Thank you stabbythings, RoMythe, PadawanJesselinFett, CookieLivcat, Wildheart, She-Who-Has-A-Very-Long-Name, WereCatsRule, Graysky, Katie Ladmoore, DarthGreave, Laterose13, VampyressArrow39, jedigal125, Maxforce, jangotat2, tameera the evil one, LemonPieiiii, and xXJedi Knight BlazeXx for reviewing!

Nemesis: (Holding jar of dirt) My precious!

Luke: (Rolls eyes)

Nemesis: (Starts coughing)

Luke: Are you Okay?

Nemesis: Yup. I just have the flu.

Luke: Why aren't you in bed?

Nemesis: Because it's boring!

Chapter 26: Of Elevators, Rings, and Flamingos

Disclaimer: Random Nemesis does not own Star Wars, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Thriller and Michael Jackson.

"Boring, boring, boring,' Anakin muttered as he flipped through the channels on the TV.

"I'm so bored," Luke added from the armchair, where he was watching Obi-Wan and Palpypoo play chess.

"Boring, boring, boring," Anakin continued.

"Ha, I won," Obi-wan cheered as he creamed Palpypoo in chess.

"Curse you," Palpypoo glared. "And my name's not PALPYPOO!"

"Boring, boring, boring," Anakin still chanted.

"If you don't shut up, I will…," Darken Rahl began when suddenly a figure swung into the living room on a rope.

"It is me, Captain Jack Sparrow," Nemesis greeted as she landed on the couch, dressed in a Jack Sparrow costume. "Where's the rum!"

All the other characters stared at Nemesis.

Now you may be wondering why Nemesis is dressed up like Jack Sparrow. First of all, she loves Jack Sparrow. He is awesome and insane. As they say, "great minds think alike." Nemesis is also very bored right now. Darth Fishstick has been making her stay in bed all week because of a flu. Just image a week of having to stay in bed and watch the stupid commercial channel! Thus, Nemesis decided that she should do something fun. Unknown to all of them, the day would soon take a serious turn in about thirteen and a half minutes.

"Ho pa, ho pa," a short Darth Vader walked into the room. "It's me, Darth Vader! Fear my stupidity and mood swings!"

"Hey," Anakin growled indignantly. "I'm not stupid, and I do not have mood swings!"

Obi-Wan laughed and made a coughing sound that sounded like we all remember what happened at that little incident. Now remember children, never fight with your friends on a lava planet. Chances are you don't have insurance.

"What the," Voldymoldy stared as another Voldemort walked into the room, covered in flour.

"I will kill Harry Potter with a blunt spoon," the second Voldemort shouted, sounding a lot like Blaze.

"A blunt spoon," Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. It seemed that the insane authoresses had too much sugar and coffee again. Then again, normally they were like this.

Nemesis/ Jack Sparrow stepped onto the coffee table. "Me, Darth Fishstick, Blaze and Wolf were incredibly bored out of our minds, so we decided to dress up as charat..." She suddenly sneezed.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed," Luke raised his eyebrows.

"I'm much better now," Nemesis sneezed again. "Besides, Darth Fishstick let me," she pointed to the mini Darth Vader. Luke opened his mouth to reply when the lights suddenly turned off.

"Cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know it's thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight," Wolf walked into the room, dressed up like Michael Jackson.

Yoda, Mace, and Richard rolled their eyes.

"Holy Guacamole," Anakin jumped up from the couch. "Sauron's trying to take over Middle-Earth again!"

"What," Nemesis raced over to the TV. "This is like seventieth time that he's tried it!"

"Well," Wolf began. "He is the master of the Ring of Epic Fails."

"True," Nemesis agreed. "Well, considering Sauron's past fails, we can be safe to assume that," she broke off when an owl flew into the room and dropped a letter at her feet. Reaching down, she grabbed it and then opened it.

"Nemesis, and other losers,

Surprise, guess who it is…your old friend Darth Pyro! Yes, I am behind Sauron's latest attempt to take over Middle-Earth. But, this time he will not fail, because he already has the Ring! I have also captured King Aragorn, and I'm currently holding him hostage! Soon I shall rule over Middle-Earth, and nothing will stand in my way! Mwahahahahahahahahaaa!!!

Best regards, The Amazingly Clever, and Incredibly Smart, Darth Pyro!

PS. Pie will be outlawed in Middle-Earth.

PPS. Cake is way better than pie.

PPPS. I need help with my Biology homework.

PPPPS. You got the Bananaphone song stuck in my head.

PPPPPS. What is the point of all these PS's?"

"Gasp," Anakin sounded like a little girl.

