The Uncanny Avengers

Chapter 16: Avengers Parade

By

The Uncanny R-Man

Disclaimer: 'Smite me, O mighty smiter!'- Bruce Nolan (Bruce Almighty)

Avengers Mansion-

It was a special day at the home of Earth's Mightiest Heroes. It was the anniversary of the day the Avengers first formed. It had all started out as a ploy by Loki, the God of Evil, to trick the Hulk into destroying Thor, the God of Thunder. Of course things didn't quite go as Loki had planned. His plan to destroy his half-brother ended up with the formation of the Earth's Mightiest Heroes.

'Oh God, I'm late…' Janet Van Dyne muttered to herself as she struggled to put on her boots as she ran down the stairs. The Winsome Wasp was dressed in one of her old costumes. It was a green bodysuit with a neckline in the shape of a large pink W with matching boots and gloves. It was the same outfit that she was wearing during all that business with the Beyonder the first time around. (1)

'I told you we'd be late.' Hank Pym shook his head. The size-changing hero was dressed in his old blue-and-yellow Goliath costume. 'I don't know why you keep all those old costumes.'

'They're retro-chic, darling.' Jan responded as she finally managed to fit her foot inside her boot. 'It's all the rage nowadays.'

'Thank goodness that Tony doesn't take as much notice of fashion as you do.' Hank chuckled. 'Otherwise he'd be wearing that old clunky grey armour of his. I'm surprise he was even able to move in that thing back in the day. It must have weighed a ton.'

Jan stopped to check up on her hair and makeup in front of a mirror before heading downstairs where the rest of the Avengers were waiting.

'Glad to see that you could make it, guys.' Spider-Man quipped. 'If you were up there any longer we would have sent out a search party.'

'You know what it's like…' Jan smiled. 'I can never decide what to wear.'

'Are we all ready to leave then?' Captain America asked his teammates. 'Are we all here?'

'All present and accounted for.' Iron Man answered. 'As long as Jan doesn't have a last minute change of heart.'

'Oh, very funny, Shell Head.' Jan rolled her eyes. 'Let's just go out there and meet our adoring public, okay?'

A little while later-

The Avengers were standing on a parade float flanked by dancers and acrobats dressed as other former members. The float was following a brass band as it headed down the street. Squirrel Girl could barely believe that she was in a parade with the World's Mightiest Heroes.

'Who would have thought that I'd be taking pride of place in a parade with the Avengers.' The fluffy-tailed heroine squeaked in excitement as she waved to the crowd. 'It's like a dream come true!'

'Welcome to the big leagues, kiddo.' She-Hulk patted the younger heroine on the back. 'There's no going back now.'

'I just wish that Mr Immortal and the rest of the GLA were here to see me.' Squirrel Girl sighed sadly. 'I really do miss them.'

'Well, you sent them an invitation.' Ms Marvel reminded her. 'Maybe they were too busy. God knows what they were too busy doing. Milwaukee isn't exactly a hive of villainous activity.'

'Now Carol, the Great Lakes Avengers may not be the most famous of heroes, but that doesn't make them any less heroes than us.' Captain America pointed out.

'Uh-oh. Look out, Spider.' Black Cat grimaced as she noticed a familiar figure in the crowd standing at the side of the road. Spider-Man looked over to see where his teammate was pointing and saw J Jonah Jameson at the front of the crowd.

'You're a menace, Wall-Crawler!' The Daily Bugle's publisher yelled. 'You've got no right be on that float!'

'Aww, isn't that sweet?' Spider-Man smiled. 'Jonah took time out of his busy schedule to come heckle me. It makes you feel so loved, doesn't it?'

'Think about how poor Jen feels.' Wonder Man chipped in. 'She's dating his son!'

'Ooh, nasty.' Spidey grimaced. 'Family dinners must be super-awkward.'

'You have no idea.' She-Hulk shook her head.

'I've been in plenty of these parades, but I'm still amazed to see so many people in the crowd.' The Scarlet Witch said.

'I am always glad to see the people of fair Midgard.' Thor nodded in agreement. 'it doth do my heart well to see so many happy people.'

'Heh. Trust a god to enjoy people worshipping him.' Spider-Man snickered. 'I guess you're used to it, right buddy?'

'I am many things, Spider-Man, but conceited is not one of them.' Thor shook his head. 'I doth enjoy seeing the adoring public, but I do not crave their adoration.'

'Heh. Who'da thunk it?' She-Hulk smirked. 'Humility from the God of Thunder. You weren't always like this, Blondie.'

'Aye, that is correct.' Thor nodded. 'I didst used to be quite the arrogant blackguard.'

'We all have our faults, Thor.' Iron Man added. 'The less said about my early years, the better.'

'Mine too.' The Scarlet Witch nodded. It was a well-known fact that the mutant witch used to be a part of Magneto's Brotherhood of Mutants.

Wanda Maximoff wasn't the only Avenger that used to be a villain, however. Apart from the aforementioned brushes with the law, Black Cat used to be a cat burglar, and Wonder Man was once arrested for embezzling funds from his own company.

'Gee, it's a surprise that there's any room for us law-abiding citizens on the team.' Spider-Man quipped. 'Uh-oh. Spider-sense: Tingling…'

The Wall-Crawler looked up in the sky as he started to feel and all too-familiar tingling sensation at the back of his head.

KABOOM!

The parade float the Avengers were standing on exploded in a giant ball of flame. Fortunately, the heroes were able to get out of the way in time.

The Avengers began to pick themselves up only to see that they were surrounded by an army of robots dressed in green hooded cloaks. Doombots!

'Spider-Man, Squirrel Girl, Black Cat, Wasp, Goliath. Get the civilians out of the way.' Captain America ordered his teammates. 'Everybody else is with me! AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!'

TBC…

Next: Doomed From the Start

Will the avengers be able to defeat the army of Doombots? Why does Doctor Doom want to disturb the parade? Is Doctor Doom even behind the attack? Tune in next time to find out…

Author's Notes-

(1)- As seen in the original Secret Wars series.