Chapter 25
The world was hazy and blue, she was floating underwater, but she was breathing, her mind couldn't comprehend how. There was something in her mouth, shoved down her throat, making her want to gag, but she was breathing. Her wrists felt sore, stinging, tingling with pain. The liquid she was floating in wasn't water; it was thick and viscous, applying pressure all around her. She didn't know where she was, she knew that she was hurt, that was all. Suddenly she felt as though she couldn't breathe, her throat closed up, eyes flew open regardless of the liquid stinging them. The Force began to bubble up in her as her panic grew, fear rising up in her heart, was it all a dream? Was she to be locked back up in her cell, healed so she could be broken again? That idea grabbed her, the ice freezing through her body, but then the Force was there, wreathing her mind with its golden comfort. She relaxed and tensed again. What if they had made a mistake, what it this was her only chance to escape? Her body began to rise out of the bacta tank with no movement of her own. She needed to be ready, ready to fight her way to freedom. Her head came above the level of the fluid and she took stock of her situation, her mind finally collecting the memories she needed. She was not a captive. She would never be a captive a gain. She was a Sith Lord, she had Vader; everything was right in the world.
Sitting on a bench in the med bay, Arden inspected her wrists, they were still red, and there were scars, aged circles where bone had punctured skin. They still hurt as well, though not nearly so badly as before. Experimentally, she rotated them, the stinging would only fuel her power in the Force, she decided not hinder her movement. The bright red lines that cobwebbed around her wrists would remain scars to remind her of her first victory. Still, there was something wrong. She could have been in the bacta tank for much longer, until she had been healed completely, why had she been awoken early? A droid brought her new robes, neatly folded and clean, but before she could put them on, the doors to the med bay hissed open and a tall, regal looking Twi'lek woman walked in. "Who are you?" Arden asked in an unfriendly tone, hands reaching for the slender silver tubes that lay on top of her clothes.
"I am Mistress Amersu, the Emperor sent me to see that you are prepared." She flicked her eyes towards the lightsabers, but didn't look too overly alarmed.
Arden frowned in confusion. "Prepared for what?" It would have been easily to get rid of her had she not been sent by Palpatine, and she seemed to know that.
"The dinner obviously," said the Twi'lek with no small amount of emphasis on the final word.
"What dinner?" She felt the dread begin to grow in her stomach. She would dearly like to know what was going on, but the woman's mind was too well warded to be invaded without damage.
Amersu's patience seemed to be growing thin. "The Emperor is having a dinner, you are to attend."
"Why?" She was in no mood to go to a dinner of any sort; she wanted to test out the training droids in her apartment. Despite asking why, she thought she knew what was happening. Darth Sidious wanted to show her off, which was the last thing that she wanted.
"Come along." The blue-skinned Twi'lek didn't answer her question but instead grabbed her clothes and walked out of the room, leaving Arden to follow angrily in her wake. The pretentious Twi'lek had the nerve to lead Arden to her own apartment and into her bedroom where a hoard of people stood waiting. Her eyes widened in shock. She wanted to leave, or kill them all, but Amersu grabbed her arm, sharp nails digging into her skin and pulled her towards the 'fresher. Arden pulled back angrily, but the Twi'lek was stronger than she looked and soon bullied her into the room.
"What are they all doing here?" Arden was more annoyed than confused, she practically yelled at Amersu, who merely raised one tattooed eyebrow coolly in response.
"Why, they're here to prepare you of course." She would have kept asking questions, if only to annoy the woman, but at that second, the Twi'lek pulled off her sterile, white robe from the bacta tank. Arden shrieked and turned around to punch Amersu, who caught her fist and man-handled her into the shower where she blaster on the water and began to scrub so hard that Arden's skin turned red.
"I can do this myself!" She yelled, trying to pull away, to escape from the tyranny of this servant that she couldn't harm without retribution. Much to her relief, it was over quickly despite her struggles and she was thrust into a soft, white robe.
