Hey, hey...I know, I know I'm a big slacker, I admit that and I can only say that I'm sorry. Well for my defence I'd say that Sara and Nancy's break up was hard on me...(yes I say it out loud I didn't want to do it...) Then - and I think that's the real reason - I'm just not satisfied with anything I write lately. I decided to send this chap before deleting it for at least the 50th time -I'm an hair breath away from going insane with it... Anyway I wrote a long chapter to compensate the delay... One last thing, thank you so much for your reviews you guys are fantastic!

Okay here's another version with a slight modification at the end... Anyway...

Enjoy,

So ;)

Chapter 26: Catherine

I'm sitting on the bench of the locker room, elbows on my knees and hands over my head. In this position I can make the world disappear and it's just what I need right now. Gee it's been such a tough shift. Everything went wrong from the beginning to the very end. The labs were loaded, some lab techs were absent, the power went off, one suspect tried to escape and another bounced at me – now he's talking like a soprano though, and so on; and that was just during the first half of the shift. I won't go through the whole shift, it's just a list of bad or really bothering event. And to top it off I haven't seen Sara at all.

I know I've been putting distance between us those last months, but it's only because I don't trust myself. Ever since the 'almost kiss' in my office I know that it wouldn't take much for me to give in. Gee just thinking about this moment in my office makes my heart race and gives me goosebump. I can feel her lips on my skin, her hand burning at the touch, my knees weakening as I feel her hot breath on my lips, her lips so close that… so close yet so far. It was intense, so intense that I think the actual kiss would have probably killed me.

I sigh. I shouldn't think about this, but I can't help it. It's the closest memory from happiness I have, the only one I've had for a long time. After all I was close from Heaven, closer than anyone could be.

I sigh heavily. Enough fantasying, this is not going to happen, not now, not ever. Sara is with Nancy and she's happy, I'll die alone period. Yeah I know I'm optimistic. Well dying of love for someone for months, having to be with this person on daily bases, and see her at least 20 hours a day will do that to you.

I stand up and open my locker and I smile at the picture of Lindsey and I, lucky me I've got my daughter. We have decided to have a fresh start, and slowly but surely we're building a good and strong mother/daughter relationship. I think that she came to term with the fact that my job can really a be pain in the ass, and I'm making effort so we're having at least 4 hours together. She, for her part, has decided to enjoy what I was able to give, knowing that I always do the best I can. In short we found a compromise.

I grab a fresh shirt and leave it open on my tank top. I should have mentioned that I just took a shower, not that it matters that much but…

Anyway, I fetch for the most precious possession I have. My necklace, the one Sara gave me, the one that reminds me that my memory is real. I put it on and reach for clean socks. I sit down on the bench again and start to put my socks and shoes on. Someone comes in but I keep my focus on my task at hand.

"Hey Cath," Greg's voice says tiredly yet cheerfully. A good thing this kid never loses his spirit because then things would be really gloomy around here. I feel his gaze on me, and though I can't see him, I feel one of his bad jokes coming. I just realize then that he has a good view on my cleavage, other days I'd find it flattering for him to watch me, but right now I'm so not in the mood.

"Greg if you don't stop checking me out in the second you'll be eating your eyes among other things for breakfast," I warn him.

"Relax Cath, I wasn't checking you out," he says. I lift my head and looks at him "This once, I wasn't checking you out this once," he mutters. He puts his hands in surrender. "I was just looking at your necklace, I swear." I narrow my eyes.

"Elaborate," I ask him.

"It's rose quartz, right?"

"Yeah. A friend gave it to me a while ago," I say evasively, touching the necklace.

"A friend, uh? Come on," he chuckles "So…who's the lucky one?" he asks me with a smile.

I frown "What do you mean?"

"Well…you know?" he chuckles nervously and looks at me in a way that says I should know this.

"No I don't."

"Seriously?"

"If I say so," I chuckle.

"You really don't know? Cath, Cath, Cath…."

"What? Tell me," I ask.

"Well, just like flowers, rocks have a meaning," he says

"And what does rose quartz means?"

He scrutinizes me for a long minute and then smiles "You know, I could tell you what it means, but I think it'd better if you figure it out by yourself."

