AN: As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas, and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels; you have no idea how much your support means to me.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Salacious Sensations and Impassioned Pleas

"Edward, I need you," I whispered as he held me close. I could see the hesitant look in his eyes as he pulled back, appraising the seriousness of my plea. I held his gaze and let it all show. I unveiled the hurt, the relief, and the desire that I had withheld from him, as well as every bit of dignity that I had held onto this whole time. His confession had liberated me from my fears and self-loathing. I was free.

I loved my husband, and he loved me. It was something I had feared I would never feel again. My mind was reeling; I was dizzy with pure happiness and relief. It was surprising, really. All along, I had told myself that I would never forgive Edward if he had slept with Tanya, yet I was so willing to forgive him if he had slept with Victoria. I had convinced myself that because I had walked away from our marriage without a confrontation or a fight, that he was allowed to cheat. When Edward confessed that the closest he had ever come to touching Victoria was when he chased after a vision of me, his admission lifted a weight of despair from my shoulders I didn't know existed.

Sobs escaped me, and the sudden jerk of weightlessness sent me to Edward's lap.

I was relieved. I was happy. I was loved.

He had never left me. He had always been there. I was stupid and immature to leave him. I was stupid and immature not to stomp into that room and confront the situation. Nevertheless, that was all over.

Where do we go from here?

The vacancy that fear and despair had left in me was quickly filled by fire and passion. My dam had burst. There was no stopping or controlling the sensation. It was sudden and fierce. I needed Edward; and I needed him now.

I reached up and tried to kiss him, but Edward pulled back.

"Bella, we have to take it slow, love. I don't want to rush you." My breathing was deep. I kept my eyes locked with his and shook my head quickly. "I want you. God, I want you so badly right now. But, love, I don't think this is right."

My body shook with anxiety.

Why was I so nervous?

"No," I whispered as he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to mine, slowly closing his eyes and kissing the tip of my nose.

"Bella, you are my love, my life. Let's just hold each other tonight. I swear tomorrow if you feel the same way, we'll do anything you want then." I felt his breath against my lips, before he leaned down and kissed them softly. "I can feel you tremble; let me soothe your fears away, love. We're one. We're whole."

I clung to his lips as they touched mine and passion erupted within me. I needed to touch him; I needed to be touched. I was desperate and filled with a lust that I feared would never be satiated. I held him tightly and slid my hands around his neck as he tried to pull away.

Edward held my arms firmly and pulled back. He gave me a pleading look, and I knew his resolve was weakening. "Bella, no, baby. I still feel after everything you have been through these last few days, we need to wait."

"No, Edward, I can't. I need to feel you; I can't help it. Everything around me is a lie-my father, Jacob, Leah, Aro, and even my mother." My lips quivered as I frantically spoke with haggard breaths. "Everything has been a lie for so long, Edward. Don't you see? I need to know that we are real. I need to know that we are true. I know I might be totally insane. But I just…I just…."

Before I could finish my sentence, Edward captured my lips with his. This time I knew he wasn't holding back. I felt his fire, his heat, and his passion. It set off a series of pulses through my body that made me feel so thankful I had him again.

He held me close with one hand leafing through my hair, while the other was firmly grasping my waist, pulling me closer. I closed my eyes and hoped that I would lose myself in Edward's soothing caresses.

Suddenly, he pulled back and lifted my chin up to meet his gaze. "Are you sure, Bella, really sure?"

"Yes, Edward, more sure than I have been about anything in my entire life."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as he bent down, slid his arm under my legs, and tightened his hold around my waist, lifting me up with him. Edward kissed me softly as he walked me to my bed. He laid me down, and I scooted far back against the pillows.

We took deep breaths as we stared at each other. I looked down at my blouse and started to undo the buttons one by one. It wasn't that I was shy-I knew that Edward had seen me naked at least twice in Chicago-but everything was different now. When I slid the blouse off my shoulders and let it fall off me, I couldn't help but look away.

"Bella," he whispered as he stepped up with his knees on the bed. He reached out slowly and stroked the side of my face. "Don't hide."

I felt the heated blush rise to the surface, and I knew I was bright red in front of him. "I don't know why, but I don't know how to feel."

"it's okay. It's just us."

"Edward, I don't know what being justus is anymore." I admitted, so nervous over his reaction.

I felt him kneel closer and kiss my temple softly. "Trust me, Bella. I swear I will cherish you and help you remember."

I tilted my face up and let his soft lips continue their kisses, from my face down to my collarbone. I closed my eyes and let him overtake me. I felt his love in every touch and caress of his fingertips. He slowly unzipped my pants, and I lay back, arching up as he slid them off me. My eyes followed the slow movements of his fingers as she massaged circles into every part of skin that he revealed in the process, slow teasing touches on the arches of my feet, followed by soft and soothing kisses. Edward kept eye contact as he worked his magic fingers all over me; it was almost as if he was trying to reacquaint himself with me.

"Edward?" I breathed deeply as he started to kiss my inner thighs and stroked the edge of my ever-dampening panties.

