A/N: Please read the note at the bottom. Thank you to these people for reviewing and those who are reading it, i'm glad you've been enjoying it.

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Chapter 26

Everything was raw. Every sound, every ounce of light, every nerve in his body. This clothes felt heavy on him and his head felt it was going to explode. It was what he imagined it was like when he first turned. It had been so long ago he had forgotten but now that it was happening again it was very distinct. He felt disoriented and slightly nauseous as he sat rigid on the couch in his uncle's library. He wanted to ask what they were doing there but at the same time he just wanted silence so he kept his questions to himself.

Waking up had been a disorienting affair. The last thing he remembered was sitting in a huge library while Stefan and Elena tried to explain what was happening. He didn't understand, it didn't make any sense. The library he was in was vast. It was hands down the biggest library he had ever been in and the academic inside of him wanted nothing more than to just go through all the books. But from what Elena and Stefan were explaining to him, all the books were actually his memories?

Damon had no idea what they were talking about, and the loud growling from across the room didn't help his attention. The two most important people in his life weaved through an unimaginable tale of traveling through his memories, trying to find pieces of him to open the door he was behind. They had handed him the book and he stared down at the hard cover with indifference, overwhelmed by everything.

The last things he could remember was Katherine breaking is heart and running away. He remembered endless loneliness and sorrow as he wandered aimlessly wishing for death. They claimed the found him at Gettysburg and he had felt his heart stop. He had never gone there even after he turned. The knowledge of what he had done still haunted him and he had avoided it like the plague.

They told him of apparitions of himself in various ages as they traveled through his memory. He looked around the library expecting to see what but no other version of himself existed there, only himself. They tried inquiring on what was happening to him while he was locked his old room. Damon couldn't answer. Everything had been painful, both physically and mentally. It was if his body was relieving every pain brought upon it throughout its long life as well as the mental and emotional torment he had ever gone through. And as if that weren't enough, his mind betrayed him by creating new fears, new torments including failing both Elena and Stefan while they gave into the blood lust.

He had been distant and numb throughout the entire tale. Damon could tell from the looks they exchanged with each other that both Stefan and Elena were still very concerned about him, probably fearful that he would retreat back to the room. He had tried to give them a reassuring smile, to try to ease their minds but he couldn't muster much of one and instead just lowered his eyes back to the book on his lap.

In a blink of eye after that he was staring up at the ceiling of an unknown world, every bit of him in pain as he quickly closed his eyes tight and curled in on himself covering his ears from the loud sounds that seemed to echo around the room. Everything moved in a blur then until now when he found himself in his uncle's library.

"Damon?" Elena whispered next to him and he winced at the sound. She had barely breathed his name and yet it was as if she were shouting in his ear. He didn't respond to her, just continued to stare into a darkened corner. He felt her rub a soothing hand on his arm, it felt like sandpaper against his skin as she stood up and placed a kiss on his crown, it felt like he was hit with a mallet.

She left him then without another word, each step out of the library causing him to wince as the sound reverberated throughout his skull. It was becoming unbearable, as he covered his ears once more and tried to bury his head in his legs. But nothing worked, nothing made it better. Damon wanted to cry out in pain and scream in fury at it but he couldn't utter a single sound as just the sound of his own heart beat hurt him as it pounded in his undead body.

The others were whispering about him in the other room, he could hear them as if they were next to him. He heard his name and heard the worry in their voice but he just wanted them to shut up and stop thinking so loud. He tried to tune them out, he didn't want to hear their mutterings but nothing he did worked and he let out a soft cry in pain.

He didn't know how long he sat there. Time had seemed so irrelevant for so long that he couldn't keep track. It could have been hours or minutes or even seconds but whatever the length he couldn't take it any longer and with surprising speed, even for a vampire, he went around the room closing windows, curtains, putting out the fire in the fireplace and shutting doors. His senses were overwhelmed and he just wanted it dark and silent, just for a few minutes to allow him to think.

With one window left on the far side of the large room, Damon sped over to it, placing his hand on the top of the sill to push it down and closed when he paused.

