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Slow, love. Slow.
Severus picked up the small glass vial and rolled it around in his hands. The small snowdrop looked disheveled as it floated inside the clear liquid. He remembered the moment he saw it up at the mountain top with the eagles flying free and the dire need to bring it back to Hermione. This woman, won over his freedom. Something that he would have never thought possible a couple of months ago. Yet….
footsteps…someone is coming up..
…Yet, here he was. In the guest room of Andromeda's house, sitting on the double bed after fixing the duvet and cleaning up as best as he could. Hermione had woken up way earlier and not wanting to disturb him, she took a shower and went downstairs with Andromeda and Teddy who were already up. He appreciated very much that she allowed him the time to rest as much as he could, because he was very tired from driving all day yesterday. He slept way into noon and when he woke up he felt slightly embarrassed to take a shower, even though their guest room had it's own bathroom.
The need to clean himself won over any moral barriers and soon he was freshly dressed, but still sitting at her side of the bed after noticing the small vial peaking out from under a sweater on her open suitcase. Feeling slight remorse for checking on her things, he got rather shocked when he saw his snowdrop carefully kept inside a pretty little vial. Did Hermione value his flower so much that she needed to keep it preserved? That thought made him smile at the small bottle and he didn't even try to hide himself when the door creaked open carefully.
Her soft footfalls entered the room and she came in front of him. He was still looking at the snowdrop when her hand covered his and the vial softly. He gazed up at her "You kept it?" he whispered.
Her hand caressed his softly "Of course".
"I am sorry I took such liberties with your things" he said and his brow creased when he felt an unaccustomed ache in his heart.
She smiled and her hand cupped his cheek "I would have shown it to you eventually". Her finger caressed the roughness of his jawline.
He sighed silently, not understanding what all this was making him feel. Only that it was very strong and consuming. He didn't even know what to tell her. He resulted in showing her instead. He clasped her hand and kissed her palm. As he did, he closed his eyes and tried to identify the tightening on his chest.
"I know…" she whispered and drew him in. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders and she pressed him tightly, making him understand that whatever was going on through his mind, was also affecting her. Still, neither voiced their most inner thoughts. His arms rested on her waist and his fingers caressed the small of her back for a long time.
It was her that spoke again softly, as the animated voice of Teddy was heard from the ground floor "Did you rest well?"
He nodded, not releasing her from his arms, or the vial from his palm "Thank you for giving me the time" he whispered.
"You were so exhausted last night, you fell asleep the moment your head touched the pillow" she said with a gentle smile.
"You expected another epilogue to our night after that kiss under the mistletoe?" he asked and kissed her stomach.
Her muscles tightened under him and she exhaled "Yeah, hope always dies last…" she giggled again and pinched his shoulder blade playfully.
"I aim to please…but sometimes I fail…" he tightened his arms around her.
Then she laughed out loud and cradled him "We have all the time in the world for you to make it up for me, don't worry"
He frowned again and tightened his grip around the small vial "What do you intend to do with the flower?" he returned on what caused his heart to ache.
"I want to find a way to be able to carry it with me all the time…" she murmured and entwined her fingers through his hair. She began massaging his scalp.
Waves of pleasure rolled down his spine at her touch, but he remained silent.
"Severus?" she said after a few quiet moments.
"Mmm?" he murmured.
"I have brought something over for you to take, but I am not sure it's not going to ruin the mood between us" her voice sounded hesitant.
He pulled back and frowned the question, instead of voicing it.
She munched on her lower lip and then as if deciding on some inner debate she pushed back from him and went to her suitcase. She searched for a few moments and then returned with a potion bottle where a bluish liquid was flowing inside, forming bubbles at the slightest movement. She stood in front of him and opened up her palm "You give me back my snowdrop, which you went to great lengths to bring me in the first place…and I give you this"
He frowned in confusion but did the exchange. Before turning his attention to the blue potion, he saw her hand closing tight around the snowdrop and his heart pinched him hard again. Reminding him that there were unresolved emotions boiling down there, that were awoken by her tender treatment to his flower. Feelings that he didn't want to acknowledge at that moment.
