"The scalpel works so much better."
"Tell you what, Mikado. I am totally the right choice for you. I'll let you top me, no sweat but I can top too-"
"That will most definitely not happen."
"Oh come on! You don't know you won't like it until you try it."
Mikado produced a coil of strong rope and before Aoba could say anything – whether to protest or to rejoice – he found himself firmly bounded.
"Mikado, can't we wait until we are somewhere else-"
"Don't misunderstand, I am getting rid of you."
And indeed Mikado now hooked the rope around a tree branch and pulled it so that Aoba was hanging high above the concrete street, knees tied to wrists behind his back in a rather uncomfortable way. Aoba did not dare squirm away either, partially because he suspected it would only strengthen the knots and partially because he did not want to fall.
"Oy, don't just leave me here hanging!"
"Spare me your horrible sense of humor, no one likes it and surely do not appreciate it. Not to mention it is a bad influence on Masaomi."
Said Masaomi was about to sprint away but today was most definitely not his day. Running in a kimono took a lot of getting used to and Kida was not yet there. As it turned out, it was Mikado who had to help him to his feet, which Mikado did with a very worried expression as he brushed dirt from Kida's kimono.
"Masaomi, you must take care of your body. Actually, you can leave me to take care of your body for you. And I may be touching you know but it's mostly to keep you sparkly clean and not so much to touch you. Not that I don't want to touch you, I'd pin you down to the pavement if there were no witnesses. But there's no need to look so scared."
"There is plenty of reason!"
Celty approached Aoba.
[Are you alright up there...?]
She used her shadowy stuff to bring the PDA within Aoba's field of vision.
"The blood is getting to my head..."
Mikado called a taxi driver who owed him one and dragged Kida along with him. Celty would have helped were she not busy rescuing Aoba. Not that Aoba wanted to actually be rescued. By the time he was finally with his feet on the pavement Mikado was nowhere to be seen.
"No, there goes my one true love!"
[Since when?]
"Since always."
[I'm beginning to see that you really are mini-Izaya]
Aoba sighed.
"It's so unfair. This is all that blonde kid's fault. Love triangles suck."
[It's not a love triangle...!"]
"I must eliminate the third wheel. The blondie is going down!"
Celty was not even surprised that Aoba saw fit to display his evil laughter at this point. He had in fact practiced it many a time for effect. It came across as exceedingly psychotic and made people pick up their step.
Around this time Izaya brought Shizuo to a particular tank.
"Shizu-chan! Behold! Do you know what it is!"
Izaya gesticulated at the crab-like creature beyond the glass.
"Nasty critter by the looks of it."
"It's a giant isopod!"
"Huh?"
"In other words, it's a very big water louse!"
"Ah..."
"Does it look like me?"
"Nah..."
"There you go! Now that you know that I am not akin to a louse – one would think it was obvious – I expect you to cease and desist and never refer to me in such a defamatory fashion ever again."
"Okay, okay, I got it. I won't call you a louse again, or a flea or anything like that."
"Now that we've agreed to that we can finally get the penguin hat!"
"What penguin hat...will I be getting some sex anytime soon..."
"Maybe! If we get the hat."
"Don't care for no hat..."
"I'll wear the hat and nothing else. How about that?"
"Let's go get the hat."
"Yay!"
But Izaya was in for a bad surprise.
"What do you mean you don't have the hat! I want the hat! I demand the hat! I will not leave until I get the hat!"
Which meant that Shizuo was not getting any until said hat appeared.
"All this over a bloody hat."
"I am annoyed, Shizu-chan."
"No shit, I noticed."
"So make me happy."
"Huh?"
"I said make me happy."
"How the fuck am I supposed to do that!"
"You figure it out. That's what boyfriends are for."
"...you think?"
Izaya sighed.
"Men, honestly."
"You're a guy too!"