There was a scent in the air. It was sweet and strong but it was somehow not as overpowering or overwhelming as everything else around him. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, his senses protesting at the overload but the sweet scent became stronger. Opening his eyes he felt the veins under his eyes flutter as his fangs descended painfully and without a second thought he was out in the warm sunlight following the beautiful perfumed scent.

Damon found himself in a large garden that was overgrown with weeds and critters. He weaved in and out of the taw grass quickly, still on the trail. He was no longer in command of his body as it moved on instinct until it came to a sudden stop in front of a man.

The unknown man startled as Damon came up behind him and he screamed as Damon grabbed hold of his neck. The scream pierced Damon's ear but he paid it no mind as he quickly dug his fangs into the man's neck and the first taste of his blood touched his lips.

It was nirvana. The taste was incomparable to anything else on the planet and Damon gripped the man tight to himself and bit further into his jugular. The man screamed and squirmed as hard as a human could but it was no match for a vampire and Damon soon drank him dry until there was nothing left to give.

He released the man's body, ignoring it as it fell into a heavy heap at his feet. Eyes closed still Damon raised his face to the sun, no longer feeling the burn of its rays as the world seemed to silence at last he took a few deep breaths to get his equilibrium only to pause as he smelled the scent again.

"Damon!" Elena's voice shouted nearby and his eyes snapped open to see her staring wide eyed at him, mouth a gap with Stefan and Caroline right behind her. He cocked his head to the side curiously, opening his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He tried a few more times but stopped as the sound of a quick heart beat hit his ears and he turned his head to the other side to trace it, and within the blink of an eye, Damon Salvatore had disappeared.

***((***))***

"How's he doing?" Caroline asked her as Elena exited the library. She gave a small smile and indicated they should go into the kitchen. She busied herself with tidying up, not that there was much to do with Caroline around but it made her feel like she was doing something. "Elena?" Caroline prodded after a few minutes of silence.

Elena sighed and turned around towards the table, crossing her arms over her chest as she bit her lower lip. She didn't know what to say. It was not going as she expected. She was spared having to answer as Stefan came in the back door with a cooler in his hand. He had gone out to a blood bank to grab a fresh supply as Damon was uninterested in what they had, and Stefan had been concerned. They had been giving him a mix of animal blood and human blood and the minimal amount to keep him manageable. On top of all the time they spent in his mind, they figured he would be starving, but as Caroline placed a mug of warm blood in front of him, he just curled in on himself further.

Stefan thought it was because it wasn't as fresh. Damon was somewhat of a blood snob.

"Has he eaten?" Stefan asked placing the cooler on the table. Elena shook her head and Stefan tiredly sat down in a nearby chair.

"I don't understand. I didn't expect him to jump back into being Damon, but, he seems so closed in on himself." Elena sniffed.

"I don't know Elena." Stefan sighed. "I don't think we really ever will. All we can do is be there."

Elena opened her mouth to reply but a scream from outside stopped her as the three vampires all stood at alert. With a quick glance at each other they sped out through the side door and followed the sound to the garden they were having renovated when they came upon Damon.

Elena stopped in her place as Damon dropped the man without a care and tilted his head up towards the sun in delight. Blood covered his clothes, face, arms, anywhere it could have splattered making it appear as if he had bathed in it. The sight frightened her. She had seen Damon feed on a human before but he was always in control. This was anything but.

"Damon!" She gasped out and he turned towards her. His pupils were wide and red as he gazed blankly at her. She wasn't sure what to say after that, after having his attention. Her voice didn't seem to work and by the time she was able to say something it was too late, Damon had disappeared.

"Damon!" Elena shouted and was about to chase after him when she stopped in her place and turned back to Stefan and Caroline as they stood frozen behind her. "Where is Jeremy?" She asked alarmed and Caroline raised her hands quickly to calm her.

"I sent him away, he'll be okay." She said soothingly. "I wasn't sure how Damon would react so I forced him to visit my mom until I call."

"Forced?"

"Compelled." Caroline replied unapologetically.