"What is this?" he whispered and turned it around in his hands. He had an idea, but he wanted to allow her the space to show him.
She placed the vial carefully on a small zip locked bag and then between her clothes, probably to protect it from breaking and then smiled back at him "I know you may find the idea disturbing, but I had to bring it over…" she said as if that was enough to explain the existence of this small bottle in his hands.
He raised his brows silently.
"I had to try to convince you to take it…" she said and walked back to him. This time she sat next to him and placed her hand above his thigh.
He raised his head in understanding and she hurried to elaborate.
"I made it according to your diagram, even though I felt slightly nettled by my inability to create such perfect potions as you" she said with a low voice, which showed him that she needed a boost on her self confidence.
"…For now…" he whispered and gazed at her steadily.
She smiled and rubbed her cheek "For now" she agreed half heartedly.
"Your mind is too brilliant to be contained by anyone's advice, no matter how prudent. It needs to explore things on it's own" he raised his brow at her testily.
She huffed and her cheeks caught fire "Thank you" she muttered.
"Just try not to explode again…" he added half seriously, half playfully.
"Haven't you had any accidents during your career…? Was it always impeccable?" she sounded hurt.
He signed and pretended to think "Nope…it was impeccable" he said after a moment.
"Severus!" she tightened her hand on his thigh.
His arm wrapped around her shoulder and he pulled her in "I had many accidents, so I am advising from experience. Allow your brilliance the space to explore, but do be careful. People have died from experimenting with magic, it's not uncommon"
"Luna's mom died like that" she whispered and leaned her head on his shoulder.
He nodded "Be careful, but don't try to contain your intellect. It's one of a kind"
"I feel like you are pampering me, beyond true value" she sounded reserved.
He shook his head "I'd never do that"
"Even though we are all over each other?" she caressed his thigh demandingly.
"Especially because of that" he assured her.
She exhaled seemingly soothed by his reassurances "So?" she pointed at her potion that was still cradled in his palm.
"So?" he mimicked her.
"Are you going to take it?"
"Why should I? Give me one good reason and I promise I will swallow it this very moment" he whispered.
"Don't you want your voice back?" she gazed up at him.
He remained thoughtful for a moment and inhaled deeply "I do, but on the other hand this silence has shown me new ways to handle things…." he rebuked.
She pressed her lips and reached up to caress his jaw. Her finger moved above his lips "I want to hear your voice again" she whispered.
He frowned and swallowed hard "You do?"
She wrapped he hand behind his nape and pulled him down to her. She dragged her lips upon his and licked him softly "I want to hear that monumental voice, speaking gently to me. I want to hear it tell me that I am beautiful and worth a trip up to the mountains, just to bring me back a flower in the middle of the winter. I want to hear your deep voice vibrating through my spine when you whisper dirty things to me during the night…." she murmured and opened up her mouth to kiss him deeply.
"Sweet Merlin…" he whispered breathless when after a few moments she pulled back from her sensual kiss.
"Was that a good reason enough for you?" she asked and pecked his lips softly.
"Better than any other" he nodded and felt his heart pounding like crazy. The voices of Teddy and Andromeda stopping him from throwing her back to bed in order to continue what she started.
She smiled knowingly and bit her lip "They are waiting for us downstairs so don't get any dirty little thoughts into your mind"
"Me? Never…" he whispered and kissed her softly.
She pulled back "Will you try it out?" she pointed towards the potion.
His brows furrowed "How many doses will I need to take?"
"Considering the extent of the internal damage I'd say at least four….and even then the results might be ambiguous" she said with a regretful tone.
He nodded "I understand…this is an experiment of some sort"
"I am not using you as a guinea pig….I honestly want to heal you" she said with a small frown and caressed his temple.
His lips turned to a lopsided smile "I know".
