All Things Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer, happy TGUT Tuesday :)

Unintentional Beguilement

All these men that you made
how we wither in the shade
of your trees, on your wings
we are carried to the sea
On Your Wings - Iron and Wine

The whole car ride back to the Masen's house was practically in silence. I knew Alice was giving me time to think, but I really didn't want to think anymore, because I didn't have answers. I didn't even know what I wanted, which only seemed to wrap a tumult of confusion and guilt around me.

"Bella," Alice said, finally breaking the silence between us.

I shifted in my seat so I could look at her. She had both hands on the steering wheel, her eyes trained on the road.

"I know you're confused, and I wish I had answers for you, but you're the only one who has the answer to this. I have one question for you though." She hesitated, her eyes flickering to me before training back to the road in front of her.

"Okay," I said, hoping she would follow through. At this point, anything would help the webs of confusion.

"If Leah hadn't said anything, if you didn't know that Jasper was now single, what would you have done?"

It was a difficult question to answer. I had gone to the beach to think things through. Even thinking Jasper was in a relationship, I had been confused.

In some ways I had somewhat made a resolution, I had come to the conclusion that I needed to give Edward a chance. I enjoyed the time I spent with him. I had also decided to make more of an effort to renew my friendship with Jasper, because I realized I needed him in my life.

Yet, knowing he was single made me worry about whether that would be all I wanted from him. I didn't want to hurt Edward.

"I think I had decided to try something with Edward. I also decided I wanted to try and be Jasper's friend."

"What about now? What's changed?"

"What if I choose Edward and decide I've made the wrong choice? I don't want to hurt Edward like that."

Alice sighed. I could see she was becoming as conflicted as I felt about the whole thing.

"Edward's a big boy, Bella. Perhaps you should give him that choice."

"What the hell do you mean?"

"Talk to him, tell him what's going on. If he still wants to take a chance, even though he knows that you still have feelings for Jasper, that's his choice. Just don't take his options away from him or yourself."

"I can't do that."

Couldn't I? If he was aware of exactly what was going on in my head, would he prefer to have the option to continue or quit while we're ahead? I knew there was a strong chance of rejection involved, the question was, was I alright with that?

I think I was, mostly because I would have time to process everything. If he chose the other way, I would know that I was meant to give us a chance, because he was willing to take a risk on me. Maybe it wasn't the best justification in the world, but I needed it to work that way, because I just couldn't make a decision.

"You can, he will appreciate the truth, and my guess is, he'll appreciate the choice."

"I don't know what to say though, Alice. I can't just say, 'Hey, I still think I love Jasper. You okay with that?' It just seems wrong."

Alice snorted. "You would actually say it like that, Bella? Stop being so melodramatic."

"I'm not good at this kind of stuff, Alice."

Alice pulled up into the garage and cut the engine. My heart was in my throat knowing I was so close to talking to Edward. There was no way to avoid this, I lived in the same house as him and couldn't avoid him forever. Alice turned in her seat and took my hands. I knew she was going to help me out and she had no idea how much I appreciated that, there was no way I could do this alone.

"Tell him how you feel, tell him you're confused and you don't know what you want. If I were you, I would just go with it, don't over think things."

"Thanks, Alice."

She grinned and hopped out of the car, waiting for me to catch up before taking off towards the house. I felt calmer now. Knowing that I would have some kind of resolution seemed to ease my conscience. Whatever happened now was going to happen. I just had to deal with it.

I walked into the house, still unsure of how to act. Talking to Alice had been helpful, her insights made more sense to me than my own mind had. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her today. How I had thought I could deal with this on my own was beyond me.

I wasn't sure if he was waiting for us, or it was simply a coincidence, but Edward was coming down the stairs as we came in the front door. My throat felt as though it was closing over in my anxiety, and I knew Alice could sense it. Either that or I just wasn't that good at hiding my emotions.

She squeezed my hand in reassurance before taking off towards the stairs, while I stood frozen at the door, wondering how the hell I was going to do this. I could see the trepidation in Edward's eyes as he appraised me. He was worried I had reneged on everything I had told him in the last couple of weeks.

Guilt swept over me in small waves, and I welcomed it, I deserved it. Even though I was giving him the option, I knew that this shouldn't be an issue; I shouldn't have ever started something I wasn't one hundred percent committed to. I had only given him a part of myself, I was still only giving a part of myself, but now, if he chose to accept that, it was his choice, it would be his decision to take the broken part of me.

I offered him a smile as he approached me slowly, his eyes even more cautious because of the weak attempt I had offered. It was almost as though he were testing the water, unsure of how I would react to him being so close. I felt terrible that I had tainted the memory of last night with my need to over think things. I should have taken up his offer and spent the day with him, but I was selfish.

