way Shannon said 'big brother', for some reason.

"If you're okay with that," he kept his voice level. "Then I'd love to go to Prom with you."

She smiled, a full, genuine smile – the kind of smile that gave Boone the will to live when he was feeling down. "I love you, Big Brother," she said deprecatingly, and gave him a kiss on the cheek, leaving the room. "Would you friggin' close the god damn door? You've been standing there for hours."Well, thought Boone, closing the door he hadn't expected the fairy-tale moment to last forever.

Thanks for reading! Please review, and say what you liked/didn't like! It's especially helpful if you tell me which lines you thought were funny or good, or awkward sounding and stupid. Any kind of feedback is good. Thanks!