Jeremy doesn't scream or anything as they remove Kayla's body from the river and that has me worried. I wouldn't feel this way if he were showing some emotion, but right now he seems…deadened. As if Kayla had jumped, but he was the one who passed. He didn't even react when I passed along Kayla's last words. Coraline and I look at each other and I know we agree that he can't be left alone.
"Thanks…for trying." I didn't even notice Ashley walk up to us.
"I'm sorry." I know my words are worthless, but it's the only thing I can say to her. I'd tried and failed. She simply nods.
"I'm going to Jeremy." She knows that he can't be left alone, too. Sam is already with him, one arm slung along Jeremy's shoulder. Sam's shed a few silent tears so far, but he seems to know that he has to be Jeremy's support. Come to think of it, he was Ashley's main support for Darren; that's how they got together. First Darren and now Kayla; their group just keeps getting smaller and smaller…
"Let's get out." Coraline starts to tug on my hand and I follow her. As we're walking, we run into Six.
"I heard about what happened. You two okay?" Her eyes have that shadow they had the first time she described the Chasm to us. I guess she's reliving an old memory with this.
"Been better," Coraline says. I can't say anything at all. I don't want to feel what's happened.
"Why don't you two come with me," Six says with a small smile. She turns around and Coraline and I follow her to the tattoo parlor. Six leads us to the back and through the door and we're standing in a kitchen. Tori comes through another door.
"I have guests," she says with some surprise. I guess she lives at the shop.
"Tori, do you think you can make some peppermint tea?"
"Sure." Tori starts to move around the kitchen. She didn't ask questions, so I assume word has been spreading as to what happened.
"You two should know, the Dauntless are going to hold the funeral as soon as possible," Six says. I guess she wants us to be prepared. A funeral just makes Kayla's death all the more real.
"What's a Dauntless funeral like?" Coraline asks; I'm rather curious, too. Erudites typically highlight the deceased's accomplishments via slideshow. We haven't had any recent suicides I know of, though, discounting among the elderly. But we don't really consider that suicide, because most have been given some death sentence by that point, anyway; we just try to usher them off with less pain.
"Everyone drinks and we glorify the deceased's bravery. In this case, Kayla's bravery to choose to explore the unknown."
"But that wasn't it. She was terrified and alone…" Why didn't I do a better job of convincing her? Why couldn't I reach her damn hand?
"But that's the way Dauntless is. Every death is an act of courage here…" I can see the apology in Six's eyes. I guess she feels the same way.
"I don't think I'll go," Coraline says, "I don't want to see her death into a party."
"Same. I don't think I can stomach that." I can't go where people will be drinking and laughing and celebrating the fact that Kayla chose to die. Six just nods and Tori passes us our tea. It smells wonderful and is nice and warm. I take a sip and find that the taste is soothing; like as I drink, it's slowly washing away the pain.
"You two can stay here if you want," Tori says. She's such a nice person to let, for the most part, random strangers stay in her home.
"No, thank you, though." I don't want to intrude and I would rather be somewhere more familiar.
"I'll go with Audrey," Coraline says and we both get up.
"Be strong you two," Six says with a sad smile. Tori smiles at us, too, and we leave the way we came.
"Where to now?" Coraline looks at me. I didn't really think about it.
"The dorms? The Dining Hall? Anywhere but the Pit."
"The dorms, then."
Once we get there, we find Alex waiting for us.
"I've been looking everywhere for you guys. I figured you'd come here eventually." He hugs us both and takes Coraline's hand. That's when I realize where I really want to go.
"Coraline, can I leave you with Alex?" I need Eric right now.
"We'll come with you." Coraline looks concerned. She must think I'm not doing well. But their company would actually be welcome. I hope Eric doesn't mind guests.
"Alright. Let's go." I head over to the apartment just to find Eric on his way out.
"Where are you going?"
"The funeral. A leader gives the eulogy and I was overseeing training of you all, anyway." So he's the one who has to sing the praises of her death to the crowd.
"We're going to stay here for a while." I don't want to hear the eulogy. I don't want to see the drunk faces of the crowd who didn't even know her.
"Alright, wait for me." He kisses me and heads over to the Pit as we go into the apartment.
"Nice love nest," Coraline says. She's trying and I appreciate it. General conversation seems like a nice change from what is outside.
"Should I put on a movie?" I don't even know if Eric has movies, but I want some distraction. And even better, it can block out any noise that wells up from the Pit. I want to hear what's going on down there about as much as I want to see it.
"Sure." I turn on the TV and find that in the main menu there's a movie collection. I throw on the one that was watched the most recently, Fight Club, and sit down on the couch along with Alex and Coraline. We comment on the whole thing; what looks awesome, what could never happen, and I try not to think of the Pit. The movie seems like it's going to end soon when Eric walks in. He doesn't say anything; he just sits down beside me and puts his arm around me.
"My favorite movie," he says, giving me a kiss. I'm glad he doesn't mention where he's been.
"You know, I think this constitutes as a double date," says Coraline with a smile.
"Why are you here?" They seem to be getting along well; better than I expected. Coraline laughs and we watch the last moments of the film.
"We're going to leave so you two can be alone," Coraline says with a smirk, "Don't forget to wrap any presents." She laughs and practically runs out the door with Alex.
"Is she always like that?" Eric asks as he watches her leave like he just saw some bizarre, new creature.
"She's usually worse," I say with a smile.
"Interesting friends," he says, turning away from the door.
"Glad you like them." I give him a kiss.
"Never said that," he says, pulling me onto his lap.
"But that's what you're thinking." I kiss along his jawline to his neck and nip it. I want to ask myself why I'm doing this when none of it will matter soon, but I don't. If I'm going to run out of time, I'll live like there's no tomorrow.
"Just be quiet." He pulls my mouth up to his and I'm completely entranced by him. I move so I'm straddling him like I love to do and he's moving his hands down to my waist, pulling me in more. I don't know how he can, but he stands up while grabbing my ass to hold me up. I wrap my legs around his waist and he carries me over to the room. He lays me down and my hands are completely entangled in his hair. He slides his hands over to my shirt and before I know it, it's off and so is his. He's moved hands to my jeans when my breath catches and I pause.
"Eric…" He immediately removes his hand and stops moving.
"What's wrong?" He looks worried, but my hesitation isn't from anything he's done. I just can't bring myself to do this today; not after what I've seen. So much for living with no tomorrow.
"I just can't today…" Damn my stupid apprehension. He nods and just moves from on top of me to by my side and pulls me into an embrace. I finally let the tears that I've repressed all day fall.
"It's fine. Let it out. God, I pamper you too much." I laugh at that last sentence; I guess he does let me get away with a lot by his standards. I just stay there and let the rhythm of his breathing lull me to sleep.
A/N: Finally going to sleep, beautiful people. Thursday may be difficult, because I work a double shift and won't have much time for writing. But I will fight! Also, Friday will be a late update, because I have a 6 hour train ride with no wifi :( But there should be an update that night or Saturday morning, depending on how badly the train is delayed. Good night ^_^