He took another step towards me; his arms seemed to find magnetism with my waist, snaking around my hips as he pulled me against his body. I relaxed in his arms, my arms circling his waist as my head came to rest on his chest. I listened to his heart thumping against his ribs as he held me close.

We needed to talk, but I reveled in the way I felt calm in his arms. The warmth of his body pressed to mine. I clung to it before I possibly lost it for good.

"You okay?" Edward asked quietly, his face burying in my hair.

I nodded and took a deep breath, readying myself for what I needed to do. What I needed to say next.

"Edward, would you take a walk with me? I think we need to talk."

Edward sighed heavily and stepped out of the embrace. His eyes met mine and he nodded once. I waited as he went to pull on his coat and shoes. My patience faltering with my nerves. I didn't want to do this, I didn't want to have this talk, but I needed him to know what was going on in my head so he could decide for himself.

We walked out into the large yard and made our way to the bench that circled one of the biggest trees in the center of the lawn. The very same place Jasper had confronted us all those weeks before. It felt like a lifetime had passed since then.

I sat first, pulling my knees to my chest as I waited for him to join me. He paced back and forth a couple of steps as I waited, his eyes flickering to me on occasion. I knew my silence to this point had made him anxious, so I almost expected this reaction from him. He was almost as easy to read as I was when he was frustrated.

"Edward, please sit down."

He looked at me, his eyes pleading. I hated seeing him like this, I hated being the one to cause this kind of reaction from him, because he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve to have to worry about all of this when he'd been nothing but honorable and sweet to me. I could see the soundless words playing on his lips as he fought to keep back what he wanted to say. He was giving me the chance to say what I needed to first.

I patted the empty space on the bench beside me, my eyes watching every move he made. There was hesitation behind his green eyes. After another moment of deliberation, he sunk down onto the bench next to me, his body close to mine, his fingers playing with the soles of the boots I was wearing. This close, I could see the slight color change of his eyes. The green was marbled with hard black; it was his anticipation coming to the surface.

I took another deep breath, which only seemed to put him more on edge than he already was. This in itself was turning into a vicious cycle; both of us were making one another more nervous. I wasn't doing a good job of this at all. I had never in my life had to deal with something like this.

"Bella, you're killing me with this silence, please say something."

Nausea rolled through my stomach, I didn't know where it came from, but it bled into my panic making my head spin. I didn't know what to say or how to say it, and it was killing me.

"Edward, I don't even know where to start, and I sure as hell don't know how to say this."

"Saying nothing could possibly be worse than you saying something I don't want to hear. I have an idea of why you were so confused, and I can see the conflict hiding behind those brown eyes of yours. I just need you to tell me what you're thinking before I go insane."

"Edward, last night was amazing . . ."

"But?" he said, his voice full of sadness. It made it so much harder to get out what I needed to say.

"But I felt guilty, because I realized I couldn't give you all of me. Not like I want to."

"You still love, Jasper, don't you?"

"Yes, but I can't seem to stop myself from wanting you as well. I can't choose between you, Edward. So the only thing I can do is offer you a choice. I can't give you all of me, I don't even know how things will turn out, but I'm not ready to say goodbye to you. I'm not ready to let go of this without knowing that I gave it all of my effort; I like you too much to not try. It has to be your choice, I don't want to lie to you and tell you that I choose you, because all I know is that right now, I can't let what we have go."

"Bella, I . . ."

I silenced him, pushing my now cold fingers against his warm full lips. There was more and I needed him to be aware of that, I needed him to know everything before he said what he needed to. He needed to know the facts before he said anything that could give me hope or break me. I was prepared for either and yet would blame him for nothing. This was all me, this was all my selfishness that brought me to where I was now.

"I don't want to be angry at Jasper anymore. I want him in my life." I hung my head, resting my forehead on my knees. "Please, don't worry about me; I have prepared myself for anything you could say, because, quite frankly, it couldn't be any worse than what I've said to myself since waking up this morning."

Now it was my turn to be driven insane by the silence. I wanted so badly to look up from only seeing my denim clad legs, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Whether it was the pain behind his eyes, or disgust, I didn't think I could handle either right now. He deserved nothing but all of me, and I couldn't offer that to him. All I had to give was a broken part of myself, torn apart by stupidity and selfishness.

"Bella, look at me."

I couldn't do it. He asked me for one thing and I couldn't do it.

I felt his hands brush against my knees as he cupped my face in his warm hands. His body slid closer to mine, his torso against my legs. His hands lifted my head and I found I couldn't fight him, even if I'd have wanted to. I couldn't do it by my own volition, but I let him help me, because it's what he needed. It's what he deserved.