He looked at the potion thoughtfully. He wanted to tell her that he was not ready to succumb the obvious pain that was going to come from the rearrangement of the scar tissue inside his throat. He wanted to enjoy his short vacation with her. Not withstand more painful nights and days…but her eyes when she confessed how much she wanted to hear his voice again, stopped him.
"You don't have to do it now…there is going to be some level of discomfort…" she began explaining, but he already knew what he was in for. Better than she did.
He nodded and uncorked the bottle.
"You will take it now?" she sounded hopeful.
He gave her a curt nod and downed her potion with one gulp. The moment it passed from his torn throat, he felt the pain sharp and sudden. He had been expecting it, but he was unable to stop the reaction. He winced and swallowed repetitively in order to clear his throat of that liquid. The need to drink some water was dire "Can I have any water?" he whispered and tried to stop the need to cough.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulder and chest and leaned her head on him "No…it has to start mending the scar tissue around your vocal chords. Can you withstand it? Is the pain too much?"
He shook his head "No, it's ok". He was not lying. The pain was mildly disturbing, but the need to cough was making him very edgy.
"Don't try to use your voice now. You have to take at least a couple of more doses, before your voice begins to return back to normal" she pressed her arms around him.
"I won't" he whispered with a smile. He couldn't even if he wanted to. His throat now felt so painful and sensitive that even whispering was difficult.
"The effects will become less with each dose, ok?" she asked.
He nodded.
She crashed her lips to his ear and murmured "Thank you for doing this for me"
The left side of his body numbed down from goosebumps and he tightened his grip around her waist reassuringly, yet he couldn't but voice his most inner insecurities "How long would you have abided by my silence?"
She frowned "What do you mean?"
"Before you decided that you have had enough?" he whispered feeling his throat burning and pulling him painfully. His eyes watered, but he didn't know if that was because of the pain or because of the fear for her answer.
"Are you seriously asking me such a thing?" she gazed at him angrily.
He frowned silently.
"What's going on through your mind Severus? Do you honestly think that I will let you go, because you cannot talk? I didn't give you the potion in order to upgrade you to higher standards…but because I want to heal you…because I …." she stopped and huffed. Her teeth munched on her lower lip "You sounded pretty stupid right now" she chastised him.
"It was a justified question" he whispered quietly and caressed her side. His fingers curled around her and he drew her in. He planted a soft kiss on the top of her head.
After a moment she exhaled and nodded "I suppose it was, because of the stupid reasons I gave you back there. I don't care even if you never speak to me again…as long as you keep holding me like this" she said and felt her eyes burning. She never meant to make him feel inadequate. She only wanted to help out.
He nodded and planted another soft kiss near her temple.
"I got involved with you, knowing that you can only whisper….that never stopped me…I am only trying to do the best I can for you…do you believe me?" she said and tightened her arms around him.
"I do" he whispered and coughed slightly.
She looked up to him "Is it bothering you a lot?"
He shook his head "It's partly painful, partly itchy. I have an dire urge to cough like crazy"
"Don't! You'll only make it worst" she said imperatively.
"How long until I can drink some water?"
"Give it a quarter of an hour, ok? I'll keep you company as the nuisance settles down" she caressed his stomach and then her hand rested on his belt.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head on hers for a few silent moments. Swallowing often in order to clear up his throat and trying to control the need to cough. The pain was intense, but not something he couldn't easily handle. If he could remain silent through Crucio, then this was a mere inconvenience for him and if it would make her happy he was more than willing to go through it. Did he care so much about having back his voice, if the potion ever managed to bring it back? He used to think that this was so important to him, yet now with Hermione in his arms he rarely thought about his voice anymore. Or about his arm, that was never bleeding since he started using magic. Everything was slowly mending up and it was happening so slowly and discreetly, that he barely ever noticed it.
Before Hermione came into his life, he was always thinking about the loss of his voice, the loss of his freedom, the loss of his magic….and now, a couple of months later, he was partially using his magic again, he had gained some form of freedom and she was trying to offer him back his voice. All that could be attributed to her and that was disconcerting him, because along with his unresolved emotions, all this created something that was barely under his control. It was something that was attaining a life of it's own and he didn't know if Hermione was sharing those feelings with him. He was not ready to ask her, nor pressure her to face something that was so complicated. Hell, he was not ready to do that either.
