SM Owns
Big thanks to Lynn Pepper, Mytwogalspal for all the help! Lots of love!
For everyone still with us...thanks for sticking around - things can only get better from here on out. Four more chapters and we will get these 2 back on track, promise.
CHAPTER 26: Time Goes On...
EPOV
"I heard he dumped her for Bella Swan," a senior in my art class whispers to her friend, but she isn't quiet enough.
"I knew there was something going on between them," her friend glances at me out of the corner of her eye, I pretend to not be paying any attention. "Ethan said he saw them over the summer like all over each other."
"I really thought her and Riley were like so in love. I don't understand how she could do that to him."
I run my hand through my hair, and sigh. I go around to the front of my desk, and sit on top of it. I wasn't in the mood to come back to this room...which is still filled with so many memories of her. Even her art work is embedded on the concrete walls.
I clear my throat, "I have journals," I begin to explain the same assignment I gave Bella's class. When I finish, "Is there any questions?"
The girl that's been discussing the rumors of my love life raises her hand. I glance down at the seating chart I sent around the room for them to fill out with their names in the seats they had chosen. "Yes, Abby," I call on her.
"Are you like with Bella Swan?"
"Does anybody have any questions about the assignment?" I re-phase the question.
She raises her hand again, "Abby." I give her another chance.
"Cause if not I'm free." She smiles wide with a small giggle, making the rest of the class laugh.
I close my eyes. "That doesn't surprise me." I pick up the journals and start handing them out.
She doesn't say anything the rest of class, when the bell rings I ask her to stay. "Abby, I'd like to have a word with you, please."
"I have to get to math..." she says inching toward the door.
"I'll write you a note," I tell her shutting the door.
She huffs, and takes a sit in the desk right in front of mine. "My personal life isn't up for discussion. I won't tolerate any blatant or suggestive references to it, am I clear?"
"Yes, Mr. Cullen."
"Is everything okay?" I ask her, sensing something is off with her.
Her eyes well with tears. "My dad lost his job...and we had to move out of our house. The guy I like doesn't like me..."
I cringe internally for asking her. I don't really have the energy to deal with it since everything happened with Bella and Dean...three very long weeks ago.
"You should make an appointment to speak with Ms. Remy. She is here to listen and find ways to help."
She looks up at me, her eye liner running down her face. I grab a tissue, and hand it to her. "Thanks," she mumbles dabbing her eyes. "I feel like such an idiot crying to you."
"Don't, do you want me to set up something with Ms. Remy?"
"I'd rather talk to you. I mean you were always so great with Bella when she had that abortion..."
"Miscarriage," I don't know how smart it was of me to correct her, but I feel the need to defend the truth as much as I can. Even though her words slice my heart wide open. I had it stitched. It was messy and still weeping, but mentioning the baby Bella and I lost, is painful.
"Abby, I'm flattered you feel that you can trust me, but Ms. Remy is very good at her job. She was specially trained to help students like you who are under a lot of emotional stress. Senior year of high school can be very scary all by it's self, add in the problems you have at home, the emotions you feel for boys, and all of a sudden you are staring at a mountain of problems and Ms. Remy can teach you how to handle it all. She has those tools, I don't."
She nods, keeping her eyes trained on the desk. "Fine," she relents.
"Okay, I'll see if she can see you during your free period, okay?"
"Thanks, Mr. Cullen," she looks up at me. "I'm sorry for asking those questions earlier about Bella...I'm sure they are just rumors."
"It's okay."
She smiles, then stands up. I bend over my desk and write her a note. When I turn back to her, I catch her checking out my ass.
"Here," I say, holding the note out to her, then going to open the door for her. "Go freshen up before you get to class, okay?" I want her to know I don't expect her to go right into class looking like she's been crying so that everyone can ask her if she's okay.
I take the steps in the back hall to get to my office. I have done a good job at avoiding Liv so far this first week of school. I can't do that though, we need to have a professional relationship.
I stay in my office, and dial her extension. "This is Liv Remy," she answers.
"Hey, it's Edward," I begin.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Cullen?" Her tone is short, clipped. Not friendly and flirty, like I am so used to.
