*Finishes tightening the bolts on outside of indestructible fort* Oh! Hi everyone! *Looks around anxiously* So… Excited for BD next week? Yeah me, too. And Thanksgiving for those of us in the states... *Clears throat nervously* Well, excuse me while I step into my little bit of safety here before you start reading. Hm? Why? Oh, um, uh… No reason. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter in advance, and well… yeah. Kay, bye! *Runs inside and locks door bolts*
*WARNING: This chapter contains violence and blood. Please be cautious if that bothers you.
Last time, on Crown Games: Bella argues with Charlie over Edward's life, and makes a deal to have him banished instead of killed. She finally acknowledges that she loves him, and tells him so when she secretly visits him in the Tower. When she's finally able to make herself go back to her room, she falls asleep and wakes with a strong pain begins to build in her chest and the doctor gives her a strong sedative.
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Chapter 26 – Valediction
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EPOV
The prisoner wagon rocks back and forth as the horses pick up speed, carrying me away from my Bella.
She loves me.
I try not to think of her.
She loves me.
But my mind refuses to let me stop. And is it such a bad thing, now? I reason. To let Bella be the last thought I have before my end? Yes, my mind answers, knowing that if she ever found out…it would destroy her.
She loves me.
I don't want to go. I know she'll be heartbroken. But there's nothing I can do now. It's too late to fix things. Time has finally run out on us, and I can only move forward…
She loves me.
Even with the misery I felt, I couldn't help the happiness of what she had told me. Those three words repeat without pause through the daylight as they lead me away.
Only a moment after Bella left, Jasper stood and collected me.
I could not say how long he had been there on the floor, hidden in the cover of his cloak and silently watching us in the Tower, but I did not let it ruin our time. For whatever reason he did not make his presence known—delaying my execution—and for that I was grateful. Though surely it was for her sake and not my own. Still…
It has been several hours since the guards had angrily shoved me from the palace and into the wagon, no doubt being told of what I had 'done.' I could almost hear their desire to slaughter me quickly for hurting her. The trouble was they didn't know how I had really hurt her. Yet I said nothing, choosing to make it all as simple as possible. Did it really matter that I was being punished for one crime when I had already hurt Bella in so many other ways? I didn't think so. I only worried for the trouble this would bring to her, the attention and scandal of it all.
The ache in my chest is stronger. So much so, that I can't ignore how it grows with each pounding beat of my heart. I wonder if she knows of my absence yet. Can she feel the pain of separation as easily as I do?
.
.
.
More hours have passed.
I feel Jasper's eyes upon me from where he sits in the opposite corner, never allowing his guard down. Though it's pointless now. Killing him wouldn't do any good. Being in my right mind also helps the rationalization. He hasn't spoken a word since we left, yet I know he's waiting for the moment, hoping that I'll give him a reason to kill me sooner rather than later.
Because I am going to die.
Bella thought she had secured my freedom, but I knew better than that. Letting me live is nothing but a liability, one the King cannot afford. It made me angry at first, knowing that I was used as a means to tame her. But I couldn't tell Bella that. Not when it gave her such hope.
She loves me.
I wished I didn't have to lie to her like all the rest. It was for the best, though. Because I understood. I understood that Bella needed to believe I was alive, somewhere, missing and loving her as much as she would me. The only trouble was that she did not understand that death wouldn't stop it. Nothing would make me forget or stop loving her. It was written upon my very soul, as evidenced by the rising pain in my heart.
.
.
.
We have made two stops thus far, letting the men and horses rest, and still we ride. The day has passed slowly and now as the sun sets I wonder where they are taking me, and to what purpose. Surely it didn't matter where I met my end.
"You really do believe you love her. Don't you?"
I am mildly surprised that Jasper bothered to speak to me, let alone ask a question.
He chuckles bitterly. "I guess I should have known. It was fairly obvious how you felt about her. Perhaps it was the reason she thought she cared for you. I cannot see any other design for her to speak such things… "
It was clear that he was waiting for some kind of response, possibly some explanation of it all, but I gave none. I didn't know why Bella loved me, and even if I had, I wouldn't try to account for it. Especially not for Jasper's sake. I didn't owe him anything.
He continued to speak at times, letting a long moment of silence linger after each rambling. I don't care to hear his thoughts or reasonings.
