Authors Note- Hope the week is going good for ya'll! This chapter is a little rocky, so please bear with me on this one.

Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.

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EPOV

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Things felt to have gotten fucking bad since I dropped Bella off with her things on Sunday, October 12th. She was able to get around by herself now, even though she was still in a bit of pain. I missed her like hell at nighttime, and I was sure the feeling was mutual. Almost every night she will call at around one in the morning if she isn't asleep, and she makes me talk to her over the phone until we fall asleep together. It's not the same as wrapping her in my arms, but it sure as hell is something. I'd never been so thankful for a phone in my entire life.

I went over to her house just yesterday, and brought her some mushroom ravioli from her favorite Italian place. We spent some time together, lazing around in bed and doing nothing much else. We watched a few movies, and messed around on the internet. It was nice just being ourselves, not even having to have a good time in order for it to happen. When her father came home and was poking around, I'd left Bella with a kiss on her lips, because at that point it was ten thirty.

I knew that Bella was planning on getting an apartment after a few months at her new job, with a stable income that would be her plan, and I was actually excited about it for her. She loved her father, I could clearly tell by how positively talked about him and acted around him, but she has expressed that she would like to have her own space. She'd very much suggested that I could stay with her and we could do our…nighttime activities…in private without worrying that someone will hear what we are doing.

She's been talking about it more now, so I am sure once she is able, she will be circling ads in the newspaper with red marker.

We haven't broached the subject of living together, but I honesty don't think right now would be the best time anyways. I couldn't leave the rent of the apartment up to Jasper, and utilities, it wouldn't be fucking fair to him. He has always been a great friend, and I couldn't ever leave him high and dry like that. I also think that our relationship probably has a lot of developing until we take that step and decide to move in together.

Now, Halloween was soon approaching, and I'd talked to Bella about it, she was excited to be handing out candy, Halloween is her favorite holiday, and I told her I'd come over and do it with her at her house because there was nothing to do here besides sit around. It's not like people apartment trick-or-treat, but if they did, Jasper was going to be armed with candy. I wouldn't put it past him to eat it and just put a fucking 'nobody home' sign on the door.

Bella's father was going to be cruising around neighborhoods, starting a shift at five, keeping an eye on kids that were going to be out for the holiday, and then he had a shift afterwards, that would run until seven in the morning the next day so we would be alone for the entire time basically.

I had Halloween off, Dr. Kane and Dr. Lavine gave us a privilege of having the day off. I worked in the afternoon on Friday at the library before going to Bella's. Bella had also said that I could stay overnight with her if I wanted to. I still hadn't told her I would, I was a little wary of her father being around in the morning, but if she really wanted me to be there, I would fucking do it for her. I wanted her to be happy, that was my main goal.

It's already October 23rd, a Thursday. The beginning of the week was a little busy, but I was still getting a fucking grasp on it. The hospital has been a little unusually busy, but I enjoy the challenge and being kept busy is always welcomed in my world.

This morning I'd actually gotten a call from Carlisle, and apparently my mother has been snooping around the area. I have been doing my residence at Northwest Hospital and Medical Center. UW Medicine affiliated with UW. And Carlisle works at Virginia Mason Hospital downtown; they have a private care system, but they still have an Emergency Department.

Apparently my mother showed up early this morning at Virginia Mason Hospital, asking about me, and Carlisle had heard my name tossed in as he was heading to the front for a chart on a patient. Carlisle has never met my mother, but he said that the moment he looked at her, that he knew something was weird. He said he could identify the color of the hair anywhere, and went on telling me how much I looked like her. I bet if I gave him a picture of my father in his twenties when he first married my mother, he'd think it was me besides the brown hair. I had the same face structure and everything. It was the reason I never fucking stared in the mirror longer than necessary.