"Can you come in my office, I need to speak to you about a student."
"Sure," she hangs up. I open my office door, indicating that she can come right in.
She walks in, wearing a tight pencil skirt with a high waist, a white button down shirt is tucked in. Her hair is up in a messy bun on the left side of her head.
She looks me over, "You look like shit," she takes note of my jeans and button down flannel I didn't even bother to tuck in. I still haven't been great with the shaving, and my hair, I haven't bothered to take the time to tame it like I did last year for work.
"Thanks, you look...nice," I settle on.
"What's up?" she asks.
"Abby - I forget her last name. She is a senior, short dark hair, blue eyes...likes to gossip..."
"Abby Davis, yeah what about her?"
"She has some issues going on at home, the school year only just started, it's not going to get easier or less stressful for her, I told her I would have you speak to her during her free period, you know help her find a way to deal with everything in a more manageable way."
"No problem, anything else?"
"No."
"How is Bella?" she asks.
"Is this us being professional?" I retort. I don't understand why everyone wants to know what is going on between us.
"I thought it was me trying to extend an olive branch...be your friend, I guess that was stupid."
"Bella Swan is in Chicago, I haven't seen or spoken to her for three weeks."
"I'm sorry," Liv sounds sincere.
"I'm sorry I didn't want to see her for exactly what she is...an immature teenager."
"Ouch," Liv whispers.
"Chloe? How is Chloe?" I change the subject.
"She is doing so good. Lucas got a better job, and he bought a house that he is fixing up so we can all move in."
"Good. Good for you guys, look I have to get back to work." I lead her toward the door, just as Marcus is coming in.
"Morning, Ms. Remy," he greets her as they walk past each other.
"Edward, I have a few prospects for you this fall and spring."
"Of course," I say, excited to have this discussion with Marcus. I asked him if I could get into coaching a winter and spring sport to keep me busy this year.
I almost wish I could leave Wildwood. There is nothing here for me, no one. I'm so alone, I just want to stay busy, because I can't just leave this job after a year, it won't look good on my resume.
But what would I do? Go back to Chicago? The last thing I need is to run into Bella.
"The girls teams need the most help...in the winter, the swim team, and the spring softball. Becca Richard's, the gym teacher is the head coach for both, but she would like someone to help and bring on an assistant coach, both teams last year came very close to states, do you think you are up for it on top of the art club?"
"I don't have an art club, no one has signed up...so I don't think it will be an issue."
"Well, Mrs. Richards will be pleased to hear you are joining her." Marcus shakes my hand, and I'm thankful I will have things to keep me busy during the school year.
I put my head in my hands, I wasn't ready to feel so hurt at every reminder of her in this building but I am. I think of her when I pass her locker. When I go in the art room. When I watched in silence when Liv painted our sets from last year white.
She's everywhere. I can't get away from her, and honestly that's all I want.
UtB
I'm sitting in my office, looking through the new journals for this year. I can't help that I'm not so inspired by them, not happy.
How could I expect anyone to live up to Bella Swan?
No one ever could.
Abby shows the greatest potential. Her journal is by far one of my favorites. I pointed it out to Liv, and she raised her eyebrows at me.
My phone buzzes on my desk.
Jane.
"Don't you dare tell me you're still at work." She says, I can hear the smile in her voice though."You work too much. You're punished."
"Punished..." I trail off, honestly wondering where she's going with this. Things with Jane have been fun, and she's been there for me.
Feelings? There are no feelings. I'm sick off feelings and I'm trying to avoid them; which is the reason I'm still at school at Eleven-thirty on a Friday night.
"I'm coming to Wildwood, actually, I'm here. You have five minutes to pack up your shit and open the door to your house before Wildwood High needs a new Vice Principal."
I pack up my things, while still on the phone with Jane. She tells me about her day, I tell her about mine.
I get home in five minutes. Jane's BMW is parked in the driveway, but she's not in the car. I shake my head when I see lights on, and the curtain move.
"I should have you arrested for breaking and entering." I tell her, kneeling down to pet Angel.
"It's not breaking and entering if you told me where the key is." She says, smugly.