"Yes, love?" His voice, as always, held a calm tone.

"Edward, you have way too many clothes on, baby." I moaned and arched up as I felt him caress me through my panties.

"Hmm, that, I can definitely take care of." He quickly slid off the bed and unbuttoned his shirt. I bit my lower lip as I watched his chest come into view. I followed the movements of his hands as he undid his belt and slid down his pants along with his boxers. And just like that, he stood there, gloriously naked and sporting a magnificent erection. The "Chippendales" dancers that Alice and Rosalie had ambushed me with the night before my wedding were nothing compared to my man.

The thought shook away all my nerves. I closed my eyes for a moment, tuning out everything else and only holding onto what my body was yearning for. It called out for him and him alone.

I felt no shame, no shyness. I wanted him; I wanted him badly. All thoughts of anger and fear were suddenly gone. He was faithful. He loved me. He had never betrayed me. My heart felt light when I realized that I deserved him.

I closed my eyes and let out a long sigh as Edward leaned down, and I felt the bare flesh of his torso. It was torture, but it was the most insane and pleasurable kind of torture. I tensed when I was taken aback by a soothing sensation. Edward pulled a moan out of me with his soft but firm kissing and licking. He crawled his way up my body, and I watched him with ecstasy in my eyes.

The dim light from the bathroom was creating shadows over his shoulders and chest. The sheen from our heated make-out session was visible on Edward's body, and he shimmered. He was my sunshine. He was my bright light. I could lie back like this forever, basking in the warmth of his gaze, alive with the immersurable power of his love. I felt him sit up on his arms and slowly start to stroke my sensitive skin again.

"God, how I love you like this, Bella." I heard him whisper. I tried to reach out and touch him, but the commanding tone in his voice made me keep my hands still. "Baby, don't move a muscle."

I closed my eyes and just let myself go.

I promised him complete surrender.

He kissed my thighs, slipped his thumbs under the band of my panties, and slid them down slowly, kKissing and licking the path down my legs.

Edward sat back and slid my legs onto his shoulders. He massaged and kissed my ankles as let his fingers slide their way toward my aching center.

I couldn't help but rub my nipples and moan out as he continued his tortuous strokes.

I was almost ashamed at how wantonly I was behaving. But when he touched me this way, I had no control over my senses. My breathing hitched when I realized he was watching me with an amazed smirk. I could feel my heated blush rise throughout my body. All it took was a simple brush of his fingertips against my sex for Edward to set a burst of fire through me, and I swear my body was about to burst into flames. Not being able to resist any longer, I reached out and scraped my fingernails down his shoulders toward his perfectly sculpted chest.

I felt him shiver under my touch, and his hand tightened its hold on one of my thighs, as his fingers curledinside me. I arched my back and cried out in pleasure. "Edward, it feels so good-please don't stop."

He pulled me up to him quickly and kissed me hard. I heard a soft growl emit from his chest, and my skin came alive, covering with goose bumps. I felt his fingers wrap around my wrists and raise them over my head. He kissed me softly, as he lay still against me and watched me. Even after all the times that Edward had seen me naked, I couldn't help feeling somewhat self-conscious when I caught the predatory look in his eyes.

"I love your blush, Bella." Edward leaned in and captured my lower lip with his. A fever raced through me as his lips touched mine, and I was melting into him. His fingers filtered through my hair, and he pulled me to him. He leaned back and pulled me on top of him, never breaking the kiss. My hair was loose, and it cascaded over my shoulders as I straddled him. My breasts were pressed to his hard chest as Edward's erection pressed against my thighs and twitched between us. In between Edward's dominating kisses, I slowly slipped my hands over his velvet-wrapped steel and stroked him slowly.

"Bella." He moaned as I smiled against his mouth. I could feel the hunger in his body as he held me close by my shoulders and pressed me harder against him. My entire body was alive with passion; as I was sliding up against him, I started to grind on top of him.

I pulled back from our kissing and looked into his lust-filled eyes. I asked with silent permission, as I stroked his cock in my hands and just watched as he licked his lips and nodded slowly.

I leaned down and kissed his neck and chest as I made my way down his body with licks and kisses. God, how I wanted him inside me!

Even so, I knew I had to wait and be patient; I wanted to show him love. I wanted to take it slow and get reacquainted with his body. In the four years that we had been apart, my love and need for Edward had increased even more than I ever thought possible. Kissing him, loving him here and now, only showed me how insane I was to think that I could ever move on from this man.

This wasn't sex. It was never about sex when it came to my love for Edward. It was destiny. It was fate. The love we made, whether it was sensual or sordid, was always about the connection within our souls. For me, my husband was not only my protector, lover, and confidant. For me, Edward was my peace; he was in the truest sense, my other half. My heart beat for him, and I knew after everything that he had been through, Edward's heart beat for me.

I locked eyes with Edward as I kissed my way down his body, exploring it like it was our first time together. Soon enough, I had reached the Holy Grail, and started stroking his pulsing member in my hand. I leaned down and took a long deep suck of his throbbing head and pulled a low guttural moan from Edward's body as I slowly released his cock from my mouth.