And Carlisle, trying to be respectful...He fucking told her that he and Esme were the ones that had adopted me. This angered me for a moment, but I knew that Carlisle was an honest man, and he was trying to do right by me. He told her to give me space, and if I wanted to talk, I would talk to her myself. I appreciated the hell out of that, and I respected Carlisle very much for saying the right thing.

" Hey, dude, you alright?" Jasper asked, taking a swig of his Diet Pepsi.

Since we are always fucked coped up in the apartment or busy with school shit, Jasper and I said fuck it with takeout and got of our asses and headed to Volturi Bar and Grill for real food. We haven't had real food in what feels like weeks, and we both had free time so we just headed out a half hour ago and wandered over here to get something to eat.

" Sorry, spacing out. It's becoming a fucking habit."

" I can tell. So, how's things with Bella?" he asked, stabbing his chicken.

" Mm, alright." I said skeptically.

" You guys just seem to fucking fight over shit."

" That was one fucking bad thing, and I was the fucking idiot in that."

He smirked. " She's got you whipped."

" Yeah, probably does. I fucking love her."

His fork clanked against his plate, and I glared at him over the table. It was like he didn't think I could love anybody or some shit. Yes, I can be in love. Even if this is the fucking first time I've ever felt like this. It's not like I am prone to it for fucks sake.

" Edward Masen, in love?"

" Fuck you." I said with a laugh

" Have you told her?"

" Oh, no, Jazz. I am so nervous; I want it to be perfect." I said in a girly sarcastic voice.

" Screw you, I was just curious."

" No, I haven't told her anything yet. I've not been with her for more than a few months, and I don't want to freak her the fuck out."

He scoffed, " I told Alice I loved her after three months."

" Bella isn't as...hyper, happy, I love life...You know what the fuck I am talking about."

Jasper shrugged, " I guess, but the longer you wait, it's going to be harder to keep in. I mean, are you like really fucking in love with her, or is it because you guys are screwing around?"

I hadn't gotten any real action since Victoria, if only Jasper fucking knew that. He would laugh at me if I told him that I was the one holding back from Bella in that certain aspect of our relationship.

" Yeah, okay." I said with a snort, taking a huge bite of my pasta.

" Oooh, something going on? Someone sounds discouraged. Bella Swan not putting out for you?"

" I'm not fucking talking about it. We aren't gossiping old ladies, and you'd fucking laugh at me."

" Oh, fuck that. We aren't gossiping old ladies."

" Bella is more than willing, I'm not."

He looked at me incredulously, like I was crazy. " You're messing with me."

" No, I'm not fucking with you. Look, I'm not waiting for the moment to be extra special, but I fucking want it to be right, not just because we want some. She's different than Victoria, a lot different. I'd feel shitty if all she thought was sex is what I am in for."

" I guess I can see that. I don't know how you stay away from her though. I love Alice, but Bella is se-"

I glared at him, " Stop there. Just fucking stop. I don't want to hear it."

He laughed, " Fine, whatever."

I took a swig of my beer and leaned back. " That was fucking good. I was getting tired of fast food burgers."

" Amen to that, man. Never thought I'd see the day where I got tired of beef."

I picked up the tab on this bill, and we chilled around for awhile, having a few more drinks from the bar and then headed back to the apartment. We weren't fucking drunk or anything of the sort, and got into the apartment safely. Jasper called Alice back, immediately heading for his room without another word, and I walked into my own room.

It felt nice to get out of the apartment for awhile, it was fucking refreshing. I was grateful to have an earlier day off, and Jasper and I haven't really fucking talked for more than ten minutes in awhile. It seemed like when we were in our dorm we talked a bit more. Yeah, I still sometimes isolate myself, but Jasper is a good friend, always has been.

I messed around on my laptop for awhile, sitting in bed, and I got a call from Bella at around one as I was getting ready to get some sleep. I sat in bed and flipped the lamp on so that I could see.

" Hey, green eyes." I heard her said into the phone.

" Hello, sunshine. Everything okay?"