"Oh Greg come on!"

"No seriously, I really think you should figure it out by yourself. I mean the friend who gave it to you had surely no intention to share it with me," Greg says seriously. "Don't worry it's not that hard," he smiles at me then turns around and starts to leave.

"Greg?"

"Yeah?" He turns around.

"Thanks," I say kissing him on the cheek.

"What for?" he frowns.

"For teaching me something new...for lightening my mood."

"You're welcome, see you tonight," he winks back and mimic shooting a gun with his hand.

I'm more curious than ever now. What dose my necklace mean?

xxxxx

I'm pacing like a lion in cage in my desk room. I came back home forty minutes ago. Ever since my conversation with Greg, I haven't stop thinking about my necklace. What did Sara want to tell me with it? I'm split a part of me is eager to know and the other is a bit apprehensive.

I stop pacing and take a big breath. I sit in front of my computer and turn it on. I open a search page and type key words. I find several page and click on the first one, I close my eyes tightly and count to ten before opening them again.

My breath gets caught in my throat as I read the words on the screen. I shake my head a bit making sure that I'm not dreaming, or imagining things. Holy…

Love stone.

The rose quartz is the love stone. Is this possible? My heart is currently trying to escape from my ribcage. Sara offered me a stone meaning love. That could explain the moment in my office. Does this mean that she feels the same than I do? Wait, it doesn't mean anything unless I can prove that she bought this stone and not another one on purpose and that she knew the meaning behind it. I can picture this. Hey Sara, did you give me this stone as a silent confession of your love for me? Sure…

I'm having a hard time to breathe, and a million questions swirling in m head. Oh god, oh god, oh god. I get up and pace again. It can't be…right? I feel a smile tugging at my lips. I reach for the necklace and play with it.

Wait, no way. Let's see what else they day about this stone. I sit down again and start to read the whole page, making it roll down slowly. I get a lot of information on its metaphysical supposed properties and more details.

Oh.

And here it is, my hope being shot down in flames. There was a trick...of course. Love stone, yes, but love in all its shapes. Self love, maternal love, platonic love, kindness, caring and romantic love.

I should have known better before rejoicing myself. Gee I feel like a schoolgirl, jumping at every tiny hint of hope. My heart is still racing only this time it's not from giddiness or happiness. Tears are burning my eyes. What did I expect? You're ridiculous Cath, ridiculous and a fool on top of that. You're a fool to believe that Sara would love you back.

Besides, there's no evidence that she knows the meaning of the stone. I mean, even I didn't know that stone had meaning, so Sara probably doesn't either. Or does she? And if she does then which love is this stone supposed to translate?

I turn off the computer and decide to go to bed. I change myself in t-shirt and sweatpants. I crawl into my bed and grab a pillow to my chest for comfort. It doesn't matter. The meaning of this stupid stone doesn't matter. All that matters is that it comes from Sara and the memory attach to it.

xxxxx

I know I've been putting distance between Sara and I, but it was just as far as physical contact were concerned. I mean, I still need to talk to her and see her everyday to feel good. She's like oxygen, and I need oxygen to go on, don't I?

I'm in the breakroom waiting for assignment. Sara hasn't come in yet, but ever since she's with Nancy, she seldom comes in early. I'm talking with Warrick and Nick about their previous night and their future plans for the coming week end.

"Alright team, I got one DB, one car accident, a suspicious circ and a robbery, choose what you want and have fun," Grissom says with a smile. My, my, he's in a very good mood tonight.

"Okay, lady's first, so Cath what do you want?" Nick, ever the gentleman, says.

"Shouldn't we wait for Sara first?" I ask.

"No need, she's staying here tonight, rock on kids," Grissom says before disappearing for good.

That's weird, weird and not good. Weird because I don't remember her doing any overtime so I don't think she maxed out on this level. Now, if she's forced to stay here instead of going on the field, she'll be pissed off, and one thing I know is that a pissed off Sara is always bad. Luck me since I'm her friend I can tame an angry Sara so to speak.

In the end the boys and I agree to pick up our assignment randomly. My mind stays on Sara though, and I decide to find her before heading out. I head directly in her lab and find her studying pictures.

"Knock, knock," I say gently leaning on the door frame.