"Fuck, Bella." He stroked the side of my face with his hand. "You're killing me."

I smiled and slowly took his cock back into my mouth. I licked and sucked all around, concentrating on bringing him to the brink over and over again. If l felt him coming, l would just release him and start the process once again. A well deserved sweet torture, it wasn't that I didn't want Edward to find release, but the new sense of control I felt in loving my husband this way aroused me even further when l sensed the kind of power my mouth held over him. I felt Edward's body tense and looked up to see that he was close again. His knuckles were almost white from clutching the sheets beneath him so tightly, and I continued sucking and licking until I brought him to ecstasy.

I let go of his semi-hard cock with a pop, and Edward was quick in pulling me back up to him. He kissed me firmly and turned us until he was on top. He rested one arm next to my right shoulder as he cupped my face and continued to kiss me passionately. I felt his warm tongue stroke mine as we struggled for control of the kiss. He pulled away from my mouth and turned his attention to my neck and down to my heaving chest. I moaned when I started to lose myself to his caresses and lust-filled whispers. I was so enraptured that I unexpectedly felt a small tug on my nipple, and I quickly opened my eyes. I made contact with Edward's smooth stare, as he hovered above me, smiling in between kisses. He slowly leaned down and captured my erect nipple with his lips. I caught my lower lip in my teeth as I slid my fingers through his silky hair.

"Edward…it's so…" I panted in between words. "It's so good."

I heard him chuckle as he continued to suckle and tease my highly sensitive nipples.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered slowly. "I wish to God, I could take away all the pain you suffered alone. Baby, if I could, I would go back and fight harder; if I had, I would have been there to catch you when you fell, baby. I would have done anything in the world to catch you and save our baby, Bella."

A painful emotion rose within me, and I felt tears start to sting my eyes. Please, no! Hold it together!

"Love, it's not your fault. None of it was your fault," Edward whispered as he saw my tears start to well up. I held him close as he continued to pepper my breasts and stomach with slow and passionate kisses. He slowly shifted and I felt his muscular thighs press against my bare legs. I widened my legs as I felt his hardness press against my wet heat.

"Bella?" He looked up suddenly. "Are you on anything?"

At first, I was confused. I wasn't even sure to what he was asking, when it dawned on me. I slowly shook my head. His mouth was partly opened with an intense hunger in his eyes. Edward looked down the length of my body and stroked the sides of my thighs.

"As much as I want to be in you and feel nothing but you around me, I don't think we're ready to go unprotected." I sat up as Edward slid off the bed and reached for his wallet.

"Why the need for protection? I know you haven't been with anyone, and Edward, I swear I haven't been with anyone." He reached into his wallet, and his mouth held a smirk as he raised the foil packet in the tip of his fingers. I folded my arms and raised an eyebrow.

"To answer your unasked question, no, this is not from my college days. I guess when I knew we were going to meet in Chicago, I just wanted to be prepared. Consider it wishful thinking on my part." I smiled a shy smile as he walked toward me. I felt him reach over and kiss me softly before whispering, "And I want to use protection because we don't know what they have been pumping into you. You just got out of the hospital. As much as I want to make love to you and see you swell with our child, I just don't think now is the right time for that."

I pulled back suddenly, after I realized just how rational Edward's fears were. I had been drugged with God-knows what, along with that and the mediciane I was given at the hospital if our love making got me pregnant, then whatever was in my system could be harmful to the baby.

"Bella?" I looked up with worried eyes and saw Edward watching me. He stood tall and still. He was more of a man now than I had ever seen him. Painfully beautiful in his nudity, he was sexual perfection personified.

No more waiting; I couldn't do it anymore.

I reached out for his hand and took the condom from his fingertips. He shook his head, but before he could step back, I leaned down, taking his erection in my hand, and savored it in my wet mouth.

Edward hissed and I felt his hand glide through my hair. I sucked and toyed with his erection, making him harder, as I quickly pulled back and tore the packet open. I rolled it onto his thick, pulsing shaft and pulled him down onto the bed.

"Bella, wait." He stilled my movements as I quickly straddled him. "We shouldn't do this, not like this, baby."

I shrugged out of his grasp and leaned forward, kissing Edward forcefully. "No. More. Waiting. Okay?"

"Bella…" I cut him off and kissed him hard, and I pulled his hands to his sides.

"I love you, Edward. I love you so much. I can't wait anymore. During all the insanity that is my life, I have learned a few things about myself. I can't get into all of them right now. What I can tell you is that I am done waiting for the right time. I am done waiting to see what is and isn't acceptable. From now on, if I want something, I will go for it. As far as I'm concerned, protocol and being rational can be damned. Because when it comes to you, I don't care. As long as we're together, happy, and safe, that is all I care about. If all I get out of this life is you, and only you, for the rest of my life, I have made out to be better and happier than I ever thought possible."

Before Edward had a chance to react, I slid myself down onto him and we both groaned loudly. "Holy fuck, Bella."

