A/N: Alright, am I boring you yet? I'm kinda boring myself. Sirius this. Riley that. James this and that. Yada yada. Slowly, things start to get back to normal. (I'm going to emphasize the word slowly yet again.) There's more than just James/Sirius/Riley in this chapter. So yay!
I got a question about the Order and MWPP. The Order IS mentioned eventually in this story, along with the war that Voldemort is causing. In the sequel, their jobs are just as important as the personal life drama. As for the now the Order is not mentioned. I thought that MWPP weren't involved with the Order of the Phoenix until AFTER school so that's how I wrote it. Again, this IS an AU story a bit. Please respect that!
Disclaimer: It's after midnight. I don't have anything creative. I'm not J.K. Rowling.
Kisses on the Balcony
By ByeByeBirdie
Chapter 26: Of Girl Codes, Global Warming, & Strippers
Riley ignored the idea of Kristina and Zach together. Lily was right: it shouldn't be something Riley had to worry about. Besides, she had Rhett now to take her mind off of all of the complicated things in her life. She smiled at the very thought, a smile that lasted the whole way back to her common room. And then everything changed.
She was heading up the stairs when she heard the portrait hole open. Glancing over, she watched Sirius walk through. She hesitated, but turned back around to head up to her room.
Sirius bit down on his lip. "Riley, stop," he pleaded.
She hesitated on the stairs and against her better judgment, turned around to face him. "Why?"
He frowned. "Because I-I don't want to do this anymore," he said softly.
Her gaze grew puzzled."Do what anymore?"
He sighed. "Play this cat-and-mouse game with each other."
She frowned. "Why are you always so convinced that you and I are playing games with each other?"
"Besides the fact that we are?" he argued, shooting her a look. "One minute, we're together. The next, I'm with Rachael. Suddenly, you're with Rhett. None of it makes sense."
"It's not supposed to make sense."
He stared at her in bewilderment, hesitation filling his grey eyes. "Riley," he said slowly, the sound of her name on his tongue resounding throughout the room, "Is it possible for us to just be friends?"
Riley's heart skipped a beat, her eyes widening in confusion. "No, I don't think that's possible."
He hung his head shamefully.
"Sorry," she muttered. She started heading up the stairs when she heard her name. She hesitated, but turned back around to be greeted with Sirius' pleading look.
"I'm sorry, Riley."
The words threw her for a loop. An apology wasn't something she knew how to deal with from him. She was so used to him being frustrated with her and vice versa. She was under the impression that he didn't feel bad for what happened. That he had gone back to Rachael because it made sense given the situation. She didn't expect him to be apologetic after the way they've been talking to each other. Frustration she could handle. But the remorseful side of Sirius wasn't something she was equipped to dealing with at the moment. "Sorry isn't going to change anything."
"I know," he spoke evenly. "But I thought you deserved that much from me."
She blinked, her throat suddenly growing quite dry. "I can't be your friend right now, Sirius," she muttered. "Too much has happened between us. Why do you even want to be friends?"
He frowned hesitantly. He wasn't about to admit that his life didn't feel complete without her in it. "Look, despite everything that's happened between us, I still care about you. I don't want to hate you or hold a grudge or-"
"You don't want to hate me?" she repeated coolly. "What the hell did I do that could possibly make you hate me?"
Slight frustration flickered in his eyes. "You broke up with me under false pretenses, that's what."
Her hands clenched at her sides. "You broke us up, Sirius, not me."
He shook his head. "No, I gave you a reason to break up with me. But that was all your doing."
She glared at him. "And you really think the two of us can be friends?" she snapped, spinning on her heels and storming up the stairs.
She froze at the next question that came barreling out of his mouth.
"Did you love me?"
She didn't turn around right away, letting the question linger awkwardly in the air. As she contemplated what to say, she slowly turned back around to face him. "I didn't answer that question when James asked me on Friday. I didn't answer it when Lily asked me on Saturday. I didn't answer that question when James asked me again during detention and I didn't answer that question when Rhett asked me last night. Do you really think I'm going to answer you?"
Sirius didn't reply, a lump forming in his throat.
She sighed and looked back down at her hands. "No, Sirius, I didn't," she responded.
His heart sunk. He was expecting them. She never would have admitted to him had she did love him. Hell, she never would have admitted it to herself. But the bluntness within the sincerity of her words still made his heart ache.
"I'm sorry if that wasn't the answer you were looking for," she whispered sincerely. She quickly turned back around and headed up the stairs without another interruption.
She didn't hear Sirius' next words because she was already out of earshot.
"I miss you, Riley."