"Wait a moment," Han looked around. "Maybe Palpy and the other idiots know something about this!"

Everyone turned to look at Palpy, Voldymoldy, Grievous, and Darken Rahl.

"Hey, Darth Pyro ditched us," Palpy said hastily.

"Why would I want to work with Sauron," Darken Rahl raised his eyebrows. "He gets killed because of jewelry!"

"They tell the truth," Nemesis confirmed. "Or that burrito I had is really affecting me."

It was then that Wolf began to chant. "I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?"

Everyone stared at her.

Wolf then cracked open the jar of dirt and rummaged through its contents. "...It's a jar of dirt."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious," Anakin muttered.

"You're welcome, Lieutenant Sarcastic."

"Geez," Darth Fishstick took off her Darth Vader helmet. "It sure can get hot in there."

"I believe a plan is in order," Nemesis began.

"COFFEE," Blaze suddenly shouted.

"Right," Nemesis continued. "We should split into groups."

Everyone groaned, remembering the disasters that happened when they were in groups.

"I will lead the group that will rescue King Aragorn. Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl and Yoda will come with me. Darth Fishstick will lead the group to find Sauron's ring and destroy it. Luke, Mara, Richard and Mace will go with her. Blaze, Han, Leia, and Zedd will guard the ship. Wolf will lead the distraction group; everyone else will be in that group. Palpy, Voldymoldy, and all the other villains will stay on the ship in one of the detention cells, so that they don't escape," Nemesis finished.

Anakin looked over at Wolf in horror.

"Hang on, we need reinforcements," Nemesis suddenly remembered. Pushing her left shirt sleeve up, she reveled a tattoo of pie. Pressing it with her pitchfork she yelled "Assemble Random Order!" Yes, the Random Order had marks like the Death Eaters, but instead of it being a Dark Mark, it's a Pie Mark!

"Where's the fire," Werecat yelled as she, Katie Ladmoore, Kattie, Laterose13, Amarwen, and LazyChild appeared.

"COFFEE," Blaze shouted again.

Wolf and Darth Fishstick looked over the battle plan they had constructed.

"Once I began my strike, you should be able to switch the One Ring with the onion ring," Wolf analyzed. Wolf had changed out of her costume, and kow was wearing a construction workers outfit. You never know when you need a hardhat! Darth Fishstick on the other hand was wearing a hiking outfit. Battle armor is so over rated.

"Sauron's army is approaching," Anakin and Gandalf entered the tent where Wolf and Darth Fishstick were.

"Let's get this party started," Wolf said with an insane grin.

Anakin and Gandalf rolled their eyes.

"For Narina," Wolf yelled as they prepared to face Sauron's army on the Pelennor Fields.

"Um Wolf," Anakin interrupted. "Wrong world."

"Right, I knew that, FOR MIDDLE-EARTH!"

Silently Darth Fishstick crept up behind Sauron, using the invisibility cloak that she had borrowed from Harry Potter. Carefully she slipped the One Ring off his finger, and an onion ring back onto it. Satisfied with her work, she vanished.

"Well, welcome to Mordor," Nemesis stated as she, Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl, Yoda, and Faramir appeared near the tower Barad-dûr, where Aragorn was being kept hostage.

"Why couldn't we have appeared inside the tower," Darken Rahl grumbled.

"Its' impossible to appear there," Nemesis replied. "That place is full of dark magic. We have to walk there in order to get in. Besides it's not that long of a walk. We only have to find the back door."

"The back door," Cara questioned.

"Sauron always keeps the back door unlocked. Bad habit," Faramir answered. Nemesis had decided that each group should have a Lord of the Ring's character to help them.

"Great," Obi-Wan muttered as he looked over at the dark, gloomy looking tower.

"Oh cheer up," Nemesis put her arm around Obi-Wan's shoulder. "Look at the bright side. The sun's not shinning, the birds are dying, and there's the smell of sulfur in the air."

"Crazy you are," Yoda stated as they began towards the tower.

"Wait, are you telling me that we have to walk all the way to Mount Doom," Luke stared at Darth Fishstick as they hid behind a pile of rocks near Minas Morgul.

"Yup," Darth Fishstick replied.

"Why can't you make us appear there?"

"Well, the problem is I haven't gotten full power like Nemesis and Wolf, so I can only do some things. I can transport myself anywhere, but I can't transport others," Darth Fishstick reveled.

"Then why don't you transport yourself to Mount Doom," Mara raised her eyebrows.

"I need to take Sam with me, since I've never read Lord of the Rings."

Everyone looked at her in horror.

"Quiet," Nemesis whispered as they snuck through the back door. "Aragorn should be on the 27th floor," she added.