"You little girl, are supposed to keep people like this out of our house." I tell Angel as she licks my face.
"You're useless." I say, patting her on the head.
Jane laughs, and walks in the kitchen with a pizza box.
"I picked up..." She trails off. "..so much pizza!" She shrieks.
"Have you eaten anything besides greasy pizza and fast food since I left three weeks ago?"
"Uh..." No, I haven't.
She stares at me for a minute, and walks over to the refrigerator. I'd tell her nothing is in it, but it won't help my case. She picks up the pizza box that she brought, along with the others, and tosses them in the trash.
"That's it. I hate this place, and if you eat anymore pizza you'll mess up that pretty face of yours with acne. Pack a bag for the weekend."
I raise an eyebrow at her.
"Look at you, miss bossy."
The thought of getting out of Wildwood, even for a few days, is appealing.
"Shut up." She says folding her arms over her chest.
I laugh as I head upstairs to pack a bag. It'll be nice to escape reality... even for the weekend.
UtB
Within two hours, Jane has me at her apartment with cheese steak from Tony Luke's and a six pack of beer. Her apartment is amazing. The walls are white, with flowers painted red. Her couch is white, leather, and it takes up a whole wall. And it's comfortable.
"So much for no greasy food." I say, trying to dodge her hand when she hits me.
"Tony's is the exception."
I can't even speak it's so good, I just nod enjoying the taste as I wipe some grease off the corner of my mouth.
"Welcome to Northern Liberties," Jane smiles at me.
I swallow my food, "I really do miss being in the city," I tell her.
"The shore is great all summer...but gosh, it's so depressing there now."
"You don't have to tell me."
Where Jane lives is called The Piazza at Schmidts. It use to be Schmidts brewery. It's a huge square, and right in the middle is a courtyard and all the apartments balconies look out over it. There are no apartments on the ground level.
It's restaurants, markets, shops, I even noticed an art gallery. Against the far left wall, there is a big screen set up. Jane explained they show movies some nights, and are always playing big sporting events.
"I'm scared to be here if the Phillies make it to the world series again," she laughed.
The TV is on quietly as we continue to eat, and I see her. I grab the remote and turn it up.
"Oh geez! Gimme that!" she tries to take the remote. I hold her back with one hand, and she gives up burying her head in her hands embarrassed. "I hate seeing myself." she mumbles.
"Shut up, you are a natural." I tell her. I turn the TV back down, and sit back on the couch. I stare at her, kind of in shock, because I still have trouble with who she has become.
She stares back then a smile spreads across her face, "Stop it," she shoves me again, then starts cleaning up the paper from our food.
"Stop hitting me. I'm gonna bruise if you keep hitting me."
She ignores me, and when she comes back, she is armed with blankets and a pillow.
"Thanks." I say, taking them but she doesn't give them to me.
"No, you go sleep in the bedroom...You are the guest."
"I'm not taking your bed."
"Well, I'm sorry Edward, I don't have three bedrooms like you, and I can sleep on the couch, unless you want to share the bed...and I don't think you do - I'm a tosser."
I give Jane a few minutes to get ready for bed, then I head in the bathroom and change into a pair of basket ball shorts and a white t-shirt. When I walk into the bedroom, Jane is in bed, covered in silver under her bedding. She is all the way to the left of the bed.
It's so weird getting in bed with her...I lost my virginity to her, but was never in a bed with her.
She was never allowed in my room. I was never allowed in hers. It was always on the couch in my basement, listening for footsteps overhead, and never getting fully undressed.
As I climb in the right side, leaving a nice sized gap between us, I start to laugh thinking about our 'sex lives' then.
"What's so funny?" she asks.
"Just thinking of how we use to have sex in my basement...I knew if you came over in that skirt we would be doing it," I chuckle.
"Shut up," she shakes her head. "We didn't even have a clue back then."
"You said I was good." I argue with her.
"I also had nothing to compare it too."
"Ouch...So I was that bad, huh?"
"Any sex like that would be bad, Edward. Don't take it personally. I mean...I always thought we managed to separate in time, and you said your parents had no clue -"
"Yeah, I was lying," I interrupt her. Her mouth falls open, and I laugh. "I knew if you knew they caught us...you'd never do it with me again down there...and well that was the only place we had."