Everybody in school could feel the tension. Although Riley, James, and Sirius managed to avoid each other, it was almost worse than if they had chewed each other out. James and Riley had been friends ever since they arrived at school and James and Sirius were inseparable since the day they met. To see them ignoring each other as if they were merely acquaintances made everyone feel a little uncomfortable. And when it was obvious that Rhett and Riley had something going on, the relationship between Sirius and Riley became even more of a mystery. Rumor was their so-called relationship was all a lie. Which actually made Riley happy. If people thought it never happened, maybe she'd start believing it herself.
"Well you certainly are a hard person to find," Lily greeted Riley, slipping into the bench at the Gryffindor table opposite Riley Wednesday during dinner, only five days after the whole James' blurt-out fiasco. Which meant it was still buzzing around the school.
Riley glanced up from her notes, a a piece of biscuit halfway to her mouth. "What do you mean? I'm around."
"You seem to be around with Rhett a lot lately and not so much with me and Kay."
Riley glanced at Lily curiously. "Are you annoyed by that?"
Lily shook her head. "No. I like you and Rhett together. I'm just saying I haven't seen much of you in the past week."
"Well that might be because I'd rather not run into you-know-who and if I'm hanging out with you, there's a good possibility of that happening," Riley pointed out.
"Who's you-know-who? James? Or Sirius? Voldemort?"
Riley rolled her eyes. "James and Sirius. Though I wouldn't want to particularly run into Voldemort either." Riley returned to her notes, studying for the Potions exam they were going to be given the next day.
"So, how are things with Rhett?" Lily asked tensely.
Riley smiled. "They're going really well. I really like him, Lily," she urged. "He just...every time I think about him, he makes me smile. And yes, I realize that is such a cliche."
Lily nodded, pulling out her own books from her bag. She poured herself some pumpkin juice. "Sometimes a cliche can be nice."
Riley made a face. "Oh, dear Merlin. You've been spending too much time in La La Land if you really just said that."
Lily rolled her eyes. "If by La La Land you mean James, then yeah. I have. And I'm happy."
Riley found herself smiling, though just the reminder of James was enough to send sadness to her heart. "I'm happy, too, Lily," she pointed out.
Lily looked at her curiously.
"I am," Riley urged, recognizing hesitation in her friend's gaze. "Is that so hard for you to believe?"
Lily sighed. "I saw how you were on Saturday. I just want to be sure you're okay."
"I'm okay," she reassured with a shrug. "Really. I am."
Lily couldn't be sure that it wasn't just all an act but she smiled. "I'm glad that you're happy, Riley."
Riley gazed back down towards her notes, signaling the end of their conversation.
Lily nodded and slowly pulled out a quill apprehensively, anticipating her next question. "So…you know whose birthday is tomorrow?" she asked, reaching for her goblet.
Riley stiffened.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"James," she murmured. Of course she knew whose birthday it was. She and the guys had gotten together for the past six years to plan the biggest birthday bash ever seen at Hogwarts. They were constantly trying to top the previous year's birthday and every year, they did. It was the one time she and Sirius put aside their differences to give their best friend the best birthday ever. Even though James' birthday was exactly a week after Sirius, they never partied together. They both enjoyed having separate celebrated birthdays and had kept it that way since their first year.
"I have a good feeling you won't be planning the party this year, am I correct?" Lily continued.
Riley shook her head hesitantly. "What do you think?"
Lily nodded gloomily. "Which means that I will probably be planning it with Remus. And let's face it—neither one of us know James as well as you and Sirius do."
Riley glanced up at her friend, confused. "So what are you trying to say? Because I'm not helping you plan a party for him."
"I don't expect you to help. I don't even expect you to come. I was just wondering—would it be better to plan a party? Or should I just nix that idea and…and take him into Hogsmeade for his birthday. Just the two of us."
Riley remained silent. James had had a party for the past six years. If she and Sirius weren't going to be there, it almost felt worthless. He'd notice the disappearance. "The latter."
Lily knew she was going to say that. "Okay."
"Who first created the Felix Felicis potion?" Riley asked.
The topic of James' birthday was finished.
Lily sighed. "Riley, can I say something?"
Riley gazed up at her friend irritably. "I'd prefer it if you didn't. I have a good feeling what you want to say."
"I know a little thing or two about having your blood boil because of James Potter," she stated matter-of-factly, ignoring Riley's request. "Believe me, I've been on the receiving end of his insults and arguments and yelling matches one too many times."
"This isn't about insults or arguments or yelling matches," Riley retaliated with a growl. "This is about betrayal."
"And I even know a little thing or two about that," she sighed.
Riley rolled her eyes.