"Hey," he said, his eyes careful as he caught my gaze. A small smile played on his lips, but I drew no confidence from it. He was trying to make me comfortable, I didn't need that, I needed the truth, I needed him to tell me what he wanted before I fell apart completely. My nerves were in a tethered state, hanging on by one meager thread. I needed to know.

"I appreciate how honest you've been, Bella," he sighed, his eyes darkening again. The same black marbled his green eyes making my stomach knot in nerves.

"But," I added, as he had.

"But it doesn't change anything. I knew what Jasper meant to you the moment you came to our door. The way you acted when he saw us in this very same spot. The way you reacted to him at the party last night. I'm not stupid; I knew what I was getting into when our friendship began, even when it started developing into more. There is a chance that Jasper could be the one meant for you, but that doesn't mean I won't fight for you, for what we have."

"What if I'm not worth fighting for?"

"Silly, Bella," he laughed, his thumbs brushing under my eyes gently. "You think I haven't been fighting from the start?"

"Why? Why would you fight for someone as broken as me?"

"Don't you see? You make me happy; being with you is as easy as breathing. You're so alive and honest. Complex and beautiful. You're worth that fight, because you made me feel found when I was lost, you righted the wrong I felt and made me believe that I could be happy. We're more alike than you think, but you're so much more honest than I am. I will choose you every time, and I will take the risk, even if there's a chance I lose you."

"I hate this," I mumbled, fighting the sobs growing in my chest. I reached up and cupped the hands the still held my cheeks. "I hate that I'm so confused, I hate that you're the one taking the risk on me. I don't deserve you, but I can't let you go, I can't walk away. I'm so selfish."

"If this is selfish, bring it on," Edward chuckled playfully. He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose with a gentle smile. "You're not selfish for being honest. You're not selfish for being confused. You gave me more with your honesty than you needed to, and I respect that. You also told me you were willing to give me a chance, and I am going to take it, because for me, the risk is worth it."

I hated that he was being so kind, I was torn between shaking him and telling him to open his eyes and kissing him because he was more amazing than I could ever expect. Before I could even make up my mind, his lips were on mine, his fingers brushing back into my hair.

My hands ran along his arms to his shoulders as I rolled to my knees, needing to be closer, needing to feel him against me in my desperation. His arms circled around my waist and pulled my body flush against his. My tongue swept his bottom lip in my need to be molded together with him.

I moaned into his mouth as his hands ran across my body, his fingers dusting over my ribs, his thumbs brushing the sides of my breasts. It was a kiss that spoke volumes more than I could articulate. It was a thank you and a promise to try with everything I had.

It was the only thing I had to offer, a promise to try.

"Oh God, want something to season that meat, Edward?"

I grinned against Edward's lips and pulled away, my eyes finding my best friend with a Cheshire cat grin spread across her lips. I could hear Edward mentally rolling his eyes as he brushed his lips against mine one last time before pulling away.

Edward groaned and tightened his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap.

"Neanderthal. How 'bout I grab you a club so you can hit her across the head and drag her back to the cave?" She asked, popping the last morsel of the cupcake she'd been eating into her mouth.

"Alice, be nice," I giggled, my hands brushing through Edward's hair.

Alice smiled and danced towards us, plopping herself on the bench next to us. "I just wanted to warn you that Emmett is coming to steal Edward; something about a concert in Seattle."

Edward buried his head in my neck and groaned. His arms tightened around my waist.

"I forgot, I'm sorry, Bella."

"Why are you apologizing?" I sighed, running my hands through his hair.

"Because I know now is not the time to leave, not after the conversation we've just had, but I know Emmett will not take no for an answer."

"I'll be here when you get back." I smiled.

"Promise," he whispered in my ear. Planting a small kiss behind my ear.

"I promise."

My promise seemed to placate him, and he unwillingly released me from the binds of his arms.

We all made our way back to the house. Alice was promising to keep me occupied in Edward's absence, something I knew from experience meant we would be watching movies in the media room, while eating popcorn and talking things over. Which, in all honesty, was fine with me. I didn't need anymore excitement today. A night on the couch seemed like the perfect remedy.

My prediction of a movie night was accurate. Alice had supplied the movies, while I supplied the popcorn. It was enough to distract my mind from the things I needed to think about but didn't have the effort for today. Tomorrow would be a new day, and with a fresh mind, I could think about everything else that needed to be considered, but for now I just needed blissful ignorance.

~*~

A week passed easily, and I still hadn't really given myself time to think about Jasper. I needed to give Edward and me sometime together before even considering spending time with Jasper. The prospect of talking to him scared me more than I wanted to admit.

I knew Edward felt much the same. Every time Jasper's name was brought up in conversation he tensed. So I let it go, knowing he needed all of my focus and attention. Eventually, I would do what I needed to, but for now, I had made my decision and I needed time to cement that.