Elena gave a momentary sigh of relief before taking off after Damon. She wasn't exactly sure on where he was going but she followed the scent of blood as the best bet. She had ran for about a mile when she came upon the first corpse and she paused in her steps horrified. The woman's eyes were still open, fear pouring from them still and her mouth was open wide in a silent scream. Elena felt her heart drop and knew she should take care of the body but instinct told her she should follow Damon instead.

She continued on, running through vast wooded area that surrounded the small town of Carlisle. She paused briefly as she came upon another corpse, and then another and another, her stomach dropping at each one. She came to a full stop as she came to a camp ground just 10 miles outside of town and felt her stomach heave.

There were bodies everywhere, with blood soaking the ground. Elena felt her knees go weak and she dropped to the ground covering her mouth to muffle the scream that was trying to come out. There had to be at least thirty people. Men, women, children. It looked to be some kind of family gathering with a picnic potluck and bbq grill still smoking. She couldn't move from her spot so she just sat there on the ground, staring as tears fell quickly down her pale cheeks until Stefan came to a sudden stop behind her.

"Oh my god." Was his only words.

***((***))***

Damon ran and he felt free. The wind whipping past him as he dodged flora and fauna alike made him feel so alive like he hadn't felt in a very long time. He could feel the blood of his victims coursing through him letting him feel full and it made his skin tingle and warm.

All the pain was gone. He was no longer overwhelmed by his senses, leaving him a feeling of euphoria.

The sun had set some time ago leaving a crescent moon to shine down upon him as he ran through the forest. He didn't know how long he'd been running or how far but it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was free, he was healed, and he felt good.

***((***))***

There was nothing Stefan could really do to cover up the murders. There were too many of them. He stood to the side of the wooded area next to Elena and Caroline as they watched the police and medical examiners collect the bodies and process the scene.

Between the three of them they were able to compel the police and those at the scene that it was a vicious animal attack by a pack of coyotes. Even to Stefan's ears it sounded like a cover up but they were able to disguise Damon's bite marks so no one would consider it a vampire. They'd come back later after everything is done and clean the place of any further evidence.

The other bodies along the trail Caroline had buried as she followed behind them. Stefan was sure nobody would find them so he was counting that as a win, but still things were looking very grim. Damon had just killed 35 people and now he was nowhere to be found. He would be an idiot to not to admit that he was somewhat frightened of what the future holds.

After the police released them they headed back into the woods the way they came, walking in a steady pace in the dark. The scent of blood still permeated the air and Stefan had to fight to keep himself under control. With Damon and Caroline's help he had been able to start drinking human blood, but he still had to fight the bloodlust. It was a battle he supposed he'd have to deal with for as long as he existed, but the feeling of strong and in control was something he would never give up.

Caroline reached for his hand as they walked side by side, entwining their fingers. He looked over to her with a smile and she returned it with sad eyes. He was so appreciative of her. She had no reason to help Damon and yet here she has been the whole time by their side because he was important to both him and Elena. She was the definition of a best friend.

Stefan wondered when all this would be over. It felt like he was taking one step forward then two steps back with Damon and he could see the toll it was taking on Elena. She had been strong through everything, but with each passing step he could tell she was beginning to falter.

Following silently behind her with Caroline's hand gripped tightly in his, Stefan looked up at the crescent moon above and made a silent plea to Damon to come back.

***((***))***

Jeremy walked through the graveyard quietly, trying not to make any disturbances. He knew it was stupid what he was doing but it was better that he go then let Bonnie find out.

He had been sitting in a booth at the Mystic Grill, playing with the remaining fries on his plate when Tyler came in and headed right towards him. Jeremy was surprised to see him as Tyler had sided with Matt and Bonnie about the vampires leaving Mystic Falls.

"Hey." Tyler said as he approached him. He looked around the room quickly before sitting down in the seat across from him, clasping his hands.

"What do you want?" Jeremy asked sourly. Tyler had been a real friend to him the past year but he had felt betrayed that he had wanted to kick Elena out of their hometown.