Arden was pushed from the 'fresher into the main room of her bed room where a chair surrounded by people waited. Within moments, her hair felt as though it were being pulled in every direction possible. Her face was being attacked by at least three separate people who were far too close for comfort. They were all jabbering at her and each other like so many birds. She felt as though she was under siege, attacked on all fronts and resist was all she could do. Arden twisted this way and that, trying to thwart their attempts to do whatever it was that they were doing to her. They fought back swatting her, barraging her with hair curlers that threatened to burn her if she fidgeted too much. In retaliation, she elbowed everybody in reach, lashed out with feet and nails until they were held down and painted. If she had been naive, she would have said that it was torture, but she knew better. It seemed to go on for an eternity, the sun outside crept lower and lower. More and more lights came on, their golden glow ensuring that it would never be dark on Coruscant. It felt as though it were never going to end as her freshly curled hair was pulled up on the top of her head, several strands allowed to fall free, twisting down to her waist. What's happening?" Vader asked; a glimmer of laughter in his voice as she flinched at the people who insisted on poking her. There was tension in his mind, but she was too distracted to remember why. She could deal with it once the assault was over.
I don't know, a diner with the Emperor I'm told. Arden said angrily as her hair was pulled again, forcing g her head backwards.
Better you than me.
Don't mock my pain. She growled, her head snapping back up.
Mistress Amersu looked up at her from where she seemed to be fussing over what she was going to wear and shook her head Her head was pulled down and then it was attacked once more, brushed far off to one side and spayed with so much hairspray that she felt as though she were going to choke on the stuff. This time the Twi'lek nodded and Arden relaxed as sharp nails withdrew from her scalp, tensing again as more hands grabbed at her feet and her hands, drying the fake nails and blood-red pain. Amersu looked up and nodded one more and everyone mercifully stepped backwards. She was looked up and down, cool gaze taking in every detail of her appearance. "It will do." Arden glared right back, wanting nothing more than to make the hateful woman burst into flames. Then she stepped backwards to the rack of clothing that had been brought for her, even from here, Arden could see that there would be nothing that she would like, everything was colorful or covered in gems of looked far too see through to be decent. The dress that was pulled had elements of all three things. She loathed it instantly. It shone like spun silver at the top, fading into a deep blood red at the hem, studding the entire dress were a million tiny crystals that glittered like stars. It looked extremely low cut at the top and flowed out like a river at the bottom. "No," she said with utter conviction, "I am not wearing that, you can't make me." Memories of other garments such as these floated in the back of her mind, of course they had been much shorter and more see through, yet they were woven into black memories of starvation and pain, a time she wanted forgotten, but would not let go so easily.
Mistress Amersu could not be expected understand any of it, Arden fought back anyways as for the second time that day her clothing was forcibly removed and she was being stuffed into the dress despite her protests and her shrieks of anger. When it was done she felt as though she might not be able to breathe, so tight was it around her waist, but the Twi'lek nodded, head-tails bobbing and she knew she would be staying in the surprisingly light-weight dress. Then all of the other people in the room were back to attacking her face, blowing powder and drawing line, brushing her eyelashes, adjusting her hair. They held her still, not allowing her to move an inch as they made sure her makeup was perfect and her lipstick was just so. Shoes were produced, red shoes with heels so tall and thin that they looked as though they might break if any weight was put on them. She was forced into those too and she suddenly felt herself towering over more of the people in the room. Internally, she smiled slightly; perhaps she would wear shoes like this more often if they kept her so far above everyone else.
A mirror was produced and stood in front of her, when the reflection steadied she gasped slightly at what they had done, she looked far older than sixteen, she looked like an adult. Every part of her looked regal and proud from the wings of her eyeliner to her vibrantly red lipstick. Her hair cascaded down one side of her face and down her back in beautiful ringlets. It suddenly seemed as though it might have been worth it after all. She felt like everyone would have to take her seriously now. Arden smiled; she would not be over looked or underestimated. She was a Sith Lord and despite being very far from the traditional outfit, she had never felt more lordly in her life. She felt like she had control of those around her though it had been her at their mercy several seconds before. In his ridiculous dress she felt like a leader instead of a child, she felt like she could be feared instead of mollified. Are you done yet? Vader sounded impatient, tired of waiting and was unhappy about going to a dinner as she was.
