*Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel or any of the original characters depicted in the movies/comics.*

Chapter 26: Burn

After her talk with the queen, Estiel departed from the palace to reflect on her thoughts in the garden. She had not agreed, nor disagreed for that matter, to Frigga's generous offer. In the most tactful manner possible, Estiel explained that she would have to think it over before she could grant an answer.

As her muted footfalls brought her closer to the edge of the royal garden, she casually sat herself on a bronze bench. Her surroundings were picturesque, for the garden was sprouting infant blossoms. Vibrant hues of red, gold, white, and blue were blooming all around her from the warmer season approaching. She sighed and began to fiddle with the ring on her finger.

"One…" she whispered, trying to conjure a mental list of issues to work out. Images of an injured Gynve, lies, and her parents caused a frown to form on her face. The task seemed overwhelming as she focused on Loki's recent actions. Estiel attempted to arrange the topics in order of importance, though she eventually reasoned it to be pointless. All of the thoughts troubled her, and all of them were equally important in their own right.

She could not feign ignorance, and her only defense was that she loved him; that the good in Loki existed. However, her philosophy on individuals and the universe was similar to the black-and-white notion of good versus evil. Every action fans out into the great beyond and alters reality in some way, no matter how small the action might be. Therefore, Loki's horrendous deeds would face consequences—regardless of his intentions or her forgiveness. She had been blurring the lines of her philosophy due to her emotional investment in him.

Sighing to herself, Estiel began to sink into a state of misery at the relentless assault by her conscience. Logic dictated that she abandon her feelings to accept the truth: Loki was a liar, that he was capable of unspeakable cruelty, and that he would always perceive reality from an egocentric perspective. How could someone like that be a good match for her, or moreover, anyone else? If not for her own biased judgment, Estiel knew that she would have advised a stranger to run in the opposite direction.

As she gripped the skirts of her dress and balled the fabric in her fists, she felt the first wave of prickly anger course through her. Immediately sensing the shift in her mood, she closed her eyes and tried to stifle the feelings. If she was going to work through this session of contemplation, there could be no loss of control. As sensibility returned, the rise in her temper melted into melancholy. With a quick glance to the ring she wore, she scoffed.

How could she balance logic with emotion when she was so devoted to him? Then, the thought she had avoided for so long loomed in the depths of her mind: perhaps he was not as devoted to her. After all, Estiel was a firm believer in the power of love—especially since she now found herself in such a moral battle.

"It is far too lovely a day to look so depressed." Loki's voice reached her ears before her eyes could spot him. After turning her head to look from side to side, Loki appeared from behind her. Estiel sat up straight and watched him move around the bench and sit next to her.

"Perhaps. I thought you would be busy tending to problems spawned from your absence?" She asked just to spark conversation. Loki smirked at her slyly.

"Yes, and I was. I also said I would find you later today—is it not later?" He remarked playfully and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. She looked down and nodded. Loki dropped his hand and narrowed his eyes.

"What troubles you?" He tilted his head at her, appearing concerned.

"Many things trouble me at the moment." Estiel retorted with a short tone.

"Well, that certainly will not do. Please, elaborate?" Loki probed further. She stiffened and shook her head.

"The nature of the matter does not permit me to discuss it with you." Her voice was tense and he could sense her discomfort.

"Why are you being so cryptic? If not me, with whom would you discuss it then?" He flashed impatience in his words and Estiel gripped her skirts tighter.

"No one, Loki. This is something I must work out for myself." She replied softly, trying to maintain her composure.

"I see. Look at me, would you?" He requested in a polite manner, so she complied without thinking. His emerald eyes held her gaze for a moment as he leaned in. However, when it dawned on Estiel that he was not merely attempting to have an intimate moment with her, she flinched and stood up abruptly.

"You are horrid! I do have a right to privacy, Loki!" She shouted at him and watched his expression darken.

"What would you have me do? I had to know and you would not tell me." Loki said sharply. He had read her thoughts, though it was brief. The glimpses of her inner turmoil angered him. Estiel quickly decided that she would use the moment to her advantage.

"Loki, those exact actions are the source of my doubt in all of this. I blindly trusted you for so many years because you never gave me a true reason to regret it. However, every passing day lately, it seems I was wrong to do so." Estiel suppressed her offensive tone and sat back down. Loki observed her with a scowl.

"So, are you saying that you are no longer interested in a future together due to me being a pathological liar?" He spoke in a hushed growl. Estiel's mouth fell open as she took in his question.

"You must truly enjoy trying my patience. Do you choose to acknowledge only part of my thoughts or is that your honest interpretation?" Estiel spat with furrowed brow and gritted teeth.

"Is that not what you think I am? Go on, humor me." Loki provoked and crossed one leg over the other. Estiel huffed and rubbed her temples with her fingers.