She lifts her head and looks at me quickly without even smiling. "Hey," she answers flatly. I see she's not in a good mood, then again I kind of expected that.

I wait a bit hoping she might actually talk to me but she doesn't. Instead of that she's ignoring me, I'm kind of unsettled by her behaviour. I try to think of anything wrong I could have said or done that could have pissed her off. I can't think of anything, so I conclude that the problem isn't me. "Are you okay?" I ask her gently.

"Fine," she says, her eyes never leaving the pictures she's studying. O-Kay.

I wait a while more but she keeps on ignoring me. I have to admit that I hate when she's giving the cold shoulder. "Grissom said you won't go on the field today, have you pissed him off?" I joke.

"No."

"I see."

"Great for you, now if you don't mind I've got some work to do," she says sharply looking at me annoyed.

"Okay," I simply answer. In a normal day I'd have bitch back at her. No matter what her problem is, I'm not the source of it and I really think her attitude is uncalled for. But she's my friend and right now even though I'm really pissed off, I'm concerned about her.

I leave the room without a word and decide to give her some time. I'll check up on her later.

xxxxx

I spend my whole shift thinking about Sara, wondering what's wrong with her. Call me suicidal but as soon as I'm back to the lab I decide to face Sara again. I go in the break room and pour two cups of fresh coffee and then I go looking for her. I find her in the A/V lab. "Hey there," I announce my presence.

Sara just looks at me and sighs before focusing on her work again "Hey," she says without enthusiasm. I see she's just as warm as hours ago, but I don't let this discourage me , I come in and sit next to her and offer a cup of coffee.

"There you go, I thought you could use a break," I say.

"Thanks," she simply answers.

"How are you?"

"Fine."

"How's your shift going?" I keep on asking question. She shrugs in response and takes a sip from her cup. Great, we just regressed from monosyllabic answers to non verbal answers. Those are sure signs that she's in a hell of a mood. I decide to reach her the only I'm sure she'll respond well: work. "So, what are you working on?"

"Greg asked me to watch the surveillance tape from the jewellery which has been robbed," she says flatly.

"They robbed specific things?"

"Yep, a big diamond and nothing else."

"A diamond uh? Innocence and constancy," I muse.

"Excuse me?" she frowns.

"The meaning of diamond," I elaborate.

"Really? You mean stones have meaning?" she asks surprised, with a little chuckle.

"Yeah….you didn't know?"

"You'd be surprised at the amount of things I don't know. I know a myth is crumbling down, but I don't actually know everything," she jokes a bit.

So now I know that my necklace doesn't have any secret meaning, well I can't really say that I'm surprised, after all she's with Nancy. The only meaning of my gift was 'thank you', guess it's better than nothing.

Anyway, now that she's a bit more responsive I decide to dare ask her again if she's alright, hoping I'll get an honest answer. "So, do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?"

"What's bothering you," I state with a friendly smile.

"I'm fine," she answers firmly. Once again her expression hardens.

"Sara, I know you, and I can tell that something is bothering you," I push her a bit.

"I'm fine," she repeats looking at the screen in front of her.

"You're sure of that?"

"How many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine before you actually leave me alone?" she snaps.

"I'm just concerned about you," I defend myself.

"Why don't you mind your business for change?" she spits before bursting out of the A/V room.

Now, that hurts. I'm left stunned and angry. Seems like her and I have just taken a big step back.

"Cath? You're alright?" Warrick asks me from the doorway.

"Sara blew me off," I simply say.

"Tell me about it, she's been biting the head off of everyone today," he says with a sigh.

Yeah, well I had hoped I wouldn't be just 'everyone'.

xxxxx

Shift ends at last. I head to the locker room to grab my belongings and go home. Sara is in, I have a two seconds hesitation but then get in anyway. I expect her to apologize for her attitude earlier but she doesn't say anything. She just does what she has to and leaves without a word. I supposed she must have had a fight with Nancy and now we all have to pay for it. I sigh heavily, I let it slide for today but I know that I won't be that merciful if she keeps up with that attitude.

xxxxx

One week.

