Mika tells Gray about watching him figure out his identity, and Gray and Natsu her a very special bit of news. (Fic #5 for When We Take Different Paths sexuality week.)

A/N: Prompt = That's when I knew + trans and gay.

This is so. much. fluff.

I Always Knew

You are twenty-nine, Gray, walking in the door, home for the holidays. And I know. I already know.

I can't say I always knew—as if from infancy there were some sign as to your preferences and gender. But from a young age, before anyone else noticed anything, it was clear to me that you were not going to be what people expected.

That they should expect anything of a toddler is absurd anyway.

The point is, Gray, that my carrying you those nine months did not mean nothing. You are forever my baby, and I know you.

It started when we met the Dragneels.

You were three years old, and you and their son Natsu were instant best friends. You ran around waving sticks and fighting off invisible dragons and youkai. His father was a particular encourager of this play. 'Uncle Igneel' you learned to call him, and the pair of you would run around, him pretending to be a dragon and you two trying to slay him—stealing ice cubs and slipping them down his collar, or putting hot sauce in his hot cocoa.

You two egged each other on, and when you were together, there was always trouble.

"You have such adorable boys," people would tell me when we were out, the pair of you hanging off my grocery cart and trying to win your made-up competitions.

"Er, boy and girl," some people would say, looking again. You refused to let your hair grow out, and we let you dress how you wanted, so people frequently couldn't figure out which you were.

"Children," I would correct them.

You were five when you came into the kitchen one day and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you."

"What's up?" I asked, smiling at your serious little face.

"I'm a boy from now on."

Natsu wandered into the kitchen after you, peering between us through his blonde hair. He gazed at you with seriousness, but I'll never forget how he was neither surprised nor confused. He just nodded, took your hand, and looked at me.

"Okay?" he confirmed, since I still hadn't answered you.

"Okay," I said, smiling and looking back into your big dark eyes. "Thank you for letting me know."

And that was it. You smiled, Natsu pulled your hand, and the pair of you went running off to slay more monsters.

I've never told you this, but I had a chat with your fathers before you officially told them.

"Gray told me he feels like a boy," I said, drawing them into the other room. We could hear your two exuberant shouts in the backyard as you raced to see who could make their swing go higher.

"Oh," Gildarts said, looking mildly surprised in that way he has.

Silver said nothing.

"We're going to normalize this," I said. "I don't want her—him thinking he can't tell us anything. That includes," here I gave Gildarts the eye, "not making a big happy deal out of it, either. I want it to be totally fine and normal for Gray to decide and re-decide who…he wants to be."

It took a little effort, but I was starting to get the hang of 'he.'

"Okay," Gildarts said. "I suppose that makes sense."

"Of course, Mika." Silver's little frown now revealed itself to be one of confusion—confusion that I would think anything else. "It is normal. It should be normal. So…'he'?" he clarified.

"Yes."

We called you in for dinner and the pair of you huddled together on the bench like usual, sitting so close you were bumping elbows and happily bickering throughout the meal.

I think I had an inkling then about your sexuality, too.

I definitely wasn't surprised by the gender. As the months passed and you didn't make any other changes, I came to realize how absolutely normal this had always been. As if, ever since you were born, your behaviors and moods had been indicating to me that I had a son, not a daughter.

It ended up not being something you had to try on at all: you knew your gender with surety and it has never changed. I am so incredibly thankful for that, honestly. The world is hard on people who are still figuring themselves out.

But you knew, and you had Natsu with you to defend you, too.

When the kids at school found out about you, one of them mocked you, and you punched him in the face.

The principal was going to punish you. Not the other boy. Because while that language 'would not be tolerated' and 'we'll deal with it,' that actually meant giving a calm talking-to about bullying; nothing about respecting others, about the validity of identity, about any of it.

What you told the principal—and me—was that he swung first. Natsu staunchly defended you, and nobody else spoke up to say otherwise, so they took your word.

The other boy got punished instead of you. And nobody ever teased you to your face again.

I know all this because Natsu told me: he admitted to the lie pretty quickly. "It wasn't right," he told me, face so sincere. "They should've actually inspected all the facts. The other boy was the real culprit."

(You both were very into mysteries at that point, and it was apparent in your vocabulary.)

He's always been like that, hasn't he? Ready to take a hit for you, lie for you, get in trouble with you. You've both proven that plenty. I think your principal had us on speed-dial.