"Before Christmas this past year, no one knew about my...my orphan situation," she murmured. "Sirius stumbled across the information...mostly because he was being extremely nosy and just plain petulant, but he ended up telling the guys."
"Are you going anywhere with this? I have Potions to study for," Riley said coldly.
"Remember the fist fight James and I had?"
"No, I wasn't there," Riley snickered. "And I am still cursing myself for going home for the break."
Lily cracked a smile. "Well, as you can kinda figure out by the fist fight, we had just about had it with each other. We just...we couldn't deal with each other anymore. We fought, we were stopped by Remus, Sirius, and Peter, we continued to yell at each other and I blamed his family for having him remain at Hogwarts over the break and he suddenly screamed out that at least he had a family."
Riley's eyebrow quirked upward in shock. "He said what?"
"Yeah,"she muttered. "It hurt, Riley. It...it really stung. Betrayal and James Potter unfortunately have happened a few times over the years."
"But technically wasn't that Sirius who betrayed you?" Riley muttered, ignoring her friend's clear uncomfortableness. "Which, again, I might know a little something about."
"Yes, Sirius betrayed me. But so did James by blurting it out as if it wasn't a big deal," she continued. "But look at us now. We're all friends."
Riley didn't respond.
"Friendships are hard, Riley. You have to work to keep them in tact," Lily explained. "The question you have to ask yourself is, are you willing to work for it? Do you want to work for it?"
"You knew the guy for six years, Lily," Riley retaliated, shaking her head. "And you hated him for six years. So he betrayed you? Big deal. He wasn't the guy you grew up with. He wasn't the guy who shimmied up the oak tree and climbed into your bedroom window on nights when you needed him most. He wasn't the guy who taught you how to defend yourself in front of the bullies on the street. You didn't play Quidditch with his family. You didn't trust your deepest and darkest secrets with the guy over eighteen years no matter how small or big the secret was. He wasn't the guy who...who you called your best friend for eighteen years." Riley turned away from Lily's scrutinizing stare. "And I really don't think it's fair for everyone to believe that it can just take one heart-to-heart to fix what he did."
Lily gazed at her friend. Riley quickly turned away, biting down on the inside of her cheek with a defeated sigh. Lily sighed, nodded curtly. "Okay."
"Okay?"
Lily shrugged. She could see in Riley's eyes how much she hated not speaking to her two best friends. But Lily could also see that Riley was hurt by both their actions. She wasn't ready to forgive either one of them. Eventually, she would work for it. But not now. "Yeah," Lily said simply. "I get it."
Riley smiled warily. "Thanks."
They both stopped discussing Sirius and James and chose to focus on their work.
"Hey guys."
Riley tensed up at the sound of Sirius' voice. She threw her notes into her bag and quickly chucked the biscuit back on to her plate. "Bye guys."
Sirius sighed and took Riley's seat as she quickly ran off. He placed his head in his hands sullenly, grabbing Riley's half-eaten biscuit, trying hard not to watch her walk away with very little success.
"How's Rachael?" Lily asked lightly.
Sirius glanced up briefly before looking back towards the entrance of the Great Hall where Riley just disappeared out of. "Huh?"
"Rachael? You know, your girlfriend? How is she?"
"Oh. Good. Fine. Yeah."
Lily didn't think he sounded convincing. "What's going on with you and Riley?"
He snapped his head in her direction. "Uh, nothing. Have you not noticed the whole avoiding-each-other process we've been going through?"
Lily smiled as he turned his head back towards the entrance way. "Then why are you still staring after her even though she's gone?"
Sirius slowly turned back to look at her. "Why must you be so perceptive?"
"I'm James' girlfriend and he doesn't like to spell out his feelings all too much. It comes with the territory. And you're avoiding the question."
"Nothing's going on," he murmured with a shrug. "Drop it, please."
Lily sighed. "Fine," she said, shaking her head defeatedly. "James' birthday is on Thursday."
Sirius laughed. "Oh man, let's see how many people who blacklisted me you can mention within a span of two minutes."
Lily shrugged. "I was just saying that-"
"I know what you were saying, but why bother? You know I'm not planning on doing anything for his birthday. He doesn't deserve it."
"He threw you a party even though he wasn't happy with you at the time. He's your best friend, Si-"
"James Potter is no friend of mine. My friends don't completely tell the whole school the private details of my personal life."
"You're just mad because now you have to deal with it," Lily shot back. "Before, you could ignore the fact that you and Riley were over. Now, you actually have to acknowledge it."
Sirius was getting tired of people assuming that. "Or I could just ignore the whole thing," he lied.
Lily rolled her eyes. "It's not something you can ignore."
"Sure I can," he lied.