It's been one week since the last time I've talked with Sara. She's been avoiding me ever since she blew me off. The only consolation I have is that apparently she's been avoiding everyone. Another weird thing is that she hasn't been on the field at all during all this time. It hurts that she's not coming to me when she's like that. I mean I thought we were closed friend now and that she'd trust me enough to come to me whenever something bothered her.

The fact is that I'm pissed at her. A week ago she'd still come at night on my porch and sit there for hours. The first time it happened I was surprised but…I couldn't explain you how I felt, honored, special, there's no word to describe that feeling. She had turned to me, she was vulnerable yet she had turned to me for comfort or anything else. Then it almost became a silent dance for months. I surprised myself looking at my kitchen window almost everyday, hoping to see her on the front stairs. I was happy when she was there. We didn't talk much but she let me take care of her. And the last time she came she even slept on my couch. I watched her slept for hours, I even dared caressing her hair to calm her down when her sleep became agitated.

I've been watching my front stairs all this week, expecting her to show up, she didn't. Every time we were in the same room she ignored me. I even start to think that she has a grudge against me after all. I mean I think she's doing everything possible to avoid me. I mean at work she never passes by my office now, she barely gets out from whatever lab she's hiding into, she even avoids to be back at Nancy's when she knows I'm coming. You think I'm paranoid? Then how do you explain the fact that she was never at Nancy's when I came to pick Lindsey? Or the other day, the boys had a baseball match, and we were supposed to meet all after the match at Nancy's, Sara was at the match but not at Nancy's.

It's killing me not to know what's going on. I've tried to talk to her but it was just as constructive as talking to a wall. After the third reject I've stopped reaching. There's only much my heart can bear. This situation is really painful for me because I'm wearing my heart on my sleeves so any bad reaction from Sara is a full blow in the guts.

xxxxx

Today's my day off so I've decided to spend it with Nancy. First, because it's been a while since we had a day for ourselves, and then because I thought that if I couldn't get Sara to talk to me then maybe Nancy could help me and tell me what's wrong with Sara. I might actually get some clues on what bad things I did and how to repair it.

Nancy and I have a rather quiet lunch. I notice that she looks tired and a bit under the weather. Maybe she also has to suffer Sara's mood.

"…So Grissom got on the table and started to tap-dance completely naked, well no, actually he had a bow around his neck," I say. As I suspected it, Nancy wasn't paying attention to whatever I was saying so she didn't even flinch. I reach out and take her left hand in mine "Hey, where are you?" I ask gently.

Nancy looks at me as if she was surprised to see me there. She gives me and apologetic smile. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention."

I chuckle "Yeah, I figured that much. Want to tell your big sis what's get you so down?" I say with a smile.

She sighs "I've got a lot in my mind right now, that's all."

"Sara, isn't it?" I state. "She's been quite a pain at work lately, so I figured things might be a bit rough between you two," I explain.

She snorts "I guess, you could say that."

"Talk to me. I know I'm not the best source of advice when it comes to relationships but I'm a good listener," I tell her. I caress her hand with my thumb and I frown. I look down at her hand and confirm what my thumb was feeling, or rather, not feeling "Your ring is missing," I state.

I remember how Sara was upset when she lost her ring in that muddy scene. If Nancy has lost her ring, they must have argued about it. That could explain Sara's moodiness.

"It's not missing," Nancy says, cutting my thoughts. Her fingers reach for the chain around her neck where her ring is dangling. "I took it off," she elaborates.

"Why?"

"It shouldn't be that hard to connect the dots, especially for you. I mean that's why you get paid, isn't it?" she says flatly.

I know for a fact that she never took that ring out, never. I mean this ring was like her wedding ring, and everyone knows that you never, under any circumstance take out your wedding ring. Alright I'll admit that you'd take it out at work if, like us, you were putting your hands in god knows what. But the thing is that a wedding ring is supposed to stay in your finger. Sure Nancy's ring wasn't an engagement ring or a wedding ring but the meaning of her ring was just the same. I should know, I had to listen to her telling me about this stupid ring for weeks; about how romantic it was when Sara gave it to her; about how happy she was… sickening, it was just sickening, but that's not the point here.

The only reason I can think off for one to take out such a meaning full item off their fingers would be because…

No way.