For now it was enough to just hold her in his arms and feel blessed that she appeared in his life. She was pulling him towards the light slowly and he was willingly following her there. He just didn't know how long that would last, because his life never had a bright halo. His aura was dark, so darkness would draw him back down eventually….
Right?….
He sighed and that alerted her. She opened up her eyes and rubbed her face on his shoulder. A sudden thought came to him as they were sitting there so comfortably and he couldn't but voice it.
"Hermione?"
"Mmm" she murmured and snuggled against him contently.
"Why was your mood so bad yesterday?" he whispered feeling the need to cough lesser and the pain almost gone.
She paused for a brief moment before answering "Yesterday morning, you mean?"
He nodded "Yes"
She sighed and didn't speak for a couple of seconds "Had a disturbing talk with Harry about us" she said finally, probably deciding that she wanted to be completely honest with him.
"I suppose Mr. Potter is not so happy about our situation" he whispered.
She huffed "Harry…uhm…how can I say it without compromising the whole situation…" she paused thoughtfully.
"You are free not to say anything" he reassured her.
She looked at him appreciatively "No, I want to explain. As much as I can…Look, Harry feels like you and him share an invisible bond…so in his opinion, I got in the way"
He inhaled and frowned "I didn't know I was in a relationship with Mr. Potter. Very interesting"
She paused and then laughed "Severus, this is serious"
"Apparently it's not and Mr. Potter is simply delusional. I never shared any special bond with him" he whispered.
"You protected him for seven years"
"Indeed" he gave her a curt nod.
"You sacrificed yourself for him to live…." she clarified.
"In order for Voldemort to die…I must correct you" he pointed out.
"You didn't care if Harry would survive this?" she frowned.
He exhaled "I didn't want the boy to come to any harm of course" he whispered with obvious hesitation. It was clear that he was not talking about all this easily.
"Therefore you do share a bond" she said.
He shook his head "No we don't. For reasons of my own I protected your friend and I was torn between my hate for his father and my love for his mother. After years of protecting him, I ended up caring about his well being. He was not to be held accountable about what his parents passed down onto him, nor for the fact that Voldemort chose him as one of his Horcruxes. He was just a boy, much like Ted is"
"You sound sentimental beyond recognition" she noticed.
"I assure you I am not and this conversation is not easy on me. You asked if I share a bond with Mr. Potter and I answered quite clearly that no I am not. I never did" he said solemnly.
Her shoulders slouched and her lip pouted "Nevertheless Harry thinks you do"
"And he made your life hard for getting in the way…you said so" he squeezed her briefly.
She smiled sadly "Yeah, that's why I seemed distracted at the beginning of the trip" she lied, not wanting to tell him what Harry said about the unsurpassed love that Severus had shown towards his mother all these years. She didn't want to share with him the thorn on her side. She would resolve it slowly, alone, as she observed how he treated her with the passage of time. Although to be fair, he never gave her an indication that Lily was between them. Whenever they were together, he was very tender and loving towards her. He didn't seem distracted and lost in other worlds. So in reality she didn't have a reason to doubt him and listen to Harry's prickly words. Suddenly she felt angry at her best friend again.
"Is there something I can do to alleviate the tension you feel about the situation?" he asked carefully.
She smiled mischievously and her hand caressed his thigh upwards and reached just below his hips. There she squeezed him and bit her lower lip "I can think of a couple of things…."
He appreciated her touch "Behave…So what's the conclusion of the situation with Mr. Potter"
"That he became a judgmental bastard and I had to put him back in place, that's about it. But all that left me rather raw and I took it out on your and Teddy in the car. Forgive me"
"It's ok, Miss Granger" he smirked and tagged her playfully.