" Yeah, I just missed you today. It's fucking crazy."

" It isn't. I missed you, too."

" Come here...I want you to hold me."

" You know I would if I could. But I have the hospital, and class this week and work. I am hoping during the weekend I will have some free time. I work Saturday almost all day, but maybe I can pick you up, you can stay over and we can go do something on Sunday if you feel up to it. Go out to dinner maybe."

" Are you asking me out on a date?"

" Do I have to ask?"

She laughed, " No, you don't ever have to ask."

" Good, because I plan to steal you away as often as I can these days. I fucking miss you being here."

" I know, I miss you, too. We should just get an apartment together."

" Mm, oh, yeah?" I asked.

" I'm fucking serious. I miss you like hell when you aren't around, and I just wish you were here." she said in a serious tone, with no hint of being whiney or playful.

" I know. Maybe months down the line we can think about it."

" What, you mean like when I actually get one? I'm hoping beginning of February."

" Maybe next summer, after you get settled completely with work and an apartment." I said gently, not wanting to hurt her feelings..

" Summer? Really, Edward?" she asked, surprised.

I cleared my throat. " Yeah...I mean, I have more to think about then just what I want, Bella."

" What do you mean?"

" I am not going to leave Jasper with the rent for this place, and utilities. It wouldn't be fair, and I have no time right now for packing my shit and leave, and I still think we should...wait before we take that step."

" Edward, I lived with you for how long when I got my surgery? Like three weeks."

" Look, I care about you very much. I don't want to ruin this and move too fast. Can we just put this one on the backburner? When you find an apartment, we can talk about it more, make plans for something. Let's just take what's going on by day right now."

" You know, I don't get why you keep holding us back."

Fucking damnit, this was what I was avoiding by trying to be nice and not hurt her feelings. Mission fucking failed.

" Bella, I'm not holding us back. Moving in together is a big fucking decision."

" Yeah, you are holding us back, and I don't get it. You don't want to have sex with me; you don't even want to move in with me when I get my apartment. What do you want to do, Edward? Seriously?"

" I-"

" We are on the phone every night, and you tell me how much you miss me, and want me in your arms. And then I tell you that we could make that happen in the future and you hesitate. Is it too much of a commitment for you?"

" Look, I d-"

" I'm tired of th-"

" Fuck! Stop interrupting me goddamn it! What, you want me to move into your apartment and we can have sex all fucking day and do what you want? I'm sorry if I have fucking values, and I want us to take a normal pace so that this won't get fucked up because we went too fast. And you keep fucking pushing me to do all this shit."

" You know what, I'm just tired of this."

" Well, you started it this time. I'm going to fucking bed, goodnight."

I hung up my phone and pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes, groaning. I was fucking tired of fighting, I hated this, and I didn't fucking ask for this to happen. She was making this it into more than need be.

Fuck this.

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I went to bed early that night, my phone turned off. I was at the point of knowing that I would do something stupid, or say something stupid if she called me right now. Locking my door, I slept in only my boxers under the covers. I could smell Bella's faint scent on my pillow, and I closed my eyes and breathed it in, hoping all of this stress would just disappear. It didn't.

Early in the morning, I had gotten up, glad it was Friday, and got ready to head over to the hospital. Jasper gave me space; I think he knew that Bella and I got into another fight, probably by my yelling over the phone. I drank a cup of coffee, trying to boost myself up from only getting three fucking hours of sleep last night.

I turned my phone on, and I had no missed calls or messages.

I was unsure whether or not to be relieved. At one point, I figured it was that she was pissed at me and didn't want to talk, or she just wasn't calling because she was upset. Stopping my train of thoughts, I headed to my car, got in and headed towards the hospital.

Today was a pretty normal paced day, I kept busy and Dr. Levine was talking a lot about setting bones, and dislocations. As of now, we have been doing transfusions, basic physicals, IV's and simple things like that. Of course, there was no way they were going to give us a patient and try and set the bone, no fucking way.