Edward and I fell asleep together every night, his arms locked around me as though I would disappear if he let me go. More often than not, we fell asleep in the media room in front of the television and stayed there. It seemed easier that way. The Masen's seemed to have figured out that there was something more than friendship between us, and though they were always very kind, they let us know, in no uncertain terms, that they were keeping an eye on us.

We hadn't had sex since the night of the party, and though we'd never spoken about it, it was a mutual thing. Edward didn't push and neither did I. I wasn't sure if my honesty the day after had maybe made him believe it was the trigger for me needing to think in the first place. I couldn't displace that theory, because I didn't know myself.

We were practically inseparable, and for now, I was alright with that. I knew we couldn't live in this little bubble we'd formed forever. Whether Edward was comfortable with it or not, eventually I would have to talk to Jasper.

Rosalie and Emmett were still home and would be for another week, and in order to spend some time with them, we would have to risk bumping into Jasper. Alice had already tried to convince us to go and spend time with them. The weather was freakishly nice for this time of year.

Today was the first time I wasn't immersing myself with Edward, I had promise Alice I would spend time with her, and we had driven down to Seattle to see how the development of the Swan Bridge of Hope was coming along. They had gutted the building and were in the process of adding a second floor to the large space so they could have more apartments.

Alice and I had walked around in hard hats as she pointed out where things would end up going and all of the things she hoped would help people in the long run. She lost me when she started getting into the technicalities of the charity licensing. According to Alice the paperwork alone had given her carpal tunnel.

It still amazed me that at eighteen she was able to pull all of this off.

"How did you do it, Alice?" I asked as we sat on the ferry. The sun was beating off the water leaving sparkling ripples on the sides of the ferry. It was bright, something I wasn't used to but was enjoying all the same.

"Do what?" She smiled, rolling the arms of her sweater up so the could catch some of the sun.

"The charity. I know you were telling me about the licensing, but I mean the money, the permits, I know it takes a lot to set that kind of thing up."

She grinned at me, and turned her body so she was facing me.

"Sometimes, knowing influential people can be a plus. My mom belongs to a large charitable association it branches out into a lot of other areas. They agreed to back me with my endeavor. Having them for the foundation opened up doors."

"Your Mom, didn't ask questions?"

"Of course she did," Alice laughed, relaxing back into her seat and closing her eyes as she basked in the sun. "But telling her it would look great on my college application seemed to ease her mind. When she asked why this particular thing, I lied."

Alice opened one eye to peek at me.

"I didn't tell her anything about you, Bella. I told her I saw a homeless woman with her child. With your information I was able to make a detailed case study about it. She thought it sounded like a good idea."

"Thanks, Alice."

"I like to think that if I'd of had a chance I would have come up with it eventually, but I was blind, Bella. I chose to ignore everything I saw when I came here, because it was put away, hidden from the tourist traps that we visit."

"You would have seen it, Alice. You're just one of those rare people who care. The homeless mother may never have existed, but that's all it would have taken for you to see it."

Alice smiled, but I could see her self doubt behind her eyes. She had no idea what an amazing person she really was. Even with everything that had happened she had only ever been there for me. She was the person I turned to when my world started crumbling.

When we got into Forks, I was ready for a hot bath and an evening of cuddling with Edward on the couch. Unfortunately, Alice seemed to have other plans. She turned the opposite direction to her house and pulled up a long drive way to a house I hadn't ever seen before.

"Where are we going?"

"Rosalie's," she answered with a smile.

My heart pounded in my chest. I knew she was up to something.

"Why?"

"We're all hanging out tonight." She said innocently, but I didn't miss the emphasis on the all.

My nervousness seemed to make a ringing in my ears. All of us in the same room, together. This was going to be interesting.

A/N: Forgive Alice, I know at the beginning of the Chapter you all may have been a little confused with her advice. All she was trying to do was give the only advice she could. Honesty is the best policy and I think it was the only advice she could give her because all she wants is for Bella to be happy.

That being said, sorry for the cliffhanger . . . *snort*

Alice would like to thank Hev for the cupcake, she didn't share with the others but it's okay ;)

Thank you to miztrezboo (Author of The Appointments and Where the Road Meets the Sun), bemylullaby (between projects) and bending mirrors (Setting her free, Top secret Project) They are all my hand holders and I love them to death. .Thank you ladies for always being patient with me :)

To the ladies of the forum. You guys are amazing, thank you for being there and asking questions, and just making me smile all the time. You guys rock :)

To each and everyone of you who review, thank you. You really have no idea how much I appreciate you taking the time to let me know what you think. Each and every one of you are amazing, and I adore reading what you have to say. So thank you.

Sorry, my A/N's have become huge, I apologize :)

Much love, big hugz ~Weezy~