"Have to walk up that many stairs, we do," Yoda looked up in horror.

"Or we could us the elevator," Obi-Wan pointed to the elevator.

"He has an elevator," Faramir's eyebrows rose.

"All evil villains do," Darken Rahl explained. "Do you expect us to walk up every stair? Besides, elevator music is the root of evil!"

"To the elevator," Nemesis pointed her pitchfork dramatically toward the elevator, and began to run toward it. It's also worth mentioning that she was still wearing her Jack Sparrow costume.

"Oh joy," Cara muttered once that had all squeezed into the elevator.

(Two minutes later)

"You were right about one thing," Nemesis stepped out of the elevator. "Elevator music is the source of evil."

"Hum," Obi-Wan looked at the map. "Aragorn's cell should be around the corner to the left and down three."

"Where did you get the map," Cara inquired.

"It was on a table by the elevator."

"Well," Darken Rahl began. "All evil villains always have a map of their…"

"Oh shut up, Mr. 'Knows Everything about Villains'," Nemesis scowled.

"Bring him, why did you," Yoda questioned.

"Well, I needed someone who knew about villains," Nemesis replied.

"I found the cell," Obi-Wan raced over to them.

Nemesis began walking in the direction Obi-Wan had pointed to. "Yes, and now we move…Look, it's a flamingo!" True to Nemesis's word, there was a paper flamingo on the wall.

"I'm surrounded by idiots," Cara muttered. Carefully they walked down the hallway until they came to the cell that Obi-Wan had pointed to. After pick-locking the lock they entered the cell. In the center was Aragorn, asleep.

"I'll wake him up," Faramir walked over to Aragorn, and then kicked him in the kidney.

"Ow," Aragorn jumped up. "That was my kidney!"

"Good morning sleepyhead," Nemesis grinned.

"Sleeping, why were you?"

Aragorn looked around sheepishly. "Well, Arwen's been making me take care of the baby more, so I haven't had much sleep lately. I decided to use this time to catch up on sleep." It was hard for the characters to relate, considering what horrible parents they would make.

"Right, back to the elevator," Nemesis broke the silence.

(Two minutes later)

"Like I said before, elevator music is the source of evil," Nemesis said as they got out of the elevator.

"True that," Aragorn added.

"Well, I think that…," Darken Rahl began until his mouth was clamped shut by Nemesis.

"Shh," she pointed at the orc that was rounding the corner. Silently they crouched in the shadows until it was safe again.

"As I was saying, I think that," this time Darken Rahl ran into an orc that was turning the corner again.

"INTRUDERS," the orc yelled as it raced away before they could silence it.

"Blast," Nemesis and Obi-Wan shouted as they all ran for the back door. Just as they had got a few meters from the door, the orc's began to surround them.

"Blast," Nemesis shouted again. "This stupid flu isn't letting me use my magic properly. I can't appear!"

"Well, figure something out quickly," Obi-Wan cut through an orc with his lightsabre. It didn't help much considering there were a LOT of orcs.

"Right, I'll go get some help," Nemesis paused for a moment and then suddenly turned into a Raven and flew away.

Darth Fishstick sighed in relief once they had reached the top of the winding stairs.

"I wish that there had been an elevator," Luke panted.

"Since when did villain's start using elevators," Mara narrowed her eyes.

Richard gasped for breath before replying. "My brother has a few elevators in his castle."

"Yeah, but Sauron doesn't have enough brains to figure that out," Mace joked.

"Quiet," Sam hushed them. "We are about to enter the lair of Shelob."

"Eek," Richard jumped onto Mace.

"Get off me," Mace pushed Richard off him.

"Does everyone have weapons," Sam asked. Quickly Richard pulled out his sword, Darth Fishstick pulled out her curtain rod, and Luke, Mara, and Mace pulled out their lightsabres. "Good, now we enter the lair!"

""Hey, you found your sword," Luke looked over at Richard.

"Yup, it was in Anakin's sock drawer."

"How did it get there?"

"I don't know."

"Shh," Mara glared at them. The heroes continued to walk through the lair until they heard something scurry by. With wide eyes they drew out their weapons and continued to proceed. It was then that Luke saw it.

"There's Shelob!"

"Attack," Darth Fishstick lead the heroes. Let's just say that Shelob didn't last long against two swords, three lightsabres and a curtain rod.

(Aboard the Executor)

All was quiet, too quiet, Blaze mused as she patrolled the hallways of the Executor. Quickly she drew out her lightsabre when something rushed by. She stopped though when she realized it was just one of Wolf's mutated pieces of broccoli. Sighing she put her lightsabre away again and went back to roaming the halls. It was then that she was interrupted by two notoriously loud characters.