"Yes, yes I do. You have not only lied to me, but continue to discount the pain it causes me. The fact that you do not see the error in any of your actions, and that your claim they were created from good intentions, does not excuse you, Loki. There is a universal system of balance that you disrupt with every choice you make." Her voice was strained as her stress level grew. Looking back to him, she could not determine if his face portrayed surprise or understanding, with his eyebrows raised and mouth slightly agape.

"Interesting… you lecture me on universal justice? What do you know of justice when you clearly have never done anything wrong?" Loki said dejectedly.

"What are you alluding to?" Estiel felt the tension between them suddenly become suffocating. This was not going to end well, she thought.

"I am simply pointing out that, you, my darling, have never been found guilty of a lie, correct? That you, and everyone else around you, have never committed a sinful deed?" Loki leaned in close to her and stared into her worried eyes. Estiel held her breath as she tried to understand what he was doing.

"Ah, what do we have here? Silence." He teased and traced a cool finger along her jawline.

"Are you suggesting that I am a hypocrite?" She blurted out uneasily. A smile stretched over Loki's face, exposing his perfect, white teeth.

"Precisely, my clever love. So, before you condemn me, you ought to account for how alike we really are." He mused tauntingly and withdrew his hand.

"You cannot possibly believe that all bad deeds are equal… I have never lied to hurt anyone!" With a raised voice, she sounded puzzled.

"Neither have I. My lies have always served one purpose—to protect you." Loki spoke confidently, clearly satisfied with himself.

"And what of the pain they caused instead? What of Gynve's wellbeing, or the trust you have broken? Surely, you are not so delusional to think that they are of no consequence." Estiel realized that she probably would not win this argument, no matter how much she tried to reason with him. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"Consequence implies a reaction to an action. If one perceives an action to be negative, then so will the reaction be, too. Furthermore, the opposite stands true. I do not delude myself, Estiel, for I know my actions to stem from an honest desire to be with you. How can that be a bad thing?" Loki smiled slightly at her, though she could not discern its sincerity.

"Honest desire and bringing them to life at all costs are not interchangeable. As I stated before, regardless of intent, that alone does not excuse you." Estiel reaffirmed her stance in the argument. Loki's smile faded and his jaw visibly tightened.

"Well, it seems that we can only agree to disagree. It displeases me that you are so unwilling to understand my point of view." His words were laced with bitterness.

"I feel the same—I wish that we could just have a normal relationship." She murmured and hung her head low.

"Well, in an unrelated matter, I heard that you spoke with my mother. She was disappointed that you did not immediately accept her request." Loki said suspiciously. Without looking his way, Estiel shook her head.

"I did not deny it, either. I asked for time to consider it." She spoke carefully before glancing up at him. Loki raised his head back and narrowed his stare at her.

"If it is not a yes, it is a no. What could you possibly need to consider? It is an opportunity that any Asgardian would be honored to seize." His tone was a bit condescending.

"Truly, it is. However, I did not want to commit to an agreement that would not serve me well in the event of—" Estiel stopped herself from finishing the sentence.

"In the event of what exactly?" He hissed through gritted teeth and rose to his feet.

"There are just too many variables involved." She said with a sigh, realizing her error. Loki scoffed and held his hands behind his back.

"Your uncertainty in our courtship is disturbing. Perhaps I could make the decision for you, would you prefer that?" He snapped venomously and looked at her with a glare. She felt her face become uncomfortably warm as he pushed her to resentment.

"Loki, you cannot force me to reside with you. It needs to be of my own freewill, unless you desire a slave instead of a partner." She remarked harshly. To her surprise, he chuckled.

"You assume I am referring to the queen's offer." His expression became mischievous, which was unsettling her.

"Oh, so you mean to decide, for me, the fate of our relationship?" Estiel asked in astonishment.

"Is that not what you are experiencing difficulty in choosing? To love me or leave me?" Loki shot her a cruel grin. She crossed her arms and watched him become elated with his strongly-worded question. He was spinning a web of entrapment, and she was playing into his scheme.

"I had not arrived at such a conclusion yet. In fact, I had hoped that more diplomatic options would present themselves in my ruminating." Estiel bit her lip as concern swelled in her mind.

"My darling, we both know that you have only two choices. That notion alone is what really leaves you sore." His callused tone caused her breath to hitch in her throat.

"I have not made a decision yet, nor am I ready to make one at this moment." She stated firmly.

"If you think that I will idly wait for you to inevitably turn on me, you are mistaken. So, make your choice now." He said severely as Estiel went to her feet.

"No, I shall not produce an answer out of an ultimatum—that is not how this works." She sounded upset as Loki leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Then there you have it, your great truth." He spoke quietly before placing a chilled kiss on her cheek. Estiel appeared perplexed as she stepped back.

"Loki… what are you saying?" She asked with a distressed voice. His emerald eyes burned into her with a sinister glimmer.

"I am done with you, Estiel. Consider the kiss a form of closure."

*Bahhh... T_T

I know, this is painful to read. It is not over yet, but I am finding it very difficult to write him without his barriers. Writing next chapter now-might get it done by tonight. Hope you enjoyed this~