"You're in denial."
"What, so now it's your turn to confess your opinion on my present situation?" Sirius snarled, giving her a look. "I've gotten enough of that, thank you very much. What I could use right now is someone who realizes that for once, I don't want to talk about her."
"I don't know enough to form an opinion, Sirius," Lily responded coldly, giving him an irritated look.
"Look, I didn't come here to discuss this, okay? I just want to...to forget about it for at least a few minutes? Is that so hard to believe?"
She shook her head. "No," she admitted with a sigh. "Riley will come around," Lily said as an afterthought.
He thought back to his previous encounters with her. "Who cares if she does or not?" Sirius mumbled. "I'm done dealing with her."
"Then why did you tell her you wanted to be friends?"
Sirius hesitated. "Well…" he muttered, scrunching his nose, "because I didn't know you knew that."
Lily smiled lopsidedly.
"That was my way of showing her I could be the bigger person!" Sirius explained. "Considering she was the one who ruined everything."
"Er, not to sound totally vicious and subjective, but didn't you technically ruin everything by kissing Rachael?"
"I didn't kiss her! She kissed me!" Sirius cried out, frustrated.
"Well, I know that, but that doesn't mean that that she wasn't-"
"Wait, what? How did you know that?" Sirius interrupted, confused. "Did Riley actually tell you that-"
"No, I was there in the library that day. While I was gathering up my things, I saw you two out of the corner of my eye."
Sirius stiffened, staring at Lily with an intense look of determination. He felt his heart begin to race slowly. He cleared his throat. "Lily," he said pointedly.
"What?"
"How did Riley find out?"
"Heh?"
"That's the one thing I have been trying to figure out since Thursday night," Sirius said hesitantly.
"What is?"
"How Riley found out about Rachael kissing me," Sirius murmured.
Lily froze, replaying the events of Thursday night in her mind. "Oh no," she whispered, shutting her eyes tightly.
Sirius' eyes grew wide in horror. "Oh my God, it was you!"
"How the hell was I supposed to know you two were together!?" Lily cried out desperately, giving Sirius a pleading look. "I wouldn't have said anything if I knew."
"You wouldn't have?"
Lily hesitated. "Okay, maybe I would have, but only because of the girl code!" she explained hastily with a sheepish grin.
Sirius raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "The girl code?" he repeated dryly.
"Yes, girls are supposed to tell each other everything even if the person might not like to hear it."
Sirius snorted. "Oh yeah? So girls are supposed to tell each other when they are secretly dating the Casanova of the school? And girls are supposed to tell each other when they're dating one of their brothers? And girls are supposed to tell each other when their parents died and they're an orphan?"
Lily glared at him. "That is not fair."
"I'm thinking your girl code is a sham," Sirius snapped, grunting angrily.
"And I'm thinking that you're getting angry at me when you should really be getting angry at yourself," Lily barked, glaring at him. "This is not my fault. Maybe you shouldn't have been with Rachael that night in the first place! Don't you think you should have been spending your birthday with your girlfriend?"
Sirius grunted. "You play dirty!"
"You played dirty first!"
"No, you did by telling my girlfriend that some girl was making out with me!"
"I didn't know she was your girlfriend!" Lily argued.
"And I didn't know you were such a bad friend!" Sirius growled, quickly thrusting the rest of the biscuit into his mouth and standing up from the table.
She snorted. "And you're a bad boyfriend for running off to Rachael so quickly after your break-up with Riley."
Sirius reached over and threw Lily's pumpkin juice into her face. "I have always wanted to do that, and I'm so glad you gave me the opportunity." He quickly stormed out of the Great Hall.
Lily coughed, wiping away the juice from her eyes. "Pleasure is all mine," she muttered sarcastically.
Sirius stormed into his bedroom, falling back against his bed with an aggravated grunt. "Why are all girls so horrible?"
Remus and Peter exchanged confused look. Remus shrugged. "I'll take this one," he muttered reluctantly, turning to Sirius. "What girls are horrible?"
"Every single one of them!"
"Hm…yeah, I'm gonna need more specifics."
Sirius sat up abruptly, irritability flashing across his eyes. "This is all Lily's fault. Everything that's gone wrong lately is her fault!"
"I don't really think you can blame her for everything. I'm pretty sure she's not at fault for that whole global warming situation."
Sirius glared at him.
"But we can talk about global warming later," Remus said sheepishly.
"Or never," Peter snorted.
"I wouldn't be surprised if the girl was messing with global warming," Sirius grunted. "She's the devil. The devil, I tell you!"