"Oh God! Edward!" We breathed in deep and kept our connection. I leaned forward and steadied myself by leaning on his chest with my hands, and he held my hips as we slowly found our rhythm.

"Look at me, baby." I heard him gasp as the need for each other pulsed within us. "I need to see your eyes."

I met his stare as he lay back and let me take control. Our desire was mirrored in each other's eyes, our lips parted and we were holding onto each other desperately. This wasn't the first time we had made love, obviously, but the hunger to continue the connection we felt was desperate. It was so anxious. I felt him reach up and stroke my breasts, bringing me more alive than I'd ever been.

Surprised at how quickly my lover—my husband –had brought me to the edge, as the rekindled passion took me to my breaking point, all my befuddled brain allowed me to do was pant. "Edward… I'm going to… "

He quickly leaned up and pulled my face down to his and kissed me deeply and murmured, "Let go, love. Let it all go."

I closed my eyes and leaned into his touch. I was finally letting go of a part of myself that I had held onto so stubbornly. My emotions erupted within me. The euphoria I felt made me part my lips, but the only sound I heard was moans of desire. I looked into Edward's eyes and they were clouded with passion.

"Edward…" He quickly silenced my mouth with his finger, as I felt him press harder and deeper into me, keeping a steady and hungry motion.

"Don't talk, just feel me," he whispered against me. I reached up and stretched myself around him, taking in his manly, musky essence. I couldn't control myself as I licked and kissed the soft skin at the base of his neck.

"Fuck, Bella, that feelsso hot." He moaned in between thrusts as he quickened his pace. I felt his cock start to pulse and quiver inside of me. His grip on me tightened, and my name stumbled from his lips. I could see the tidal wave of rapture wash over him, and when we locked eyes, in that moment, nothing else in the world existed but us.

I lay on top of him, both of us gasping for breath. "I love you, Edward."

"I know, baby. I love you too."

I smiled against him, thoroughly spent. Even in my exhaustion, I could still feel the orgasmic aftershocks resonate throughout my body. I felt the soft caresses of Edward's hand on my back, and I reluctantly closed my eyes and welcomed what I hoped was an undisturbed slumber.

Too bad I didn't know that the real troubles in my life were just beginning.

I woke up suddenly, from a troubling dream I couldn't remember. Glancing down at myself, I realized I was still totally bare. I pulled the sheets up to cover my naked breasts. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing thoughts.

What the hell? What happened? Oh my God!

My heart fluttered as I recalled the events of day; the insane confession from Leah and Jacob in the kitchen, the confession from my father about his alcoholism, the totally straight-from-a-soap-opera-twist about my Uncle…err… correction, Grandfather Aro. I covered my face with my hands, trying to shake the anger that was bubbling already. Slowly, I smiled.

Edward.

Of all the crazy and insane confessions I was subjected to the day before, it was Edward's revelations about Vegas and the truth about his time away from me that finally gave my aching soul the much needed relief. I could feel my heart start to cool, and before I could stop myself, a giggle escaped me when the thoughts of the many positions we had tried entered my mind. I hesitated to move, wondering if yesterday had been a dream. I slowly looked over to where Edward's head had rested the night before and saw that the spot was empty. A sinking feeling started to fill me, and I closed my eyes to ward off the worry that began to consume me.

Where is he? Why isn't he here?

I bit my lower lip and started to sit up, looking around the room. The slivers of light from the morning sun were peeking through the shades; andas they hit the furniture and mirrors, the room began to glow all around me. I suddenly heard the water running and looked up toward the bathroom door. Without another thought, I threw back the covers and climbed out of bed. My muscles aching as I started to walk toward the bathroom, dragging the sheet behind me as I struggled to keep it wrapped around my body. I pushed the door aside and the steam from the shower escaped. I inhaled deeply when I realized that I could smell him.

I walked softly toward the glass shower door and watched as the water cascaded down Edward's body. I could see the muscles of his back flex as he moved, with his arms fully working his hair as he washed away the shampoo. His lower half was obstructed by the textured surface of the door.

Must replace the damn shower door with a fully clear one!

He shifted a bit and turned under the shower with his eyes shut and washed his face. As he stepped out from under the water jets, he wiped the water from his face and opened his eyes. It took him a few seconds, but when he was able to focus on me, the side of his mouth turned up into a small smirk. I stood still and watched him as he followed the length of my body with his gaze.

He raised his hand and pressed his palm against the door, and it slid open. I swallowed hard at the sight of his fully nude body. His chiseled chest with broad shoulders held his perfectly toned arms at his side. As I took him in his solid abs to his manly base, I swallowed hard and couldn't help but look away.

I heard him chuckle. "Come, come now, Mrs. Cullen. Don't tell me you're shy all of a sudden?"

I bit my lower lip and looked at him from under my lashes. I didn't know why, but suddenly everything was different. I tried to fight down the awkwardness, but I honestly didn't know how to behave.

Get it together, Bella!

Edward stood still with his hand stretched out to me. "Come here, baby. Let me love you some more."