"I came to warn you, there's a vampire in town." Tyler told him, his eyes anywhere but on Jeremy.

"And, so?"

"So you should probably check it out before Bonnie or Matt gets wind." Tyler suggested, and without any further word he left as quickly as he appeared.

Jeremy had been confused at the warning as he was sure that if there were any vampire around they would quickly neutralize it, but after a second thought he quickly got up from the booth, placing a twenty down to settle his bill and ran out to his car to grab some gear.

The only reason he could reason that Tyler would warn him instead of just taking care of it, was the vampire was someone they knew. Jeremy drove around for a bit, looking for any sign, and not seeing any he headed over to the Salvatore Boarding house. Parking outside the large mansion Jeremy got out of the car and looked up at the big house. Everything was dark and quiet, and by the looks of things, the only disturbances around was from him and the sheriff when they come to check on the place.

Giving an annoyed sigh Jeremy turned back to his car, and placed his cross bow in the passenger seat. He stared at it for a moment, wondering what the hell he was doing. With Silas gone there was no need for hunters, and though he still felt it inside himself, he was pretty sure most of the curse, and that's how he viewed it, was gone.

Giving one last sigh he stepped back from the car and closed the door and turned around, jumping in surprise at the person who stood quietly behind him.

"Rick! What the hell." He gasped startled, his back hitting the side of the car.

"Sorry Jer." He said simply and gave a sad smile.

"Where have you been?" Jeremy asked saddened. "We could have used your help."

Alaric gave him a sadder smile but didn't reply and if Jeremy was honest he didn't expect him to. He knew Alaric felt that being around would hinder them more than help. He was dead and he couldn't do anything unless Jeremy was around to be a translator. And Jeremy knew that Rick wanted him to live his life.

"Hey Jeremy." Rick replied softly.

"Since you're here I'm guessing the vampire is Damon." Jeremy stated, not really needing an answer. Ricks presence was enough proof that he was right.

"He's in the graveyard. Talking to me."

"And yet you are here, talking to me instead." Jeremy joked, placing his keys in his pocket and heading out into the woods.

Rick followed beside him as they headed towards the old graveyard just outside Mystic Falls. It was a stupid thing to do, he knew, being as Jeremy was acutely aware of what roamed in the night in Mystic Falls, but somehow the presence of his former teacher and friend made him feel somewhat safe and secure.

"You should probably call Elena or Stefan." Rick suggested. "I can't really speak for his current state but we all know how Damon gets."

Jeremy gave a light Chuckle and reached for his phone in his pocket to send off a quick text to his sister and Damon's brother. The two had walked in silence the rest of the way, no words needed to be exchanged between the two. As they approached the graveyard Jeremy had tried to tread lightly, not wanting to startle a potentially dangerous creature.

He heard Damon before he saw him. The vampire seemed to be talking to thin air as nobody else was around, but Jeremy knew different. He had known that in the course of the year since Rick had died, Damon had come out there several times to converse with his head friend.

Jeremy glanced at Rick, noting the sad expression on his features and knowing that though they couldn't see him, Rick had always been there to listen. He couldn't even fathom really what Damon would reveal as whenever he stumbled upon the vampire he would quickly turn around and leave, not wanting to intrude. But from the sympathetic expression from his friend, Jeremy could surmise that it wasn't Damon's normal BS.

"Who's there?" Damon's voice floated to him, surprisingly not as hostile as Jeremy had expected.

"It's ok, tell him it's you." Rick advised next to him.

Jeremy gave another nod and took a few more steps out to leave the protection of the trees. "It's Jeremy." He said simply, stepping into view of Damon.

He met Damon's eyes, not sure what to expect but the vampire just met his gaze for a moment unblinkingly before relaxing back against the headstone he was resting on. Taking that as a sign Jeremy took several more steps towards him until he was standing directly across from him.

"Don't worry Jer, he won't hurt you." Rick advised next to him, and though the words seemed unlikely somehow he believed them.