She huffed "Are you ready to come downstairs with me? Andromeda has brought a friend over and I feel rather uncomfortable down there all alone"
He stood up and lifted her with him "The very independent and rebellious Hermione Granger, needs a chaperone…" he drawled.
"I need you…next to me…is that so strange?" she asked and looked up to him with a sweet smile.
"I am teasing you" he raised his brow.
"I am not" she rejoined and reached up to kiss him again.
He deepened the kiss and they both got lost touch for a few blissful moments. This time it was he who pulled back and pressed his lips "Are we leaving tonight or tomorrow?"
"I thought about going tomorrow morning. Return the car to my parent's house and then apparate back at Hogwarts for Christmas" she said with a smile and pulled him to the corridor.
He followed her down, but before entering the dining room their hands separated and Hermione check her long hair, making sure that she was presentable. He followed behind and Teddy run up to him.
"Presser Snape, here I saved you a seat!" the boy said and pulled him by the hand.
"Hi Ted, good morning Andromeda" he said politely.
"Good morning Severus, let me introduce to Mr. John Tucker"
Severus shook the man's hand steadily "John, this is Severus Snape a close friend of my family" Andromeda introduced him politely.
"Glad to meet you" the middle aged, tall man said with a smile. His accent sounded a bit off and immediately Severus identified it, as Ted made him sit down next to his chair.
"You too. You are American?" he whispered.
"Indeed I am! From the vast forests and mountains of Montana. Is my accent so obvious?" the chubby, red cheeked happy countenance of the man bespoke of a healthy and pleasant disposition. His hair was yellowish blonde and his forehead wide and proud. He was a bit taller than Severus and that made him close to six foot five.
"It is, as it is also rather colourful" Severus smiled kindly
"What brought you to England?" Hermione asked and sat down on his other side.
"Pleasure at first, business later on and finally I remained. I have been living here for twenty years now. Cannot get rid of the accent though" John said pleasantly.
"You don't need to, it's beautiful" Andromeda said with careful concern and Severus knew immediately what the arrangement between those two was. Well, Andromeda had been a widow for four years. No one should expect her to remain alone forever.
"And your accent is not one hundred percent Oxonian either, Severus!" John pointed out cleverly.
He raised his brow and accepted his tea from Hermione with a curt nod "Very perceptive of you. My father was British, but my mother was Irish. I think her part gave my accent some mild confusion"
"Ireland! Now that's another place I want to go and live in!" John declared and drunk some of his coffee.
Teddy placed before him a plate with some toast and butter. Severus was not in the mood to eat, as his throat felt sensitive, but the need to drink was immediately satisfied as he swallowed some tea. It felt as if it was washing away the remainder of the potion and he felt thankful for that.
"You should visit, it's very picturesque and at certain parts so isolated you think you have turned back in time" he whispered.
Hermione squeezed his thigh under the table and he gazed at her calmly.
"We've waited for you to wake up impatiently" Andromeda said with a smile.
He winced "I am sorry I delayed your plans for the day. Apparently I was very tired"
She waved him off "You are part of our plans, we couldn't go without you"
"What are the plans?" Hermione leaned over with obvious interest.
"Mr. Tucker insists on taking us on a walk through Stone's parks, then maybe we can go into the centre of Stoke On Trent to buy some Christmas gifts…." Andromeda begun.
"YEAH! I want a doll house and a Train Station and a new football and I want new ropes so I can climb trees and ….." Teddy begun counting his fingers.
"You will get one gift from each of us and one from Santa Claus…that's it young man!" Andromeda chastised and then turned to her guests "…then for lunch at The Wayfarer. A lovely walk by the park and maybe a boat ride and then home for dinner. What do you guys think?"
Severus raised his brow and checked on Hermione.
She hesitated "We intended to return early since we are leaving tomorrow morning and we have a long drive to my parent's home"
"Leaving? You cannot leave!" Andromeda frowned.
"What?" Hermione smiled.
"You must remain for Christmas, of course" she sounded dead set. As if she had arranged their plans for them.