I stepped toward him and slowly let the bed sheet that was wrapped around me fall to the ground. Edward took a sharp breath, and I watched as his eyes darkened to a deep forest green. It was the look of a man on the edge of lust. I loved that look. I reached my hand out to him as I closed the space between us.

"Dear God, Bella. You are more beautiful every time I look at you." He clasped my hand and pulled me hard against him into the warm shower. "I love you, so fucking much."

He kissed me hard. His lips were forceful and penetrating. He quickly overtook my mouth and kissed me with wild abandon. I pushed as he pulled us both under the water. I melted against him and felt his hands rub my body with soap. As he lathered my hair, I peppered his jaw and neck with soft meaningful kisses. He nipped at my ear and pinched my nipple, pulling another throaty moan from me.

"Edward… you need to stop." He laughed as he pressed his erection against me and washed the soap and shampoo off me.

"Oh, baby… I'm just beginning." He quickly shut off the water and pulled me out with him. I shied away from his attempt to kiss me.

"Edward, we can't. We have to think about Charlie. He could be up by now."

Edward quickly turned and bent down to flip me over his bare shoulder.

"Edward, stop! No!" I struggled. He slapped my ass as he briskly walked out of the bathroom. "Ow! Edward, really, you need to stop!"

"Do as you're told and don't move, Bella." He tossed me on the bed, made his way over to the side table, and got out his cell phone. He turned and pinned me down with his gaze. "Mom? Sorry to trouble you. Are you and Dad awake? Yes, Bella and I are doing fine."

I saw him smirk, and his eyes lit up when he looked at me. "Yes, we are more than fine. Charlie? Well yes, that is what I was calling you about. You see, I think that Bella and I could use more…er…alone time together for the rest of the morning. Yes, well it would great if you could come over and take him out somewhere. No, no, Jacob and Leah will be taking care of themselves…"

Hearing their names brought back an uneasy feeling within me. I sat up slowly, pulling the duvet cover over myself. I looked away from Edward, who was still talking with Esme. I ran a hand through my hair and thought back to everything that had come out yesterday. A tight pain within my stomach started to form, and I tried to blink back the tears that threatened to flow at the thoughts of their utter betrayal.

Oh God, it hurt!

Jacob's actions in keeping Edward and me apart, while deplorable, were still the actions of someone who was in love. But drugging me? That went beyond anything I could even comprehend. I knew it was something that we would never recover from. Ever. Jacob had decided that fate for us when he drugged me in order to keep me from acting out of my own free will.

As my thoughts of anger rose within me, I couldn't help but feel it steering toward my father. I loved Charlie. His confession made me understand that he wasn't in the right frame of mind. However, it didn't hurt any less.

I didn't know if it was selfish of me to feel betrayed, even by him. It was like the wool that had been pulled from my eyes had brought into question all the men that I had fiercely and loyally loved throughout my life.

What right did anyone have to hide things from me? They said it was because they loved me and wanted to protect me-but was it really?

The standard excuse I always received from everyone who hid things from me was that I needed to be protected. When I was a burned and bruised kid trying to hold it together in desperation for the sake of my grieving father, I accepted that reasoning over and over. It wasn't easy growing up in such a stressful family. Any mention of Aro would set Charlie off. He would yell and scream, telling me how horrible Aro was. He hated every mention of my mother's inheritance. I didn't want to fight. I wanted a family, so I stopped struggling, and I just took it. I tried to be the daughter I knew my mother would have wanted me to be. I kept telling myself that things couldn't get any worse, and that I would eventually get out when I went to college.

"Happiness isn't forever, Bella. Just remember that. Never love someone more than they love you. 'Cause they will be taken away. Just be smart." Charlie's words that echoed in my mind were uttered during some dinner, in which we had, strangely enough, managed to sit down together. I remember I had made spaghetti and meatballs. I had slaved over a hot stove for hours, and he had sat, for the most part, telling me how Sue was devastated because Harry Clearwater had passed away from a heart attack.

I remember the times I wanted to tell him to stop saying that love didn't last forever-I knew it hurt that Mom was gone, but I was still alive, I was still here with him, and he should remember that I continued to love him. I just wanted us to work it out. I simply wanted to try and be a family. I remember as I lay in bed that night, staring at the family portrait that was taken around my thirteenth birthday. We looked so happy, so normal. We looked like the picture-perfect family. I remember how I cried and prayed that when I would wake up the next day, I would find that the life I was living was just a bad dream.

I remembered when the days got worse, I started praying and hoping that I would never fall in love, because I was so sure it would destroy me, just like it had done my family.

The moment I met Edward, it changed everything, and in some ways, it kept everything the same. Everything changed in the sense that for the first time I had renewed hope that love might conquer everything—but sadly, it stayed the same when Charlie didn't even bother to give Edward a chance.

Edward loved me, and I loved him. The objection that Charlie and Jacob had to me seeing Edward only made me fight harder for us to be together. He never made demands on my love. He never made me feel guilty or less than who I was because of the difficulties I had gone through. He pushed me into becoming a better person-to take all my disadvantages and make them my stepping stones on a path to a new life where I was in charge.