Yes, I'm on my way. She lifted her hands and her lightsabers flew into them; she would not leave the room without their weight at her side. The dress seemed to reflect that desire as she noticed the small clips on either side of her hips. Arden left the room without a word, she might not have been able to do what she liked with them, but she certainly wasn't going to thank them or congratulate them on their work They were servants, perhaps important servants, but no more relevant than any of her furniture. She stumbled once or twice on her way through her apartment, unsure of how to walk properly without tumbling forwards onto her face. She walked into the turbo lift and as it descended she tried to work out how to move, pacing back and forth in the tiny space that she was enclosed it. Her feet hurt already and she shuddered to think how they would feel later.
Vader was very impatient. It swirled around him like smoke as he waited at the bottom of the turbo lift. "I'm sorry," Arden said aloud as she walked out into the main entrance hall of Vader's palace.
"What were they doing to you up there?" Arden rolled her eyes, her exasperation matching his.
"Assaulting me."
You do look nice though, he said grudgingly, switching unconsciously to his mental voice. She responded in kind.
I'm still not sure that it was worth it. They began to walk back through the glassed walk way to the dark mass of the Emperor's palace. She felt different than the last time she had walked this way. Before she had been untested, full of unproven confidence, swathed in blood and the reek of death, now she had proved her worth, now she looked the part, now she truly felt a part of the darkness. She was a Sith now, and no one could take that away from her.
Barriss stood next to the ruins of the blown-out diner, head spinning slightly memories not her own dancing through her mind, but whenever she tried to fixate on the, they slipped from her like hands trying to catch smoke. However, she could still recall what she needed; she still had the information if not the context. "He was going to the Orange District." Ferus nodded, and grabbing her arm tightly, pulled her quickly back to the speeder. Then she sensed the danger in the air as well. It manifested itself like an odor, a taste of bitter steel, a smell of corrosion. When they got back into the speeder, he released her arm, her nerves stung and she knew that she was going to have a bruise. Barriss reached out, looking for the source, but Ferus beat her to it again.
"Storm troopers," His voice was so soft that she had to lean in to hear it. "Right behind us."
"Drive," The engine of their speeder sputtered and coughed in protest, filling the air behind them with swirling grey smoke. Ferus tried to start it again, different parts all whining and groaning and then the speeder fell to the ground with a thump that jarred every bone in her body.
"Walk casually," Ferus said unnecessarily as they got out of the speeder, Barriss could feel the Storm Troopers approaching, the danger growing with every step that they took.
"I know what I'm doing," She snapped in a worried undertone as they began to walk arm and arm down the street, affecting an uncaring stride. In hindsight she realized that had been a bad idea, a normal couple would have stayed at the speeder and tried to figure out what was wrong with it. It was too late to go back now however. Her heart was already pounding, her body was preparing to run, every muscle tense with adrenaline. Beside her, she could sense that Ferus was feeling the same way.
"Stop!" But Ferus and Barriss were already running when the cry hit their ears, their limbs moving faster and faster every second as they drew on the Force, running faster than any ordinary human or mirialian could. As one they turned a corner and went down a wet and smelly back alley. Behind them, a clattering of motion and armor suggesting that their pursuers had also broken into a run, Barriss didn't spare the energy to check. They turned another corner, and another, the permacrete back ways all blurring into one. She lost all sense of direction, everything she had focused on running as far away from the blaster and the troopers as she could. Her mind matched it to another scene, a reversed scene where she had been the one running into danger to save the only person she had ever truly cared about. Blind panic fueled her speed even more, the memory looming large as she did her best to block it out. Corner after corner they turned, running until they had left the sounds of pursuit far behind. Only then did Ferus stop running. She almost ran past him in her fear, but he caught her arm and pulled her to a stumbling halt, adding another bruise to her arm. They stood in shaking silence, their panting filling the air.