I look at Nancy in disbelief. This has to be a joke. "You two broke up?" I ask cautiously.

Nancy sighs, but her look tells me that I'm right. "Actually I'm pretty sure that I'm the one who broke up with her," she says in a whisper.

To say I'm stunned would be an understatement. I honestly hadn't seen this one coming. "I don't get it. I thought that she made you happy…that you loved her…I … I don't get it." I say still not believing the situation.

"She made me happy and I love her," Nancy echoes my words.

"But?"

"I don't know…something was missing…I didn't feel complete anymore," she shrugs. Her eyes are watering and her voice is weak.

I'm gaping like a fish out of water. "But she was there at the match, and I saw her taking the boys to school…I…"

"She's out of my bed, not of my life," Nancy replies. "Besides the boys and her have activities together and whole schedule of weekly habits, I'm not about to take that away from her or from the boys, I don't want to. Just because we broke up doesn't mean that the boys have to pay for it."

"How are you holding up?" I finally ask her. My head is spinning, and I feel like I was having palpitations. I think I'm having a little panic attack. I don't know why because after all I'm not the one who's having a broken heart.

"I feel empty. It's been a week and I feel utterly empty," she says before burying her head in her hands. "I miss her so much it hurts," she says with a shaky voice. She lifts her head and looks at me, silent tears are damping her cheeks, and she looks away. She chuckles humourlessly and then whips her tears away. "I'm the one to blame, I mean I let her go didn't I?"

I don't say anything. I don't know what to say anyway.

"You want to know something funny? All those reasons that pushed me to break up with her seems so stupid and meaningless now," she sobs a bit. "I miss her badly, but I don't know if we can be together, I'm lost and I can make any sense out of the mess of my feelings."

"Little bean, I'm sorry" I tell her honestly.

She takes a deep breath tries to block her tears with the palms of her hands. She stands up and silently she goes to the sink and throws some cold water on her face. She sighs and then turns to me again. "It's really hard," she says quietly.

I stand up and do the only thing I can think of to comfort her, I take her in my arms "Come here."

Now that I have a complete view of the puzzle I can understand Sara's behaviour lately. Nancy is the one who broke up yet she's devastated, I can only imagine what Sara must be going through.

xxxxx

Tonight is a quiet night. There were only two scenes and Grissom sent Greg and Nick on the field. Warrick, Sara and I are working on an opened case. We're all standing in a room around an evidence table. We're working silently, every now and then one of us breaks the silence, eventually Warrick and I joke around but other than that it's a strictly business atmosphere. The reason? Sara. She's just as joyful as a prison door. She's not saying anything except when she finds something.

She locked herself in silence and no one seems to reach her. Now that I know the reason why, I understand her reaction, although it worries me. I can't help glancing at her every two minutes, I think it's the first time in a whole week that we've been working together.

Suddenly we hear a low growl. Sara and I look at each other with a frown, she puts her hands in surrender "Don't look at me," she defends herself.

"Guilty," Warrick chuckles. "I need to eat something," he states though his stomach was pretty clear. "Alright, it's my turn to buy lunch, what do you guys want? The usual?"

"Yeah, works for me," I say.

"I pass, I'm fine, thanks," Sara replies.

Warrick leaves, now there's only Sara and I in the room. She hasn't apologized yet for blowing me off the other day, thought I'm a bit offended I haven't called her on it.

I take a moment to really scrutinize her and I realize for the first time that she's in a bad shape. She's pale and looks pretty tired, her eyes are dull – the sparkle in it is gone, and I'd bet my pay check that she has lost weight. She has never been good at taking care of herself, and those are the sure signs that her break with Nancy is affecting her badly, that was to be expected.

Her phone rings and she picks it up still looking at her evidence. "Sidle," she says flatly. Her expression changes immediately, the light in her eyes comes back instantly and her expression softens. "Hey Nance," she says.

It has always amazed me the effect Nancy had on Sara and now even more. Two seconds ago Sara looked almost dead and now it's like life had come back in her.

"Sure I can do this….no don't worry I'll take him there…tomorrow at four, got it…no don't worry….Nance babe…" she sighs as she realized that she has called Nancy 'babe'. She takes a deep breath and speaks again this time her tone is almost flat "…don't worry I'll do it…you're welcome…bye…take care…" and with that she hangs up. Once more the light in her eyes goes away. I see her struggling to compose herself again and then she returns her focus on the evidence.