"Really? The devil?" Remus said with a look of curiosity. "I never pictured the devil so hot. Then again, her red hair should have tipped us-"
"Seriously?" Sirius interrupted, frustrated. "You going to come back with a joke every time? Because if so, I can always leave."
"And that's supposed to stop me from making jokes?" Remus snickered.
"Fine! I'll go discuss this with someone else!"
Remus snorted. "Like who? Riley? James?"
Sirius scowled. "Do you want to be next on my list?"
"Do you actually have a list? Because I wouldn't be surprised with all of your friends dropping like flies lately," Remus said, shrugging innocently. He grinned wickedly. "Man, I'm on fire tonight with the jokes."
"Congrats. With all of that fire, you can join Lily in hell."
Remus opened his mouth to retort, but quickly shut it with a sigh. "Dammit, I have nothing. I'm out."
"Good, can we move on to insulting Miss Evans now?"
Remus shrugged. "Yeah, okay. I have no more jokes so I might as well use up some insults I have in me," he explained with a nod. "So, why are we insulting Lily?"
"She was the one who blurted out to Riley about Rachael kissing me!"
Remus and Peter exchanged a blank look.
Sirius stared at them, exasperated. "Uh, hello? Did you hear me!?"
"Well…yes," Remus said slowly, darting his eyes away from an irate Sirius. "But why does that mean we have to insult Lily? Lily didn't know at the time that you were dating Riley. She didn't know she was doing anything wrong by telling Riley. If anything, this is just your fault for not telling her sooner."
"Oh, sure, take her side," Sirius grumbled, flopping back on to his bed with an aggravated grunt.
"I'm not taking anyone's side, I'm just…" Remus trailed off. "I don't really think you can blame her for, to use your words, 'ruining everything.'"
"Sure I can!" Sirius argued, staring up at the ceiling. "I might still be with Riley if-"
"No, you wouldn't!" both Peter and Remus snorted, bursting into laughter.
Sirius lifted himself slowly off his bed to glare at his two friends. "I'm sorry, but pray tell, why are you finding so much amusement out of my break-up with Riley?"
"Rachael kissed you in a library knowing perfectly well that there would be tons of people around to see her kissing you. I'm sure she expected and wanted this to get back to Riley," Remus pointed out. "This definitely would have been discussed through the rumor mill. Riley would have found out soon enough."
Sirius made a face. "Stop being so logical and start insulting Lily."
"Sorry, mate, you're on your own," Remus said, shrugging. "I don't think you're really all that mad at Lily."
"No, I am. I definitely am. I threw a glass of pumpkin juice in her face."
"That doesn't mean anything. You have always wanted to do that," Peter chimed in with a snort.
Sirius grinned. "And it was worth the wait. I need to get mad at people more often."
Remus sighed, rolling his eyes. "I'm assuming you've already got that one covered."
Sirius scowled, crossing his arms impatiently. "Okay, do we need to go over the rules again?" he whined. "This is insulting Lily time! If you're not here to insult Lily, you can leave!"
"Well…er…actually, we were here first," Peter pointed out sheepishly.
Sirius stared at Peter with a sour frown. "Then I better hear an insult about Lily Evans shortly."
"Padfoot, I think you just got mad at Lily because you want someone to be mad at," Remus chimed in, ignoring Sirius' request. "Truth is, you're not as mad at Riley as you want to be. As you feel you should be. You just…you don't know how to be mad at her."
"Hm, yeah, I'm pretty sure that wasn't an insult of Lily Evans, but thanks for playing," Sirius replied sardonically. "And I do know how to be mad at Riley. Believe me, it's not that difficult considering this whole break-up is her fault," he muttered irritably.
"I thought it was Lily's," Remus said dryly.
Sirius hesitated, scoffing slightly. "Well…uh...yeah. It…it is. It's both of their faults!" he stuttered.
Remus sighed. "Sirius, did you ever think that you're really just mad at yourself and trying to place blame on anyone else to keep yourself admitting it? That maybe you're pissed at yourself for how everything went down but it's a hell of a lot easier accusing everyone else for your break up?"
"What? That…that is just...just so not…not true!" Sirius sputtered.
Remus lifted an eyebrow. "Isn't it?"
Sirius turned his glare away from Remus, pondering the statement briefly. "Fine, it's not Lily's fault. But it's not my fault, either."
"Sirius, you just-"
"But I still think it's Riley's fault!" Sirius cried out with an exasperated look. He wanted so badly to be angry with Riley and maybe if he convinced others, he'd eventually convince himself. He exhaled giddily with a satisfied smile, quickly getting up off his bed and strutting towards the door. "Thanks, Remus. That helped." He whisked through the door and out of the room before Remus or Peter had the chance to dispute.