I honestly thought I was in control of my life. However, after everything that was unleashed on me these past years, it was obvious that I really had no control at all.

What am I going to do? If my own father, grandfather, and best friend treated me this way, who was there left to trust? Edward? What happens when he does something without my knowledge? Something that he is sure is in my best interest? What then? Where do I go for help?

"Bella?" Edward's voice pulled me from my thoughts. "Charlie is going to be well entertained the rest of the day; are there any other demands my lovely wife has for me?"

Edward tossed the phone on the side table and kept his eyes on me. I looked down and held the duvet closer around me. When Edward didn't move, I looked back up at him; his expression was one of concern. I smiled, trying to hide my own tense expression.

"Baby, what's wrong?" His voice was soft.

"Nothing," I whispered. Edward shook his head and leaned beside the bed.

"Don't do that. Tell me-what's wrong?" His expression was more tense than worried.

"Darling, really. It's nothing but stupid memories of insane times that just are overwhelming me. Come here." I reached for him and took his face in my hands, kissing him softly. "Even though we have finally gotten through so much, it's the thoughts of what we still don't know that are just keeping me stressed. I can't help it. You know I'm an over-thinker."

"Baby, you have nothing to worry about, that's what I'm here for." Edward stroked my face and kissed me in between his words. I looked deep into his eyes. I smiled into his gaze and kissed the tip of his nose.

"I never thought we would be like this again," I whispered against his lips. "I love you. I love you, I love you."

Edward chuckled as he kissed me back. "Baby, we will always be together. I don't have control on much in this world, but I swear, this is one thing I will spend the rest of my life making sure we are able to do."

I leaned back and held Edward close as he hovered above me. "Promise?"

"I promise." Edward crossed his heart and smiled. "So now, where were we?"

I bit my lower lip as I tried to hide a smile when I caught a familiar mischievous glint in his eye.

"Bella, what have I told you about biting your lower lip?" Edward's voice was dripping with sexual dominance.

"Um…that it turns you on?" I answered, trying to hold back my smile.

"Oh, Mrs. Cullen! We have so much to catch up on." I giggled as Edward attacked my neck and kissed his way down to my breasts. He pushed the duvet down, and I moaned as he caught one of my nipples in his mouth and sucked.

With my back arched, I slipped my hands into his hair. "Edward, oh my God! Don't stop!"

Edward chuckled. "Oh my darling Bella… I have no intention on stopping. Ever."

I lazily lay across Edward's bare chest, stroking it and watching the clouds as they floated by the huge window that overlooked the city below. I was in heaven, to put it simply. There were so many times in the last four years that I prayed for another moment like this with Edward. We lay together, totally nude, relaxing from a morning filled with love making. There wasn't a part of either of our bodies that we hadn't licked, kissed, or touched.

My joints ached in pleasure and pain from being used over and over again. I loved the sensation, and I prayed that for the rest of our lives, every moment we had was like this.

It was just so peaceful.

I kept massaging his chest and kissed him periodically as he lay back with one hand tucked behind his head and the other cupping my ass. I heard him let out a sigh and as he started to stroke my back softly. I pulled my hair out of the way and watched him as he gazed at my nude form. I turned so he could have better access to my breasts. I let out a soft moan and closed my eyes; he stroked and teased my nipples until they were fully erect again under his touch.

"Edward…we need to stop." I moaned.

"No, we don't have to stop anything we don't want to," he whispered as he leaned forward, pulling me to him.

"No, we do." I argued. "Edward, we have to get up, please. Esme will be back with Charlie soon."

I heard him let out a sigh, and I opened my eyes to catch his disappointed expression. "Come on, you know I don't want to. Please?"

He looked at me with soft eyes. "You really feel you're ready?"

"Well, of course, I know they probably know what we're up to; I just feel like we still need to make an appearance." I gave him a slow kiss.

"Wait." He pulled back. "Bella, we need to talk."

"What do you mean 'we need to talk'?" I said quickly as I tried to sit up. "Is something wrong? Is there something you aren't telling me? Is it Charlie? It is Jacob? Leah?"

Fear started to course through me, and I quickly tried to slip off the bed.

"Bella, wait!" Edward pulled me back and tried to settle me in his arms. "Everyone is fine!"

"Then what's wrong?" The desperation in my voice caused my words to shake as I spoke.

"Calm down, baby, really, it's nothing. I just wanted to talk to you about everything and make sure you are okay." He pulled me to his chest and held me as I tried to calm my breathing. "Fuck, you're trembling. Jesus, I didn't mean to shake you up, baby. I'm sorry."

"Is there something I need to be worried about? I mean, is everyone keeping something from me?"

"Love, I am not keeping anything from you, I swear. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to talk with my father."

I shook my head. "Why would I want to do that?"

"Baby, you need to talk to someone, especially after what Jacob and Leah said yesterday. We have to have you checked out."

"Edward, I'm fine. I just checked out of a hospital no more than twenty-four hours ago, remember? They had to have done some blood tests, and if they had found anything out of the ordinary then, of course, it would have raised some red flags."