She shakes her head at me, then turns on her side, propping herself up on one elbow.
"For the record...I'm much better in bed now." I tell her smugly.
"Is that so?" she raises her eyebrows expectantly at me.
"Yeah it is."
She rolls her eyes, "Guess I'll never know."
"That ship has definitely sailed."
"Totally." she shakes her head awkwardly.
The light atmosphere is now uncomfortable. Not tense, just off. I can see Jane thinking hard. I get a glimpse of the girl I once knew. Whenever she got an idea, her eyes got vacant. She has the look now.
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she finally asks.
"I wasn't really thinking of anything, why? What are you thinking?" I move to mimic her pose on my side.
She shakes her head, "Nothing. Never mind."
"Tell meeee," I whine, squeezing her side, making her squirm.
"It was stupid." I stare her down, letting her know she isn't getting off that easy. She lets out a heavy sigh, "You know...people have needs...and I don't know about you, but I don't just go anywhere to have my needs ya know...filled...and..."
I understand exactly where she is going with this. Fuck buddies. No strings attached. Friends with benefits.
"Oh.." I stop her. "You know I..."
"I know stupid, forget it." she moves to her back.
I should go out on the couch...or I should kiss her. "Crap," I mutter under my breathe, going to lay on my back.
I don't want a girlfriend. I know Jane doesn't want a boyfriend. I'm a man though...a twenty five year old man, and I like having sex...and Jane's right, I don't like having sex with random strangers, or girls that come to expect more from me.
Jane won't.
I turn my head to look at her. The covers aren't up to her neck anymore, they are resting right below her chest. Her nipples poking through her pink tank top. Her eyes closed, her chest rising and falling steadily. She isn't sleeping, she's just avoiding me.
I rub my hand over my face, and I feel myself grow hard as I watch her tits.
"Fuck it," I move quickly, so I'm hovering on top of her.
Her blue eyes open wide staring at me, she opens her mouth to speak but I kiss her.
She wraps her fingers around the base of my neck, I pull away, "You sure about this fuck buddies thing?" I ask her.
Her tiny hands move down my sides then snake up my t-shirt, I help her by pulling it over my head.
"As long as you are."
I let my full body weight cover her, "What do you think?" I shift my hardness against her center.
"Shit," she whispers, her eyes closing in pleasure.
This is not even close to how I pictured spending this weekend, but Jane is right; I have needs and fuck do I want to fill them.
BPOV
I sit on the small twin bed, in the small square room, looking out the stupid small window that hardly lets in any light. I don't know how they think artists can work in such a shitty environment. Maybe that's like the first test, make something uninviting, inviting.
My last weeks in Wildwood were so hard. Charlie came for a week to see Cayden. I love him to death, I really do...it's just hard. I was at Emmett's and Rosalie's with everyone, and found this package they just opened. It was a few cute outfits, and a gift card to Babies R Us. From Edward.
I should have never let him go. It's my biggest regret. I realized too late, that things went wrong then. Not when I cheated on Riley. Because for me, forgiveness was such an unattainable thing. I couldn't grasp that someone would have the understanding that Edward possesses. I was so afraid he would hate me for lying to him, that I let him go.
He would have forgiven my lie...he did forgive my lie. I still squandered that forgiveness away like a fool. Story of my life.
I spent a lot of time with Jessica. She was just going to stay and go to community college. I think she was a little sad that I was going, because I always thought it was beyond my reach to accomplish this...we always talked about going to community together.
Even though Edward said his family was here for me...I can't help but to feel like I threw that all away after my night with Dean. Who, of course I haven't spoken to since. Not that I intended to keep in touch with him.
Charlie carries in the last big box. It has a lot of wall art in it. The picture Edward sketched of me. The painting Riley did for me. I actually begged Charlie to leave it behind.
He commented on the sketch of me. The left corner signed E Cullen. "That boy see's all your beauty."
And all my ugly.
I knew he had every reason under the sun to hate me. It was what I wanted, right? I wanted him to hate me...as much as I hated myself.