Sitting down on the tombstone behind him Jeremy took in Damon's appearance. He hadn't been there when he had woken up, being compelled by Caroline to go visit her mom. He was angry that she had done that but he understood why. There was no telling what state Damon would come out of, if he did at all, and both Stefan and Elena hadn't fed since going in. Three ravenous vampires would be hard to control.

But spending time with the Sheriff had been a nice change. Though he did have an icy homecoming from his three former friends, spending time with humans again reminded him that he was not part of the supernatural world, and he resolved himself to putting himself more out into the human world again.

Jeremy put those thoughts aside for now though as he took in Damon's appearance. The normally immaculate vampire seemed haggard in some way. His clothes were different from when he last saw him but they were torn and covered with dirt and blood, and his face though still youthful and beautiful, at the same time showed every bit his 170+ years.

In essence Damon looked warily and tired, and Jeremy really couldn't blame him. He had thought long and hard about what being a vampire would mean since he had first learned of Anna's true origin, and after Damon had snapped his neck, Jeremy was determined to not become one. It was not a life that he would truly want. To him the life of a vampire was violent and lonely even when one had friends and family around. It was not a life for him.

"What are you doing here Damon?" Jeremy asked him. Damon looked up at him for a moment before training his eyes back on his friend's headstone.

"I needed a friend." He said simply. Jeremy looked over to Rick for what to say but the man remained ever silent.

"What about Elena?" He asked. "Or Stefan?"

"I can't go to them." Damon responded despondently and Jeremy frowned.

"How come?"

Damon remained silent and it stretched out for quite a bit. Jeremy wasn't sure if he would answer, and was even vaguely concerned that he had retreated inside himself again. He once again looked over to Rick for advice and the man finally stepped up and sat down on the ground next to his friend.

"Ask him what he did." Rick instructed.

"What did you do Damon?" Jeremy asked. "What would make you think you can't go to Elena."

Damon swallowed hard before looking to the side away from where Rick sat. Jeremy was tempted to tell him that his friend was sitting just to the right of him, but obviously Rick didn't want Damon to know he was there.

"I killed people." He admitted and Jeremy quirked a brow.

"That's not something new." He replied, jumping as Damon replied with a growl towards him. He knew it was the wrong thing to say when Rick rolled his eyes.

"Tell him why he killed them." Rick instructed again.

Jeremy inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly to help slow his heart rate. "How come you killed them? Were you confused?" He asked.

Damon shook his head, looking back down at the ground. "Everything was just too much. I wanted it all to stop but then I smelled it."

"It?"

"Blood." Rick answered for him and it made sense.

"I killed that man and the pain receded, but then Elena was behind me." Damon said. "She was so horrified. I couldn't take it."

"I don't believe she was horrified that you had killed someone Damon." Jeremy soothed, and he believed it. Before, yes she would be but the past few years of being around vampires and especially since she transitioned…she didn't like it, and avoided it like the plague but she did understand. From what Jeremy could gather though it's not something a human can fully grasp until they were in the situation of being a hungry vampire, but she accepted it.

"You don't understand." Damon stated grimly. "Your sister has the power to completely destroy me. I know it's wrong but all my humanity rests on her. I can't help it, she just, makes me want to be better. I had been so lost for so long and then here come Elena and everything is turned upside down."

"It's the same for her you know." Jeremy said easily, knowing it was the truth.

Damon barked out a laugh. "Hardly."

"It's true." Jeremy said firmly. "You all have Elena up on this crazy pedestal but she's no different from everyone else, she's just more vocal about her point of view and what she finds right and wrong. And to be honest that line she believes is becoming more and more blurry as time goes on. Sometimes I swear the only thing that holds her together is you."

"How?" Damon asked gravely, but Jeremy could see that he had Damon's complete attention, and the encouraging smile from Rick told him he was on the right path.

"Because she sees you and knows that control is possible. That she doesn't have to be a vicious killer." He explained truthfully. "But the most important thing is that she knows if she messes up or goes too far you will be there to catch her and put her back."