He would never understand what Bella and I had; the connection that ties me to her, the one screaming at me to wrestle my way back to her…
It's almost too much, and I fight to breathe calmly. He says something to me from across the small space, but I'm not listening. It hurts. I can't do this. I have to go back, they have to let me go back…
But I can't. The King made that more than clear…
.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Last Night.
I woke alone in the dark, attempting to move, but realized quickly that I couldn't. My hands had been bound, and the cold, stone floor beneath me was not totally unfamiliar. I'm in the Tower. I struggled to focus my thoughts and what had happened recurs through my mind…
"Is something troubling you, Edward?"
"Are you punishing me?"
"Can't? Or won't?"
"Is this what you want…?"
"Please, Edward."
"That's right, love, beg me . . . You don't know what you're doing, Jasper . . . Should I just kill him now, Bella?"
I sat up, knowing what had happened, what I had done… And it was time to face the consequences.
Silently I waited, wondering if Bella was all right and already knowing she couldn't be. Not after being discovered. It was, perhaps, her greatest fear for us, and I had been too overcome to be cautious.
…The need to have her is yet present. Even now it snakes up my spine and clouds my view. I lick my lips, parched and am suddenly wondering if, no when, I'll taste her again.
I have to get control of myself. In the recesses of my mind I know thinking of her this way is not acceptable, yet for some reason I don't care. She belongs to me, and I want her.
Frustrated hands run through my hair and I'm trying to think clearly.
The chains are painful, rusted metal cutting into the flesh at my wrists, making them sting at times. After a while my arms are so numb that it matters little. Yet, it was not the only physical pain that I endured now as I suffer this abrupt separation from Bella. I need to see her, but I know that would be impossible. Not now.
With sudden fear, I realized then that I probably would never see my Bella again. And I trembled. "No. No no no no no no no…" My voice was barely above a harsh whisper.
It can't be true…
.
.
.
Minutes—hours?—go by and I think I am myself once more. The need for Bella is still strong, but different now. I feel pained, weighed down with mourning, knowing she must be in pain also. I want to hold her, to tell her it will be all right. But it's a lie. Nothing good will come of what has been discovered, of this I am certain. Maybe it is better that I've been removed from her life, no longer a burden to keep hidden.
The sound of voices echo up and into the landing, making me wonder why the King will even bother with seeing me.
Yet, here he now stands, while Jasper and the other guards wait outside the bars, creating the illusion of privacy. Yet, I know they will hear every word.
The King does not speak at first when he stands near the dark corner of my prison, and I make no move to lift my eyes and see what expression he carries. It won't matter.
"I consider myself a reasonable man," he begins, speaking too calmly. "But I find that reason strangely misplaced when I have been betrayed by one of my own. Tell me, Edward," he mocks, "have I selfishly not provided enough for you? Because clearly you feel entitled to things that do not belong to you. I have allowed you food, shelter, comforts that no one of your likelihood would ever hope to dream of. I have given you perhaps the most important employment, against my better judgment; already aware of, what I thought to be, your innocent infatuation with my daughter…
"But that wasn't enough, was it?"
A pause.
"Did she encourage you, Edward?" His tone was now falsely conspiratorial, "I do know how women can be. Leading you on with promises and sweet words… Causing you insanity because they know they own you.
"…Trouble is that some women like to play with their admirers." I clenched my fists, knowing he was only trying to make me speak, but I couldn't help the anger at his suggestion of Bella being that kind of woman. Still, he noticed the small movement. "Is that what happened? Were you tired of being a diversion?"
When I still refused to answer his asinine questions his anger and annoyance began to show through in a huff. "Well, go on. Insult me with your defense."
There was none.
"Isabella may think she can fool me into believing that you are kind and honorable. Even saying that you haven't touched her…but we both know better than to accept that. How many times did you lure her to you? Hm? Tell me, Edward. Tell me why you thought you could put your hands on my daughter!" The shout reverberated off the walls with intensity.
He waited a bit longer, watching me, before his final words. "Be thankful that you aren't already slowly dying." He turned, speaking to someone—I assumed Jasper—about my leave. "How soon can you be ready?"
"A couple of hours at the most."
"Good. I want that miscreant out of my sight as soon as possible, before I take matters into my own hands."