It's really crazy. I mean, for me they formed the perfect couple. I still can't believe they're over. I mean it's insane, they love each other and make each other happy, yet they broke up. It's like the world was spinning back ward, if they can't make it with the odds on their sides, then who will?

Love is really a weird thing.

I can't take the silence anymore " Nancy told me about you two…I'm sorry," I tell her. She looks at me but doesn't answer or shows any reaction. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here," I offer.

I had expected her to snaps once more, to stay silent, to thank me or just blowing me off gently; but certainly not to laugh bitterly. I look at her quizzically. Then her smile fades away instantly, she looks at me with cold anger. " That's a joke, right?" she asks. "Let me get it straight for you. You're not even on the list of the last person I'd like to discuss this with."

Ouch. I don't think I'd be more hurt had I received a thousand blows in the guts. That's enough, I can't help but let my anger flow.

"You know what? Fuck off Sara. I know you're going through a rough time but I don't think I deserve any of this. I let it slide the other day, but I won't this time. I'm your friend and my only fault is to offer you comfort or anything you need. And you just keep on rejecting me with harsh and uncalled for comments, not to talk about your attitude. Tell me why, because honestly I'm confused here." I say angrily.

She just chuckles "Tell me something my friend. Have you even been remotely, just for one second, genuinely happy about me being with Nancy?" she asks vehemently.

Her words hurt, but she touched a sensitive string with her question. Truth is that I came to term with their relationship and I came to accept it. Have I ever been happy about it? Saying yes would be a fat lie. I keep on looking at Sara, I clench and unclench my jaw repeatedly before looking away.

"There. You have your answer," she says sharply. Then she leaves the room with a snort.

It's the second time she hurts me, and the second time that I'm unable to defend myself properly. Only this time her words have really made damage in me and it takes all I have not to cry. Loving her so much makes me weak and vulnerable. Right now my heart is bleeding openly because of her and I'm angry at myself for letting her doing this without fighting her.

xxxxx

Shift finally comes to an end. I'm glad for it because I've been eager to leave this place ever since my 'talk' with Sara. I head to the locker room. As I pass in front of Grissom's door Sara's voice catches my ears.

"Grissom…" she sighs "I quit okay? I quit." She says firmly.

I'm frozen on the spot. Please tell me that it's not what it sounds like. Sara can't quit, I mean this job is too precious to her for that.

I know it's bad to eardrop conversation but I can't help myself. I stay right where I am and listen, hoping that I misheard and that I might get more clues about what's going on. When I pay attention to the conversation again I've missed some pieces of it because my mind was too busy swirling with questions.

"You're sure of yourself?" Grissom asks.

"Definitive," Sara replies. "I'm tired, edgy, I can't focus properly… I just can't keep up like this."

"Alright, you know best what you need," Grissom says. "Let's settle this," then I don't hear anything more.

I feel sick. Everything keeps on getting worse.

xxxxx

"Sara, it's me again. Could you return my calls even if it's just to tell me to go to hell. I'm worried about you," I say before hanging up my phone.

Sara hasn't been at work in five days. Grissom says that she took some days off. I just hope that those days off aren't a period of reflection before deciding whether to quit or not.

I've been calling her several time everyday but she doesn't answer her phone. I know for a fact that she cancelled her engagement with Jeremy and Allan for an undetermined time. Basically, she's playing dead and I'm worried about her.

I decide to go at her apartment, just to make sure that she's alright.

On my way there several questions are clouding my head. I can't help myself but being afraid that she'll do something stupid. Nancy thinks I'm over reacting and that I need to leave Sara alone – probably because unlike me Sara gives her news. I can't help it, this is the woman I love we're talking about and I won't let go until I see her from my own two eyes.

I arrive at her place the first thing I notice is her car in the parking lot. At least I know she's here. I get out of my car and enter her building, I take the elevator to her floor, when I arrive at her door I take a deep breath. I knock three times lightly. I wait but there's no answer. I knock again but have the same result.