We'd been learning in class, books teach us the right way to hold it, depending on where it is. They were teaching us how to grip the arm or other part of the anatomy, and how to set the bone quickly without inflicting much pain upon a patient. I knew about these things, but it was different when watching a doctor do the procedure. Not all of the people in the residency are becoming ER Physicians. I work a lot with Dr. Levine; he does a lot of it, too.

The class that I've been taking besides doing the residency collaborates with what Dr. Kane and Dr. Levine teach us or focus on during a day. It's always one cue and they go together well, it's rarely ever moving at a pace where the two are consistent.

I know I'm not going to be the doctor that loiters around checking on patients all the time, I'm going to be front and fucking center by those doors, checking people over to see how they need to be treated the moment the walk in. It's going to be a rush. If there is someone with internal bleeding, they will be handed off to the nearest doctor while I check on the person who has a fucking bone sticking out of there leg that also walked in, or pronouncing the death of someone I wanted to save, but they just didn't make it.

But I still need to know all of these things. I won't always have one after another, and I will need to help out regular doctors if they really need to be. It's not always going to be one after another after another, which is also something to be understood when getting into this.

" Now, you don't want to just move the bone slowly during this process. Most of the time it needs to be jerked into place because it's not going to move unless you use a force. Gripping one side of the forearm, from about where the break is, and around the wrist, it's jerked into place, depending on where the break is located; if it's to the left, or to the right. Always keep a hand on the wrist, if that were to falter, the bone could move even more out of place and dislocate it further."

As he went on, all of us intently listened. We'd seen him fix one before, but he said there would be a long while before he let us do it ourselves. It's not like he can give us a guy with a dislocated arm and be all like fucking; ' Here, try on this one and see if you can do it.' These are human beings, not fake people.

I had a quick lunch, another cup of coffee and a granola bar, not considered enough; but considered to be enough right now. My appetite wasn't really at a high at the moment. I felt the stress about what's going on with Bella and I, and I didn't want this shit to happen with us. It's not how things are supposed to go.

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" Two days. So, what? I can't get a break for a few days. I'm tired of fighting."

" You shouldn't have to need a break from our relationship, and I don't want to fight with you either. I just don't fucking get why I have to move into an apartment with you to prove how much I care about you. I want to take this slow."

" It's not even about taking it slow, Edward. I just want to wake up to you every single day, I want you to hold me, I want to look forward for you to crawl into bed at night after a long shift. I'm offering this to you, and you're not taking."

" Bella, I want to, but I want us to take a slower pace. It's not been just a few months; I want us to do more before taking a big leap and doing that."

" Fuck taking it slow, and building up damn steps to the peak of perfection. That's just...stupid."

" Well then I guess you call my damn values stupid."

" I'm just done with this, Edward."

She hung up the phone and I didn't hear another word from the other end of the phone. I was done reaching out at this point, she could call me, text me or do whatever the hell she wants when she is ready, but I wasn't about to wait around for her to come around, be civil and calm about it before I got this reaction. But now until then; fuck it. I didn't know if some other shit was going on to make her act like this towards me, but she's never been this way. All pissed off and defensive. It's unfamiliar to me, and I don't like it one fucking bit.

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October 30th

Thursday

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" Hey, I got your message. Everything okay?" I heard her voice and I felt calm almost immediately.

Alice always was able to do that. She was always the number one person I went to if I needed to talk about something, and I fucking needed to right now. She could calm me down from my freak outs, and besides Alice, Bella also helped in that way, too. A big reason I was attracted to Bella was because she could take my attention away from any stress that was going on. Except this time she was adding to it.

" No, not right now." I stated, walking up and down the sidewalk outside the building. I was on break.

" What's going on?"

" Have you talked to Bella? Is something going on with her I don't fucking know."

" Ahh, I figured you call. Edward, I don't want to get in the middle."