"What if I fail Jeremy? What if I fail your sister and she turns out worse than Stefan?" Damon asked. "There's a reason old vampires are hard to come by. It's because they can't take it and they get caught or end their own lives."

"Wouldn't know they're rare from crap around here." Rick mumbled causing Jeremy to chuckle a bit.

"Well if that's her path than that's it but you can't just assume that is what will happen. You can't just give up before you even try. For all you know you two have a hundred or more years of pure bliss together. Are you really going to give up on the possibility of happiness just because there's a chance it will all go to hell?"

Damon sat in silence contemplating what Jeremy had said. He hoped he was able to get through to Damon, the consequences of not were too great. He knew in his heart that if Damon were to leave in any way Elena would not be far behind. His sister was dead, she had died when she drowned and they lost their last parental figure. But he was lucky, and he knew it, that she was still around at least in some form. Jeremy was under no delusion that the loss of Damon would cause Elena to fade away, and he wanted her to stay for as long as he could keep her. They had both had far too much loss in their lives and as Damon was her anchor, she was his.

"He needs a friend." Rick said solemnly. "He doesn't trust easily, but once you have it, he's not someone you want to let go of."

Jeremy nodded in understanding, watching the vampire.

"He spent a lot of time here before. He would just talk." He said. "I don't think he's ever had a real friend before me."

Nodding again Jeremy got his message, he wanted Jeremy to try to be friends with Damon. It was a task that was no doubt going to be taxing and exhausting but Jeremy believed Rick. Once you had Damon's trust, he would do anything for you. It was something he had witnessed over and over again since he and Elena had become friends, and even to some extent Caroline.

Jeremy's phone beeped, startling him from his thoughts. He looked towards Damon who didn't seem to notice and then glanced towards Rick only to see that he was no longer there. His heart sank, he longed to talk to him again, but he understood Rick's position.

Taking his phone out of his pocket he glanced down and read the text. It was from Stefan telling him they were on their way to the boarders of Mystic Falls to pick him up. He gave a smile to his phone before putting it back into his pocket and standing up.

"Come on Damon, we gotta get you out of Mystic Falls. All vampires have been officially kicked out." He said and Damon looked up at him.

"Not all, the mutt is still around." He jeered. "I can smell him. It's like a wet dog that's been rolling in their own crap."

Jeremy gave a hearty laugh and reached his hand out for the vampire who took it without hesitation. Once he was up they stood in front of the grave marker that was the remaining symbol of their friend.

"I miss him you know." Damon admitted, surprising Jeremy. "I had always figured that I would lose them both someday. Rick before Elena obviously, but I never thought I'd have to lose one to keep the other."

"I know. It's not an easy pill to swallow." Jeremy agreed, furrowing his brow. "But you should have known you would have gotten Elena. I suppose it was inevitable that she would someday turn."

"No." Damon disagreed. "I would have done anything I could to have kept her human. She never wanted this."

Jeremy gave a surprised glance at Damon, not expecting that. "You would have given up my sister?"

"Elena never wanted to be a vampire. She wanted to grow up, grow old. She wanted to have a family and a life." Damon responded knowingly.

"And you would have been fine with that?"

"Of course not." Damon scoffed. "But it's what she had wanted and I would have done anything to give it to her."

"I don't know what to say to that." Jeremy admitted. It was no secret that despite his affections for his sister, Damon Salvatore was a selfish man.

"There's nothing to say lil' Gilbert. I've lived a long time, and I figured…that would be about the time to finally give in."

"To die?" he asked surprised again.

Damon gave a tired sigh and reached his arm around Jeremy's shoulder and began to guide him out of the grave yard. "I died in 1864 mini Gilbert. I've just been a beautiful corpse since."

"That's really gross dude."

***((***))***

A/N: There will be one more chapter to wrap it up (unless i screw myself over again). Feel free to tell me what questions need answering so I can include it in the wrap up.

Also I have a short chapter's worth of "rejected sections" Which is basically me trying to write a chapter but deciding to go a different direction. If you have any interest I can post it after the last chapter, but let me know, i don't want to post it if no one really cares.