That so-called friendship of yours has not been a friendship for a long time now. It was clear to me early on that you two had the potential for something special. When you were eight, remember how I caught you kissing? 'On a dare,' supposedly. When you were nine, Natsu cried because you weren't on the same football team. He perked up when you told him you could both be center forwards this way, and see who scored more goals on each other's team.

When you were eleven, the pair of you were playing outside like you had a thousand times when I heard that shout no parent wants to hear:

"Mom!" screamed with so much fear.

Natsu had tripped and hit his head. We had to call an ambulance, and I was so scared, seeing all that blood. I was also scared for you, because you couldn't stop crying, stop screaming into my shirt. I was so afraid something terribly permanent had happened to Natsu, and what terribly permanent things that would do to you, too.

You didn't want to be separated from him, and we ended up practically following the ambulance to the hospital, where you jittered and waited and begged to see him.

Eventually you were allowed to see him through a window, glass between you while he slept in swaths of bandage and you pressed your face to the plex.

At that, you sobbed so hard it scared the nurses.

When he was finally allowed to go home, they'd said he shouldn't get too much stimulation—his brain was still hurt—and I passed the news onto you gently. It was just for a week.

I was not surprised when I found your bedroom window open.

I called Igneel to apologize but there was a whimsical smile in his voice. He told me he'd found the pair of you curled up napping in Natsu's bed.

"Natsu was scared of falling asleep," he told me. "He heard someone say people with brain injuries die in their sleep, and even though I told him he was okay, he's been trying to keep himself awake ever since we got home. So if it's okay with you, we'll keep Gray for now. He can sleep over—I'll make sure he gets to school tomorrow."

The pair of you were inseparable.

At thirteen, you and Natsu were in your final year of middle school, and I was desperately trying not to think about how my baby would be in high school next year. You'd started asking about going on testosterone, and we'd found a good doctor and were researching puberty blockers and what would be healthy.

Your fathers and I realized we needed to have a talk with you about how your body would react to others.

We'd been giving you sex talks every few years as you became mature enough for new information (I say 'we' but it was mostly Silver and me; Gildarts has always been squeamish, despite being in an unconventional relationship himself). But this time was different.

You'd started getting embarrassed sometimes about talking to us, reaching that stage where you strained for independence, so we agreed it should be me taking the first run, as the one who knew the most about our type of anatomy.

I sat you down and we talked about it: how pleasure works, the clitoris, what it feels like to like someone and get turned on, touching oneself, all of it.

And then I looked at you, and I said, "Gray."

You met my gaze, hearing my seriousness. In that moment, I saw a scared but self-determined young adult who I could no longer protect.

"I know there are things I won't understand," I said. "There are probably parts of our anatomy that make you uncomfortable, and I've never felt dysphoria, and so I know that the advice I can give you is only second-hand.

"But," I said, feeling your gaze glued on my face, "it seems to me that you might have a…preference for boys, and if that's the case, there's something specific I want to talk to you about."

I could feel your blush now.

"It is okay if as you become sexually active you decide penetrative sex is not for you. That is totally okay, and as with anything else, if anyone tries to pressure you, run the other way. But if you decide there are only some kinds of penetration you're okay with," I stuttered—but no, I needed to get this out, "like if you decide you're okay with anal but not vaginal intercourse, or vice versa, that is also an acceptable choice.

"I know we've never talked directly about toys, but if one day you and your partner decide you want you to…be the one penetrating your partner, there are ways to do that and objects that make that possible. I have," I coughed, "done this sort of thing before, so if you have questions about what or how or which or where, feel free to ask. I'll just give you this tip: start with something smaller. And remember to wash between uses and when switching between the two of you. I think we've covered all of the safety stuff before."

You nodded.

Blowing out a breath, I put my hands on my knees.

"That was kind of intense." I waited until you met my eyes through your hair, longer and unruly now, and gave you a smile. "Want some ice cream?"

You nodded, finally getting your voice to work. "Sure."

"And we will absolutely not use this as an opportunity to talk about blowjobs," I teased.

"Mom!"

A few weeks later, Silver took you aside and gave his side of things, talking about the anatomy you were less familiar with and ways of taking care of partners.

And maybe it was because of those conversations that you didn't feel the need to tell us right away when you knew you were gay.

When you did, we treated it the same way we had your gender: normally.

Since you made the effort to tell us, we made the effort back, asking how you felt, if you felt safe, if it was hard to figure out. You told us, blushing but also confident in yourself, that you simply realized you'd never found a girl attractive.

"Maybe I will one day," you said. "But…that's still kinda gay, isn't it?"