"You scruffy looking, half-witted nerf herder!"

"Who's scruffy looking?"

Blaze turned around to see Han and Leia walking down the hall, yelling at each other.

"If I could, I'd," Leia began until she realized that Blaze was there. "Oh, hi Blaze, we haven't seen anything suspicious."

"Except there seems to be an abnormal amount of mutated broccoli running around," Han added.

"Oh well," Blaze nodded. "AH," she screamed when suddenly a mutated piece of broccoli stabbed her with a piece of moldy licorice. "That's it. IT'S WAR!" Blaze ignited her lightsabre and began to chase after the mutated broccoli. With Han and Leia behind her, they raced after the broccoli. However, unknown to them, a shadow slipped through the now vacated hallway.

(At Minas Tirith)

Wolf narrowed her eyes as she watched Sauron's army break through the main gate.

"There's too many of them," Wolf's Randawan, Kattie, appeared. "What do we do, Master Wolf?"

Luckily Wolf wasn't on the dark side, so instead she lifted a fist in the air. "We stand and fight!"

Katie Ladmoore and Laterose13 just stood aside and rolled their eyes. It was like watching a really bad battle scene.

"Bananaphone," Wolf yelled.

This time Amarwen rolled her eyes.

"Um Wolf," Gandalf approached. "I hate to break it to you, but Sauron's army made it through the third gate.

"NO! They can't be allowed to break through the Fourth Wall," Wolf screamed.

It was then that a Raven with blue eyes, and a white picture of a pitchfork on the left wing landed on Wolf's head.

"Eek," Wolf screamed again. "Get it off me!"

The Raven then flew off of Wolf's head and landed on Werecat's arm. It took a moment for WereCat to realize what it was. "Oh my pumpkin pie, it's Master Nemesis!"

"Oops," Wolf blushed. Quickly she got out her want and turned the Raven back into Nemesis.

"Thanks," Nemesis glared at Wolf. "Great job Randawan," Nemesis praised WereCat.

"Where's the others," Anakin asked.

Nemesis cleared her throat. "We got Aragorn, but then the orcs surrounded us." Nemesis then blushed. "And my magic wasn't working correctly so I had to use my Animagus form to get here. I had to leave the others behind."

Wolf nodded. "I'll go get them," she then disappeared. A few moments later she reappeared with Aragorn, Obi-Wan, Cara, Darken Rahl, and Yoda.

"Close that was," Yoda panted.

"They just kept coming and coming," Obi-Wan added. "They almost had us."

"I swear that orcs bred like hamsters. There seems to an unlimited amount of them," Aragorn leaned on a nearby wall.

"At least we are safer here," Obi-Wan noted.

"That's what you think," Sauron approached them.

"Oh dear," Obi-Wan whispered.

Calmly, Nemesis flipped out her cell phone. "I'm going to call Darth Fishstick to see how's she's doing," Nemesis informed them.

"Why didn't you use your cell phone while we were in Mordor," Darken Rahl demanded.

"I don't get enough bars in Mordor. Darth Fishstick has really good coverage though, so she probably will be able to call from Mordor." Nemesis waited a few moments for Darth Fishstick to answer while Aragorn, Faramir, Anakin, Obi-Wan, and Gandalf began fighting Sauron and his minions.

"Hello," Darth Fishstick's voice answered.

"Hey Darthy, how much longer," Nemesis asked.

"We are almost to the entrance of Mount Doom. I got tired of holding the ring, so I gave it to Luke. I figured that he has enough experience to resist the ring."

"Thanks," Nemesis hung up.

"FOR NARNIA," Wolf screamed.

"WRONG WORLD," everyone else yelled back.

"Toss the ring," Darth Fishstick yelled to Luke, who stood near the edge.

"Just a second," Luke yelled back. "I need to finish my text message to Leia!"

"If you don't hurry up, I'll tell Nemesis!"

Luke paused. Which was scarier: an angry Nemesis, or an angry Leia? Sighing he put away his cell phone, and tossed the ring into the lava. Yup, wasn't that a dramatic ending!

Nemesis: We won!

Wolf: Party!

Blaze: (From a distance) WOLF! Your mutated broccoli are making a mess on the ship!

Wolf: Oops. (Runs away)

Nemesis: PIE! (Runs away)

Obi-Wan: Nemesis would love it if you voted at the two polls that are at the bottom of this chapter.

Anakin: And don't forget to REVIEW!

Poll: Should I revise the first few chapters of Therapy?

Yes.

No.

That would be EPIC!

Only if you send me pie.

Poll: Which characters should I add to the story?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Star Trek

Star Trek Next Generation

Romeo and Juliet