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More than two days had passed now, and it was more and more difficult not to think of ways to get back to her. Especially those that did not involve murder and insanity.
Thankfully, though, it seemed that we had finally reached our destination, as I was wrenched out of my holding by one of the soldiers. Another stood opposite and they took my arms leading me through the sparse trees until the first decided to toss me to the ground.
Hate and anger roll off of them as I feel blow after blow from being punched and kicked while I lie on the rough forest floor. Blood pools in my mouth and it feels as though every part of my body is on fire. But I take it as silently as I can because this pain is still no worse than the ache of being parted from her…
"That's enough," Jasper says calmly from somewhere nearby.
I convulse, coughing up copper as I hear him move toward me, drawing sword from scabbard. It shines dully in the cloud-veiled moonlight as he stands over my battered form.
The others have gone.
He speaks, but I only hear certain words through the ringing in my ears, until I can finally make out his meaning.
"…if you live. But I doubt it. And do not misunderstand me; this is only for her sake."
Before I can question what I've heard, the bite of cold steel pierces my skin, slicing effortlessly into my shoulder.
A scream of terror fills my mind, and I have to clench my jaw shut against the ripple of pain as it heightens the throbbing in my chest, groaning as he twists the blade slightly before pulling it out. He snatches something from my throat. "I suppose this will suffice as evidence of your death." My breath is shallow as I recover, no longer hearing anything, save for my heartbeat. Jasper takes his handkerchief and wipes the blood from his sword, wrapping something in the now stained, white cloth.
Without another word he goes, the sound of the wagon fading as I lay gasping among the twigs and dirt. Warmth and wetness trickle from my wound and every inch of my body is screaming in agony.
I clench my eyes shut. It hurts to breathe, to think, to live. The image of Bella invades my mind, her sweet, smiling face and the thought that she's safe and away from this horror. I can only pray that she'll never know what happened.
I send up a silent prayer that she will forget me. That she can be happy. I had hoped that I could be a part of that happiness, but it was never meant to be.
Yet… It does not stop me now from imagining what could have been if I was good enough.
All I wanted was now fluttering in my mind like moving pictures.
A proper courtship, since I would not have been so close to her as a proper gentleman. Days walking arm in arm. Stealing kisses. Asking her to be mine. Watching her walk toward me in a simple, white dress, wildflowers in her hair and hands. Those same hands wrapped around her round stomach… I thought of that little girl we had met in the park, but different… A perfect, tiny Bella, with her smile and nose and heart-shaped face. But with green eyes and copper curls… Our child. The image of her is so real, that I'm speechless even in thought.
The visions never stop through the night until even those are too painful to think of, save for one.
She loves me.
It is the only thought I can concentrate on now.
.
.
.
Eventually I notice there is a chill in the wind, causing shivers along with the slow tremors. I can feel the call of sleep, but I don't want to stop thinking of her, to let go of her even as my body ceases to function. I shift slightly and quickly wish I hadn't as my injuries make themselves known once more all over…except in my left arm. The breath I have left is shallow and I wonder how many hours have passed now as I see the sky flicker with stars between the clouds above.
Won't be long now, I think, closing my eyes. I'm so tired, and I just want this nightmare to be ended.
Images of Bella invade my mind once more and I can almost hear her calling out to me. As much as I am thankful she doesn't know, a part of me is still selfish enough to wish that I could hold her one last time… Breathe in her scent and hear her voice. See her smile…her eyes…
She loves me.
Even now the joy is still here. If I was not so numb I would smile. At least I know that there is one who thought me worthy of love... Who will remember me. It's pathetic, but somehow this gives me comfort. I only hope that I would find her again, someway in the next life…if it even exists. I've never been a religious man, but I was suddenly praying that if it were possible, I could be granted at least that.
I hear the faint snap of a twig.
I wonder idly if there are wild animals close by. Hmm. There must be, I suppose, because I weakly hear something coming closer.
I'm losing consciousness too quickly now to care, though.
I sense more than feel something touch my throat; too numb from being cold and broken.
All I can think of is her beautiful face and I won't let anything distract me from these last seconds as I silently say my goodbyes.
More movement surrounds me and I struggle to stay awake, to focus on my love. Before I slip away, one voice speaks in the void...
"It's time."
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A/N: *Peers through small opening in the door* Next update will be December 3. Thanks for reading. Please review.