After an eternity of minutes, Barriss felt as though she might be able to think again. The memory still twisted dangerously at the back of her mind, she could feel its oily blackness, threatening to throw her back in time once more, so she focused whole heartedly on what surrounded them. Water dripped from leaking pipes above and below, the sounds of traffic sounded from above their heads. In the distance echoed faint yells and the sound of discharging blaster, but it was not over them that men died, not this time. Her legs felt as though they had been stabbed with a thousand needles, they stung as well as burned; a fire that shot up through her legs to her sides and to her lungs which felt as though they might explode at any given minute. Her heart was pounding so hard that she could feel it resonating through her entire body. She focused on that for a long time until it faded slightly. When she felt as though she could stand up properly, she looked around, staring at the grey walls and the narrow alley that they had stopped in. Rubbish lay strewn across the dull, cracked ground, feral-looking creatures fought over scraps of food in the shadows that layered the ground. Ferus stood a bit behind her, hands on his hips, ribs moving up and down with each enormous breath. "Do you know where we are?" Barriss asked, trying not to sound too out of breath.
Ferus shook his head, "I have no idea, I wasn't really paying any attention to where we were going."
Barriss ran her fingers through her sweaty hair in frustration. Everything had been going alright until now and now they were lost in the middle of the most complex planet in the galaxy. With a sudden wave of nausea, it hit her, "Ferus," She said slowly, her stomach sinking with trepidation, "Do you have the bag?" She momentarily hated herself for saying anything as she watched his face fall in despair.
"The lightsabers," He said in a soft voice, he opened his mouth again as if he was going to say more, but no words emerged, he just shook his head instead.
"What are we going to do without them?" Barriss inquired, her breathing had returned to normal, but her heart continued to pound. She didn't know how she could ever replace them; there was a hole that had been ripped in her. She had been inseparable from her lightsaber three years ago. It had been as much a part of her as an arm or a leg. She had had it for most of her life, since she was six years old. The longest she had been apart from it was when she had buried it in a false grave. Now it was gone, probably to be melted down. She remembered when she had first made it. 'This weapon will keep you safe, never leave it behind, and never lose it.' And now she had, she had lost it for the first and final time. Luminara would have scolded her, been disappointed in her. The memory launched itself at her without warning, smothering her in its empty despair. Barriss cried out, trying to close it off as the tears rained down her face. Ferus walked over to her, wrapping his warm arms around her and stroking her hair as she shook in his embrace.
"I'm sorry Barriss," his voice was soft and full of sorrow, her fingers dug into his back. She couldn't tell what was real. Was it the scent of blood and the desolation of death or was it strong arms and a rotten-smelling alley. They both felt so real, each a shattered moment of time. Then with a shuddering breath it was over, reality resumed. She had lived past that Hell, she had moved on but she couldn't escape it, it was tied to her and she had no idea how to go about letting it go. Barriss gave a mirthful little laugh that was muted by tears. All her life she had trained to let go, to never form attachments to anyone or anything. She had failed that lesson, that tenant of Knighthood, how could she have grown so close without noticing, without stopping herself? All this led to was pain and more pain. Yoda had been right, they had all been right. It wasn't worth it; to feel broken by the loss of something so fragile as a person or a lightsaber. Could she detach herself? Could she let go of the things she had feared to lose and had lost? All she could do was try, because it felt better to feel nothing at all than this awful loss, than the fear of the memory, borne of attachment to a Master long passed. Barriss reached inside herself, reached into her heart. It was a complicated mess of feelings where it should have been clear-cut reason and logic. The tangled threats of affection and caring were woven deep into the center of her being, a part of her gift with healing. Could she cut it all out? Even as she watched, the threads and snarls grew more complex as Ferus Olin wormed his way into her life and her heart. She shoved herself away from him, hoping to see them wither and die, but they weren't going anywhere.