He stormed out of the room with Jane. I was sorry...it was the worst feeling in the world to have Edward Cullen hate me. It was as if he ripped my heart out and wouldn't give it back, only I handed it right over to him.
I fucked his best friend to make him mad at me. I wouldn't admit that out loud, or even to myself.
I stumbled out of bed, tripping on the white sheet I tried to wrap around my body. Half way down the hall I chased him. Jane looked back at me. He never did.
When I got back to the room, Dean was dressed. He threw my dress at me. "Are you for real?"
"Look, I'm sorry -"
"What were you thinking?"
Instead of breaking down, which is what I really want to do. I get angry. I drop the stupid sheet, because I've already exposed myself to him. I slip on my panties, then the wrinkled dress.
"Take me to that diner."
"You are crazy. There is no way." Dean almost laughs.
"Look...I need to talk to him," I try to drop the anger, but I cannot cry in front of him.
"Well, I'm not going. I don't feel like discussing how I fucked his girl all night!"
"I'm not HIS!" I pick up my shoes, I can't put them on, my feet have blisters, and the hot concrete is less painful than the way the shoes rubbing against the sore skin on my feet.
I walk the streets of Wildwood with a purpose, to get to this stupid diner. It's only four blocks.
I walk in, my eyes searching for him. "You need shoes," the hostess tells me as I spot Edward and Jane.
I ignore her, storming back to the table. "HEY! You have to put on your shoes!" The hostess continues to yell at me. I turn around and give her the finger, just as I reach the booth Edward is in.
"Bella," he shakes his head at me. "Just leave...don't make this any worse."
"No, not until you talk to me."
"The way you talked to me after Riley's accident? No. I need you go...I need time. Please don't make this worse."
The manager is behind me now, "Miss, we are going to have to ask you to leave,"
I turn back to him, drop my heels and painfully slip my feet inside the high heels, "Happy?" I smile tensely at him.
"No scenes," he warns, but I don't care.
"You say you love me...why doesn't your best friend even know who Bella is then? Why didn't you bother to tell your best friend who was hitting on me all night that I was yours? Are you ashamed? You didn't want to introduce your family to the teenager you feel in love with?" Angry fat tears roll down my face, and the manger is trying to pull me out of the diner. I try to shrug his hands off me, but he holds tighter.
"Hey - don't grab her like that," Edward stands up, taking my other arm and pulling me close to him. "We were just leaving," he says, pulling me outside. I hear Jane ask for the cheek.
When we get outside, he lets go of my arm. He runs his hand through his hair, "This -" he motions around, the scene I have created. People gawking, "I don't know why it took me so long to see how immature you are! I can't do this Bella! You asked me to give you space - that's what I was doing. And you fucked my best friend - to what spite me for doing what you asked? Of course you would have been happy to have me start shit at my sisters wedding, to claim you like some cave man in front of everyone! But Bella, this isn't high school! If you wanted me...all you had to do was come talk to me! I tried to talk to you! It was your move, and if your move was to excite jealousy inside me rather than swallowing your pride and coming to me, then I don't know what I'm doing with you! I was never ashamed of you Bella - not until now."
"Edward," I walk closer to him. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't going to work this time!" He yells, moving away from me. "Your tears use to break me...but right now I have no understanding or compassion for what you did."
I sink into the bench outside the diner, sobbing into my hands. He hates me. He isn't going to wait for me. Or be my friend. He won't be anything to me. Which is what I thought I wanted.
"I was so so fucking wrong."
"Apparently, so was I," Edward mumbles.
"So that's it? I really ruined it between us?"
"Yeah...I think you did."
"Hey, kiddo, where do you want to hang this?" Charlie asks, pulling me out of my stupor.
It's a picture of me and Edward, he's hugging me. One of those people on the boardwalk took it, we paid way too much for it. We are smiling so big, like almost on the verge of cracking up.
"Ah...Just put it in that drawer." I say, motioning to the desk.
I didn't tell my father what happened. It's one thing to say I love this guy and he loves me and we had sex...but there is no way I can say I got drunk and fucked his best friend while in some delusional assumption ridden idiot teenage behavior state of mind.
