It had been a few weeks since Halloween, and Vlad and I had not hashed things out yet. It wasn't like we weren't speaking, but I still felt awkward around him, like he was waiting for me to explain what happened at the party. And since I still hadn't figured it out yet, we were at a standstill.

Although, it bothered me that Vlad would act all hurt that I left him to hang out with Joss, but he could still stare at Meredith everyday. I could care less about that under any other circumstances, but right now I was feeling a bit…conflicted. Unsure, but not at all jealous. Me, jealous? Never.

"I'm telling you, there's no way Stephanie's sister's a better kisser than Stephanie," Joss argued amiably with Henry.

"Hey, we've been talking about this ever since you made out with her two weeks ago, instead of going to detention. Stephanie's great and all, but her sister? Even two years younger…" Henry trailed off.

Joss raised an eyebrow. "Okay, what exactly makes her better?"

Henry grinned. "Tongue."

Even the seniors sitting near us guffawed at that. But for the last few weeks, I had silently fumed, repulsed by their "Hot Girl Debates". And you know what? I was sick of it. I slammed my fist against the table.

"Alright, I've had enough of this. I honestly can't take anymore of your stupid conversations. Save the perverted comments for some place else! Do you forget that I'm a girl, too? That it insults me to hear about how many girls you've kissed and then ditched in the back of the school? It doesn't make you awesome, or cool, or whatever you think you gain out of it. It's wrong, and you should be ashamed of yourselves."

Both their faces fell, and the chortling seniors shut up. I grabbed my water bottle, book, and iPod, and left without a word. After stalking out of the lunchroom I heard footsteps after me. I didn't have to turn around to know it was Vlad. I smiled to myself as he caught up to me, and we continued walking in silence.

It was funny; ever since I came back at the end of the summer, Vlad had been extremely nice to me. Well, nicer, anyway. He would save seats for me at lunch and study hall, shake me awake when I fell asleep during class, even leave positive comments on my crappy FanFiction stories (He wasn't hard to figure out; his anonymous username was "VampireSmileyDude"). I hoped he wasn't trying to make up for last year, because standing in front of that blinding light was my choice, and he needn't feel guilty for it. And I liked to think that he did those things just to be nice, not because he felt he had to.

We walked outside, found a bench, and sat down.

"You didn't have to come," I said.

He shrugged. "You're not the only one that gets tired of those two. They just get caught up in stupid things sometimes."

"I know, but still, it bothers me to think about what they talk about. I mean, what's the point of kissing someone just to compare it to something else? I mean, I thought it was supposed to be…oh, I don't know. Special, I guess."

"Well," he sighed, "I don't know either. It's not like I've ever kissed anyone."

I raised an eyebrow. "Um, are you forgetting Carrie Anderson last year at the Snow Ball?"

"That was more of an assault than a kiss."

I laughed. "Still more action than I ever got."

He looked at me strangely and was quiet for a minute. "But at the party, didn't you and Joss…?"

"NO!" I shouted, a little too defensively, "Nothing like that! I swear, we were just talking. And I felt so horrible when you got into that fight and I wasn't there. I mean, you handled it yourself, but still, I-I should have been there to back you up. It's what friends do."

He gave me a small smile and shook his head. "Vi, you don't have to do anything for me. After what you did last year? I could never ask anything more from you. I'm glad you had fun at the party, and I'm not mad that you left when Eddie showed up."

"But I don't want you to think that you have some quota of niceness to fill because I got myself in trouble last year. That's over and done with. Don't feel like you owe me anything because, truly, I didn't do anything that you wouldn't have done for me. It was nothing, Vlad, a no-brainer."

"No," he argued quietly, "I owe you my life. But what exactly happened after that beam of light hit you?"

Suddenly, all those terrible memories came flooding back to me: the blackness and the pain, but worst of all the nothingness that came first. The utter absence of anything tangible to hold on to, the feeling that nothing mattered enough to fight it. That no one would even care if I didn't. I shuddered, refusing to go back to that place, where nothing was real, nothing even existed. That place where death was so near I could taste it, sense it, and, easily, become it.

I hadn't even realized I was crying until I felt Vlad's arms around me. "I-I can't do it. I can't remember. Don't let me go back there!"

"Vi!" He sounded so distressed. "It's okay! It's okay! You're here with me now. It'll be okay."

I calmed down enough to realize my tears were not helping anything. I quickly covered for myself. "I'm sorry, that night just reminded me of the night my family died. I don't want to think about it." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. I just didn't want Vlad to think I had gone completely schitzo.

"I understand." It was all he needed to say. The concern in his eyes was enough to cover the rest of it.

I collected myself by then. "So, clever change of subject: what did Eddie want?"

Vlad's expression clouded. "Well my eyes turned that freaky purple color and he saw. Now he thinks I'm some kind of monster."

"Oh crap." An overly observant nerd with a high-def camera and a lead on Vlad's secret was seriously the last thing we needed to worry about right now.

"Yeah, but what's the worst thing he could possibly do? How can he make the world believe that I'm a vampire?"

"Half-vampire," I corrected.

"Whatever."

I was kind of a worst-case scenario person, but I decided not to mention the fact that Eddie could easily tie Vlad to a post in broad daylight (without sunscreen) and film my best friend burning to death. I really doubted he wanted to hear that.

"Um, I don't know. I guess we just have to wait for him to get bored with it."

He sighed. "I guess. We better get back to school."

I nodded, and an old worry presented itself again. "Oh, and Vlad?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't do anything stupid. You never know who will stab you in the back."

Haha, like my FanFiction reference?