Remus groaned. "It's like talking to a sock."
Peter shrugged. "No," he said. "Socks have more brain power."
"If Sirius wants to go ahead and try to blame anyone else but himself, that's his deal. It will come back to bite him in the ass later."
Peter nodded in agreement. "Where, naturally, we will have to hear all about it."
"I'm thinking the Sorting Hat should have put me in Hufflepuff," Remus muttered.
"I wish I was a Squib."
Lily was trying to do long division in her head while going over all of the houses' point tallies when a shadow cast over her files. "Hey, Lily."
Lily tensed, knowing who the voice belonged to. "What the hell do you want, Zach?" she sneered.
Zach Hamilton took a seat across from her. "I just-"
"I don't believe that was an invitation for you to sit down at my table," she responded dryly.
Zach rolled his eyes. "What are you up to?"
She gazed at him bitterly. "It's a little thing called work and responsibilities. Now, I know that those are two concepts you'll never begin to understand, but I would hope that seven years at this school would at least give you the knowledge to recognize when work is being done."
"What did I ever do to you?" he asked, frustrated.
Lily slammed down her quill long enough to glare at him. "Did you seriously just ask me that question?" she scowled. "You went behind my best friend's back and cheated on her with nearly five other girls in only the eight weeks that you were even dating her. She thought you were different and turns out, you're like every other guy on this planet."
"Yeah, including James," he snorted.
Lily tensed up. "Don't you dare turn this around on him. He-"
"Well, why the hell not? I believe he cheated on Kristina twice with you, am I right? And I believe in the first six years here at Hogwarts, he was prone to sleeping around, even if that meant hurting other girls in the process."
"This coming from the biggest cheater and liar on the face of the planet."
"I'm just saying that if you want to go ahead and insult me for my relationship and commitment choices, I do believe you should be targeting those insults towards your own boyfriend."
Lily rolled her eyes.
"You've seemed to forgiven him for his past. But can people really change?" Zach snorted, quickly getting up off the chair.
"You can't."
"Yet, James can?" he pointed out. "Don't come crying to me when he finds someone better to go after, Miss Lily Evans."
"I don't believe I'll ever come crying to you, Zach Hamilton," she sneered. "Now get out of my sight before I choose to throw you out of the library."
Zach rolled his eyes and began to walk away. "I hope you enjoy your bound-to-fail relationship."
He was already out of earshot by the time Lily's rage calmed down. She let out an aggravated sigh. "That guy is such an prick."
"Whoa, nice language there, Head Girl," a familiar voice from behind her said as he placed a kiss on the nape of her neck.
She stiffened. "Hey, James. Do you think people can change?"
He gave her a confused look, slowly taking a seat where Zach just happened to be sitting minutes earlier. "Give me a few seconds before you dive into the impossible questions, will you?" he snickered.
She shrugged. "Answer the question."
"Yes, I do think people can change," he responded. "If they have the will and maturity to do so."
Lily quirked an inquisitive eyebrow.
James laughed. "There are good people and bad people in this world, Lily. Let's take Voldemort for example. Never in his life did he have a single thought that he could one day become a better person. He was born evil and will remain that way. On the other hand, let's take Sirius. For years, he was this suave, charming, go-getting Casanova. But when someone came along that made him want to change all of his womanizing qualities, he knew it was time to grow up."
"Yet he's back with Rachael."
James hesitated. "Okay, so there's a slight flaw in that change."
"Which just goes to prove that maybe people can't change," she murmured sullenly.
"Let's take another example of Sirius," he slowly said. "He was in a family of Dark Arts supporters. They all worship Voldemort and he was on that same path. But he changed when he came to Hogwarts. He knew he could be somebody else. Somebody better."
"Yeah," Lily murmured. "I guess."
James gazed at her, sensing uncertainty. "Where is this question coming from?"
Lily frowned. "Zach Hamilton stopped by my table."
James groaned. "Oh, God, and something he said to you stuck in your craw?"
Lily snorted. "Stuck in my craw?"
"Bigger issues at hand here, Lils," he teased. "If you want to talk about evil immature guys who will never change, Zach Hamilton is certainly one of those."
"And you?" she blurted out.
"And me?" James asked, taken aback. He stared at Lily curiously before realization dawned on him. "Wait, is that what this is about? Zach doesn't think I can change?"
Lily shrugged. "It might have come up."
"Well, Lily, what do you think?" he asked bitterly. "You hated me for six years and yet, here we are in a relationship. Are you going to let Zach convince you that our relationship is some sort of mistake?"