" Ali, I'd never do that to you. Just tell me if something is going on with her. We're fucking fighting about us fighting. We've had like three fights this month alone, and shit is going downhill."

" She told me that you don't want to move in an apartment with her."

" I told her I wanted to wait to the summer. Alice, do you think it's wrong that I just want to make this go in a good order? I want us to start going out on fucking dates, I want us to experience more with each other before moving in. I feel if we go to fast, we have nothing to look forward to."

" I know what you mean, Edward. I mean, that's a big reason Jasper and I were okay with being apart, it makes the heart grow fonder, as stupid as it sounds. But we can still look forward to the future, but yet still see each other. I really think you and Bella need to talk in person, and be done with the phone conversations."

" I haven't seen her since...fucking forever."

" Edward, she misses you, she told me yesterday that she did. Be glad she's only a ten minute drive away. You should get your ass over there and talk to her."

" After the hospital, I'll go over there. Thanks, Alice."

" No! Go now, that would be romantic."

" I would, but I still have to finish, I can't just leave. Shit, Alice, incoming call. But thanks, I love you, I'll call you this weekend."

" Okay, love you, brother. Bye."

I switched calls and answered it, not bothering to check the caller ID. I rarely had any toll free calls, or anything else that was bogus, so I didn't really give a shit about it

" Hello."

" Hey."

Her voice was quiet, timid, and she clearly sounded like she was upset right now. It was ironic, I'd just been talking to Alice on how to fucking fix our two previous fights. One about the apartment, and one about why we were fighting in the first place, and that one turned out to almost be worse than the last

I'd called her up to try and resolve it, and she freaked the fuck out. We didn't talk for two days after that one. The one about us fighting happened three whole days ago. I haven't talked to her at all since, and I didn't bother to contact her because I didn't want to make it worse. I decided then that she could come to me, and then we could talk. I wasn't fucking calling again, and I am sure she probably realized that when I was silent for a good amount of time.

" Hi."

" I'm sorry for...everything. I was being a bitch, and I just...Edward, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." She ranted immediately, catching me off guard.

I'd noticed that she also sounded like she had been crying a lot. Her voice sounded a bit raspy to me.

" Babe, why are you crying?"

The nickname slipped out before I could stop it, but she didn't respond to that at all.

" Because...I was sitting here, thinking about how it would be like if we broke up like this, and how you would hate me, and I just; I need you, so much more than you could ever imagine, Edward. I feel like I lost some part of me, and I don't want to feel like this. I don't want you to be angry at me. I feel like someone just took half of me."

My heart clenched upon hearing her periodic sobs, and her words upset me. I hated knowing that she felt that way, and I could hear the genuine apology in her voice as she said all of this to me. I was quiet for a moment before saying the first thing that came to mind. I never wanted her to think that I hated her, that was the furthest from the truth if she only knew it.

" Bella, I don't hate you." I assured her.

" Promise me."

" I promise you."

" I'm sorry, Edward. I'm so sorry.

" Look, I'm getting off early today at the hospital. Can you be dressed at eight fifteen? We'll go get some coffee and talk. I'll pick you up, okay?"

" Okay." She said, sniffing.

We said our goodbyes over the phone, but it didn't feel the same as it used to. It held sadness and a longing that felt weird and foreign to me.

How did things go downhill so fast?

Authors Note- Alright, I hope you all can bear with me. I also hope you all don't find Bella as a total super bitch! We're getting into the story-line people!

Previous Question(My Answer)-How many of you are those people that have to get over it and just understand?

Yes! I have dealt with a lot of that. It can be frustrating, but it makes you a good person to be able to understand, no matter how hard it is.

NEW QUESTION!- Ever miss someone like crazy, even if it's only been a few days?

Leave me a cool answer, and I will respond best I can! Tell me about your thoughts on the chapter; it helps motivate me to write quicker when I get lots and lots of thoughts from everyone!

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