From your smile, we knew this was a joke, and we all laughed, Gildarts hardest.

"This is the gayest family ever," he grinned.

How true.

Like most teenagers, you didn't tell us about your first crush until after the fact. You did not tell us when you first started dating. You waited until a few months had gone by, on your first football match of junior year.

Natsu arrived in his beat-up pickup to take you both to the game, cleats slung over his shoulder when he appeared at the door.

"Hey, Mrs. Fullbuster," he said, cheerful as always.

I gave him a look. "Natsu, we've known each other long enough you can call me Mika."

I remember that that conversation happened then, because he blushed, knowing what I did not about his relationship with you. Neither of us knew yet what he would come to mean to me—that he would come to mean even more to our family than he already did.

You ran up still pulling your jersey over your head. The part of me that freaked out at you being shirtless had disappeared long ago.

Natsu wrapped an arm around your waist. It wasn't that that was odd, because you'd always been physical with each other. But perhaps it was the odd timing; something made me notice it this time. The way he held you. The way you leaned into him.

"Later, Mom," you said, kissing my cheek. "Bye, Dad! Bye, Pap!"

"Kick their asses!" Silver called.

And you disappeared out the door.

An hour later, we followed, reaching the field in time to catch good seats right up close.

It was a good match, against the school who'd beaten you every year before. We watched every pass, cheered and booed, Silver the loudest. Gildarts and I had always loved the sport, and we'd gotten Silver into it begrudgingly, but now he was the most avid of the three of us.

It was more intense this year—you were varsity now, and we could feel it thrumming through the air.

It came to the end, both teams tied, and that already felt wonderful. We watched, the clock almost run out, as Natsu took the ball up the field, passed to you, you dodged their defense—and kicked it right past their keeper.

We lost our heads, and so did everyone around us, our cheers drowned out by the shouts from your teammates. Victory ran thick and sweet through the air, and I felt one of those wonderful moments where I think, This is my boy. Look at what he can do, world. Just watch.

One of your teammates lifted you up and we caught a glimpse of you across the field, beaming that wide, toothy smile that's rare on your serious face. He put you down, all of you jumping and thumping each other's shoulders and exclaiming, and in the midst of that, you grabbed Natsu and the pair of you hugged so tight you looked glued together.

You made your way back to the edge of the field as people filed out of the stands. We fought against the crowd and made our way down. You hadn't seen us yet. Your eyes were on Natsu, the pair of you panting and grinning.

You pulled him in and kissed him on the lips.

Silver was surprised. He's a bit of a dunce about these things. Me, I felt that warm knowing feeling a mother gets.

Gildarts, of course, wolf-whistled.

You two broke apart going redder than the opposing team's shirts.

"Some kiss!" he exclaimed. "Man, have you been practicing?"

At which point you punched him in the arm.

"Shut up, Pap!"

Natsu was laughing his head off.

"I was gonna tell you, Mom," you mumbled to me, smiling when I gave you a one-armed hug.

There was some fear in me, I admit—I can't help it, Gray: I'm your mom. I was worried what others would think, with such a blatant show of affection right there, in a place that can be steeped in toxic masculinity. But your teammates totally accepted you; apparently someone had come out a few years before and there had been a talk, and football was now the proud gay sport. (Something about 'dribbling balls.' Silver choked on his drink when he heard that one.)

You and Natsu were happy and cuddly and adorably sweet to each other. You went on your first real date, now with parental backing (and financing), and came back looking like the sun had burst across your entire world.

It was a fun two years, as the pair of you took advanced classes and played a stellar season and applied to colleges and entered your final semester in a flurry of games and homework and making out in your bedroom when you thought we didn't know.

We didn't mind. We trusted you to make safe choices.

What we did worry about was how you'd handle university with him. It was unlikely you'd get in at the same schools, and inadvisable to choose a school based on a high school sweetheart, no matter how close. No matter how much we loved Natsu, we wanted you to make the best decision for you.

But we needn't have worried.

"I got in!"

You burst into my room on a Friday morning. I tried not to groan as some figment of dream slid out of my head.

"What's up, honey?"

"I checked the mail, and look, Mom! I got in!"

You waved the paper in front of my nose like that would make me take it in faster, and I caught the words of the header.

"MIT?" Suddenly I was a lot more awake. "You're going to MIT?"

"You bet your fucking ass—oops, sorry. You bet! This was my first choice. I'm gonna go tell them!"

And you exploded out of my room, whereupon I heard you pounding on Gildarts and Silver's door.