I start hanging up some of my clothes in the closet when the door to the room pushes open. I turn to see who I assume is my roommate walk through the door, dropping a large suitcase to the left of the door.
She is so pretty. She smiles huge at me, "Hey," her voice is unique, and welcoming. "I"m Jamie, you must be Bella!"
"Yeah, nice to meet you," I shake her hand. Her olive complexion makes me jealous, my tan all of a sudden feels fake...I wish my skin was as flawless as hers.
"Oh wow," she says, going straight for the closet and starts admiring a dress of mine, she moves her dark brown hair from the right side to the left, "This is amazing...and my size. We can totally share clothes...I have this one shirt that would look amazing on you," She says, eyeing my figure.
I'm not sure what to say, so I nod, then introduce her to my father. Her parents come in shortly, armed with boxes.
She has on a tiny white dress, with brown cowboy boots. One entire box is cowboy boots...and hats. She's from Memphis.
"Jersey girl? That's awesome. I love that show."
I laugh, "I hate it." I let her know shaking my head.
"I love your eyeliner," I tell her, of the thick black around her hazel eyes.
"I learned this awesome trick to get it like this, I can show you if you want."
"Yeah," I smile, happy I got a decent roommate.
UtB
Chicago, it's freezing. I have no idea how Jamie manages to look so cute all the time, but she does.
She let me borrow her cable knit knee high boots, they are so warm. I have on fingerless mittens, because it's easier to manage things like door knobs, plus they are cute.
We are walking to Starbucks to get coffee, she's like a sister to me. After three months, I'm gonna miss her so much over Thanksgiving weekend.
My arm is linked in her elbow, she always has me cracking me. When she gets mad, she breaks out and starts going off in Russian. Her mother is from the Ukraine. I love it when she tells off guys who get fresh with me or her at the few parties we have been too.
I even learned a few choice words myself.
"I love these boots," I tell her looking down.
"They are yours," she responds like she has twenty pairs.
"I can't take your boots!"
"You have seen how many pairs of boots I have right?"
We start to laugh, and I walk right into someone. "I'm so So -" I trail off, as I am met with a very familiar set of eyes, "..rry," I lose my voice at the end of the word.
My heart feels as if it is going to burst, and I have a lump in my throat, the coldness is gone and I feel like I am overheating, and I think I might throw up.
He stares at me, "Bella," he says evenly.
I can't speak. Jamie clears her throat. "The famous Edward," she holds out her hand, "I"m Jamie, Bella's roommate. You are even hotter in person." he shakes her hand and I shove her shoulder. She looks at me meekly, "Sorry."
"Well...have a nice Thanksgiving," he says, then starts walking away. No how are you...no invitation to talk. Nothing.
"Edward!" I call after him, turning around on the crowded street. He stops, I see his shoulders rise then slowly fall, but he doesn't turn around though.
I leave Jamie, holding up a finger asking her to give me a minute. I shove through a few people until I get to him.
I reach my hand out to his forearm, and coax him to face me. "I tried calling you..." I start when he turns around, his eyes trained to the sidewalk.
He looks up at me, "I never got a message."
"I didn't leave one," I admit. He nods. "How...how are you?" I ask him, desperate to keep him close.
"I'm good."
"I leave tomorrow for Wildwood. I was trying to work up the courage to come talk to you."
He runs his hand through his hair, and remains silent.
"Maybe...I don't know we can talk before I go...?" I ask him with all my courage.
"I don't think so," he scratches the back of his neck.
"Oh," I know my face falls.
"No one has ever hurt me as much as you did that night."
I look down, nodding, "I know...you can't imagine how sorry I am."
"It just doesn't change the damage that was created, Bella."
"Please...just give me a chance to explain," I chew my bottom lip, it takes all my strength to not cry.
"You slept with my best friend...as some way to punish me doing what you asked of me."
I wipe my cheeks, then feel Jamie's hand on my elbow. "B, lets go..." she says quietly. She has watched me cry so many nights over him.
"Yo, Edward! You coming?"
"Fuck," I mumble as Dean catches my eye. He is walking with a pretty blonde.