Was there anything she could get rid of? Her lightsaber, she focused on that, on letting that go. She severed the threads with sharp thoughts as vicious as vibroblades. It's only metal, it is nothing. It hurt to let go, to cut it from her life, but soon enough, it was done. She relaxed as pain disappeared from her mind, replaced by peace and calm. The lightsaber was not enough though, it was a bacta patch on a much larger problem, but for now, it would have to be enough, for now her training had served her well. She could still let go of feelings for something, her small act of removal bolstered her slightly. "We need to find out where we are." Barriss said decisively, looking Ferus whose face was a mixture of sorrow and relief, of gladness and bitterness. She stared for a moment, wondering what fueled his emotions, but with a shake of her head she turned away. Together they walked down the alley towards what might pass for civilization. Various alien-looking animals scattered away from them as Barriss stepped over disgusting piles of rancid garbage and putrescent debris. Her legs still burned from running, but she accepted the pain, letting her body tell her that it was hurting and the sensation diminished somewhat. That was the secret to pain, it wanted to be felt, and when you let it, when you accepted the pain, it didn't hurt so badly. If you denied your pain, forced yourself not to notice, well then it would become all the stronger and it would push back. They stepped from the shadowed back lane onto a grimy looking street far from the glittering towers of the Senate District where they had started their frenzied run. The sun had slid further down towards he horizon and the street lights were turning one once more, individually flickering, the orange bulbs twinkled into life and Barriss sighed in contented relief.
"What is it?" Ferus looked over at her, confusion written in his eyebrows and the wrinkles on his forehead and in the lines of his mouth.
"This is the Orange District, the Force lead us here." Barriss said with some contentment. The lights gave the district its name, once it had had yellow lights like any other part of the city until one night someone had turned them all orange. Whenever they had been replaced with the standard yellow bulbs, they had been mysteriously turned back to orange the next day. At some point, someone had given up fighting with the residents and had left the lights as they were. The uniqueness of the place had stuck and so the name stayed, slowly making its way onto legitimate maps of the city-planet.
"So now we just have to find Dex," Ferus said, making it sound as though it was the easiest task in the world. "We'll have to look by ourselves though," Mild concern drifted into his voice, "If we ask questions to the wrong people we'll be in trouble all over again."
"We had better find him soon as well because we have no credits left." Barriss spoke slowly, doing her best to ensure that it didn't sound as though she were blaming him, it was as much her fault as his that their bag had been left behind. "Let's walk," she said when Ferus didn't respond. Her mind reached outwards slowly, wary of any Dark Siders who would sense her, but she couldn't sense any of them in the Orange District, so it was a matter of sorting, sorting thought the millions of minds that lived and worked and slept where the lights glowed amber. She hoped that she would be able to find Dex. She had already pushed herself today, telemetry did not come without cost, her mind was tired and jittery, playing flashes of memories not hers and dreadful glimpses that were. Ferus walked beside her, feet thumping against the permacrete they walked on. He searched too, both of their minds wandering while their bodies walked the streets, piloting around the various beings, not really paying attention to where they were going. They just searched and searched, all around them were people, faces, beings with lives just as complex and real as theirs, will all of their own dreams and thoughts and plans for a better day.
Barriss dropped them, letting their weight go, stumbling back to the harsh world of reality not punctuated by the stars of sentient minds. She hadn't found him, there were just too many beings and minds to sift through and she was tired. Instead she let Ferus look, trusting that he would find the solution. Sometimes she had trouble remembering that it didn't all rest on her shoulders that her goal was his as well, they were joined by the terrible burden of the promise they had made. She looked over at him, he was looking straight ahead with eyes that weren't seeing the blackening sky nor the transparisteel towers lit with the fading fires of the setting sun. He saw other things, lights that danced deep within the wells of his fathomless brown eyes. With a gasp and a shudder he returned to her, to life. "I think I know where he is," Ferus looked around, trying to fit the real world into the space occupied by souls. "Follow me," She let him grab her hand and dart across the street, narrowly missing speeders whose drivers yelled curses in a thousand tongues. Then they went down the street, around a corner, not running like before, not searching blindly, strolling, hand in hand into the dark of the next alleyway on the planet that never slept.