In that quiet moment, I thought: I wonder if Natsu got the same letter.

I'll admit, a tiny bit of me wanted that to happen. But no, he hadn't even applied there. He was going to the state university.

"It has the program I want," he told me very seriously at the kitchen table, eating cereal by the bowlful after school. "And Dad can afford it."

"What program?" I asked.

So he told me all about his plans for the future. I watched him swiping blonde hair from his eyes, laughing at his own words, being so cheerful about everything, and I thought: gods, I love this boy.

This man. You were men now. Going off on your own.

That night, I approached you about your own dreams. You were all too happy to talk about it. The future you wanted, your plans for study.

"So what are you and Natsu going to do?" I asked at an appropriate pause.

"We'll do long-distance," you said, and shrugged, as if it were that easy. "We won't be that far. Maybe we can take the train to see each other, if we have time during the semester."

You were so confident. I decided to trust you, and walk you through heartbreak if it came to that.

All too soon it was summer, and you were packing.

"Do you have enough food?" I asked from the doorway to your room, watching you and Natsu sort camp gear.

"Mom, we'll be fine," you sighed. This is what we'd come to: you reassuring me. We're a long way from the days where you'd have a nightmare and I'd cradle you to my chest.

We watched the pair of you drive off to the mountains for a final hurrah of the summer. A final hurrah before the rest of your lives.

As I walked back into the house, I caught sight of a double frame on the mantle: one photo of you two as toddlers, grinning toothily up, and another from early senior year, the pair of you cuddled close and grinning privately at the camera. I had to bribe you to let me put that one up, do you remember? It's still one of my favorites.

The years have slipped past: you got your degree, Natsu moved abroad for a year, he moved back and the pair of you moved in together…

And now you're here in the front doorway taking my hand, that classic serious look on your face. It can't hide the smile, the happiness that beats across your flushed cheeks. The winter cold is in your fingers as you grip my hand tightly.

"Mom," you say, your first words as you come in. "We have something to tell you all."

You glance at Natsu, whose arm is around your waist, and the look you exchange is so full of love that I just about melt for joy. This is what I've always wanted for you. To see you so loved, so in love, so happy, so sure.

"Where's Dad and Pap?" you ask.

I nod my head at the kitchen, where we can hear Igneel laughing loud and deep.

"Good," Natsu says. "The whole family."

You take off your coats and we walk into the warm room full with the scents of Christmas.

"Guys," you say, "we have something we'd like to tell you."

"Hello to you, too," Igneel chuckles.

It's like you don't even hear. You look at each other and smile.

I know. I already know.

"We're getting married," Natsu says, still staring into your eyes like you're the most beautiful thing in the world.

You grin around at us and our varying levels of shock. I'm smiling, Silver is nodding, Gildarts gapes, and Igneel blinks before laughing.

"That's fantastic," he says. "Holy shit! That's totally fantastic."

"Congratulations," I whisper, taking your hand. My baby is getting married. "I love you."

Your eyes are warm and bright. "I love you too, Mom."

"When did you decide?" Gildarts asks.

"Last summer," Natsu says, flush with merriment. "That's when we started talking about it."

"There was…my job," you break in, pinching your brow. "We weren't sure where I'd end up…"

"You can work around that," Igneel says with certainty.

"We don't have to." You look around. "That's our other bit of news: I got a job here in town. Natsu already put in for a transfer. We'll be returning local."

Our exclamations are, if possible, just as excited at this. I am thinking about the possibility of grandchildren and trying desperately to keep from saying anything. I see Igneel doing the same.

Our talk carries us into hypotheticals and jubilance and eagerness of all kinds, until Silver finally says, "Let's get this dinner going."

We all chip in to carry dishes out to the table, and we all sit at our usual spots. You and Natsu are smashed together on the little bench, and it's a good thing you like each other so much, because it is definitely not big enough for you two anymore. Luckily you're grown-ups now, and navigate such that Natsu, who is left-handed, sits on the left and you on the right. You both eat with one hand, other arms bumping in constant affection.

Gildarts starts to dig in, but Silver stops him with a kiss on the cheek.

"It's Christmas," he reminds us. "Blessing first."

It's an old family tradition that survived our rejection of the religion we were raised with.

"I think the woman of the house should do it," Gildarts says, looking to me.

We bow our heads, and I beam thinking of the pair of you next to me.

"We call a blessing on this meal," I begin, "on this night, and on this company. We call a blessing on the new family soon to be created. We call a blessing on our children, and pray they forever have as much love to give each other as we have for them."