A pretty pregnant blonde. "Who are your friends, Edward?" she asks, her hand protectively over her small bump. My heart sinks, wondering if she is the reason Edward wasn't even remotely friendly towards me. If that is his baby.
"Michelle, this is Bella Swan, and Jamie?" he questions.
Jamie nods, "Bella, this is Dean's wife, Michelle." Deans wife...thank God. Deans Baby. It's not as if I feel any better, though.
I swallow back, "Nice to meet you," I have no idea if she knows about me...if Dean cheated on his pregnant wife with me...If I should pretend to not know Dean. I get nervous, why did he use my full name? Is this girl going to punch me because I fucked her husband?
"We should get going." I state backing away.
Dean is avoiding me, he won't say a word to me or even look at me.
I mumble happy thanksgiving to all of them, while Jamie pulls me away.
We skip Starbucks, Jamie walks us quickly back to our dorm, which is pretty much empty with everyone going home. I spurt off the million things going through my mind about Edward...Dean...his pregnant wife. All of them are questions, none of which Jamie can answer.
I pull out my cell phone, and call the only person that might answer them for me. Alice.
She answers, but tells me nothing. "Bella...you have to let go of all of this. It's not going to get Edward back, only time will tell if things can be repaired."
She does assure me, Dean and Michelle were recently married. That they were on a break during the wedding. But Michelle has no idea about me.
"So, I have some other exciting news," Alice begins, after calming me down as much as I could be.
"Oh?"
"Jasper and I are expecting!"
"Wow! Congratulations! I'm so happy for you guys." I am happy for them. It doesn't hurt like it use to.
I think I have finally found a way to accept my miscarriage.
"I bet Edward is really excited to become an uncle."
"Bella..." Alice warns, she has a new rule...no talking about Edward.
"Alice...I'm scared I lost him. I mean...look his best friend is having a baby - his little sister is having a baby, I mean what if he wants all that stuff and obviously he wants nothing to do with me, and he could meet someone who didn't lie and sleep with his best friend and he could start his life without me. Alice please, talk to him for me."
"Bella, I love you. I always thought that one day you and I would be sisters...but yeah...I would love to tell you it will all work out for you and my brother, but I can't honestly say that to you anymore."
"Do me one favor, please? And after that - I'll never ask you to get in the middle of Edward and I again."
I hear her sigh, I know she won't say no. And she doesn't. Within an hour, she is knocking on my dorm room door.
I've still been doing an art journal. All summer I did entries...since I've been here.
I had one page left...and while I waited for Alice I filled it for him. Most of it is my feelings for him.
The beginning shows how torn I was between my love for him, and my loyalty to Riley. It shows my happiness to have those few weeks with him over the summer.
Then the dreadful mistake I made with Dean...
How many mistakes I know I made. All the regrets I have.
My last quote to him;
Not even the mighty sky could fill the space you left behind
Not even when it rains.
No, nothing takes your place
Your emptiness too great to fill.
I hand Alice the book, my hand shaking. "He didn't want me to come here," she admits. "I can't promise he will look at this..."
"I know, Alice."
She hands me a small folded up piece of paper, "He did ask me to give you this."
I don't expect it to be anything that I want to hear...not with Alice saying he didn't want her to come here tonight.
I take it, even though I don't want to...I pray the words will change to ones I want to read.
I dread his goodbye.
Once Alice leaves, I sit in the middle of my bed, and unfold the paper.
I hear his voice in my mind as I read the words.
Bella,
When I think of everything that has happened between us I am reminded of one of my favorite books. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. There is one part that says; "For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in your case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."
I can't promise you anything. I do wish you the best. Three months ago, if you asked me where I saw myself in a few years time, I would have said with you. I didn't say that, because I was afraid you'd freak out. In a few years...I don't know if you will be apart of my life. And I'm not sure what hurts more - thinking that, or you doing something you knew would hurt me.
It's time to face the choice you made last year - to grow up without me. I'm sorry if you regret that now.
Edward
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Sorry for the mix-up for those of you who know what I'm talking about.
Chapter 27 will be up soon.