I felt Edward's body tense. "So what does that mean? That everything that Jacob and Leah said is going to be pushed under the rug?"

I pulled away from his chest and looked straight at him. "No, Edward. I have no intention of pushing anything under the rug! Even more so, what I will not do is jump around and freak out because of it. Granted, there are so many insane things they said, but I'm not sure everything they are saying is one hundred percent accurate."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Edward sat up quickly.

"I don't know, Edward. I just don't remember it like they are making it seem." I pressed my fingers to my throbbing temples. "I know things were hazy after I lost the baby, but there were so many other things that made me insane."

"What do you mean, Bella? What things?" Edward stood to grab his pajama pants from his suitcase and slipped them on. "What was driving you insane?"

I closed my eyes and tried hard to hold down the pain of the past few years. I knew somewhere deep inside that Edward and I would eventually have this conversation, about the situation that surrounded us, my attack and who was behind it. I just didn't want to have it now.

"Edward, I don't think we should have this conversation now," I stated slowly.

"Bella, just talk to me. After everything we have gone through, we need to stick to honest and open conversations. I don't care how big or small it is; I want you to talk to me about it. No more tap dancing around everything." I could hear a thin edge in his voice and knew he didn't understand.

"Edward, it's not that. It's just-I don't want to have another emotionally charged conversation right now."

"I understand that things are difficult and all out of sorts." He came and sat down next to me. "But we need to talk to someone about this, especially in regards to your health. Think about it, Bella. We don't know what they have been giving you. You might have gained a dependency on it. Who knows what can happen if you miss a dose? I think we need to know what kind of damage your body might be suffering as a result of it."

I knew deep inside he was right. A part of my mind screamed that I needed to talk to Carlisle, that I needed to be proactive and mature about my situation.

But I was afraid.

What would it be like to talk to Carlisle about all this? Would I have to tell him about the baby? What about what happened in Italy? As all the scenarios raced through my mind, I had to force myself to calm down.

"Bella, baby, please trust me." He looked so desperate.

Iclosed my eyes and tried over and over to come up with some kind of argumentative point, anything that would make him back down. I shook my head as I thought of excuse after excuse but nothing was good enough. Edward would push until he got what he wanted; he always did.

Just try it out. Give him a chance.

I let out a soft breath. "Okay, Edward, I'll talk to Carlisle."

Edward reached out and pulled me into a deep kiss. "Baby, I swear you won't regret this. I know it's hard, but I'll be here with you every single step of the way."

"I love you, Edward."

He kissed my forehead softly as he walked with me into the bathroom. "I love you too, baby. Let's get washed up and then I'll call Carlisle. It will be all right I swear."

Four hours later, anxiety had my stomach tied in the most uncomfortable of knots. Edward sat next to me and tried to stop my hands from trembling.

"Baby, it'll be okay. I swear," he whispered as he leaned in and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I kept taking deep breaths as I heard Carlisle's voice before I saw him enter the room.

"I know, darling, I will tell them. Of course, we will be right over afterwards." He paused and shut the study door behind him, before he turned to give us a smile. "Esme, love, I'm here. Yes, they look very happy. No, I will not give Edward the phone-and that is a no to giving the phone to Bella, as well. Yes, dear. I understand. Of course, yes. I love you too."

Edward and I couldn't help but smile. Esme and Carlisle had always been the perfect couple. Their love story was a tale in itself, but through all the hurt, abuse, and manipulation emerged two people who were each other's beacon of light. I looked over at Edward as he smiled and stood to exchange pleasantries with his father. They shared many similar features, but it was nothing in comparison to what they shared in character-the immense love and dedication they gave to their women.

It pained me to realize, once again, the opportunities Edward and I had wasted these last four years and what it meant to our marriage. I watched Edward's expression turn serious as he kept close to his father, speaking in hushed tones.

I loved him. Oh God! How I loved him. I just didn't know if I could do what Edward was asking of me. To confess the truth about the past to Carlisle and asking him to keep it from Esme seemed so blasphemous. I knew he loved me and wanted to protect me as much as his son, but what would he think?

I knew that the decision I made to leave four years ago without a trace was immature and hurtful. This family had done so much for me when I had needed someone, anyone to care for me the most. However, at the time, my decision to leave was fueled by anger and the horror of seeing my worst fears coming true. That was the first time it occurred to me that love didn't last forever.

I suddenly felt a small downward spiral in my stomach. I reached to brace myself, but I realized I wasn't moving. I tried to tame the urge by taking deep breaths.

Everything will be okay, Bella. Just relax. This is a new beginning, remember? Besides what is there to be worried about? As long as Edward is with you, that is all that matters.

I shut my eyes and tried to shake off the familiar feelings.

Damn it, Bella! You've already gone over this! Trust Edward!

It was like all the fears and insecurities I swore I had overcome were suddenly lined up and organized front and center. I hated it. I wanted out. I was a fool, an utter fool to think that it was going to be all right.

What will Carlisle think when he finds out that I was pregnant? How will he react when he knows l left stubbornly and willingly, without a second look back? What about my insane family drama?