"We intended to have Christmas back at Hogwarts" Hermione clarified.
"Bullocks! You pass Christmas there all the time, this time you shall remain with us. Right Teddy?"
"Yes Dromeda!" Teddy clapped.
"I'll drink to that! Would be lovely to get to know you better Severus" John raised his coffee to him in salutation.
"Uhm…I don't know how Severus feels about this arrangement" Hermione said carefully and looked at him.
Her eyes told him that she wanted to remain, but she was afraid what he would say. He was careful how to express himself "I am not used to celebrating Christmas …" he saw her face darkening and he hurried through "…but this time I think I can make an exception, correct?" he gazed down at her quietly.
She smiled and bit her lower lip "Yes, you can…." then she frowned "I mean…are you sure?" she whispered, not wanting to pressure him into anything he was not ready to do.
He nodded "Of course"
Andromeda clapped her hands "That's settled then, you shall remain with us till Christmas. After that, you are free to go wherever your hearts desire"
"We can go for a walk at Caldon Canal Dromeda! I can bring my skateboard and show Presser Snape how to do it!" Teddy chimed in happily.
"I don't think that particular sport was made for me" Severus joined in quietly.
Teddy pouted at him "It is! If you can fly, then you can skateboard!"
Hermione giggled.
Her raised his brow at her.
"What? He's right. You can fly…so what's a mere skateboard to you?" she teased.
"Certain death" he pointed out.
Hermione laughed out loud, but Andromeda's voice made him look to her direction.
"We can go for a picnic in Parkhall Country Park or Central Forest Park, or Queen's Park" Andromeda begun counting her fingers.
"Let's just take it one day at a time, because Severus is going to get a dangerous social overload and I am afraid his systems are going to come crashing down" Hermione teased and checked to see how he was taking it.
He pursed his lips and tasted some tea. When he felt her eyes on him he looked at her with a raised brow, but remained calm and silent.
Hermione's fingers curled around his knee and she squeezed him, then she approached his ear and whispered "Remember how you almost had a total breakdown at that coffee shop in Hogsmeade?"
He frowned upon that memory.
"Look where you are, look how far you've gone…I am proud of you" she said and planted a soft discreet kiss on his cheek. Then she turned to John that was asking them something that Severus couldn't hear because his ears were buzzing heavily. He had gone a long way since that first try to socialise, hadn't he?
"…fly" John said as Severus's hearing returned slowly. That was the only word he heard from the conversation.
Hermione looked at him fleetingly "I don't know how acquainted you are with the magical world"
"I am a squib" John said proudly.
Hermione raised both brows as declaring that one is born to magical parents, but lacks the skill was not something one presented with pride in their world. Then again she was against any discrimination, so her inner sense of justice kicked in and she shaped up rather quickly.
Severus looked up at him with interest but didn't speak.
"Parents were famous wizards back in Montana. They were the founders of Squib Hope, an independent organisation that gathered fundings in order to help Squib children find jobs in the magical world. My mom was a Magical Doctor, my father a MediWizard. Their organisation grew very large and extended outside the borders of Montana. They helped a lot of children find jobs and accumulate themselves inside a magical environment" John sounded justifiably proud.
"Did you work in the magical world?" Hermione asked.
John huffed "Nope, I decided to follow their footsteps only in the muggle world. I am a cardiologist"
"Impressive" Severus admitted.
"Thank you. Took a lot of guts to get out of my comfort zone and out of their protective bubble that Squib Hope had created for me. At the end of the day they were very proud of me and I am pretty much ok. I created my own path in life which was never magical" John said with a simple modesty that Severus appreciated deeply.
"You are an exceptional individual John" Andromeda smiled appreciatively and the blonde giant blushed.
Severus raised his brow and looked at his tea discreetly. Hermione's hand caressed his knee and again he felt so out of place and yet exactly where he belonged. He shook his head trying to understand what was truly making no sense to him.
"Come on, finish your tea everybody, we have a lovely day ahead" Andromeda waved at them happily.
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