She could tell he wasn't happy with her accusation. She shook her head. "No, I'm not saying that at all. I am saying that Sirius found someone who made him want to change all of his womanizing qualities, kind of like I did for you, yet what happens when someone better comes along? Like a girl named Rachael?"
James made a face. "Ew, I would never date Rachael."
Lily gave him a look. "So not my point."
He shrugged, leaning back in his chair with a hurt expression on his face. "Well, what is your point, Lily?" he asked irritably. "That one day I'm going to…to cheat on you? Because you've mentioned this concern before. If you're really worried about it, then why the hell don't you just break up with me and get it over with."
Lily cringed. She could tell that she took this subject of change too far. She quickly reached for his hand and was grateful when he didn't retract it. "No, James, I don't think you'll cheat on me. I really do think you have changed or else I wouldn't be with you today. I…I just wanted to know if you thought you've changed."
James squeezed her hand, smiling shyly. "I don't think I've changed," he contested, ignoring her confused look. "I know that I've changed, Lily. Like Sirius, I learned to grow up. The difference between me and Sirius is that I never, ever will give you a reason not to trust me."
She smiled warmly, suddenly thinking that their whole conversation was useless. "Next question," she said hesitantly. "Do you think Sirius has changed?"
James slowly sat back in his chair with a frown. "I-I don't know," he murmured.
"Mm."
"Mm?"
Lily shrugged. "Just 'Mm.'"
"There's more to that 'Mm.'"
Lily hesitated. "I think Riley gave him the will and maturity to want to change."
James made a face. "You totally just used my words against me," he muttered.
"Yep."
James sighed. "I don't want to talk about this right now."
"Okay."
He looked slightly taken aback. "Really?"
She smiled at him suggestively. "Let's just talk about you and me."
His eyebrow arched slowly. "Oh yeah?"
"And these prefect reports."
He pouted. "Not what I had in mind."
She grinned, handing him a stack of papers. "Start counting, baby."
"You are so not allowed to say 'baby' when you're talking about prefect paperwork."
"I'll remember that for next time."
James was glad that Lily suggested they spend his birthday just the two of them. He would be too depressed at a party in the Gryffindor common room without his two ex-best friends there. But as glad as he was to spend it with his girlfriend, he couldn't help but feel a little depressed at how much has changed over the past year.
They walked hand in hand through the streets of Hogsmeade that Thursday night, cuddled up close to each other as they watched light snowflakes fall from the sky.
"Do you feel eighteen yet?" Lily asked.
James shook his head. "It doesn't feel much different than seventeen."
"It's funny how that works out," Lily agreed. "You get older every year but when do you really feel that age? When is that change significant?"
James shrugged indifferently. "Who knows?"
Lily glanced up at James' barren face and sighed. She knew he was thinking about Sirius and Riley and the previous birthdays he spent with them. She cracked a smile at the reminder. The Marauders and Riley, sometimes even the Prewett brothers as well, would traipse into Hogsmeade for a night of drunken debauchery with birthday shots and karaoke and Rosmerta would slip them free drinks occasionally. Then they would hightail it back to Hogwarts to continue the party in the Gryffindor common room where Lily would find ample reason to scream at them for making fools out of themselves and for waking up the entire castle.
"I'm sorry, James," she murmured.
"For what?"
"I know this isn't your ideal birthday celebration."
James glanced over at her and forced out a smile. "Lily, I love being here with you," he admitted. "This is much better than pretending I'm enjoying some party."
"But," Lily added with a grin.
"But nothing," he murmured.
"James…" she said leadingly.
James frowned, slowly shrugging. "I-I just miss them. That's all," he muttered.
"I know," Lily said, squeezing his hand.
"Lily, you're my best friend," he said bluntly, intertwining his fingers tightly with hers. "But, and please don't take any offense to this, you've only been my best friend for, like, eleven weeks. Riley was my best friend for eighteen years. Sirius, almost seven."
"I'm not trying to replace them," Lily quickly added.
"I know you aren't. And that is part of what makes you so wonderful," James said, kissing her on the cheek politely. "And you're doing an amazing job making my birthday feel special. However…" he trailed off and sighed. "My birthday doesn't feel right without them. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," she quickly defended. "I knew this was nothing compared to the previous years. And I know they're your best friends and they have been for far longer than I have. I get that tonight is different without them. But this is why I brought you into Hogsmeade. Because I wanted to make sure you still had a great birthday even though…" she trailed off.
"They're no longer around," he murmured, finishing her thought.
"They'll come around," Lily urged, giving him a stern look.
James hesitated. "Or maybe I just have to be the one to come around first."
Lily gazed up at him inquisitively.
He sighed. "I'm being the stubborn and selfish one, aren't I?"
Lily didn't say anything.