I could feel my mind at war with itself. A tug of war erupted within me, and it flooded my sanity with a pain and fright of epic proportions.

I looked up at Edward, who had realized I was in panic mode. He took a step toward me, and I shook my head at him. I took deep breaths and managed to mumble something about him staying away.

My voice of reason, or insanity, was like a broken record playing loudly in my mind-my most dreaded fears played over and over again.

Carlisle is going to freak when he hears about the madness that is surrounding you! Jacob and Leah playing doctor with my anti-depressants or who knows what else! The first thing he is going to do is tell Edward to get away from you. It doesn't last, Bella. Happiness doesn't last.

I was frantic when I managed to get up. I pulled away from a desperate Edward and a very worried looking Carlisle. I almost made it to the door when Edward caught me around the waist.

"Bella, baby, calm down!" He tried to make me face him, but I pushed against his hold and pulled away, screaming for him to get away. "Trust me, baby."

"No! No! Please, no!" I sobbed and found myself running to a corner. "Please, don't make me do this! I can't do this!"

"Bella, please, calm down! I swear you don't have to do anything! Dad, help me?" Edward's voice echoed around the room, his tone laced with panic.

I gave Carlisle a fear-filled glance when I saw him pull Edward back by his arms and tried to reason with him softly. I couldn't hear him above my own crying, but I had hoped that he was telling Edward to back off.

I slid down the wall, held my knees to my chest, and sobbed in desperation. Somewhere inside, I had no idea why I was crying; part of me feared that I was having a mental breakdown. Another part of me feared that I was sane, and that my world was about to come crashing down around me.

"Bella?" I jerked up and saw Carlisle bent at the knees, sitting close to me. I wiped my eyes and looked for Edward, who seemed to be missing. "I sent him out. He wanted to stay, but I told him I needed him gone."

I nodded slowly and kept my body turned away from him. I sobbed silently as Carlisle didn't move from his position and just let me cry it all out. A soft knock on the door brought me out of my stupor, and I looked to Carlisle, who hadn't moved an inch.

"Who is it?" Carlisle asked cautiously as his eyes never left mine.

My heart sank when I heard Esme's anxious voice. I hated to hear the pain in her voice, especially since I knew it must have been because of me. My heart started to beat faster; this time it had nothing to do with trepidation but with hope. Suddenly, fear was replaced with wanting and a need as her tone started to soothe the panicky currents in my veins.

"Bella?" Carlisle looked at me with a questioning look and gestured toward the door. I slowly nodded to answer his unspoken question. He quickly stood up and pulled open the door. I could hear the heated exchange between Carlisle, Edward, and Charlie. Esme flew past him and she raced toward me. Carlisle was true to his word, though, as he stood strong and didn't let anyone else pass by. When I saw her angelic face, I couldn't help myself-I reached out to her as she came close.

The second she touched me, I knew I was going to be okay.

"Oh, Esme." I cried into her blouse as she held me. "I'm so sorry!"

"Hush, Bella, no need for all of that. You let it all out, you hear me? I'm here, sweetheart."

"It hurts, Esme. It just hurts so much inside. Everything is a mess, and it's all my fault." My voice cracked in between words. She rocked me and I could feel her looking over at Carlisle, who I knew was still very present in the room.

"Darling, I know you are in a great deal of pain after everything you have just gone through. Even so, my lovely Bella, you need to remember who you are. You are strong and independent. You are a survivor."

I shook my head. Leave it to Esme to have it totally backwards!

"No, Esme, you're wrong, so wrong. If you only knew the truth! You and Carlisle would be so disappointed." I hiccupped.

I felt Esme's body shake with a light laugh. "Bella, my sweet girl, there is no way any of my children could disappoint me. You, out of all them, should know that."

Her words shook me as I realized what she was saying. I pulled back and looked into her eyes. They were shining with emotion and unshed tears. She drew me back to her and held me tight.

"Esme, I'm so scared," I whispered.

"I know, my darling. I know you are. But please, trust me and let me help you. Both Carlisle and I can't stand seeing you in such pain again. Please, Bella."

I sat still and listened to her heart beat. It allowed me to try and work up the nerve to begin somewhere. The fear of their reaction to everything that I was going to tell them was so powerful, I almost wanted to get up and race away from the room. But Esme's firm and mothering touch kept me rooted. I glanced down at the simple wedding ring that graced my finger and remembered when Edward and I exchanged vows. I felt sick knowing that he had honored them to the best of his ability and that my behavior was the reason everything seemed so useless, futile, fruitless, and desperate. I also knew that I needed to get help if there was any hope for me to survive this mental mind fuck.

I cleared my throat and asked for a glass of water. When Carlisle handed me the cool glass, I tried to get up. Without a word, Esme and Carlisle helped me to the sofa and sat on either side of me. I felt vulnerable and protected, all at the same time. The room was suddenly so quiet, and all I could hear was the erratic beating of my heart.

You can do this. Just start from the beginning.

With a shaking breath, I started. "This all started four years ago when I found out that I was pregnant."