This time I pound on the door. "Sara, it's Catherine, please open the door," I ask. Since I still don't get any answer I decide to keep pounding on that poor door until I get answer.

Suddenly the door opens. I'm a bit taken aback but I regain my composure quickly. Sara looks like a zombie, a pissed off zombie. "What do you want?" she asks harshly.

Is she serious or is she just trying to provoke me? She's been playing dead for five days, not returning any of my call and she's asking me what I want?

I use all the self control I have to keep my cool. "I just needed to see you," I tell her honestly. "Since you weren't returning my call I thought I'd come to see if you were fine by myself," I say with a little resent and hurt.

She looks at me with an emotionless look. "Well you came, you saw and I'm fine," she says flatly before closing the door on me.

That's the last straw. She just unleashed hell.

I ball my fists and pound on the door again, harder than before. Once more the door opens but this time I force myself in her apartment. "Hey! What are you doing?!" Sara almost shouts but I don't pay attention. I go further in the living room near the window.

I'm pissed at her, because she's selfish. I was worried sick about her, I didn't know where she was, if she was alright, if she was even alive. All I was asking for was a simple sign that she was fine. Was it too much to ask?

"Catherine, get out of here," Sara growls, she's holding the door open. I don't move from my spot. Instead I cross my arms over my chest, I put my foot deeper on the ground. "Catherine. Get out of here," she repeats through her teeth.

"Make me," I dare her.

She slams the door shut and then comes in the living room. She sighs heavily she passes her hand through her hair and looks at me with anger "What the hell do you want?"

"What the hell do I want? I want you to stop treating me like shit because nothing justify this; I want you to get your head out of your ass and see that some people care about you, namely me. I know that you're taking hard your break up with Nancy, believe me I know and…"

"Oh you know everything then…" she starts with sarcasm.

"Shut up! Shut the hell up okay?! I'm talking here," I shout. I'm boiling now. "I know you're suffering Sara. I also know this, I'm your friend and I won't leave you in this state. Look at you! Ever since you broke up with Nancy you've been awful with everyone, you've been neglecting yourself so much you look terrible. You lost weight, from the bags under you eyes I can say that you don't sleep…." I sigh.

I start to pace then look at her again. "I know what you're going through because I've been there too. I'm your friend. You've been treating me like I was some kind of stranger but I am your friend and because I'm your friend I can't let you like this." I let my words sink in. she's staring at me blankly. I calm myself and walk closer to her. She's holding herself as if she was ready to shatter into pieces.

"I know you need someone to look out for you," my voice is soft now. "You need someone to take care of you, someone to talk to, someone to hold onto while you're going through this, someone to tell you that you'll get through this…you need a friend. I'm your friend and I'm here for you. So you can scream, whine, kick the floor, pout, do whatever you want but I won't let you down." I tell her honestly. "I won't let you down because I lo…" I trail off and keep myself from making a mistake. Telling her that I love her is the last thing she needs to hear now. Even though those words are burning my chest so much they're begging to come out. I swallow the lump in my throat and try again. "I won't let you down, because I care about you way too much for this."

"You want to know what I really need? I need my heart to be unbroken. I need Nancy back into my life. I need to go back home to Nancy everyday instead of being stuck in this fucking cage!" she says mentioning her apartment. "I need to be with Nancy again so I can breathe," tears are falling on her face, her breathing is hollow. "I need my happy life back….I need Nancy, do you get that?" she asks me aggressively. "I need Nancy…" she repeats before sobbing violently.

I start to take her in my arms but she rejects me violently. "Don't you touch me!!"

I try again and once more she struggles against me but I refuse to let go. Finally she gives up and let me take her in my arms. She lets herself falling on the floor I follow her so we're now kneeling down. I'm holding her tight against me.

I think that up until this moment, I never truly realized how much she loves Nancy. Now I know. Her gut wrenching sobs that are racking through her body are so violent that they're shaking me to the core.

Once more I feel the bitter taste of cruel irony. I've never felt so close to the woman I love so desperately than right now when she's crying herself out for the woman she loves, a woman that isn't me.

Love's a bitch, and it'll be the death of me.

I know it's not that good and I'll try to do better for the next chap, you have my word on that.

Thanks for reading.