"I can tell by your silence, you agree."
"I didn't say anything."
"Yes I know," James said, winking at her. "And when you don't say anything, that means you don't plan on arguing."
Lily made a face. "You know me too well."
He shrugged. "Maybe I am being selfish and stubborn. But...but I've devoted my time to staying away from them. They both seriously hate me at the moment and I'd rather wait for it to blow over before intervening."
"They don't hate you. They just don't particularly like you," Lily mused.
"Gee, when you put it that way."
"Alas, she is throwing darts at a picture of your face."
James groaned. "Of course she is."
"Don't worry, it's not as bad as it sounds," Lily promised.
"Oh really? How is that not as bad as it sounds?"
"She has terrible aim so she's actually just nicking the wall and missing your head completely."
James laughed. "Oh gee, that makes me feel so good," he teased. He shook his head and turned to Lily with a smile. "Okay, let's change the subject. I didn't mean to depress us."
"Well, if it helps, Sirius isn't just not fond of you. He's not fond of me either at the moment. In fact, he threw pumpkin juice in my face last night."
James' jaw dropped. "And you waited an entire day to tell me this!?"
Lily laughed. "To be fair, I probably deserved it."
"Why is he mad at you?"
Lily shrugged curtly. "Turns out, it wasn't Sirius and it wasn't Riley who ruined their relationship. Actually, I'm the one to blame."
James' jaw dropped once again, staring at Lily incredulously. He halted in his footsteps. "Er...come again?"
"I saw Rachael lean over and kiss Sirius that night in the library. I ended up complaining about it that night right before Sirius' surprise party to whoever was standing there. Riley just happened to be there at that time."
James shook his head. "That's not your fault. You didn't know she was dating Sirius."
"That's what I told Sirius!" she cried out, frustrated.
James smiled sympathetically, squeezing her hand. "Lily, he's not really mad at you."
"He threw pumpkin juice in my face."
"Eh, he's always wanted to do that. That doesn't really exhibit anything," James dismissed.
"He called me a bad friend!"
"This coming from a guy who's not speaking to his best friend."
"He dredged up my parents death and me being an orphan!"
James winced. "Okay, maybe he is mad at you."
Lily elbowed him playfully, whimpering lightly. "Oh well, gee, that makes me feel much better."
James wrapped his arm around her shoulders, kissing the side of her forehead. "Lily, he is so glad that he has you to blame for his break-up. This means, he is off the hook."
Lily scoffed. "Well I'm glad he's taking it out on me," she murmured.
"He's just trying to make himself feel better. By putting the blame on you, he doesn't have to think about how he royally screwed up."
"Yeah, I know, but…"
"What?"
"I still feel like I am to blame," Lily murmured.
"You're not, though. Believe me, Riley would have eventually heard about it through the gossip chain. You just happened to be the first one to her."
Lily sighed. "Yeah I guess."
James pouted. "Don't be depressed. It's my birthday! Cheer up!"
"I'm feeling too guilty to cheer up," she whined.
"Well, I think I know a way I can cheer you up," he whispered, drawing her in for a kiss.
She kissed him back, letting the snowflakes dance lightly on their bare faces as theirs lips met in soft passion.
"Thank you," Lily murmured when they pulled apart, resting her head against his chest.
"For what?"
"For being an amazing boyfriend."
"Anything for an amazing girlfriend," James whispered, burying his lips in her snow-covered hair. "Now let's go celebrate my birthday like it was meant to be celebrated," James said eagerly, grabbing on to her hand and leading her towards the Three Broomsticks.
"I am not getting you a stripper," Lily said with a teasing smile.
James pouted. "Well then what's the point to turning eighteen?"
"None really," Lily admitted teasingly.
"Oh great. I have no friends and now I have no stripper," James pouted. "Worst birthday ever."
Lily cocked an eyebrow.
"Then again I have you, so best birthday ever!"
Lily laughed and kissed him again. "C'mon, Rosmerta is saving us a table in the back and welcoming us in from the cold with two hot chocolates."
"Will she strip for me?"
Lily gave him a look. "No. And now I won't be either when we get back to our room."
"Worst birthday ever."
"Well, maybe later I can get Remus in the mood to strip for you," Lily teased.
James made a face as he held the door open for Lily. "Well you've just about turned me off of sexual activity for good."
Lily glanced over her shoulder with a suggestive glint in her eye. "I think I can change your mind about that later." She winked at him as she wandered into the Three Broomsticks.
James quirked an eyebrow and grinned. "Best birthday ever."
A/N: Not much to add. Poor James. He's realizing that perhaps he made a mistake but he knows it's too late now...please review!